Chuck s01e02 Episode Script

Hi, my name is Charles Bartowski.
But you can call me Chuck.
Those are my shoes.
This is my life.
It's filled with spies, car chases computer-stealing ninjas and me saving the day.
Oh, wait.
Wait, I need to go back.
I work at the Buy More.
It used to be pretty boring.
Chuck, get over here, now.
Look at this.
What happened? Oh, way to go, Jeff.
You do realize we don't work for Large Mart? They're our competition.
Can you imagine the shame if some Large Mart fiend or a Costco stooge put out a display on our Buy More green? So this has to come down, right? Yesterday.
Ahem, I now present to you the magic of Morgan.
One, two This is my best friend, Morgan.
He is not a magician.
Everything changed when I got an e-mail from my old college buddy Bryce Larkin.
Bryce have been working for the CIA when he stole government secrets.
Big, important, nasty, you-get-killed-for-having-them secrets.
Next thing I know, these super secrets are downloaded into my brain.
Which means every moment of my life is in danger.
Sorry.
The NSA sent their top agent to protect me.
That's Casey.
He's pretty scary.
He works at Buy More now, as a cover.
So now I must defend the country from assassins No, Casey! Terrorists and shoplifters.
Casey, Casey, no, no, no.
It's just a video game, okay? Lives are not in danger and the country is still safe.
Wow.
Guy's been here 24 hours, and he takes the job way more seriously than me.
- That's because he's crazy.
- Tell me something I don't know.
Oh, hey, Duff.
Nice to see you again, huh? You're not so tough, are you? Oh, you don't like that, huh? Sarah? The CIA sent their top agent too.
Oh, yeah, I know.
Believe me.
She told me to trust her.
But just like any woman, she's got a past.
And she's posing as my girlfriend.
Sarah, what, uh? What are you doing here? I work here now, Chuck.
Damn.
I burnt another batch.
Why are you working here? Surveillance.
I can monitor the Buy More from here while you work.
- It's just a cover.
- Right, yeah, all part of the plan.
Because there's a plan, right? You making gourmet wieners isn't the reason why you joined the CIA and Casey isn't a natural-born appliance salesman and government-secrets locked-in-my-brain thing uh, that's, I'm sure, not a boon for national security.
So I'm hoping that you'll tell me that there's a plan.
We have a plan.
There is somebody who can help.
We can discuss it further tonight.
How about another date? I can pick you up at 8.
Yeah, yeah, I'd like that.
That sounds great.
I'll see you.
Chuck is in.
Send the doctor.
What do you think of this shirt? Another date with Sarah? This is very exciting.
We'll see.
It's not big a deal.
Yes, it is.
She is hot.
Jeepers.
I'd go with the first shirt.
Better with your skin tone.
- Oh, yeah? - Morgan has met her, and I haven't? Yeah, he confides in me, Ellie, you know? He tells me his deepest, darkest secrets, which you could too, by the way.
Here's one: I loathe you.
That's not a secret.
I need to meet this girl.
Tomorrow night, dinner, here.
Uh, whoa.
Little too soon to be seeing the Tron poster.
Not exactly a natural aphrodisiac.
Dinner, perfect.
I'll clear my schedule.
Our most valuable secrets have been sent to an idiot.
At least they weren't sent to his friend.
Operation Chuck.
I can't believe this.
I spoke with Agent Walker.
She'll deliver Chuck to the rendezvous tonight.
Good.
Dr.
Zarnow is on his way to L.
A.
Now.
He's our best, NSA's top scientist.
Well, I hope he can fix this.
- Get in.
- Wow, Wienerlicious really pays well.
Heh, uh, what are we doing? We're going to, like, a movie or some dinner? Not exactly.
What does "not exactly" mean, exactly? So here we are on our date at the Buy More.
Is this part of the plan, or a chance for me to clock in overtime? There's a doctor coming to see you.
He worked on the encoding process for the Intersect.
The computer that Bryce destroyed? The one that's in your head.
He's coming to examine you.
Uh, and does this examination involve say, I don't know, needles or probing of some kind? This doctor is our best shot at helping you.
It's what you want, right? To get the secrets out of your head? Yeah, yeah, of course.
But you're still vague about the probing, and I'd like to know the answer to that.
We've rewired the home-theater room for this test.
When the images start just say what they are.
- That's it? I'm sure you'll find a way to screw it up.
- The doctor's here.
When do I meet him? You don't.
It's important he doesn't see you.
- You're too valuable.
- Thanks.
I'm flattered and totally freaked out.
Dr.
Zarnow? Agent Casey.
Agent Walker.
Thank you for meeting us at a neutral site.
Let's begin.
I don't understand why I can't see my patient.
For your safety, we're keeping Patient X's identity a secret.
- And does Patient X work here? Patient X who knows all the Intersect secrets, works at a Buy More? Ridiculous, of course.
After the tone, the test will begin.
Uh, dog.
Uh, hippopotamus.
Fat guy.
Ugly building.
Really beautiful woman at the beach.
Cardinal One is the top Moscow spy in the White House office of The plot to assassinate President Carter was orchestrated by - the Northrop-Davis voting computers has been approved by the Oceanic Flight 815 was shot down by surface-to-air Work on capitol beneath Denver International Airport reached phase four.
Benedictine agents within the Vatican report that assassin is still out there.
- They'd have been approved by the DNC Okay.
That's a picture of a turtle.
Your patient is phenomenal.
We never imagined this.
What didn't you imagine? One person seeing all the Intersect images.
All our secrets in one mind.
Can you remove the secrets, doctor? Yes, I think I can.
So did I pass the test? You did great, Chuck.
And this doctor guy, he can fix me or? Uh, he's hopeful.
Yeah.
Okay.
Oh, oh, uh, I almost forgot, uh Dinner tomorrow night with my sister and her boyfriend, Captain Awesome.
She really wanted to meet you, so Oh, okay.
Well, that's a good idea.
Meeting the family's kind of a big step, if our relationship were remotely real.
So, uh, if this whole examination thing if it works out, then I guess we're through, huh? Uh, yeah.
Mm-hm.
Okay.
Well, good night.
Good night.
Oh, and, uh, just so you know, um, tonight was probably the best Only second date I've been on in years.
Drive safe.
Hey.
- Hey.
Did you see this? What? - Did you know that Bryce was dead? No, no, I didn't.
Well, are you okay? I don't know.
Um, yeah, I don't know, it's crazy.
I, uh I spent so much time hating him for getting me kicked out of Stanford.
I don't know, really, how to feel.
But it's hard to be mad at him now.
I am really sorry, Chuck.
It's Casey.
I'm at the scene.
No sign of Zarnow's body.
Probably vaporized.
I guess those secrets are staying in Chuck's head.
Well, no sign of anything here.
We're sending the good doctor home in an ashtray.
- Okay, I've got hot dogs to fry.
- And I've got some toasters to sell.
- Feels like a CIA job to me.
- Keep your eye on Agent Walker.
And don't let Chuck out of your site.
He could be next.
This strum bar's sticky on the one.
On the other one, it's fine but on the second - You recalibrated? - You can't trust Sarah.
- Chuck, John.
Big Mike.
How's customer-service training? - Super.
- Fine.
Glad to hear it.
The better my employees, the less I work.
- Very inspiring words, sir.
- Regular call to arms.
Go make him better.
Show me you're assistant-manager material.
Chop, chop.
I gotta nap in an hour.
- Goodbye.
- Goodbye.
So, uh, this the hand-held scanner.
Very expensive piece of equipment.
So is a stealth fighter, and somehow I managed to fly that.
Right, uh, and the gun, you know, kind of works like a - Gun? - Uh-huh.
And it beeps when you scan the bar codes.
Well, if it screamed out loud, I'd be right at home.
I don't want you to have any more private meetings with Sarah, hmm? Um, is there a problem? No problems.
Only solutions.
Well, that sounds very much like the Buy More customer policy that I've notice you have some issue with.
And you know, uh, what I think we're gonna do about that? We're gonna do some role-playing and work on that attitude of yours.
- How about that? Hey, Morgan.
- Heigh-ho.
Ah, hey, there he is.
There's my Johnny-on-the-spot.
Uh, Morgan and Casey, you are gonna do some stuff.
You're gonna be a shopper, and you're gonna be the sales rep.
I'll talk to Big Mike and work on stuff, because he's got other things in store.
All right.
Got it from here.
Uh, excuse me There you go.
So, Chuck, no private meetings with Casey.
- What's with you guys? - Did he tell you the same thing? - Of course he did.
- Is something wrong? The doctor from last night, he was killed in an explosion after he left us.
What? The doctor who was supposed to fix me? Tell me what this is.
L A nasty NSA incinerator.
Special issue.
Designed to eliminate biological traces.
- That's what killed the doctor.
- And guess who works for the NSA.
Why? Why would Casey? He's a killer.
It's what he does for a living.
He tried to kill us.
He'll probably try it again.
Maybe it was orders, maybe he didn't like the way Zarnow looked at him.
Oh, that's nice.
I feel better now, Sarah.
What am I supposed to do? You go back in there and you pretend like you know nothing.
Go.
You can do that, Chuck.
I know nothing, I know nothing.
Got it.
I'm gonna try that again, ready? Do you have any Ramones? No, don't say no.
It's not gonna Okay.
Uh, excuse me, John, how are you doing? Do you have any Ramones here, dude? - Don't tell me you don't Casey the correct response is, "Can we order you the Ramones?" Ramones, man, okay? Just looking for the Ramones.
Do you have Ramones? I love the Ramones and I wanted That's a no on the Ramones, I guess.
Okay.
I don't think that's in the Buy More manual.
What did Sarah tell you, hmm? I know you talked to her.
It's what I do for a living.
No, here it is, on the bottom shelf.
Ramones.
- There you go.
- Thanks.
- Bye.
- I love you.
What did you tell Chuck? That you're a killer.
Was I lying? No.
The only two people that knew the doctor was coming are right here.
And since I didn't cap him, you're under arrest.
- Quick, take the pic.
She's so hot.
Did you get it? Come on.
Let's go put it on the Internet.
- Mr.
Bartowski.
- Hi, Lester.
Uh, Code Zebra.
Linux install at a factory off Ventura, Uh, I'm sorry.
Why can't you and Jeff go? Linux? PC's? We're, uh, Mac guys, Chuck.
Uh, we're IT artists.
Okay, yeah.
Uh, fine, whatever.
I'll be back in half an hour.
- And just tell Casey that I'm on my cell.
- You tell him, I'm not your servant.
You know what? - No, I'm gonna tell him.
I mean, in general, I don't always I Absolutely, I'm going to.
Right now should I tell him? - Hello? - Pull over.
Well, I can't pull over.
I have a home install at, uh Oh, my God.
It was you.
You killed the doctor, now you're here to kill me.
Are you out of your mind? - What happened to you? - Your girlfriend happened.
- Who, Sarah? - She's rogue, Chuck.
She killed the doctor, then she tried to kill me.
- Is she okay? - Yeah, I'm golden.
Thanks.
Why should I believe you? She showed me the bomb, you did it.
NSA incinerator, right? It's an explosive easily purchased on the black market.
What do you really know about Sarah, Chuck, huh? Think.
She's CIA.
She worked with Bryce.
He was rogue, maybe she is too.
She found you in L.
A.
But she couldn't grab you, because I was around.
So she had to wait her chance.
Dr.
Zarnow screwed that up.
If he could pull those secrets, she'd lose the Intersect.
So she had act fast.
Let's go.
Come on.
- I thought I turned that off.
- It's not me.
Is it yours? No.
NSA incinerator.
Run! Aah! Casey.
Casey! You're nervous cooking, babe.
Relax.
- Devon, this dinner has to go well.
- It's gonna go awesome.
You don't know Chuck.
He freaks out when he likes a girl.
Man, ain't that the truth, huh? But you know, practice makes perfect.
How did you get in here? Uh, Chuck's window.
Or as I like to call it, the Morgan door.
I gotta lock the window.
I wonder where Chuck is.
Still think it was me? Why would Sarah do this? She's cleaning the operation.
Cleaning? Eliminating everyone she's come in contact with.
You know where she is? She's having dinner with us tonight.
You're on the next plane to Washington.
- But my sister - Doesn't have a computer in her noggin.
You're the priority.
It's Casey, put me through to General Beckman.
Hey.
Hey, stop.
Well, it's about time.
Chuck.
- Where have you been? - Why? You, uh, surprised to see me? What? Where's Casey? I don't know.
Maybe he's having car trouble.
- Everyone okay? - Yeah, a little hungry, dude.
You're late.
And dirty for my tastes.
And your girlfriend has been just nothing but mean to me.
Huh? Oh, ha.
Look out for her.
So I'm glad everyone's getting along so well.
Yeah, your sister is awesome.
Indeed, hmm? Hey, I've got an idea.
Why don't we actually go out, huh? For pizza or something, someplace public.
With lots and lots of people around.
Uh, Chuck, I've been cooking all day.
Yeah, cooking pot roast, dude, which is my favorite.
Mangia, mangia, let's eat.
Yeah.
Sit down, okay? And be good.
This looks great, babe.
This looks delicious, Ellie.
Oh, it was nothing.
So, Sarah, let's turn this up a notch.
Personal style.
Tell us something about yourself.
Well, I'm originally from D.
C.
I just moved here.
Oh, Chuck had a friend who lived in D.
C.
Hey, a former friend.
Former because, A, he was a jerk.
And, B, well, he's dead.
Heh.
The girl Chuck was dating before you, he stole her.
Ugh, I just don't know how anyone could choose Bryce over Chuck.
Hi, I'm John Casey.
I moved in upstairs and I thought I'd bring something over.
Oh, come in.
Chuck, you didn't tell me you were bringing another friend.
Hey, hi, yeah.
It slipped my mind that my friend John Casey was coming over and we work at Buy More together.
Morgan, you know John.
I was telling him we were gonna have a get-together, the more the merrier.
Pull a stunt like that again, I'll kill you before she can.
You kidder.
- We're gonna need another chair.
Okey-dokey.
I'm crashing the party.
Maybe I should I'll get it.
Strange.
NSA ran a check on Sarah Walker, see what we had.
She posed as a French diplomat.
Infiltrated the inner circle of an arms deal.
- Killed the entire circle.
- With a bomb? We don't know.
Her alias was Elana Truffaut.
They were poisoned.
- At dinner.
- Wonderful.
Hey, sis, chair.
Ta-da.
- Thank you.
Yeah.
Wow, Chuck, wow.
I mean, I knew that you had it in you, but she is Wow, she's really great.
Yeah.
She's unpredictable.
Hey, listen to me.
You have no reason to be nervous, okay? You have a great girl out there.
I mean, she even made dessert.
- Dessert? - Yeah.
Oh, dessert.
Dessert, poison.
Don't freak out.
Stop! We We didn't do a toast yet.
Which I'll do, right now.
Yeah, uh So I'd like to propose a toast to my sister.
To my sister and to a meal that looks so great.
And, Devon, you're great, yeah.
And Sarah, for a great dessert.
To John Casey and his many quiches, which are equally as great.
Mm-hm.
Mm-hm.
- Oh, what about me, Chuck? - For what? And to Morgan, for his great comic timing.
- Thank you, sir.
- Heh Cheers.
Well, you know, that soufflé does look amazing.
- You're right, honey, I can't even - Wait, wait, wait! - Who likes magic? - I do.
- I know a trick.
- Chuck? Oh, Chuck, what are you doing? How the? Whoa, Chuck, that was I knew you could do it, man.
Flambé.
Chuck, look, no matter how stressed out you are it is never okay to murder a woman's soufflé.
Um, you know what? Let me talk to him.
Casey, hey, maybe, uh - Tell me exactly what Casey said.
- Nothing, everything is okay.
Makeup sex.
Nice.
What'd he tell you? You killed Dr.
Zarnow and poisoned a bunch of French diplomats.
They're blaming me? If you're planning on hurting me you should know I have a very low threshold for pain.
- And you believe Casey? - Tell me about the French diplomats.
They were assassins.
They were after me, but I got them.
You know what? I'm kind of glad that I did.
Do you really think my name is Sarah? I never asked you to believe me.
I asked you to trust me.
This doesn't make sense.
If Casey didn't kill Zarnow, then - What are you doing? - I have to go.
Right now.
Uh, I'm sorry, I have to go, but dinner was wonderful.
Gotta go.
Be back.
Yeah.
Yeah, well, uh, I better be going too.
Uh, this has been great, thanks.
Uh, you're welcome.
Mm, I think that went well.
Not great, but it went well.
So, uh, I'm gonna make a little doggy bag and head out my Morgan door.
How about that? Sounds good? Super.
Sarah, wait.
You stay inside.
Do what I say.
Do you think we were wrong? Casey! Hey, don't move.
Zarnow? Good too see you again, Agent Casey.
- Oh, my God.
- Yep, we were wrong.
No, no, no.
He's got Sarah.
We gotta save her.
Brilliant deduction, Nancy Drew.
Pull the tranq dart.
Oh, I have a very strong aversion to needles.
- Do it.
- Okay.
That was the doctor, right? He's not dead.
And the sun sets in the west.
Nothing gets by you.
One, two, three.
- What's he gonna do with Sarah? - He's gonna torture her.
Until she tells him all about you.
Come on.
We hurry, we can catch them.
- All right, where are we going? - I laced my quiches with microbots.
- You're not kidding, are you? - I don't kid about quiche.
We can trace them using the car's tracker.
I think that only comes in the sports package.
We made some enhancements when your car was in the shop.
- I've got a signal.
Let's go.
- All right.
Hey, hey, Casey, Casey.
Wait a minute.
Why would he bring Sarah here? I don't know.
You wait here.
Damn tranq dart.
- Come on.
- Oh, God.
Hey, wait, no, idiot.
It's Morgan.
He ate your quiches.
We're on the wrong trail.
Come on.
I got nothing.
Then, what do we do? It's over, she's gone.
No, no.
This is our fault.
We didn't believe her.
We have to save her.
If you were bad guy, what would you do? Fly Sarah out on a plane? Would you use a boat? A what? A chopper.
From a small airfield near the water.
The closest I could find.
Do a satellite search using the touch screen.
Then maybe limit that to airfields that are within range of us and then maybe limit that by if there's activity on the ground.
That's not bad.
Thanks.
Yeah, I was kind of, you know, spitballing.
Kind of top-of-my-head.
Was thinking Found it.
Port of Los Angeles.
- Floor it.
- Okay.
This is how this is gonna work.
I'm gonna go over there rescue Sarah and capture Dr.
Zarnow, shoot anybody who gets in my way.
- You, you're gonna stay here.
- So in this plan, I basically do nothing? - Yep.
- Let's do this.
All right.
All right.
Now we wait.
Stay in the car.
Stay in the car.
Do not leave the car.
Do not leave this car.
Sarah, are you okay? What are you doing here? Stupid question.
Uh, should I? - Sorry.
- Chuck, you have to get out of here.
- No, I'm here to save you.
- You shouldn't be here.
- Besides, I have this well in hand.
- Yeah, it looks well in hand.
Just find me something to pick this lock.
Right.
Okay.
Here, here, here.
- Go, go, go.
- Tape, tape.
The helicopter is ready, Agent Walker.
This is your last chance.
We're going to a special facility where they're going to torture you.
Really torture, not this child's play.
Or you could just tell me.
Who is Patient X? Something for the flight.
- Oh, crap.
Run! Oh, crap.
I know you.
I know your secret.
You've been feeding American science to North Korea for years.
Ah, Patient X.
To think that my secrets are in that head of yours.
It's an honor, really.
Of course, to hell with honor.
I'm here for the impressive dollar figure the human Intersect will fetch.
Who will I offer you to first? Sarah Don't worry, Agent Walker.
I'll take good care of him.
Don't.
They have Chuck.
Proceed to bravo coordinates.
The ship will be waiting there.
It's about 10 miles offshore.
Fifteen-minute flight.
Huh? Don't move.
You must be kidding.
I want you to land the helicopter right now.
- It's heavier than you thought.
- What? The gun.
It's heavy.
Don't, don't.
Give me back the gun.
- I'm not giving you the gun.
You shot the pilot, you idiot.
I didn't mean to do that.
What's happening? Who's flying this thing? - You're going to kill us both.
Come on, Chuck.
Let me go.
Get your hands off of me.
Get off of me.
Oh, God, that's a crane.
Oh, my God.
Oh, my God.
I think Chuck's flying the chopper.
Oh, my God.
Oh, my God.
- Oh, my God.
Hi, yeah, I'm here.
- I told you to stay in the car.
Forget about the car.
Tell me how to fly a helicopter.
All right.
There's a collective and a cyclic control.
- What? - One's the stick.
One looks like an emergency brake.
Grab them both.
Okay, okay, I got it, I got it, I've got them.
Oh, my God.
Oh, my God.
This is not working.
Push the stick a bit forward while doing the same thing with the emergency brake.
- Ground, not good.
- Pull up, pull up! Pull up on the emergency brake.
Level off.
Level off.
I don't know how to level off.
Listen, moron, you wanna die? Casey, put Sarah on the phone.
Give me the phone, Casey.
Here.
Okay, uh, Chuck? You're gonna be okay.
Now, I need you to focus.
Uh, have you ever played any flying games before? Flight simulators? Yeah, flight simulators, I've done those.
Okay.
Which ones? "Maverick of the Skies," uh, "Stealth Fighter Elite.
" - "Apache Chopper Patrol.
" Great.
Okay, remember that last one.
I want you to pretend like you're playing that game.
You're in your bedroom, you're playing a game and none of this is real.
It's just a game.
It's just a game.
Okay, I can do this.
I can play this game.
Easy, Chuck, easy.
Uh, uh, is this one of helicopters that can turn to a boat? No.
Ease to the right and goose the brake.
They designed the game exactly like the helicopter.
I got it.
I got it.
- Almost there.
A little more to the right.
Easing right.
Easing right.
Goosing the break.
It's just a game.
A big, scary video game.
Oh, thank you, God.
Oh, yes, you are wonderful.
I can't Okay.
And that is how I do that.
Okay, okay, that's how we do that.
Go team.
Seriously, Sarah, up top on that one.
- Palms are sweaty - What the hell were you thinking? Clammy hands, got it, no good.
The secrets that you know are incredibly important.
You compromised everything when you stopped trusting me.
And when you got out of the car.
Listen, I'm sorry, okay? No, it is not okay.
How could you think I was the double, huh? I am not Bryce.
Bryce betrayed everything that I believe in.
If you accuse me of that again, I will walk away.
Mission over.
We all go back to Washington.
And you do not want that to happen, Chuck.
That, you should trust me on.
Way to go, ace, huh? Dad's suit? Yeah, it's my only one.
I'm quite certain he wouldn't mind, though.
You realize that you don't have to go to Bryce's funeral.
Yeah, yeah, I guess.
It's just we had a lot of history.
Even if he did get me kicked out of school and steal my girlfriend.
Well, you've moved on to bigger and better girls.
I don't mean bigger, like literally bigger.
I just mean, um, that I really like Sarah.
I hope you guys work things out, before the next dinner, of course.
I don't know.
I don't know, sis, I I really think I blew it.
Chuck, just try apologizing.
It goes a long way.
Sarah's special.
She's different from your Stanford friends.
Yeah, yeah.
Go.
He flew a helicopter? Your report was rather terrifying, Major Casey.
Do we really have this situation in hand or Mr.
Bartowski be in our care full-time? Well, you know how I feel, general.
But for now, we're in control.
Then Chuck stays where he is.
But, uh, don't get too comfortable, Casey.
The new Intersect will be up and running in six months.
And what happens to Chuck when this is done? Well, you'll do what you do best.
Knock, knock.
Hey, Chuck.
How is everything? I saw you at the funeral.
Oh, uh, yeah, I had to go.
After everything Bryce did, he was still my partner.
Look, I'm not accusing you of anything today.
Yesterday, yes, I may have laid it on a little thick with the accusing.
But I'm really sorry about that.
Instead of not trusting you I should've thanked you for saving my life and protecting the country.
And making really tasty gourmet wieners.
- I'm sorry I yelled at you.
- It was our first fight.
It's a big step, if our relationship were remotely real.
With Dr.
Zarnow gone, Chuck, those Intersect secrets aren't going anywhere.
That means more missions, more danger more secrets you can't tell your sister or friends.
I know that.
Some people wanna be heroes and others have to be asked.
So, Chuck, are you ready? - Yeah.
- Good.
Hi, hope we're not interrupting anything.
Uh, by the way, I thought we'd give that dinner another shot.
Maybe here.
We knew you'd forgive him.
Right, and you realize you all have to eat my cooking.
Give me the 411 on the corn dogs.
What do you think, man? - What do you recommend, buddy? Sarah? Pogos, okay.
Cheers.