Cashmere Mafia (2008) s01e02 Episode Script
Conference call
previously on "cashmere mafia" they're facing us off against each other for publisher.
Congratulations,mia.
You're the new publisher of barnstead media.
mia got the job,and jack called it off.
I'm sorry,mia.
alicia lawson?Caitlin dowd.
I have to tell you,I have no real experience with women.
Is it hard for you to stay faithful to me? Where'd that come from? Davis is having an affair with cilla gray.
I know about cilla gray.
Take a good look around at all our friends, and I'm going to take one of them as my lover.
Cashmere Mafia Season 1 Episode 02 your new office.
ooh,the mayor,graydon carter,howard stern? You never expect muffins from howard stern unless a stripper delivers them.
I love this! "Your future's so bright,you have to wear shades.
that's from me.
grant! Aren't we proud of our girl? We are! I haven't actually done anything yet except exercise self-control around the mfins.
Oh,publisher of the magazine group,corner office,designer swag-- mia mason,to think,you started as my assistant,and now here I am working for you.
With me.
Crumbs to the peasants.
Grant,seriously,I've got zero time to prove myself.
I have to make a splash.
I have to get ian weber to sign this exclusive to take pictures only for havoc.
I've got this one shot tomorrow night.
We go to his gallery opening.
We do the double-team sweet-talk-- it will all work out.
Really? Really,really? Because you're the only one who actually knows the man.
So I can tell you we will succeed.
You have absolutely nothing to worry about except that.
why can't he just stay in his office and admire his stuffed moose heads? He is.
You're one of them now.
Clive.
Mia.
Grant.
So I hear the wedding's off? Your fiance is a sore loser.
I'm here,and that's all that matters.
That's what I like to hear-- a woman who has her priorities straight.
Won't have to worry about drinking stale champagne at some office baby shower for you,hmm? Maybe for you though,right? I'm up to here with gays and their maternity leave.
Come see me when you have a minute.
"Come and see me when you have a minute.
" That's never good.
Well,I've only had the job five minutes.
I couldn't have screwed up yet.
Sure,you could.
No worries.
That's still long enough to put it on your resume.
but naomi has one,and she didn't even ask for it.
Her mother just came home one day and said,"look what I got you.
" Sasha,you're 10.
You shouldn't even know what a marc jacobs bag is.
Everyone does.
We love you! Love you,too! So where's the thing you wanted to show us,huh? Over here,see? Our class planted this tree.
-Oh,it's great.
-Oh,it's wonderful.
Look at that.
Miss wagner's class only planted an herb garden.
Oh,a tree is so much better.
Zoe,you're not supposed to rank the class plants.
I'm sorry,but a tree is better.
I wish I could start every morning looking at a new tree.
You can if you bring me to school.
busted.
Eric! Zoe! Hi! -Hi.
-Hi there.
Oh,great,we're being summoned by a woman in a velour track suit.
Be nice.
oh,this is such a surprise.
We never see you at drop-off.
so are you guys pumped for thursday? My mommy coming.
So is mine.
Right,mom? Class field trip? The historic harlem bus tour? We had a flyer on the bulletin board for weeks.
We have a bulletin board? Uh,wh-what time thursday? Oh,there's only room for three parents.
We've been booked for weeks.
It's our most popular trip.
Hey,lukie,you want to be in my group? Would that be okay with you? Oh,honey.
You know what?Let's do something fun after school.
The girls want to go to construct-a-bear.
You like that,too,right? yeah,okay.
I should get these guys to class.
-I'll call you later.
-Okay,bye.
Bye,sweetie! bye,mom.
Bye-bye.
You know,your husband is really adorable.
Well,that's always nice to hear from other women.
our research indicates that women don't actually want to tan.
What they want is to glow.
Well,maybe we should call it the "no-blush blush.
" You know,my concern here is that,uh,you know, we seem to be marketing mainly to a white clientele,hmm? Well,they do buy makeup.
Yeah,of course.
I'M and they certainly should glow,if that's what they want.
You did say that's what they want? I did? I did.
is anyone else thirsty? It'Sit'S sosounds good.
So we'll get to work on some pitches.
Dale,gordon,frances.
Ms.
Dowd.
Tomorrow night? Yeah,mm-hmm.
Are you wearing the product now? 'Cause I'm noticing this no-blush blush.
If I'm being really honest with myself,I,uh I wanted to get caught.
I knew what I was doing was wrong,and I think subconsciously I needed to be punished.
Juliet,are you going to punish davis? You bet your ass I am.
She says she's going to sleep with one of my friends.
Which you've already done.
"You won't know who,and you won't know when.
" Why do you think davis had the affair? Affairs.
This wasn't his first.
But the others were out of town,women I didn't know.
So this was an accepted part of the relationship? Do we really have to do this? Haven't you humiliated me enough? Do you find talking to a therapist humiliating? In that you're a complete stranger,yes.
Then don't talk to me.
Talk to davis.
We don't do that much anymore.
Uh,pretty much all we talk about is logistics-- where we're going and how we're going to get there.
Well,maybe if I didn't have to handle every single social arrangement-- who asked you to make all the social arrangements? I'd be perfectly happy hanging out at home.
That is a complete lie.
He manages a hedge fund.
He says it helps his business when people see us go out together, people see us as a new york power couple.
Then he blames me if we don't get photographed.
You're obviously very angry.
Really?Does it show? Hohave you been expressing this anger? I don'T.
Yeah,you don'T.
You don't express anything.
You don't laugh.
You don't smilE.
You don't cry.
Y-y-you're an ice queen.
I am not an ice queen.
This thing with cilla-- you confronted me in a room full of our friends, and then you got up to accept an award.
I should have killed you.
Then you'd know how I feel.
Juliet,perhaps davis felt he had to push the boundaries to get your attention.
That sounds right.
I think that was a big part of it.
And what was the other part-- having the ultimate upper east side orgasm? Hearing the $100 million woman scream out your name? am I an ice queen? -What are you talking about? -Well,a little bit.
Davis says I am,and that's why he cheated, which caused me to lose it in front of the marriage counselor, who,by the way,is no longer our marriage counselor.
It's great that you're seeing a marriage counselor,even if you can't face her again.
Well,you shouldn't stay in the marriage just because you're afraid to break a bad habit.
If juliet wants to work it out,she should probably work it out.
I don't know if I could.
Well,that's not something you have to face.
If anyone would cheat,it would be you.
What? Wait,that's a terrible thing to say.
I meant it as a compliment.
You're such a catch.
okay.
well,I guess we don need this,then.
What is it? The revenge sex spreadsheet.
This is every guy from our combined address books.
The point is to fill it out first.
So what we need to do is go through and cross off the ones that are married-- or bald,unless you're okay with bald.
Shaved can be hot.
I'll accept receding.
Ye,but juliet wants to work on her marriage.
In the meantime,she has a free pass,and she can have sex with anyone she wants,and davis can't say anything.
True.
All right.
Married.
Divorced And dating his stepdaughter.
Uh,eliot scher? Oh,gained a tremendous amount of weight.
He has no neck.
Scott presley.
Toupee with bangs.
Oh,warren keyes.
He's 5 feet tall.
Ooh,I have the perfect candidate.
Bobby walsh.
bobby walsh-- the one who got away.
I haven't seen him since business school.
Did you two date? Well,he--he asked.
I was already involved with davis.
I heard he got a d-I-v-orce and made a fortune with a health care dot-com.
Oh,my god.
You are booty-calling bobby walsh.
no,no! I-I should at least google him first.
Fine.
Googled.
Done.
there's a picture.
He still has hair.
Oh,come on.
Let me have a look.
Let me have a look.
Oh,now you're loving this.
Hey,I'm not saying it isn't fun.
Okay,let's do you next.
I I'm good.
What?What do you mean,you're good?You're never good.
thanks a lot.
I am.
I have a date.
Really? -You did mention that you kissed someone.
-You've been holding out on us.
Who? with a woman.
You've really been holding out on us.
You're gay now? Oh,she's not gay.
Excuse me.
Can the possible lesbian answer that question? I don't know if I'm gay or I'm straight.
I don't want to join a union yet or anything.
You know what?She's hip.
It's the thing to do.
It's like when everyone was pregnt,you know? Lesbians are the new babies.
Is this like when you went kosher for two weeks? Okay,I met someone I like.
It happens to be a wom.
That's all I got.
Just please be supportive.
And don't act like this never happened to any of you.
Well,I went to wellesley.
It was practically part of the curriculum.
-Exactly.
-I made out with jenny magruber at summer camp.
She was really good at lanyard.
I had some amazing plastic jewelry that summer.
I was trying to process one lesbian.
Now I have three.
James perse sample sale.
Want to come? Oh,I can'T.
I have to work.
Oh,right.
Some of us have a media empire to run, while others of us can sneak off to the james perse sample sale.
Kiss,kiss.
Is this a good time? Well,for you,clive,it's always a good time.
I couldn't really talk before with grant makinsure he still has a seat on your coattails.
So let's talk about what you're going to do as publisher.
Well,tomorrow night there's a deal I'm hoping to seal with ian weber,and-- when I say,"let's talk," I mean,"I'll talk.
sorry.
First,you're gonna find me a top-notch director of marketing.
Well,grant is our director of marketing.
My mistake.
That's second.
First is fire grant.
Cashmere Mafia Season 1 Episode 02 bobby walsh's office.
caitlin dowd.
What's it like to have sex with a stranger? What,do you have me on speed dial under "slut"? I just dialed bobby walsh's office and hung up on his receptionist.
I'm so afraid they're gonna know it was me.
No,they won't,unless they have caller I.
D.
not helping.
I'm sorry.
This is not who I am.
I hate feeling insecure.
When I say I'm going to do something,I do it.
Calm down.
It's not like you signed a contract.
I did.
I told davis I was going to have an aair.
Th's an oral contract which is legally binding in everything except real estate.
Okay,based on my experience,sex on the first date can be awkward, but it can also be wonderful.
Although as I'm running through the experience in my mind, that's rare and usually becomes awkward.
What if he's not interested? That's ridiculous.
Of course he's gonna be interested.
Why?My own husband isn'T.
I'm on fifth avenue and 70th.
How soon can you get here? What for? Leave now.
I want the latest circulation figures for all the magazines, a budget breakdown of what we're paying who, a rundown of stories for the next three issues and all of that for our major competition.
And I have,like,two pens on my desk.
I never want to have to look for a pen.
Power becomes you.
You look almost 5'2".
well,I learned from the master.
Not me,sweetheart.
You're the one who specializes in heavy lifting.
Well,I don't think it's wrong to expect people to work hard.
I mean,I do.
Yes,but we all don't have espresso machines where our heart should be.
That's probably why I don't have your job which is fine.
I'm happy to be the parrot to your pirate.
You know what? I feel like all we've been doing lately is talking about me,which I love, but still,let's talk about you.
Tell me what you've been working on.
Okay,why don't I just scoot back to my office and get my files and my notes and my laptop? Anything left in that muffin basket? I'm here.
I don't know why,but I'm here.
That's okay.
I do.
Marco,daniella,this is one of my best friends--juliet.
As you can see,juliet is an exceptionally beautiful womaN.
Please,if you havto say it I'm saying it 'cause apparently you've forgotten.
But they are gonna help you remember.
Please,after you.
I'll be right here.
-You better be.
-I'm not going anywhere.
Shoo.
The works.
All right.
Hey! mommy! Hi.
Oh,what's for dinner? We're having tofu stir-fry with steamed vegetables.
I mean,yum! Well,we made a really decadent dessert.
We made apple tart.
So you have the ingredients for apple tart in your house? Of course.
I bet you have kids lining up for playdates.
Oh,look,you do.
You know,I was thinking we should have a playdate.
I mean,it's crazy.
Our kids know each other so well.
We should all go to dinner,the four of us.
Yeah,we should,we should.
Okay,we will,then.
How's tomorrow night? Oh,tomorrow.
The,um mom,we got this for you.
For me? Yeah,it's-- it's really special.
You're gonna treasure this.
I want to reimburse you.
Oh,don't be silly.
-No,I should.
This is,like- don't be silly.
It was absolutely my pleasure.
Just say we can have dinner tomorrow night.
Okay,sure.
Okay.
You guys made this? What is it? can't wait to see it it's working mommy bear.
Do you like it? I love it.
Press the hand,press the hand! Press the hand? I can't talk now.
I'm on a conference call.
It's supposed to be you.
Put your name on the birth certificate and everything.
It was absolutely their idea.
I had nothing to do with it.
that is just it's just so unbelievable.
No,I did not say "tweak.
" I said "redo.
" Not tweak.
Redo.
Okay? I gotta call you back.
I always knew you were beautiful,but this is ridiculous.
How can you not live in there? Because if you're not going to,I will.
Thank you so much.
Just promise you won't waste it on your idiot husband.
we had a little time to talk.
They know everybody's secrets except mine.
Are you sure about that? Now will you call bobby? I can'T.
I have to go home.
It's late.
I'll do it tomorrow.
Oh-- I will.
No,you won'T but I will.
hi,yeah,bobby walsh,please? We went to business school together.
I need you to sign this.
What is it? Math test.
You got a 56? Just sign it.
Does your mother know about this? Yeah.
Communication around here has been at an all-time high.
You know,the last thing that i need right now is your attitude.
Is there a problem? Mom.
I love the new look.
Thank you.
Here you go.
Thanks for caring.
You're welcome.
What was all that about? I am much more interested in what that's about.
I needed something new.
You know what that's like.
Well,you look absolutely beautiful.
And here I was thinking we wasted our time going to that marriage counselor.
I didn't enjoy it.
Ah,but look at the result.
I only wish I'd spoken up sooner.
you're obviously committed to making this work and I'm going to do my part.
Tomorrow night we start from square one,and dinner out to celebrate.
How does nobu sound? Tomorrow night? I can'T.
I have a date.
michael,we'll be one more.
What did you say? Tell me everything you said.
I said there was gonna be a little b-school reunion, you would be there--all he needed to hear,by the way.
So bobby walsh is gonna show up here expecting some kind of party.
I think he'll be happy with the one he's getting.
I'm not going.
You're going,because we don't stay in the stable when we're the show pony.
I have something uelievably horrible to show you.
Look.
Is it tiing? I hate these theme bears.
Emily has hippie bear and biker bear and one I don't even want to ask, but looks a lot like hooker bear.
Which one is this? I n't talk now.
I'm on a conference call.
Zoe bear? Oh,honey.
It's from my kids.
My kids made it for me yesterday after school.
With who?Not eric.
This mother from the school took them on a construct-a-bear playdate.
A stay-at-home mom? Yeah.
She's on every committee.
She controls the top step at school.
I mean,she grinds her own peanut butter.
Why would she do this? It's the classic mommy war.
We make stay-at-homes feel inferior for being throwbacks who live off their spouses.
They make us feel guilty for not eliminating everything from our lives but our children.
Eric and I are supposed to have dinner with her and her husband tonight.
I just--I want to cancel.
You can'T.
Remember what they taught us in school.
You can't run from the fire.
You have to walk into it.
You have to take the enemy down the first chance you get.
This is not a drill.
Guys it's a teddy bear.
The woman fed my children tofu while I watched.
She's a monster.
oh,no.
Clive! I need to speak to you right away.
With me? Because I think the person you need to speak to is grant.
Yes,I do need to talk to you.
But first I need to talk to you.
Clive,I don't want to fire grant.
He's a valuable asset.
He gets great product placement.
He's handled four magazine launches.
This ian weber deal? Grant really deserves the credit for that.
If you trust my opinion at all as your publisher, you won't ask me to do this.
Fine.
Great.
I'll fire him.
He's phoning it in,and you know it.
Now that you're publisher,you are gonna need a director of marketing who can brings eyeballs to our magazines.
If he stays,he will drag you down,and you'll be doing his work for him.
This weber deal was your idea.
Grant is only there for moral support which you think you need,but you don'T.
Mia,at this level decisions get tough.
I thought you already knew that.
yeah,I could do the financial model, but we're only talking about a $50 million difference.
Of course.
Yes.
It's just,the figures are gonna be exactly what you'd expect.
zach,I'm late for dinner.
Tell katherine I need to see her.
Katherine left for the day.
What? Damn it.
yeah.
All right,nelson,you'll have them in one hour.
One hour.
No,no.
It's okay.
We'll see you when you get here,huh? Hey! Hi.
How are you? Really good.
Um,zoe's running late.
Okay,well,strauss got stuck in boston.
Oh.
Uh,should we do this another night? I don't know.
I mean,we're here.
I'm pretty hungry.
Excuse me.
We can seat you at your table if you'd like.
Uh,sure.
Why not? right this way.
zach,there's no paper in the printer! I'm printing it on your machine.
eric,if you get this,it's 9:00.
I'm on my way.
Uh,purse.
Thank you! You're welcome.
thank you.
So if I'm not prying,is this pretty typical for you,too? Dinner without your spouse? Oh,I can usually wait.
Cereal helps.
see,I don't usually have that option.
Strauss always seems to be getting stuck somewhere.
Well,luckily,they have us to balance them out.
That's true.
But what do we have? not sure what you mean.
Are you sure you're not sure? The only safe affair is between two people who want to stay in their marriages.
You have a good time,you go home.
Nobody gets hurt.
It sounds like you've had some experience with this.
no,actually,I haven'T.
I'm just trying to sound confident so you'll agrewith me.
You don't have to answer me now.
This is one of those offers that's good anytime.
was I wrong to say something? Hi.
Hi! Hey.
I tried to call,but you weren't answering your phone.
Oh,I-I didn't hear it.
I'm so glad you could make it.
Oh,well,I would have hated to miss this.
Juliet? Bobby,hi.
Are we the first ones here? Looks that way.
Is davis here? No,not his sort of thing.
Well,I'm glad you showed up.
Yeah.
I wasn't sure I was going to.
I guess people really don't like these reunions.
Although if I can be honest,you're the only one I came to see.
Good news.
I'm the only one you will see.
Bobby,there i no b-school reunion.
So what am I doing here? Meeting me for a drink under false pretenses.
Except I would have met you for a drink anytime.
I didn't know that,and I was too chicken to call you myself, and you wouldn't believe the effort that has gone into this, and before I tell you anything else,I'm gonna need that drink.
There is nothing my daughter loves more than going to a shopping mall.
Oh,sasha,too.
Right? The suburban nightmare we all grew up with.
Can you believe it? You know you're raising a new york city kid when they complain about never getting to go to a mall.
I'm sorry.
Where did you say your husband was? -Boston.
-Excuse me.
Oh,look.
This looks great.
Oh,my goodness.
Thank you very much.
Wow,now that's a steak.
Yeah,this looks really,really good.
How is yours?It looks good.
Fabulous.
Oh,you know what? I-I've been meaning to tell you,I love your kitchen.
It's so inviting.
The other day I went over there to pick up adrienne.
I don't know if eric told you,but I just had the hardest time leaving.
No,he didn't mention it.
Well,and then I found out that you designed it.
I mean,I knew you were an architect, but I've been talking to architects for a year looking for someone to design my kitchen, and it seems that,well,you know,most of their designs come from here.
But your work seems to come from here.
Thank you.
Would you consider? And before you say anything,you should know that "architectural digest" wants to do a feature on the renovation.
I mean,that would be amazing.
Don't you think? Are you even available? he,uh,he's got A you--this big job in charleston.
Yeah,but you know-- he's not even-- you're really not even gonna-- he's not even gonna be in the city,so yeah,but I think,you know,I-I could handle both.
I'm available.
caitlin! Hey,mike.
Wow,you're looking good,babe.
Thank you.
Gonna introduce me to your friend? Uh,alicia,mike.
Mike,alicia.
We used to date.
'Course,you never mentioned you played for both teams.
I don't--that's crazy.
I don'T.
It's cool,you know?Whatever's the game,right? Uh,you knowhat?I'm beat.
I'm gonna call it a night.
So you two have fun.
It was nice meeting you,mike.
He seems like a nice guy.
Your type.
You know what's weird? You're like the third chick that's gone gay on me.
And then I threatened him.
I told him I was going to take a lover.
Okay.
You're just as crazy as you were in business school.
The secret to my success.
And I'm the lucky guy? I told him it was a threat,not a promise.
Juliet,most marriages don't work out.
Mine didn'T.
It's tough,but you get through it.
I come from a long line of dignified sufferers.
Look-- and I admit I'm biased-- but even if you could convince me that you were the source of all the trouble in your marriage, davis wasn't gonna solve 'em by cheating.
And will I? I've been with him since I was 22.
For me,maybe a bad marriage is better than no marriage.
I hope you don't believe that.
I don't know what I'm feeling right now.
You want to know if I'm a good guy.
I'll be whatever guy you want me to be.
Well yeah.
What happens now? I don't know.
Can I call you? I'm not sure that's t best idea.
I've got better ones,but they all start with calling you.
When I'm ready,I'll call you.
Bye.
You can't take that job.
Zoe,it's fine.
I can handle both.
No.
I'm asking you not to take it.
Why would you do that? It's--it's a career-making opportunity.
It'd be a showcase even without the "architectural digest" piece.
Yeah,well,I think it's fairly obvious what kind of opportunity it'll be.
She likes my work.
Don't you think she likes my work? Uh I think she likes the way you work it.
Well,I'm flattered by your high opinion of my ability.
Yeah.
You're a wonderful architect,but this isn't about that.
So--so what's it about? She has come up with a way to get you into her home where there doesn't seem to be much chance of running into her husband.
I mean,where is he? okay.
So let me get this.
In your version,I'm not an architect.
I'm like some actor in a porn video starring the lonely housewife and the guy with the tool belt.
Thanks.
So I'm totally off base here? She's not interested in you in that way? Well,even if she were "even if she were"? So she is.
is that what I walked in on tonight? You didn't walk in on anything.
She was leaning across the table sting into your eyes,this very,uh,hopeful,expectant,yearning look on her face.
I saw it.
She was hitting on you.
Yeah,she was.
But so what? Nothing happened.
Nothing would ever happen.
You know that.
Don't you know that? Yeah,but isn't that just what people say right up until something does happen? I step back for you.
I let you do what you want to do with work because I see it makes you happy.
Can't you do the same for me? and after the first year,we publish a coffee-table book, limited run,very high-end.
A collector's edition.
Yes,I like that.
Great.
Then I'll send out a press release saying that we've got you and-- but I want it to be the size of a coffee table, so that there can be no other books,like we discussed.
I think it's genius.
except that coffee tables come in ny sizes.
Therefore you would have to order the book custom-made to fit your coffee table.
I thought this was worked out.
Uh,you know can you just excuse me for one minute? I'm so sorry.
I know you're busy.
Would you know a panic attack if you saw one? Why?Are you okay? Not really.
I'm tanking.
What are you doing here?Aren't you supposed to be on your l-lady date? I screwed it up.
We ran into this guy I used to go out with,and I should've told him to get lost, but I didn'T.
I know.
I just stood there-- this guy I used to go out with on one side of me, this girl I'm going out with on the other side of me,and I'm thinking to myself, do I even know how to have a relationship? Because I don't think I do.
My life--it's like a romantic comedy that's never romantic or comedic.
My life is nothing like a romantic comedy! Oh,honey,hold on.
I have to deal with this.
Wait! Just tell me-- do you think I'm capable of being in a normal relationship? Yes.
just grant,can I talk to you for one second? What just happened there? Look,you want the deal.
He wants the books.
I'm just giving everybody what they want.
You should be thanking me.
Grant,you're fired.
What? Ian,I love your work,and I will give it the showcase it deserves, but I cannot custom-make coffee-table books the size of coffee tables.
Well,it never hurts to ask.
was that your idea of a joke? No,this is awful.
This is the worst thing ever.
-I never thought I'd have to do something like this.
-I'm so sorry to bother you.
This is a really big question for me,and I want you to be totay honest.
Still busy! You're actually firing me? You wouldn't be where you are today if it weren't for me.
Oh,no,no,no.
That's not true.
caitlin -well,he's being a-- -I can handle this.
I just don't want him to say things he's gonna regret later.
I'm kind of an expert in that.
Oh,you mean like,um,like when I said you were hired? I shouldn't regret that? Grant,can we talk about this outside? no.
Everybody in this room knows what a bitch you are! first,you whack your fiance.
Then you knife your mentor,and it's only day two.
At this rate,you're gonna have a lot of bodies on your hands.
Grant! See,that's the kind of thing he's gonna regret later.
So far I've seen it on mediabistro,romanesk it got over 6,000 hits on gawker.
They're calling me "barnstead's bitch on heels.
no one's even mentioning the fact that I made an exclusive deal with ian weber.
Look,let's face it.
You didn't get where you are by being a nice person.
I'm not saying you're not a nice person.
You're a really nice person.
Just maybe not so much at your job.
Tracy,can you hold on a minute? I-I'll call you back.
The disparity in the circulation figures are because of discount subscription services.
I was just gonna tell u you did a really nice job.
Thanks.
I want to do what you did work my way up.
Well,that's nice to know.
Tell me,have you given any thought to what you want to do next? Maybe something with ian weber? He can be very difficult but I think you can handle it.
How about a pair of sunglasses? What's a woman got to do to get flowers like these,huh? Whatever it is,I've never done it,and I've given birth to triplets.
Wait.
Something's up.
Does this mean they already closed the tokyo deal? -Morning.
-Good morning.
These came for you.
Really? They're gorgeous.
They're from my husband.
Must be a special occasion.
Well,let's just say it's an occasion.
These are for you,too.
Can not stop thinking about you.
----Bobby.
Expecting any more? Who knows?It's still early.
Alicia! Alicia! Why did you leave last night? Look,if someone doesn't want to be on a date with me,then guess what? They don't have to be on a date with me.
I should have said it.
I did want to say it.
It's just,he was asking me all these questions-- am I gay? Am I straight? Am I with you? These are things other people know about themselves that I,apparently,don't know about myself.
And it's really scary to realize you don't know them.
I've never even had a really serious,really successful relationship.
I don't--I don't think I can honestly say I've even had a semi-serious,moderately successful relationship.
These are things you should probably know before you get in a relationship with me.
Caitlin,we just met a week ago.
We haven't even had a complete date yet.
Sotoo soon for the "r" word,then.
Kinda.
see? This is stuff I don't know.
I have a lot to learn.
That's okay,'cause I'm an excellent teacher.
Hey! Mommy! Oh,lukie,I need to talk to your mommy for just a second.
See you in a minute! Oh,god.
This is a little awkward.
There's only three parents allowed on this trip.
I know.
There was a waiting list,and a lot of parents missed out.
So I thought,what if we made other arrangements? oh,just so you know,I don't blame you for hitting on my husband.
He's a good-looking guy,and he's an adult.
I trust him to make his own decisions.
But don't hit on my kids ever again.
Hey,is this how we do a bus tour or what? yeah! zoe,I'm patching you through.
and how was it with bobby walsh? Hey,mia,you were all over the internet this morning.
Yeah,I'd be scared to work for you.
you had your date last night-- you know,I just want to say one thing-- uh,I can't talk now.
I'm on a conference call.
Cashmere Mafia Season 1 Episode 02
Congratulations,mia.
You're the new publisher of barnstead media.
mia got the job,and jack called it off.
I'm sorry,mia.
alicia lawson?Caitlin dowd.
I have to tell you,I have no real experience with women.
Is it hard for you to stay faithful to me? Where'd that come from? Davis is having an affair with cilla gray.
I know about cilla gray.
Take a good look around at all our friends, and I'm going to take one of them as my lover.
Cashmere Mafia Season 1 Episode 02 your new office.
ooh,the mayor,graydon carter,howard stern? You never expect muffins from howard stern unless a stripper delivers them.
I love this! "Your future's so bright,you have to wear shades.
that's from me.
grant! Aren't we proud of our girl? We are! I haven't actually done anything yet except exercise self-control around the mfins.
Oh,publisher of the magazine group,corner office,designer swag-- mia mason,to think,you started as my assistant,and now here I am working for you.
With me.
Crumbs to the peasants.
Grant,seriously,I've got zero time to prove myself.
I have to make a splash.
I have to get ian weber to sign this exclusive to take pictures only for havoc.
I've got this one shot tomorrow night.
We go to his gallery opening.
We do the double-team sweet-talk-- it will all work out.
Really? Really,really? Because you're the only one who actually knows the man.
So I can tell you we will succeed.
You have absolutely nothing to worry about except that.
why can't he just stay in his office and admire his stuffed moose heads? He is.
You're one of them now.
Clive.
Mia.
Grant.
So I hear the wedding's off? Your fiance is a sore loser.
I'm here,and that's all that matters.
That's what I like to hear-- a woman who has her priorities straight.
Won't have to worry about drinking stale champagne at some office baby shower for you,hmm? Maybe for you though,right? I'm up to here with gays and their maternity leave.
Come see me when you have a minute.
"Come and see me when you have a minute.
" That's never good.
Well,I've only had the job five minutes.
I couldn't have screwed up yet.
Sure,you could.
No worries.
That's still long enough to put it on your resume.
but naomi has one,and she didn't even ask for it.
Her mother just came home one day and said,"look what I got you.
" Sasha,you're 10.
You shouldn't even know what a marc jacobs bag is.
Everyone does.
We love you! Love you,too! So where's the thing you wanted to show us,huh? Over here,see? Our class planted this tree.
-Oh,it's great.
-Oh,it's wonderful.
Look at that.
Miss wagner's class only planted an herb garden.
Oh,a tree is so much better.
Zoe,you're not supposed to rank the class plants.
I'm sorry,but a tree is better.
I wish I could start every morning looking at a new tree.
You can if you bring me to school.
busted.
Eric! Zoe! Hi! -Hi.
-Hi there.
Oh,great,we're being summoned by a woman in a velour track suit.
Be nice.
oh,this is such a surprise.
We never see you at drop-off.
so are you guys pumped for thursday? My mommy coming.
So is mine.
Right,mom? Class field trip? The historic harlem bus tour? We had a flyer on the bulletin board for weeks.
We have a bulletin board? Uh,wh-what time thursday? Oh,there's only room for three parents.
We've been booked for weeks.
It's our most popular trip.
Hey,lukie,you want to be in my group? Would that be okay with you? Oh,honey.
You know what?Let's do something fun after school.
The girls want to go to construct-a-bear.
You like that,too,right? yeah,okay.
I should get these guys to class.
-I'll call you later.
-Okay,bye.
Bye,sweetie! bye,mom.
Bye-bye.
You know,your husband is really adorable.
Well,that's always nice to hear from other women.
our research indicates that women don't actually want to tan.
What they want is to glow.
Well,maybe we should call it the "no-blush blush.
" You know,my concern here is that,uh,you know, we seem to be marketing mainly to a white clientele,hmm? Well,they do buy makeup.
Yeah,of course.
I'M and they certainly should glow,if that's what they want.
You did say that's what they want? I did? I did.
is anyone else thirsty? It'Sit'S sosounds good.
So we'll get to work on some pitches.
Dale,gordon,frances.
Ms.
Dowd.
Tomorrow night? Yeah,mm-hmm.
Are you wearing the product now? 'Cause I'm noticing this no-blush blush.
If I'm being really honest with myself,I,uh I wanted to get caught.
I knew what I was doing was wrong,and I think subconsciously I needed to be punished.
Juliet,are you going to punish davis? You bet your ass I am.
She says she's going to sleep with one of my friends.
Which you've already done.
"You won't know who,and you won't know when.
" Why do you think davis had the affair? Affairs.
This wasn't his first.
But the others were out of town,women I didn't know.
So this was an accepted part of the relationship? Do we really have to do this? Haven't you humiliated me enough? Do you find talking to a therapist humiliating? In that you're a complete stranger,yes.
Then don't talk to me.
Talk to davis.
We don't do that much anymore.
Uh,pretty much all we talk about is logistics-- where we're going and how we're going to get there.
Well,maybe if I didn't have to handle every single social arrangement-- who asked you to make all the social arrangements? I'd be perfectly happy hanging out at home.
That is a complete lie.
He manages a hedge fund.
He says it helps his business when people see us go out together, people see us as a new york power couple.
Then he blames me if we don't get photographed.
You're obviously very angry.
Really?Does it show? Hohave you been expressing this anger? I don'T.
Yeah,you don'T.
You don't express anything.
You don't laugh.
You don't smilE.
You don't cry.
Y-y-you're an ice queen.
I am not an ice queen.
This thing with cilla-- you confronted me in a room full of our friends, and then you got up to accept an award.
I should have killed you.
Then you'd know how I feel.
Juliet,perhaps davis felt he had to push the boundaries to get your attention.
That sounds right.
I think that was a big part of it.
And what was the other part-- having the ultimate upper east side orgasm? Hearing the $100 million woman scream out your name? am I an ice queen? -What are you talking about? -Well,a little bit.
Davis says I am,and that's why he cheated, which caused me to lose it in front of the marriage counselor, who,by the way,is no longer our marriage counselor.
It's great that you're seeing a marriage counselor,even if you can't face her again.
Well,you shouldn't stay in the marriage just because you're afraid to break a bad habit.
If juliet wants to work it out,she should probably work it out.
I don't know if I could.
Well,that's not something you have to face.
If anyone would cheat,it would be you.
What? Wait,that's a terrible thing to say.
I meant it as a compliment.
You're such a catch.
okay.
well,I guess we don need this,then.
What is it? The revenge sex spreadsheet.
This is every guy from our combined address books.
The point is to fill it out first.
So what we need to do is go through and cross off the ones that are married-- or bald,unless you're okay with bald.
Shaved can be hot.
I'll accept receding.
Ye,but juliet wants to work on her marriage.
In the meantime,she has a free pass,and she can have sex with anyone she wants,and davis can't say anything.
True.
All right.
Married.
Divorced And dating his stepdaughter.
Uh,eliot scher? Oh,gained a tremendous amount of weight.
He has no neck.
Scott presley.
Toupee with bangs.
Oh,warren keyes.
He's 5 feet tall.
Ooh,I have the perfect candidate.
Bobby walsh.
bobby walsh-- the one who got away.
I haven't seen him since business school.
Did you two date? Well,he--he asked.
I was already involved with davis.
I heard he got a d-I-v-orce and made a fortune with a health care dot-com.
Oh,my god.
You are booty-calling bobby walsh.
no,no! I-I should at least google him first.
Fine.
Googled.
Done.
there's a picture.
He still has hair.
Oh,come on.
Let me have a look.
Let me have a look.
Oh,now you're loving this.
Hey,I'm not saying it isn't fun.
Okay,let's do you next.
I I'm good.
What?What do you mean,you're good?You're never good.
thanks a lot.
I am.
I have a date.
Really? -You did mention that you kissed someone.
-You've been holding out on us.
Who? with a woman.
You've really been holding out on us.
You're gay now? Oh,she's not gay.
Excuse me.
Can the possible lesbian answer that question? I don't know if I'm gay or I'm straight.
I don't want to join a union yet or anything.
You know what?She's hip.
It's the thing to do.
It's like when everyone was pregnt,you know? Lesbians are the new babies.
Is this like when you went kosher for two weeks? Okay,I met someone I like.
It happens to be a wom.
That's all I got.
Just please be supportive.
And don't act like this never happened to any of you.
Well,I went to wellesley.
It was practically part of the curriculum.
-Exactly.
-I made out with jenny magruber at summer camp.
She was really good at lanyard.
I had some amazing plastic jewelry that summer.
I was trying to process one lesbian.
Now I have three.
James perse sample sale.
Want to come? Oh,I can'T.
I have to work.
Oh,right.
Some of us have a media empire to run, while others of us can sneak off to the james perse sample sale.
Kiss,kiss.
Is this a good time? Well,for you,clive,it's always a good time.
I couldn't really talk before with grant makinsure he still has a seat on your coattails.
So let's talk about what you're going to do as publisher.
Well,tomorrow night there's a deal I'm hoping to seal with ian weber,and-- when I say,"let's talk," I mean,"I'll talk.
sorry.
First,you're gonna find me a top-notch director of marketing.
Well,grant is our director of marketing.
My mistake.
That's second.
First is fire grant.
Cashmere Mafia Season 1 Episode 02 bobby walsh's office.
caitlin dowd.
What's it like to have sex with a stranger? What,do you have me on speed dial under "slut"? I just dialed bobby walsh's office and hung up on his receptionist.
I'm so afraid they're gonna know it was me.
No,they won't,unless they have caller I.
D.
not helping.
I'm sorry.
This is not who I am.
I hate feeling insecure.
When I say I'm going to do something,I do it.
Calm down.
It's not like you signed a contract.
I did.
I told davis I was going to have an aair.
Th's an oral contract which is legally binding in everything except real estate.
Okay,based on my experience,sex on the first date can be awkward, but it can also be wonderful.
Although as I'm running through the experience in my mind, that's rare and usually becomes awkward.
What if he's not interested? That's ridiculous.
Of course he's gonna be interested.
Why?My own husband isn'T.
I'm on fifth avenue and 70th.
How soon can you get here? What for? Leave now.
I want the latest circulation figures for all the magazines, a budget breakdown of what we're paying who, a rundown of stories for the next three issues and all of that for our major competition.
And I have,like,two pens on my desk.
I never want to have to look for a pen.
Power becomes you.
You look almost 5'2".
well,I learned from the master.
Not me,sweetheart.
You're the one who specializes in heavy lifting.
Well,I don't think it's wrong to expect people to work hard.
I mean,I do.
Yes,but we all don't have espresso machines where our heart should be.
That's probably why I don't have your job which is fine.
I'm happy to be the parrot to your pirate.
You know what? I feel like all we've been doing lately is talking about me,which I love, but still,let's talk about you.
Tell me what you've been working on.
Okay,why don't I just scoot back to my office and get my files and my notes and my laptop? Anything left in that muffin basket? I'm here.
I don't know why,but I'm here.
That's okay.
I do.
Marco,daniella,this is one of my best friends--juliet.
As you can see,juliet is an exceptionally beautiful womaN.
Please,if you havto say it I'm saying it 'cause apparently you've forgotten.
But they are gonna help you remember.
Please,after you.
I'll be right here.
-You better be.
-I'm not going anywhere.
Shoo.
The works.
All right.
Hey! mommy! Hi.
Oh,what's for dinner? We're having tofu stir-fry with steamed vegetables.
I mean,yum! Well,we made a really decadent dessert.
We made apple tart.
So you have the ingredients for apple tart in your house? Of course.
I bet you have kids lining up for playdates.
Oh,look,you do.
You know,I was thinking we should have a playdate.
I mean,it's crazy.
Our kids know each other so well.
We should all go to dinner,the four of us.
Yeah,we should,we should.
Okay,we will,then.
How's tomorrow night? Oh,tomorrow.
The,um mom,we got this for you.
For me? Yeah,it's-- it's really special.
You're gonna treasure this.
I want to reimburse you.
Oh,don't be silly.
-No,I should.
This is,like- don't be silly.
It was absolutely my pleasure.
Just say we can have dinner tomorrow night.
Okay,sure.
Okay.
You guys made this? What is it? can't wait to see it it's working mommy bear.
Do you like it? I love it.
Press the hand,press the hand! Press the hand? I can't talk now.
I'm on a conference call.
It's supposed to be you.
Put your name on the birth certificate and everything.
It was absolutely their idea.
I had nothing to do with it.
that is just it's just so unbelievable.
No,I did not say "tweak.
" I said "redo.
" Not tweak.
Redo.
Okay? I gotta call you back.
I always knew you were beautiful,but this is ridiculous.
How can you not live in there? Because if you're not going to,I will.
Thank you so much.
Just promise you won't waste it on your idiot husband.
we had a little time to talk.
They know everybody's secrets except mine.
Are you sure about that? Now will you call bobby? I can'T.
I have to go home.
It's late.
I'll do it tomorrow.
Oh-- I will.
No,you won'T but I will.
hi,yeah,bobby walsh,please? We went to business school together.
I need you to sign this.
What is it? Math test.
You got a 56? Just sign it.
Does your mother know about this? Yeah.
Communication around here has been at an all-time high.
You know,the last thing that i need right now is your attitude.
Is there a problem? Mom.
I love the new look.
Thank you.
Here you go.
Thanks for caring.
You're welcome.
What was all that about? I am much more interested in what that's about.
I needed something new.
You know what that's like.
Well,you look absolutely beautiful.
And here I was thinking we wasted our time going to that marriage counselor.
I didn't enjoy it.
Ah,but look at the result.
I only wish I'd spoken up sooner.
you're obviously committed to making this work and I'm going to do my part.
Tomorrow night we start from square one,and dinner out to celebrate.
How does nobu sound? Tomorrow night? I can'T.
I have a date.
michael,we'll be one more.
What did you say? Tell me everything you said.
I said there was gonna be a little b-school reunion, you would be there--all he needed to hear,by the way.
So bobby walsh is gonna show up here expecting some kind of party.
I think he'll be happy with the one he's getting.
I'm not going.
You're going,because we don't stay in the stable when we're the show pony.
I have something uelievably horrible to show you.
Look.
Is it tiing? I hate these theme bears.
Emily has hippie bear and biker bear and one I don't even want to ask, but looks a lot like hooker bear.
Which one is this? I n't talk now.
I'm on a conference call.
Zoe bear? Oh,honey.
It's from my kids.
My kids made it for me yesterday after school.
With who?Not eric.
This mother from the school took them on a construct-a-bear playdate.
A stay-at-home mom? Yeah.
She's on every committee.
She controls the top step at school.
I mean,she grinds her own peanut butter.
Why would she do this? It's the classic mommy war.
We make stay-at-homes feel inferior for being throwbacks who live off their spouses.
They make us feel guilty for not eliminating everything from our lives but our children.
Eric and I are supposed to have dinner with her and her husband tonight.
I just--I want to cancel.
You can'T.
Remember what they taught us in school.
You can't run from the fire.
You have to walk into it.
You have to take the enemy down the first chance you get.
This is not a drill.
Guys it's a teddy bear.
The woman fed my children tofu while I watched.
She's a monster.
oh,no.
Clive! I need to speak to you right away.
With me? Because I think the person you need to speak to is grant.
Yes,I do need to talk to you.
But first I need to talk to you.
Clive,I don't want to fire grant.
He's a valuable asset.
He gets great product placement.
He's handled four magazine launches.
This ian weber deal? Grant really deserves the credit for that.
If you trust my opinion at all as your publisher, you won't ask me to do this.
Fine.
Great.
I'll fire him.
He's phoning it in,and you know it.
Now that you're publisher,you are gonna need a director of marketing who can brings eyeballs to our magazines.
If he stays,he will drag you down,and you'll be doing his work for him.
This weber deal was your idea.
Grant is only there for moral support which you think you need,but you don'T.
Mia,at this level decisions get tough.
I thought you already knew that.
yeah,I could do the financial model, but we're only talking about a $50 million difference.
Of course.
Yes.
It's just,the figures are gonna be exactly what you'd expect.
zach,I'm late for dinner.
Tell katherine I need to see her.
Katherine left for the day.
What? Damn it.
yeah.
All right,nelson,you'll have them in one hour.
One hour.
No,no.
It's okay.
We'll see you when you get here,huh? Hey! Hi.
How are you? Really good.
Um,zoe's running late.
Okay,well,strauss got stuck in boston.
Oh.
Uh,should we do this another night? I don't know.
I mean,we're here.
I'm pretty hungry.
Excuse me.
We can seat you at your table if you'd like.
Uh,sure.
Why not? right this way.
zach,there's no paper in the printer! I'm printing it on your machine.
eric,if you get this,it's 9:00.
I'm on my way.
Uh,purse.
Thank you! You're welcome.
thank you.
So if I'm not prying,is this pretty typical for you,too? Dinner without your spouse? Oh,I can usually wait.
Cereal helps.
see,I don't usually have that option.
Strauss always seems to be getting stuck somewhere.
Well,luckily,they have us to balance them out.
That's true.
But what do we have? not sure what you mean.
Are you sure you're not sure? The only safe affair is between two people who want to stay in their marriages.
You have a good time,you go home.
Nobody gets hurt.
It sounds like you've had some experience with this.
no,actually,I haven'T.
I'm just trying to sound confident so you'll agrewith me.
You don't have to answer me now.
This is one of those offers that's good anytime.
was I wrong to say something? Hi.
Hi! Hey.
I tried to call,but you weren't answering your phone.
Oh,I-I didn't hear it.
I'm so glad you could make it.
Oh,well,I would have hated to miss this.
Juliet? Bobby,hi.
Are we the first ones here? Looks that way.
Is davis here? No,not his sort of thing.
Well,I'm glad you showed up.
Yeah.
I wasn't sure I was going to.
I guess people really don't like these reunions.
Although if I can be honest,you're the only one I came to see.
Good news.
I'm the only one you will see.
Bobby,there i no b-school reunion.
So what am I doing here? Meeting me for a drink under false pretenses.
Except I would have met you for a drink anytime.
I didn't know that,and I was too chicken to call you myself, and you wouldn't believe the effort that has gone into this, and before I tell you anything else,I'm gonna need that drink.
There is nothing my daughter loves more than going to a shopping mall.
Oh,sasha,too.
Right? The suburban nightmare we all grew up with.
Can you believe it? You know you're raising a new york city kid when they complain about never getting to go to a mall.
I'm sorry.
Where did you say your husband was? -Boston.
-Excuse me.
Oh,look.
This looks great.
Oh,my goodness.
Thank you very much.
Wow,now that's a steak.
Yeah,this looks really,really good.
How is yours?It looks good.
Fabulous.
Oh,you know what? I-I've been meaning to tell you,I love your kitchen.
It's so inviting.
The other day I went over there to pick up adrienne.
I don't know if eric told you,but I just had the hardest time leaving.
No,he didn't mention it.
Well,and then I found out that you designed it.
I mean,I knew you were an architect, but I've been talking to architects for a year looking for someone to design my kitchen, and it seems that,well,you know,most of their designs come from here.
But your work seems to come from here.
Thank you.
Would you consider? And before you say anything,you should know that "architectural digest" wants to do a feature on the renovation.
I mean,that would be amazing.
Don't you think? Are you even available? he,uh,he's got A you--this big job in charleston.
Yeah,but you know-- he's not even-- you're really not even gonna-- he's not even gonna be in the city,so yeah,but I think,you know,I-I could handle both.
I'm available.
caitlin! Hey,mike.
Wow,you're looking good,babe.
Thank you.
Gonna introduce me to your friend? Uh,alicia,mike.
Mike,alicia.
We used to date.
'Course,you never mentioned you played for both teams.
I don't--that's crazy.
I don'T.
It's cool,you know?Whatever's the game,right? Uh,you knowhat?I'm beat.
I'm gonna call it a night.
So you two have fun.
It was nice meeting you,mike.
He seems like a nice guy.
Your type.
You know what's weird? You're like the third chick that's gone gay on me.
And then I threatened him.
I told him I was going to take a lover.
Okay.
You're just as crazy as you were in business school.
The secret to my success.
And I'm the lucky guy? I told him it was a threat,not a promise.
Juliet,most marriages don't work out.
Mine didn'T.
It's tough,but you get through it.
I come from a long line of dignified sufferers.
Look-- and I admit I'm biased-- but even if you could convince me that you were the source of all the trouble in your marriage, davis wasn't gonna solve 'em by cheating.
And will I? I've been with him since I was 22.
For me,maybe a bad marriage is better than no marriage.
I hope you don't believe that.
I don't know what I'm feeling right now.
You want to know if I'm a good guy.
I'll be whatever guy you want me to be.
Well yeah.
What happens now? I don't know.
Can I call you? I'm not sure that's t best idea.
I've got better ones,but they all start with calling you.
When I'm ready,I'll call you.
Bye.
You can't take that job.
Zoe,it's fine.
I can handle both.
No.
I'm asking you not to take it.
Why would you do that? It's--it's a career-making opportunity.
It'd be a showcase even without the "architectural digest" piece.
Yeah,well,I think it's fairly obvious what kind of opportunity it'll be.
She likes my work.
Don't you think she likes my work? Uh I think she likes the way you work it.
Well,I'm flattered by your high opinion of my ability.
Yeah.
You're a wonderful architect,but this isn't about that.
So--so what's it about? She has come up with a way to get you into her home where there doesn't seem to be much chance of running into her husband.
I mean,where is he? okay.
So let me get this.
In your version,I'm not an architect.
I'm like some actor in a porn video starring the lonely housewife and the guy with the tool belt.
Thanks.
So I'm totally off base here? She's not interested in you in that way? Well,even if she were "even if she were"? So she is.
is that what I walked in on tonight? You didn't walk in on anything.
She was leaning across the table sting into your eyes,this very,uh,hopeful,expectant,yearning look on her face.
I saw it.
She was hitting on you.
Yeah,she was.
But so what? Nothing happened.
Nothing would ever happen.
You know that.
Don't you know that? Yeah,but isn't that just what people say right up until something does happen? I step back for you.
I let you do what you want to do with work because I see it makes you happy.
Can't you do the same for me? and after the first year,we publish a coffee-table book, limited run,very high-end.
A collector's edition.
Yes,I like that.
Great.
Then I'll send out a press release saying that we've got you and-- but I want it to be the size of a coffee table, so that there can be no other books,like we discussed.
I think it's genius.
except that coffee tables come in ny sizes.
Therefore you would have to order the book custom-made to fit your coffee table.
I thought this was worked out.
Uh,you know can you just excuse me for one minute? I'm so sorry.
I know you're busy.
Would you know a panic attack if you saw one? Why?Are you okay? Not really.
I'm tanking.
What are you doing here?Aren't you supposed to be on your l-lady date? I screwed it up.
We ran into this guy I used to go out with,and I should've told him to get lost, but I didn'T.
I know.
I just stood there-- this guy I used to go out with on one side of me, this girl I'm going out with on the other side of me,and I'm thinking to myself, do I even know how to have a relationship? Because I don't think I do.
My life--it's like a romantic comedy that's never romantic or comedic.
My life is nothing like a romantic comedy! Oh,honey,hold on.
I have to deal with this.
Wait! Just tell me-- do you think I'm capable of being in a normal relationship? Yes.
just grant,can I talk to you for one second? What just happened there? Look,you want the deal.
He wants the books.
I'm just giving everybody what they want.
You should be thanking me.
Grant,you're fired.
What? Ian,I love your work,and I will give it the showcase it deserves, but I cannot custom-make coffee-table books the size of coffee tables.
Well,it never hurts to ask.
was that your idea of a joke? No,this is awful.
This is the worst thing ever.
-I never thought I'd have to do something like this.
-I'm so sorry to bother you.
This is a really big question for me,and I want you to be totay honest.
Still busy! You're actually firing me? You wouldn't be where you are today if it weren't for me.
Oh,no,no,no.
That's not true.
caitlin -well,he's being a-- -I can handle this.
I just don't want him to say things he's gonna regret later.
I'm kind of an expert in that.
Oh,you mean like,um,like when I said you were hired? I shouldn't regret that? Grant,can we talk about this outside? no.
Everybody in this room knows what a bitch you are! first,you whack your fiance.
Then you knife your mentor,and it's only day two.
At this rate,you're gonna have a lot of bodies on your hands.
Grant! See,that's the kind of thing he's gonna regret later.
So far I've seen it on mediabistro,romanesk it got over 6,000 hits on gawker.
They're calling me "barnstead's bitch on heels.
no one's even mentioning the fact that I made an exclusive deal with ian weber.
Look,let's face it.
You didn't get where you are by being a nice person.
I'm not saying you're not a nice person.
You're a really nice person.
Just maybe not so much at your job.
Tracy,can you hold on a minute? I-I'll call you back.
The disparity in the circulation figures are because of discount subscription services.
I was just gonna tell u you did a really nice job.
Thanks.
I want to do what you did work my way up.
Well,that's nice to know.
Tell me,have you given any thought to what you want to do next? Maybe something with ian weber? He can be very difficult but I think you can handle it.
How about a pair of sunglasses? What's a woman got to do to get flowers like these,huh? Whatever it is,I've never done it,and I've given birth to triplets.
Wait.
Something's up.
Does this mean they already closed the tokyo deal? -Morning.
-Good morning.
These came for you.
Really? They're gorgeous.
They're from my husband.
Must be a special occasion.
Well,let's just say it's an occasion.
These are for you,too.
Can not stop thinking about you.
----Bobby.
Expecting any more? Who knows?It's still early.
Alicia! Alicia! Why did you leave last night? Look,if someone doesn't want to be on a date with me,then guess what? They don't have to be on a date with me.
I should have said it.
I did want to say it.
It's just,he was asking me all these questions-- am I gay? Am I straight? Am I with you? These are things other people know about themselves that I,apparently,don't know about myself.
And it's really scary to realize you don't know them.
I've never even had a really serious,really successful relationship.
I don't--I don't think I can honestly say I've even had a semi-serious,moderately successful relationship.
These are things you should probably know before you get in a relationship with me.
Caitlin,we just met a week ago.
We haven't even had a complete date yet.
Sotoo soon for the "r" word,then.
Kinda.
see? This is stuff I don't know.
I have a lot to learn.
That's okay,'cause I'm an excellent teacher.
Hey! Mommy! Oh,lukie,I need to talk to your mommy for just a second.
See you in a minute! Oh,god.
This is a little awkward.
There's only three parents allowed on this trip.
I know.
There was a waiting list,and a lot of parents missed out.
So I thought,what if we made other arrangements? oh,just so you know,I don't blame you for hitting on my husband.
He's a good-looking guy,and he's an adult.
I trust him to make his own decisions.
But don't hit on my kids ever again.
Hey,is this how we do a bus tour or what? yeah! zoe,I'm patching you through.
and how was it with bobby walsh? Hey,mia,you were all over the internet this morning.
Yeah,I'd be scared to work for you.
you had your date last night-- you know,I just want to say one thing-- uh,I can't talk now.
I'm on a conference call.
Cashmere Mafia Season 1 Episode 02