Clipped (2024) s01e02 Episode Script
A Blessing and a Curse
1
[DANCE MUSIC PLAYING]
[SERVER] I'm sorry, ma'am.
You said green chile shrimp?
[V] Chicken. A green chile pupusa
with chicken and a black coffee.
If there's nothing else, you
can move on to the next window.
- What do you want?
- Nothing.
- This shit make my stomach hurt.
- You never got anything like that?
Did I ever get sued for two
and a half million dollars?
What do I look like, Microsoft?
You really poked the bear.
I didn't do anything.
According to her, you did a lot.
"Befriended, enticed,
seduced, cajoled, cheated."
Somebody went buck wild on Synonyms.com.
- [HORN HONKS]
- [DRIVER] Come on. Move up!
What do you want me
to do? There's a line!
But I didn't break the law.
Look, it says right there.
"Everything Mr. Sterling
gave me is a gift."
How can she take back gifts?
How is that even a legit lawsuit?
Here it goes:
She's saying he bought
you shit with her money.
"Community property."
But some of this is income from
my work at the Sterling Foundation.
V, you really think Rochelle wants
to drive all the way downtown
[DISTORTED] and face you in
front of a judge and everything?
She doesn't wanna acknowledge you exist.
You just gotta run up
your little white flag
[NORMAL] and tell her you're sorry.
[HONKS]
[DEJA] It's a red light.
- V, you just ran a red light!
- I know how to drive.
I thought we were going to my
house. Why are you driving west?
Are you insane?
- I just wanna talk to her.
- No, no, no, no, no.
You said you wanted me
to read a legal document,
not jump an elderly white lady.
I'm not doing this, V. Take me home.
What is she gonna do when she
sees us pull up at midnight,
put out tea and crumpets?
She's gonna shoot our Black asses.
I'm not Black.
Be whatever you wanna be in
your mind, you look Black.
And even if they just arrest us,
you're trying to
adopt those boys, right?
You wanna explain a fresh
arrest in family court?
Hazards. Hazards!
Listen. Unfortunately,
it is a man's world.
God cursed Eve and all that.
But you can still make
him do what you want.
You need to make him
so afraid of losing you,
he will do anything to
get her off your back.
He used to do that on his own.
You used to make him
feel all Richard Gere.
Now you take the lifestyle for granted.
Look, you have been blessed
with blue chip pussy. Use it.
Make him feel like a big man again.
Blow his fucking mind.
[VEHICLES PASSING]
[PERSON SPEAKS INDISTINCTLY]
[ENGINE RUMBLES, PASSES]
[V] How do I look?
We need to get you that HD
makeup that deflects light.
- [V SCOFFS]
- V, don't go all Fast and Furious again.
You're gonna give him an
aneurysm with that ass.
You're 31. Cream curdles.
Same as playing ball.
They give you 15 years to earn.
Then you gotta find
your own revenue stream.
Lean In, like that bitch said.
I am.
I'm lining myself up to run
the Clippers organization.
[CHUCKLING] Oh, yeah.
From sidepiece to C-suite,
that classic American tale.
[LAUGHS]
Don't take it personal.
They pay the Lakers Girls $85 a game.
It's just not a sector
where women thrive.
[SHOP ASSISTANT] How's
everything fitting?
Fabulous. Thank you so much.
[DEJA] Look, it wasn't
easy for me either.
People think you make bank
veejaying MTV Spring break.
Three summers in South Padre Island,
and I didn't even keep the bikinis.
All I had was my name and
a phone full of rich dick.
And eventually, those
numbers stopped working.
But your name is your moneymaker.
People will buy your shit
if you What are you doing?
They won't miss 'em.
They cost a dollar to
make, and they charge 200.
With that kind of margin,
do you think this hurts them?
Do you think $2.5 million
hurts Shelly Sterling?
There's no such thing as
stealing from a rigged game.
Shelly Sterling is the one who steals.
She rips off her tenants,
and she barely pays taxes.
Anyway, I'm paying for this.
[BUZZER SOUNDS]
Clippers' curse.
- What'd you say?
- My dad says you're cursed.
Messed up the chance
to draft Scottie Pippen,
Reggie Miller and Kobe Bryant.
Every time you did get a
good player, they got hurt.
Danny Manning and Ron
Harper blew their ACLs.
Marques Johnson broke his
neck and never played again.
Team ruins every good player they get.
- Is that right?
- Mm-hmm.
[GAME BEEPS]
Your face is cursed.
Come on, DJ.
Don't worry about that damn kid, man.
[BUZZER SOUNDS]
[SETH] Bleacher Report
wants to profile DeAndre
on how he turned his
free throw game around.
GQ wants something on JJ's haircut.
They can do that without
talking to the players.
No press till we get through playoffs.
[DONALD] Maybe he's
fast, even on his stumps.
Hello, Doc. I'm talking
about Oscar Pistorius.
He shot his girlfriend
through a bathroom door.
[DOC] Listen, we have
to keep it predictable.
These guys are freaks for routine.
CP has to do everything in threes
or he gets very fucking nervous.
If JJ doesn't have a baked
potato at exactly 4:30,
he can't even fucking walk straight.
Let's bring in meditation trainers
like Oprah did with her company.
Create an impenetrable
dome of mental stability.
[DONALD] The gay kid from MSNBC.
He can deny it all he wants.
- He's obviously Sinatra's son.
- [SAUNA GUEST SIGHS]
Google it. Google the eyes.
Did we get disconnected?
Goddamn touch screens.
- Donald, I'm here.
- [DONALD SCOFFS]
You're a deep well, in your head a lot.
A lone hand like the Batman.
I'm the opposite, very social.
Love to talk, to laugh, to touch.
You can think while this is going on?
Some might think we wouldn't get along.
[SETH] You were saying,
Doc, about the, uh
[CLEARS THROAT]
"dome of stability."
[DOC] We're not cramming
for a math test, man.
It's the playoffs.
Our guys need to be human Xanax.
Even with three seconds
on the game clock.
Even with 12 million people watching.
Even with the most prolific
shit-talkers in the world
passionately devoted to making
them trip on their dicks.
[DONALD] America God
shed his grace on thee ♪
- [HUMMING]
- How long does he usually go on?
- Like 20 minutes.
- That's what this country is about.
- Sometimes an hour.
- [ASSISTANT] Sometimes all day.
I think of you as a kind of brother.
An Indiana guy with very
long arms, half a freak.
[DOC] I don't know who
you're talking about.
He can pick his toes
without bending down.
Come on. You know who I'm talking about.
Where is SportsCenter? I just saw him.
[DOC] Call Gary, Donald.
I don't wanna get into trades
until we're closer to
My dermatologist says
everybody's looking at this guy.
- Everybody.
- [DOC] Can you turn it down?
I'm going deaf on my end.
I got this peckerhead put new
surround sound in. Now nothing works.
[DOC GROANS] Donald, just put your
thoughts in an email. I gotta go.
Oh, Jesus. What happened to Joe Piscopo?
- [BRIAN] Comedian Joe Piscopo swaps
- He looks embalmed.
with another known entertainer.
- Mr. Sterling.
- Jesus Christ. What's wrong with you?
Don't you see I'm in
the middle of something?
Hello? Doc?
Now look. You cut me off.
You're not gonna understand because
you don't do anything with your life,
but certain business relationships
require a personal touch.
I needed to see you.
I tried ringing the doorbell,
but you didn't answer.
Did you swallow your fucking key?
What are you doing?
Get up. You're embarrassing yourself.
What is this?
Everything you bought me.
I'm giving it back.
I didn't know it was community property.
I don't know what that means,
"com community property."
You're not being clear.
Remember where we got these?
The Beverly Wilshire, the
Pretty Woman hotel.
Remember at CUT, I didn't even
know that when you order a steak,
- it doesn't come with a potato or anything?
- V.
I was scared to use the hotel robe
because I thought they might charge you.
And then you picked out these.
And you said they made
my smile look so white.
The ones I'd had in were yellow
topaz from Claire's Accessories.
I had nothing when I met you.
You saved my life.
A beautiful girl shouldn't worry
about where the money comes from.
It makes me happy to give it to you.
That's not what Mrs. Sterling
thinks. She thinks I'm a thief.
Why do you worry about
what Shelly thinks?
- She's suing me.
- She's not gonna go through with it.
Honey, come here. Come here.
Now, what are you scared of?
Hmm? Tell me.
I'm scared she's going
to take everything away.
How am I going to survive?
How am I going to live without you?
Shh. Shh, shh.
I'm not going anywhere.
I'll talk to her.
I'll make it all go away.
[V] I love you.
[SHELLY] What's she doing here?
[DONALD] I love you, beautiful.
Now go wait at the Chevron.
Shelly!
[WATER SPLASHES]
[GRUNTS]
What is this?
Are you nuts?
Sixty years.
I have worked so hard
to pretend we had a
normal life for 60 years.
Stop and think what you're doing.
Why don't you take a pill?
These are cherished memories!
These are make-believe.
Two people playing house,
and meanwhile you're out
flaunting your girls all over town.
So everybody knows how pathetic I am.
Nobody thinks that.
- Everybody loves you.
- [GROANS]
- Everybody but you!
- Ow!
I protect you.
I hide your mess.
And what do I get?
You bring it right
back to my front door,
letting her come here in
the middle of the night.
Why did you come here?
I wanted to see you.
- Liar.
- She's just a kid.
- You're my girl.
- She's your girl.
You don't stroke my hair
or pull me onto your lap.
You don't sleep in my bed.
Honey, you're jealous?
Everybody has always
wanted a piece of you.
When I came to Roosevelt,
it was "Donny, Donny, Donny.
Mr. Personality, captain
of the gymnastics team."
And then I saw you in your white
shorts on the parallel bars.
I was jealous of the idea
of any other girl having you.
Shelly, such passion.
If I was smart, I'd go
out and get my own V.
But you're still that boy
on the parallel bars to me.
I don't want anybody else.
I'm your husband.
I'm always going to be.
My little turtle shell.
["ALWAYS" PLAYING ON HARP]
[DONALD MOANS]
Yeah.
[MUSIC ENDS]
[STORE ANNOUNCER] Cashier needed
up front. Cashier needed up front.
[DOC] Elgin.
Hi, Doc.
How are you, sir?
You look
Let's not get into saying
things we don't mean.
No, you do.
I hear you've been able to
do great things with the team.
Have you had a chance to watch us?
Not really.
Twenty-two years
working for Donald ruined
that particular pastime
for me a little bit.
How you doing with him?
You know the mood
swings, boundary issues.
I mean, he's a piece of
work, but I'm managing.
Some things can't be managed.
Hey, why don't you, uh,
let me have you and Elaine down
for one of the playoff games?
It would mean a lot to the guys.
It's good to see you, Doc.
Oh, hey, man.
- Hey, Doc.
- [GRUNTS]
I was expecting you
to be this other guy.
I changed my whole
schedule to avoid this dude.
He does this orgasmic breathing thing.
Oh, I know that guy.
- He never wipes down the elliptical.
- Yeah.
- I miss my home in Boston.
- Mmm.
I gotta have a ten-minute conversation
just to get my car out of valet.
They won't let you self-park.
- Everybody wants a piece.
- A big, friendly piece.
[SIGHS] But listen, you don't
wanna stick around in this building.
You wanna get yourself a
place up in the Bird Streets.
Keanu's up there. DiCaprio.
The bachelors like it
because it's near the Chateau.
- Oh, well, I'm I'm married.
- Right.
Sure.
[WHISPERS] Of course, I brought
in a decorator to redo my condo.
She said she'd never done
such an extensive renovation
without the wife.
Wink, wink.
But you're together, right?
[NORMAL] Oh, yeah. We together.
We good. We good. We good.
Although I do have a habit of
thinking that everything is great,
and then somebody taps me on
the shoulder like this and says,
"Look over there.
- You're totally fucked."
- [CHUCKLES]
It's a fine line between
optimism and obliviousness.
Oh, yeah.
- I saw a great man today at the market.
- Mmm.
Elgin Baylor, arguably one of the
top ten players ever in the NBA,
and he's the first dude to
ever really play above the rim.
And then he went to the Clippers'
front office for a long time.
Today, with a discount
pork cutlet in his basket,
he looked like he'd
had a curse put on him.
Like something had killed
the light in his eyes.
Maybe you heard the Clippers are cursed.
Now, I don't believe that kind of stuff,
I felt like Elgin was warning
me that I had the curse on me too.
I just didn't know it yet.
When people tell you that you're cursed,
they just want you to fail.
Ask me, I think you're doing all right.
Thank you.
- Hey. Let me ask you something.
- Hmm?
How you get the line
on your beard so tight?
I microblade.
Oh.
So, "Why did Jess and
Leslie invent Terabithia?"
Think of what was jacked up in their
lives that made them want to escape
to a magical place.
[PHONE BUZZES]
- [SPEAKS SPANISH]
- Mm-mmm.
[LINE RINGING]
Ten more minutes and
then set the table, okay?
Okay.
- [AUTOMATED VOICE] You've reached
- [DONALD] Donald Sterling.
[AUTOMATED VOICE] Please record
[POTS CLANKING]
Nobody ever passed language
arts dicking around on Snapchat.
[FANS CHANTING] Let's go
Clippers! Let's go! Come on!
- Let's go Clippers! Let's go!
- [CLAPPING]
- Let's go Clippers! Let's go!
- Come on!
Let's go Clippers! Let's go!
- Let's go Clippers! Let's go!
- [CLAPPING]
Let's go, Clippers! Let's go!
[CHATTERING]
Hi. There was a mix-up with my ticket.
I wonder, could you call
up to Mr. Sterling, please?
[GUARD] Our orders already came from the
Sterlings to limit VIP access tonight.
It's getting close to the playoffs.
You understand.
[FAN SHOUTING] Lob city!
[ANNOUNCER] We wanna see
you on the big screen,
so be up out of your seats,
ready to cheer for your team!
And don't forget your bobblehead.
Pick up your bobblehead
[CHATTERING]
[HIP-HOP MUSIC PLAYING]
- You want me to tell you your essence?
- [FOOTSTEPS APPROACHING]
- Andy.
- [ANDY] Whoa!
You all right?
Hi.
Uh, yeah. Just, uh
Just getting my steps in.
- Okay.
- Yeah, okay.
[BIRDS SQUAWKING]
[PANTING, MUTTERS]
- [GRUNTS] Mr. Sterling.
- What are you doing here?
If If I don't answer your calls,
it's because I don't wanna talk to you.
Yeah. I-I know. That's why I came.
Yeah. Um
So V sent a recording to
the front office last night
of a, uh a private conversation
between the two of you.
Uh, it was unflattering.
Why? What's on it?
Uh, maybe I can come
up and play it for you.
Sure, Andy. Pull up a chair.
Let me make you an iced tea.
Just tell me what's on the fucking tape.
Um. It's, uh
It's a fight between you
over V's social media usage,
uh, her propensity for
posting images of herself with
uh, African Americans.
What does it show, Andy?
What's on the video?
[SMACKS LIPS] Actually,
it's an audiotape.
Well, then, actually who cares?
Only that, um
Mr. Sterling, uh, the the
picture precipitating the fight
was of Magic Johnson.
So it might be of public interest,
and, uh, you make certain
statements about African Americans.
What's going on? V sent a tape?
[DONALD] It's nothing, honey.
Andy's giving himself
palpitations over nothing.
- Can I hear it?
- [ANDY] Uh
Jesus, you two schoolgirls wanna go in
a corner and braid each other's hair?
It's gossip. Waste of time.
So, uh, what do you
want me to do with it?
Delete it, you deep thinker.
What about V? She must've
meant it as a threat.
Honey, we took her
tickets. She's sulking.
She's not going to bite
the hand that feeds her.
Andy, honey, you look like raw beef.
Come inside. I'll give
you some sunscreen.
Are there recommended treatments
for people who work on camera,
to perfect the skin's texture?
[RECEPTIONIST] A lot of
our patients have seen
improvement with laser therapy,
but there's no way to make
scarring totally disappear.
I didn't say anything about scarring.
[SIGHS]
[RECEPTIONIST] I'm so sorry.
Dr. Behzadi is running
just a bit behind schedule.
[SIGHS]
[SHELLY] Sorry.
My lawyer referred me to
a Pierce O'Donnell for counsel.
Is there an office back here?
[HOUSEKEEPER] Nay, he
lives in the pool house.
[PIERCE] Oh. Oh, dear.
Did we have an appointment?
[SHELLY] Well, I'm Shelly Sterling.
Damn it. I'm sorry.
I've been missing calls.
[TV PLAYS, INDISTINCT]
Yeah.
Bert told me that this Stiviano
woman has not responded to your suit.
- Do you know if she's retained counsel?
- I don't know.
I only know she has
recordings of my husband,
and Bert told me you are the finest
legal mind in America, is what he said.
Mrs. Sterling, a few years ago,
I had a national
practice, an A1 reputation.
Variety called me "the
Billion-Dollar Litigator."
Please, have a seat.
And I even wrote a book.
It became a bestseller.
Here. Take one.
[CLEARS THROAT]
And then I donated a little
more to a presidential candidate
than is strictly legal,
and everything went to hell.
Multimillion dollars in legal fees,
a 60-day stay courtesy of
the government at Lompoc.
And only by the grace of
God did I have a friend
who was willing to let me live here.
And I think that's why Bert
Fields has sent you to me.
Because you live in a pool house?
Because I know what it's
like to be humiliated
and dispossessed.
I won't let that happen to you.
[BREATHES DEEPLY]
Dealing with V has taken over my life.
She is a bad, bad person.
I got ahold of an audio tape.
[STUTTERS] I listened to it.
She made him say all
kind of awful things.
Put the genie back in the bottle.
That's what you and your
husband are looking to do.
Yes.
But I don't want Donald involved.
[STUTTERS] His judgment
Murky, when it comes to women.
Murky. Precisely.
Well, it's just you and me and
the detritus of my former life.
Why don't we listen to the tape?
He wasn't himself.
[DONALD] Why would you do that?
Are you stupid or something?
You wanna broadcast to the world that
you walk around with a man like that?
[V] Honey, I'm sorry.
I'm sorry too.
I wish I could change
the color of my skin.
No. That's not the issue. The issue is
we don't have to broadcast everything.
I'm not broadcasting anything!
Then why are you taking
pictures with minorities? Why?
What's wrong with minorities?
What's wrong with Black people?
- [CHAIR SCRAPES]
- [V GROANS]
[FOOTSTEPS DEPARTING]
You associate with Black people.
I'm not you, and you're not me.
You're supposed to be a delicate
white or delicate Latina girl.
I am a mixed girl, and
you're in love with me.
I'm Black and Mexican
whether you like it or not.
And you want me to have
hate towards Black people.
I don't want you to have hate.
That's what people
They turn things around.
I want you to love them privately.
You think I'm a racist.
I don't think so.
I think you have an
amazing heart, honey.
But the people around
you have a poison mind.
It's the world.
The Blacks are just treated like dogs.
And is that right?
We don't evaluate
what's right and wrong.
We live in a culture.
We have to live within that culture.
But shouldn't we take
a stand for what's wrong
and be the change and the difference?
I don't wanna change.
If my girl can't do what I
want, I don't want the girl.
There's no need to get upset.
Don't come to my games.
Don't bring Black
people, and don't come.
Do you know that you have a whole
team of Black people that play for you?
Do I know? I support them.
I give them food and
clothes and cars and houses.
Who gives it to them?
Does someone else give it to them?
Do I know that I have
Who makes the game? Do I make the
game? Or do they make the game?
Is there 30 owners
who created the league?
I'm not going to bring any
Black people to the stadium.
Isn't it easy to say that?
It's easy for you to say that.
I would never ask anyone not
to bring someone based on race.
It's like saying, "Let's just
persecute and kill all the Jews."
You're a mental case.
- The Holocaust? We're comparing to
- Racism, discrimination.
There's no racism here.
If you don't want to walk
into a basketball game
with a certain person,
is that racism?
[PERSON] And then what did you do?
I'm sorry.
[V] I said I was sorry.
- I deleted the picture.
- I'm sorry too, okay?
- [V] Then I gave him a kiss.
- We good?
[PERSON] Were you surprised
he reacted this way?
No.
Did you maybe want
him to react this way?
I wanted to make him jealous.
He was taking me for granted.
We were supposed to go look
at this piece of property,
a duplex I wanted to buy
to help get these kids I'm
adopting into a better situation.
Well, anyway, that's
not even the worst tape.
I have videos, pictures.
I had to keep an archive because
Donald always goes back on his promises.
Are you suggesting blackmail?
I don't want to do anything illegal.
I just want them to drop the lawsuit.
That ship has sailed.
Now that you have sent that
tape to Mr. Andy Roeser,
we are undoubtedly in
a hostile situation.
But [SIGHS] I don't think
Mrs. Sterling's lawsuit has merit.
The cars, the house these are gifts.
Mrs. Sterling may not like
that her husband gave you gifts,
but if I were to give
to Meals on Wheels,
and my wife hates Meals on Wheels and
is made jealous by Meals on Wheels,
what can she do?
She can be angry with me, but
can she sue Meals on Wheels? No.
Then we need to keep raising
the stakes until they back off.
Look, these kind of people,
they just want to show in
public who has the power.
But what happens behind the
curtain, that is negotiable.
We need to show them
that I have the power.
I don't think that is the best approach.
But will you be my
lawyer no matter what?
[SIGHS]
You are very Hollywood.
Thank you.
["WORK IT" PLAYING]
[RALPH LAWLER] Welcome to
Game One of the 2014
- Thank you.
- NBA Western Conference playoffs.
Now, the starting lineup for
your Los Angeles Clippers.
[FANS CHEERING]
At 6'4'' tall, number four, JJ Redick.
[FANS CHEERING]
At 6'7'', number 22, Matt Barnes.
And at 6'11'', from Texas
A&M, DeAndre Jordan.
- [FAN] Let's go, Jordan!
- Yeah!
[SPEAKS INDISTINCTLY]
Your girl acting stank
then call me over ♪
Not on the bed lay me on your sofa ♪
- [BUZZER SOUNDS]
- [MUSIC ENDS]
- Yo!
- Watch your man!
- [FAN 2] Let's go, Chris.
- [FAN 3] Let's go!
[FAN 4] Go, Chris!
[DOC] Shake and drive!
There we go! Oh!
- [BIG BABY] Breathe!
- [ALVIN] Get back! Get back! Get back!
[COACH] Yes, sir! [SHOUTS]
I hurt your feelings?
- [STAMMERS] I hurt your feelings?
- Come on.
You a pussy. That's what you do.
How the fuck do you see the
basket with those tiny eyes?
Shut the hell up, man.
Come on!
[COACH] Make that, son!
Yeah, son. Yeah, son.
[CLIPPER 1] Breathe!
- Come on!
- [WHISTLE BLOWS]
Time out! Let's go!
It's 48 minutes like any
other game, okay? Slow it down.
[BUZZER SOUNDS]
- I'm telling you, man.
- Damn, she fine.
Yeah, I see it right there. Shit!
Phones! Phones!
[CHUCKLES]
What happens when you miss
one minute on the Internet?
Scrimmage. Let's go,
now. Let's go! [CLAPS]
- [TY] Set it up! Set it up!
- [ALVIN] Let's go, boys.
- Right there, right there, right there!
- Hey!
- Watch the block.
- Let's go, boy.
Proving Sterling right, DJ.
Should've traded your ass last summer.
- Damn, Doc. Mm-hmm.
- Damn, Coach.
- Check the ball up, yo.
- What?
You need Blake to teach you
how to inbound the fucking ball?
Let's go!
[CHRIS] Come on, DJ. Come on.
[JJ] Come on, fella. There you go.
- Ball, ball, ball, ball, ball.
- Stay focused.
- Pass that back, Matt.
- Let's go.
- Damn, you that lazy in bed, Matt?
- Hop out.
No wonder your wife is leaving you.
- Doc.
- [PLAYER WHISTLES]
[JAMAL] Ay, he do this with the Celtics?
Hell no. You don't need a coach to be
a sadist when you got Kevin Garnett.
Oh! You miss KG, Big Baby?
That's good,
'cause when he found out
you were coming out here,
he asked me when I was finally
gonna send your ass to Jenny Craig.
- Oh, shit. He calling you out, man.
- [DOC] What?
You wondering why you're not a
champion like your friend LeBron?
[JAMAL] Damn.
Maybe it has something to do with
your thin fucking skin. Let's go.
- [CHRIS] Let's go.
- [BLAKE] By yourself. By yourself!
Oh, left. My bad, JJ.
- There you go!
- There you go, man.
At least my wife still loves me.
Oh, shit.
[LAUGHS]
[IMITATES JJ'S LAUGH]
You like when Black guys joke, JJ?
You like our game?
If you gonna get more than
that little forearm tattoo,
you gonna have to say the N-word.
You from Tennessee, ain't
you? I know you thought it.
And if you thought it,
then basically you said it.
- Yo, right.
- Yeah!
N-N-N-N-Never.
- [CHEERING]
- Yes, sir.
- I got it, I got it, I got it.
- You gotta pass now.
[FANS CHEERING]
Go! Let it go! Yeah! Yeah!
[RALPH LAWLER SPEAKS INDISTINCTLY]
The Clippers wore out
the Warriors tonight.
The teams are tied up, 1 to 1.
We'll see each other in
Oakland for game three.
[REPORTER] Bad boy Kanye
West is back in the hot seat,
arrested for sparring with
a paparazzo outside LAX.
[DOORBELL RINGS]
- Snail jizz on your face?
- It's an illuminating mask.
You don't call before you come over?
I'm not calling your stupid ass.
And you shouldn't call anybody
either. Your phone may be bugged.
A lawyer came to my house.
Squinty sea captain-looking guy,
Mr. O'Donnell, asking about you.
How did he get your address?
I'm saying! They're into your records.
He was asking all kinds of
questions about your past.
- What did you tell him?
- I didn't say shit.
I am not involved.
But you need to be aware that Mr.
O'Donnell knows a lot about you.
Does he know I'm
adopting Daniel and David?
I don't know.
Why wouldn't he?
I mean, what happened?
You had your outfit.
I gave you my pep talk.
Didn't you go see Mr. Sterling?
Didn't you tug his chain till
he rolled over like a good boy?
He doesn't
We don't do that.
Don't do what?
We don't have sex.
What the fuck do you do, then?
It's not [STAMMERS]
It's a friendship.
"A friendship."
[SIGHS]
Shit.
Then you are truly fucked.
[DOC] You know, we win when
we execute our plan and
and right now my job as
coach is just to make sure
[SCOFFS] Shut up, Doc.
Yeah, I'd like a black
forest ham on ciabatta,
but do you have something a little
bolder than the Emmental cheese?
- What happened?
- Yeah, no.
Yeah, I'll call back. Thank you.
- Come in, come in.
- I don't want to come into your room.
I want to know what happened.
TMZ has the tape.
- What?
- TMZ. They called me for comment.
The paparazzi scum, TMZ.
Were you in jail a thousand years?
- I know who TMZ is, but I did not give them the tape.
- I know you didn't.
But why wouldn't V at least
give us a chance to buy it?
All right. We're gonna have
to put a PR team together
and develop a media strategy.
I'm not letting this thing blow
up in public. Are you crazy?
No, no. We need to
find out how much it's
gonna cost to stop TMZ running the tape.
Shelly, money is not
gonna solve this thing.
V didn't negotiate with you
because what she wants is attention.
That is exactly the same
thing that TMZ wants.
Media strategy, huh? What are you after?
- Your picture in Variety again?
- Oh, come on.
I have never done
an interview in my life,
and I'm not about to start now.
And take your bestseller back.
- 600 pages?
- Shelly.
How much is there to
say about Art Buchwald?
Hey, Doc. Doc, one second.
Um [CLEARS THROAT]
I got a call from TMZ.
They are about to publish
a private tape of Donald.
- They wanna give us a chance to comment.
- What kind of private tape?
I don't know, a tape of him and V.
They're gonna put that on the Internet?
Wide world of kink online. You know,
th-th-there's a market for everything.
Celebrity porn is huge,
even if the celebrity
is not aesthetically
Look, there's always
gonna be a tabloid story.
- I don't have time.
- You literally don't have time.
Right. This is an Andy thing.
Okay, I will make sure
that Andy is on it.
It's just We're getting
a copy if you wanna see it.
- No. Right.
- I have to to prepare for PR purposes.
Just get that image
out of my head, okay?
[SMACKS LIPS, VOCALIZING]
Yo, yo, yo, yo baby pop yeah
you, come here hive me a kiss ♪
Better make it fast or
else I'm gonna get pissed ♪
[REPORTER] The whitest
here. All the way.
That should get that image
right out of your head.
[SETH] Push it real good ♪
- So you know
- [SETH] Have a good trip.
TMZ is about to put out a tape
of our idiot owner and his girlfriend.
[ALL GROANING, CHATTERING]
- Not gonna be a big deal.
- Like a mixtape?
- We'll never speak of it again.
- [PLAYER] Girl from Oklahoma?
- [DOC] How's your shoulder?
- It works.
They numbed me up.
Might try some new shit
for the inflammation.
They do these therapies
now with frog poison.
No frogs until we win
a championship, okay?
No, you just keep it conventional.
If it hurts tonight,
I wanna know about it.
Man, Doc, it's the
playoffs. Nothing hurts.
- Bet that.
- God!
- I'm just kidding. It's the other shoulder.
- [CHUCKLES]
Okay, slick.
[FANS CHEERING]
Play your game! Play your game!
Work! Work! Work!
- Watch out.
- [JJ] I got him.
- [BUZZER SOUNDS]
- [WHISTLE BLOWS]
Not today!
The refs ain't gonna
save your ass today.
[RALPH LAWLER] Bingo!
Your LA Clippers snatch
a 2 to 1 lead over the Warriors.
Winning ugly is beautiful.
[DONALD] Doc!
How about that?
Tell your coach, next time,
don't make it so close.
After I give him a big kiss, I will.
Where's the valet ticket?
- You took it from the guy.
- I took it and gave it to you.
Well, I don't have
it. Why would I have
What is your hurry? Don't you
wanna go to the locker room?
Donald, we have to talk
about what's happening.
Why can't you be happy?
Look where we are.
You're worried about a big nothing.
[ASSISTANT 2] Mr.
Sterling, you need your car?
Yes.
Shabooya Sha-sha-shabooya roll call ♪
- My name is CP ♪
- Yeah ♪
- I'm going vegan ♪
- Yeah ♪
- But first I'm eating ♪
- Yeah ♪
- the Warriors' season roll call ♪
- Roll call ♪
Shabooya Sha-sha-shabooya roll call ♪
- My name DeAndre ♪
- Okay ♪
- Oakland's in trouble ♪
- Yeah ♪
- 'Cause I just scored ♪
- Yeah ♪
- a double double roll call ♪
- Roll call ♪
Shabooya Sha-sha-shabooya roll call ♪
- My name is JJ ♪
- Yeah ♪
- I pulled the trigger ♪
- Yeah ♪
- But what I won't do ♪
- Yeah ♪
is say my ♪
[ALL SCREAMING, LAUGHING]
Sha-sha-shabooya roll call ♪
My name is Doc ♪
- Hey!
- [ALL LAUGHING]
All right, guys. Listen.
I love the intensity you showed tonight.
Everybody's always saying that
Oakland's the grittier team.
We're all Hollywood and flash.
You showed this town tonight.
You have the grit.
This is the stuff that
championships are built on.
Aw, thanks, Dad.
My name is Doc ♪
[ALL] Oh!
My game is pure ♪
Yeah ♪
- You got the curse? ♪
- Yeah ♪
I got the cure ♪
[ALL EXCLAIMING]
Sha-sha-shabooya roll call ♪
[GRUNTS] I'm sorry, Shelly.
[EXHALES SHARPLY]
Chris, are you gonna put
a ring on this finger?
- You know it.
- Well, why don't you guys go out?
Enjoy the city.
He needs his beauty sleep.
You want an Ambien, honey?
Oh, no. No. That's where I
end up with that eternal sleep.
Ambien's not bad for you. I take it.
And look at me. A spry 70-something.
You're milking it. He turns 80 tomorrow.
- Happy birthday, Mr. Sterling.
- Oh, tight. Happy birthday.
You wanna sing for me?
Nah, I'm good.
Happy birthday to me,
happy birthday to me ♪
Happy birthday dear Donald ♪
You've had "tee" many "martoonies."
Good night, Mr. and Mrs. Sterling.
- Go easy on the sleep aids.
- [DONALD] Good night.
[DOC] Yawning's contagious. You
wanna yawn, do it on the inside.
[CLEARS THROAT]
[SETH] I have to interrupt, Doc.
It's the tape.
It's out.
The sex tape?
It's not a sex tape.
I don't know if you saw about the tape.
Things are teetering on
the verge of catastrophe.
They tricked me
in saying terrible things.
It's my world!
You really need to put out a statement.
I have a media strategy.
You leave a mess everywhere.
People act like it's wrong to want fame.
I want the heat off the place.
You can't be out here
making this man money.
What's your relationship with Donald?
- I'm his silly rabbit.
- He's what?
What the hell?
Sports, racism, money.
There's something in it for everyone.
I have hundreds of tapes.
I am banning Mr. Sterling for life.
If you come here, I
will physically fight you.
Well, that's a little extreme.
You have to bargain with the
devil if you want to get ahead.
Mr. Sterling!
I'm the Lord Almighty as
far as you're concerned.
♪
[DANCE MUSIC PLAYING]
[SERVER] I'm sorry, ma'am.
You said green chile shrimp?
[V] Chicken. A green chile pupusa
with chicken and a black coffee.
If there's nothing else, you
can move on to the next window.
- What do you want?
- Nothing.
- This shit make my stomach hurt.
- You never got anything like that?
Did I ever get sued for two
and a half million dollars?
What do I look like, Microsoft?
You really poked the bear.
I didn't do anything.
According to her, you did a lot.
"Befriended, enticed,
seduced, cajoled, cheated."
Somebody went buck wild on Synonyms.com.
- [HORN HONKS]
- [DRIVER] Come on. Move up!
What do you want me
to do? There's a line!
But I didn't break the law.
Look, it says right there.
"Everything Mr. Sterling
gave me is a gift."
How can she take back gifts?
How is that even a legit lawsuit?
Here it goes:
She's saying he bought
you shit with her money.
"Community property."
But some of this is income from
my work at the Sterling Foundation.
V, you really think Rochelle wants
to drive all the way downtown
[DISTORTED] and face you in
front of a judge and everything?
She doesn't wanna acknowledge you exist.
You just gotta run up
your little white flag
[NORMAL] and tell her you're sorry.
[HONKS]
[DEJA] It's a red light.
- V, you just ran a red light!
- I know how to drive.
I thought we were going to my
house. Why are you driving west?
Are you insane?
- I just wanna talk to her.
- No, no, no, no, no.
You said you wanted me
to read a legal document,
not jump an elderly white lady.
I'm not doing this, V. Take me home.
What is she gonna do when she
sees us pull up at midnight,
put out tea and crumpets?
She's gonna shoot our Black asses.
I'm not Black.
Be whatever you wanna be in
your mind, you look Black.
And even if they just arrest us,
you're trying to
adopt those boys, right?
You wanna explain a fresh
arrest in family court?
Hazards. Hazards!
Listen. Unfortunately,
it is a man's world.
God cursed Eve and all that.
But you can still make
him do what you want.
You need to make him
so afraid of losing you,
he will do anything to
get her off your back.
He used to do that on his own.
You used to make him
feel all Richard Gere.
Now you take the lifestyle for granted.
Look, you have been blessed
with blue chip pussy. Use it.
Make him feel like a big man again.
Blow his fucking mind.
[VEHICLES PASSING]
[PERSON SPEAKS INDISTINCTLY]
[ENGINE RUMBLES, PASSES]
[V] How do I look?
We need to get you that HD
makeup that deflects light.
- [V SCOFFS]
- V, don't go all Fast and Furious again.
You're gonna give him an
aneurysm with that ass.
You're 31. Cream curdles.
Same as playing ball.
They give you 15 years to earn.
Then you gotta find
your own revenue stream.
Lean In, like that bitch said.
I am.
I'm lining myself up to run
the Clippers organization.
[CHUCKLING] Oh, yeah.
From sidepiece to C-suite,
that classic American tale.
[LAUGHS]
Don't take it personal.
They pay the Lakers Girls $85 a game.
It's just not a sector
where women thrive.
[SHOP ASSISTANT] How's
everything fitting?
Fabulous. Thank you so much.
[DEJA] Look, it wasn't
easy for me either.
People think you make bank
veejaying MTV Spring break.
Three summers in South Padre Island,
and I didn't even keep the bikinis.
All I had was my name and
a phone full of rich dick.
And eventually, those
numbers stopped working.
But your name is your moneymaker.
People will buy your shit
if you What are you doing?
They won't miss 'em.
They cost a dollar to
make, and they charge 200.
With that kind of margin,
do you think this hurts them?
Do you think $2.5 million
hurts Shelly Sterling?
There's no such thing as
stealing from a rigged game.
Shelly Sterling is the one who steals.
She rips off her tenants,
and she barely pays taxes.
Anyway, I'm paying for this.
[BUZZER SOUNDS]
Clippers' curse.
- What'd you say?
- My dad says you're cursed.
Messed up the chance
to draft Scottie Pippen,
Reggie Miller and Kobe Bryant.
Every time you did get a
good player, they got hurt.
Danny Manning and Ron
Harper blew their ACLs.
Marques Johnson broke his
neck and never played again.
Team ruins every good player they get.
- Is that right?
- Mm-hmm.
[GAME BEEPS]
Your face is cursed.
Come on, DJ.
Don't worry about that damn kid, man.
[BUZZER SOUNDS]
[SETH] Bleacher Report
wants to profile DeAndre
on how he turned his
free throw game around.
GQ wants something on JJ's haircut.
They can do that without
talking to the players.
No press till we get through playoffs.
[DONALD] Maybe he's
fast, even on his stumps.
Hello, Doc. I'm talking
about Oscar Pistorius.
He shot his girlfriend
through a bathroom door.
[DOC] Listen, we have
to keep it predictable.
These guys are freaks for routine.
CP has to do everything in threes
or he gets very fucking nervous.
If JJ doesn't have a baked
potato at exactly 4:30,
he can't even fucking walk straight.
Let's bring in meditation trainers
like Oprah did with her company.
Create an impenetrable
dome of mental stability.
[DONALD] The gay kid from MSNBC.
He can deny it all he wants.
- He's obviously Sinatra's son.
- [SAUNA GUEST SIGHS]
Google it. Google the eyes.
Did we get disconnected?
Goddamn touch screens.
- Donald, I'm here.
- [DONALD SCOFFS]
You're a deep well, in your head a lot.
A lone hand like the Batman.
I'm the opposite, very social.
Love to talk, to laugh, to touch.
You can think while this is going on?
Some might think we wouldn't get along.
[SETH] You were saying,
Doc, about the, uh
[CLEARS THROAT]
"dome of stability."
[DOC] We're not cramming
for a math test, man.
It's the playoffs.
Our guys need to be human Xanax.
Even with three seconds
on the game clock.
Even with 12 million people watching.
Even with the most prolific
shit-talkers in the world
passionately devoted to making
them trip on their dicks.
[DONALD] America God
shed his grace on thee ♪
- [HUMMING]
- How long does he usually go on?
- Like 20 minutes.
- That's what this country is about.
- Sometimes an hour.
- [ASSISTANT] Sometimes all day.
I think of you as a kind of brother.
An Indiana guy with very
long arms, half a freak.
[DOC] I don't know who
you're talking about.
He can pick his toes
without bending down.
Come on. You know who I'm talking about.
Where is SportsCenter? I just saw him.
[DOC] Call Gary, Donald.
I don't wanna get into trades
until we're closer to
My dermatologist says
everybody's looking at this guy.
- Everybody.
- [DOC] Can you turn it down?
I'm going deaf on my end.
I got this peckerhead put new
surround sound in. Now nothing works.
[DOC GROANS] Donald, just put your
thoughts in an email. I gotta go.
Oh, Jesus. What happened to Joe Piscopo?
- [BRIAN] Comedian Joe Piscopo swaps
- He looks embalmed.
with another known entertainer.
- Mr. Sterling.
- Jesus Christ. What's wrong with you?
Don't you see I'm in
the middle of something?
Hello? Doc?
Now look. You cut me off.
You're not gonna understand because
you don't do anything with your life,
but certain business relationships
require a personal touch.
I needed to see you.
I tried ringing the doorbell,
but you didn't answer.
Did you swallow your fucking key?
What are you doing?
Get up. You're embarrassing yourself.
What is this?
Everything you bought me.
I'm giving it back.
I didn't know it was community property.
I don't know what that means,
"com community property."
You're not being clear.
Remember where we got these?
The Beverly Wilshire, the
Pretty Woman hotel.
Remember at CUT, I didn't even
know that when you order a steak,
- it doesn't come with a potato or anything?
- V.
I was scared to use the hotel robe
because I thought they might charge you.
And then you picked out these.
And you said they made
my smile look so white.
The ones I'd had in were yellow
topaz from Claire's Accessories.
I had nothing when I met you.
You saved my life.
A beautiful girl shouldn't worry
about where the money comes from.
It makes me happy to give it to you.
That's not what Mrs. Sterling
thinks. She thinks I'm a thief.
Why do you worry about
what Shelly thinks?
- She's suing me.
- She's not gonna go through with it.
Honey, come here. Come here.
Now, what are you scared of?
Hmm? Tell me.
I'm scared she's going
to take everything away.
How am I going to survive?
How am I going to live without you?
Shh. Shh, shh.
I'm not going anywhere.
I'll talk to her.
I'll make it all go away.
[V] I love you.
[SHELLY] What's she doing here?
[DONALD] I love you, beautiful.
Now go wait at the Chevron.
Shelly!
[WATER SPLASHES]
[GRUNTS]
What is this?
Are you nuts?
Sixty years.
I have worked so hard
to pretend we had a
normal life for 60 years.
Stop and think what you're doing.
Why don't you take a pill?
These are cherished memories!
These are make-believe.
Two people playing house,
and meanwhile you're out
flaunting your girls all over town.
So everybody knows how pathetic I am.
Nobody thinks that.
- Everybody loves you.
- [GROANS]
- Everybody but you!
- Ow!
I protect you.
I hide your mess.
And what do I get?
You bring it right
back to my front door,
letting her come here in
the middle of the night.
Why did you come here?
I wanted to see you.
- Liar.
- She's just a kid.
- You're my girl.
- She's your girl.
You don't stroke my hair
or pull me onto your lap.
You don't sleep in my bed.
Honey, you're jealous?
Everybody has always
wanted a piece of you.
When I came to Roosevelt,
it was "Donny, Donny, Donny.
Mr. Personality, captain
of the gymnastics team."
And then I saw you in your white
shorts on the parallel bars.
I was jealous of the idea
of any other girl having you.
Shelly, such passion.
If I was smart, I'd go
out and get my own V.
But you're still that boy
on the parallel bars to me.
I don't want anybody else.
I'm your husband.
I'm always going to be.
My little turtle shell.
["ALWAYS" PLAYING ON HARP]
[DONALD MOANS]
Yeah.
[MUSIC ENDS]
[STORE ANNOUNCER] Cashier needed
up front. Cashier needed up front.
[DOC] Elgin.
Hi, Doc.
How are you, sir?
You look
Let's not get into saying
things we don't mean.
No, you do.
I hear you've been able to
do great things with the team.
Have you had a chance to watch us?
Not really.
Twenty-two years
working for Donald ruined
that particular pastime
for me a little bit.
How you doing with him?
You know the mood
swings, boundary issues.
I mean, he's a piece of
work, but I'm managing.
Some things can't be managed.
Hey, why don't you, uh,
let me have you and Elaine down
for one of the playoff games?
It would mean a lot to the guys.
It's good to see you, Doc.
Oh, hey, man.
- Hey, Doc.
- [GRUNTS]
I was expecting you
to be this other guy.
I changed my whole
schedule to avoid this dude.
He does this orgasmic breathing thing.
Oh, I know that guy.
- He never wipes down the elliptical.
- Yeah.
- I miss my home in Boston.
- Mmm.
I gotta have a ten-minute conversation
just to get my car out of valet.
They won't let you self-park.
- Everybody wants a piece.
- A big, friendly piece.
[SIGHS] But listen, you don't
wanna stick around in this building.
You wanna get yourself a
place up in the Bird Streets.
Keanu's up there. DiCaprio.
The bachelors like it
because it's near the Chateau.
- Oh, well, I'm I'm married.
- Right.
Sure.
[WHISPERS] Of course, I brought
in a decorator to redo my condo.
She said she'd never done
such an extensive renovation
without the wife.
Wink, wink.
But you're together, right?
[NORMAL] Oh, yeah. We together.
We good. We good. We good.
Although I do have a habit of
thinking that everything is great,
and then somebody taps me on
the shoulder like this and says,
"Look over there.
- You're totally fucked."
- [CHUCKLES]
It's a fine line between
optimism and obliviousness.
Oh, yeah.
- I saw a great man today at the market.
- Mmm.
Elgin Baylor, arguably one of the
top ten players ever in the NBA,
and he's the first dude to
ever really play above the rim.
And then he went to the Clippers'
front office for a long time.
Today, with a discount
pork cutlet in his basket,
he looked like he'd
had a curse put on him.
Like something had killed
the light in his eyes.
Maybe you heard the Clippers are cursed.
Now, I don't believe that kind of stuff,
I felt like Elgin was warning
me that I had the curse on me too.
I just didn't know it yet.
When people tell you that you're cursed,
they just want you to fail.
Ask me, I think you're doing all right.
Thank you.
- Hey. Let me ask you something.
- Hmm?
How you get the line
on your beard so tight?
I microblade.
Oh.
So, "Why did Jess and
Leslie invent Terabithia?"
Think of what was jacked up in their
lives that made them want to escape
to a magical place.
[PHONE BUZZES]
- [SPEAKS SPANISH]
- Mm-mmm.
[LINE RINGING]
Ten more minutes and
then set the table, okay?
Okay.
- [AUTOMATED VOICE] You've reached
- [DONALD] Donald Sterling.
[AUTOMATED VOICE] Please record
[POTS CLANKING]
Nobody ever passed language
arts dicking around on Snapchat.
[FANS CHANTING] Let's go
Clippers! Let's go! Come on!
- Let's go Clippers! Let's go!
- [CLAPPING]
- Let's go Clippers! Let's go!
- Come on!
Let's go Clippers! Let's go!
- Let's go Clippers! Let's go!
- [CLAPPING]
Let's go, Clippers! Let's go!
[CHATTERING]
Hi. There was a mix-up with my ticket.
I wonder, could you call
up to Mr. Sterling, please?
[GUARD] Our orders already came from the
Sterlings to limit VIP access tonight.
It's getting close to the playoffs.
You understand.
[FAN SHOUTING] Lob city!
[ANNOUNCER] We wanna see
you on the big screen,
so be up out of your seats,
ready to cheer for your team!
And don't forget your bobblehead.
Pick up your bobblehead
[CHATTERING]
[HIP-HOP MUSIC PLAYING]
- You want me to tell you your essence?
- [FOOTSTEPS APPROACHING]
- Andy.
- [ANDY] Whoa!
You all right?
Hi.
Uh, yeah. Just, uh
Just getting my steps in.
- Okay.
- Yeah, okay.
[BIRDS SQUAWKING]
[PANTING, MUTTERS]
- [GRUNTS] Mr. Sterling.
- What are you doing here?
If If I don't answer your calls,
it's because I don't wanna talk to you.
Yeah. I-I know. That's why I came.
Yeah. Um
So V sent a recording to
the front office last night
of a, uh a private conversation
between the two of you.
Uh, it was unflattering.
Why? What's on it?
Uh, maybe I can come
up and play it for you.
Sure, Andy. Pull up a chair.
Let me make you an iced tea.
Just tell me what's on the fucking tape.
Um. It's, uh
It's a fight between you
over V's social media usage,
uh, her propensity for
posting images of herself with
uh, African Americans.
What does it show, Andy?
What's on the video?
[SMACKS LIPS] Actually,
it's an audiotape.
Well, then, actually who cares?
Only that, um
Mr. Sterling, uh, the the
picture precipitating the fight
was of Magic Johnson.
So it might be of public interest,
and, uh, you make certain
statements about African Americans.
What's going on? V sent a tape?
[DONALD] It's nothing, honey.
Andy's giving himself
palpitations over nothing.
- Can I hear it?
- [ANDY] Uh
Jesus, you two schoolgirls wanna go in
a corner and braid each other's hair?
It's gossip. Waste of time.
So, uh, what do you
want me to do with it?
Delete it, you deep thinker.
What about V? She must've
meant it as a threat.
Honey, we took her
tickets. She's sulking.
She's not going to bite
the hand that feeds her.
Andy, honey, you look like raw beef.
Come inside. I'll give
you some sunscreen.
Are there recommended treatments
for people who work on camera,
to perfect the skin's texture?
[RECEPTIONIST] A lot of
our patients have seen
improvement with laser therapy,
but there's no way to make
scarring totally disappear.
I didn't say anything about scarring.
[SIGHS]
[RECEPTIONIST] I'm so sorry.
Dr. Behzadi is running
just a bit behind schedule.
[SIGHS]
[SHELLY] Sorry.
My lawyer referred me to
a Pierce O'Donnell for counsel.
Is there an office back here?
[HOUSEKEEPER] Nay, he
lives in the pool house.
[PIERCE] Oh. Oh, dear.
Did we have an appointment?
[SHELLY] Well, I'm Shelly Sterling.
Damn it. I'm sorry.
I've been missing calls.
[TV PLAYS, INDISTINCT]
Yeah.
Bert told me that this Stiviano
woman has not responded to your suit.
- Do you know if she's retained counsel?
- I don't know.
I only know she has
recordings of my husband,
and Bert told me you are the finest
legal mind in America, is what he said.
Mrs. Sterling, a few years ago,
I had a national
practice, an A1 reputation.
Variety called me "the
Billion-Dollar Litigator."
Please, have a seat.
And I even wrote a book.
It became a bestseller.
Here. Take one.
[CLEARS THROAT]
And then I donated a little
more to a presidential candidate
than is strictly legal,
and everything went to hell.
Multimillion dollars in legal fees,
a 60-day stay courtesy of
the government at Lompoc.
And only by the grace of
God did I have a friend
who was willing to let me live here.
And I think that's why Bert
Fields has sent you to me.
Because you live in a pool house?
Because I know what it's
like to be humiliated
and dispossessed.
I won't let that happen to you.
[BREATHES DEEPLY]
Dealing with V has taken over my life.
She is a bad, bad person.
I got ahold of an audio tape.
[STUTTERS] I listened to it.
She made him say all
kind of awful things.
Put the genie back in the bottle.
That's what you and your
husband are looking to do.
Yes.
But I don't want Donald involved.
[STUTTERS] His judgment
Murky, when it comes to women.
Murky. Precisely.
Well, it's just you and me and
the detritus of my former life.
Why don't we listen to the tape?
He wasn't himself.
[DONALD] Why would you do that?
Are you stupid or something?
You wanna broadcast to the world that
you walk around with a man like that?
[V] Honey, I'm sorry.
I'm sorry too.
I wish I could change
the color of my skin.
No. That's not the issue. The issue is
we don't have to broadcast everything.
I'm not broadcasting anything!
Then why are you taking
pictures with minorities? Why?
What's wrong with minorities?
What's wrong with Black people?
- [CHAIR SCRAPES]
- [V GROANS]
[FOOTSTEPS DEPARTING]
You associate with Black people.
I'm not you, and you're not me.
You're supposed to be a delicate
white or delicate Latina girl.
I am a mixed girl, and
you're in love with me.
I'm Black and Mexican
whether you like it or not.
And you want me to have
hate towards Black people.
I don't want you to have hate.
That's what people
They turn things around.
I want you to love them privately.
You think I'm a racist.
I don't think so.
I think you have an
amazing heart, honey.
But the people around
you have a poison mind.
It's the world.
The Blacks are just treated like dogs.
And is that right?
We don't evaluate
what's right and wrong.
We live in a culture.
We have to live within that culture.
But shouldn't we take
a stand for what's wrong
and be the change and the difference?
I don't wanna change.
If my girl can't do what I
want, I don't want the girl.
There's no need to get upset.
Don't come to my games.
Don't bring Black
people, and don't come.
Do you know that you have a whole
team of Black people that play for you?
Do I know? I support them.
I give them food and
clothes and cars and houses.
Who gives it to them?
Does someone else give it to them?
Do I know that I have
Who makes the game? Do I make the
game? Or do they make the game?
Is there 30 owners
who created the league?
I'm not going to bring any
Black people to the stadium.
Isn't it easy to say that?
It's easy for you to say that.
I would never ask anyone not
to bring someone based on race.
It's like saying, "Let's just
persecute and kill all the Jews."
You're a mental case.
- The Holocaust? We're comparing to
- Racism, discrimination.
There's no racism here.
If you don't want to walk
into a basketball game
with a certain person,
is that racism?
[PERSON] And then what did you do?
I'm sorry.
[V] I said I was sorry.
- I deleted the picture.
- I'm sorry too, okay?
- [V] Then I gave him a kiss.
- We good?
[PERSON] Were you surprised
he reacted this way?
No.
Did you maybe want
him to react this way?
I wanted to make him jealous.
He was taking me for granted.
We were supposed to go look
at this piece of property,
a duplex I wanted to buy
to help get these kids I'm
adopting into a better situation.
Well, anyway, that's
not even the worst tape.
I have videos, pictures.
I had to keep an archive because
Donald always goes back on his promises.
Are you suggesting blackmail?
I don't want to do anything illegal.
I just want them to drop the lawsuit.
That ship has sailed.
Now that you have sent that
tape to Mr. Andy Roeser,
we are undoubtedly in
a hostile situation.
But [SIGHS] I don't think
Mrs. Sterling's lawsuit has merit.
The cars, the house these are gifts.
Mrs. Sterling may not like
that her husband gave you gifts,
but if I were to give
to Meals on Wheels,
and my wife hates Meals on Wheels and
is made jealous by Meals on Wheels,
what can she do?
She can be angry with me, but
can she sue Meals on Wheels? No.
Then we need to keep raising
the stakes until they back off.
Look, these kind of people,
they just want to show in
public who has the power.
But what happens behind the
curtain, that is negotiable.
We need to show them
that I have the power.
I don't think that is the best approach.
But will you be my
lawyer no matter what?
[SIGHS]
You are very Hollywood.
Thank you.
["WORK IT" PLAYING]
[RALPH LAWLER] Welcome to
Game One of the 2014
- Thank you.
- NBA Western Conference playoffs.
Now, the starting lineup for
your Los Angeles Clippers.
[FANS CHEERING]
At 6'4'' tall, number four, JJ Redick.
[FANS CHEERING]
At 6'7'', number 22, Matt Barnes.
And at 6'11'', from Texas
A&M, DeAndre Jordan.
- [FAN] Let's go, Jordan!
- Yeah!
[SPEAKS INDISTINCTLY]
Your girl acting stank
then call me over ♪
Not on the bed lay me on your sofa ♪
- [BUZZER SOUNDS]
- [MUSIC ENDS]
- Yo!
- Watch your man!
- [FAN 2] Let's go, Chris.
- [FAN 3] Let's go!
[FAN 4] Go, Chris!
[DOC] Shake and drive!
There we go! Oh!
- [BIG BABY] Breathe!
- [ALVIN] Get back! Get back! Get back!
[COACH] Yes, sir! [SHOUTS]
I hurt your feelings?
- [STAMMERS] I hurt your feelings?
- Come on.
You a pussy. That's what you do.
How the fuck do you see the
basket with those tiny eyes?
Shut the hell up, man.
Come on!
[COACH] Make that, son!
Yeah, son. Yeah, son.
[CLIPPER 1] Breathe!
- Come on!
- [WHISTLE BLOWS]
Time out! Let's go!
It's 48 minutes like any
other game, okay? Slow it down.
[BUZZER SOUNDS]
- I'm telling you, man.
- Damn, she fine.
Yeah, I see it right there. Shit!
Phones! Phones!
[CHUCKLES]
What happens when you miss
one minute on the Internet?
Scrimmage. Let's go,
now. Let's go! [CLAPS]
- [TY] Set it up! Set it up!
- [ALVIN] Let's go, boys.
- Right there, right there, right there!
- Hey!
- Watch the block.
- Let's go, boy.
Proving Sterling right, DJ.
Should've traded your ass last summer.
- Damn, Doc. Mm-hmm.
- Damn, Coach.
- Check the ball up, yo.
- What?
You need Blake to teach you
how to inbound the fucking ball?
Let's go!
[CHRIS] Come on, DJ. Come on.
[JJ] Come on, fella. There you go.
- Ball, ball, ball, ball, ball.
- Stay focused.
- Pass that back, Matt.
- Let's go.
- Damn, you that lazy in bed, Matt?
- Hop out.
No wonder your wife is leaving you.
- Doc.
- [PLAYER WHISTLES]
[JAMAL] Ay, he do this with the Celtics?
Hell no. You don't need a coach to be
a sadist when you got Kevin Garnett.
Oh! You miss KG, Big Baby?
That's good,
'cause when he found out
you were coming out here,
he asked me when I was finally
gonna send your ass to Jenny Craig.
- Oh, shit. He calling you out, man.
- [DOC] What?
You wondering why you're not a
champion like your friend LeBron?
[JAMAL] Damn.
Maybe it has something to do with
your thin fucking skin. Let's go.
- [CHRIS] Let's go.
- [BLAKE] By yourself. By yourself!
Oh, left. My bad, JJ.
- There you go!
- There you go, man.
At least my wife still loves me.
Oh, shit.
[LAUGHS]
[IMITATES JJ'S LAUGH]
You like when Black guys joke, JJ?
You like our game?
If you gonna get more than
that little forearm tattoo,
you gonna have to say the N-word.
You from Tennessee, ain't
you? I know you thought it.
And if you thought it,
then basically you said it.
- Yo, right.
- Yeah!
N-N-N-N-Never.
- [CHEERING]
- Yes, sir.
- I got it, I got it, I got it.
- You gotta pass now.
[FANS CHEERING]
Go! Let it go! Yeah! Yeah!
[RALPH LAWLER SPEAKS INDISTINCTLY]
The Clippers wore out
the Warriors tonight.
The teams are tied up, 1 to 1.
We'll see each other in
Oakland for game three.
[REPORTER] Bad boy Kanye
West is back in the hot seat,
arrested for sparring with
a paparazzo outside LAX.
[DOORBELL RINGS]
- Snail jizz on your face?
- It's an illuminating mask.
You don't call before you come over?
I'm not calling your stupid ass.
And you shouldn't call anybody
either. Your phone may be bugged.
A lawyer came to my house.
Squinty sea captain-looking guy,
Mr. O'Donnell, asking about you.
How did he get your address?
I'm saying! They're into your records.
He was asking all kinds of
questions about your past.
- What did you tell him?
- I didn't say shit.
I am not involved.
But you need to be aware that Mr.
O'Donnell knows a lot about you.
Does he know I'm
adopting Daniel and David?
I don't know.
Why wouldn't he?
I mean, what happened?
You had your outfit.
I gave you my pep talk.
Didn't you go see Mr. Sterling?
Didn't you tug his chain till
he rolled over like a good boy?
He doesn't
We don't do that.
Don't do what?
We don't have sex.
What the fuck do you do, then?
It's not [STAMMERS]
It's a friendship.
"A friendship."
[SIGHS]
Shit.
Then you are truly fucked.
[DOC] You know, we win when
we execute our plan and
and right now my job as
coach is just to make sure
[SCOFFS] Shut up, Doc.
Yeah, I'd like a black
forest ham on ciabatta,
but do you have something a little
bolder than the Emmental cheese?
- What happened?
- Yeah, no.
Yeah, I'll call back. Thank you.
- Come in, come in.
- I don't want to come into your room.
I want to know what happened.
TMZ has the tape.
- What?
- TMZ. They called me for comment.
The paparazzi scum, TMZ.
Were you in jail a thousand years?
- I know who TMZ is, but I did not give them the tape.
- I know you didn't.
But why wouldn't V at least
give us a chance to buy it?
All right. We're gonna have
to put a PR team together
and develop a media strategy.
I'm not letting this thing blow
up in public. Are you crazy?
No, no. We need to
find out how much it's
gonna cost to stop TMZ running the tape.
Shelly, money is not
gonna solve this thing.
V didn't negotiate with you
because what she wants is attention.
That is exactly the same
thing that TMZ wants.
Media strategy, huh? What are you after?
- Your picture in Variety again?
- Oh, come on.
I have never done
an interview in my life,
and I'm not about to start now.
And take your bestseller back.
- 600 pages?
- Shelly.
How much is there to
say about Art Buchwald?
Hey, Doc. Doc, one second.
Um [CLEARS THROAT]
I got a call from TMZ.
They are about to publish
a private tape of Donald.
- They wanna give us a chance to comment.
- What kind of private tape?
I don't know, a tape of him and V.
They're gonna put that on the Internet?
Wide world of kink online. You know,
th-th-there's a market for everything.
Celebrity porn is huge,
even if the celebrity
is not aesthetically
Look, there's always
gonna be a tabloid story.
- I don't have time.
- You literally don't have time.
Right. This is an Andy thing.
Okay, I will make sure
that Andy is on it.
It's just We're getting
a copy if you wanna see it.
- No. Right.
- I have to to prepare for PR purposes.
Just get that image
out of my head, okay?
[SMACKS LIPS, VOCALIZING]
Yo, yo, yo, yo baby pop yeah
you, come here hive me a kiss ♪
Better make it fast or
else I'm gonna get pissed ♪
[REPORTER] The whitest
here. All the way.
That should get that image
right out of your head.
[SETH] Push it real good ♪
- So you know
- [SETH] Have a good trip.
TMZ is about to put out a tape
of our idiot owner and his girlfriend.
[ALL GROANING, CHATTERING]
- Not gonna be a big deal.
- Like a mixtape?
- We'll never speak of it again.
- [PLAYER] Girl from Oklahoma?
- [DOC] How's your shoulder?
- It works.
They numbed me up.
Might try some new shit
for the inflammation.
They do these therapies
now with frog poison.
No frogs until we win
a championship, okay?
No, you just keep it conventional.
If it hurts tonight,
I wanna know about it.
Man, Doc, it's the
playoffs. Nothing hurts.
- Bet that.
- God!
- I'm just kidding. It's the other shoulder.
- [CHUCKLES]
Okay, slick.
[FANS CHEERING]
Play your game! Play your game!
Work! Work! Work!
- Watch out.
- [JJ] I got him.
- [BUZZER SOUNDS]
- [WHISTLE BLOWS]
Not today!
The refs ain't gonna
save your ass today.
[RALPH LAWLER] Bingo!
Your LA Clippers snatch
a 2 to 1 lead over the Warriors.
Winning ugly is beautiful.
[DONALD] Doc!
How about that?
Tell your coach, next time,
don't make it so close.
After I give him a big kiss, I will.
Where's the valet ticket?
- You took it from the guy.
- I took it and gave it to you.
Well, I don't have
it. Why would I have
What is your hurry? Don't you
wanna go to the locker room?
Donald, we have to talk
about what's happening.
Why can't you be happy?
Look where we are.
You're worried about a big nothing.
[ASSISTANT 2] Mr.
Sterling, you need your car?
Yes.
Shabooya Sha-sha-shabooya roll call ♪
- My name is CP ♪
- Yeah ♪
- I'm going vegan ♪
- Yeah ♪
- But first I'm eating ♪
- Yeah ♪
- the Warriors' season roll call ♪
- Roll call ♪
Shabooya Sha-sha-shabooya roll call ♪
- My name DeAndre ♪
- Okay ♪
- Oakland's in trouble ♪
- Yeah ♪
- 'Cause I just scored ♪
- Yeah ♪
- a double double roll call ♪
- Roll call ♪
Shabooya Sha-sha-shabooya roll call ♪
- My name is JJ ♪
- Yeah ♪
- I pulled the trigger ♪
- Yeah ♪
- But what I won't do ♪
- Yeah ♪
is say my ♪
[ALL SCREAMING, LAUGHING]
Sha-sha-shabooya roll call ♪
My name is Doc ♪
- Hey!
- [ALL LAUGHING]
All right, guys. Listen.
I love the intensity you showed tonight.
Everybody's always saying that
Oakland's the grittier team.
We're all Hollywood and flash.
You showed this town tonight.
You have the grit.
This is the stuff that
championships are built on.
Aw, thanks, Dad.
My name is Doc ♪
[ALL] Oh!
My game is pure ♪
Yeah ♪
- You got the curse? ♪
- Yeah ♪
I got the cure ♪
[ALL EXCLAIMING]
Sha-sha-shabooya roll call ♪
[GRUNTS] I'm sorry, Shelly.
[EXHALES SHARPLY]
Chris, are you gonna put
a ring on this finger?
- You know it.
- Well, why don't you guys go out?
Enjoy the city.
He needs his beauty sleep.
You want an Ambien, honey?
Oh, no. No. That's where I
end up with that eternal sleep.
Ambien's not bad for you. I take it.
And look at me. A spry 70-something.
You're milking it. He turns 80 tomorrow.
- Happy birthday, Mr. Sterling.
- Oh, tight. Happy birthday.
You wanna sing for me?
Nah, I'm good.
Happy birthday to me,
happy birthday to me ♪
Happy birthday dear Donald ♪
You've had "tee" many "martoonies."
Good night, Mr. and Mrs. Sterling.
- Go easy on the sleep aids.
- [DONALD] Good night.
[DOC] Yawning's contagious. You
wanna yawn, do it on the inside.
[CLEARS THROAT]
[SETH] I have to interrupt, Doc.
It's the tape.
It's out.
The sex tape?
It's not a sex tape.
I don't know if you saw about the tape.
Things are teetering on
the verge of catastrophe.
They tricked me
in saying terrible things.
It's my world!
You really need to put out a statement.
I have a media strategy.
You leave a mess everywhere.
People act like it's wrong to want fame.
I want the heat off the place.
You can't be out here
making this man money.
What's your relationship with Donald?
- I'm his silly rabbit.
- He's what?
What the hell?
Sports, racism, money.
There's something in it for everyone.
I have hundreds of tapes.
I am banning Mr. Sterling for life.
If you come here, I
will physically fight you.
Well, that's a little extreme.
You have to bargain with the
devil if you want to get ahead.
Mr. Sterling!
I'm the Lord Almighty as
far as you're concerned.
♪