Creature Commandos (2024) s01e02 Episode Script

1
[organ music playing]
[thunderclap]
[thunder rumbling]
[shuddering]
I don't feel good
about this, my son.
Shall each man find a wife
for his bosom
and each beast have his mate,
and I be alone?
- No, but
- I yearn for a wife, Father.
What is it to be human
if not for love?
I created you
in the interest of exploring
that infinitesimal space that
falls between life and death.
I have not yet
learned enough from you
to justify doing it again.
You have a wife.
How is it fair that
you know love and I do not?
I am merely saying,
if we give it time
Some would suggest that
if you do not make me a wife,
the only fair remedy
would be for me
to destroy yours, Father.
"That would bring balance
to life," they would say.
No one would say that.
I would say that!
I would!
Am I not someone?
Settle yourself, Eric.
We're already proceeding.
I'm only sharing with you
my doubts.
This is what humans do.
Share feelings without
becoming over-animated.
This is what the mortician
was able to acquire.
- [thunderclap]
- [gasping]
- Oh.
- [gasps]
Oh, my. So beautiful.
This is the face
of my true love.
[thunderclap]
You were born here?
Yeah.
And why are we here now?
[thunderclap]
[theme music playing]
[faucet running]
[soft grunt]
- [Weasel winces]
- [door creaking]
What does that do?
If I press this button,
it activates
an unbearably painful jolt
directly into their brains.
Oh, is cruel, no?
Is the point, yes.
You need to get your shirt off.
Your wounds need cleaning.
[Rick grunts]
[sighs]
So, with the remote,
you control them?
Hypothetically.
They haven't proven themselves
to be extraordinarily obedient.
And the skeleton man,
Dr. Phosphorus?
[Rick] Yeah.
He tried to kill you to get it?
- Yeah.
- Bozhe moi.
Quite a team, hmm?
I promise, Ilana,
I'll get these folks
under control
and I'll keep you safe.
Don't worry.
You're such a kind man.
That is so rare
here in Pokolistan.
I suppose tonight
was not your first battle.
[thunder rumbling]
[thunderclap]
[Nina] Are those your parents?
- Tsk.
- Don't tsk me.
That's not cool.
You can say "no."
How would I know who they are?
[Nina] This was his home
for work.
Not the family's.
They lived up the road.
[sighs]
Whoa.
My father was a scientist,
but he never had
anything like this.
Victor was,
if nothing else, a renegade.
[thunderclap]
Here.
- I was born here.
- [thunderclap]
- [electricity crackling]
- [screaming]
[screaming continues]
- [crackling stops]
- [panting]
[breathing heavily]
[retching]
- My love.
- Wait.
I picked her these flowers.
She must gather her senses.
When a baby is born,
she's known her mother's womb,
and, therefore,
her mother, intimately,
for nine months.
The womb is one's tether
to the universe,
to the fragile social system
of humanity.
But your bride,
she came from nothing
to something in an instant.
[gasping]
She has no tether,
doesn't know where she is
or who we are.
She is but a cluster of fear
and not knowing.
- [thuds]
- [Bride crying]
Stop stirring, dear.
- Please.
- [groaning]
Everything is fine.
- These are for you.
- [thunderclap]
- [screaming]
- But What? But
- [screaming]
- But, but
But I But I picked
these for you.
[screaming echoes]
That sounds horrible.
Well, birth is always horrible.
God's gift to humans
is he lets you forget it.
Science isn't so forgiving.
I am not human.
Oh, stop with the bluff, fish.
You're the only one
of us freaks who is.
We're monsters.
You're a human being
with gills.
The world does not
see it this way.
[sighs] Well, when has
the world ever been right?
- Hmm.
- [creaking]
What are you looking for?
Soon, the general is going
to notice we're missing
and we'll have to feel
that awful shock again.
Well, I've felt worse.
I do not believe you.
Maybe 'cause I'm lying.
- [objects clattering]
- What are you looking for?
A tourmaline necklace.
It should be here somewhere.
What's tourmaline?
A gemstone. Pinkish.
[thunderclap]
Ap-ple.
Good.
- Cap.
- Close. Hat.
- Hat.
- Good.
You're doing fabulously,
my dear.
Why is this drudgery
so important?
You want a bride
who can speak, don't you?
[grunts] Words
get in the way of truth,
drowning out the caterwaul
of one's heart.
- [clinking]
- [Frankenstein sighs]
This.
What is this?
Pret-ty.
Yes, it is pretty,
but what is it called?
Necklace.
[Bride] Neck-lace.
[thunderclap]
And if we find it,
then we can go back?
Yes, if we find it,
we can go back.
Because your bitching
and moaning
is worse than being enslaved
by that gung-ho jarhead.
[radio static]
Yeah,
there's two of them inside.
I guess the rest
are still back at the castle.
- [radio beeps]
- Okay, cool. Out.
- Tanner says
- [Circe] I heard.
[warbling]
Just get the address.
[all] Oh.
[sighs, burps]
[warbling]
[Rick sighs]
- There.
- Thank you, Ilana.
Um
Where is this one from?
Ilana, we
We can't go through this again.
Where?
I was stabbed
in the Persian Gulf.
What about this one?
Ilana, I already told you,
it's just not ethical
for us to
What about
- Don't.
- Do not treat me
like a child, Richard.
Don't you know I'm soon to be
the queen of this country,
and I get what I
want?
Oh, boy.
A boy?
Hardly.
But tonight we are sharing ♪
Mmm.
Despite this odd pairing
You see ♪
[Rick grunting]
- [both moaning]
- [shattering]
Du, du, du, du, du, du ♪
Du, du, du, du, du
Du, du, du ♪
[Alexi] Have you seen
General Flag?
Uh, yeah, why?
Because he should be informed
that two of your teammates
have left the grounds.
Yeah, he's, uh, in there
[Rick and Ilana moaning]
Maybe your should
just give him 30 seconds.
I mean, you've seen
the princess.
I don't know
how he could hold out
for more than 30 seconds,
do you?
[Weasel squeaking]
Ah, you got a point, Weez.
He's an older guy,
probably has a lot
of experience.
Give him a full minute.
This is not funny.
Why are you smiling?
Slow down, bigot.
I'm a freaking skeleton.
It looks like I'm smiling
even when I'm not.
You are not smiling?
Oh, I am.
But you can't tell that.
- [banging on door]
- [Rick and Ilana moaning]
- [banging stops]
- [clattering]
[sighs] May I knock now?
[moaning continues]
[moaning stops]
[door creaking]
[Bride crying] No, no.
Eric, you're frightening her!
[sobbing] No, no, no!
Why won't she let me touch her?
[sobs echoing]
[Bride] No, no, no.
[grunts]
- Eric!
- But I
But I love you.
[gasping, screams]
- Son.
- [growling]
- [gasping]
- [growling]
- [choking]
- You failed. You failed.
You made her for me.
She is to love me!
- [grunts]
- [Victor coughing]
[sobbing]
- [thuds]
- [Victor coughing]
[groaning]
[panting]
I am fine, my dear.
It is fine.
- [thunder rumbling]
- [sobbing]
[rummaging]
[gasps]
[sighs]
Is this it?
[gasps]
[sighs]
It's a wooden horse.
Yes. And it's also
A toy.
For children.
Yes. Precisely.
[chuckles] Hoo-hoo-hoo-hoo!
Mustache.
[laughing]
[Victor] Oh,
you don't like how I look
with a mustache, do you?
[deep voice] I am a silly,
mustachioed man.
[laughing]
[in normal voice] Yes, my dear,
you are doing fabulously.
Mustache.
[both laughing]
Oh, you're such a Dickens.
[laughing]
Oh, I almost forgot.
I got you something. A gift.
Oh. [chuckles]
Hmm?
[rattling]
It is good gift. Thank you.
No, no, no,
that's not the gift.
It's what's inside.
You open the wrapping
and inside is the gift.
Oh, you want me break paper?
- Yes, tear it off.
- Oh.
Oh, oh, uh Oh.
[paper ripping]
[Victor] Open the box.
Oh.
I saw how much you liked it.
It was from
one of the cadavers,
mattered to no one,
so I thought [scoffs]
Here, let me put it on for you.
There.
Beautiful.
[thunderclap]
It means something to you?
[scoffs]
Fine, don't answer.
I don't care.
Can we go now?
[thunderclap]
[gasps]
[thunderclap]
[Bride] Oh, hell.
- [kisses]
- [warbling]
[panting]
- [explosion]
- [Bride screams]
You should've let Alexi tell me
the Bride and Nina were gone.
[sighs] Sue me for being a bro
and doing you a favor.
Some favor.
Seems, according to you,
I can't do anything right.
Oh, I'd forego
the martyr complex,
considering two hours ago,
you were trying to murder me.
Is this one
a dirty Nazi, General?
[gun cocking]
No, he's not a Nazi, GI.
[sighs] Oh, okay.
Where are we going,
General Flag?
These are the trackers
in their bodies.
- [beeping]
- You know where this is?
- Da.
- Go, then. Go.
- [clicks]
- [Alexi chuckles]
Adventure!
We are coming.
Wassup?
[tires screeching]
Ah! [grunts]
[splashing]
[groaning]
- [warbling]
- [grunting]
- [explosion]
- [groans]
Start wearing purple
Wearing purple ♪
- Start wearing purple ♪
- Damn it.
- For me now ♪
- [grunting]
All your sanity and wits
They will all vanish ♪
I promise ♪
It's just a matter of time ♪
So yeah, ah ♪
Start wearing purple ♪
Stop right [grunts]
[gunshots]
Start wearing purple
For me now ♪
All your sanity and wits
They will all vanish ♪
- [grunting]
- I promise ♪
It's just a matter of time ♪
I know you since
You were a-twenty ♪
- I was twenty ♪
- [screaming]
And thought that
Some years from now ♪
[crashing]
A purple little, little lady
Will be perfect ♪
[screaming]
For dirty, old
And useless clown ♪
- So yeah, ah ♪
- [Nina screams]
Start wearing purple ♪
[Nina] Ow! What are you doing?
My ribs.
La, la, la, la, la ♪
Start wearing purple
For me now ♪
- [both screaming]
- All your sanity and wits ♪
They will all vanish ♪
I promise ♪
It's just a matter of time ♪
And know it all From Diogenes
To the Foucault ♪
Ow! Damn it!
That was right in my ears!
From Lozhechkin
to Passepartout ♪
Frickin' magic.
Go! Get out of here!
[grunting]
Start wearing purple
Wearing purple ♪
[grunts]
- Start wearing purple ♪
- [grunts]
- For me now ♪
- [both grunting]
All your sanity and wits ♪
They will all vanish
I promise ♪
It's just a matter of time ♪
So yeah, hoo hah hoo hah ♪
Start wearing purple
Wearing purple ♪
Start wearing purple
For me now ♪
- [yelling]
- Ah!
[both grunting]
[grunts]
[moaning]
So why don't you start
Wearing purple ♪
[both moaning]
Why don't you start
Wearing purple? ♪
[moaning continues]
[grunting]
[moaning continues]
[coughing]
[panting]
You've been sent
by the US government?
- [thuds]
- [Bride grunts]
[panting]
[wheezing]
- [thuds]
- [groans]
Well, I have a message
for your leaders.
[warbling]
- [Bride grunts]
- [screaming]
- [chains breaking]
- [grunts]
- [Bride exclaims]
- [grunts]
- [gasps]
- [exclaims]
[panting]
- [radio static]
- General Flag, come in.
Nina? What the hell are
[Nina] We're being attacked
by Circe and her troops.
- We
- [clicks]
- Stop, dude.
- Shoot.
Nina! Nina, come in.
- [radio static]
- Floor it!
- [engine revving]
- [grunting]
[yelling]
- [grunts]
- [warbling]
What the fuck?
- [panting]
- [gunshots]
[grunting]
- [warbling]
- [both grunting]
- [grunts]
- [thuds]
[gasping]
[gagging]
[screaming]
[Nina gasps]
- [gun cocking]
- [gunshots]
- [glass breaking]
- [gasps]
[grunts]
[gasps]
[thudding]
[Nina gasping for breath]
Guess what I bring you,
Mr. Victor.
Lemon
[gasps softly]
[Frankenstein]
I did what I had to do.
Don't you understand?
He and his wretched giggling
and his horrid
gift-giving powers
were the only obstacles
to our love.
[gasping]
Now we can be together
- [screams]
- [grunts]
[screaming]
[both grunting]
- [screams]
- [grunts]
[screaming]
[screaming continues]
[Bride gasps]
[sobbing]
["American Wedding"
by Gogol Bordello playing]
Have you ever been
To American wedding? ♪
Where is the vodka?
Where is marinated herring? ♪
Where is the musicians
That got the taste? ♪
Where is the supply
That's gonna last three days? ♪
Where is the band
That like fanfare? ♪
Gonna keep it goin'
24 hours ♪
Da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da
Da-da-didi-didi-da-dow ♪
Daa ♪
Dada-dada-dada ♪
Daa ♪
Dada-dada-dada ♪
Dada-dada-dada-dada-dada ♪
Dada-dada-dada ♪
Dada-dada-dada-dada-dada ♪
Super-dada-dada ♪
Instead
It's one in the mornin' ♪
And DJ is patchin' up
The cords ♪
Everybody's full of cake ♪
Staring at the floor ♪
Proper couples
Start to mumble ♪
That it's time to go ♪
People gotta get up early
Yep, they gotta go ♪
Daa ♪
Dada-dada-dada ♪
Daa ♪
Dada-dada-dada ♪
Dada-dada-dada-dada-dada ♪
Dada-dada-dada ♪
Dada-dada-dada-dada-dada ♪
Super-dada-dada ♪
Yeah, people
Gotta get up early ♪
And she's got a boyfriend ♪
And this whole
Fucking thing ♪
Is one huge disappointment ♪
[all gasping]
[guitar twangs]
And nothing gets
These bitches going ♪
Not even Gypsy Kings ♪
Nobody talks about
My supertheory ♪
Of supereverything! ♪
[thunderclap]
[Nina gasping]
Sorry.
[gasping] Go
fuck
yourself.
[gasping continues]
["Ompa til du dor"
by Kaizers Orchestra playing]