Crunch Time (2016) s01e02 Episode Script

1 [flare strikes and burns.]
Welcome to the Brain Frame.
[flare burning, music builds.]
[instrumental music.]
HOBBS: The Brain Frame.
So it's a machine that allows you to place yourself inside another person's mind.
Sure.
In layman's terms, I guess you could put it that way.
So you go inside Hannah's head? How does that even look? It looked - Weird.
- It looked like a shitty sewer.
Looks like a shitty sewer.
- Is this Hannah's mind? - No.
This is the Brain Frame.
It's the physical manifestation of the program I built.
Well, where's Hannah? Hannah's mind is behind these hatches.
Where the Brain Frame is filtering and partitioning - her subconscious into dreams.
- This place is a dump.
It's not a dump.
It's utilitarian.
Well, I would have designed it way better.
Guys.
Like I'm talkin' I would've put some strippers over here.
Maybe just a little cocaine dispenser over here.
And then that thing, whatever that thing is doing, it would instead be dispensing strawberry daiquiris - because I love a good daiquiri.
- Guys! - I can't breathe.
- What do you mean you can't breathe? I made a mistake! - We're gonna die in here! - No, no, no.
Larry ran a statistical analysis.
- Our chances of dying are very low.
- Low? How low? - Twelve percent.
- Twelve per ?! Oh fuck! I just wanted to get her back and now we're gonna die in here! The walls are closing in! Let me out! - I gotta get out of here! - Hey! Hey, Sam, it's just a panic attack, bud.
Alright, before I dropped out I was honors psych, I know what I'm doin'.
Feels like you're going crazy, like you're losing your mind? Can't catch your breath? - Can't breathe.
- Yeah, that's normal.
I read that Scarlett Johansson gets panic attacks all the time and what does she have to panic about? Nothing.
She's got like the fourth hottest tatties in the world.
- Great tatties.
- So I need you to breathe in for five for me, hold for two, and out for five.
Five, two, five.
[panicked exhaling.]
You're not gonna die in here, okay? 'Cause I got your back.
Berkman's got your back.
Berkman's got your back.
- Mhm.
- Berkman's got your back.
Sing it with me.
(together) Berkman's got your back.
- That's right.
- (together) Berkman's got your back.
I'm gonna hit the harmony, you do the part.
(together) Berkman's got your back.
That's great.
Knew you were good for something.
Larry how's that hospital room? It's coming your way in hatch numero three.
Uh.
Hospital? I thought we could create a scene where I'm riding a horse, shirtless, uh with a six-pack.
I'm holding flowers and these gluten-free cupcakes that she likes.
No, we're only using elements that are fresh in her mind.
Nothing fake or foreign.
Foreign is bad.
Unless it's Pakistani poon.
Am I right? Whoa! Now, we know she's regularly been confronting death with her aunt's cancer.
Assuming she's fighting for her life, fighting against finality.
- Whereas - Hannah wants to euthanize our love.
Yes.
So we're gonna create a mini crisis with a high recall probability.
And transfer her fear of losing her aunt to her relationship with you.
I have no idea what you just said.
We're going to say that Sam has cancer and that you're going to be the doctor who says that the only cure is not breaking up with him.
That's manipulative.
But I like it.
Can I still have a six-pack? Larry, how much longer on the current dream sequence? LARRY: T-minus two minutos.
- Wait, she's dreaming right now? - Yep.
In, uh, hatch number uno.
Hannah? Hannah, no.
- No, no, no, no, no! - What is it? She's with another man and they're having sex! I gotta check this out.
[satisfied moans.]
Oh, man, that's that's Casper Van Dien! Hannah.
You totally made the right decision in breaking up with Sam! Oh! Casper! Yes! Never surrender! Never retreat! Never stop doing me! Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Did you say Casper Van Dien? Like Starship Troopers one and three Casper Van Dien? Yeah, and he's incredible in Omega Code .
- Will you get me his autograph? - Larry.
Casper Van Dien is not real.
He's just Hannah's mind remembering seeing Starship Troopers earlier in the day.
And how the hell would I bring an autograph back? I I dunno.
I'm just a member of the Casper fan Diens.
- It's the Casper Van Dien fan club.
- Oh, shut the hell up, Larry! Guys, I need to get you into hatch three pronto.
[satisfied grunting and moaning.]
Hannah! Tell me about your day.
Tell me about your day! I bought a pair of jeans.
I'm worried I look fat in them.
You look great in every pair of jeans.
[satisfied scream.]
- Berkman.
- Yeah.
[camera clicks.]
[creaking noises and music.]
Okay, now Sam, remember you can't overtly state your desires.
You have to let her subconscious figure it out on its own otherwise it'll never stick when she wakes up.
Sounds like a great plan.
But uh Who's this woman? The jello is stale today.
Aunt Lisa? Larry, what the hell is going on? I dunno! Hospitals must be a familiar dream setting so her subconscious is just auto-filling characters in.
Could you find that Latino woman and get her to fluff my pillows? - What do we do? - We gotta get her out of here now.
- Okay, let's go.
- Whoa, Whoa! - Easy, man.
She's got cancer.
- Oh, she's not real! Sam, get in bed.
Guys.
Guys.
The Van Dien bone session's about to end and she seems very satisfied.
Your hair looks great! [wild moaning.]
That guy has got stamina, huh? Oh my, you're so rough! Shut up, dream woman! Remember the scenario! Okay, got it.
Hannah.
How's it going? Or, uh (weak) How's it going? Sam? Sam, are you okay? [coughing.]
(weak) I'm sick, Hannah.
I'm super [coughing.]
super sick.
What's going on? My apologies, but It doesn't look good.
What is it, Doctor? He's dying.
From a broken dick.
- What? - What?! Broken heart.
- Heart.
- My heart - Hannah, it hurts.
- HANNAH: Is there any cure, Doctor? There's one thing.
But it's very experimental.
Okay.
You would have to - sleep with his best friend, Berkman.
- What? Berkman, stop! Berkman? I think I made out with that guy Freshman year.
- I think he has crabs now.
- No, he doesn't have crabs.
- If he did, it's treatable.
- Shut up, shut up! Look, you just need to get back together with Sam, okay? Sam is the only one who knows how to treat you right.
Like remember when I got you all those tea tree candles from Costco last week? You love those candles.
Wait, what's going on? What is this? AUNT: Hannah! - Hannah, they're not real! - Ahhhh.
Larry! Cancel the sequence now! The scenario isn't ready yet! I don't care! Get us out now! What? Hannah! Hannah, take me back, please! Uh Remember the good times, Hannah please! Wait, where'd she go? Damn it, Sam.
I told you not to explicitly state anything, now her subconscious is on to us.
It's his fault.
What was all that "Berkman's got your back" stuff? Hey, I was just riffing a bit - I was workshopping the script.
- I hate you so much.
- [thump.]
- What's that sound? - It's an interstitial.
- A what? Between REM cycles the mind enters - a hypnagogic state that - Hey, bud, English.
Otherwise it's gonna go right over Sam's head.
Between all the big dreams you have a lot of mini dreams.
They're mostly just free associative random bursts.
- HANNAH: [startled grunting.]
- Hey! Hannah.
How's it going? - What the fuck are you guys doing here? - Oh.
Well, uh the three of us Uh, we went to It's kind of hard to explain.
- We went - [techno music.]
What is this? Everybody just hang tight, this will be over in a second.
WOO! Yeah! [techno music.]
I'm gonna vomit! [silence.]
Is it over? Okay, did you guys see Charlie Chaplin kissing Abraham Lincoln? I mean open your eyes, they are not gonna teach you that stuff in history books.
Larry.
Where are we? This is not part of my design.
I've never seen this simulation before.
You're off the grid.
This doesn't seem that bad.
(in the distance) Ho ho ho! Feliz navidad! Guys? Hannah.
Her body is freaking out up here.
(creepy laughter in the distance) Oh god.
Hannah's having a nightmare.
[suspense music.]
- [silence.]
- MULLINS: Why Santa? Yeah, that's - Pretty fucking weird.
- That's what you think is weird? I tell you my ex-boyfriend breaks into my brain, cues a nightmare, and your first question is, "Why Santa?" Why did you start dating Sam? So now you want to hear about my dating history? Listen, Hannah.
You see, Sam seems to think your relationship is the reason why this whole thing started.
Of course he does.
[scoffs.]
I thought you guys wanted to hear about my nightmare.
[music.]
Oh, this is bad, you guys.
Oh no.
- Oh no.
- Hannah! Don't freak out.
What is this? Where are we? This is my nightmare.
From when I was eight.
What are you guys doing here? Well, uh, you're not gonna believe it.
But Sam hooked you up to Connor's doggy dream machine which was originally my idea, because he wanted to trick you - into taking him back.
- You did what? Well, it sounds a lot worse when he says it.
Um You were gonna give up on us and I kinda panicked.
- But I had this machine that - God damn it, Sam.
This.
This is the problem.
This is why we broke up.
You're so selfish.
How do you not see that? - Oh - [power drains.]
[alarms go off.]
Oh, this is bad.
LARRY: We've got a problem.
Everything's down.
The system, the lights - We're on battery.
- Oh shit.
This is a full on night terror.
We've gotta get somewhere safe now.
Come on! LARRY: God dang it! Everything went red! Connor! Okay.
Hannah.
Tell me everything you can about this dream, and be very specific.
Okay.
Okay.
[breathing heavy.]
It was December 24th.
It was late.
I was tired, but I couldn't sleep.
I was just too excited about Santa.
My mind was racing.
So I thought maybe if I watched a movie it would help me go to sleep, or at least pass the time until morning.
Maybe I'd even see Santa come down the chimney.
So I snuck into our living room.
And turned on the TV.
I searched for a Christmas movie.
I found one.
One I'd never seen before.
It was this slasher film about an evil Mexican Santa Claus.
Feliz Navidead.
That's the one.
I've had nightmares ever since.
The bodies.
The blood.
And that laugh.
Ho.
Ho.
Ho.
I still hate Christmas.
So that's why you didn't like my Christmas gift this year? It was just a handwritten coupon that said "Date night with Sam.
" Redeemable any time.
Feliz Navidead is the one where Santa kills - all the villagers with the candy cane knife.
- No.
It was the sequel.
Yeah, it was the sequel.
And in the sequel, he kills them with a - [chainsaw revving.]
- [screaming.]
[crazy laughter.]
(speaking Spanish) [crazy laughter.]
I'm about to lose auxiliary power! We won't be able to communicate! [explosion.]
Mexican Santa sucks! Damn it! So if we die in here, do we also die out there? Theoretically - Maybe.
- Maybe? Well, you could wake up with a cerebral hangover.
Well, that doesn't sound that bad.
Where you uncontrollably vomit and diarrhea for a day straight.
Well then I would just die of embarrassment.
Wait! Why doesn't Larry just take off our helmets? No, no, he can't.
The computer is not at full power.
If he takes the helmets off now, we could scramble our brains together.
- You could wake up half Berkman.
- Oh God Hey! - Larry.
- Yeah, boss? In the lab, back of the fridge, there's an adrenaline shot.
Get it and inject it directly into Hannah's heart so we can wake up out of this night terror.
Roger that.
Oh, and Connor.
You can count on me.
There is absolutely no way we can count on him.
We have to find a hatch.
- It could lead us back to the Brain Frame.
- Okay, let's do it.
- Alright, the coast is clear.
- Wait! Ladies first.
[screaming.]
- [chainsaw revving.]
- [screaming.]
- Fuck you, Santa! - [crazy laughter.]
Adrenaline Oh! - Yes! - [glass breaking.]
Oh no.
Oh, classic Larry Shit! CONNOR: There's gotta be a hatch somewhere.
You think you can forgive me for this? - What? Are you insane? - We'll talk later.
Oh, guys, look! [crazy laughter.]
(speaking Spanish) No Santa, not again! (speaking Spanish) HANNAH: (speaking Spanish) Por favor, Santa.
- It's only a dream.
- [crazy laughter.]
Hannah.
You deserve better than me.
You're right, I'm selfish.
And needy.
And my Christmas gift sucked.
I just want you to be happy.
I'm sorry.
Hey! Jolly Saint Dick! You think you're scary? I think you're compensating for something with that chainsaw, pal.
- What's he doing? - He's negging Santa.
You obese, geriatric douche! You can't kill me.
Because you're not real.
None of this is! [chainsaw revving.]
[crazy laughter.]
[chainsaw revving.]
It's real.
It's real.
Run! Run! (speaking Spanish) [squish.]
[Santa grunts.]
[thud.]
Come on, you apes.
You wanna live forever?! Casper Van Dien? You still look great, Hannah.
Yeah, thank you for saving us! I saw you guys have sex, I'm really sorry.
[music.]
You did it.
- Larry, you did it.
- Uh yeah! [glass shatters.]
Yeah, I did! Uh, guys? What about Sam? Is is he dead? He finally did something un-selfish for me.
- And it killed him.
- Oh god.
What have I done? [sharp exhale.]
Sam.
You were an okay boyfriend.
Not the best, but okay.
You were always there for me.
Even when I didn't want you to be.
Thank you for saving us, Sam.
[kiss smack.]
[vomiting.]
- Oh good Lord! - HANNAH: Oh He's not dead! - SAM: Oh god! - It's just a cerebral hangover! This is unprecedented.
Larry, let's get those brain wave readings right now! [vomiting.]
It's good to have you back, bud.
Was I dreaming or did you say I was a good boyfriend? I think that was a dream.
Please just take me back.
Please, come on.
Just one more date.
Please take me back.
Please take me back, I'm sorry I knocked you out, - but please, please, please, please, please! - Okay.
Okay.
Okay.
- Okay! Okay! - One more! - One more.
- Yeah! [flatulence and gurgles.]
[flatulence.]
- [gurgles.]
- Wait, wait, wait.
I did not shit my pants.
- Who said I shit my pants? - He shat everywhere.
It was disgusting.
- And I never agreed to another date.
- Hannah.
We're not here to discuss how bad you are at picking men.
MULLINS: You know what we want to talk about.
Well, I'm not the person to ask.
I was drunk and high most of the time in that stupid lab so I don't remember.
Really anything.
I am sick of this! Okay? We didn't break any laws, we didn't do anything illegal.
We were just experimenting.
Harmless fun.
- Okay, a few things got out of hand.
- Out of hand? Out of hand? That's what you call this? [music.]
[high winds and music.]
- Oh shit.
- Shit.
Shit.
That's our lab, but - what is that thing? - You tell us.
Best case scenario a temporary Einstein-Rosen bridge.
- Nothing to be afraid of.
- And worse case? It's a black hole which will envelop the planet, the solar system, and begin a chain of events which will cause the implosion of the entire universe.
Also known as the Big Crunch.
- How do we stop it? - I don't know.
We don't even know how it got started! Then you're gonna tell us every god damn thing - you did in that lab.
- Everything? - Everything? - Everything? Every single thing? - Because that's kind of a lot of things.
- Everything! [intense music.]
[high winds and music.]
[silence.]