Code 404 (2020) s01e02 Episode Script

1
Hello John.
Coming 'round for tea tonight?
Chicken pie.
Die..-!!!
Congratulations, DI Major,
you shot your grandmother.
Again.
You've obviously never
tried her chicken pie.
I told you these
tests were pointless.
Carver, is that you?
The tests are essential.
I've installed a full
software update.
If it works he'll have
faster cognition,
with no more glitches
Carver, were you in the room
just now,
when I asked about
getting porn on this?
No,
but thanks for
bringing us up to speed.
I need something to help me relax.
Oww!
Fuck a duck!
They filter the Internet in here.
I'm making my own photo-fit images
to jerk off to.
Would you have any idea
how humiliating that
Hi, hello.
These people are members of the
AI Ethics Committee.
They're here to observe your new
software update.
How do you do.
I don't think anyone wants to
shake that now, mate.
We haven't got time to sit here
on our fannies.
We got crimes to solve.
"Fannies"?
Are you sure about this update?
As you can see,
he's making excellent progress.
These maps show the location for the
three most recent incidents.
Well, the three points
form a triangle.
That can't be a coincidence.
Any three points form a triangle.
This is the area where the fly-tipping
is concentrated.
We need you to get in there and
- Fly-tipping?
We are detective inspectors.
You want us out there
to catch litter bugs?
After you cocked up
last time you're lucky
you're not standing
in the middle of the road
holding a bloody great lollipop.
We should be out there busting
meth labs and pedophiles.
- PAEDophile.
- That's what I said. Pedophile.
- PAEDophile.
- That's what I said. Pedophile.
This is your first case, John,
I'm breaking you in gently.
And, Carver.
You're supposed to be supervising him,
not jumping off bloody car parks!
I'll make sure he behaves, boss.
Any progress on the
investigation into my shooting?
You stay well away from that, John,
That's been Gilbert and
Ryle's case from day-one.
- Gilbert and Ryle are crap!
- Leave it, leave it.
We'll get you the results on this,
boss. Come on.
One more thing. Carver's right.
Three points always make a triangle.
What's going on, Roy?
I want to know who shot me,
and it's like no-one cares!
Not Dennett, not Gilbert and Ryle!
I mean, not even you seem
What's this?
My secret hobby for the last year.
Don't get excited.
I haven't found any answers.
Operation Blue Finch.
Plus everything we
know about your shooting:
Faces, wheels, known associates.
Everything.
What?
Don't look at me like that,
it's weird.
I don't deserve you, buddy.
First you take the rap for the
car park thing, which was,
technically my fault,
and now this.
What else have you been
taking care of for me?
Kelly.
Hiya. You all right?
How are you doing?
Yeah, not too bad,
really, under the circ
Oh, sorry, you were talking to him.
I didn’t realise you were
sleeping here,
I thought you
had your own place.
I do have my own place, Kelly.
You just won't let me live in it.
What are these? Is
it a photo-fit image?
- Who's that?
- They're erm, confidential.
Well, I brought you over
your things so
Have you come to say that we're
through? Do I need an attorney?
What! Do you mean lawyer?
What? No. I came here
to ask you out for dinner.
Because I can't remember the last
time we had a meal together, actually.
Okay. Well. It was
the night that I got shot.
We had that big row..
Roy was comforting you,
and I remember thinking
I should be going.
Give me a call later, yeah?
Things are looking up!
Yeah
I'll just be a minute, mate, yeah?
Since when did I support
Liverpool?
Kelly!
What, you're taking him out
on a date?
- I need to talk to him.
- But what about talking to me?
You've ignored my phone calls.
Roy, these last few months
have been amazing, but,
y'know it's like we've woken up
or more specifically, he's woken up.
So, what, you just forget about us,
as if nothing's happened?
I can't just dump John.
He's vulnerable.
You know, if he messes up,
they're gonna
they're gonnaswitch him off.
Ah, bollocks will they switch him off!
He's fine, Parfit's fixed him.
I ran a software update.
He won’t let me test it, so,
I don’t know if it worked.
- This new software,
is it American by any chance?
- Why do you ask?
Catch ya' later, baby doll.
Come on, buddy.
Time we hit that garbage dump.
No reason in particular.
- Nothing! Diapers
- Nappies!
- aluminum cans
- Aluminium!
- I feel like a hobo.
- Oh for fuck's sake
Why won't you do
Dr Parfit's tests?
Look, I don’t need to be tested.
'Cos I'm not a computer, or a robot,
or a machine!
I'm augmented. That's all.
We know that, mate.
But they're psychological tests,
not the Turing test.
- What?
The Turing test. Named after
Alan Turing, the code breaker,
I know what the Turing test is:
you talk to someone
for an hour and
see whether you
can tell if they're gay.
It's definitely not that, mate.
Bloody hell, what's this?
- A cell phone.
- Mobile.
There's no SIM. We might
be able to get some data off
- Holy shit, a foot!
- Jesus!
Male, size ten.
No blood. Tissue damage indicates
it was sawn off post-mortem.
We're looking at a homicide.
Was it just a foot? But why
would someone dump a single foot?
Ritualistic? Partial tattoo suggests
an occult significance.
Shit, Major! Looks like we're back
in serious crimes after all.
Ugh! What did you do that for?
- Oh, sorry.
- Fucking dickhead!
Put it in a bag!
Forensics said six hours
for a full DNA analysis.
Judy, I need you to contact
Missing Persons,
try to ID this tattoo.
Okay, my name still
isn't Judy though
We're gonna crack this one,
John, I can feel it.
Look who it is: Inspector Gadget.
Beat it, assholes. I'm busy.
Yeah. Busy being interviewed by us.
about your shooting.
You update Dennet on the foot.
No, you found it.
You deserve the credit.
There's no I in team, Roy.
This one's yours.
Don't be nervous, DI Major,
we're not gonna charge you.
Not unless your battery's low!
It was a joke.
Y'know, about you being a computer.
You shouldn't make jokes like that
it's not very "PC".
What have you got on my shooting?
The gunman had a red jeep.
Did you put out an APB
on the vehicle?
All right, Siri.
We'll ask the questions.
We heard someone gave you a name
just before you got shot.
Give me the name!
Yeah.
I can't remember it.
I tried, but I just
Okay. I understand.
Have you tried switching yourself
off and on again?
I am not a computer.
I'm a detective, a human detective!
It's just banter.
We're not serious.
Right, this is who you
should be after: Liam Cleasby
known associate of the shooters.
We had him a few days ago,
but he got away.
We saw Cleasby a year ago.
Small-time dealer,
he didn't know anything.
So that's it then!
Interview concludes.
- Recording discontinued.
- What, that's it?
This is meant to be a
homicide investigation.
- Yeah is it though?
- What do you mean, "is it"?
- I'm the one that was murdered!
- Yeah, you were murdered,
but you're not murdered anymore,
are you?
So is it a murder case, or not?
I'd call it attempted murder,
possibly GBH.
I'll be honest, you're giving the
lawyers a real headache.
Are you telling me I've not been
murdered? I've been fucking murdered!
Calm down. Ctrl-Alt-Del
Well, thanks for your cooperation.
We'll likely speak to you
again in the future.
- We'll leave you on standby.
- Standby! Like a computer.
- Douche-bags.
- Douche-bags?
- Catch all that, Cleasby?
- I'll pass it on.
- What happens to him now?
- That's above my pay grade.
- He doesn't remember anything.
- He remembers the jeep.
Pity. I always liked this car.
The tattoo is a Celtic symbol
associated with the Isle of Man.
I'm liaising with the Manx police.
Tissue samples are with forensics.
Okay, DI Carver.
I'll give you 24 hours.
Let's see if you can
prove people wrong.
Thanks, boss.
What people?
Well, you know. All those ones who
said you were washed up Major died.
Who assumed you
were an alcoholic or
had a breakdown,
you lost focus so much.
God knows,
I said it myself a hundred times.
Anyway,
pep talk over. Go
and find me that killer.
Just because I'm alive doesn't mean
I'm not a murder victim.
Listen mate,
I don't mean to interrupt,
but in this country
we drive on the left.
What?
Oh, shit!
Sorry.
Listen, mate,
I just want to say thanks for
letting me take the
credit for the foot.
The least I could. After the work
you done on my shooting.
Operation Blue Finch.
We're a good team. We always were.
You don't even know the half of it.
What d'you mean?
How do you think that foot got on
the garbage tip in the first place?
- The killer dumped it there.
- Or,
maybe a good friend
of yours put it there?
A friend who has access to the morgue,
who can borrow a bit
of "evidence" to give
your career a much-needed
shot in the ass?
Thanks, John.
That's very thoughtful.
Yeah? Cos I was worried you
might not be happy.
- Why, what did you think I'd say?
- I dunno.
Maybe, something like,
"you're a complete dickhead"?
Who tampered with evidence,
desecrated a corpse,
wasted police time, and
now we're both going to go to prison?
You're pissed at me, aren't ya.
You are.
You're pissed
No, I'm pissed OFF.
You American twat!
Pissed off!
"Pissed" means drunk,
and I'm stone-cold fucking sober!
- He's real pissed.
- What were you thinking?!
I was trying to help.
You wanted to get
back on serious crimes!
Not by committing one!
What happens when the
DNA comes back,
and it matches a body
we've already got?
I thought of that.
We say it's not the same victim,
but twins!
Identical twins have the same DNA!
- Do they?
- I don't know, probably.
Oh, fuckin' hell!
We're in deep shit.
We need to fix this, and now!
Yeah, yeah, and if anyone
can do that, it's us,
and I would
honestly love to help, but
I've got this date with Kelly
in 20 minutes, so erm
You okay walking from here?
I feel like we've
been here before.
What, sitting across a table,
avoiding a
conversation we
know we should have?
No, no, I mean, this restaurant.
Yeah, we have, yeah.
It used to be a bit scruffier.
They've done it up, they've,
you know, ripped it apart,
and modernized it, so
Bit like me, then!
I should give you a
review on TripAdvisor.
How many stars?
Yes, well,
I don’t know that yet, do I?
Oh, I remember we came here
for your birthday.
You were wasted,
I'm surprised they let you back in.
No I was not.
Totally off your face.
You told the waiter
he looked like Elton John.
I didn't! I did.
I did! Yeah, but he did.
Well, a crap one!
I wonder if he's still here?
Don't go breaking my heart!
No, he's not here.
He's is not here.
You're an embarrassment, John.
I'm an embarrassment?
I had to carry you home that night!
Hm, that's not like you.
Well, I've been modernized,
haven't I?
Answer the phone, you knob.
- What's the problem?
- Oh fuck!
This is the problem.
Your science project has gone
very horribly wrong.
Does Dennet know about this?
Not until I show her, no.
You are not serious!
Look, I know he's my partner,
but he's a police officer.
He's meant to protect the
public from people like
What are you doing?
Oops! CCTV seems to have vanished.
So? We'll still get caught.
And this time I'm
not taking the blame.
OK, think about this,
Carver, do the math.
- Maths!
- If Dennett finds out,
the whole AI project gets shut down!
Well, maybe it should!
He's shit.
You failed.
You should both be fired.
Oh, fired!
He's an AI.
You know what happens to artificial
things when they pull the plug?
Fuck's sake!
Okay, well that was the photocopier,
but you get the point.
- Bullshit. They won't kill him.
- Do you want to take that chance?
So yeah,
I had some therapy after you
After you
Some grief counselling,
CBT, that sort of thing.
Actually, I had so much
that I'm now training
to be a counsellor.
I work with police officers,
actually.
You go, girl!
I just, you know,
want to help people who
have been through
the same thing as me.
Not the, "husband coming back
from the dead" bit,
not that bit,
cos that's weirdthat bit
So are you still working as a realtor?
Estate Agent!?
No, no, God, I gave that up
months ago.
I don't know why I
didn't do it before.
God, the sense of freedom and
release was like, oh my God
Obviously tinged with sadness as well.
You've turned your life around, Kel.
That's great.
Second chances, eh?
That's what it's all about.
So, in a counselling session
I might say something like,
have you been experiencing
feelings of anger, and you
you might say
- what would you say?
- What?
-Anger.
- Oh right no, yeah.
Yeah, well, err,
I got kind of crabby, at work today.
Good. And - and, how's your
concentration?
Is that easier or harder
you know,
since the software update?
How do you know I
had a software update?
I think someone mentioned
it at the lab when I
I don't believe this!
You're testing me.
- John
- Is she here?
Dr. Parfit? She is, isn't she?
- Listening.
- Of course she's not listening!
Don't be silly!
I'm gonna phone her later,
and tell her what you've said.
- My own wife is a stool pigeon!
- What?
I thought this was a date.
I thought you were doing this
because you cared.
I do care very deeply about you, John,
that's why I'm trying to help you.
By tricking me? Spying on me?
No, Dr. Parfit said
that you weren't doing your tests,
and I was worried about you. She
needs to know how you are feeling.
If you gave two bits
about my feelings, Kelly,
we wouldn’t be here right now!
Fuck!
- The date not go well?
- No! It did not go well!
- You saw her foot off?
- What? No.
You're making progress then,
aren't you!
Why is everyone
busting my balls today?
Oi, "Ghost in the Shell."
Dennet wants to see you both.
She doesn't sound happy.
Maybe it's something to do with
perverting the course of justice.
What do you mean?
I thought you were fixing it?
Have you not fixed it!?
What, you mean gone back in time
and stopped you from being a dickhead?
Carver, the committee will
switch me off!
Can't you take the blame?
Again. Last time, I promise.
- No!
- For me! Please!
- You said there's no “I” in team.
- Turned out there's no "U" in honor.
There is if you fucking
spell it properly!
- It's about this foot business.
- Oh, uhm, the thing is ma'am,
we think there is a serial killer
targeting twins.
- You need to drop the case.
- What?
Communication from MI5.
The whole thing's been classified.
We're to act like we never found
a foot in the first place.
But boss, I mean, that's
Pain in the arse,
but it can't be helped.
Case closed.
You did this!
You and Parfit.
You had my back after all!
We should probably
have this bit of the conversation
after we've left the office.
Oh, um, before I forget.
I caught the fly tipper.
- What?
- What?
Sorry. Yeah,
I forgot to mention it.
A cell phone was recovered
from the fly tipping site.
Analysis of the data
led me to identify a suspect.
- He's made a full confession.
- Excellent work, DI Major!
You're a credit to the force.
- Just doing my doody.
- Duty! - DI Carver?”
You could learn a lot from this man.
- Dismissed.
- Thank you, boss.
Bell end!
How did you manage to hack into MI5
and send that fake message?
Please! I have been doing that stuff
since kindergarten.
Well, you can’t do it for him
every time he screws up.
He won't screw up from now on.
I've updated the update
and reset the language defaults.
This one really will enhance
his cognition significantly.
I got shot.
Obernik?
Werbenik?
Helpf me, mein freund!
Yeah, that's fine, yeah,
leave him like that! Brilliant!
I'm just
Major!
I have got one lead.
You can use it to charge a phone
off your head.
Have you been seeing someone?
Yes, I have, John, yeah.
You 'orrible, little, scumbag!
Jesus!
I think he's got a knife.