Crazyhead (2016) s01e02 Episode Script

1 I see them too.
What are they? They're demons.
If the body they're in dies, they possess the nearest person they can find.
SHE GASPS How do I get him out of her? You have to perform an exorcism.
Hello, Raquel.
Who was that guy? Who is he? He's just a guy I know.
Deficit fumus deficiant et jus SCREAMING Suzanne? She's dead.
# I'm gonna catch ya # I'm gonna get ya, get ya # Ow-ah-ow # I wanna taste the way that you bleed # Oh-oh-oh-oh You're my kill of the night.
You're buying Tango? That's our cover story.
We're just two innocent girls buying some pop.
They don't have any spades, not that I can see.
This is about the best I could find.
You want to dig a grave with spoons? Spoons? Big spoons.
Serving spoons.
It's not ideal but OK.
It's totally ridiculous.
Maybe they have some out back.
Hey.
How's it going? It's great.
It's all good.
Just getting some supplies.
We needed some Tango so.
You need anything else? Mmm.
Do you sell spades? You come in here in the middle of the night, asking for spades.
Right.
Major alarm bells.
I'm talking sirens, flashing lights, helicopters in the sky.
Who are you burying? I'm screwing with you HE LAUGHS I'm sorry.
Your faces.
That is hilarious.
They're in aisle 11.
How many do you need? Two.
Two spades to the checkout, please.
That's two spades to the checkout.
Two spades to the checkout.
They shouldn't be too long.
You guys got any plans for the rest of the night? Do you have any preferences where we bury her? Maybe a place you two liked to hang out? You mean like a coffee shop? Probably not a coffee shop.
The forest is always a good option.
Lots of trees You said she'd be OK.
I don't understand it.
She should have been fine.
You don't have a clue.
You have no idea what you're doing.
This is on you.
I screwed up.
I get it.
Sorry.
I know you're upset, and angry You have no idea.
If we don't bury her, we're going to be eating prison food and prisonpussy for the rest of our lives.
They do not have a salad bar, or a Nando's.
Uh-uh.
Let's go with the forest.
So is it like a cycling club? Well, it's not really aclub.
It's just a group of guys who like to blow off some steam at the weekends.
Last Saturday, some dick in a BMW clipped Aaron's wheel.
Arsehole won't be doing that again.
Look at you getting your hands dirty.
I'm not above it.
It's good for the soul.
So this is who all the fuss is about? She's cute.
The situation's got a little out of hand.
Do you, er, do you think you can take care of her? Sure, just so long as I can get childcare.
I'll see if my baby-sitter can stay on for an extra couple of hours.
Are you telling me the future of our kind hangs on whether your baby-sitter fancies some overtime? Trust me.
This is the last time I possess a single mum.
It's relentless.
There's no support.
Hey.
How's my boy? SHE CHUCKLES Oh.
Well, there should be some cough medicine in the bathroom cabinet.
OK.
Something's come up.
Could you stay on for an extra couple of hours? Three? You're a total star.
THEY GRUN # My girl # My girl # Don't lie to me Do you want to say anything? Tell me where did you sleep last night I'm sorry we killed you, I really am.
We didn't mean to.
Sometimes shit just goes bad.
Amen.
# I'm going where the cold wind blows # In the pines, in the pines # Where the sun never shines I would shiver the whole night through.
OWL HOOTS RUSTLING What was that? RUSTLING CONTINUES SHRIEKING AND SQUEALING TEARFULLY: Oh, Jesus.
No.
No.
No.
No.
I'm so sorry.
You poor little thing.
I'm sorry.
Now you start crying? It's like in Watership Down, when Hazel dies, and Fiver goes looking for him but it's too late.
Hazel's dead.
Nothing in the rabbit warren will ever be the same.
There's your rabbit! That was a horrible thing to do.
We just buried my best friend! I thought she'd be OK.
I thought we'd exorcise her and the three of us would be friends, and hang out together, and we'd all have shiny hair, and amazing skin, all glossy, and happy, and smelling really good ENGINE RUMBLES AND SPUTTERS ENGINE GRINDS TO A HAL I guess that was bound to happen eventually.
There's no way a taxi's going to come and get us all the way out here.
Do you have any friends? Friends who are alive and extremely gullible? MUSIC: Hungry Like The Wolf Duran Duran Oh, I see you, your beautiful, pale face, looking radiant in the moonlight.
What do we say when he asks us what we're doing out here? We tell him we're lesbians.
Lesbians who like it rough and dirty in a forest.
Lesbians who like a pine-fresh scent.
Hey.
Hi.
Who's your friend? Raquel, this is Jake.
Well, any friend of Amy's is a friend, and potential sexual partner, of mine.
The more the merrier.
Are you getting in, or are you just going to stand there like a pair of lesbians? BUZZER RINGS Hello.
What were you guys doing out here anyway? Amy likes the smell of trees.
You were sniffing trees? That is just about the worst lie I've ever heard.
It's ridiculous.
See, the thing is now you've got my imagination running riot.
And you don't want that.
Ever.
Do you want to come inside? I just want to go home.
Or you could come back to mine.
Always an option.
Just putting that out there.
We should talk, get our ducks in a row about what happened earlier.
OK.
Just for a minute.
I'll wait here and then I want to hear all about these ducks, yeah.
If anyone asks, Suzanne's gone travelling.
India, Nepal, other bullshit places people go to jerk off and discover themselves.
You need to pack for her, stuff she'd take - passport, bikini, feminine hygiene products.
My brother doesn't know about any of this stuff, OK? He fancies you, so he's probably just thinking about his dick.
Tyler? In the kitchen.
Your friend's here.
Hi.
What is he doing here? What does he want? I don't know.
You are so obviously lying.
You need to get my brother out of the way while I talk to him.
And how am I supposed to do that? I am not having sex with your brother just so you can have a chat with this guy.
You obviously like him.
Flick the fast-forward switch and get to the jiggy bit.
Maybe I'd like to get to know him first.
Do that after.
Flip it on its head.
Flip my brother's head.
I did not sign up for this.
You're going to have to learn how to think on your feet, roll with the punches and other metaphors.
You're part of this thing now.
No.
No, I'm not.
I work in a bowling alley.
Do you? Yes.
I have a shift tomorrow, at one.
Good luck with that.
Who is this guy? OK.
I really needed that.
We both did.
Mmm.
They didn't do a very good job on your nails, then, did they? You said you were going to a nail bar.
Looks like you've been digging in dirt.
We were digging for worms.
OK, any particular reason why? Amy likes to fish in the river.
Really? I didn't know there were fish in there.
What did you catch? Goldfish Mm.
.
.
starfish cod.
Anything with scales, gills .
.
flippers.
Here's an idea, why don't you show Amy your bedroom? Hmm.
Because that would be very weird.
She was just saying on the way over here how much she would like to see it.
Weren't you, Amy? I was.
I am itching to see it.
Well, don't just stand there, like an enormous limp dick.
Ask her.
Would you like to see my bedroom, Amy? I would love to see your bedroom.
Go on, then.
Enjoy.
OK.
Erm, it's this way.
You think you can just turn up at my home? That is not OK.
I should crack your skull like an egg.
You're in danger.
Really? No shit.
And whose fault is that? My fault.
That's right.
It's all your fault.
I'm glad we're both clear on that.
Don't Don't look at me like that.
So, this is where the magic happens.
And by "magic", I mean sleeping.
Mainly sleeping.
Nice.
It's very roomy.
Room to swing a cat or a dog.
A small pony if you wanted to.
Shetland.
That guy, Sawyer.
There was a really weird atmosphere between him and Raquel.
Is he Raquel's boyfriend? Could be.
She's asked you not to tell me, hasn't she? So secretive.
I mean, he was desperate to see her.
Do you think I did the wrong thing by letting him wait? No.
I'm glad you and Raquel are mates.
I mean, she'd kill me for saying it, but she doesn't find it easy connecting with people.
I got that.
So, that's the tour.
I haven't offered you a beer.
Do you want a beer? No.
No, thank you.
I'm going to go and get my beer.
Don't.
I'll be back.
Got you! Should I kiss you? This is fine.
Really? Don't move.
This is how I like it.
Oh, yeah.
This is really working for me.
Eh.
Yeah.
Me, too.
Yeah, this is This is great.
I know how you feel about me.
Maybe that's never going to change.
But you have to listen to me.
I heard something.
Yeah, what's that? This demon guy, he's a real nasty shit, he's coming after you.
Why? Because of who you are.
MUSIC: Relax by Frankie Goes To Hollywood Ooh! Ah! Ohh! Ah! Ohh! So, what am I supposed to do? You remember that place we used to go to, out in the woods? You mean that shitty old house? That's not how I remember it.
We had some great times there.
We should go and stay there.
Just while we figure out what's going on.
You'll be safe there.
If you want to take a trip down memory lane, you're doing it on your own.
I'm trying to protect you.
I don't need you to protect me.
I never have.
Leave me alone.
You know I can't do that.
CLANG It's them.
Raquel? LIGHT SWITCH CLICKS What's happened? Oh, I don't know.
All the lights went out.
All right.
I'll go check the fuses.
I'll draw them away, you lock the doors.
Do not go out there.
If you want to go after him, maybe you should.
HE GROANS THUD What was that? It's foxes.
Foxes having sex.
They have barbs .
.
on their dicks.
It's a basic design flaw.
I have to go.
Raquel, don't.
Raquel.
# Relax, don't do it When you want to suck it to it Arsehole.
.
.
When you want to come You OK? Have you been eating garlic? I have to go, too.
What's going on? Look, I'm coming with you.
No! You take your clothes off and get into bed.
I'm coming back for this bad boy.
We'll flick the switch and fast-forward to the jiggy bit.
OK.
CLATTERING It's OK.
Even you pussies should be able to handle him now.
Move.
My baby-sitter's on the clock.
# .
.
But shoot it in the right direction # Make making it your intention # Live those dreams Scheme those schemes # Gotta hit me Hit me! # Hit me Hit me! # Hit me with your laser beams! Ah! Ow, ow, ow Raquel? .
.
When you want to come Raquel! # Relax, don't do it # When you want to go to it # Relax, don't do it When you want to come Whoa! What's going on? We need you to drive us somewhere.
Where? I'll give you directions as we go.
Oh, all very intriguing and mysterious.
We're kind of in a hurry.
Er, kind of in a hurry to get in a traffic accident.
HE CLEARS HIS THROA You need to drive faster.
Drive faster! You know, it would help if I knew where we were going.
We're not exactly sure.
Just drive.
OK, slow down, slow down.
Faster, slower What is this? Take the next left.
So, we're obviously following this van.
What van? There - the van we're following.
Is there a van? Ohhadn't noticed.
Right? Uhthink so.
Oh, OK - you two need to start telling me why we're following this suspicious, rapey-looking van.
It's better if we don't tell you.
Better for who, eh? Cos I'm not loving it.
Friends, we tell each other things.
There's an exchange of information leading to intimacy.
Go left.
HE SIGHS OK.
So, sometimes, if I've run out of toilet paper, I use sliced bread to clean myself.
If I've run out of that, I used slices of ham.
It's like a poor man's wet wipe.
I'm sharing that with you.
I really wish you hadn't.
Hey, it ain't always pretty.
Don't get too close.
You're too close! Too close to the van we're not following?! You wouldn't believe us, even if we told you.
OK.
Fine - you're obviously in some kind of trouble, so Whatever it is, I'm in.
Always running towards the flames.
Head down, balls out.
Oh, the ice rink, eh? Some bad memories of this place.
I was attempting a one-and-a-half flip-tuck axel stag jump.
Execution was beautiful.
Till I landed.
Shattered my wrist.
If you listen carefully, you can still hear it click.
You hear that? A lot of people thought I was on my way to being the greatest figure skater this country's ever known.
Sowhat are these guys doing here, anyway? It's Raquel's boyfriend.
She thinks he's cheating on her.
With members of his ice hockey team.
Oh, man! No-one likes to think of their boyfriend being bummed by a gang of butch ice hockey players.
Do you reckon they keep those gloves on when they're doing it? That's aweird and disturbing image.
I'm going in.
You should wait here.
Really? Are you sure? You want to see your boyfriend getting effed up the A? On ice? HE SIGHS Big gloves pushing your face down.
Cold on your cheek.
Rough leather gloves on your naked back.
Searing pain in your rectum.
Raquel! Wait Raquel! I thought I told you to wait inside the car.
Well, turns out waiting in the car isn't really an option any more, is it? It is, if you're just a girl who works in a bowling alley.
Part of me wants to just be a girl who works in a bowling alley.
But then I met you.
You made me realise I wasn't totally crazy.
So now, I am running towards the flames.
Head down, balls out.
Balls out.
It's a good look for you.
If I'm going balls out, you need to tell me who this guy is.
SHE SIGHS Why can't you just admit you were shagging him? Say it - you shagged him, didn't you? He's my dad.
He's my demon dad.
He's your dad.
That guy? Seriously? He possessed my real dad, and jizzed inside my mum.
My mum got pregnant with me So, now you know.
That means you're You're If he's And he's your dad, then you're Half-demon.
When I hit puberty, I started seeing him.
DOOR OPENS DOOR CLOSES I thought I was crazy.
Always told me that he loved me, could never accept it - accept him.
After my dad died, he jumped bodies and came back.
Why didn't you tell me? You should have told me.
What? "Oh, hi, I'm Raquel.
"I'm the bastard daughter of a demon.
" I didn't want to lie to you.
I hate to point out the obvious contradiction.
You hunt demons.
You're one of them.
Or half a one.
THEY GRUN SHE PANTS All the time I was growing up, I felt like a freak.
It ruined my life.
Ugh! Oh! I thought if I could stop that happening to just one other person.
Oh! Agh! .
.
that would be something.
Something good could come out of it.
SHE GRUNTS WITH EFFOR You hate demons.
I get it.
Pretty sure he does, too.
PHONE RINGS Is everything all right? Mr Snuggles? Yeah, he's always losing him.
LAUGHING: Yeah, that bloody monkey.
Yeah, I swear I could rip the stuffing right out of him.
Try the toy box? Yeah, you got him.
OK.
No, um Hopefully, I shouldn't be too much longer.
OK, I'll ring you when I'm leaving.
Bye, bye-bye-bye.
Kids, eh? Drive you nuts.
Why did they bring him to an ice rink? Are demons into figure skating or something? "Do demons like figure skating?" Did you really just ask me that? I'm not familiar with their leisure pursuits.
They brought him to an ice rink because they're going to pierce his heart with a shard of ice.
It's one of the ways they can send him back to the underworld.
That's close enough.
I need a shard of ice.
How big? About the size of your dick? Is your dick big enough to pierce his heart? I guess Probably.
Get me a big-dick-size shard of ice.
Total lack of respect.
As usual.
SHE MOUTHS: Wait here.
PHONE GAME BLEEPS HE GRUNTS HE GROWLS CRUNCHING SOUND Argh! Jeez! Ugh! FOOTSTEPS APPROACH In your dreams.
OK.
Lay him down.
Uh! Oh! Looks like we might have an audience.
No Raquel! Hey, honey.
Are you with us? RAQUEL GROANS Hey! Hey.
Oh, there she is.
Keep hold of her.
Guess she's going to find this kind of upsetting.
Ah! You should have run.
I couldn't.
I hate to ruin this beautiful and touching moment, but I have to get home for my baby-sitter.
Oh! That is cold on your knees.
RAQUEL WHIMPERS MERCY READS LATIN INCANTATION RATTLING ELECTRICITY CRACKLES INCANTATION CONTINUES GLASS SHATTERING POP MUSIC PLAYS SHE CONTINUES CHANTING PIERCING SOUND No! No! ELECTRICITY FIZZES AND CRACKLES Nono What do I do? Tell me what I do.
You're special.
You always were.
All I ever wanted was for you to know I love you.
I know.
Then everything's OK.
Nono No, no, no.
You don't try and fight him.
Run.
Run.
No No, no ROARING SOUND No RAQUEL SOBS LOUD MUSIC PLAYS Busted! Yeah! Yeah, you'd better run! You ice hockey bum boys! Class act! SIGHS And no matter how many times I rejected him, how much I hurt him .
.
he always came back.
He never gave up on me.
He wouldn't give up.
Guess being a demon doesn't necessarily make you a bad dad.
My dad's all human.
He's useless, he really is.
He's always been there.
I'll miss him.
It's like when my dad went to America for work.
He's not bringing me a little toy plane and a T-shirt with "I heart New York" on it.
OK, so that wasn't a great parallel.
CRACKLING All this That was you, right? That wasn't him.
Don't know.
It's never happened before.
He always said I was special.
Demons usually make you infertile, turn you into a big Jaffa.
Maybe that's part of the reason why they're so pissy.
If he can do it and he's your dad, it's In his demon jizz.
I was going to say it was hereditary, but in his demon jizz is the same thing.
He always had to be careful not to get angry or upset If someone cut him up when he was driving, he'd get mad and all the electronics in the car would get fried.
Hi.
What in the name of his holy fuckness is going on? HUMS NERVOUSLY Oh! Are you OK? Um nah, nah.
Not at all.
Not remotely.
When I picked you up in the forest - you're welcome, by the way - I thought you were just a pair of tree-loving lesbians.
Tree-loving lesbians, I can get my head around, but now you're telling me there are demons running around all over the place.
This could take a while.
EXHALES I'm sorry about your dad.
I'm sorry about Suzanne.
Her dying like that it's not your fault.
I shouldn't have blamed you.
And I'm sorry I thought you were a crazy, weird freak.
When did you think I was a crazy, weird freak? When I first met you.
Hm.
Well, I'm sorry I thought you were a wet, delusional, shitty little princess with a big spoon face.
OK.
Anything else we need to apologise for? Think that covers it.
Sure you don't want to come in? Probably shouldn't.
Your brother's expecting to have sex with me.
Oh, my god! You only just met him! You're such a spoon face slut.
Raquel seems nice.
Nice slash totally batshit crazy.
Good you're helping her out with thisstuff.
Getting yourself out there.
Like a whole new you.
What's that supposed to mean? It's justsometimes you're a bit cold and standoffish.
No, I'm not! Hey, no, youshy away from intimacy.
It's no biggy.
Sometimes I pick a really long toenail off and use it as a tooth pick.
Sharing that with you.
Why? Why for the love of God would you do such a thing? I mean, that is beyond gross! You wipe your arse with meat.
Yeah.
Doesn't seem like her.
Her? She's coming along nicely.
Like a sweet cherry tomato ripening on the vine.
Is Amy with you? No, she went home, so you won't be getting any sex.
Sorry she made your balls ache.
You talk to Sawyer? And, how did it go? We worked things out.
Kind of.
Great! Great.
I'm really happy for you.
SCREAMS You killed me, you silly bitch! Suzanne's changed.
Dying's changed her.
She's a blood-sucking monster.
She will suck you dry! Argh - call me! What is this? Pasta with a tomato and garlic sauce.
Tastes like shit.
Actual shit.