Catherine the Great (2019) s01e02 Episode Script
Episode 2
1 - [CHURCH BELLS RING.]
- [BIRDSONG.]
ALEXANDER VASILCHIKOV: When I was 12, they gave me this book with the complete history of my family and I I thought [CHUCKLES.]
it was fascinating.
It really was.
Aunties I'd never heard of, and - uncles from down south - I'm sorry, what What are you talking about? Uh, just telling about my parents.
About how kind they were to me and how how wonderful they've always been.
I have to work.
Well, do you? Can't we CATHERINE: I am managing the tail end of a war, in case you hadn't noticed.
[MUSIC PLAYS.]
CATHERINE: Sir Major-General and Gentleman Not of the Bedchamber.
I was just getting to know you, and away you go to make war against the Turks who deserve someone as terrible as you as an opponent.
Have you really been away so long? Have you really been away so long? I can't believe it.
If I'd known the Turkish War would have dragged on for two years, I would have thought twice about sending you away when I'd only just found you.
[INDISTINCT CHATTER.]
[FLIES BUZZING.]
[INDISTINCT CHATTER.]
Check your muskets, men! Make 'em safe.
[HORSES WHINNYING.]
From Her Majesty.
GENERAL RUMIANTSEV: First-class work.
Attacked when you said you would.
[BOTH GRUNT.]
RUMIANTSEV: Excellent.
Lunch? CATHERINE: General Rumiantsev reports great things of your bravery.
You have done everything we asked you to do, risen through the ranks to glory, and the decorations of honor.
For my part, however, I very much wish to preserve those who are zealous, brave, clever and skillful.
This letter is to ask you not to endanger yourself further and return to us.
RUMIANTSEV: She's writing to you under separate cover? Good not to show how pleased you are.
First class work.
[LAUGHTER.]
POTEMKIN: Your Majesty, permit me to offer you my most humble congratulations on the conquest of another Turkish town on the Danube.
[DOG BARKING.]
I can only hope that this major defeat for the Turks will somehow bring this long war to a speedy conclusion.
Letter for Her Majesty.
POTEMKIN: I feel unable to express in words my most humble gratitude to you And yet I must confess, I am proud to kill and risk my own death for the sake of Your Majesty's glory.
The origins of the Turkish War, Your Majesty, were a dispute over territorial incursion, but it it may be something that the Turks had been planning and and was, well, in a sense, uh, an excuse.
The "casus belli" was not actually the "casus," if you see what I mean.
Causes of war really are not as simple as they seem, - are they, Your Majesty? - Forward the whole file to the minister.
Perhaps it is wrong for me to write this to you, for after reading it, you may fear that I I should forget you, or replace you in my affections.
But you're not so easy to forget, my friend.
You lurk in the mind, dangerously.
Come back, dear major general, come back.
EMELYAN PUGACHEV: I am telling you the truth! The emperor, Peter III is alive! His spirit is alive in me! He is back to avenge himself on his bitch wife Catherine.
MAN: Pugachev! - PUGACHEV: I will rule! - MAN: Pugachev! I will rule with my son, Paul who was betrayed by his cow of a mother.
CROWD: Pugachev! Pugachev! PUGACHEV: Who would come between a father and his son? PAUL I: There he is.
The Emperor Peter III.
My father.
You said.
CATHERINE: Weak chin, don't you think? Hm.
So, how do you like your new name? Natalia.
I love it, Your Majesty.
It's Russian.
You should love it.
Sir.
I wanted to ask you something.
CATHERINE: Yes, ask.
I wanted to join the Council.
No.
He would have wanted it.
CATHERINE: He also wanted me in prison.
Or dead.
I am simply asking if I might be allowed to sit on the Council - and do the work my fa - No.
[MUSIC PLAYS.]
CATHERINE: Thank you, Alexei.
Most helpful.
Gentlemen, we have urgent business to discuss [SOMBER MUSIC PLAYS.]
[COUNCILMEN JEERING.]
ALEXEI ORLOV: It is a devastating defeat for the Turks.
They are suing for peace! [COUNCILMEN CHEERING.]
Our armies have pushed south to Kagul and my fleet has wiped out the Sultan's ships in the Mediterranean.
[CHEERING.]
- The sea is - Red with the blood of infidels, apparently.
And it seems Major General Potemkin has distinguished himself.
- [MURMURS OF APPROVAL.]
- MAN: Very good.
Anyway, I have summoned him back to court.
And I thought Prince Orlov might join the peace negotiations in Turkey.
Is this a way of trying to get rid of me completely? Why on earth would Your Excellency think such a thing? I would like a word with Prince Orlov alone.
I accept that we are over, but am I to have no influence at all? Is that your idea? I have great regard for you.
You know that.
This is an opportunity.
Take it.
- It is all over.
- Not yet.
Not yet! COUNTESS BRUCE: So, you asked Potemkin to come back? - CATHERINE: I did.
- [COUNTESS BRUCE CHUCKLES.]
Now you don't know what to do with him.
Correct.
What are you going to do about him? [SIGHS.]
I'm not sure.
I thought I wanted him back, but then I saw him [SIGHS.]
Oh.
I was in love with Orlov, you know.
COUNTESS BRUCE: I know.
I just [SIGHS.]
I don't want to go through all that again.
- No, I I can see that.
- You know, men want power.
They all They like to feel they're they're in control.
- And women? - Well yes, of course.
We want that too.
The difficulty here is that I am in control.
I have the power.
You are the Empress and he can be your devoted servant.
[SCOFFS.]
You think it's as simple as that? I do not.
It's just giving your heart is Is just such a risk.
It lays you open.
Suddenly you're at the mercy of the whole world.
COUNTESS BRUCE: Oh, I wouldn't know about that.
[CHUCKLES.]
[SIGHS.]
Come along.
Ah! Ha-ha.
[CHUCKLES THROUGH TEETH.]
- CATHERINE: Oh! - [COUNTESS BRUCE LAUGHS.]
[REGAL MUSIC PLAYS.]
[INDISTINCT CHATTER.]
Paul.
Natalia.
Why does my son's new wife not bow to me? Is there some prejudice against bowing in Hesse Darmstadt? - Hm? - There may be, Your Majesty.
I'll look into it.
[INDISTINCT.]
She won't let me join the Council.
Are you listening? Why are you staring at Count Razumovsky? Was I staring at Count Razumovsky? Don't think I was.
I was listening to you, darling.
I always listen.
You are a very interesting man.
- [CHUCKLES.]
- [REGAL MUSIC BEGINS.]
[LANDGRAVE'S WIFE SINGS OPERA.]
- [INAUDIBLE.]
- POTEMKIN: Why write to me if she doesn't want me? Hm? It's a game.
- That's all it is.
- [POTEMKIN SIGHS.]
Play it.
[CATHERINE CHUCKLES.]
[NATALIA GIGGLES.]
Does my son's wife want everyone to know that she's fucking his best friend? You don't need to answer that question.
Is not she wonderful? CATHERINE: She's absolutely wonderful.
Is she a baritone? [POTEMKIN CHUCKLING.]
This way you can look at her when you come.
- Oh, fuck her.
- [CHUCKLES.]
That is so obviously what you want to do, darling.
- She's frightened.
- Of what? Of what she feels for you.
You think? Who's that fucking boy up there next to her, that rat? Who's he? - It'll all be over soon.
- [BREATHING HEAVILY.]
- [SINGER REACHES CRESCENDO.]
- I wasn't talking about [GROANS.]
[APPLAUSE.]
[HORSES TROTTING.]
COUNTESS BRUCE: What in God's name do you think you're doing? POTEMKIN: I'm leaving.
I can't I won't stand for this anymore.
COUNTESS BRUCE: But you've only been back about a week.
Do you want to end up like me and all these loyal citizens? Where do you think you're going? To God! The monastery! I shall be a monk.
Oh, don't be ridiculous.
Who's being ridiculous? COUNTESS BRUCE: She is in love with you, my friend.
What makes you say that? I shall tell you why.
I have never seen two people more in love.
She's got a funny way of showing it.
Patting the cheek of that ludicrous boy! I may be in love but I'm not What? I'm not happy.
[SOBS.]
I'm not happy at all.
[SIGHS.]
[INDISTINCT CHATTER.]
MAN: He's here! PUGACHEV: Brothers and sisters, children of Russia, I greet you in love and friendship.
I am your lost emperor, Peter III.
This sword was given to me by Peter the Great.
I am sent by God to raise you up from the dust to feed you and clothe you, and give you a way of escaping the slavery in which you've been held by the bitch Catherine! CROWD: [CHANTING.]
Pugachev! Pugachev! Russia belongs to us all! Oh.
I'm planning a dinner for the new French ambassador.
What do you think: Russian food or French? Why not both? Yes, that's a good idea.
So, to what do we owe the honor of this visit? COUNTESS BRUCE: Potemkin.
CATHERINE: Yes? What of him? He's leaving.
Leaving? Leaving who? Leaving what? Leaving court.
And leaving you, since you are the court.
Well, why are you telling me this? Why are you pleading his cause? Why am I saying what I'm saying? I like love.
I like watching it develop in other people; I've never known it myself.
But you I think you have a great capacity for love of the violent and unpredictable kind.
It will shake you.
But I am your friend, and I can see you feel for him things No, no, no.
You You'd better go.
I'm I I'm terribly busy.
And your friend, Potemkin, might be missing you.
He is no longer my friend in that capacity.
[VIOLINS PLAY.]
[HORSE NEIGHS.]
[INDISTINCT CHATTER.]
Natalia.
Count Razumovsky.
I want to speak with you, now.
If you want to stay married to that insolent girl, you'll probably have to lock her up.
[NATALIA GIGGLES.]
You have no idea, do you? Even when it's right in front of your nose.
[HORSE WHINNIES.]
Well, I see someone else has got your attention.
I do not know how you have the nerve to lecture me about my love life when When you ogle that oaf! I see the way you look at him.
Oh, is it love? Is that what this is? At your age? Love should wait upon judgement, Mother.
But oh, no, not you.
- You're like a fly to honey.
- Go! [NATALIA GIGGLING.]
[BELL RINGING.]
- You're leaving? - Yes, well, I've - thought about it, but - Something detained you? Well, yes.
You Your Majesty.
I I have neglected you since your return.
Oh, you've had other things to occupy you.
New friends.
I choose friends as I need them.
And discard them when they are no longer useful, it seems.
[SCOFFS.]
You're being impertinent.
POTEMKIN: I am being honest.
They can look similar.
There is no real love without absolute honesty.
Do people lie to you, Your Majesty? 'Cause of your position.
All the time, I'm afraid.
What do you want from me? Nothing.
I want this now standing next to you.
That's enough.
So, money and titles? I will take as much as I can get my hands on, but I will not be given things.
- You want - I want what any man wants.
- To make his own way.
- Yes, I can see that.
And to find love, if possible.
You did some very brave things against the Turks.
And I was very grateful to Your Majesty for the opportunity to kill as many of the little buggers as possible.
[CATHERINE CHUCKLES.]
[BOTH CHUCKLE.]
Come to my private apartments any time you want.
Come by the private staircase.
Oh, but shout as you come up in case I'm in the bath.
[CHUCKLES.]
Are Potemkin and m my m mother Anything is possible with her.
She never lets me anywhere near power.
I know how you feel, Your Excellency.
This, um, Pugachev What about him? They say he wants to put me on the throne.
I do not imagine Your Excellency would want to owe your power - to an illiterate peasant.
- No.
No, no.
He obviously has more taste than my mother in certain matters.
[MUSIC PLAYS.]
Major General Potemkin is on his way up to see her even as we speak.
I heard them yesterday making an assignation.
- Well, I - Get up those stairs now! If you want any kind of career at court.
I don't think she wants me there, Minister She doesn't know what she wants.
- I want this to go to my mother - Get up there now! CATHERINE: And this is for King Gustav of Sweden.
Ah, Minister Panin.
I think we need a Council meeting regarding this business in Samara, this, um - Pugachev, Your Majesty.
- Pugachev.
Why do I keep forgetting his name? Is that significant? Or is it just a sign of his own insignificance? [CHUCKLES.]
That might have something to do with it, Your Majesty.
Um There's always something in the countryside.
I'm sure it's nothing to worry about.
Wherever there are Russians there is something to worry about.
It's not surprising that our serfs are in rebellion the way we treat them.
If only the landowners had listened to me.
Oh, and you need to speak with my son.
Do you know, he He behaved abominably to me yesterday.
Your Majesty.
Uh, I must And I need to be briefed on those Turkish negotiations.
I hear Count Orlov is making a fool of himself again.
I must be kept informed.
Do you understand? PANIN: The papers are on their way, Your Majesty.
I have advised my office.
Uh, may I remind you that, um you need Have you seen Major General Potemkin? I asked him to come to see me and I'm sure he's on his way, Your Majesty.
Oh, you're up to something.
Oh, yes, I can see it in your eyes.
Did we arrange for you to come today? I I thought we did, Your Majesty.
No, no.
No, no.
Get your clothes on now.
I have to work.
[POTEMKIN HUMMING.]
Your Excellency.
How wonderful to see you.
Uh, Your Excellency, I think Her Majesty Say something.
What would you like me to say, Your Majesty? Something intelligent.
I think this has gone far enough.
Minister Panin - Your Excellency.
- Good day.
[POTEMKIN CONTINUES HUMMING.]
Um [POTEMKIN HUMMING.]
Please continue, Lieutenant.
You were going down and I was going up.
VASILCHIKOV: Thank you, Major General.
[POTEMKIN CONTINUES HUMMING.]
POTEMKIN: [SINGING.]
Oh, sweet lady Love me as I love you [CONTINUES SINGING IN DISTANCE.]
It's love that makes us new You will go down to the green garden And weave your garlands there Take me to - [CATHERINE CHUCKLES.]
- Sorry, Your Majesty, I Am I disturbing you? No, no.
Not at all, not at all.
No.
Nothing interesting was happening.
Please, continue singing.
I like it.
More than I can say.
POTEMKIN: [SINGING.]
Go down to the sweet Um You could sing in here if you like.
If that is what Your Majesty desires, then that is what I shall do.
Go down, go down To the swift river And throw your flowers in Take me to I want to talk to you about the women you've been involved with.
Well, I shall do my best, Your Majesty, though I may have to consult my notes.
CATHERINE: [LAUGHS.]
I'm sure there have been a great many.
You are a very attractive man.
Uh, when I was 12 and a half - in a barn outside Smolensk - [LAUGHS.]
All right.
I think I'll go first.
[POTEMKIN LAUGHS.]
A very good idea, I think, Your Majesty.
My husband, Peter, was one of the most unpleasant men I've ever met in my life.
So, you may discount him.
Yes, I never thought much of him, Your Majesty.
You couldn't really say we had a sex life.
Do you know, he had a condition of the foreskin whereby for a very long time it was impossible for him to get an erection.
I never knew that, Your Majesty.
Well.
No need to go into any further details about Peter III.
[BOTH LAUGH.]
Oh, he was He could be so frightening.
He was violent.
He was drunk.
He was like an angry child.
I was terrified of him.
Other men? I mean - I heard - Yes? - What did you hear? - Fifteen.
[LAUGHS.]
POTEMKIN: What? [LAUGHING.]
No.
No.
Oh, what lies they tell about women in power.
So.
Not that many.
Five.
There was one when I was living under the empress, Elizabeth.
Still married to that pig, Peter.
The only significant one, really, is Orlov, unless you count the King of Poland.
I am jealous of Orlov.
- You shouldn't be.
- [POTEMKIN GRUNTS.]
Although I was in love with him.
He wanted to marry me.
Well, of course he did; he wanted the power.
I will not share my throne with anyone.
[CLOCK CHIMES.]
Grigory resented the power.
The power I seem to have.
Oh, the power you have.
[CATHERINE CHUCKLES.]
He has no idea how difficult it is to maintain such a thing.
How many the dangers.
How varied the directions from which they emerge.
I'm not interested in debauchery.
I'm interested in love.
And honesty.
And that is all that interests me.
I need love.
[GROANS.]
I have an obsessive need for it.
I will confess that.
So if you want to be with me, you have to love me always.
And always tell me the truth.
At 15, there was a girl in a field outside of Smolensk.
- [POTEMKIN LAUGHS.]
- [LAUGHS.]
No, no, no! Enough! Enough with these confessions! - I got you, though.
I got you.
- No! [CHUCKLES.]
- I did.
I got you.
- Listen, I find my private bath house is is a wondrous place to relax.
I'm going to tell them that you are to be allowed access whenever you wish.
Very generous of Your Majesty, though I make no promises about any debauchery that might occur.
[LAUGHS.]
Fields, barns, Smolensk, Minsk Your record in this area is very troubling.
Oh, it is so reassuring to have you back at Court.
So - When I was 16 and a half - [CATHERINE LAUGHS HEARTILY.]
[BOTH LAUGH.]
CATHERINE: Well What do you want to do now? - Mm? - Well, - I was thinking that I might - Mm? [CATHERINE MOANS.]
quit while I'm ahead.
[SCOFFS.]
[FOOTSTEPS FADING.]
[CATHERINE SIGHS.]
PUGACHEV: The only ones who have reason to be frightened are the pigs who steal your land [CROWD SHOUTING.]
and beat you like dogs.
[CROWD CLAMORING.]
[TENSE MUSIC PLAYS.]
This is your governor! [LAUGHTER.]
- And his wife! - [LAUGHTER.]
Lady Anna Vassilaevna! No, please! [CROWD JEERING AND SHOUTING.]
PUGACHEV: Because of these pigs there are still slaves in Russia.
Do you wanna be slaves? CROWD: No! LADY ANNA VASSILAEVNA: [SCREAMS.]
No! [CROWD CHEERING AND LAUGHING.]
LADY ANNA: No! - [CROWD JEERING.]
- No! Don't you think she looks like Catherine? - No! Please! - Maybe she is Catherine.
Look at those eyes.
[LADY ANNA SOBBING.]
- She wants to fuck everything she sees.
- No, please.
Including my horses! [CROWD LAUGHING AND CLAMORING.]
[LADY ANNA SCREAMS.]
[CROWD CHEERING.]
- Kill the child! - [SCREAMS.]
No! [LADY ANNA WHIMPERS.]
[CROWD ROARS.]
ALEXEI: I thought you might like a tour of the barracks because I know how passionate Your Excellency is about soldiering.
[DRILL SERGEANT SHOUTING ORDERS.]
DRILL SERGEANT: Do you understand? SOLDIERS: Yes, sir! You heard the officer! On the double on command! ALEXEI: What's remarkable about the Preobrazhensky guard is that we take peasants and we turn them into soldiers, for your mother's wars.
And why is it the peasants dream of my father returning to save them? Because Russia must be ruled by a man, Your Excellency.
I don't know how impressed the Turks are with our peasants, but I can tell you this: they terrify me.
[PAUL I CHUCKLES.]
What do you make of this Pugachev business? I think it may be more serious than she believes.
She's taken her eye off the ball.
She only has eyes for Her Majesty needs to pay attention to the Preobrazhensky.
They put her in power, and they can take it away again.
Oh, I'm sure she's very aware of any threat they may pose.
She doesn't miss much, sir.
And may I say, Your Excellency, now that my brother is hardly in Court anymore, how sorry I was about your father.
I was very much a junior partner in that business.
I'm sure you understand.
Oh I understand all about being excluded from power, Count Orlov.
[HORSES WHINNYING.]
She's putting Potemkin on the Council, I hear.
Meteoric rise.
POTEMKIN: Who's there? I'm here by permission of our Empress.
CATHERINE: I also.
POTEMKIN: I'm stark naked, Your Majesty.
CATHERINE: As am I.
Under my clothes.
Drape yourself in something and come out here; I need your advice.
POTEMKIN: Attempting to cover my equipment is a colossal task.
[CATHERINE LAUGHS.]
GRIGORY: What time did he go in? An hour ago.
- And her? - Fifteen minutes.
He's been hard at work while I've been down south.
Let's see how much time they devote to fucking.
It has important political implications.
And this man, Pugachev, in the Lower Volga, what do you think? Well, I don't know what to think yet.
I came across him down south.
CATHERINE: Yes? Yes, he, uh, I heard he'd fled from the army.
He's not from the Volga; a Don Cossack, and Old Believer.
Is he sane? Well, there are those that say running away from the Russian army is a positive sign of sanity.
[LAUGHS.]
[POTEMKIN SIGHS.]
Do I think that this Pugachev business is serious? Yes, I do.
CATHERINE: Hmm.
You see, I didn't think it was that serious but I I think maybe it is? The peasants could listen to him.
They always think they need to be ruled by a man, poor lost souls.
"Slavery does not have to be a Russian institution.
" Some woman said that.
[POTEMKIN CHUCKLES.]
And yet it does.
However much we wish that not to be true.
CATHERINE: Oh You know you really are a very attractive man.
I can't tell you how pleasant it is to have someone to talk to.
POTEMKIN: Mm.
Well, yes.
Well, then tell me Lieutenant Vasilchikov No, no.
I I'm gonna get rid of him.
Oh yes.
I've offered him 60,000 rubles and quite a nice palace.
Panin is making all the arrangements.
You see if we were to be lovers, it would - it would have to be - For all time.
Are you proposing? Well, how would one go about proposing such a thing, Your Majesty? That's an impossible idea I'm afraid.
[SIGHS.]
Here I was, thinking we were gonna make love, and we end up talking politics.
And that's why I like you so much.
[CATHERINE CHUCKLES.]
[SWORD CLANGS.]
Oh.
[LAUGHS.]
What the fuck are you two doing out here? GRIGORY: Timing you.
It takes more than ten minutes to satisfy her.
Ah.
And I suppose your little brother's out here with his hand on his cock hoping to watch somebody having sex.
Probably the closest thing he gets to it.
A little like his hands-off approach to naval warfare.
You won't last with her or anyone else, Potemkin.
You are a vulgar little counter jumper and your days are numbered.
Fancy trying for the other eye, do you, Alexei? - We're not listening to this.
- Huh? You gonna join your brother and fuck off from court too, are you? I don't know how you can stay.
I mean, where's your self-respect? I will never allow the country I love to be governed by a disgusting little upstart like you.
This little disgusting upstart has been away at war.
I dunno what you were doing but I've been cutting my way through Turkish hordes.
Given the opportunity, I will do the same to you.
GRIGORY: What do you want, Potemkin? I don't think it's got through your thick skull, has it? I'm not here to use the woman or squeeze her to make money out of her.
No, hey? I don't want to use her as a stepping stone to my brilliant fucking career, am I? I love the woman, huh? Come on, I love her! In the way a man should love a woman.
You want a bit of this? Huh? Come on, bend the fuck over! - GRIGORY: You're mad! - [POTEMKIN CONTINUES SHOUTING.]
- [POTEMKIN LAUGHING.]
- GRIGORY: Potemkin! Insane! POTEMKIN: Yes! [POTEMKIN YELLS MANIACALLY.]
[INDISTINCT CHATTER.]
[DOOR OPENS.]
So, Grigory Orlov has finally left court.
I wonder why.
I showed him my penis, Your Majesty.
[LAUGHS.]
It seems Monsieur Pugachev is moving towards Moscow.
He's taken Kazan.
Destroyed General Kar.
This is serious, Grishenka.
Of course, Panin and the rest of them think that we are too preoccupied with each other.
They say we're having an affair.
Well, aren't we? [SCOFFS.]
Not that I noticed.
[CHUCKLES.]
Oh.
Not yet, anyway.
PANIN: We did send a small force, - Your Majesty, and - CATHERINE: I know, I know.
They were cut down.
Any loss of a Russian soldier's life is like losing a part of myself.
Now we need someone of proven experience.
Major General Potemkin, your opinion.
Your Majesty, if Pugachev is indeed marching on Moscow, then we need to mobilize now.
Agreed.
A large force, but who should lead it? I don't think this is a job for the Navy, Count Orlov.
Unless of course you mean to navigate your way to Kazan.
It is possible, Your Majesty, - that, um - There is someone at this table who has fought hand to hand with the Turks, and brought home astonishing victories.
Major General Potemkin.
If it is thought I am the man to succeed, Your Majesty, then I am more than happy to settle this deluded traitor once and for all.
An excellent notion, Your Majesty.
Good.
Then it is agreed.
Potemkin will take command of the army.
Let us put it into motion.
POTEMKIN: Well, it seems I must go, and you must stay.
CATHERINE: Stay alive.
That's all I ask.
And when I come back If I come back [DRILL SERGEANT SHOUTING ORDERS INDISTINCTLY.]
CATHERINE: You will come back.
You will and you must.
[FOOTSTEPS FADING.]
Lieutenant Potemkin.
I think you'll find I have been promoted, Your Excellency, - some time ago.
- PAUL I: I know people like you.
You crawl to my mother and think you will get money I crawl to no one.
I serve my country.
Need I remind you? Whose dog are you if it comes to that? You cannot speak to me like that.
I just did.
And now, sir I have a war to win.
You'd look wonderful in uniform, sir.
[TENSE MUSIC PLAYS.]
Oh, war, war, war, war! [DRILL SERGEANT BARKS ORDERS.]
All I want to do is talk about sex.
[CHUCKLES.]
Or gardening.
COUNTESS BRUCE: You want to talk about Potemkin, don't you? - CATHERINE: Yes.
- [COUNTESS BRUCE CHUCKLES.]
CATHERINE: Yes, I do, I do! PAUL I: Right wheel forward! PAUL I: Right wheel forward! CATHERINE: That's just like my husband.
- PAUL I: Left, right! - You know, Peter used to drill little toy soldiers for hours on end, dressed in full Holstein uniform.
CATHERINE: And we have to find Alexei Orlov a job or he's gonna cause trouble.
Always keep the awkward ones busy.
- [PAUL I SHOUTING ORDERS.]
- And then get rid of them if they actually fuck it up.
- [PAUL I SHOUTING ORDERS.]
- Minister of War? [SOLDIERS MARCHING.]
Well, there's an idea.
PAUL I: My father was the father of his people.
And one day I will fulfill the duties and responsibilities of that role.
I will lead a disciplined army of soldiers to make his dream for this great country come true.
Discipline, gentlemen.
Martial, masculine discipline.
Present arms! [SOLDIERS STOMP.]
- About face! - [SOLDIERS MANEUVER.]
[SOLDIERS BEGIN MARCHING.]
Are you planning your own little coup? Is that what this is all about? Well you won't succeed, young man.
The army is loyal to me, and the peasants will do as they are told.
I'm sorry, but that's the truth.
The mass of the people always obey orders.
It would be a terrible mistake to go against me.
Because I know more about politics than you will ever know.
I survive, as I have survived for half a century in a world that does not want me.
[CLOCK CHIMING.]
You would not last two minutes as the ruler of Russia.
And all your drilling with your little toy soldiers will get you nowhere at all.
You see, power power is a balancing act.
You have to learn how to walk the line.
You always spoke of reform when you first began to rule.
Yes, well, I had all sorts of ideas when I was younger, and I still believe in justice for all.
But I would remind you always to remember from where your power [SCOFFS.]
if you were ever to have any, which I doubt [CHUCKLES.]
- will derive.
- All I'm saying is [CHUCKLES.]
This is my country.
You stupid boy.
You look to your wife.
- You get me an heir.
- You lied to me.
About my father.
And you lied to the country.
You promise them one thing then give them another.
I want my father to be alive.
I want him here beside me.
Is that a crime? Look, I I understand.
Look, I know you're going to rule one day, probably.
And And I do want to hear your your political ideas.
Um, why don't you write something? Um, something about, oh, I don't know, the the peasants' unrest and send it to me I will read it.
I will.
I promise.
Agreed? [TENSE MUSIC PLAYS.]
[SOLDIERS TALKING AND LAUGHING.]
POTEMKIN: Yes, you.
Go fuck yourself, you one-eyed cunt.
[GROANS.]
POTEMKIN: Stand him up! [PUGACHEV PANTING.]
[GRUNTS.]
You think you're fucking invisible? Potemkin has finished him off.
Ha-ha! He's riding back to St.
Petersburg with Pugachev in a cage like the wild beast that he is.
Major General Potemkin deserves our thanks, Your Majesty.
I'm not usually in favor of triumphal marches; it smacks too much of the last days of the Roman Empire, but I think I will ride out to meet him.
Is that wise, Your Majesty? Why would it not be, Minister? You could be in danger, Your Majesty.
Is the countryside entirely pacified? How would you know, Minister? You hardly ever go there.
Make the arrangements.
I will ride out at the head of the Preobrazhensky Guard.
PANIN: I I do feel that this is dangerous, Your Majesty.
They need to see me.
Minister.
[GASPS.]
Oh, I do have one piece of advice, however, I would like from you.
I want it to be thoroughly researched and I would like comprehensive answers in the best traditions of the Russian Civil Service.
What am I going to wear? [SQUEALS.]
What am I going to wear? - [CROWD YELLING.]
- PEASANT: Pugachev! PUGACHEV: God sees all your suffering, my children.
He sees everything.
Through my eyes, he sees! Through my eyes.
[YELLING CONTINUES.]
The whore, Catherine will try and fuck my corpse! We congratulate you on your service.
- POTEMKIN: Your Majesty.
- SOLDIER: Move back! - PEASANT: Pugachev! - SOLDIER: Move! MAN 1: Catherine.
- MAN: Your Majesty.
- MAN 1: Catherine.
MAN 2: Mother of all Russia.
We are not worthy.
MAN 3: We bow before you, Your Majesty.
MAN 4: Bless us, Your Majesty.
MAN 5: We bow before you, Your Majesty.
CROWD: [CHANTING.]
Catherine, Catherine, Catherine.
CROWD: [CHANTING.]
Catherine, Catherine, Catherine.
Catherine, Catherine, Catherine [CHANTING CONTINUES.]
- [INDISTINCT CHATTER.]
- [CHANTING CONTINUES.]
[PUGACHEV MUTTERING.]
Whore! [CROWD CLAMORING.]
CATHERINE: They want a public execution.
I've told the hangman he is not to be disemboweled.
Why do they think cruelty can wipe out the memory of cruelty? POTEMKIN: Hmm.
What you need, Major General Potemkin, is a bath.
Mm.
Do I? Mm.
Not unpleasantly.
I do not dislike the smell of fresh sweat on a man.
[MOANS.]
My bath house in ten minutes? [FOOTSTEPS FADING.]
CATHERINE: Come and join me.
But lock the door.
People are inquisitive in this palace.
And I am the most inquisitive of all of them.
[CHUCKLES.]
Please, join me.
No need to wear a towel.
It's wonderfully hot in here.
No, I want to see if everything they say about you is true.
POTEMKIN: I will apologize in advance for any deficiencies - I might have.
- [CATHERINE CHUCKLES.]
[KISSING, BREATHING HEAVILY.]
I want you not because of what you can give me or who you are.
Oh, I want you.
I want you.
I want you because I love you.
And that will never change.
- Was that a proposal? - [CATHERINE MOANS.]
- Are you proposing? - [LAUGHS.]
No! - POTEMKIN: It is! - [CATHERINE LAUGHS.]
POTEMKIN: It sounds like a proposal.
- [BIRDSONG.]
ALEXANDER VASILCHIKOV: When I was 12, they gave me this book with the complete history of my family and I I thought [CHUCKLES.]
it was fascinating.
It really was.
Aunties I'd never heard of, and - uncles from down south - I'm sorry, what What are you talking about? Uh, just telling about my parents.
About how kind they were to me and how how wonderful they've always been.
I have to work.
Well, do you? Can't we CATHERINE: I am managing the tail end of a war, in case you hadn't noticed.
[MUSIC PLAYS.]
CATHERINE: Sir Major-General and Gentleman Not of the Bedchamber.
I was just getting to know you, and away you go to make war against the Turks who deserve someone as terrible as you as an opponent.
Have you really been away so long? Have you really been away so long? I can't believe it.
If I'd known the Turkish War would have dragged on for two years, I would have thought twice about sending you away when I'd only just found you.
[INDISTINCT CHATTER.]
[FLIES BUZZING.]
[INDISTINCT CHATTER.]
Check your muskets, men! Make 'em safe.
[HORSES WHINNYING.]
From Her Majesty.
GENERAL RUMIANTSEV: First-class work.
Attacked when you said you would.
[BOTH GRUNT.]
RUMIANTSEV: Excellent.
Lunch? CATHERINE: General Rumiantsev reports great things of your bravery.
You have done everything we asked you to do, risen through the ranks to glory, and the decorations of honor.
For my part, however, I very much wish to preserve those who are zealous, brave, clever and skillful.
This letter is to ask you not to endanger yourself further and return to us.
RUMIANTSEV: She's writing to you under separate cover? Good not to show how pleased you are.
First class work.
[LAUGHTER.]
POTEMKIN: Your Majesty, permit me to offer you my most humble congratulations on the conquest of another Turkish town on the Danube.
[DOG BARKING.]
I can only hope that this major defeat for the Turks will somehow bring this long war to a speedy conclusion.
Letter for Her Majesty.
POTEMKIN: I feel unable to express in words my most humble gratitude to you And yet I must confess, I am proud to kill and risk my own death for the sake of Your Majesty's glory.
The origins of the Turkish War, Your Majesty, were a dispute over territorial incursion, but it it may be something that the Turks had been planning and and was, well, in a sense, uh, an excuse.
The "casus belli" was not actually the "casus," if you see what I mean.
Causes of war really are not as simple as they seem, - are they, Your Majesty? - Forward the whole file to the minister.
Perhaps it is wrong for me to write this to you, for after reading it, you may fear that I I should forget you, or replace you in my affections.
But you're not so easy to forget, my friend.
You lurk in the mind, dangerously.
Come back, dear major general, come back.
EMELYAN PUGACHEV: I am telling you the truth! The emperor, Peter III is alive! His spirit is alive in me! He is back to avenge himself on his bitch wife Catherine.
MAN: Pugachev! - PUGACHEV: I will rule! - MAN: Pugachev! I will rule with my son, Paul who was betrayed by his cow of a mother.
CROWD: Pugachev! Pugachev! PUGACHEV: Who would come between a father and his son? PAUL I: There he is.
The Emperor Peter III.
My father.
You said.
CATHERINE: Weak chin, don't you think? Hm.
So, how do you like your new name? Natalia.
I love it, Your Majesty.
It's Russian.
You should love it.
Sir.
I wanted to ask you something.
CATHERINE: Yes, ask.
I wanted to join the Council.
No.
He would have wanted it.
CATHERINE: He also wanted me in prison.
Or dead.
I am simply asking if I might be allowed to sit on the Council - and do the work my fa - No.
[MUSIC PLAYS.]
CATHERINE: Thank you, Alexei.
Most helpful.
Gentlemen, we have urgent business to discuss [SOMBER MUSIC PLAYS.]
[COUNCILMEN JEERING.]
ALEXEI ORLOV: It is a devastating defeat for the Turks.
They are suing for peace! [COUNCILMEN CHEERING.]
Our armies have pushed south to Kagul and my fleet has wiped out the Sultan's ships in the Mediterranean.
[CHEERING.]
- The sea is - Red with the blood of infidels, apparently.
And it seems Major General Potemkin has distinguished himself.
- [MURMURS OF APPROVAL.]
- MAN: Very good.
Anyway, I have summoned him back to court.
And I thought Prince Orlov might join the peace negotiations in Turkey.
Is this a way of trying to get rid of me completely? Why on earth would Your Excellency think such a thing? I would like a word with Prince Orlov alone.
I accept that we are over, but am I to have no influence at all? Is that your idea? I have great regard for you.
You know that.
This is an opportunity.
Take it.
- It is all over.
- Not yet.
Not yet! COUNTESS BRUCE: So, you asked Potemkin to come back? - CATHERINE: I did.
- [COUNTESS BRUCE CHUCKLES.]
Now you don't know what to do with him.
Correct.
What are you going to do about him? [SIGHS.]
I'm not sure.
I thought I wanted him back, but then I saw him [SIGHS.]
Oh.
I was in love with Orlov, you know.
COUNTESS BRUCE: I know.
I just [SIGHS.]
I don't want to go through all that again.
- No, I I can see that.
- You know, men want power.
They all They like to feel they're they're in control.
- And women? - Well yes, of course.
We want that too.
The difficulty here is that I am in control.
I have the power.
You are the Empress and he can be your devoted servant.
[SCOFFS.]
You think it's as simple as that? I do not.
It's just giving your heart is Is just such a risk.
It lays you open.
Suddenly you're at the mercy of the whole world.
COUNTESS BRUCE: Oh, I wouldn't know about that.
[CHUCKLES.]
[SIGHS.]
Come along.
Ah! Ha-ha.
[CHUCKLES THROUGH TEETH.]
- CATHERINE: Oh! - [COUNTESS BRUCE LAUGHS.]
[REGAL MUSIC PLAYS.]
[INDISTINCT CHATTER.]
Paul.
Natalia.
Why does my son's new wife not bow to me? Is there some prejudice against bowing in Hesse Darmstadt? - Hm? - There may be, Your Majesty.
I'll look into it.
[INDISTINCT.]
She won't let me join the Council.
Are you listening? Why are you staring at Count Razumovsky? Was I staring at Count Razumovsky? Don't think I was.
I was listening to you, darling.
I always listen.
You are a very interesting man.
- [CHUCKLES.]
- [REGAL MUSIC BEGINS.]
[LANDGRAVE'S WIFE SINGS OPERA.]
- [INAUDIBLE.]
- POTEMKIN: Why write to me if she doesn't want me? Hm? It's a game.
- That's all it is.
- [POTEMKIN SIGHS.]
Play it.
[CATHERINE CHUCKLES.]
[NATALIA GIGGLES.]
Does my son's wife want everyone to know that she's fucking his best friend? You don't need to answer that question.
Is not she wonderful? CATHERINE: She's absolutely wonderful.
Is she a baritone? [POTEMKIN CHUCKLING.]
This way you can look at her when you come.
- Oh, fuck her.
- [CHUCKLES.]
That is so obviously what you want to do, darling.
- She's frightened.
- Of what? Of what she feels for you.
You think? Who's that fucking boy up there next to her, that rat? Who's he? - It'll all be over soon.
- [BREATHING HEAVILY.]
- [SINGER REACHES CRESCENDO.]
- I wasn't talking about [GROANS.]
[APPLAUSE.]
[HORSES TROTTING.]
COUNTESS BRUCE: What in God's name do you think you're doing? POTEMKIN: I'm leaving.
I can't I won't stand for this anymore.
COUNTESS BRUCE: But you've only been back about a week.
Do you want to end up like me and all these loyal citizens? Where do you think you're going? To God! The monastery! I shall be a monk.
Oh, don't be ridiculous.
Who's being ridiculous? COUNTESS BRUCE: She is in love with you, my friend.
What makes you say that? I shall tell you why.
I have never seen two people more in love.
She's got a funny way of showing it.
Patting the cheek of that ludicrous boy! I may be in love but I'm not What? I'm not happy.
[SOBS.]
I'm not happy at all.
[SIGHS.]
[INDISTINCT CHATTER.]
MAN: He's here! PUGACHEV: Brothers and sisters, children of Russia, I greet you in love and friendship.
I am your lost emperor, Peter III.
This sword was given to me by Peter the Great.
I am sent by God to raise you up from the dust to feed you and clothe you, and give you a way of escaping the slavery in which you've been held by the bitch Catherine! CROWD: [CHANTING.]
Pugachev! Pugachev! Russia belongs to us all! Oh.
I'm planning a dinner for the new French ambassador.
What do you think: Russian food or French? Why not both? Yes, that's a good idea.
So, to what do we owe the honor of this visit? COUNTESS BRUCE: Potemkin.
CATHERINE: Yes? What of him? He's leaving.
Leaving? Leaving who? Leaving what? Leaving court.
And leaving you, since you are the court.
Well, why are you telling me this? Why are you pleading his cause? Why am I saying what I'm saying? I like love.
I like watching it develop in other people; I've never known it myself.
But you I think you have a great capacity for love of the violent and unpredictable kind.
It will shake you.
But I am your friend, and I can see you feel for him things No, no, no.
You You'd better go.
I'm I I'm terribly busy.
And your friend, Potemkin, might be missing you.
He is no longer my friend in that capacity.
[VIOLINS PLAY.]
[HORSE NEIGHS.]
[INDISTINCT CHATTER.]
Natalia.
Count Razumovsky.
I want to speak with you, now.
If you want to stay married to that insolent girl, you'll probably have to lock her up.
[NATALIA GIGGLES.]
You have no idea, do you? Even when it's right in front of your nose.
[HORSE WHINNIES.]
Well, I see someone else has got your attention.
I do not know how you have the nerve to lecture me about my love life when When you ogle that oaf! I see the way you look at him.
Oh, is it love? Is that what this is? At your age? Love should wait upon judgement, Mother.
But oh, no, not you.
- You're like a fly to honey.
- Go! [NATALIA GIGGLING.]
[BELL RINGING.]
- You're leaving? - Yes, well, I've - thought about it, but - Something detained you? Well, yes.
You Your Majesty.
I I have neglected you since your return.
Oh, you've had other things to occupy you.
New friends.
I choose friends as I need them.
And discard them when they are no longer useful, it seems.
[SCOFFS.]
You're being impertinent.
POTEMKIN: I am being honest.
They can look similar.
There is no real love without absolute honesty.
Do people lie to you, Your Majesty? 'Cause of your position.
All the time, I'm afraid.
What do you want from me? Nothing.
I want this now standing next to you.
That's enough.
So, money and titles? I will take as much as I can get my hands on, but I will not be given things.
- You want - I want what any man wants.
- To make his own way.
- Yes, I can see that.
And to find love, if possible.
You did some very brave things against the Turks.
And I was very grateful to Your Majesty for the opportunity to kill as many of the little buggers as possible.
[CATHERINE CHUCKLES.]
[BOTH CHUCKLE.]
Come to my private apartments any time you want.
Come by the private staircase.
Oh, but shout as you come up in case I'm in the bath.
[CHUCKLES.]
Are Potemkin and m my m mother Anything is possible with her.
She never lets me anywhere near power.
I know how you feel, Your Excellency.
This, um, Pugachev What about him? They say he wants to put me on the throne.
I do not imagine Your Excellency would want to owe your power - to an illiterate peasant.
- No.
No, no.
He obviously has more taste than my mother in certain matters.
[MUSIC PLAYS.]
Major General Potemkin is on his way up to see her even as we speak.
I heard them yesterday making an assignation.
- Well, I - Get up those stairs now! If you want any kind of career at court.
I don't think she wants me there, Minister She doesn't know what she wants.
- I want this to go to my mother - Get up there now! CATHERINE: And this is for King Gustav of Sweden.
Ah, Minister Panin.
I think we need a Council meeting regarding this business in Samara, this, um - Pugachev, Your Majesty.
- Pugachev.
Why do I keep forgetting his name? Is that significant? Or is it just a sign of his own insignificance? [CHUCKLES.]
That might have something to do with it, Your Majesty.
Um There's always something in the countryside.
I'm sure it's nothing to worry about.
Wherever there are Russians there is something to worry about.
It's not surprising that our serfs are in rebellion the way we treat them.
If only the landowners had listened to me.
Oh, and you need to speak with my son.
Do you know, he He behaved abominably to me yesterday.
Your Majesty.
Uh, I must And I need to be briefed on those Turkish negotiations.
I hear Count Orlov is making a fool of himself again.
I must be kept informed.
Do you understand? PANIN: The papers are on their way, Your Majesty.
I have advised my office.
Uh, may I remind you that, um you need Have you seen Major General Potemkin? I asked him to come to see me and I'm sure he's on his way, Your Majesty.
Oh, you're up to something.
Oh, yes, I can see it in your eyes.
Did we arrange for you to come today? I I thought we did, Your Majesty.
No, no.
No, no.
Get your clothes on now.
I have to work.
[POTEMKIN HUMMING.]
Your Excellency.
How wonderful to see you.
Uh, Your Excellency, I think Her Majesty Say something.
What would you like me to say, Your Majesty? Something intelligent.
I think this has gone far enough.
Minister Panin - Your Excellency.
- Good day.
[POTEMKIN CONTINUES HUMMING.]
Um [POTEMKIN HUMMING.]
Please continue, Lieutenant.
You were going down and I was going up.
VASILCHIKOV: Thank you, Major General.
[POTEMKIN CONTINUES HUMMING.]
POTEMKIN: [SINGING.]
Oh, sweet lady Love me as I love you [CONTINUES SINGING IN DISTANCE.]
It's love that makes us new You will go down to the green garden And weave your garlands there Take me to - [CATHERINE CHUCKLES.]
- Sorry, Your Majesty, I Am I disturbing you? No, no.
Not at all, not at all.
No.
Nothing interesting was happening.
Please, continue singing.
I like it.
More than I can say.
POTEMKIN: [SINGING.]
Go down to the sweet Um You could sing in here if you like.
If that is what Your Majesty desires, then that is what I shall do.
Go down, go down To the swift river And throw your flowers in Take me to I want to talk to you about the women you've been involved with.
Well, I shall do my best, Your Majesty, though I may have to consult my notes.
CATHERINE: [LAUGHS.]
I'm sure there have been a great many.
You are a very attractive man.
Uh, when I was 12 and a half - in a barn outside Smolensk - [LAUGHS.]
All right.
I think I'll go first.
[POTEMKIN LAUGHS.]
A very good idea, I think, Your Majesty.
My husband, Peter, was one of the most unpleasant men I've ever met in my life.
So, you may discount him.
Yes, I never thought much of him, Your Majesty.
You couldn't really say we had a sex life.
Do you know, he had a condition of the foreskin whereby for a very long time it was impossible for him to get an erection.
I never knew that, Your Majesty.
Well.
No need to go into any further details about Peter III.
[BOTH LAUGH.]
Oh, he was He could be so frightening.
He was violent.
He was drunk.
He was like an angry child.
I was terrified of him.
Other men? I mean - I heard - Yes? - What did you hear? - Fifteen.
[LAUGHS.]
POTEMKIN: What? [LAUGHING.]
No.
No.
Oh, what lies they tell about women in power.
So.
Not that many.
Five.
There was one when I was living under the empress, Elizabeth.
Still married to that pig, Peter.
The only significant one, really, is Orlov, unless you count the King of Poland.
I am jealous of Orlov.
- You shouldn't be.
- [POTEMKIN GRUNTS.]
Although I was in love with him.
He wanted to marry me.
Well, of course he did; he wanted the power.
I will not share my throne with anyone.
[CLOCK CHIMES.]
Grigory resented the power.
The power I seem to have.
Oh, the power you have.
[CATHERINE CHUCKLES.]
He has no idea how difficult it is to maintain such a thing.
How many the dangers.
How varied the directions from which they emerge.
I'm not interested in debauchery.
I'm interested in love.
And honesty.
And that is all that interests me.
I need love.
[GROANS.]
I have an obsessive need for it.
I will confess that.
So if you want to be with me, you have to love me always.
And always tell me the truth.
At 15, there was a girl in a field outside of Smolensk.
- [POTEMKIN LAUGHS.]
- [LAUGHS.]
No, no, no! Enough! Enough with these confessions! - I got you, though.
I got you.
- No! [CHUCKLES.]
- I did.
I got you.
- Listen, I find my private bath house is is a wondrous place to relax.
I'm going to tell them that you are to be allowed access whenever you wish.
Very generous of Your Majesty, though I make no promises about any debauchery that might occur.
[LAUGHS.]
Fields, barns, Smolensk, Minsk Your record in this area is very troubling.
Oh, it is so reassuring to have you back at Court.
So - When I was 16 and a half - [CATHERINE LAUGHS HEARTILY.]
[BOTH LAUGH.]
CATHERINE: Well What do you want to do now? - Mm? - Well, - I was thinking that I might - Mm? [CATHERINE MOANS.]
quit while I'm ahead.
[SCOFFS.]
[FOOTSTEPS FADING.]
[CATHERINE SIGHS.]
PUGACHEV: The only ones who have reason to be frightened are the pigs who steal your land [CROWD SHOUTING.]
and beat you like dogs.
[CROWD CLAMORING.]
[TENSE MUSIC PLAYS.]
This is your governor! [LAUGHTER.]
- And his wife! - [LAUGHTER.]
Lady Anna Vassilaevna! No, please! [CROWD JEERING AND SHOUTING.]
PUGACHEV: Because of these pigs there are still slaves in Russia.
Do you wanna be slaves? CROWD: No! LADY ANNA VASSILAEVNA: [SCREAMS.]
No! [CROWD CHEERING AND LAUGHING.]
LADY ANNA: No! - [CROWD JEERING.]
- No! Don't you think she looks like Catherine? - No! Please! - Maybe she is Catherine.
Look at those eyes.
[LADY ANNA SOBBING.]
- She wants to fuck everything she sees.
- No, please.
Including my horses! [CROWD LAUGHING AND CLAMORING.]
[LADY ANNA SCREAMS.]
[CROWD CHEERING.]
- Kill the child! - [SCREAMS.]
No! [LADY ANNA WHIMPERS.]
[CROWD ROARS.]
ALEXEI: I thought you might like a tour of the barracks because I know how passionate Your Excellency is about soldiering.
[DRILL SERGEANT SHOUTING ORDERS.]
DRILL SERGEANT: Do you understand? SOLDIERS: Yes, sir! You heard the officer! On the double on command! ALEXEI: What's remarkable about the Preobrazhensky guard is that we take peasants and we turn them into soldiers, for your mother's wars.
And why is it the peasants dream of my father returning to save them? Because Russia must be ruled by a man, Your Excellency.
I don't know how impressed the Turks are with our peasants, but I can tell you this: they terrify me.
[PAUL I CHUCKLES.]
What do you make of this Pugachev business? I think it may be more serious than she believes.
She's taken her eye off the ball.
She only has eyes for Her Majesty needs to pay attention to the Preobrazhensky.
They put her in power, and they can take it away again.
Oh, I'm sure she's very aware of any threat they may pose.
She doesn't miss much, sir.
And may I say, Your Excellency, now that my brother is hardly in Court anymore, how sorry I was about your father.
I was very much a junior partner in that business.
I'm sure you understand.
Oh I understand all about being excluded from power, Count Orlov.
[HORSES WHINNYING.]
She's putting Potemkin on the Council, I hear.
Meteoric rise.
POTEMKIN: Who's there? I'm here by permission of our Empress.
CATHERINE: I also.
POTEMKIN: I'm stark naked, Your Majesty.
CATHERINE: As am I.
Under my clothes.
Drape yourself in something and come out here; I need your advice.
POTEMKIN: Attempting to cover my equipment is a colossal task.
[CATHERINE LAUGHS.]
GRIGORY: What time did he go in? An hour ago.
- And her? - Fifteen minutes.
He's been hard at work while I've been down south.
Let's see how much time they devote to fucking.
It has important political implications.
And this man, Pugachev, in the Lower Volga, what do you think? Well, I don't know what to think yet.
I came across him down south.
CATHERINE: Yes? Yes, he, uh, I heard he'd fled from the army.
He's not from the Volga; a Don Cossack, and Old Believer.
Is he sane? Well, there are those that say running away from the Russian army is a positive sign of sanity.
[LAUGHS.]
[POTEMKIN SIGHS.]
Do I think that this Pugachev business is serious? Yes, I do.
CATHERINE: Hmm.
You see, I didn't think it was that serious but I I think maybe it is? The peasants could listen to him.
They always think they need to be ruled by a man, poor lost souls.
"Slavery does not have to be a Russian institution.
" Some woman said that.
[POTEMKIN CHUCKLES.]
And yet it does.
However much we wish that not to be true.
CATHERINE: Oh You know you really are a very attractive man.
I can't tell you how pleasant it is to have someone to talk to.
POTEMKIN: Mm.
Well, yes.
Well, then tell me Lieutenant Vasilchikov No, no.
I I'm gonna get rid of him.
Oh yes.
I've offered him 60,000 rubles and quite a nice palace.
Panin is making all the arrangements.
You see if we were to be lovers, it would - it would have to be - For all time.
Are you proposing? Well, how would one go about proposing such a thing, Your Majesty? That's an impossible idea I'm afraid.
[SIGHS.]
Here I was, thinking we were gonna make love, and we end up talking politics.
And that's why I like you so much.
[CATHERINE CHUCKLES.]
[SWORD CLANGS.]
Oh.
[LAUGHS.]
What the fuck are you two doing out here? GRIGORY: Timing you.
It takes more than ten minutes to satisfy her.
Ah.
And I suppose your little brother's out here with his hand on his cock hoping to watch somebody having sex.
Probably the closest thing he gets to it.
A little like his hands-off approach to naval warfare.
You won't last with her or anyone else, Potemkin.
You are a vulgar little counter jumper and your days are numbered.
Fancy trying for the other eye, do you, Alexei? - We're not listening to this.
- Huh? You gonna join your brother and fuck off from court too, are you? I don't know how you can stay.
I mean, where's your self-respect? I will never allow the country I love to be governed by a disgusting little upstart like you.
This little disgusting upstart has been away at war.
I dunno what you were doing but I've been cutting my way through Turkish hordes.
Given the opportunity, I will do the same to you.
GRIGORY: What do you want, Potemkin? I don't think it's got through your thick skull, has it? I'm not here to use the woman or squeeze her to make money out of her.
No, hey? I don't want to use her as a stepping stone to my brilliant fucking career, am I? I love the woman, huh? Come on, I love her! In the way a man should love a woman.
You want a bit of this? Huh? Come on, bend the fuck over! - GRIGORY: You're mad! - [POTEMKIN CONTINUES SHOUTING.]
- [POTEMKIN LAUGHING.]
- GRIGORY: Potemkin! Insane! POTEMKIN: Yes! [POTEMKIN YELLS MANIACALLY.]
[INDISTINCT CHATTER.]
[DOOR OPENS.]
So, Grigory Orlov has finally left court.
I wonder why.
I showed him my penis, Your Majesty.
[LAUGHS.]
It seems Monsieur Pugachev is moving towards Moscow.
He's taken Kazan.
Destroyed General Kar.
This is serious, Grishenka.
Of course, Panin and the rest of them think that we are too preoccupied with each other.
They say we're having an affair.
Well, aren't we? [SCOFFS.]
Not that I noticed.
[CHUCKLES.]
Oh.
Not yet, anyway.
PANIN: We did send a small force, - Your Majesty, and - CATHERINE: I know, I know.
They were cut down.
Any loss of a Russian soldier's life is like losing a part of myself.
Now we need someone of proven experience.
Major General Potemkin, your opinion.
Your Majesty, if Pugachev is indeed marching on Moscow, then we need to mobilize now.
Agreed.
A large force, but who should lead it? I don't think this is a job for the Navy, Count Orlov.
Unless of course you mean to navigate your way to Kazan.
It is possible, Your Majesty, - that, um - There is someone at this table who has fought hand to hand with the Turks, and brought home astonishing victories.
Major General Potemkin.
If it is thought I am the man to succeed, Your Majesty, then I am more than happy to settle this deluded traitor once and for all.
An excellent notion, Your Majesty.
Good.
Then it is agreed.
Potemkin will take command of the army.
Let us put it into motion.
POTEMKIN: Well, it seems I must go, and you must stay.
CATHERINE: Stay alive.
That's all I ask.
And when I come back If I come back [DRILL SERGEANT SHOUTING ORDERS INDISTINCTLY.]
CATHERINE: You will come back.
You will and you must.
[FOOTSTEPS FADING.]
Lieutenant Potemkin.
I think you'll find I have been promoted, Your Excellency, - some time ago.
- PAUL I: I know people like you.
You crawl to my mother and think you will get money I crawl to no one.
I serve my country.
Need I remind you? Whose dog are you if it comes to that? You cannot speak to me like that.
I just did.
And now, sir I have a war to win.
You'd look wonderful in uniform, sir.
[TENSE MUSIC PLAYS.]
Oh, war, war, war, war! [DRILL SERGEANT BARKS ORDERS.]
All I want to do is talk about sex.
[CHUCKLES.]
Or gardening.
COUNTESS BRUCE: You want to talk about Potemkin, don't you? - CATHERINE: Yes.
- [COUNTESS BRUCE CHUCKLES.]
CATHERINE: Yes, I do, I do! PAUL I: Right wheel forward! PAUL I: Right wheel forward! CATHERINE: That's just like my husband.
- PAUL I: Left, right! - You know, Peter used to drill little toy soldiers for hours on end, dressed in full Holstein uniform.
CATHERINE: And we have to find Alexei Orlov a job or he's gonna cause trouble.
Always keep the awkward ones busy.
- [PAUL I SHOUTING ORDERS.]
- And then get rid of them if they actually fuck it up.
- [PAUL I SHOUTING ORDERS.]
- Minister of War? [SOLDIERS MARCHING.]
Well, there's an idea.
PAUL I: My father was the father of his people.
And one day I will fulfill the duties and responsibilities of that role.
I will lead a disciplined army of soldiers to make his dream for this great country come true.
Discipline, gentlemen.
Martial, masculine discipline.
Present arms! [SOLDIERS STOMP.]
- About face! - [SOLDIERS MANEUVER.]
[SOLDIERS BEGIN MARCHING.]
Are you planning your own little coup? Is that what this is all about? Well you won't succeed, young man.
The army is loyal to me, and the peasants will do as they are told.
I'm sorry, but that's the truth.
The mass of the people always obey orders.
It would be a terrible mistake to go against me.
Because I know more about politics than you will ever know.
I survive, as I have survived for half a century in a world that does not want me.
[CLOCK CHIMING.]
You would not last two minutes as the ruler of Russia.
And all your drilling with your little toy soldiers will get you nowhere at all.
You see, power power is a balancing act.
You have to learn how to walk the line.
You always spoke of reform when you first began to rule.
Yes, well, I had all sorts of ideas when I was younger, and I still believe in justice for all.
But I would remind you always to remember from where your power [SCOFFS.]
if you were ever to have any, which I doubt [CHUCKLES.]
- will derive.
- All I'm saying is [CHUCKLES.]
This is my country.
You stupid boy.
You look to your wife.
- You get me an heir.
- You lied to me.
About my father.
And you lied to the country.
You promise them one thing then give them another.
I want my father to be alive.
I want him here beside me.
Is that a crime? Look, I I understand.
Look, I know you're going to rule one day, probably.
And And I do want to hear your your political ideas.
Um, why don't you write something? Um, something about, oh, I don't know, the the peasants' unrest and send it to me I will read it.
I will.
I promise.
Agreed? [TENSE MUSIC PLAYS.]
[SOLDIERS TALKING AND LAUGHING.]
POTEMKIN: Yes, you.
Go fuck yourself, you one-eyed cunt.
[GROANS.]
POTEMKIN: Stand him up! [PUGACHEV PANTING.]
[GRUNTS.]
You think you're fucking invisible? Potemkin has finished him off.
Ha-ha! He's riding back to St.
Petersburg with Pugachev in a cage like the wild beast that he is.
Major General Potemkin deserves our thanks, Your Majesty.
I'm not usually in favor of triumphal marches; it smacks too much of the last days of the Roman Empire, but I think I will ride out to meet him.
Is that wise, Your Majesty? Why would it not be, Minister? You could be in danger, Your Majesty.
Is the countryside entirely pacified? How would you know, Minister? You hardly ever go there.
Make the arrangements.
I will ride out at the head of the Preobrazhensky Guard.
PANIN: I I do feel that this is dangerous, Your Majesty.
They need to see me.
Minister.
[GASPS.]
Oh, I do have one piece of advice, however, I would like from you.
I want it to be thoroughly researched and I would like comprehensive answers in the best traditions of the Russian Civil Service.
What am I going to wear? [SQUEALS.]
What am I going to wear? - [CROWD YELLING.]
- PEASANT: Pugachev! PUGACHEV: God sees all your suffering, my children.
He sees everything.
Through my eyes, he sees! Through my eyes.
[YELLING CONTINUES.]
The whore, Catherine will try and fuck my corpse! We congratulate you on your service.
- POTEMKIN: Your Majesty.
- SOLDIER: Move back! - PEASANT: Pugachev! - SOLDIER: Move! MAN 1: Catherine.
- MAN: Your Majesty.
- MAN 1: Catherine.
MAN 2: Mother of all Russia.
We are not worthy.
MAN 3: We bow before you, Your Majesty.
MAN 4: Bless us, Your Majesty.
MAN 5: We bow before you, Your Majesty.
CROWD: [CHANTING.]
Catherine, Catherine, Catherine.
CROWD: [CHANTING.]
Catherine, Catherine, Catherine.
Catherine, Catherine, Catherine [CHANTING CONTINUES.]
- [INDISTINCT CHATTER.]
- [CHANTING CONTINUES.]
[PUGACHEV MUTTERING.]
Whore! [CROWD CLAMORING.]
CATHERINE: They want a public execution.
I've told the hangman he is not to be disemboweled.
Why do they think cruelty can wipe out the memory of cruelty? POTEMKIN: Hmm.
What you need, Major General Potemkin, is a bath.
Mm.
Do I? Mm.
Not unpleasantly.
I do not dislike the smell of fresh sweat on a man.
[MOANS.]
My bath house in ten minutes? [FOOTSTEPS FADING.]
CATHERINE: Come and join me.
But lock the door.
People are inquisitive in this palace.
And I am the most inquisitive of all of them.
[CHUCKLES.]
Please, join me.
No need to wear a towel.
It's wonderfully hot in here.
No, I want to see if everything they say about you is true.
POTEMKIN: I will apologize in advance for any deficiencies - I might have.
- [CATHERINE CHUCKLES.]
[KISSING, BREATHING HEAVILY.]
I want you not because of what you can give me or who you are.
Oh, I want you.
I want you.
I want you because I love you.
And that will never change.
- Was that a proposal? - [CATHERINE MOANS.]
- Are you proposing? - [LAUGHS.]
No! - POTEMKIN: It is! - [CATHERINE LAUGHS.]
POTEMKIN: It sounds like a proposal.