Cruel Intentions (2024) s01e02 Episode Script
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1
[Caroline] Previously on
Cruel Intentions.
Where's Annie Grover?
[CeCe]
She's the vice president's daughter.
[Lucien] Say I deliver,
and I get her to pledge Delta Phi,
- what's in it for me?
- [Caroline] I'll give you what you want.
Me.
[Lucien] So you'll be paying Caroline,
your actual daughter,
a visit while you're here?
Yeah, I know. I'm just your stepmother.
I always thought of you
as a little bit mine.
Hi, Professor Chadwick.
I'm CeCe. I'm your TA.
[students clamoring, cheering]
You know, we feel so much better knowing
Scott's got you to look out for him.
[Blaise] That's what best friends are for.
- [moaning]
- [groans]
The Greeks think they own this campus.
And some of them are worse than others.
[theme music playing]
- ["Stella maris diceris" playing]
- [gate creaking]
[music continues]
[music continues]
[Caroline] Good morning.
Today's vote is to determine
the potential new members
who will receive invitations to
Delta Phi Pi's President's Night tonight.
Let's begin.
Proceed.
[CeCe] Lucy Fontaine.
Dad owns car dealerships.
- 5'8". 140 pounds. Equestrian rider.
- [students whispering]
Hmm. Surprising.
Next.
Celerie Chase.
Mom runs a hedge fund.
[moans]
Worth 110 million.
["Selfish Soul" playing]
Legacy.
Overall looks: Seven.
How bad do you want it?
You? [moans] So bad.
[CeCe] Este Holmstrom.
[whispering] She has chlamydia.
Laurie Sanders.
- [gavel bangs]
- [Laurie giggling]
- [gavel bangs]
- [CeCe] Emily McHugh.
[gavel bangs]
Lily Yang. Parents own a yacht.
Wears too much perfume.
Overall looks: Five.
- [gulps, chuckles]
- [gavel bangs]
- Woke.
- [groans]
[CeCe] Kilty Finsland.
Looks: Seven.
Erica Larner. Hooked up with David Dobrik.
April Poppy. Net worth: 300,000.
- Eliza Clarke. Only flies private.
- [gavel bangs]
- Terry Hailey.
- [gavel bangs]
[gavel bangs]
Camille Gottswald.
- 5'5". 130 pounds.
- [panting]
Trust baby. Owns a Banksy.
So, um [chuckles]
you'll put in a good word?
Next.
[CeCe] Annie Grover.
[whispering] Actually, I don't think
we can invite her. She was a no-show
- to welcome
- She's invited.
Okay.
You were saying?
We're here to recognize the hard work,
the dedication, the perseverance
of every single student
in attendance here today.
Speaking of education,
how's it going so far?
Mom. [shushes]
- Mmm, I've heard this one before.
- [chuckles]
and, indeed, to the entire faculty.
- So, tell me.
- [crowd applauding]
[sighs] I-I'm guessing you probably heard
that I didn't go
to Sigma's welcome dinner.
I'm I'm sorry.
Do you think I'm upset?
No, I just
I know it's something that
you wanted to share and I didn't go.
- So
- So what?
I loved it, and it's a great way
to make friends, but that's all.
[crowd applauding, cheering]
As long as you're putting yourself
out there and trying new things.
That's what going off to school
is all about.
Well, I have.
I've met a lot of new people.
- It's a pleasure, sir.
- Thanks for the support.
Cute people?
Just people.
[shutters clicking]
- [vice president] Shall we?
- Yeah.
[chattering]
I infuriate because I care.
Just whatever you do,
I want you to remember
to take all of this into account.
Trust me, it's very hard to forget.
[parent] Yes, you poor dear,
we all feel very sorry for you.
- Good. You should. Hi.
- Hi, Annie.
I'm just saying
you're in a position of power, Annie.
And that means whatever you decide,
people will pay attention to what you do.
So, you're saying
I can't join the rifle team?
- As long as they do background checks.
- Right.
[photographer] Can I get a photo
with the family, Mr. Vice President?
- My lovely wife and daughter.
- [shutter clicking]
- [birds chirping]
- [chattering]
It's exciting, isn't it? [chuckles]
The anticipation in the air. The energy.
Like the seventh-inning stretch
of a perfect game.
What are you talking about now?
I'm not sure.
I think it's a baseball metaphor.
Do you like baseball?
No.
- Okay.
- Sorry.
[sighs] Tonight's the night, CeCe.
President's Night. My night. [chuckles]
I know. I'm, like, really excited.
It's kind of what I was trying
to illustrate with the whole,
you know, baseball thing.
I pulled us back from the brink.
I got us off probation.
And I did all of that
to get us to tonight.
This event is the defining moment
of a Delta Phi's presidency.
I need mine to be perfect.
This is my legacy, CeCe.
Absolutely. I hear you.
And as such, I mean,
invitations are going out,
the party is being organized.
I even have some
of the more frugal sisters
negotiating their price down
for tonight's hair and makeup.
- Frugal?
- I didn't mean Jewish.
[scoffs] I didn't think you did.
Okay, good.
I wasn't questioning your word choice.
I was questioning your judgment.
The last time you tried the cheap option,
we ended up with spray tans that could
have gotten us put on watch lists.
- It won't happen again.
- No mistakes, CeCe.
I'm sorry. I promise
it's gonna be smooth sailing.
No stone left unturned.
- No "I" undotted. No "T" un
- Enough.
Sorry, I've just been fine-tuning
your speech, so I'm a little
Don't worry. I'm just adding
a little flair and flavor to the language.
I don't like flavor.
The focus group likes flavor.
- Focus group?
- For your speech.
I gotta tell you,
it's been performing really well.
I'm talking 80 to 85%
positive response rates.
That doesn't sound as impressive
as you think it does, CeCe.
Uh, trust me, it is.
I got my hands on a Kappa Nu draft,
and it's like a monkey
with a typewriter wrote it.
- Honestly, I do not know
- [phone buzzes]
what they're doing over there.
Plus, scores get even higher
when we show your photo.
People respond really well to your face.
You're lucky.
People used to tell me
I had a real face for radio,
but that was before the
nose job.
Mother. [sighs]
To what do I owe the pleasure?
Caroline, what is wrong with you?
You'll have to be more specific.
I just got a phone call
from Rourke Reynolds's father.
[scoffs] Okay, he may have been
collateral damage, but it saved us.
Your sorority.
Rourke's father
and about half of his constituency
have just pulled out
of what is supposed to be
my PAC's biggest
bipartisan event of the year.
Yes, but I did what had to be done.
- I-I just I thought
- No, no, you didn't think.
And now you've impacted
my professional life.
Okay, okay, okay. I But I have a plan.
Mom, I'm gonna fix this. Okay?
I'm getting Annie Grover.
How can that not be better
than Rourke Reynolds?
I don't want to be
disappointed in you again.
[sniffs]
[exhales deeply]
CeCe.
- [birds chirping]
- [chattering]
I'm so glad that we got back in touch.
You know, you were always
my favorite camper.
Really?
Even after the whole shower curtain thing?
[chuckles]
You know, don't tell
the other junior counselors,
but I thought it was very funny.
Thank you. It was supposed to be.
And it was.
Which is why I am so happy
to reconnect now
and help you find the right people.
It really is so important.
Sure. Yeah. One wrong move
and you can end up on the Faces of Meth.
- [chuckles]
- No, I mean it.
It can seriously end up making or breaking
your entire four years here.
This is bigger than color war.
College is camp times a million.
Um, yeah. So, you're actually serious. I
You know,
I was a lot like you as a freshman.
You know, I thought I knew exactly
what I could do or who I should be.
[scoffs] Well, I actually have no idea
- about either of those things.
- And then this amazing thing happened.
And I stopped worrying about
the shoulds and the coulds, and
and I started thinking about
what I actually believed in, you know?
Where I belonged.
And then I ended up
really finding my people.
You know, people like us.
- Us? In-In what way exactly?
- Mm-hmm.
You'll see.
[person] It's not a fixed construct, Ella.
It's time. We as a society have literally
all agreed to quantify it as such.
That makes it a social construct,
not a fixed construct.
What about Ethiopia?
What about Ethiopia?
It's like eight years behind.
They have a different calendar.
Thirteen months in a year.
And midnight's at 6:00.
- Hi.
- Everyone, um, this is Annie.
Annie, this is the New Political Society.
We welcome all.
Finally, someone cool who gets it.
Oh, well [stammers]I don't know if
I get all of that, but I get other things.
- Hi, Annie. It's so nice to meet you.
- Hi. Oh. Hi, nice to meet you.
[chuckles]
I'm not a fan of your dad's politics.
- Okay.
- Ry.
I was about to say that,
even though I'm not crazy
about your dad's political positions,
I respect that you're your own person
who has your own views.
I am.
Unless the twin I absorbed
in utero miraculously reappears.
- What?
- Nothing.
Oh, I think it was an episode of House
- or something.
- [laughs]
[clears throat] I-I do have my own views.
I'm just trying
to put them all together right now.
- Well, I look forward to hearing them.
- Thank you.
Anyway, the point I was making
is that time is a
It doesn't matter.
Did you all read my article?
[sighs] Yeah.
[Caroline] Lucien.
Lucien?
[Lucien] Yes, dear.
[Caroline sighs] Lucien, I need you
[sighs]
Well, if it isn't the three muske-queers.
That's purgatory.
Pejorative? Derogatory?
I think it's both.
- Push, don't pull.
- [Scott grunts]
What is he doing?
[Blaise] What do you want, Caroline?
- It's President's Night.
- We're aware.
So, you must also be aware that
I'm in need of a solid counterpart.
The right representative
from our brother fraternity.
No, no, no, no. You can't just
come in here and staff out Alpha Gamma.
It's gonna be Lucien.
And he needs to bring a date.
[scoffs] Okay, uh, no disrespect,
but Lucien's not exactly what you'd call
"campaign material."
Smear campaign, maybe.
I respect the disrespect. I like smearing.
I excel at the smearing
Lucien, enough. You will be there tonight,
standing beside me,
with your date on your arm
because that is what will make me happy.
Not only will it make me happy,
but it will make certain alumni happy.
It's my night.
After that, you can run whoever you want
- in your special election.
- Blandsman.
Now, you do realize it doesn't matter
if you run 50 special elections.
If it's Lucien tonight,
then that sets a certain precedent.
And I cannot stress enough
how little I care.
It's Lucien tonight. End of discussion.
- Come on, CeCe.
- CeCe isn't here.
That's right.
I, uh, had a few questions
about the, uh, syllabus.
Oh, yeah? What about it?
Well, the readings you chose,
don't you think, um
Well, they seemed a little one-sided.
[Chadwick] The class is called
"Fascism: Then and Now," CeCe.
The topic doesn't leave a whole lot
- of room for varying viewpoints.
- Right. [scoffs] Sure.
But, um [clicks tongue, inhales deeply]
never mind.
- [chuckles] It's stupid.
- [chuckles] No, what?
Um, well, my father used to call
my mother a fascist, you know?
Whenever he didn't like
what she was asking him to do.
Are they still married?
Yes, but it got me thinking
about fascists, you know?
About how we talk about them and
about what they probably really wanted.
Like, what if for a second
we chose to believe the best in people?
The best in fascists?
[laughs] Okay.
It's time to elect a leader.
There are three candidates.
Candidate A has two mistresses,
chain-smokes and mainlines martinis.
Candidate B has been kicked out of office,
not once but twice,
and drinks a bottle of whiskey a night.
Candidate C's a war hero.
Vegetarian non-smoker.
Never stepped out on a woman in his life.
You just described FDR,
Churchill and Hitler.
Oldest trick in the book.
So, this little thought experiment
was all to say what?
That maybe Hitler
was the right guy for the job?
No, I'm just saying that sometimes
it's easier to know the right answer
when you already know the outcome.
And this relates to fascism
Because, well, they say cynics
are just disappointed romantics.
Well, what if fascists
are just power-hungry philanthropists?
[chuckles] Careful.
All that unchecked optimism.
Somebody's bound to take advantage.
I'm just saying it's a little more nuanced
than your syllabus implies.
[grunts] You're pretty astounding.
- Sorry.
- No, no, no. That's, uh, not a bad thing.
- [Blaise] You're making a mistake.
- [chuckles]
[Caroline] Are we still
talking about this?
[Blaise] Lucien's the wrong choice.
Oh, and I suppose
you have someone else in mind.
- Let me guess.
- I think it should be Scott.
Oh, right. Okay.
So, you wanna be the man behind the man?
Well, look, I've thought a lot about this.
Now, I don't know if you've read
Beatrice Worth's article,
but it's clear
we're at a cultural crossroads.
People on campus, people in general,
aren't exactly crazy
about Greek life right now.
That article is bullshit.
Maybe so, but whether you like it or not,
there's a shift happening,
and we have to get ahead of it.
Oh, and you're seriously coming to me
with Scott Russell as the answer to that?
[sighs] Look. I listened to you
with the Rourke thing. Hell, I helped you.
- You're welcome, by the way.
- But that left us with an opening. Okay?
And you have to admit
that Rourke had a certain significance.
Oh, please. Rourke was
a symmetrical face from a good family.
With a sphere of influence
that extended well beyond
the walls of this godforsaken place.
Blaise, position him
however you want in private,
but let us not forget that he is
an intellectually questionable son
of a conservative congressman.
I do not need Scott Russell.
I do not need Rourke Reynolds. Trust me.
I have someone with infinitely more cachet
than both of them combined.
- Yeah, who? Lucien?
- [scoffs] No.
Lucien has nothing.
I'm talking about Annie Grover.
[sighs] You really think
you're gonna get Annie Grover?
Yes. I do.
- Well, if that's true
- It is.
- then I hope you're right.
- I always am.
[sighs]
[chattering]
[chattering]
Come on, come on, come on.
Caroline, we have a problem.
[Beatrice] So, I don't know
what you're not understanding.
No, I agree with you.
It's that I think you could have hit
the racism thing a little bit harder.
Yeah, but I just don't think
that was necessarily my story to tell.
Besides, I think I did a very good job
of boiling down, you know, everything.
I got exclusionary in there.
I got classist, binary, heteronormative.
I mean, that's all of the buzzwords.
Did you say it kills individuality?
It kills a lot more than that.
I don't know. I mean, I hear the parties
are supposed to be kinda fun.
We love fun but not without principles.
Of course.
Trust us, Annie.
The Greeks are totally awful.
Yeah, yeah. No, no.
You guys are probably right.
It does seem a bit intense.
Intense? It's literally a cult.
It's just privilege begetting privilege,
opening the door for more privilege.
That's why now is the time
to level the playing field,
strike while they're fresh off probation
and still vulnerable.
- What do you mean?
- I mean, the article was good,
but the administration
is never really gonna do anything.
Yeah, look at the Scott Russell thing.
Daddy gets up in arms, they expel Rourke.
[Beatrice] And they let
the rest of them off.
- So, what are you guys gonna do?
- Hunger strike.
- A sit-in, maybe.
- [Beatrice] Ah,
the administration wouldn't care, guys.
It's the same thing.
Nothing works without real publicity.
Real publicity?
I think we can get the story to my uncle.
You know, he's on the editing staff
at Time Magazine.
Time Magazine?
Do you have an uncle?
If we can get him interested,
it could end up being national news.
[Caroline] What are you
doing in this room?
Shopping.
I thought you were meant to be
delivering me Annie Grover.
See, Annie needs a bit of a gentler touch.
She's not one to be bullied.
Fine. Make love, not war.
Do it quickly because, as is,
it appears she's being positively caressed
by a pack of lesbians.
Really?
Maybe she's exploring her sexuality.
With Beatrice Worth?
See, I don't think Beatrice is a lesbian.
Yes, I'm aware you fucked Beatrice Worth.
But by fucking her, you fucked me too.
- Now, I think I'd remember that.
- Okay.
[chuckles] Okay, calm down. I got this.
A little free advice for you.
Never tell a woman to calm down.
And I don't know if you do got this,
because I don't think you realize
that what I need is for you
to be standing next to me tonight,
and I need Annie
to be standing next to you.
So, Annie's your solve
for us and Mommy dearest?
She's the vice president's daughter.
She's the 1200-pound bluefin tuna
to replace a net full of flounder.
And who's the flounder?
Rourke. Rourke's the flounder.
And I'm the fisherman?
- So what does that make your mom?
- Okay. Look, it doesn't matter.
I'm trusting you, so don't let me down.
- The fishmonger?
- Forget about the fucking fish.
Hey, sorry. You introduced a metaphor.
- I'm just trying to help.
- Look, we need Annie.
She's the only thing that gives us
the security we need right now.
- [Lucien] Mm-hmm.
- I got us off probation, but
- I helped.
- [scoffs] More like didn't hinder.
But Annie Grover is the key.
She is what gets Delta Phi
back up to proper standing,
so I need you to get her for me.
Do you understand that?
Let me see if I do.
What I'm hearing is
how all this affects you,
your house, your reputation.
And I've heard what will
happen if I don't pull this off.
[Caroline sighs]
What I'm not hearing is
how any of this affects me.
- I told you that I want her
- Hmm.
and you agreed.
So, until you get her, all of her,
in every way that I want,
you won't get your reward.
Does that clear things up for you?
So, she rushes and I fuck her.
And then I, uh
I get to fuck you.
Yes.
And if you don't,
there will be consequences.
Oh. There's consequences too now?
Can't let you have all the fun.
Okay, so what'll it be?
I get your car.
The one I don't currently
have in my own possession.
One and the same.
Okay. [sighs]
Pleasure doing business with you.
It will be.
[phone beeping]
Hey, I need a favor.
[chattering]
- [vendor] Here you go.
- [Beatrice] Thank you.
You know they say
sugar-free causes cancer, right?
In rats. Do I look like a rat?
Well, funny you should mention it.
What do you want, Lucien?
I just wanted to say
sorry for not calling.
What are you talking about?
After the night that we spent together,
I never called. I know you must be upset.
Is that my sweater?
Look, I know I'm an asshole,
but I'm saying sorry now, okay?
And?
You wrote your article,
you got your revenge.
Let's cut the shit. I know
you've been talking to Annie Grover.
What, do you think
I'm going around broadcasting
the fact that we had mediocre sex?
Maybe she just doesn't like you.
I mean, most people don't.
That's really hurtful, you know?
After all we shared.
Why are you still talking to me?
'Cause I wanna know
what you said to Annie.
[sighs] Again, I don't talk about you.
I don't think about you.
- So
- Don't you?
Look, on a list of things
I don't care about,
you and this conversation
are at the very top.
Well, just stay out of it, okay?
Great.
[Caroline] CeCe, do we have an update
on Annie Grover and the lesbians?
Not yet,
but my satellite people are on it.
Open.
[Caroline] What's all this?
You can close now.
Follows directions well.
New house sweetheart.
[Caroline] Uh,
we don't need a new house sweetheart.
What do you mean?
It's tradition.
We have to have a house sweetheart.
Rourke's out.
Lucien's standing in as president for now,
but he can't be your sweetheart too.
I mean, he's your brother.
- Not by blood.
- Still.
The whole stepsibling thing
raises more questions than it answers.
- Outside of the porn community.
- Okay.
I don't care
what kind of porn you're into,
we have more important
things to focus on right now.
- I don't need a sweetheart.
- These guys are the cream of the crop.
Seriously.
I've got 'em rated on looks,
likability, breeding, malleability
It is my President's Night, CeCe.
I thought we were clear
on how critical this is for me.
I know. I'm just trying to help.
I mean,
there's never been a single president.
- Except, well, Buchanan, but he had King.
- Who?
James Buchanan.
Fifteenth President of the United States.
He didn't have a wife.
He did have a best friend, William King,
but everyone knows they were more.
Everyone. Who's everyone?
Historians. People. I don't know.
Did you know
about the whole William King thing?
Okay, I don't care about
Buchanan or King or sweethearts.
I need you to not question me because
I do not need another coach on the field.
- I'm calling the plays here. You execute.
- Sorry. I just thought
No, I don't need you to think, CeCe,
because, frankly,
you're not very good at it.
[chattering]
[sighs]
[clicks tongue]
[sighs]
["all-american bitch" playing]
Forgive and I forget ♪
I know my age and I act like it ♪
Got what you can't resist ♪
I'm a perfect all-American bitch ♪
With perfect all-American lips ♪
And perfect all-American hips ♪
I know my place, I know my place
And this is it ♪
All the time ♪
[no audible dialogue]
[shutter clicks]
I'm pretty when I cry ♪
All the time ♪
I'm grateful all the time ♪
[shutter clicks]
I'm sexy and I'm kind ♪
I'm pretty when I cry ♪
- [shutter clicks]
- [music ends]
[chattering]
Evening, Mr. President.
[student] Where are you going?
Send that shit!
[cheering, whistling]
- [chattering]
- [shutter clicks]
[birds chirping]
Hi. Good to see you.
Hi. Love your dress.
[student] Oh, my God. She is so pretty.
- Hey, Caroline.
- Hi.
You, um, look stunning.
Oh, thank you.
- Your hair's so shiny.
- [laughs]
Is that a Keratin treatment?
No, it's natural.
Oh, duh.
- Sorry, I Sorry.
- Great to see you.
- Hi.
- Caroline.
Hi.
You know,
my aunt was a Delta Phi at U Miami.
- Miami?
- [softly] Owns a club. Think spring break.
Miami. We love legacy here.
Me too, totally.
Thank you for coming.
6.5 rating, according to the formula.
But the Miami contact could be worth it.
Fair enough.
- Hi.
- Two, please.
- Hey, Caroline.
- Hi.
I wanted to say hello.
I'm friends with your brother.
Oh, I'm sure a very good friend.
So, he mentioned me?
Well, he talks a lot.
- Enjoy the party.
- Thanks.
[chattering]
[person] Hi.
[Blaise] We don't have a president yet,
so you'll be the only rush class
to actively choose who represents you.
As they say, representation matters.
It's the way of the future, I think.
[Brian] Hey, okay.
Everyone's getting started without me.
Hi, I'm Brian Blandsman. I was the VP.
I'm right up there on that board.
Brian Blandsman. I'm the VP.
Vice Prez. Vice Prez.
You know, you can just call me Julia
Louis-Dreyfus, because I'm the Veep.
You ever see that show?
It's really good actually.
Every brother deserves
to have their voice heard.
It's, uh, the only fair way to do this.
It's your civic duty. Democracy in action,
and, boys, it's more exciting than that.
- Yeah!
- [all cheering]
Really good, man. That was nice work.
Hey, good to see you.
Good to see you, man.
[chattering]
- Scott, have you seen Lucien?
- Huh?
Dude, I think I just swallowed
one of my Invisaligns.
What do you How?
I don't know, but I only have one now,
and that's the bottoms.
Okay, look [stammers]
I need you to do me a favor, okay?
I just I feel like I would've noticed
if I swallowed an Invisalign.
- Right?
- Yeah, I mean, probably.
Uh, look, I need you
to keep an eye on things over here
while I go find Lucien, okay?
- Maybe I left them in the bathroom.
- Okay.
You take out your Invisalign
to go to the bathroom?
Yeah, but only sometimes. So
- That's weird.
- [scoffs] Okay, why
[sighs] Never mind.
You don't think someone,
like, stole it, do you?
It's molded to your mouth.
Yeah. So?
So why would someone [scoffs]
Hey, nice to meet you.
I'm Brian Blandsman.
I'll probably be first
in alphabetical order on the ballot, so
Okay, bud, focus up.
I'm gonna leave you in charge here, okay?
- Do you think you can handle that?
- Uh
Okay, I am gonna be back in a minute.
Just smile, nod,
maybe throw in a wave or two.
- Okay?
- Okay.
[chattering, laughing]
- Hey.
- What's up?
[chuckles] Hi.
- Hi.
- [clicks tongue] Hi.
So, I have something for you.
- A gift?
- [phone buzzing]
All I had to do was not return your texts?
[Lucien] What can I say?
I'm a glutton for punishment.
[clicks tongue, huffs]
Cassidy Featherstone?
[Lucien] In case you want to be
someone else sometime.
- [scoffs] What, like a cowgirl stripper?
- [buzzing continues]
You like it?
Um, it's useful and creative.
Is someone bleeding out somewhere?
[Annie] Someone somewhere
is probably, yeah.
Thanks for the gift.
I don't know what happened here,
but, I mean,
I enjoyed myself the other night,
and I thought you did too.
- Okay.
- [buzzing continues]
Well, I I'm gonna go.
I gotta text my friend.
I don't know what you heard
between then and now.
It was probably bad, worse or true.
But I have other positive qualities, okay?
- You expect me to believe that?
- Well, I mean, I haven't lied to you yet.
How would I know?
You're probably very good at it.
- Well, that's a positive.
- [buzzing continues]
No, it's not.
The way that I see it is, you haven't
completely closed the door on me yet.
[Lucien chuckles]
Lucien, I don't trust you.
I'm not asking you to.
I'm asking you not to not to.
Well, now I'm just confused.
So, you'll give me another chance?
To do what?
Whatever you want.
President's Night.
[buzzing continues]
Or whatever your friend wants to do.
And you'll do it with me?
[chattering]
[CeCe] You don't want to change that?
- Which part?
- Right there.
[stammers] It's fine.
What's wrong with it?
Nothing. Um, there's just a dangling
- Well, I like it dangling.
- Okay.
- What about this?
- No.
Oh, the prodigal son returns.
- So is Lucien
- [Blaise] Still MIA.
[Caroline groans]
What has shown up,
interestingly enough, is a news crew.
- Mmm.
- A news crew?
So, you didn't know.
I thought it was all part of your
master plan for positive publicity.
Nobody watches the news.
I think some people actually do.
Where did you see this alleged news crew?
Moving slowly,
but rather menacingly down the road.
[Caroline] Hmm. That's interesting.
[Blaise] I thought so too.
- CeCe?
- [sighs] Yeah.
You don't think it still has to do
with the Scott hazing incident,
- do you?
- CeCe.
- Hmm?
- [Caroline] Care to share?
Have you chosen right now
to pen the great American novel
on your notes app,
or do you have some
pertinent information for us?
Oh. Oh.
[gasps] It's happening.
Annie Grover's on her way here right now.
- Oh.
- According to who?
- My satellite people.
- Satellite people?
It's best left unexamined.
You need to get ready.
If she's coming, we gotta start now.
You're suddenly all out of pretty words
about Lucien and my choices.
As of now.
You know, Phalaris used
to burn his critics to death
inside a hollowed out bronze bull?
If I recall, Phalaris was burned alive
inside the bull too.
Idiot.
CeCe.
[guests cheering, clamoring]
- Good evening, everyone.
- [shutter clicks]
Good evening, Delta Phi.
Good evening to the entire row.
Tonight, as you all know,
or should know by now
- [shutter clicks]
- is President's Night.
[guests applauding, cheering]
A night when we open
our doors in celebration
to welcome in a new rush class.
But also, and perhaps more importantly,
tonight is the night
to usher in a new era of leadership.
My name is Caroline Merteuil,
and I am honored
to be your president, Delta Phi.
[guests applauding, cheering]
Since our founding in 1875,
just 15 years after our country
was ravaged by discord and division,
the women of Manchester College
recognized what America had just learned,
that a house divided cannot stand.
And so, out of division,
these women came together.
To support one another,
to lift one another up.
[protesters chanting] Greek life
has got to go! Hey, hey! Ho, ho!
[Caroline] To fight,
together, for our rights.
We must remember these
[protesters] Greek life has got to! Hey,
hey! Ho, ho! Greek life has got to go!
Hey, hey! Ho, ho!
Greek life has got to go!
We must remember these women.
Women who fought so hard
- No, no, no. It's not over.
- against fierce opposition
[CeCe] Where are you going? Stop.
and sacrificed so much
to secure a brighter future for us.
[protesters] Hey, hey! Ho, ho!
Greek life has got to go!
Hey, hey! Ho, ho!
Greek life has got to go!
[Caroline] Delta Phi has always promoted
a culture of community, of support.
And we will continue to empower
the women of Manchester College.
It is classist!
It's exclusionary!
And it's violent!
- [protester] Racist!
- [protesters clamoring]
We will continue
to fight to defy expectations.
To stand stronger,
to unite this house against the forces,
the people, that try to divide us,
to undermine us,
and all the good we have achieved
in the name of Delta Phi.
[protesters chanting] Greek life
has go to go! Hey, hey! Ho, ho!
Greek life has go to go! Hey, hey! Ho, ho!
Greek life has go to go! Hey, hey! Ho, ho!
Greek life has go to go! Hey, hey! Ho, ho!
[chanting continues]
[Caroline] You may think you have power.
You may think you can take us down.
But just know
we will be here.
I will be here
until the fucking curtain comes down.
[protesters] Hey, hey! Ho, ho!
Greek life has go to go!
[chanting continues]
[theme music playing]
[Caroline] Next on Cruel Intentions.
We are Delta Phi.
We are proud. We must remain proud.
There have always been
people who wanna take that away from us,
but we must not be discouraged.
[Lucien] I think bangs
are always a good idea,
and there's nothing better
than a good bang.
[CeCe] I just wanted to personally
- deliver a congratulatory gift.
- [grunts]
It would make it even hotter
if you were president of Alpha Gamma.
[Lucien] Care to take a dip?
We don't have bathing suits.
[Lucien] Hasn't stopped me before.
[Caroline] If you want to fuck me,
you better not fuck me.
[Lucien] I guess now's the fun part.
[Caroline] Previously on
Cruel Intentions.
Where's Annie Grover?
[CeCe]
She's the vice president's daughter.
[Lucien] Say I deliver,
and I get her to pledge Delta Phi,
- what's in it for me?
- [Caroline] I'll give you what you want.
Me.
[Lucien] So you'll be paying Caroline,
your actual daughter,
a visit while you're here?
Yeah, I know. I'm just your stepmother.
I always thought of you
as a little bit mine.
Hi, Professor Chadwick.
I'm CeCe. I'm your TA.
[students clamoring, cheering]
You know, we feel so much better knowing
Scott's got you to look out for him.
[Blaise] That's what best friends are for.
- [moaning]
- [groans]
The Greeks think they own this campus.
And some of them are worse than others.
[theme music playing]
- ["Stella maris diceris" playing]
- [gate creaking]
[music continues]
[music continues]
[Caroline] Good morning.
Today's vote is to determine
the potential new members
who will receive invitations to
Delta Phi Pi's President's Night tonight.
Let's begin.
Proceed.
[CeCe] Lucy Fontaine.
Dad owns car dealerships.
- 5'8". 140 pounds. Equestrian rider.
- [students whispering]
Hmm. Surprising.
Next.
Celerie Chase.
Mom runs a hedge fund.
[moans]
Worth 110 million.
["Selfish Soul" playing]
Legacy.
Overall looks: Seven.
How bad do you want it?
You? [moans] So bad.
[CeCe] Este Holmstrom.
[whispering] She has chlamydia.
Laurie Sanders.
- [gavel bangs]
- [Laurie giggling]
- [gavel bangs]
- [CeCe] Emily McHugh.
[gavel bangs]
Lily Yang. Parents own a yacht.
Wears too much perfume.
Overall looks: Five.
- [gulps, chuckles]
- [gavel bangs]
- Woke.
- [groans]
[CeCe] Kilty Finsland.
Looks: Seven.
Erica Larner. Hooked up with David Dobrik.
April Poppy. Net worth: 300,000.
- Eliza Clarke. Only flies private.
- [gavel bangs]
- Terry Hailey.
- [gavel bangs]
[gavel bangs]
Camille Gottswald.
- 5'5". 130 pounds.
- [panting]
Trust baby. Owns a Banksy.
So, um [chuckles]
you'll put in a good word?
Next.
[CeCe] Annie Grover.
[whispering] Actually, I don't think
we can invite her. She was a no-show
- to welcome
- She's invited.
Okay.
You were saying?
We're here to recognize the hard work,
the dedication, the perseverance
of every single student
in attendance here today.
Speaking of education,
how's it going so far?
Mom. [shushes]
- Mmm, I've heard this one before.
- [chuckles]
and, indeed, to the entire faculty.
- So, tell me.
- [crowd applauding]
[sighs] I-I'm guessing you probably heard
that I didn't go
to Sigma's welcome dinner.
I'm I'm sorry.
Do you think I'm upset?
No, I just
I know it's something that
you wanted to share and I didn't go.
- So
- So what?
I loved it, and it's a great way
to make friends, but that's all.
[crowd applauding, cheering]
As long as you're putting yourself
out there and trying new things.
That's what going off to school
is all about.
Well, I have.
I've met a lot of new people.
- It's a pleasure, sir.
- Thanks for the support.
Cute people?
Just people.
[shutters clicking]
- [vice president] Shall we?
- Yeah.
[chattering]
I infuriate because I care.
Just whatever you do,
I want you to remember
to take all of this into account.
Trust me, it's very hard to forget.
[parent] Yes, you poor dear,
we all feel very sorry for you.
- Good. You should. Hi.
- Hi, Annie.
I'm just saying
you're in a position of power, Annie.
And that means whatever you decide,
people will pay attention to what you do.
So, you're saying
I can't join the rifle team?
- As long as they do background checks.
- Right.
[photographer] Can I get a photo
with the family, Mr. Vice President?
- My lovely wife and daughter.
- [shutter clicking]
- [birds chirping]
- [chattering]
It's exciting, isn't it? [chuckles]
The anticipation in the air. The energy.
Like the seventh-inning stretch
of a perfect game.
What are you talking about now?
I'm not sure.
I think it's a baseball metaphor.
Do you like baseball?
No.
- Okay.
- Sorry.
[sighs] Tonight's the night, CeCe.
President's Night. My night. [chuckles]
I know. I'm, like, really excited.
It's kind of what I was trying
to illustrate with the whole,
you know, baseball thing.
I pulled us back from the brink.
I got us off probation.
And I did all of that
to get us to tonight.
This event is the defining moment
of a Delta Phi's presidency.
I need mine to be perfect.
This is my legacy, CeCe.
Absolutely. I hear you.
And as such, I mean,
invitations are going out,
the party is being organized.
I even have some
of the more frugal sisters
negotiating their price down
for tonight's hair and makeup.
- Frugal?
- I didn't mean Jewish.
[scoffs] I didn't think you did.
Okay, good.
I wasn't questioning your word choice.
I was questioning your judgment.
The last time you tried the cheap option,
we ended up with spray tans that could
have gotten us put on watch lists.
- It won't happen again.
- No mistakes, CeCe.
I'm sorry. I promise
it's gonna be smooth sailing.
No stone left unturned.
- No "I" undotted. No "T" un
- Enough.
Sorry, I've just been fine-tuning
your speech, so I'm a little
Don't worry. I'm just adding
a little flair and flavor to the language.
I don't like flavor.
The focus group likes flavor.
- Focus group?
- For your speech.
I gotta tell you,
it's been performing really well.
I'm talking 80 to 85%
positive response rates.
That doesn't sound as impressive
as you think it does, CeCe.
Uh, trust me, it is.
I got my hands on a Kappa Nu draft,
and it's like a monkey
with a typewriter wrote it.
- Honestly, I do not know
- [phone buzzes]
what they're doing over there.
Plus, scores get even higher
when we show your photo.
People respond really well to your face.
You're lucky.
People used to tell me
I had a real face for radio,
but that was before the
nose job.
Mother. [sighs]
To what do I owe the pleasure?
Caroline, what is wrong with you?
You'll have to be more specific.
I just got a phone call
from Rourke Reynolds's father.
[scoffs] Okay, he may have been
collateral damage, but it saved us.
Your sorority.
Rourke's father
and about half of his constituency
have just pulled out
of what is supposed to be
my PAC's biggest
bipartisan event of the year.
Yes, but I did what had to be done.
- I-I just I thought
- No, no, you didn't think.
And now you've impacted
my professional life.
Okay, okay, okay. I But I have a plan.
Mom, I'm gonna fix this. Okay?
I'm getting Annie Grover.
How can that not be better
than Rourke Reynolds?
I don't want to be
disappointed in you again.
[sniffs]
[exhales deeply]
CeCe.
- [birds chirping]
- [chattering]
I'm so glad that we got back in touch.
You know, you were always
my favorite camper.
Really?
Even after the whole shower curtain thing?
[chuckles]
You know, don't tell
the other junior counselors,
but I thought it was very funny.
Thank you. It was supposed to be.
And it was.
Which is why I am so happy
to reconnect now
and help you find the right people.
It really is so important.
Sure. Yeah. One wrong move
and you can end up on the Faces of Meth.
- [chuckles]
- No, I mean it.
It can seriously end up making or breaking
your entire four years here.
This is bigger than color war.
College is camp times a million.
Um, yeah. So, you're actually serious. I
You know,
I was a lot like you as a freshman.
You know, I thought I knew exactly
what I could do or who I should be.
[scoffs] Well, I actually have no idea
- about either of those things.
- And then this amazing thing happened.
And I stopped worrying about
the shoulds and the coulds, and
and I started thinking about
what I actually believed in, you know?
Where I belonged.
And then I ended up
really finding my people.
You know, people like us.
- Us? In-In what way exactly?
- Mm-hmm.
You'll see.
[person] It's not a fixed construct, Ella.
It's time. We as a society have literally
all agreed to quantify it as such.
That makes it a social construct,
not a fixed construct.
What about Ethiopia?
What about Ethiopia?
It's like eight years behind.
They have a different calendar.
Thirteen months in a year.
And midnight's at 6:00.
- Hi.
- Everyone, um, this is Annie.
Annie, this is the New Political Society.
We welcome all.
Finally, someone cool who gets it.
Oh, well [stammers]I don't know if
I get all of that, but I get other things.
- Hi, Annie. It's so nice to meet you.
- Hi. Oh. Hi, nice to meet you.
[chuckles]
I'm not a fan of your dad's politics.
- Okay.
- Ry.
I was about to say that,
even though I'm not crazy
about your dad's political positions,
I respect that you're your own person
who has your own views.
I am.
Unless the twin I absorbed
in utero miraculously reappears.
- What?
- Nothing.
Oh, I think it was an episode of House
- or something.
- [laughs]
[clears throat] I-I do have my own views.
I'm just trying
to put them all together right now.
- Well, I look forward to hearing them.
- Thank you.
Anyway, the point I was making
is that time is a
It doesn't matter.
Did you all read my article?
[sighs] Yeah.
[Caroline] Lucien.
Lucien?
[Lucien] Yes, dear.
[Caroline sighs] Lucien, I need you
[sighs]
Well, if it isn't the three muske-queers.
That's purgatory.
Pejorative? Derogatory?
I think it's both.
- Push, don't pull.
- [Scott grunts]
What is he doing?
[Blaise] What do you want, Caroline?
- It's President's Night.
- We're aware.
So, you must also be aware that
I'm in need of a solid counterpart.
The right representative
from our brother fraternity.
No, no, no, no. You can't just
come in here and staff out Alpha Gamma.
It's gonna be Lucien.
And he needs to bring a date.
[scoffs] Okay, uh, no disrespect,
but Lucien's not exactly what you'd call
"campaign material."
Smear campaign, maybe.
I respect the disrespect. I like smearing.
I excel at the smearing
Lucien, enough. You will be there tonight,
standing beside me,
with your date on your arm
because that is what will make me happy.
Not only will it make me happy,
but it will make certain alumni happy.
It's my night.
After that, you can run whoever you want
- in your special election.
- Blandsman.
Now, you do realize it doesn't matter
if you run 50 special elections.
If it's Lucien tonight,
then that sets a certain precedent.
And I cannot stress enough
how little I care.
It's Lucien tonight. End of discussion.
- Come on, CeCe.
- CeCe isn't here.
That's right.
I, uh, had a few questions
about the, uh, syllabus.
Oh, yeah? What about it?
Well, the readings you chose,
don't you think, um
Well, they seemed a little one-sided.
[Chadwick] The class is called
"Fascism: Then and Now," CeCe.
The topic doesn't leave a whole lot
- of room for varying viewpoints.
- Right. [scoffs] Sure.
But, um [clicks tongue, inhales deeply]
never mind.
- [chuckles] It's stupid.
- [chuckles] No, what?
Um, well, my father used to call
my mother a fascist, you know?
Whenever he didn't like
what she was asking him to do.
Are they still married?
Yes, but it got me thinking
about fascists, you know?
About how we talk about them and
about what they probably really wanted.
Like, what if for a second
we chose to believe the best in people?
The best in fascists?
[laughs] Okay.
It's time to elect a leader.
There are three candidates.
Candidate A has two mistresses,
chain-smokes and mainlines martinis.
Candidate B has been kicked out of office,
not once but twice,
and drinks a bottle of whiskey a night.
Candidate C's a war hero.
Vegetarian non-smoker.
Never stepped out on a woman in his life.
You just described FDR,
Churchill and Hitler.
Oldest trick in the book.
So, this little thought experiment
was all to say what?
That maybe Hitler
was the right guy for the job?
No, I'm just saying that sometimes
it's easier to know the right answer
when you already know the outcome.
And this relates to fascism
Because, well, they say cynics
are just disappointed romantics.
Well, what if fascists
are just power-hungry philanthropists?
[chuckles] Careful.
All that unchecked optimism.
Somebody's bound to take advantage.
I'm just saying it's a little more nuanced
than your syllabus implies.
[grunts] You're pretty astounding.
- Sorry.
- No, no, no. That's, uh, not a bad thing.
- [Blaise] You're making a mistake.
- [chuckles]
[Caroline] Are we still
talking about this?
[Blaise] Lucien's the wrong choice.
Oh, and I suppose
you have someone else in mind.
- Let me guess.
- I think it should be Scott.
Oh, right. Okay.
So, you wanna be the man behind the man?
Well, look, I've thought a lot about this.
Now, I don't know if you've read
Beatrice Worth's article,
but it's clear
we're at a cultural crossroads.
People on campus, people in general,
aren't exactly crazy
about Greek life right now.
That article is bullshit.
Maybe so, but whether you like it or not,
there's a shift happening,
and we have to get ahead of it.
Oh, and you're seriously coming to me
with Scott Russell as the answer to that?
[sighs] Look. I listened to you
with the Rourke thing. Hell, I helped you.
- You're welcome, by the way.
- But that left us with an opening. Okay?
And you have to admit
that Rourke had a certain significance.
Oh, please. Rourke was
a symmetrical face from a good family.
With a sphere of influence
that extended well beyond
the walls of this godforsaken place.
Blaise, position him
however you want in private,
but let us not forget that he is
an intellectually questionable son
of a conservative congressman.
I do not need Scott Russell.
I do not need Rourke Reynolds. Trust me.
I have someone with infinitely more cachet
than both of them combined.
- Yeah, who? Lucien?
- [scoffs] No.
Lucien has nothing.
I'm talking about Annie Grover.
[sighs] You really think
you're gonna get Annie Grover?
Yes. I do.
- Well, if that's true
- It is.
- then I hope you're right.
- I always am.
[sighs]
[chattering]
[chattering]
Come on, come on, come on.
Caroline, we have a problem.
[Beatrice] So, I don't know
what you're not understanding.
No, I agree with you.
It's that I think you could have hit
the racism thing a little bit harder.
Yeah, but I just don't think
that was necessarily my story to tell.
Besides, I think I did a very good job
of boiling down, you know, everything.
I got exclusionary in there.
I got classist, binary, heteronormative.
I mean, that's all of the buzzwords.
Did you say it kills individuality?
It kills a lot more than that.
I don't know. I mean, I hear the parties
are supposed to be kinda fun.
We love fun but not without principles.
Of course.
Trust us, Annie.
The Greeks are totally awful.
Yeah, yeah. No, no.
You guys are probably right.
It does seem a bit intense.
Intense? It's literally a cult.
It's just privilege begetting privilege,
opening the door for more privilege.
That's why now is the time
to level the playing field,
strike while they're fresh off probation
and still vulnerable.
- What do you mean?
- I mean, the article was good,
but the administration
is never really gonna do anything.
Yeah, look at the Scott Russell thing.
Daddy gets up in arms, they expel Rourke.
[Beatrice] And they let
the rest of them off.
- So, what are you guys gonna do?
- Hunger strike.
- A sit-in, maybe.
- [Beatrice] Ah,
the administration wouldn't care, guys.
It's the same thing.
Nothing works without real publicity.
Real publicity?
I think we can get the story to my uncle.
You know, he's on the editing staff
at Time Magazine.
Time Magazine?
Do you have an uncle?
If we can get him interested,
it could end up being national news.
[Caroline] What are you
doing in this room?
Shopping.
I thought you were meant to be
delivering me Annie Grover.
See, Annie needs a bit of a gentler touch.
She's not one to be bullied.
Fine. Make love, not war.
Do it quickly because, as is,
it appears she's being positively caressed
by a pack of lesbians.
Really?
Maybe she's exploring her sexuality.
With Beatrice Worth?
See, I don't think Beatrice is a lesbian.
Yes, I'm aware you fucked Beatrice Worth.
But by fucking her, you fucked me too.
- Now, I think I'd remember that.
- Okay.
[chuckles] Okay, calm down. I got this.
A little free advice for you.
Never tell a woman to calm down.
And I don't know if you do got this,
because I don't think you realize
that what I need is for you
to be standing next to me tonight,
and I need Annie
to be standing next to you.
So, Annie's your solve
for us and Mommy dearest?
She's the vice president's daughter.
She's the 1200-pound bluefin tuna
to replace a net full of flounder.
And who's the flounder?
Rourke. Rourke's the flounder.
And I'm the fisherman?
- So what does that make your mom?
- Okay. Look, it doesn't matter.
I'm trusting you, so don't let me down.
- The fishmonger?
- Forget about the fucking fish.
Hey, sorry. You introduced a metaphor.
- I'm just trying to help.
- Look, we need Annie.
She's the only thing that gives us
the security we need right now.
- [Lucien] Mm-hmm.
- I got us off probation, but
- I helped.
- [scoffs] More like didn't hinder.
But Annie Grover is the key.
She is what gets Delta Phi
back up to proper standing,
so I need you to get her for me.
Do you understand that?
Let me see if I do.
What I'm hearing is
how all this affects you,
your house, your reputation.
And I've heard what will
happen if I don't pull this off.
[Caroline sighs]
What I'm not hearing is
how any of this affects me.
- I told you that I want her
- Hmm.
and you agreed.
So, until you get her, all of her,
in every way that I want,
you won't get your reward.
Does that clear things up for you?
So, she rushes and I fuck her.
And then I, uh
I get to fuck you.
Yes.
And if you don't,
there will be consequences.
Oh. There's consequences too now?
Can't let you have all the fun.
Okay, so what'll it be?
I get your car.
The one I don't currently
have in my own possession.
One and the same.
Okay. [sighs]
Pleasure doing business with you.
It will be.
[phone beeping]
Hey, I need a favor.
[chattering]
- [vendor] Here you go.
- [Beatrice] Thank you.
You know they say
sugar-free causes cancer, right?
In rats. Do I look like a rat?
Well, funny you should mention it.
What do you want, Lucien?
I just wanted to say
sorry for not calling.
What are you talking about?
After the night that we spent together,
I never called. I know you must be upset.
Is that my sweater?
Look, I know I'm an asshole,
but I'm saying sorry now, okay?
And?
You wrote your article,
you got your revenge.
Let's cut the shit. I know
you've been talking to Annie Grover.
What, do you think
I'm going around broadcasting
the fact that we had mediocre sex?
Maybe she just doesn't like you.
I mean, most people don't.
That's really hurtful, you know?
After all we shared.
Why are you still talking to me?
'Cause I wanna know
what you said to Annie.
[sighs] Again, I don't talk about you.
I don't think about you.
- So
- Don't you?
Look, on a list of things
I don't care about,
you and this conversation
are at the very top.
Well, just stay out of it, okay?
Great.
[Caroline] CeCe, do we have an update
on Annie Grover and the lesbians?
Not yet,
but my satellite people are on it.
Open.
[Caroline] What's all this?
You can close now.
Follows directions well.
New house sweetheart.
[Caroline] Uh,
we don't need a new house sweetheart.
What do you mean?
It's tradition.
We have to have a house sweetheart.
Rourke's out.
Lucien's standing in as president for now,
but he can't be your sweetheart too.
I mean, he's your brother.
- Not by blood.
- Still.
The whole stepsibling thing
raises more questions than it answers.
- Outside of the porn community.
- Okay.
I don't care
what kind of porn you're into,
we have more important
things to focus on right now.
- I don't need a sweetheart.
- These guys are the cream of the crop.
Seriously.
I've got 'em rated on looks,
likability, breeding, malleability
It is my President's Night, CeCe.
I thought we were clear
on how critical this is for me.
I know. I'm just trying to help.
I mean,
there's never been a single president.
- Except, well, Buchanan, but he had King.
- Who?
James Buchanan.
Fifteenth President of the United States.
He didn't have a wife.
He did have a best friend, William King,
but everyone knows they were more.
Everyone. Who's everyone?
Historians. People. I don't know.
Did you know
about the whole William King thing?
Okay, I don't care about
Buchanan or King or sweethearts.
I need you to not question me because
I do not need another coach on the field.
- I'm calling the plays here. You execute.
- Sorry. I just thought
No, I don't need you to think, CeCe,
because, frankly,
you're not very good at it.
[chattering]
[sighs]
[clicks tongue]
[sighs]
["all-american bitch" playing]
Forgive and I forget ♪
I know my age and I act like it ♪
Got what you can't resist ♪
I'm a perfect all-American bitch ♪
With perfect all-American lips ♪
And perfect all-American hips ♪
I know my place, I know my place
And this is it ♪
All the time ♪
[no audible dialogue]
[shutter clicks]
I'm pretty when I cry ♪
All the time ♪
I'm grateful all the time ♪
[shutter clicks]
I'm sexy and I'm kind ♪
I'm pretty when I cry ♪
- [shutter clicks]
- [music ends]
[chattering]
Evening, Mr. President.
[student] Where are you going?
Send that shit!
[cheering, whistling]
- [chattering]
- [shutter clicks]
[birds chirping]
Hi. Good to see you.
Hi. Love your dress.
[student] Oh, my God. She is so pretty.
- Hey, Caroline.
- Hi.
You, um, look stunning.
Oh, thank you.
- Your hair's so shiny.
- [laughs]
Is that a Keratin treatment?
No, it's natural.
Oh, duh.
- Sorry, I Sorry.
- Great to see you.
- Hi.
- Caroline.
Hi.
You know,
my aunt was a Delta Phi at U Miami.
- Miami?
- [softly] Owns a club. Think spring break.
Miami. We love legacy here.
Me too, totally.
Thank you for coming.
6.5 rating, according to the formula.
But the Miami contact could be worth it.
Fair enough.
- Hi.
- Two, please.
- Hey, Caroline.
- Hi.
I wanted to say hello.
I'm friends with your brother.
Oh, I'm sure a very good friend.
So, he mentioned me?
Well, he talks a lot.
- Enjoy the party.
- Thanks.
[chattering]
[person] Hi.
[Blaise] We don't have a president yet,
so you'll be the only rush class
to actively choose who represents you.
As they say, representation matters.
It's the way of the future, I think.
[Brian] Hey, okay.
Everyone's getting started without me.
Hi, I'm Brian Blandsman. I was the VP.
I'm right up there on that board.
Brian Blandsman. I'm the VP.
Vice Prez. Vice Prez.
You know, you can just call me Julia
Louis-Dreyfus, because I'm the Veep.
You ever see that show?
It's really good actually.
Every brother deserves
to have their voice heard.
It's, uh, the only fair way to do this.
It's your civic duty. Democracy in action,
and, boys, it's more exciting than that.
- Yeah!
- [all cheering]
Really good, man. That was nice work.
Hey, good to see you.
Good to see you, man.
[chattering]
- Scott, have you seen Lucien?
- Huh?
Dude, I think I just swallowed
one of my Invisaligns.
What do you How?
I don't know, but I only have one now,
and that's the bottoms.
Okay, look [stammers]
I need you to do me a favor, okay?
I just I feel like I would've noticed
if I swallowed an Invisalign.
- Right?
- Yeah, I mean, probably.
Uh, look, I need you
to keep an eye on things over here
while I go find Lucien, okay?
- Maybe I left them in the bathroom.
- Okay.
You take out your Invisalign
to go to the bathroom?
Yeah, but only sometimes. So
- That's weird.
- [scoffs] Okay, why
[sighs] Never mind.
You don't think someone,
like, stole it, do you?
It's molded to your mouth.
Yeah. So?
So why would someone [scoffs]
Hey, nice to meet you.
I'm Brian Blandsman.
I'll probably be first
in alphabetical order on the ballot, so
Okay, bud, focus up.
I'm gonna leave you in charge here, okay?
- Do you think you can handle that?
- Uh
Okay, I am gonna be back in a minute.
Just smile, nod,
maybe throw in a wave or two.
- Okay?
- Okay.
[chattering, laughing]
- Hey.
- What's up?
[chuckles] Hi.
- Hi.
- [clicks tongue] Hi.
So, I have something for you.
- A gift?
- [phone buzzing]
All I had to do was not return your texts?
[Lucien] What can I say?
I'm a glutton for punishment.
[clicks tongue, huffs]
Cassidy Featherstone?
[Lucien] In case you want to be
someone else sometime.
- [scoffs] What, like a cowgirl stripper?
- [buzzing continues]
You like it?
Um, it's useful and creative.
Is someone bleeding out somewhere?
[Annie] Someone somewhere
is probably, yeah.
Thanks for the gift.
I don't know what happened here,
but, I mean,
I enjoyed myself the other night,
and I thought you did too.
- Okay.
- [buzzing continues]
Well, I I'm gonna go.
I gotta text my friend.
I don't know what you heard
between then and now.
It was probably bad, worse or true.
But I have other positive qualities, okay?
- You expect me to believe that?
- Well, I mean, I haven't lied to you yet.
How would I know?
You're probably very good at it.
- Well, that's a positive.
- [buzzing continues]
No, it's not.
The way that I see it is, you haven't
completely closed the door on me yet.
[Lucien chuckles]
Lucien, I don't trust you.
I'm not asking you to.
I'm asking you not to not to.
Well, now I'm just confused.
So, you'll give me another chance?
To do what?
Whatever you want.
President's Night.
[buzzing continues]
Or whatever your friend wants to do.
And you'll do it with me?
[chattering]
[CeCe] You don't want to change that?
- Which part?
- Right there.
[stammers] It's fine.
What's wrong with it?
Nothing. Um, there's just a dangling
- Well, I like it dangling.
- Okay.
- What about this?
- No.
Oh, the prodigal son returns.
- So is Lucien
- [Blaise] Still MIA.
[Caroline groans]
What has shown up,
interestingly enough, is a news crew.
- Mmm.
- A news crew?
So, you didn't know.
I thought it was all part of your
master plan for positive publicity.
Nobody watches the news.
I think some people actually do.
Where did you see this alleged news crew?
Moving slowly,
but rather menacingly down the road.
[Caroline] Hmm. That's interesting.
[Blaise] I thought so too.
- CeCe?
- [sighs] Yeah.
You don't think it still has to do
with the Scott hazing incident,
- do you?
- CeCe.
- Hmm?
- [Caroline] Care to share?
Have you chosen right now
to pen the great American novel
on your notes app,
or do you have some
pertinent information for us?
Oh. Oh.
[gasps] It's happening.
Annie Grover's on her way here right now.
- Oh.
- According to who?
- My satellite people.
- Satellite people?
It's best left unexamined.
You need to get ready.
If she's coming, we gotta start now.
You're suddenly all out of pretty words
about Lucien and my choices.
As of now.
You know, Phalaris used
to burn his critics to death
inside a hollowed out bronze bull?
If I recall, Phalaris was burned alive
inside the bull too.
Idiot.
CeCe.
[guests cheering, clamoring]
- Good evening, everyone.
- [shutter clicks]
Good evening, Delta Phi.
Good evening to the entire row.
Tonight, as you all know,
or should know by now
- [shutter clicks]
- is President's Night.
[guests applauding, cheering]
A night when we open
our doors in celebration
to welcome in a new rush class.
But also, and perhaps more importantly,
tonight is the night
to usher in a new era of leadership.
My name is Caroline Merteuil,
and I am honored
to be your president, Delta Phi.
[guests applauding, cheering]
Since our founding in 1875,
just 15 years after our country
was ravaged by discord and division,
the women of Manchester College
recognized what America had just learned,
that a house divided cannot stand.
And so, out of division,
these women came together.
To support one another,
to lift one another up.
[protesters chanting] Greek life
has got to go! Hey, hey! Ho, ho!
[Caroline] To fight,
together, for our rights.
We must remember these
[protesters] Greek life has got to! Hey,
hey! Ho, ho! Greek life has got to go!
Hey, hey! Ho, ho!
Greek life has got to go!
We must remember these women.
Women who fought so hard
- No, no, no. It's not over.
- against fierce opposition
[CeCe] Where are you going? Stop.
and sacrificed so much
to secure a brighter future for us.
[protesters] Hey, hey! Ho, ho!
Greek life has got to go!
Hey, hey! Ho, ho!
Greek life has got to go!
[Caroline] Delta Phi has always promoted
a culture of community, of support.
And we will continue to empower
the women of Manchester College.
It is classist!
It's exclusionary!
And it's violent!
- [protester] Racist!
- [protesters clamoring]
We will continue
to fight to defy expectations.
To stand stronger,
to unite this house against the forces,
the people, that try to divide us,
to undermine us,
and all the good we have achieved
in the name of Delta Phi.
[protesters chanting] Greek life
has go to go! Hey, hey! Ho, ho!
Greek life has go to go! Hey, hey! Ho, ho!
Greek life has go to go! Hey, hey! Ho, ho!
Greek life has go to go! Hey, hey! Ho, ho!
[chanting continues]
[Caroline] You may think you have power.
You may think you can take us down.
But just know
we will be here.
I will be here
until the fucking curtain comes down.
[protesters] Hey, hey! Ho, ho!
Greek life has go to go!
[chanting continues]
[theme music playing]
[Caroline] Next on Cruel Intentions.
We are Delta Phi.
We are proud. We must remain proud.
There have always been
people who wanna take that away from us,
but we must not be discouraged.
[Lucien] I think bangs
are always a good idea,
and there's nothing better
than a good bang.
[CeCe] I just wanted to personally
- deliver a congratulatory gift.
- [grunts]
It would make it even hotter
if you were president of Alpha Gamma.
[Lucien] Care to take a dip?
We don't have bathing suits.
[Lucien] Hasn't stopped me before.
[Caroline] If you want to fuck me,
you better not fuck me.
[Lucien] I guess now's the fun part.