Celebrity Island with Bear Grylls (2016) s01e02 Episode Script
Mutiny
1 This programme contains strong language and adult content.
In 21st-century Britain we have it pretty easy.
But by their own admission, modern-day celebrities have it easier than most.
I love oxygen treatments.
I want to find out how these celebrities will cope when stripped of their luxury lifestyles.
Absolutely beautiful.
And left to fend for themselves in the wild.
It's the glamour of showbiz.
I've abandoned ten British celebrities on a remote desert island in the Pacific.
Tastes like piss.
Fish piss.
I have OCL - Obsessive Compulsive Laziness.
Marooned in just the clothes they stand up in and with a handful of basic tools.
I don't want to circumcise myself.
Oh, my God, Mark, Mark, please do it.
Alone with four camera operators.
Hi, I'm Tom.
They will film everything themselves.
This is a Josie Long.
I'm desperately trying not to flash my bum to you.
They'll only eat what they can hunt down I got a fish.
Oh, my God.
.
.
and kill.
Now I feel like an explorer.
Oh, thank you, darling.
This is proper real.
Deprived of all of the creature comforts I haven't taken a shit since we've got here which is slightly concerning.
.
.
they take for granted.
Positivity, positivity, positivity.
Will they have the determination This is going to hurt.
.
.
and the strength We have no water.
We have no BLEEP water.
.
.
to survive.
Don't move.
We are so, so BLEEP.
We've been out here for hours and hours.
As part of this year's Stand Up To Cancer campaign, ten celebrities have embarked on the toughest two weeks of their lives.
They're all taking part for free and donating their fees to the charity.
My sister died of leukaemia and my dad died of cancer.
I know loads of people that have died of cancer and it's just crazy.
It's the big C, isn't it? It's the big fear.
So if I can do anything to help for that, that's great.
Since I dropped them on the island four days ago I honestly feel like we're in BLEEP Jumanji.
.
.
they elected Dom Joly as a leader.
I was expelled from school and look at this.
Running my own country now.
They've made fire Oh, my God.
Yeah.
.
.
and discovered a beach with a water source.
It's freshwater.
That is freshwater.
But they've yet to relocate there from their temporary camp.
We'll leave first thing tomorrow morning.
Despite the promise of better times ahead My throat is cutting up.
.
.
the island has pushed pop star Aston to the brink.
I didn't expect it to be this hard.
It is pretty hard-core.
Oh, no, it's fully hard-core.
It's the group's fifth morning on the island.
I'm so hungry right now I could Josie's butt.
Juicy.
I'd settle for a coconut.
They said three gives you diarrhoea, doesn't it? At the moment I'd eat diarrhoea.
The celebrities have secured two basic survival tools.
They've made fire and discovered a freshwater source.
And that's definitely bought them a little bit of time.
But they've hardly eaten anything and the reality is they're getting weaker by the minute.
And if they don't find food soon, what is a hard situation is going to become an awful lot worse.
Can we wear machetes? Who's wearing machetes? The group's plan is to relocate to their new beach and water source as soon as possible.
Let's do this, team.
But before they can leave, Aston calls a meeting.
I just feel that I'm not being 100% myself in here and I'm just quite miserable to be honest.
I came into this, I think, very naive.
And I'm just going to go home.
Is there anything any of us could do? How I'm feeling now, no.
This isn't my environment.
I'm better off in a studio writing songs and choreographing dance routines that may seem piss easy to a lot of people but it's a different type of endurance and it's something that I've trained myself for since I was, like, 15 years old.
I just want to be sure, like, Aston is that your actual final decision? Listen, I don't really want to do anything that I don't want to do.
We all want to leave frankly.
You know, I'm not enjoying this, I'm BLEEP hating every second of it but I'm going to try and hack it as long as I can.
I really believe if you don't like stuff just quit, get out of there.
Having said that, I've wanted to and I haven't and I think Aston is a bit of a chicken.
I'm devastated.
I'm struggling myself and actually contemplated going too.
Presidente.
I feel like I'm a broken man.
We'll miss you.
Have fun.
The rest of it's going to be a holiday.
You're missing the best bit.
Bye.
Love you guys.
Love you.
Take care.
It's just heartbreaking.
Because we're just in this position where we'll be able to get ourselves set up.
It's just not good if people go.
Buy, Aston! When one person quits, it really can descend morale crashing.
And the danger is that others then follow.
And in this situation, it's essential for the group to stay positive and concentrate on the basic survival priorities.
Water, shelter, food.
Marvin would have hacked it.
THEY LAUGH HE CLUCKS Right, without putting too fine a point on it, we need to crack on.
Yeah, let's go.
Having been delayed by Aston's departure, leader Dom wants the group to set off for their new home as soon as possible.
Look out.
Got it.
We're not far off here.
One of these termite things burn for ages.
There's a huge one in the tree.
I reckon we can carry the fire in it to where we're going next.
Three, two, one.
Yes.
Termites down! The fire will be essential for purifying water once they reach their new camp.
You're carrying a fucking lit termite mound through the jungle.
How cool is that? Right, are we all already and raring? Mm-hm.
Can I sit down? I feel like I'm not breathing properly.
Just as the group are about to leave, former Blue Peter presenter Zoe has a wobble.
Are you OK? Can't really breathe properly.
Oh, darling.
Can you feel your heart going? Yeah, my heart's racing.
I mean, she's pretty thin anyway so I just think it's really tough for her.
I think she's having a really, really bad time.
Just breathe and open your mouth.
I'm quite worried about her actually.
This walk's not really good for her at all.
She needs some food.
You're fine, darling.
But just be careful today.
All right? After checking Zoe's vital signs, Dr Dawn thinks she's fit to travel.
Do you want to carry that or? Oh, yeah, I'll do what over, yeah.
I'll take the water.
As long as she doesn't over exert herself.
We are all knackered, starved, and dehydrated.
Yep.
If you start feeling a bit faint or dizzy, the best thing you can do for the team is to say that you need to stop.
This is it.
If termites don't work, we're in trouble.
Woo! It's moving day.
To relocate to their paradise beach and water source, the group must carry their kit across 2km of arduous jungle terrain.
Exhausting.
As president, I name this hill El Bastardo.
Dr Dawn and cameraman Ali have taken responsibility for the group's most precious cargo.
Is it out now? It's not out.
There's still an ember in there.
What we're going to have to do is just check this stick every few yards cos I dropped it cos the stick broke.
Let's go.
The quicker they can get to the new camp, the better their chances of saving the fire.
And we've got to wait for Zoe, guys, guys, guys.
Come on, Zoe.
How's Zoe? She's very tired.
Already? Yeah.
Do we think Zoe's going to be able to do this? She'll have to.
It's so exhausting when you're already exhausted.
I'm just going to lie down just for a few minutes.
Has that gone out? Yeah, it looks like it has.
Shit.
While waiting for Zoe, the group have lost one of their embers.
Dom, you're our last hope at the moment.
You're the only fire left.
I sense some pending doom.
Go on, then, guys.
OK, Ollie.
You're all right, Zoe? How are you feeling about cracking on? Oh, yeah.
I'm ready, I'm ready.
It's now a race against time to save the remaining fire.
Avoid the middle of the gully cos it's quite slippy and deep.
The group are more than halfway to their new beach.
I'm dubious about getting all the kit down here.
Cheers.
SCREAMING Oh, shit, are you all right? Oh.
Who's down? Josie.
Shit.
Oh, my God, Joe.
Comedienne Josie has fallen heavily while carrying a camera down the gully.
I just bashed my knee.
It's so stupid.
Right, I'm really sorry but we've got to take loads and swap things because it's getting too much.
People are getting exhausted.
Zoe, you're going to have to take the camera for a bit.
Lydia, I'm very happy to.
Please don't ever think that I wasn't.
Everyone's falling over and it's not fair.
No-one is offering to help.
Well, this'll be very clear.
I've offered the whole way.
I think you have a problem with me.
No, I don't have a problem.
Well, it sounds like you do.
People are, like, exhausted.
Exactly, and I've offered the whole way.
I'm just saying that I never heard that.
Well, I'm sorry, that you didn't hear it.
But I have said it.
Guys, we're all so knackered and we're all just hitting each other.
Exhausted.
I know, I know, so let's just keep it nice, tolerance.
Yeah.
Everyone all right? OK, let's go.
How are you feeling? Fucked.
I'd like to announce that you can hear the sea.
It's downhill all the way to Neverland.
Two hours after setting out, the exhausted group finally make it round the last section of headland.
CHEERING Wow.
Oh, my God.
I love this place already.
Welcome to our garden, guys.
Wow.
This is more what I was promised on the brochure.
Is this like your back garden in the Cotswolds? This is very like the Cotswolds actually.
We suddenly turned up in what is pretty close to paradise.
We've got five coves, beautiful beaches, we've got a lovely campsite here with really amazing trees and stuff.
It's beautiful.
Here we go, guys.
Pray.
Come on, fire.
Yes.
CHEERING Humble people, this will be our new capital.
Hooray! Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow.
Shit, that's hot.
Ow.
I'm so positive now.
Everyone's so happy that we've found a camp.
You know, it's perfect.
We've got a lovely scenic view.
Everyone's spirits and morale have just been lifted like that.
I am feeling jubilated.
I was honestly considering packing in and I'm not even afraid to admit that.
And I really feel like we've turned a page and it's only going to get better from here.
I feel fantastic.
I feel fantastic.
Oh, for fuck's sake.
Do you not fancy a swim, Mark? No, it wasn't on the itinerary for me for today.
As the group celebrate their new camp, Mark is worried they've lost sight of the bigger picture.
We've had no food now for four days.
There doesn't really seem to be a priority for the basics.
As long as you can have a swim, then everything's great.
But if you haven't got food, shelter and water, the happiness isn't going to last very long, is it? Fucking starving.
When does the sun come up? What? Morning.
SHE LAUGHS It's quite odd, cos every time I wake up and look down at Zoe, I think she's died in the night cos she sleeps in the recovery position.
We call it Crouching Tiger, Hidden Salmon.
Oh, God, just the idea of salmon.
I shouldn't use that word.
We shouldn't call her Salmon, should we? That's delicious.
Because she suddenly sounds edible.
SHE LAUGHS It's the group's first morning in their new camp.
They now have fire and a sustainable water supply This is what they call island tea.
It's basically alligator urine and bug piss.
.
.
but they haven't eaten a single proper meal in five days.
'I'm a guy who has about five meals a day.
' My body has just never, never had this feeling of of lack of energy.
'I'm in a mess.
' Right, shall we have this meeting? What do we think our priorities are today? I think it's food.
Food.
Do we all agree with food? ALL: Yes.
Is there anyway we could order a pizza? OK, so who's doing what? Me, Tom and Joe are gonna go fishing.
Oh, we need yucca search as well.
We should get a yucca team.
Is that all right? Yeah.
Yeah.
Tom, how are you today? I dunno.
I don't know.
Tom is really struggling.
He's got no body stores at all.
He started this journey with 5% body fat.
I hate to think what he's got now.
Tom, listen, I'm talking medically now - your calorific requirement to function is completely different to mine.
Partly, you're a guy.
But you're also so lean You're built like a horse.
.
.
and muscle needs more calories than fat.
So you NEED it.
I think it is gonna get better, Tom, and we are gonna get some food.
We'll feed you up.
Right, shall we crack on? Yes.
The human body has evolved to cope with both feast and famine.
So when there's no food, the body turns its own fat into the fuel.
But once those stores of fat are gone, the body then starts to consume its own muscle, and those with the lowest fat reserves are hit the hardest first.
Ready, guys? Let's do it! Having lost Aston yesterday, the group are determined to find food so they don't lose Tom as well.
Yucca, yucca, yucca, we're comin' to get ya.
I've ensured the island has enough water, vegetation and indigenous animals to keep them alive.
But if they want to eat, they've gotta find it, catch it and kill it.
Little bugger.
Hey! I got it.
There's gotta be some big crabs around here.
I'm now in fishing mode.
I'm a real quite hardcore fisherman.
I may wear pink and stuff, but actually, I'm a hardcore fisherman.
Despite being on his last legs, Tom's determined to join the group's efforts to find food.
If we come back with a bundle of fish today, I think I'll probably cry.
OK, well, let's make you cry.
All right, let's do it.
Since I've stopped playing rugby I've been doing a bit of modelling, underwear stuff.
I've certainly done tougher jobs in the past.
I've been through some pretty intense situations on the rugby field in my time, breaking my neck being one of them.
But if the going's got tough, I've always been one to try and find a way out than just throw the towel in and think it's all over.
Scottish rugby player versus small snail.
Snail wins.
This is mortifying.
Not for me, for you.
Yeah, but, I've just got no energy.
Carbs, carbs, carbs.
In the jungle, Zoe and Karen are on the search for yucca.
Food is just crucial.
We need it, end of story.
BIRD CLUCKS Sh! BIRD CLUCKS (Oh, my God, did you hear that?) BIRD CLUCKS Zoe, Zoe.
There it is.
Oh, there it is.
The pair have stumbled across a turkey in the undergrowth.
What's the worst a Turkey can do, just bite me? Yeah.
That's fine.
Just be a bit aggressive, but that's all it's gonna do.
That's fine.
Right, I'm going in, I'm going in.
If they can catch it, it will provide a much-needed meal for the entire group, and vital calories for Tom.
Oh, no, he's gonna jump.
Oh, man.
Oh, my God.
TURKEY CLUCKS Come here, my little turkey, turkey, turkey.
SHE MOANS Oh, careful.
SHE GROANS Where did you go? SHE GROANS We have to get to this.
I've got it! I had it.
Oh, shit.
SHE SCREAMS Oh, dammit.
The minute you go to put your hands on them, they just go.
They just go.
SHE GROANS Come here, din-dins.
God, it's so sadistic, isn't it? On the rocks, the fishing party are braving the midday heat, determined to get a bit.
Come on, fishy, fishy.
Here fishy, fishy, fishy.
Look at this fish, guys.
Holy shit, we got a shark here.
Fuck, guys, quickly, quickly.
Here he comes, here he comes.
That would feed the entire camp.
Give me a knife, I might fucking jump from here and just stab him.
I don't know where it's gone.
It's shallow water, I can just fucking jump in and stab him.
It's coming round again.
Where's the knife, seriously? I haven't got it.
Where's the knife? I'll just jump from a height and stab him.
I haven't got the knife, sorry.
How's he gonna see that coming? What is he? He's dinner, that's what he is.
Guys! Yes? We're in.
Oh, my God.
We're in.
Yes.
Oh, my God, what do I do? Oh, fuck, he's gone.
Fuck! Fuck.
Shit.
The near miss is the last straw for Tom.
Shit.
After an exhausting morning, the islanders return to camp empty-handed.
How are we doing? Oh, good news and bad news.
We were in the company of turkeys.
I had my hands on one, caught it.
You're kidding me.
What? Bad news is, it got away.
Oh.
I just wanted everyone to have dinner and I'm so bitterly disappointed that I've come home empty-handed.
Especially for Tom.
It's fucking repulsive.
Well, you'd never go into a restaurant and order fucking limpets.
All the group have for lunch is the leftover bait.
Sadly, only three calories each, I think, roughly.
Is that helping at all? Not really - it's just not enough.
Like .
.
I've never felt this low.
But I can't just sit around and not help.
He needs food.
I literally just can't even move now.
Oh, my God.
Fucking hell, Tom.
Tom? You with me? Yeah.
Do you wanna sit down? Yeah.
Yeah, just sit down.
Too weak even to stand up, Tom is confined to camp by Dr Dawn until the group can revive him with a decent meal.
He's just so drained.
I mean, literally can't move.
He's like this big monster that just wants to help, but his body says, no.
Let's do it, guys, come on.
We all have a vested interest in feeding him.
Because we don't wanna lose him.
While Don and Zoe resume the hunt for carbs Oh! Lost the string.
Oh, that's so annoying.
.
.
Lydia and Josie are fishing with improvised rods, using the hooks I provided.
I'm so hungry.
I've never, ever gone in my life more than one day without eating food.
'I just feel frail.
' I can feel the bites, but it's only little ones.
For me, image is very important.
I know that might sound quite shallow, but I feel happier when I look incredible.
I have no deal deodorant, no toothpaste.
Oh, you're not very good with smells, either, are you? That is my thing.
Sometimes, people think that a lot of us Towie cast and, you know myself, are from really rich families and stuff.
But I'm from a very working class family.
You know, I'm not afraid to work hard.
I want to go on the island with no make-up and no glitz and glam, and show them that I can survive.
You've put on loads of weight lately.
Maybe this thing's quite good for you so you can lose a bit of weight.
How dare you? SHE YELPS You OK? What's happened? I've got the hook stuck on my finger.
Shit.
SHE WHIMPERS Ooh, it's really hurting me.
I think it's gone through my knuckle or something.
I don't know how I'm gonna get that out.
Dawn will get it out.
Fuck sake.
Lydia heads back to camp to get help.
Fucking got a fish hook in my finger.
Oh, sweetie.
Oh, my God.
It may not look like an emergency yet, but out in the tropics, even the smallest of injuries can turn life-threatening.
And when it's hot and humid, open wounds are almost impossible to heal.
And that's why it's vital you act quickly.
Once infection sets in, then you're in serious trouble.
We need to get Dawn.
Would you be able to search for her? Yeah, yeah, I'll go find her.
I be back in a bit, Lyds.
Dawn? Dawn? Dr Dawn's been out in the jungle looking out for yucca for the past two hours.
Fuck, I'm not built for this.
HE PANTS Dawn?! Dawn?! Da-a-wn? Fuck.
Fuck! TURKEY CLUCKS It's a fucking turkey.
I'll come back for you.
You stay there.
Stay there, Turkey.
OK? Cos we're gonna fucking eat you tonight.
I'm just going to get the doctor first, so stay.
Fuck.
Dawn? I thought I heard somebody I thought it was a voice.
.
.
shout something.
Dawn? Hello? Hi, Dawn.
Yes? Where are you? Going downhill.
Yeah.
Lydia's got a look in her finger.
You're joking me.
OK, I'll come back.
The fucking shit thing is, I've just passed two fucking turkeys on the way.
You're kidding me.
No.
OK, where's Lydia, in camp? In camp.
OK.
It's like the ugliest finger accessory in the world.
It's swollen up.
Where is she? Just over there.
Oh, thank God.
I'm here.
Dawn.
Bless you.
We're not gonna pull it out now, are we? No, no, no, I won't do anything without telling you.
You have to tell me what you're gonna do.
I promise you.
OK.
The fish hook's barb makes it almost impossible to pull out without causing more damage.
Papa to Charlie, Papa to Charlie.
Over.
'This is Charlie, go ahead, over.
' So she's got the barb in the pulp of her finger.
Erm, I would be happy to push that on through.
So I just wonder whether we've got any ice to freeze it? 'I think it's probably appropriate I come over over.
'And then we'll take it from there.
Over.
' Thank you.
Out.
It's a fucking disaster.
At Dr Dawn's request, my safety team bring medical supplies to help extract the hook.
SHE GRUNTS Sorry.
Sweetie? You're gonna be just fine, all right? Oh, my God, it's pulling.
You're all right, you're all right.
Brilliant.
Ah! Stingy! Stingy? Right, this is gonna hurt.
No, no, no, no, no.
I'm definitely not ready.
Yes, you're ready.
Yes, you are, honey.
SHE SCREAMS Oh, my God, it's sore.
It's all right.
Oh, my God.
SHE SCREAMS Oh, my God, it hurts so much.
Is it out? Is it out? No, no, no, no.
SHE SOBS Right, Lydia, it's stuck in there now.
OK, it's not gonna come out easily.
Will it be less painful for me if I go to hospital? But if we carted you off to hospital, erm, you're basically off the island.
SHE SOBS If it didn't come out that easily on that attempt, it's going to really, really hurt if I try and do it again, my love.
OK? Lydia has impaled her finger on a fish-hook.
It has not come out on the first attempt easily.
It's too embedded.
It's so painful.
It's one of the most painful things that ever happened in my life.
If we carted you off to hospital, you'd basically be off the island.
I don't care.
Right.
It's a really fine needle.
Lydia agrees to let medic Mike make one last attempt with local anaesthetic.
I swear.
It really is.
Tiny, tiny, tiny needle.
I think when you become attached to people in places like this, where it's so remote, you need the closest thing to your family, and that is your closest friends.
Without Lydia, I'm going to be in real trouble.
You'll feel pressure and a weird feeling but you shouldn't feel pain.
OK.
OK, mate.
I can feel that a little bit.
It's just there, isn't it? It's all about not leaving a big wound in this environment.
Oh, guys.
LYDIA SCREAMS Out.
Out.
All done.
Thank you.
I'm sorry if I was a bad patient.
That scream was insane.
It was horrible.
It was like a child labour scream, that.
Poor thing.
Lydia's able to stay but the incident has wiped out a whole afternoon's worth of hunting Shit.
I should have tried to grab one at least, should I? .
.
and the turkeys spotted by cameraman Ali earlier have vanished into the jungle.
Fuck.
I told them to stay.
Everyone's so hungry.
Probably due to my stupidity.
Part of me had actually wanted to cry but I'm honestly too fucked to even do that.
And that's no word of a lie.
You laid a huge log there, Dawn.
I certainly did.
A week in, and the islanders still haven't eaten a single proper meal.
I'd eat poo on a stick right now.
You'd eat poo on a stick? How's my hair looking? Fuck your hair, Lydia.
Would you eat poo on a stick right now? I think I would.
That is what little dignity we have left in our lives.
Poo on a stick.
I just think everybody would be happier living in a place that feels like home.
People are cleaning and it's making me feel very uneasy.
I've got to go and lie down.
Before the group resume their search for food, Dr Dawn wants everyone to help tidy the camp SHE SCREAMS Oh, my God! There's all bugs on me! .
.
in the hope it will boost morale.
Are you happy if we put the beds away, Dom? I was going to lie down for a little bit.
You can lie down in your bed.
We'll put the others away.
I think she's cracked.
It's when OCD attacks.
It's great.
It's what lazy people like me You wait for OCD people to crack and do everything and they'll say, "Well, if you won't do it, I won't do it," but you know an OCD person will do it in the end.
It's brilliant.
Dom was joking about how lazy he is, which isn't ideal for a leader, really.
Not when we're in a survival situation.
Sorry, I'm just feeling nauseous.
It's really come over me quite badly.
I think Don's getting quite a few people's nerves because he does do less than everyone.
Sometimes it's a bit stressful and you see him, like, just not taking the initiative.
There really is no such thing as a good, lazy survivor.
You've just got to get to it and never stop.
And this group is going to stand the best chance of thriving if everyone is pulling their weight.
Physically, they're deteriorating fast and if nothing changes, you really are on borrowed time.
Please can we go bloody fishing now? Yes, let's go.
Come on.
All the fish have a siesta, they all sod off every day.
They probably do.
Listen, no-one's going to fucking die.
Let's fucking enjoy it for a bit cos there's nothing worse than just grumbling AND getting nothing.
If you want to kill yourself, that's great, but not us.
It drives me mental.
You know? Yucca, yucca, yucca Yucca, yucca.
Good yucc.
Guys, good yucc.
Good yucc.
See what she did there? Do you see what she did? Badum-bum-tish! While most of the group head out to find food, Thom's still too weak to hunt.
It's horrible because I've always been, like, a doer and I like doing stuff, especially for the sake of the group, but I physically, like, I can't I can't even function.
I just can't.
No energy.
Nothing.
Mark has recruited Ollie and Zoe to his fishing party.
Come back up a bit.
It only takes one big wave and that'll be it.
Sorry? I was brought up at the seaside.
You know? I know these things.
This is not alien to me.
Have you heard the good news? You're leaving possibly? Is that it? No, somebody else has just handed their notice in.
In my experience, the only one that can do it properly is me.
This looks a mess.
I mean, when I was in the hotel business, I always said if I could clone myself, I would just do everything and get rid of all the staff.
But they're idiots but they're hotel staff.
What do you expect? I've always been the boss.
Join on the end.
Come on! 'I'll be putting in my share.
' I might not know what I'm doing but at least I'll be having a go.
I think we're failing miserably.
I think we're the worst survivors on an island that this island has ever had.
The reason we're failing is due to leadership and we haven't got any.
If we were to go against Dom, would it make our lives harder? I think it might be.
Yeah.
I mean, I wouldn't want to be in an argument with Dom.
I think all hell would break loose.
But seriously, we need to energise ourselves because we're not thriving, we're failing.
We need a new leader.
Try not I was going to say let's try not to disturb all the sediment on the bottom.
Oh.
Sorry.
This is my first time.
While the others hunt, leader Dom has opted to stay close to camp to do the daily water run.
I've got half.
That's about as much as I can carry.
Fuck.
I keep saying to myself, "Don't be lazy.
You've got to get involved.
"Don't let other people do it for you.
" Especially as they've made me leader.
I could try and I don't know.
I'll try and set an example.
HE SIGHS El presidente siesta time.
Oh, this is not right.
No, it's not it, is it? In the jungle, the search for the elusive yucca continues.
You know what? I think Thom's got to the stage where he'd eat his own thumb.
I'd love to find a yucca.
You know, that's what he needs.
Oh, look at that.
Dickhead.
Stupid tree.
Carbohydrate is the most important food for the body and without it your energy levels just basically crash but the good news is these islands are home to the tropics' alternative to the potato, and that's the humble yucca.
But with over 1,000 different species of plant life here, it isn't easy to find.
Do you see sweet, juicy yuccas on the end of that? No.
It's just annoying because they say, "Oh, you know, you'll see it when you see it.
" Look how many trees there are.
I've never seen so many trees in my life.
It's late afternoon.
After an unsuccessful fishing trip, Mark is the first back to camp.
Dom's gone.
Where's Dom? He's not here.
SNORING For fuck's sake.
Unbelievable.
DOM SNORES I've done water already.
I'm not being lazy.
Unbelievable.
SNORING CONTINUES There's no sense of urgency, you know.
We're starving to death, you know, we've got somebody like Thom who's about to collapse at any moment and our industrious president is asleep.
SNORING I'm going to maybe launch a military coup.
We'll see.
What's this, guys? GASP Oh, my God.
Is it the yucca? That does look like yucca.
Oh, my God.
After days of searching, Zoe and Dawn think they've finally made a discovery that could turn around the group's fortunes.
Right, give that a pull.
Right.
That, ladies and gentlemen, is yucca.
Oh, my goodness, I knew it.
So relieved.
We've brought home the carbs.
What have you got? You've got yucca? A lot of it.
Bloody hell.
CHEERING But this is just the start of that.
Oh, my God.
Buzzing.
Today is yucca day.
Who knows, maybe the couple of spoonfuls of yucca that we will have will really reenergise us and I'm really happy for everyone, especially for Thom.
Look at this one.
Look at this one.
It looks like a penis.
LAUGHTER With a genital wart.
I know.
We've decided it needs to go and see Dawn from Embarrassing Bodies.
Oh.
After a week on the island So excited to taste it.
.
.
the group are about to eat their first proper meal.
Is that the best thing you've seen for a little while? Sure is.
Look how everyone's cheered up.
I'm on the verge of tears.
We're going to be carbed up.
Leader Dom is given the privilege of trying the first bite.
It's just wood.
Taste that bit.
It's fucking wood.
This isn't yucca.
We've been boiling a tree.
Oh, fuck's sake.
That's just literally a piece of wood.
I can't believe it.
I never like to quit at anything but the thought has certainly crossed my mind.
If we don't find food, I don't know I don't know what else I can do, to be honest, because it's getting worse and worse.
Fucking hell.
Hey, Thom.
You look totally miserable and brooding.
Not now, please, Jo.
I mean it.
Just not now.
Having a little moment.
Shit, I'm so sorry.
The islanders are reeling from the news that the yucca dinner they'd hoped for is actually inedible tree root.
Even if you boil a shoe, it is edible at the end because it's leather and it will reduce, but wood is fucking wood.
I think what you've developed is a slow-burning wood so it will last longer on the fire.
We've made briquettes.
It's a major result.
In the past seven days, it's fair to say we've had, on average, a maximum of 200 calories.
I'm struggling so much.
I really am struggling.
Fucking hell, Thom.
You look beat, son.
Hmm? My body is just breaking down hour by hour.
But this is just It's just something else.
Worried by Thom's rapid decline, Doctor Dawn decides to find out how much weight he's actually lost using the scales from her medical kit.
So you are 82 kilos.
What were you before? 94.
That's like a stone and a half? No, it's nearer two stone, isn't it? Two stone? Oh, my God.
Two stone in a week.
You can tell.
That's nuts.
I predicted, over the fortnight, the girls would lose between half a stone and a stone, and the guys would lose between a stone and a stone and a half.
And it's so much more brutal than we thought.
I can't believe you've lost two stone.
Fuck! Sorry to interrupt.
I'd just like to say a few words if that's all right? I've decided to leave the island.
I set out to finish this but it's just, sadly, not going to be the case.
You've been such a great part of the team.
I know that you feel over the past couple of days you've struggled, but we still loved you being here and we really will miss you.
Thanks.
Can I just say I think you've been a wimp and I actually think LAUGHTER I'm joking, I'm joking! Papa to Bravo, Papa to Bravo.
I would like to leave the island.
Over.
DAWN: I think I'm just emotional.
While the group reel from Thom's announcement, Mark puts the blame for the lack of food firmly at one man's door.
Unless somebody takes charge soon, then we're going to be in serious trouble.
You can't have a lazy leader.
You know, you need someone who's going to push people.
We're losing a member, a team player, who isn't lazy, would be prepared to work hard because he just hasn't eaten food.
My safety boat arrives to take Thom off the island.
Take it easy, man.
See you on the other side.
I'll miss you.
Stick in there, all right? Keep it up.
Cheers, guys.
All the best.
Goodbye, sir.
Been a pleasure.
He's such a lovely guy.
I just wish we could fill his belly with food and keep him here.
He's a real loss.
Look, he can barely get on the boat.
Aw, bless him! DOM CHANTS: Give him a sandwich! Give him a sandwich! APPLAUSE I'm so jealous.
That's the most horrible feeling ever.
You just feel that you're worthless in a way.
It really was just the toughest thing I've ever done hands down.
This really is make-or-break for the group.
They've lost two people in a week and there are worrying signs others are faltering.
If they want to stop a mass exodus, they've got to find food and fast.
Something has got to change, otherwise we really are doomed.
Determined to take matters into his own hands, Mark calls an emergency meeting.
DOM: Oh, god, here we go.
So I would like to propose that a new person is elected to lead us forward or we're going to survive this.
Is this a coup? I would like Dawn to be in charge.
DAWN: I definitely don't want to be leader.
I'm not assertive enough.
Hands up anybody who would like to be leader? Yeah, who'd like to be leader? OK, this attempted coup has been quashed.
There will be no repercussions.
But we're starving to death.
I would rather be led by somebody from the front, a fighter.
You want to be president, you're gagging to be president.
You're missing the point.
OK, but you've raised this three times now.
So if you want to be a leader, absolutely go ahead with it, but if not, let's move on.
OK, I'll take it on tomorrow morning.
Great.
We'll look forward to it.
I think Mark will be utterly fucking useless, but what do I know? I haven't run a hotel in Torquay.
I will look for full efficiency from everything, you know, cos I'm not going to fail as leader.
Oh, they're going to hate me tomorrow.
Next time: Holy moly, you have been mullered.
People are broken.
Fuck! Just like watching zombies.
It's a group discussion.
We all decide what we're going to do.
No, it isn't.
It is.
Not today it isn't.
I'm president.
Guys, stop.
Both of you, OK? I said power was going to go to his head.
I knew it would.
When you're at the top, the only way is down.
One in two of us will get cancer in our lifetime.
Help us to change these odds.
To donate?10 text FIGHT to 70404 or to donate online, go to channel4.
com/su2c 100% of the money you will give will go directly towards funding vital research.
In 21st-century Britain we have it pretty easy.
But by their own admission, modern-day celebrities have it easier than most.
I love oxygen treatments.
I want to find out how these celebrities will cope when stripped of their luxury lifestyles.
Absolutely beautiful.
And left to fend for themselves in the wild.
It's the glamour of showbiz.
I've abandoned ten British celebrities on a remote desert island in the Pacific.
Tastes like piss.
Fish piss.
I have OCL - Obsessive Compulsive Laziness.
Marooned in just the clothes they stand up in and with a handful of basic tools.
I don't want to circumcise myself.
Oh, my God, Mark, Mark, please do it.
Alone with four camera operators.
Hi, I'm Tom.
They will film everything themselves.
This is a Josie Long.
I'm desperately trying not to flash my bum to you.
They'll only eat what they can hunt down I got a fish.
Oh, my God.
.
.
and kill.
Now I feel like an explorer.
Oh, thank you, darling.
This is proper real.
Deprived of all of the creature comforts I haven't taken a shit since we've got here which is slightly concerning.
.
.
they take for granted.
Positivity, positivity, positivity.
Will they have the determination This is going to hurt.
.
.
and the strength We have no water.
We have no BLEEP water.
.
.
to survive.
Don't move.
We are so, so BLEEP.
We've been out here for hours and hours.
As part of this year's Stand Up To Cancer campaign, ten celebrities have embarked on the toughest two weeks of their lives.
They're all taking part for free and donating their fees to the charity.
My sister died of leukaemia and my dad died of cancer.
I know loads of people that have died of cancer and it's just crazy.
It's the big C, isn't it? It's the big fear.
So if I can do anything to help for that, that's great.
Since I dropped them on the island four days ago I honestly feel like we're in BLEEP Jumanji.
.
.
they elected Dom Joly as a leader.
I was expelled from school and look at this.
Running my own country now.
They've made fire Oh, my God.
Yeah.
.
.
and discovered a beach with a water source.
It's freshwater.
That is freshwater.
But they've yet to relocate there from their temporary camp.
We'll leave first thing tomorrow morning.
Despite the promise of better times ahead My throat is cutting up.
.
.
the island has pushed pop star Aston to the brink.
I didn't expect it to be this hard.
It is pretty hard-core.
Oh, no, it's fully hard-core.
It's the group's fifth morning on the island.
I'm so hungry right now I could Josie's butt.
Juicy.
I'd settle for a coconut.
They said three gives you diarrhoea, doesn't it? At the moment I'd eat diarrhoea.
The celebrities have secured two basic survival tools.
They've made fire and discovered a freshwater source.
And that's definitely bought them a little bit of time.
But they've hardly eaten anything and the reality is they're getting weaker by the minute.
And if they don't find food soon, what is a hard situation is going to become an awful lot worse.
Can we wear machetes? Who's wearing machetes? The group's plan is to relocate to their new beach and water source as soon as possible.
Let's do this, team.
But before they can leave, Aston calls a meeting.
I just feel that I'm not being 100% myself in here and I'm just quite miserable to be honest.
I came into this, I think, very naive.
And I'm just going to go home.
Is there anything any of us could do? How I'm feeling now, no.
This isn't my environment.
I'm better off in a studio writing songs and choreographing dance routines that may seem piss easy to a lot of people but it's a different type of endurance and it's something that I've trained myself for since I was, like, 15 years old.
I just want to be sure, like, Aston is that your actual final decision? Listen, I don't really want to do anything that I don't want to do.
We all want to leave frankly.
You know, I'm not enjoying this, I'm BLEEP hating every second of it but I'm going to try and hack it as long as I can.
I really believe if you don't like stuff just quit, get out of there.
Having said that, I've wanted to and I haven't and I think Aston is a bit of a chicken.
I'm devastated.
I'm struggling myself and actually contemplated going too.
Presidente.
I feel like I'm a broken man.
We'll miss you.
Have fun.
The rest of it's going to be a holiday.
You're missing the best bit.
Bye.
Love you guys.
Love you.
Take care.
It's just heartbreaking.
Because we're just in this position where we'll be able to get ourselves set up.
It's just not good if people go.
Buy, Aston! When one person quits, it really can descend morale crashing.
And the danger is that others then follow.
And in this situation, it's essential for the group to stay positive and concentrate on the basic survival priorities.
Water, shelter, food.
Marvin would have hacked it.
THEY LAUGH HE CLUCKS Right, without putting too fine a point on it, we need to crack on.
Yeah, let's go.
Having been delayed by Aston's departure, leader Dom wants the group to set off for their new home as soon as possible.
Look out.
Got it.
We're not far off here.
One of these termite things burn for ages.
There's a huge one in the tree.
I reckon we can carry the fire in it to where we're going next.
Three, two, one.
Yes.
Termites down! The fire will be essential for purifying water once they reach their new camp.
You're carrying a fucking lit termite mound through the jungle.
How cool is that? Right, are we all already and raring? Mm-hm.
Can I sit down? I feel like I'm not breathing properly.
Just as the group are about to leave, former Blue Peter presenter Zoe has a wobble.
Are you OK? Can't really breathe properly.
Oh, darling.
Can you feel your heart going? Yeah, my heart's racing.
I mean, she's pretty thin anyway so I just think it's really tough for her.
I think she's having a really, really bad time.
Just breathe and open your mouth.
I'm quite worried about her actually.
This walk's not really good for her at all.
She needs some food.
You're fine, darling.
But just be careful today.
All right? After checking Zoe's vital signs, Dr Dawn thinks she's fit to travel.
Do you want to carry that or? Oh, yeah, I'll do what over, yeah.
I'll take the water.
As long as she doesn't over exert herself.
We are all knackered, starved, and dehydrated.
Yep.
If you start feeling a bit faint or dizzy, the best thing you can do for the team is to say that you need to stop.
This is it.
If termites don't work, we're in trouble.
Woo! It's moving day.
To relocate to their paradise beach and water source, the group must carry their kit across 2km of arduous jungle terrain.
Exhausting.
As president, I name this hill El Bastardo.
Dr Dawn and cameraman Ali have taken responsibility for the group's most precious cargo.
Is it out now? It's not out.
There's still an ember in there.
What we're going to have to do is just check this stick every few yards cos I dropped it cos the stick broke.
Let's go.
The quicker they can get to the new camp, the better their chances of saving the fire.
And we've got to wait for Zoe, guys, guys, guys.
Come on, Zoe.
How's Zoe? She's very tired.
Already? Yeah.
Do we think Zoe's going to be able to do this? She'll have to.
It's so exhausting when you're already exhausted.
I'm just going to lie down just for a few minutes.
Has that gone out? Yeah, it looks like it has.
Shit.
While waiting for Zoe, the group have lost one of their embers.
Dom, you're our last hope at the moment.
You're the only fire left.
I sense some pending doom.
Go on, then, guys.
OK, Ollie.
You're all right, Zoe? How are you feeling about cracking on? Oh, yeah.
I'm ready, I'm ready.
It's now a race against time to save the remaining fire.
Avoid the middle of the gully cos it's quite slippy and deep.
The group are more than halfway to their new beach.
I'm dubious about getting all the kit down here.
Cheers.
SCREAMING Oh, shit, are you all right? Oh.
Who's down? Josie.
Shit.
Oh, my God, Joe.
Comedienne Josie has fallen heavily while carrying a camera down the gully.
I just bashed my knee.
It's so stupid.
Right, I'm really sorry but we've got to take loads and swap things because it's getting too much.
People are getting exhausted.
Zoe, you're going to have to take the camera for a bit.
Lydia, I'm very happy to.
Please don't ever think that I wasn't.
Everyone's falling over and it's not fair.
No-one is offering to help.
Well, this'll be very clear.
I've offered the whole way.
I think you have a problem with me.
No, I don't have a problem.
Well, it sounds like you do.
People are, like, exhausted.
Exactly, and I've offered the whole way.
I'm just saying that I never heard that.
Well, I'm sorry, that you didn't hear it.
But I have said it.
Guys, we're all so knackered and we're all just hitting each other.
Exhausted.
I know, I know, so let's just keep it nice, tolerance.
Yeah.
Everyone all right? OK, let's go.
How are you feeling? Fucked.
I'd like to announce that you can hear the sea.
It's downhill all the way to Neverland.
Two hours after setting out, the exhausted group finally make it round the last section of headland.
CHEERING Wow.
Oh, my God.
I love this place already.
Welcome to our garden, guys.
Wow.
This is more what I was promised on the brochure.
Is this like your back garden in the Cotswolds? This is very like the Cotswolds actually.
We suddenly turned up in what is pretty close to paradise.
We've got five coves, beautiful beaches, we've got a lovely campsite here with really amazing trees and stuff.
It's beautiful.
Here we go, guys.
Pray.
Come on, fire.
Yes.
CHEERING Humble people, this will be our new capital.
Hooray! Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow.
Shit, that's hot.
Ow.
I'm so positive now.
Everyone's so happy that we've found a camp.
You know, it's perfect.
We've got a lovely scenic view.
Everyone's spirits and morale have just been lifted like that.
I am feeling jubilated.
I was honestly considering packing in and I'm not even afraid to admit that.
And I really feel like we've turned a page and it's only going to get better from here.
I feel fantastic.
I feel fantastic.
Oh, for fuck's sake.
Do you not fancy a swim, Mark? No, it wasn't on the itinerary for me for today.
As the group celebrate their new camp, Mark is worried they've lost sight of the bigger picture.
We've had no food now for four days.
There doesn't really seem to be a priority for the basics.
As long as you can have a swim, then everything's great.
But if you haven't got food, shelter and water, the happiness isn't going to last very long, is it? Fucking starving.
When does the sun come up? What? Morning.
SHE LAUGHS It's quite odd, cos every time I wake up and look down at Zoe, I think she's died in the night cos she sleeps in the recovery position.
We call it Crouching Tiger, Hidden Salmon.
Oh, God, just the idea of salmon.
I shouldn't use that word.
We shouldn't call her Salmon, should we? That's delicious.
Because she suddenly sounds edible.
SHE LAUGHS It's the group's first morning in their new camp.
They now have fire and a sustainable water supply This is what they call island tea.
It's basically alligator urine and bug piss.
.
.
but they haven't eaten a single proper meal in five days.
'I'm a guy who has about five meals a day.
' My body has just never, never had this feeling of of lack of energy.
'I'm in a mess.
' Right, shall we have this meeting? What do we think our priorities are today? I think it's food.
Food.
Do we all agree with food? ALL: Yes.
Is there anyway we could order a pizza? OK, so who's doing what? Me, Tom and Joe are gonna go fishing.
Oh, we need yucca search as well.
We should get a yucca team.
Is that all right? Yeah.
Yeah.
Tom, how are you today? I dunno.
I don't know.
Tom is really struggling.
He's got no body stores at all.
He started this journey with 5% body fat.
I hate to think what he's got now.
Tom, listen, I'm talking medically now - your calorific requirement to function is completely different to mine.
Partly, you're a guy.
But you're also so lean You're built like a horse.
.
.
and muscle needs more calories than fat.
So you NEED it.
I think it is gonna get better, Tom, and we are gonna get some food.
We'll feed you up.
Right, shall we crack on? Yes.
The human body has evolved to cope with both feast and famine.
So when there's no food, the body turns its own fat into the fuel.
But once those stores of fat are gone, the body then starts to consume its own muscle, and those with the lowest fat reserves are hit the hardest first.
Ready, guys? Let's do it! Having lost Aston yesterday, the group are determined to find food so they don't lose Tom as well.
Yucca, yucca, yucca, we're comin' to get ya.
I've ensured the island has enough water, vegetation and indigenous animals to keep them alive.
But if they want to eat, they've gotta find it, catch it and kill it.
Little bugger.
Hey! I got it.
There's gotta be some big crabs around here.
I'm now in fishing mode.
I'm a real quite hardcore fisherman.
I may wear pink and stuff, but actually, I'm a hardcore fisherman.
Despite being on his last legs, Tom's determined to join the group's efforts to find food.
If we come back with a bundle of fish today, I think I'll probably cry.
OK, well, let's make you cry.
All right, let's do it.
Since I've stopped playing rugby I've been doing a bit of modelling, underwear stuff.
I've certainly done tougher jobs in the past.
I've been through some pretty intense situations on the rugby field in my time, breaking my neck being one of them.
But if the going's got tough, I've always been one to try and find a way out than just throw the towel in and think it's all over.
Scottish rugby player versus small snail.
Snail wins.
This is mortifying.
Not for me, for you.
Yeah, but, I've just got no energy.
Carbs, carbs, carbs.
In the jungle, Zoe and Karen are on the search for yucca.
Food is just crucial.
We need it, end of story.
BIRD CLUCKS Sh! BIRD CLUCKS (Oh, my God, did you hear that?) BIRD CLUCKS Zoe, Zoe.
There it is.
Oh, there it is.
The pair have stumbled across a turkey in the undergrowth.
What's the worst a Turkey can do, just bite me? Yeah.
That's fine.
Just be a bit aggressive, but that's all it's gonna do.
That's fine.
Right, I'm going in, I'm going in.
If they can catch it, it will provide a much-needed meal for the entire group, and vital calories for Tom.
Oh, no, he's gonna jump.
Oh, man.
Oh, my God.
TURKEY CLUCKS Come here, my little turkey, turkey, turkey.
SHE MOANS Oh, careful.
SHE GROANS Where did you go? SHE GROANS We have to get to this.
I've got it! I had it.
Oh, shit.
SHE SCREAMS Oh, dammit.
The minute you go to put your hands on them, they just go.
They just go.
SHE GROANS Come here, din-dins.
God, it's so sadistic, isn't it? On the rocks, the fishing party are braving the midday heat, determined to get a bit.
Come on, fishy, fishy.
Here fishy, fishy, fishy.
Look at this fish, guys.
Holy shit, we got a shark here.
Fuck, guys, quickly, quickly.
Here he comes, here he comes.
That would feed the entire camp.
Give me a knife, I might fucking jump from here and just stab him.
I don't know where it's gone.
It's shallow water, I can just fucking jump in and stab him.
It's coming round again.
Where's the knife, seriously? I haven't got it.
Where's the knife? I'll just jump from a height and stab him.
I haven't got the knife, sorry.
How's he gonna see that coming? What is he? He's dinner, that's what he is.
Guys! Yes? We're in.
Oh, my God.
We're in.
Yes.
Oh, my God, what do I do? Oh, fuck, he's gone.
Fuck! Fuck.
Shit.
The near miss is the last straw for Tom.
Shit.
After an exhausting morning, the islanders return to camp empty-handed.
How are we doing? Oh, good news and bad news.
We were in the company of turkeys.
I had my hands on one, caught it.
You're kidding me.
What? Bad news is, it got away.
Oh.
I just wanted everyone to have dinner and I'm so bitterly disappointed that I've come home empty-handed.
Especially for Tom.
It's fucking repulsive.
Well, you'd never go into a restaurant and order fucking limpets.
All the group have for lunch is the leftover bait.
Sadly, only three calories each, I think, roughly.
Is that helping at all? Not really - it's just not enough.
Like .
.
I've never felt this low.
But I can't just sit around and not help.
He needs food.
I literally just can't even move now.
Oh, my God.
Fucking hell, Tom.
Tom? You with me? Yeah.
Do you wanna sit down? Yeah.
Yeah, just sit down.
Too weak even to stand up, Tom is confined to camp by Dr Dawn until the group can revive him with a decent meal.
He's just so drained.
I mean, literally can't move.
He's like this big monster that just wants to help, but his body says, no.
Let's do it, guys, come on.
We all have a vested interest in feeding him.
Because we don't wanna lose him.
While Don and Zoe resume the hunt for carbs Oh! Lost the string.
Oh, that's so annoying.
.
.
Lydia and Josie are fishing with improvised rods, using the hooks I provided.
I'm so hungry.
I've never, ever gone in my life more than one day without eating food.
'I just feel frail.
' I can feel the bites, but it's only little ones.
For me, image is very important.
I know that might sound quite shallow, but I feel happier when I look incredible.
I have no deal deodorant, no toothpaste.
Oh, you're not very good with smells, either, are you? That is my thing.
Sometimes, people think that a lot of us Towie cast and, you know myself, are from really rich families and stuff.
But I'm from a very working class family.
You know, I'm not afraid to work hard.
I want to go on the island with no make-up and no glitz and glam, and show them that I can survive.
You've put on loads of weight lately.
Maybe this thing's quite good for you so you can lose a bit of weight.
How dare you? SHE YELPS You OK? What's happened? I've got the hook stuck on my finger.
Shit.
SHE WHIMPERS Ooh, it's really hurting me.
I think it's gone through my knuckle or something.
I don't know how I'm gonna get that out.
Dawn will get it out.
Fuck sake.
Lydia heads back to camp to get help.
Fucking got a fish hook in my finger.
Oh, sweetie.
Oh, my God.
It may not look like an emergency yet, but out in the tropics, even the smallest of injuries can turn life-threatening.
And when it's hot and humid, open wounds are almost impossible to heal.
And that's why it's vital you act quickly.
Once infection sets in, then you're in serious trouble.
We need to get Dawn.
Would you be able to search for her? Yeah, yeah, I'll go find her.
I be back in a bit, Lyds.
Dawn? Dawn? Dr Dawn's been out in the jungle looking out for yucca for the past two hours.
Fuck, I'm not built for this.
HE PANTS Dawn?! Dawn?! Da-a-wn? Fuck.
Fuck! TURKEY CLUCKS It's a fucking turkey.
I'll come back for you.
You stay there.
Stay there, Turkey.
OK? Cos we're gonna fucking eat you tonight.
I'm just going to get the doctor first, so stay.
Fuck.
Dawn? I thought I heard somebody I thought it was a voice.
.
.
shout something.
Dawn? Hello? Hi, Dawn.
Yes? Where are you? Going downhill.
Yeah.
Lydia's got a look in her finger.
You're joking me.
OK, I'll come back.
The fucking shit thing is, I've just passed two fucking turkeys on the way.
You're kidding me.
No.
OK, where's Lydia, in camp? In camp.
OK.
It's like the ugliest finger accessory in the world.
It's swollen up.
Where is she? Just over there.
Oh, thank God.
I'm here.
Dawn.
Bless you.
We're not gonna pull it out now, are we? No, no, no, I won't do anything without telling you.
You have to tell me what you're gonna do.
I promise you.
OK.
The fish hook's barb makes it almost impossible to pull out without causing more damage.
Papa to Charlie, Papa to Charlie.
Over.
'This is Charlie, go ahead, over.
' So she's got the barb in the pulp of her finger.
Erm, I would be happy to push that on through.
So I just wonder whether we've got any ice to freeze it? 'I think it's probably appropriate I come over over.
'And then we'll take it from there.
Over.
' Thank you.
Out.
It's a fucking disaster.
At Dr Dawn's request, my safety team bring medical supplies to help extract the hook.
SHE GRUNTS Sorry.
Sweetie? You're gonna be just fine, all right? Oh, my God, it's pulling.
You're all right, you're all right.
Brilliant.
Ah! Stingy! Stingy? Right, this is gonna hurt.
No, no, no, no, no.
I'm definitely not ready.
Yes, you're ready.
Yes, you are, honey.
SHE SCREAMS Oh, my God, it's sore.
It's all right.
Oh, my God.
SHE SCREAMS Oh, my God, it hurts so much.
Is it out? Is it out? No, no, no, no.
SHE SOBS Right, Lydia, it's stuck in there now.
OK, it's not gonna come out easily.
Will it be less painful for me if I go to hospital? But if we carted you off to hospital, erm, you're basically off the island.
SHE SOBS If it didn't come out that easily on that attempt, it's going to really, really hurt if I try and do it again, my love.
OK? Lydia has impaled her finger on a fish-hook.
It has not come out on the first attempt easily.
It's too embedded.
It's so painful.
It's one of the most painful things that ever happened in my life.
If we carted you off to hospital, you'd basically be off the island.
I don't care.
Right.
It's a really fine needle.
Lydia agrees to let medic Mike make one last attempt with local anaesthetic.
I swear.
It really is.
Tiny, tiny, tiny needle.
I think when you become attached to people in places like this, where it's so remote, you need the closest thing to your family, and that is your closest friends.
Without Lydia, I'm going to be in real trouble.
You'll feel pressure and a weird feeling but you shouldn't feel pain.
OK.
OK, mate.
I can feel that a little bit.
It's just there, isn't it? It's all about not leaving a big wound in this environment.
Oh, guys.
LYDIA SCREAMS Out.
Out.
All done.
Thank you.
I'm sorry if I was a bad patient.
That scream was insane.
It was horrible.
It was like a child labour scream, that.
Poor thing.
Lydia's able to stay but the incident has wiped out a whole afternoon's worth of hunting Shit.
I should have tried to grab one at least, should I? .
.
and the turkeys spotted by cameraman Ali earlier have vanished into the jungle.
Fuck.
I told them to stay.
Everyone's so hungry.
Probably due to my stupidity.
Part of me had actually wanted to cry but I'm honestly too fucked to even do that.
And that's no word of a lie.
You laid a huge log there, Dawn.
I certainly did.
A week in, and the islanders still haven't eaten a single proper meal.
I'd eat poo on a stick right now.
You'd eat poo on a stick? How's my hair looking? Fuck your hair, Lydia.
Would you eat poo on a stick right now? I think I would.
That is what little dignity we have left in our lives.
Poo on a stick.
I just think everybody would be happier living in a place that feels like home.
People are cleaning and it's making me feel very uneasy.
I've got to go and lie down.
Before the group resume their search for food, Dr Dawn wants everyone to help tidy the camp SHE SCREAMS Oh, my God! There's all bugs on me! .
.
in the hope it will boost morale.
Are you happy if we put the beds away, Dom? I was going to lie down for a little bit.
You can lie down in your bed.
We'll put the others away.
I think she's cracked.
It's when OCD attacks.
It's great.
It's what lazy people like me You wait for OCD people to crack and do everything and they'll say, "Well, if you won't do it, I won't do it," but you know an OCD person will do it in the end.
It's brilliant.
Dom was joking about how lazy he is, which isn't ideal for a leader, really.
Not when we're in a survival situation.
Sorry, I'm just feeling nauseous.
It's really come over me quite badly.
I think Don's getting quite a few people's nerves because he does do less than everyone.
Sometimes it's a bit stressful and you see him, like, just not taking the initiative.
There really is no such thing as a good, lazy survivor.
You've just got to get to it and never stop.
And this group is going to stand the best chance of thriving if everyone is pulling their weight.
Physically, they're deteriorating fast and if nothing changes, you really are on borrowed time.
Please can we go bloody fishing now? Yes, let's go.
Come on.
All the fish have a siesta, they all sod off every day.
They probably do.
Listen, no-one's going to fucking die.
Let's fucking enjoy it for a bit cos there's nothing worse than just grumbling AND getting nothing.
If you want to kill yourself, that's great, but not us.
It drives me mental.
You know? Yucca, yucca, yucca Yucca, yucca.
Good yucc.
Guys, good yucc.
Good yucc.
See what she did there? Do you see what she did? Badum-bum-tish! While most of the group head out to find food, Thom's still too weak to hunt.
It's horrible because I've always been, like, a doer and I like doing stuff, especially for the sake of the group, but I physically, like, I can't I can't even function.
I just can't.
No energy.
Nothing.
Mark has recruited Ollie and Zoe to his fishing party.
Come back up a bit.
It only takes one big wave and that'll be it.
Sorry? I was brought up at the seaside.
You know? I know these things.
This is not alien to me.
Have you heard the good news? You're leaving possibly? Is that it? No, somebody else has just handed their notice in.
In my experience, the only one that can do it properly is me.
This looks a mess.
I mean, when I was in the hotel business, I always said if I could clone myself, I would just do everything and get rid of all the staff.
But they're idiots but they're hotel staff.
What do you expect? I've always been the boss.
Join on the end.
Come on! 'I'll be putting in my share.
' I might not know what I'm doing but at least I'll be having a go.
I think we're failing miserably.
I think we're the worst survivors on an island that this island has ever had.
The reason we're failing is due to leadership and we haven't got any.
If we were to go against Dom, would it make our lives harder? I think it might be.
Yeah.
I mean, I wouldn't want to be in an argument with Dom.
I think all hell would break loose.
But seriously, we need to energise ourselves because we're not thriving, we're failing.
We need a new leader.
Try not I was going to say let's try not to disturb all the sediment on the bottom.
Oh.
Sorry.
This is my first time.
While the others hunt, leader Dom has opted to stay close to camp to do the daily water run.
I've got half.
That's about as much as I can carry.
Fuck.
I keep saying to myself, "Don't be lazy.
You've got to get involved.
"Don't let other people do it for you.
" Especially as they've made me leader.
I could try and I don't know.
I'll try and set an example.
HE SIGHS El presidente siesta time.
Oh, this is not right.
No, it's not it, is it? In the jungle, the search for the elusive yucca continues.
You know what? I think Thom's got to the stage where he'd eat his own thumb.
I'd love to find a yucca.
You know, that's what he needs.
Oh, look at that.
Dickhead.
Stupid tree.
Carbohydrate is the most important food for the body and without it your energy levels just basically crash but the good news is these islands are home to the tropics' alternative to the potato, and that's the humble yucca.
But with over 1,000 different species of plant life here, it isn't easy to find.
Do you see sweet, juicy yuccas on the end of that? No.
It's just annoying because they say, "Oh, you know, you'll see it when you see it.
" Look how many trees there are.
I've never seen so many trees in my life.
It's late afternoon.
After an unsuccessful fishing trip, Mark is the first back to camp.
Dom's gone.
Where's Dom? He's not here.
SNORING For fuck's sake.
Unbelievable.
DOM SNORES I've done water already.
I'm not being lazy.
Unbelievable.
SNORING CONTINUES There's no sense of urgency, you know.
We're starving to death, you know, we've got somebody like Thom who's about to collapse at any moment and our industrious president is asleep.
SNORING I'm going to maybe launch a military coup.
We'll see.
What's this, guys? GASP Oh, my God.
Is it the yucca? That does look like yucca.
Oh, my God.
After days of searching, Zoe and Dawn think they've finally made a discovery that could turn around the group's fortunes.
Right, give that a pull.
Right.
That, ladies and gentlemen, is yucca.
Oh, my goodness, I knew it.
So relieved.
We've brought home the carbs.
What have you got? You've got yucca? A lot of it.
Bloody hell.
CHEERING But this is just the start of that.
Oh, my God.
Buzzing.
Today is yucca day.
Who knows, maybe the couple of spoonfuls of yucca that we will have will really reenergise us and I'm really happy for everyone, especially for Thom.
Look at this one.
Look at this one.
It looks like a penis.
LAUGHTER With a genital wart.
I know.
We've decided it needs to go and see Dawn from Embarrassing Bodies.
Oh.
After a week on the island So excited to taste it.
.
.
the group are about to eat their first proper meal.
Is that the best thing you've seen for a little while? Sure is.
Look how everyone's cheered up.
I'm on the verge of tears.
We're going to be carbed up.
Leader Dom is given the privilege of trying the first bite.
It's just wood.
Taste that bit.
It's fucking wood.
This isn't yucca.
We've been boiling a tree.
Oh, fuck's sake.
That's just literally a piece of wood.
I can't believe it.
I never like to quit at anything but the thought has certainly crossed my mind.
If we don't find food, I don't know I don't know what else I can do, to be honest, because it's getting worse and worse.
Fucking hell.
Hey, Thom.
You look totally miserable and brooding.
Not now, please, Jo.
I mean it.
Just not now.
Having a little moment.
Shit, I'm so sorry.
The islanders are reeling from the news that the yucca dinner they'd hoped for is actually inedible tree root.
Even if you boil a shoe, it is edible at the end because it's leather and it will reduce, but wood is fucking wood.
I think what you've developed is a slow-burning wood so it will last longer on the fire.
We've made briquettes.
It's a major result.
In the past seven days, it's fair to say we've had, on average, a maximum of 200 calories.
I'm struggling so much.
I really am struggling.
Fucking hell, Thom.
You look beat, son.
Hmm? My body is just breaking down hour by hour.
But this is just It's just something else.
Worried by Thom's rapid decline, Doctor Dawn decides to find out how much weight he's actually lost using the scales from her medical kit.
So you are 82 kilos.
What were you before? 94.
That's like a stone and a half? No, it's nearer two stone, isn't it? Two stone? Oh, my God.
Two stone in a week.
You can tell.
That's nuts.
I predicted, over the fortnight, the girls would lose between half a stone and a stone, and the guys would lose between a stone and a stone and a half.
And it's so much more brutal than we thought.
I can't believe you've lost two stone.
Fuck! Sorry to interrupt.
I'd just like to say a few words if that's all right? I've decided to leave the island.
I set out to finish this but it's just, sadly, not going to be the case.
You've been such a great part of the team.
I know that you feel over the past couple of days you've struggled, but we still loved you being here and we really will miss you.
Thanks.
Can I just say I think you've been a wimp and I actually think LAUGHTER I'm joking, I'm joking! Papa to Bravo, Papa to Bravo.
I would like to leave the island.
Over.
DAWN: I think I'm just emotional.
While the group reel from Thom's announcement, Mark puts the blame for the lack of food firmly at one man's door.
Unless somebody takes charge soon, then we're going to be in serious trouble.
You can't have a lazy leader.
You know, you need someone who's going to push people.
We're losing a member, a team player, who isn't lazy, would be prepared to work hard because he just hasn't eaten food.
My safety boat arrives to take Thom off the island.
Take it easy, man.
See you on the other side.
I'll miss you.
Stick in there, all right? Keep it up.
Cheers, guys.
All the best.
Goodbye, sir.
Been a pleasure.
He's such a lovely guy.
I just wish we could fill his belly with food and keep him here.
He's a real loss.
Look, he can barely get on the boat.
Aw, bless him! DOM CHANTS: Give him a sandwich! Give him a sandwich! APPLAUSE I'm so jealous.
That's the most horrible feeling ever.
You just feel that you're worthless in a way.
It really was just the toughest thing I've ever done hands down.
This really is make-or-break for the group.
They've lost two people in a week and there are worrying signs others are faltering.
If they want to stop a mass exodus, they've got to find food and fast.
Something has got to change, otherwise we really are doomed.
Determined to take matters into his own hands, Mark calls an emergency meeting.
DOM: Oh, god, here we go.
So I would like to propose that a new person is elected to lead us forward or we're going to survive this.
Is this a coup? I would like Dawn to be in charge.
DAWN: I definitely don't want to be leader.
I'm not assertive enough.
Hands up anybody who would like to be leader? Yeah, who'd like to be leader? OK, this attempted coup has been quashed.
There will be no repercussions.
But we're starving to death.
I would rather be led by somebody from the front, a fighter.
You want to be president, you're gagging to be president.
You're missing the point.
OK, but you've raised this three times now.
So if you want to be a leader, absolutely go ahead with it, but if not, let's move on.
OK, I'll take it on tomorrow morning.
Great.
We'll look forward to it.
I think Mark will be utterly fucking useless, but what do I know? I haven't run a hotel in Torquay.
I will look for full efficiency from everything, you know, cos I'm not going to fail as leader.
Oh, they're going to hate me tomorrow.
Next time: Holy moly, you have been mullered.
People are broken.
Fuck! Just like watching zombies.
It's a group discussion.
We all decide what we're going to do.
No, it isn't.
It is.
Not today it isn't.
I'm president.
Guys, stop.
Both of you, OK? I said power was going to go to his head.
I knew it would.
When you're at the top, the only way is down.
One in two of us will get cancer in our lifetime.
Help us to change these odds.
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