Cheaters (2022) s01e02 Episode Script
Episode 2
1
DISHES CLATTER
DOOR OPENS
Oh, fuck.
Shit. Erm
Erm
Ahem.
Erm thanks, thanks for your text.
It was good to know where you were.
I was worried you might have jumped
in front of a train or something.
Oh, Esther. That's really dark.
Sorry. I'm just trying
to break the ice.
I just, erm,
I needed some thinking time.
Yeah, I get it.
I missed you.
Erm
I, erm
Can I just unpack first? Right now?
Yeah.
You know I can't concentrate on
anything until I've unpacked.
I'll be five minutes, honestly.
MUFFLED MUSIC PLAYS
Zack.
Hey. My love.
I missed you.
I've only been gone four days.
The hardest four days of my life.
Ah, you're going to get
your sweat all over me.
SHE CHUCKLES
Mwah. Oh, I'm starving.
Oh, then you'll be glad to
know it's taco night.
Mm. And then, er,
maybe afterwards, we could, er
Yeah yeah.
I didn't sleep so well last night.
This car alarm was going off in
the street until, like, 4am. Mm-hm.
I was this close to going outside
and going all Street Fighter II
on it, you know?
It's sweet that you think that
I understand what that means.
So, I was going to try and get
an early night. But I guess
You've got some writing to do?
Mm-hm.
OK.
OK. What are you in the mood for?
We could start season three
of Sad Detective? Josh.
It's kind of weird how much, like,
step-sister porn there is now.
I definitely do not remember that
when we were growing up.
It must just be for people with,
like, really hot step-sisters?
I dunno.
Yeah yeah, I'm kind of into it.
You don't even have a step-sister.
Will you stop fetish-shaming me?!
OK.
Right. Quick.
While my mum and your dad are out.
MOANING ON COMPUTER
OK.
I can't.
Was that was that too much?
The role-play? No, it's not that.
I could keep apologising forever.
But I just
I just want things to go
back to how they were.
No, you don't
You don't need
to apologise any more.
I don't even know why I did it.
I was an idiot.
I was a drunk idiot.
But, like
At least erm
I mean, it's not that
it doesn't count, but, like
I think sleeping with a woman is,
like, a different side of things?
I don't know if it is.
Well, I would never have done
that with another man,
other than you. I swear it.
I wouldn't even think about it.
And I think that we're going to
come out of this stronger.
Just me and you.
MUSIC: Stay High
by Brittany Howard
# I already feel
# Like doing it again, honey
# Cos once you know, then you know
# And you don't want to go
# Back to wherever it is
that you come from, yeah
I didn't wake you, did I, honey?
No. I'm just struggling
to switch off.
# At night, where we get to play
# And we smile and laugh,
and jump and clap
# And yell and holler
# And just feel great
# I just want to stay high
# With you #
SHE MOANS
'Night.
What's in Finland?
Well, when I got to the airport,
it was the cheapest flight.
Which turns out, it's because
there's only three hours of daylight
when you're there. You dummy.
Ooh, can you grab those chillies?
There's literally 50
of them in there.
When will we ever use 50 chillies?
They're two quid, though.
Can I come with you the next
time you have a breakdown?
Go and see some fjords?
They don't have fjords in Finland.
That's where they film
Sad Detective.
Oh. Is it?
Yeah, that's that's interesting.
We could go to see where Inspector
Hakkinen found that torso.
I'm glad you, erm,
came back, anyway.
I was worried for a minute
you weren't going to.
Of course I was going to.
I just needed to, you know,
have a think.
Ooh, three-for-two bin bags.
Mm, I love crumpets.
Literally my favourite thing
about moving to the UK.
Not meeting me?
You're close to the top three.
DISTANT GIGGLING
Hey, look.
I saw her last week.
I think she must live
across the street.
Looks like she's got a boyfriend,
too. Let's go say hi!
Well, they look like they're
just coming in from the shops,
let's not bother them.
Come on, they look cool.
They could be our cool friends.
Hey.
Hey, neighbours.
Oh, hey!
Have you guys just moved in?
I saw the van last weekend.
We did. I'm Zack,
this is my wife, Fola.
Esther. And this is my
Josh. I'm Josh.
Mm. Ah!
Hey.
Aren't you gorgeous?
You're a very lucky man, Josh.
No, you're the lucky one. Oi!
Well, no, I'm just saying,
you know, he's a very handsome man.
Oh. You're way too kind, dude.
AMERICAN ACCENT: No, just
callin' it like I see it.
What're you doing?
Was that an American accent?
Yeah. No. I just think we should
probably get in, er
Oh, he's funny, your husband.
Er, boyfriend, actually.
We're not married.
Do you have to go to, like,
special clothes shops, Zack?
I mean, you know,
someone of your size?
Oh, yeah, it's like a secret,
though.
You have to have a password,
they send it to all the big guys.
Oh, no, I don't mean like big.
I mean, big like you know,
Superman or, like, Greek god,
or, like, Thor.
I think, erm, I think my boyfriend
might be hitting on your husband.
Yeah, no, we should, er,
we should let's get inside.
Sure. Er, but, hey, we're having,
like, a house-warming later,
if you want to come?
Ah, mate, we would love to.
But my sister and her wife are
coming round for dinner, so
Bring 'em along. Er
Yeah, that sounds great, yeah.
We'll be there.
Awesome. We'll see you later.
See you later. Awesome.
See you later.
DISHES CLATTER
DOOR OPENS
Oh, fuck.
Shit. Erm
Erm
Ahem.
Erm thanks, thanks for your text.
It was good to know where you were.
I was worried you might have jumped
in front of a train or something.
Oh, Esther. That's really dark.
Sorry. I'm just trying
to break the ice.
I just, erm,
I needed some thinking time.
Yeah, I get it.
I missed you.
Erm
I, erm
Can I just unpack first? Right now?
Yeah.
You know I can't concentrate on
anything until I've unpacked.
I'll be five minutes, honestly.
MUFFLED MUSIC PLAYS
Zack.
Hey. My love.
I missed you.
I've only been gone four days.
The hardest four days of my life.
Ah, you're going to get
your sweat all over me.
SHE CHUCKLES
Mwah. Oh, I'm starving.
Oh, then you'll be glad to
know it's taco night.
Mm. And then, er,
maybe afterwards, we could, er
Yeah yeah.
I didn't sleep so well last night.
This car alarm was going off in
the street until, like, 4am. Mm-hm.
I was this close to going outside
and going all Street Fighter II
on it, you know?
It's sweet that you think that
I understand what that means.
So, I was going to try and get
an early night. But I guess
You've got some writing to do?
Mm-hm.
OK.
OK. What are you in the mood for?
We could start season three
of Sad Detective? Josh.
It's kind of weird how much, like,
step-sister porn there is now.
I definitely do not remember that
when we were growing up.
It must just be for people with,
like, really hot step-sisters?
I dunno.
Yeah yeah, I'm kind of into it.
You don't even have a step-sister.
Will you stop fetish-shaming me?!
OK.
Right. Quick.
While my mum and your dad are out.
MOANING ON COMPUTER
OK.
I can't.
Was that was that too much?
The role-play? No, it's not that.
I could keep apologising forever.
But I just
I just want things to go
back to how they were.
No, you don't
You don't need
to apologise any more.
I don't even know why I did it.
I was an idiot.
I was a drunk idiot.
But, like
At least erm
I mean, it's not that
it doesn't count, but, like
I think sleeping with a woman is,
like, a different side of things?
I don't know if it is.
Well, I would never have done
that with another man,
other than you. I swear it.
I wouldn't even think about it.
And I think that we're going to
come out of this stronger.
Just me and you.
MUSIC: Stay High
by Brittany Howard
# I already feel
# Like doing it again, honey
# Cos once you know, then you know
# And you don't want to go
# Back to wherever it is
that you come from, yeah
I didn't wake you, did I, honey?
No. I'm just struggling
to switch off.
# At night, where we get to play
# And we smile and laugh,
and jump and clap
# And yell and holler
# And just feel great
# I just want to stay high
# With you #
SHE MOANS
'Night.
What's in Finland?
Well, when I got to the airport,
it was the cheapest flight.
Which turns out, it's because
there's only three hours of daylight
when you're there. You dummy.
Ooh, can you grab those chillies?
There's literally 50
of them in there.
When will we ever use 50 chillies?
They're two quid, though.
Can I come with you the next
time you have a breakdown?
Go and see some fjords?
They don't have fjords in Finland.
That's where they film
Sad Detective.
Oh. Is it?
Yeah, that's that's interesting.
We could go to see where Inspector
Hakkinen found that torso.
I'm glad you, erm,
came back, anyway.
I was worried for a minute
you weren't going to.
Of course I was going to.
I just needed to, you know,
have a think.
Ooh, three-for-two bin bags.
Mm, I love crumpets.
Literally my favourite thing
about moving to the UK.
Not meeting me?
You're close to the top three.
DISTANT GIGGLING
Hey, look.
I saw her last week.
I think she must live
across the street.
Looks like she's got a boyfriend,
too. Let's go say hi!
Well, they look like they're
just coming in from the shops,
let's not bother them.
Come on, they look cool.
They could be our cool friends.
Hey.
Hey, neighbours.
Oh, hey!
Have you guys just moved in?
I saw the van last weekend.
We did. I'm Zack,
this is my wife, Fola.
Esther. And this is my
Josh. I'm Josh.
Mm. Ah!
Hey.
Aren't you gorgeous?
You're a very lucky man, Josh.
No, you're the lucky one. Oi!
Well, no, I'm just saying,
you know, he's a very handsome man.
Oh. You're way too kind, dude.
AMERICAN ACCENT: No, just
callin' it like I see it.
What're you doing?
Was that an American accent?
Yeah. No. I just think we should
probably get in, er
Oh, he's funny, your husband.
Er, boyfriend, actually.
We're not married.
Do you have to go to, like,
special clothes shops, Zack?
I mean, you know,
someone of your size?
Oh, yeah, it's like a secret,
though.
You have to have a password,
they send it to all the big guys.
Oh, no, I don't mean like big.
I mean, big like you know,
Superman or, like, Greek god,
or, like, Thor.
I think, erm, I think my boyfriend
might be hitting on your husband.
Yeah, no, we should, er,
we should let's get inside.
Sure. Er, but, hey, we're having,
like, a house-warming later,
if you want to come?
Ah, mate, we would love to.
But my sister and her wife are
coming round for dinner, so
Bring 'em along. Er
Yeah, that sounds great, yeah.
We'll be there.
Awesome. We'll see you later.
See you later. Awesome.
See you later.