Call Me Bae (2024) s01e02 Episode Script

1
Hey, Bae!
Hey, Bae!
Hey, Bae!
Wherever you walk by
You light up the world
With your words
With your eyes
You light up every path
The world awaits you
Where have you been all this while?
Hey, Bae!
The way you slay
The way you are The way you talk
Hey, Bae!
Deep in your eyes
Lies your dreams
It's gonna be your day
The world awaits you Where
have you been all this while?
Hey, Bae!
Hey, Bae!
Mumbai!
Money, money, money!
Hustle, hustle, it's a goddamn hustle!
This city called Mumbai
It hustles you up and down
It sucks you inside out!
Hustle, hustle, it's a goddamn hustle!
This city of dreams
Leaves no stone unturned
Hustle, hustle, it's a goddamn hustle!
This city called Mumbai
It hustles you up and down
It sucks you inside out!
Hustle, hustle, it's a goddamn hustle!
This city of dreams
-Leaves no stone unturned
-Malvika!
Oh, my God! The bags under
your eyes are from Prada!
Are they making you
work too many night shifts?
One second.
Recovery serum.
You'll feel better in a week.
Mr. Phool Singh.
You need a Reiki session for your back.
I'll book one for you tomorrow.
My back is fine, ma'am.
-Sure.
-Yeah.
Jignesh!
What a pleasant surprise.
You didn't inform us
that you're coming.
No check-in on social media either.
By the way, what does Captain
Shastry think of our new helipad?
Don't ask.
I flew commercial.
-And that too, coach.
-What?!
-Economy and you?!
-I said don't ask.
That explains the few bags.
A girl doesn't bring luggage
when she comes home!
True.
This is your home.
So, the presidential
suite as always, right?
Actually, the suite
next to Samar Bhai.
Samar Sir?
Mr. Samar is not
staying with us, ma'am.
Yet.
I'm sure he'll check in soon.
He never stays at another
hotel when he's in Mumbai.
-Right.
-Let me know when he checks in.
-Toodles.
-Sure.
Toodles.
I am Bae.
I'm born to slay.
Flawsome is my middle name.
Awesome is my first.
I get up, dress up, show up.
I am a glow-getter.
No more deppresso!
Only Espresso!
Come on, Nathan!
Come on, Nathan!
Yes, Nathan!
Come on!
Yes!
Yes!
Come on!
Come on, Nathan!
Come on!
Come on, Nathan!
And the finger goes up!
Come on, Nathan!
What the hell?!
What are you doing in my room?
And what were you
doing on my bed?
Hello, ma'am.
Sincerest apologies.
The boys were peaking earlier,
and Nathan's strokes were amazing!
I was gonna make ten grand!
Mother-fudger!
How uncouth!
No cussing about women, please.
You and your peaking boys
should go to your room now, okay?
No, ma'am.
Actually, it's just a game.
And that is stunning!
What a catch!
The fielders showed
excellent awareness.
This was about cricket?
The dive by the fielder was marvelous.
But why are you
watching it on my TV?
Please leave.
Actually, ma'am.
You have to leave.
What?
How dare you?
Ma'am, I'm Saira Ali.
I'm a trainee here.
And I'm here to tell you that
all your cards have been declined.
What do you mean?
They don't work.
They're blocked.
They're canceled.
But I thought Aggy and the
cards, both work overtime.
Look, ma'am.
I have tried many times.
My shift is also about to end.
Please come down with me,
pay in cash, and settle it.
I had 4000 Indian rupees this
morning, but I paid 500 for the cab.
Okay.
Pounds, dirhams, dollars.
Is that an LV Sarah?
Yeah.
Oh, my God.
Actually, I'm saving
up to buy one.
I want mine.
Saira's own LV Saira.
I mean Sarah.
Sorry.
Take it.
What?
I can't take this, ma'am.
No.
Keep it.
Take it.
That's that's really
kind of you, ma'am.
Kindness never
goes out of fashion.
Okay, so
This is enough for
one night's payment.
What about tomorrow?
Thinking about tomorrow
is so middle-class.
-Ma'am
-Wait.
Are you suggesting that
-I am
-Middle-class would be an upgrade, ma'am.
-Currently, you're
-Poor.
-No.
-Yeah.
Wait a minute.
Problem solved!
Your ring!
You can sell this and get
a two-bedroom apartment in the suburbs.
This is my wedding ring.
The emerald is from
the Nizam of Hyderabad.
And the diamonds are
from the Queen of Belgium.
Family heirloom.
I can't sell this.
Well, in that case, ma'am.
You have one hour.
Please vacate this room.
Try the penthouse suite.
-Won't that be more expensive?
-Just try it.
You'll see.
Delete the Gstaad holiday.
Delete honeymoon pics.
-Delete Tomatina in Seville.
-Tomatina.
-Delete wedding pics.
-Wedding.
-Delete Maldives' birthday.
-Maldives
Not the Maldives pictures, Aggy.
I ate only oranges for four days
to fit into that bikini.
You can delete me from your phone.
But how will you erase me from your heart?
I did that already.
Forget my phone, I'll delete
you from the server too.
Samar, let's buy a
goddamn Telecom company.
Samar Bhai.
-Why didn't you go to LA last night?
-I thought we'd convince Aggy together.
Like the time I crashed his Maybach,
and wesurprised him
with a vintage horse carriage.
When will this end?
I saved you from jail in New York.
This time you cheated on Aggy.
What's the solution this time?
Shall we get him a harem
to balance things out?
Is that what you want?
Please leave, Bae.
Please leave.
Aggy.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry, okay?
I know I made a mistake.
Mistake?
Cheating is a choice, Bae.
Not a mistake.
I know I fucked up.
But I didn't mean to.
Why can't we work
through our differences?
Like Jay-Z and Beyoncé?
Please, Aggy.
When we were in New York and I told my
mom that I wanted to marry you,
you know
what she told me?
"You can do better."
Until the day of our wedding,
she kept saying, "Let's call this off.
Marry Anisha Mehra instead. She
might not be better looking than Bella,
but she is better educated,
comes from a better family.
She's smarter." Oh, and FYI
Anisha's independent, and
runs her own grooming empire.
Do you know what I told Mom?
What if she is not educated?
Bae is honest.
Yes, she's a bit straightforward,
but above all, she's loyal.
I love her and I can't imagine
spending my life with anyone else.
I made a mistake.
I married for love.
Where was this love
after we got married?
You were never around, Agastya.
I felt so lonely.
Lonely?
Lonely?
Daily lunches and
dinners with the girls.
Weekly shopping
trips to Paris and Milan.
Oh, and how can I forget?
Your gym.
Now, go.
Do as many burpees as you want.
You know, right?
The chandeliers in that house
got more attention than I did.
Why don't you say
anything in front of Aggy?
Say something, Samar Bhai.
What's more important
than your sister's happiness?
The business, okay?
It's more important
than all of us.
And I'm gonna be the new
CEO of our joint venture.
So please don't
fuck this up for me.
Take the keys to the
house in Worli, and lie low.
Why?
What do you think?
You think you'll be
able to survive here?
This is Mumbai. It's a city of
competitive and ambitious people.
You won't survive a day.
I already survived half a day.
I can handle it.
I see.
And what will you do
when your wallet is empty?
Samar.
Tell her there will be a
maid, a car, and a driver.
And one platinum
card will be restored.
All you have to do is keep
that no-filter mouth of yours shut.
Alright? No posting
online and no social media.
We have already lost
a lot because of you.
We can't deal with any more
blind items and scandals.
You'll be safe in the house.
Taken care of.
Despite everything,
I don't want you to suffer.
So, take the keys and stay mum.
You sound exactly like Mum.
Trying to buy my
silence with a house?
No, you idiot.
We're trying to help you.
I am not an idiot, and I
do not need your help.
Really? What will you do? Get a job?
Yes, I will get a job.
But not like you, CEO
for selling out your sister.
Poor thing.
She has completely lost it.
I am not a "damsel in distress."
I will stay in Mumbai.
I'll make it on my own.
And unlike you, I'll do it
without the family name.
One day you'll realize that
marrying me was not a mistake.
But the best decision
you ever made.
From now on, it's all
about loving your GramFam.
Toodles.
Please keep this, Bae ma'am.
You've paid for so many
Reiki sessions for my back.
I know you've got my back,
Mr. Phool Singh.
Ma'am, please.
Accept this cheque.
Lolo is just five.
She won't be going to
college anytime soon.
Our Lolo will only study
in an Ivy League School.
Keep this chain, Bae ma'am.
You gave me this.
A gift is never
returned to its bestower.
Oh, a tuk-tuk!
Just like in Bangkok!
No, it's actually an auto.
-An auto?
-Yeah.
So you have to get in from there.
The entrance is there.
Yeah, it's all good.
Where are the seat belts?
Is this your first time in an auto?
There are no seat belts.
Don't be so formal.
-Call me Bae.
-Okay.
Bae.
By the way, these
autos are damn cute.
They're just like Mini Coopers
but without the doors.
Well, it's easier to find a Mini Cooper
than an auto in this city.
How interesting!
Wait.
Did you return the ring?
How will you pay
the hostel's rent?
-Let me check.
-Yeah.
Hundred dollars?
Where did this come from?
I decided I'd never
spend it, but here it is.
My first salary.
Wait.
Salary?
You mean you had a job?
So, back in New York City, I decided
to volunteer at the animal shelter.
Hey, Bae!
Hey, Bae!
Hey, Bae!
Hey, Bae!
The world awaits you
Where have you been all this while?
Hey, Bae!
Hey, Bae!
Hey, Bae!
-Why is this one covered?
-He just won't eat.
Hey, Bae!
No one was able to help Hedwig.
I realized he was the
only owl in the entire shelter.
He was just lonely.
You're a silly owl.
And so am I!
I've done a course on "How to communicate
with your spirit animal verbally
and telepathically".
Hedwig completely recovered
and we became friends.
-Go, Hedwig!
-After all, we were both called silly.
But only we knew how smart we really were.
When community service ended the
shelter gave me 100 dollars as a token.
-Can you exchange this?
-Of course.
Give it.
Here you go.
Parade of bags!
Hustle, hustle, it's a goddamn hustle!
This city called Mumbai
It hustles you up and down
It sucks you inside out!
Hustle, hustle, it's a goddamn hustle!
This city of dreams
Leaves no stone unturned
Excuse me.
Is that still or sparkling?
Definitely not alkaline.
-Here you go, man.
-Thank you.
Your tattoo speaks a thousand words
to me in a language I don't understand.
What does it say, by the way?
This?
It says, "Mind your own business."
-In Mandarin.
-Well, our beer is still due.
You were just flirting
with him, and now this?
How do you find the time?
Carl?
I don't really have
the hots for him.
He's in charge of the booking, so I have
to be nice to him if I wanna come back.
That!
That is nice.
Come back from where?
Losttel's policy.
You have to check
out every three weeks.
So, I spend the fourth week
somewhere else and come back.
Where do you go?
I take refuge in dating
apps for that week.
I swipe a lot to find a guy
with a nice apartment.
Hook up for a week
and then break up.
You're using the dating app as Airbnb?
Well, I guess it's
the year of collabs.
-Can you just get that one?
-Yeah.
Oh, so cozy!
Just like an A 380 first-class cabin.
Craving a mimosa.
Just keep that there.
#minimalism
#easyliving
#chilllife.
Breakfast this way!
Oh, it's quite the spread.
White bread?!
I thought it was eradicated
from the world, like polio.
Are those from cage-free hens?
Do you have anything that
is lactose or gluten-free?
Almond? Soy?
Seaweed?
She'll have the black coffee.
You have one week left
until your next payment is due.
Thanks.
I need a job.
In just six days.
-How?
-It'll work out.
What are your qualifications?
You must've done some courses, right?
Of course!
How to communicate
with your spirit animal?
Psychic vegan cheese
and wine pairing.
Cyberfeminism.
David Beckham studies.
Gulf streaming without
a carbon footprint.
Ethical emerald jewelry design.
Then there's "How to change
the world one tweet at a time."
Climate resilience for the
high net-worth individual.
Underwater basket weaving.
Banter for the bilineal.
Understanding the art
of plant-based caviar.
Then there's Fashion
Psychology, of course.
-Fashion!
-Fashion is the right option.
Try fashion.
That's the one.
Fashion.
I like it.
I like it.
You're hired.
You can start tomorrow.
Great.
What will be the salary?
Honey, this is Sammy and Pammy.
You won't get a salary,
you'll get exposure.
Excess exposure
can cause skin cancer.
Not that kind of exposure.
Which kind then?
I mean, the rent is not
gonna pay itself, right?
Rent?
Tacky!
Are those real feathers?
Of course, they're
real feathers, honey.
You know what's tacky?
Cruelty.
Animal cruelty.
How dare you?
Rude!
Sorry, Sammy.
Nothing's working out, Saira.
At least I wear faux fur.
Right?
You must try kombucha.
It tastes just like
a poor man's tears.
Oh, what's poor?
What's a tear?
I can sue you for defamation.
I was an intern at
Auntie Indira's office.
Oh, in your last life?
Indira Gandhi the Prime Minister?
In this life, Indira Jaising, the lawyer.
-Might have heard about her.
-Hey, Bae!
Oh!
So, Meghna Malik
and Prateek Arora.
Advocate Shinde
will be here soon.
What are the grounds
for divorce again?
He tortures me every day.
Domestic violence!
Shame on you!
No! No! Musical violence.
-Every night with Honey
-What about your affair with Arijit?
So, the grounds for divorce are an affair.
Same here.
Affair?
Me?
No.
Never.
-So, Honey
-Honey Singh.
-And Arijit
-Arijit Singh.
Our country's most soulful voice.
My favorite singer.
Okay.
So, musical incompatibility
is the ground for divorce?
The Judge won't agree to it.
Noise-canceling headphones.
Aggy would listen to TED Talks every
night, and I'd listen to Taylor Swift.
He wasn't exactly a Swiftie.
You can thank me later.
You can thank me later!
Can we go?!
They were such a sweet couple.
I saw love in their eyes.
Mr. Shinde fired me
for sending you to him.
Prateek and Meghna
have asked for a refund.
Hello? Yes, sir. Sir
But the Delhi Mail always
said that Bae is so generous.
I just love helping people.
How about helping me then?
-Your Losttel rent is due tomorrow.
-Yeah.
Eventually, we all go our separate ways.
No, I can't.
It has to go.
-Give it to me.
-No.
-Give me the bag. Give it.
-I can't.
We don't have any other choice
but to sell this on TheLuxuryPop.com.
You have to pay Carl, right?
Woman up!
Be gentle.
We have a bid.
We did it, Bae!
Goodbye, Patootie. Now you'll grace
someone else's climate-controlled closet.
We'll have to sell Kiki
and Lovebug next month.
Where will the money come from, Saira?
They will throw me out of here too.
Not if you get a new job.
Well, there's a temporary
position at my hotel.
I'll sort that out for you.
Don't worry.
From the penthouse suite
to the service entrance.
What a journey!
You know, alcohol is a carb.
Mom would always say, "A moment on your
lips, forever on your hips."
If you wanna be a skinny
bitch, drink a Skinny Bitch.
-Skinny Bitch?
-Skinny Bitch!
Tequila and soda.
Wait.
One tequila.
Two tequila.
Three tequila.
Floor!
Where are you now,
Mom, when I need you?
Madh Island iced tea, anyone?
-I bleed.
-I endure.
-I'm a woman.
-There's no cure.
They want us to be pure.
And to be demure.
-'Cause we make 'em insecure.
-Insecure.
-They want my lips
-My turn.
My piece is called,
"Posh Lives Matter".
Pieces of me scatter,
on a tacky bunk bed.
Posh lives matter,
our hearts are also red.
Carbs will make me fatter,
I need my keto bread.
Posh lives matter,
our hearts are also red.
My designer clothes tatter,
inside, I'm a little bit dead.
Posh lives matter,
our hearts are also red.
The truth is out there,
and I shall seek it out.
Welcome to another episode of The
Confessional with Satyajit Sen where
Isn't he the one who believes
character assassination is journalism?
We have a very special
guest on our show.
National hero.
Accomplished wrestler, Yugandhar Singh.
Welcome to the show, sir.
Thank you, sir.
Mr. Yugandhar, do you think
-you are disciplined?
-Of course.
I owe my life to wrestling!
You look very muscular, Mr. Yugandhar.
So, tell us. At the last Olympics,
did your Canadian coach
give you anabolic steroids?
Or did you request it?
"Give me drugs!"
-He
-Viewers, Yugandhar Singh was
going to get banned for life by
the Wrestling Federation of India.
But you bribed
everyone to remain silent.
Is this true or not, Mr. Yugandhar?
Yes!
-Yes!
-Stop clapping.
Stop it!
Wrestling is my life.
I love wrestling.
Viewers, wrestling is his life.
He loves wrestling.
What's the truth?
Viewers, it seems like Mr. Yugandhar
has been blinded by money.
Look at me.
For me, my country
will always come first.
I'm a man of this land.
I am truly Indigenous!
Yes!
This is
The Confessional with Satyajit Sen,
where the truth always triumphs.
We'll be back
after a short break.
Truth more like truly dishonest.
Liar, liar.
Prada on fire.
Prada?
Are you sure?
SS claims he only wears Indian brands.
Indigenous?
If he is Indigenous,
then I am like Greta Thunberg.
He's the fakest person
I have ever seen.
And trust me, I've been around my
fair share of South Delhi nose jobs.
Indigenous?
Preaches local, parades in Prada.
Even if I go blind, I can recognize
Prada just by feeling it.
That shirt is Prada.
That jacket is Gucci.
That pocket square is LV.
Those glasses are Tom Ford.
Completely Indigenous.
More like a complete fraud.
Truth more like truly dishonest
Truth, more like truly dishonest!
Completely Indigenous.
More like a complete fraud.
Fraud. Fraud!
That shirt is Prada.
That jacket is Gucci.
That pocket square is LV.
Those glasses are Tom Ford.
Indigenous?
Preaches local, parades in Prada.
I am back at the Chowdhary Mansion.
I can smell a single-origin
Kenyan medium roast.
Mumbai was just a bad dream.
Captain Shastry, get
the chopper ready.
Chopper?
Are you still drunk, bro?
Okay, anyway, look at this.
Look at the number of
likes, views, and comments.
Everyone loves you, Bae!
I've got 15,000 new subscribers.
Overnight, just because of you.
Bae, you're viral.
-I'm Bae. I was born to go viral.
-Yeah.
Here. Have some parfait.
Excuse me.
Come on. We have a
shift at 9:00 a.m. Let's go.
Do I have to?
I'm viral, Saira.
Viral is temporary.
Hard work is forever.
Laid out a buffet for no reason.
H20 plus CO2 and we have smoke!
I did a molecular
mixology course in Ibiza.
It's actually cold
but it looks damn hot.
It's been six months, sir.
I can't do it.
Tomorrow?
Tomorrow for sure.
Tomorrow
Completely Indigenous.
More like a complete fraud.
-Enjoy.
-Thank you.
Hey, listen.
That's you, right?
Move, Uncle.
Help!
Help!
Help!
Help!
Let go!
Help me!
Let go!
Stop screaming.
No one can drown
in two feet of water.
It's not two, it's four feet.
My Jacuzzi is bigger than this.
You know, Jacuzzi accidents have
increased by 18% in the last year.
So, you should be saying, "Thank
you, you saved my life." Right?
-Thank you?
-Yes.
I fell in because of your video.
I ruined my Gucci
shoes because of you.
Who wears Gucci in a pool?
Who brings up Jacuzzi
accident stats in a pool?
So having a good memory is a problem now?
Were you here for a
swim or for your SATs?
Alright, I give up.
Listen, video girl.
I need to see you in
my office tomorrow.
TRP office, at 10:00 a.m.
sharp.
-Cool?
-TRP?
No! No!
I can't. I'm sorry, I can't come.
Hey
I'll be waiting for you.
-You'll come?
-No.
I'm really sorry, sir.
We have extended your
membership for one year.
And we have banned
that child for six months, sir.
No.
There's no need to do that.
He's just a kid. It's fine.
Breaking news.
That's Neel N.
Managing Director at TRP.
He called me to
his office tomorrow.
Do you think I should
call Auntie Indira?
Can they sue me?
Wait, let me check.
They can.
Under sections 499 and
500, criminal defamation.
And section 298, speech
with intent to harm.
Shit.
I think your luck is on a hiatus.
First, you had to learn how
to survive with less money.
-Now you have to get used to jail.
-Jail?!
-Okay. How bad can it be?
-Yes.
Jail is all complex carbs.
I'll have millet flatbreads, with
some rice, and some worms.
Yeah, and worms
are technically protein.
-So Yeah.
-And millets are healthy.
Like a detox.
It's alright that I didn't
go to Viva Mayr this year.
Prison will do the trick.
Do you think this is revenge?
Samar and Agastya had asked you
to keep your no-filter mouth shut.
No.
They wouldn't do that.
Or would they?