Dalziel and Pascoe (1996) s01e02 Episode Script
An Advancement of Learning
We're gonna have to measure it first.
What's it reckoned to be, then? FRENCH ACCENT: It symbolises youth.
You should see a figure of a young woman.
She'll take a bit of shifting.
Did you make it, like? I'm the artist.
But it was five years ago.
So you'll not want it cut up? Absolutely not! Got the message.
Don't worry.
We'll get help.
SHE MUTTERS IN FRENCH Are you foreign? I'm French.
Thought you must be something! Charlie? My name is Douglas Pearl, here as the legal representative for Ms Anita Sewell.
The facts that bring us here today are, as far as I am aware, not under dispute.
Miss Sewell is reading a joint degree course here but has been told she may not continue because her marks in biology are too low for her to attain the lowest pass level by the end of the course.
Perhaps the principal will confirm that this is so? That is so.
Thank you.
The grounds for this appeal to the governors are simple but painful.
For the past two years, Miss Sewell was the mistress of the senior lecturer in biology, Dr Fallowfield.
She asserts that Dr Fallowfield deliberately falsified her grades to bring about her apparent failure.
She asserts that he ignored agreed procedures in not referring the situation to his head of department.
MACHINERY ROARS I must object to this noise Keep coming.
Straight down there, Charlie.
How fares the inquisition? Adjourned because of inaudibility.
I wasn't sure if I'd be welcome.
The historians are on your side.
And the modern languages department.
Innocent until proved guilty.
It's been in every civilised constitution in history.
A united Europe is behind you.
Possibly not the dynamic duo from the Paleolithic Age.
Mr Fallowfield.
Miss Scotby.
It has been suggested By Miss Disney? .
.
that it is improper for you to be here.
I am suspended from teaching.
I am not suspended from living.
I'm not suspended from coffee break.
Or from spending time with friends.
Hm! Exits left in a cloud of self-righteous indignation.
Batwoman continues to flex her wings.
Excuse me.
What's going on? The usual battles over the high moral ground.
That old thing! What's happening outside? Moving the sculpture.
They're shifting Big Al? Our symbol of virgin youth? I've heard it's not cost-effective.
Oh! This is not to be missed.
The English tradition, yes? Watching people work? Yes.
We love it.
Coming, Sam? Be our guest? No.
I hate that thing.
Education is all creative demolition.
Ellie? Why not? Mr Fallowfield.
Whatever the outcome of the enquiry, even if you are acquitted I'm not on trial, Miss Disney.
.
.
it won't be the end of the affair.
The wages of sin, Mr Fallowfield Is there nothing in your doctrine about turning the other cheek? About loving your enemy? How dare you preach to me? Go on.
Steady.
CROWD CHEERS AND CLAPS There she goes, there she goes.
SINGING CONTINUES Who wants this, then? I'll take it.
'It's all yours, comrade.
'Away you go! 'Nice and easy!' Hold it! Bloody hell! SLAB CREAKS Tell me about this seat of learning.
Holm Coultram College.
Now part of the new University of Mid-Yorkshire.
Full of intellectuals? Very likely.
If the buggers get clever, pretend you didn't hear or understand.
Nothing's funny if it's repeated AND explained.
Noted.
Holm Coultram? Is that where your doxie teaches? Yeah.
Ellie lectures in social sciences.
But where am I going to sleep? I'll get this off to the lab.
So why were you moving this piece of sculpture? It's to make room for a new block.
Computer studies.
Obviously.
Ask silly questions And er, when was it put there? Five years ago.
It was a memorial to my predecessor, designed by Miss Carreaux, our head of fine arts.
She's very gifted.
Sir.
Ah.
Alison Girling.
1940 to 1990.
She's well-remembered, isn't she? An oil painting and a memorial? She wasn't very old.
What happened? She died on holiday in Austria.
A bus crash, I believe.
You're not sure? It happened before I arrived.
There must be an old guard that was around in her day? Indeed there is.
Ah.
I thought so.
There's always an old guard.
I'm a fully paid-up member meself.
We'll need their names and a place to work.
You can pitch camp here.
I can move in with the registrar.
And overnight accommodation.
Save us travelling time.
Time's money, they tell me.
May I suggest? Sergeant Pascoe deals with all my domestic arrangements.
So what do the witch doctors have to tell us, Sergeant? A woman's body.
Their educated guess is she died about five years ago.
Five years ago is when this hole was dug, right? Yes, sir.
Trust the experts to tell you what you know already.
Not long for a memorial, is it? Proper memorials should last long enough for every bugger to forget what they're supposed to remember.
Like world wars and such.
My dad's on one of these, you know.
Just outside of Sheffield.
So, what manner of place is this, Sergeant Wield? It was a glorified poly.
Five years ago it became part of the university.
You make a place all modern, next minute you got a woman's body in the hole.
Serves them right.
I couldn't agree more.
Oh, er Perhaps er, you could tell me why, Ms er, Mrs er? MISS Disney.
Ah.
Traditional values.
Superintendent Dalziel.
This was a shrine to Miss Girling and those good things we knew.
What is your speciality? Divinity and classics.
Though we are now "subsumed in a module called ancient and medieval studies".
Decline and fall everywhere you look, eh? I was a student here when it was a teacher training college for girls, specialising in arts, crafts and religious education.
What do we have now? Computers, business studies, hotel management .
.
and men.
Men? It is not a happy place.
But they that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength.
The Book of Isaiah, I think? Indeed.
"There is no peace, saith the Lord, unto the wicked.
" Amen to that, Superintendent.
That, I take it, is Miss Disney.
Direct line to God.
Mad as a hatter.
You can't beat a good Sunday school education when grovelling to the self-righteous.
What's all that? Your information pack.
Who was here five years ago, who's here now.
Fax numbers etc.
What took you so long? If you want a cup of tea, dial 101.
Here's your room key.
Have a nice day.
How's it er, going with the skull and crossbones? Off to the lab now.
I want some answers.
We've got one answer.
It wasn't her own hair.
It was a wig.
I knew a story about a bald woman, but you're too young and sensitive.
Are you still here? Awaiting instructions.
Go and find your lass.
We need her to grass on her mates.
Excuse me.
Excuse me.
We're all wasting taxpayers' money.
Ellie! What are you doing here? Usual stuff.
Making the campus safe.
Bodies under statues.
Of course.
It's the job, lady, I'm paid for it.
How are you? Innocent! Good.
And you? All right.
Better now.
Police harassment? Just routine.
I'm lecturing soon.
I'll carry your satchel.
You can give me a rundown on your colleagues.
I thought you wanted me for my body(!) My colleagues, um Jane Scotby and Miss Disney are the oldest inhabitants.
Marion Carreaux, art department, made the statue.
Henry Saltecombe, head of history, enjoys a gossip.
Sam Fallowfield No, that's another story.
What? Not relevant.
This is where I work.
Me, I work on the mean streets.
My hero.
Can we can meet later on? Definitely not.
8 o'clock in the bar.
Am I obtruding? Not at all.
You missed the fun.
Surely I WAS the fun? Not now.
What's a sexual peccadillo compared with buried bodies? What's happened? Stand me a beer and I'll tell you.
My money's on a simple student prank.
A plastic skeleton from Blackpool.
Nowadays, students only think about CVs.
What about Ms Anita Sewell? Does she want you on her CV? Sorry, Sam.
It's none of my business.
I don't give a damn what you did.
But I know what I think.
What do you think? She's being used.
Sexual harassment of a female student by a respected lecturer.
They're all at it in the States and it's spreading here like fast food.
The young can't help being young.
And you can't help thinking well of people.
It's your tragic flaw.
Oh, I've just remembered why I came.
I'd assumed moral support in exchange for a beer on the way home.
This was in your pigeonhole.
Are you all right? If not, you'll be the first to know.
Shall I tell you why I didn't stay to see the fun, as you call it? Go on.
Promise you won't ask me how I knew.
But I knew - about the body.
Trouble with this place, they're all specialists.
You're a typical example.
You have one of them things.
A degree, sir? A degree in something.
Social sciences.
So you're equipped with specialist knowledge to work in Society? But now you're a copper, allegedly, and working in Society, sir? You've proved my point.
A specialist smartarse.
Why are these names underlined? People who went missing prior to December, 1990.
I'd made that connection without a degree.
Where's Sergeant Wield? He's checking on the local dentists.
Is that the lab report? Yeah.
'Bout bloody time.
Give me the edited highlights.
Female, middle-aged, buried for five or six years.
Brilliant(!) Height 5' 6".
Fractured skull, probably contributed to her death.
Left leg, two old breaks.
Three gold fillings, that should help.
Does anything match up? Yes.
Two people went missing in December, 1990.
Check it out.
DOOR OPENS Back so soon, sunbeam? Guess what? Those gold fillings are Alison Girling's.
Also, a nurse told us Girling broke her left leg twice while skiing.
Serves her right.
Stupid pastime.
And in one of the skiing accidents, she tore her scalp, leaving a scar.
Hence the wig.
It all matches up.
She's been buried under her own memorial for the last five years.
And nobody knew? Somebody knew.
Somebody dumped her in the hole.
We need to talk to those two old biddies, Scotby and Disney.
They sound like Crosstalk comedians.
It's 9.
30.
They're probably tucked up in bed.
9.
30! If she loves you, she'll wait.
You should test passion to destruction.
THUNDER RUMBLES Cheers.
Sorry I'm late.
Been working.
The bar hasn't closed YET.
Still working.
This is Sergeant Pascoe.
Pierre Ferret.
Enchante.
Aye.
You and me both.
It's quiet.
I expected revelry.
They can only afford it at weekends.
Who threw that? They did some revelry, just for you.
We're trying to contact Miss Scotby and Miss Disney.
Disney will be in the common room.
Christianity night.
At 10.
15, they turn water into cocoa.
Anita! What's wrong with midnight? It's a perfectly respectable time.
You will hear the chimes at midnight.
I give you my personal guarantee.
I'm supposed to be seeing someone.
Do you mean someone more important to you than me? No, I don't mean that.
Tell me what you do mean.
You shouldn't have told me.
Miss Scotby, Miss Disney, I need your help, more or less off the record, on the basis of what I hope we can think of as, er, friendship.
Of course, Superintendent.
It concerns Miss Girling.
Now er, she died in Austria, five years ago.
Is that correct? Five years last Christmas.
And what were the circumstances of her death? The hotel bus crashed.
Skidded off the road and burst into flames.
All the passengers were killed.
Dreadful.
And Miss Girling's body, forgive the expression, where er? None of the bodies were recovered.
A memorial service was held there.
A deeply moving ceremony.
You went there? Of course.
Alison was my oldest friend.
How did they identify, forgive the expression, bodies that weren't found? The coach was going from the airport to the hotel she went to every year.
She was booked to arrive that night.
And the coach Take your time, Miss Disney.
The coach? It was split in two.
The luggage boot was recovered.
Alison's cases were there.
But the bodies The bodies All the bodies were burned beyond recognition.
I see.
Sergeant, please tell these ladies what you discovered this evening.
The body under the memorial is that of Alison Girling.
But that'simpossible.
Isn't it? Seemingly not.
Requiescat in pace.
Amen to that, Miss Disney.
Did she go to Austria then come back in time to get knocked off? Or did she never get there at all? In which case, who got barbecued in the bus? In all probability Oh, we'll sort that tomorrow.
Now, where's this academic dosshouse we've been dumped in? This way.
Will there be high jinks after lights out? I doubt it.
Oh.
She'll be coming round the mountain when she comes She'll be coming round the mountain when she comes.
MUSIC: "Sight for Sore Eyes" by Deconstruction This is a rare species indeed, Hedley.
We seem to have caught the mating season.
When can I clear up? When I say so.
The contract has a penalty clause! You've caused enough trouble.
God knows what else you might dig up.
Where's the commander-in-chief? Superintendent Dalziel? He's a Scot? Scottish parents.
Yorkshire born.
Pity.
Can I help? Dunbar.
Chemistry.
Pascoe.
Sergeant.
I need to know what's afoot so as not to alarm the more sensitive students.
Is it true? Is what true? It was Alison Girling whom the builders excavated yesterday? We have reason to believe so.
Which means yes.
Yes? Yes.
Were you here in 1990? Arrived the previous summer.
Me and Henry Saltecombe.
Can you remember the end of the December term? Try me.
Term ended on Friday the 14th.
Did everyone leave then? The students, yes.
The staff usually hang on for a meeting on the Monday.
Monday the 17th.
If you say so.
It was the Monday morning.
When did you leave? As soon as humanly possible.
When was Miss Girling planning to leave? No idea.
Maybe I should ask Miss Disney.
Why Disney? As a friend of Miss Girling.
Disney has NO friends.
But Look.
God may be on Disney's side but HER God is very jealous with some very nasty habits.
Excuse me.
It's not fair, is it, Douglas? They don't build golf courses to match the way you hit the ball.
That's twice you've stood in my way.
What's your name? Francis Roote, Union President.
Like the General Workers but with clean hands? We like to keep our hands clean, yes.
It's a good policy.
We recommend it.
- Harold - What? I think I've found it.
My God.
Anita Sewell.
You know her, then? I've been acting for her.
I hope she's paid her bill.
I'm away for a few hours and what happens? It seems to me, we have two separate enquiries.
It seems to me two bodies means a connection! Come on! Will I tell you what I've found out? Tell me.
Monday, December 17th, 1990.
Staff meeting at 11 o'clock.
Carry on.
Miss Girling's flight was at midnight or thereabouts.
Thereabouts? Defending counsels can drive horses and carts through words like thereabouts.
Go on.
She set off in her car at six.
Seen by? Miss Scotby.
But she never got to the ski slopes.
She landed in a hole near her office.
We've still got two bodies.
One old, one new.
What's the connection? The college.
Leave your address, we'll put the medal in the post(!) Anita Sewell.
Didn't she? Accuse a staff member of sexual harassment? Yes.
What was his name? Fallowfield.
Mucky devil.
Mind you, can't say I blame him.
A place like thatcan do terrible things to an old man's libido.
Fallowfield isn't that old.
I don't give a toss.
I want to talk to him.
Who found the body? A man called Pearl.
He was representing Sewell in her case against Fallowfield.
There's too many coincidences.
I hate coincidences.
She's dead? Yeah.
But that's dreadful! As I understand it, the girl was doing her best to ruin your career.
Sorry? You mean? Come on, you can't imagine that Imagination doesn't come into my work, Dr Fallowfield.
Only facts and other items of that nature.
Well, in that case .
.
you should see this.
A letter to yousigned Anita.
Anita Sewell, the dead girl? It's her writing.
Feel free to read it.
Did she come to see you last night? No.
I stayed up till 1 o'clock.
Being an educated man, you can probably guess the next question.
No, I didn't go out last night or see anything.
That's two good answers but I was going to ask a different question.
These accusations about you and Anita, should we believe them? I never denied there was a close relationship.
Close relationship? These things can happen on a campus.
I wouldn't know about that.
You know about campuses.
Do these things happen? Yeah, they happen.
And sometimes they turn sour? Yeah.
Yes.
I know.
There's nowt funny about a broken heart.
Been there.
Done that.
Got custody of the microwave.
Did you know Alison Girling? I didn't take up my post here until the September after she died.
Note it.
Right.
We'll need a formal statement, Dr Fallowfield.
I assume you're not planning to rush off on any skiing holidays.
I won't be going anywhere.
What do you reckon to him? He's got to be a prime suspect.
I don't see him as a killer though.
Two murders in one place means a connection.
Very astute.
By God! They have universities in some pretty places, don't they? Should I become an academic? A sideways career move? I could take the first step and buy a book.
I could lend you one.
Do you speak Austrian? No such language.
How do they communicate? Semaphore? You found another one? Yes.
If I can help Can you speak German? Sorry, comrade.
Now if you'd said Italian But I can tell you the date and time that slab were laid.
You can? Laid the bugger myself, didn't I? You will be aware of the events that brought Superintendent Dalziel here.
I thought it sensible DALZIEL COUGHS .
.
or rather, Mr Dalziel thought it sensible to gather staff and student representatives so that he might clarify the nature of his inquiries.
Facts first.
The remains under the statue were identified as those of Miss Girling.
We are treating that as murder.
And the body found this morning is that of a student, Anita Sewell.
We are treating that as murder also.
Can you tell us the cause of death? Which one? Anita.
No, not yet.
What about the security of the other students? Use your common sense.
Don't wander about on your own after lights out.
Especially females.
That applies anywhere in the land.
This is a Godless age as Miss Disney will confirm.
Quite so.
We're talking serial killers.
Once every five years makes him a bit slow.
MOBILE PHONE RINGS Switch that off or leave the room! I'll leave my colleague to listen and report back.
I'll see what I can do.
When did you identify Miss Girling? Yesterday evening.
So how come people knew in the afternoon? You mean staff? Staff and students.
I can't imagine.
Perhaps one of you will tell me when we meet face to face.
Are we all to be interviewed? We're drawing up a timetable.
What about our timetables? Disrupting your work is unfortunate.
Disrupting mine is obstruction and an offence in law.
I realise that If it'll help, I'll talk to each of you in situ, in your native habitat.
How's that for diplomacy? Exactly what we've come to expect, Superintendent.
Wiedersagen bitte.
Ich bin Pascoe.
Pascoe! Ja.
Ja.
Sergeant Pascoe.
Polizie.
What are you doing? Trying to talk to Austrian police about a crash five years ago.
What are you doing? Free-range interviews.
Mobile inquisition.
Hello? Marion Carreaux? Head of the fine art department? Yes.
Highly-tuned deductive powers.
Does er, does this symbolise something? Only itself.
It's for my next exhibition in Paris.
I don't know anything about art but er But you know what you like? I wasn't going to say that.
You must be very good to be head of department at your age.
Are you? Don't be coy.
You're either very good or you've got friends in high places.
I'm very good.
Me an' all.
So we should get on.
Mais bien sur, mon cheri.
Oh.
When you made the emmemorial to Miss Girling you must have been nowt but a bairn.
Pardon? A mere child.
I was in my final year here.
And then you came straight onto the staff? No.
I completed my foundation course here.
I studied for two years in London and returned as head of department.
Soyou've paid your dues.
I hope so.
And em, how did you get on with er, Alison Girling? She was the best friend I ever had.
KNOCK ON DOOR It's open.
Sam Fallowfield's famous ever-open door.
I might have been the police.
They've already been.
They told you about Anita? Yes.
Was that what you came to tell me? It might have been my fault.
What? I told her.
Shared our dreadful secret with her.
You bloody idiot! Your gospel said, do what you like but be responsible for your actions.
It still says that.
I'm responsible for my actions.
And you? What about me? You're history, Sam.
You may find this a difficult idea to grasp but I loved Anita.
In your own peculiar way? We all love in our own peculiar way.
Oh, yes.
I know.
I could show you the scars.
Why did you tell her? Showing off as usual? The man who knows everything? The demi-god? It takes one to know one.
I suppose you KNOW who killed her? Oh, yes.
I know that too, Sam.
Was Alison Girling a well-liked woman? At the personal level, yes.
But professionally Finish the sentence if you will, Mr Saltecombe.
It was the spirit of the times.
You have the er, advantage of me there.
I'm not a historian.
December, 1990, the time in question.
We'd just been told the college was to become part of the university.
Girling's job was to be upgraded and advertised.
Who wanted the job? Everybody in sight.
Scotby, Disney, Dunbar, Girling herself.
You? Oh, yes.
Are you an ambitious man? Not any more.
Was.
It wore off after about 20 minutes.
You were describing the spirit of the times, in the year of our Lord 1990, when Alison Girling died.
Poisonous.
Henry Saltecombe? The man is an old woman - a gossip and mischief-maker.
So things were peaceful enough in the college at that time? No mischief? Passions running higher than average? Passions always run high in seats of learning.
Education is about passion.
Our need to know is informed by passion.
Is that right? Tell me about the memorial, Miss Disney.
What do you want to know? I'm sorry it's a crude, policeman's question but er, who paid for it? Alison paid for it.
She paid for her own memorial? Not even Prince Albert did that.
It was to be a memorial to the old college before it was swallowed up.
But when Alison died, it seemed the proper way to pay our tribute.
And er, Marion Carreaux got the job? Yes.
She was a brilliant student.
She has an international reputation, though I do find her work perplexing.
I thought it was ME, being stupid.
No, I don't think so.
But she got the job on merit, not because she was teacher's pet? Ah.
Yes? It is fair to say that Marion and Alison were very good friends.
On the other hand, provided people observe Christian principles, there's nothing wrong in friendships between students and staff members.
In my time I have been both teacher and pet and it has done me no harm.
What about Dr Fallowfield? Dr Fallowfield is beneath contempt.
PHONE RINGS Wield.
Right.
The big man's on his way.
Anything to tell him? Officially, Girling flew overnight on December 17th.
However However? That slab was laid on the morning of the 18th.
I'm looking for the chief policeman.
It's Mr Lapping.
You found the body with Mr Pearl.
Aye.
But it's not about that.
You want to tell us something else? Obviously.
I wouldn't be here else, would I? Anything specific? Lads and lasses dancing naked at midnight.
Is that specific enough? It's specific enough for me.
Is that a police dog? Trained to find student radicals.
Student radicals? I used to be one of those.
And you just happened to have your binoculars with you? No.
I always have them with me.
Including now.
See.
Night sight lens, is it? Aye.
They're for bird-watching.
I've got my eye on a little dunlin nest.
Dunlin? Yes, it's er It's like a sandpiper.
Ah.
Were you er, on your own? Oh, no, no.
Hedley was with me.
Hedley? Me dog.
He's named after Hedley Verity.
Yorkshire and England.
Left-arm spinner.
Aye.
Died in a German PoW camp.
Lovely lad, lovely lad.
Still, my Hedley being a dog, is not much of a witness, is it? No.
So, you see, I'm relying on you, Mr Lapping.
Now, you say you saw these young people and they were dancing.
Aye well, sort of.
If you can call it dancing, you know.
There were no music as such.
They were coming from one of them machine things - a blaster.
Is that it? A ghetto blaster.
If you say so, Mr eroh, whatever your name is.
Anyway, as I said, there were no real, what we call, music.
There was just a thumping.
Drive you potty! But thenthis chap came along and he chased them all away.
A chap? Aye.
Wearing a big hat.
Could you identify the chap? Oh, no.
No.
I were too far away to identify anybody.
ButI could describe his hat.
Is there a bird called a dunlin? Yes.
It's em, it's like a sandpiper.
Good.
Do you know what a pork pie hat looks like? Yes.
New York jazz musicians used to wear them.
Lester Young used I don't want a bloody thesis.
I know what one looks like.
Why are you waving that bog paper about? It's Sewell's medical report.
It's interesting.
Go on.
Fascinate me.
She was drowned.
Probably held face down in the lake.
No sign of sexual interference.
Fairly interesting.
Bearing in mind her alleged affair, how about this? She was a virgin.
Sod you, Pascoe.
I'm fascinated.
Virginity is just a state of mind.
This place is getting to you.
You're starting to talk like them.
But you always did.
Where's the bar? This way.
INAUDIBLE Two pints of best and a bottle of single malt to take out.
Legally speaking, out-sales are restricted to union members.
I'm sure the union president will sign me in.
A pleasure and a privilege.
Daniel.
No midnight raves tonight? I'm sorry? Dancing by the light of the moon with no kecks on.
I'm not familiar with the local vernacular.
But if you mean what I think you meanit was my birthday.
How old are you? 23.
And Anita Sewell got the present.
I don't find that amusing.
Nor do I.
But if you want to put a smile on my face, speak to Sergeant Wield.
Give him the names of your friends who were at your party so we can compare notes with our witnesses.
I may invoke the fifth.
I once invoked the fifth with a feller.
Broke his nose.
Ta.
Where's your paramour tonight? No idea.
Sergeant Pascoe's lost his young lady.
Any idea where she is? Dans sa chambre.
Writing.
Je croix.
Writing.
Of course.
Deeply indebted.
Merci, monsieur.
Sante.
Sante.
The French connection.
They understand about sex.
That's the heart of the mystery.
Sex.
Are you speaking professionally or philosophically? There's so much of it around here.
You could bottle the surplus and sell it to old farts like me.
It's not a bad pint this, you know.
Wasted on this lot.
You can get me another before you go.
Where am I going? You're off to see your young lady.
She's writing.
She'll need help with the long words - like virginity! I've to discuss virginity with you.
We did that years ago.
Made a decision, put it into practice - on that rug.
I assume you remember.
I've never looked at another rug since.
What does he want to know? WE want to know why Anita was a virgin yet she was having an affair with Fallowfield? Is that right? According to the medics.
I'd always assumed Fallowfield was an old queen.
What makes you think that? How should I know? I just do.
Maybe he's a bit AC/DC, but no, I'm sure he's gay.
Is there much of a gay scene here? There's every sort of scene.
Disney and her Bible students.
Disney? I don't think it's anything sinister.
Girl talk and a bit of hair stroking.
You make me feel so innocent and virginal.
Read my novel.
That'll fix you.
You know I only read in bed.
Take off your badge, Sheriff, and we'll solve both problems at once.
SOCIAL CHA It looks like Widdicombe Fair.
What is it? Our annual open day.
Designed to convince the world that, compared to our campus, Oxbridge is a pimple on the intellectual landscape.
We're selling higher education like you would sell double glazing.
Does it work? Does it hell! Miss Scotby.
Miss Disney.
You're looking radiant today.
Are you after my fingerprints? I expect my sergeant already has your fingerprints.
What do you mean? You should marry the lad.
What? You heard.
Is it your business? Of course it is.
I need my staff in good condition.
Settled in mind and body.
Is that what marriage does? Yes.
You're a good lass and he's a good lad but if you tell him I said so, I'll never speak to you again.
That's a very tempting offer.
My intended wants a word with you.
Excuse me, my dear.
What is it? Meetings held the day Girling died.
Meetings? That's plural.
Yep.
A staff meeting then interviews after lunch including interviews for the post of head of biology.
So Fallowfield was here that day? Yes.
Started in the following September.
That's all the bugger said.
Come on.
When I was your age, we were too poor to have phones.
Presumably they were still a recent invention? If we need to fit anybody up, that little turd will do nicely.
You were here being interviewed the day Girling was killed.
You had an assignation with Anita Sewell, the night she was killed.
Anything you say will be regarded with great scepticism, especially as you're queer as a nine-bob-note.
KNOCKS ON DOOR Dr Fallowfield? Wait here.
Afternoon.
Hello.
Sergeant! Come here! Open the curtains.
Mind where you walk.
They sometimes crap on the floor.
Have a good look.
Then tell me what you think.
I know what I think.
Sergeant! Doesn't look like anything's been taken.
But something was imported.
Anita Sewell's clothes? They match the description.
I'll check it out.
Leave it.
Somebody's having us on.
Sotell me what you can see.
Do you suppose Fallowfield's done this himself? I want observation not psycho-bleeding analysis.
Nothing's been stolen.
Nothing's been broken.
Very civilised vandalism.
Bottles and glasses and poncy bits of ceramics left alone and unharmed.
Maybe they didn't want to make a noise? Good lad.
What about the writing on the wall? Some of it's in aerosol.
Some of it's in chalk.
Different style.
Two languages.
That one's Latin.
Don't know what it means.
Two people? Together or apart? Sorry? Do some detecting.
Talk to the neighbours.
We didn't hear anything.
I saw that lady.
That wasn't today! Tell me about the lady.
That was the night before last.
She was going to see Mr Flabbyfield.
Fallowfield.
When did you see her? 2 o'clock.
Not light 2 o'clock, dark 2 o'clock.
What were you doing up? I was having a Jimmy Riddle.
David! He's doing fine! David, how old was this lady? As old as your mum? Not old like my mum.
Old like our Sharon.
How old's Sharon? 24.
Have you ever seen a man wearing a big hat? Yes.
Can you remember when that was? Today on my video.
Clint Eastwood.
So we've got Anita Sewell at the cottage at 2 o'clock in the morning.
But Mr Lapping, the intrepid bird-watcher, says he saw the stranger in the big hat break up the bacchanalian orgy at midnight.
I'm open to brilliant offers.
The party breaks up.
Anita goes to keep her date with Fallowfield.
Who takes her to the lake and drowns her? And who undresses her? Why is he bothering to take all her clothes off if he's a shirt-lifter by trade? It's a bit too bizarre.
PHONE RINGS Pascoe.
Yep.
Right.
If Fallowfield is the killer, he left the body there to make it look as if it was part of the orgy.
Yes Which means he knew about the orgy in the first place.
I think he's the kind of man young people confide in.
Maybe he's got too many secrets for his own good.
We've been looking at the staff.
A conspiracy for grown-ups, if we can dignify them with such a word.
But you're talking about staff conspiring with students.
Danke.
That was my man in Austria.
What did Dr Freud tell you? Keep doing it till you need glasses? The hotel records show that Girling booked an extra room in October but it was cancelled at the last minute.
That only helps if we know who she was taking.
The booking was for Marion Carreaux.
Get on to HQ.
We need Fallowfield.
Prime suspect, key witness or both.
But find him.
I'm going to discuss art with Marion.
There's not much to tell.
I was Miss Girling's favourite, I suppose.
Teacher's pet? Nothing unnatural.
She thought I was talented.
Ah.
And now you have an international reputation, so she was right, yeah? I hope so.
A flower that blossomed.
So, tell me about the holiday trip.
She commissioned the sculpture.
It cost a great deal of money.
Then she suggested I go on holiday with her.
My mother had died and I was dreading Christmas, so I thought, "Why not?" But you didn't go.
Why not? Disney put a stop to it.
She came to my room, all indignant, said it was very improper.
She would make sure Miss Girling lost her job.
With apposite quotes from the King James Bible, no doubt.
I truly can't remember.
I remember I was very frightened.
I was only 20.
So you told Miss Girling you weren't going? I was afraid.
I phoned her.
Invented a story about my father needing me at home for Christmas.
She was very matter-of-fact, almost as if she'd expected it.
Said she'd ring the agents, cancel the booking and so on.
Wished me a Merry Christmas and that was that.
When was this? On the Monday morning.
And then you went home? No.
She said no.
And now, it's 5 o'clock in the afternoon.
All the meetings and interviews are over and Carreaux wants to fix the fences.
She comes here to see Girling, say sorry.
The secretary's gone.
The study's empty.
So she knocks on Girling's front door.
Was that where Girling lived? Up the stairs.
There's a suite of rooms.
We could get the key.
No, leave it.
We'd probably find six more bodies.
No, we won't.
I've checked.
So, Carreaux knocks at the door.
She knocks at the door.
She hears voices, loud, very angry.
A man and a woman.
Disney? Fallowfield? She doesn't recognise them.
She does the sensible thing.
Clears off and comes back later.
Right? An hour later, 6 o'clock.
She's walking back and she sees Girling's car leaving.
Here endeth her story.
Scotby also saw the car leave at 6 o'clock.
LOUD MUSIC What the hell's that? Saturday night disco.
'60s revival night.
Why would they want to revive them? It was bad enough first time round.
Has she promised you the last waltz? Well Have we found Fallowfield? He took his car in for repair but hasn't collected it.
It might not be him.
Not a double-murderer? When Marion joined the staff Marion? Even I'm allowed to like people! All right.
When Marionjoined.
The old bats didn't reckon her much, especially Disney.
Fallowfield befriended her, stood between her and the flying shit.
OK.
So why is someone trying to make him look bad? By planting the girl's clothes.
Bit obvious though.
Leaving the suitcase Unless they were interrupted.
What? By those intellectual vandals who didn't break anything of value? They're not normal, these people.
MUSIC: "Whiter Shade of Pale" by Procol Harum INAUDIBLE Ellie? Mmm.
Has anyone seen Fallowfield today? SHE PUNCHES HIM What was the question? I've forgotten.
I have a question.
The answer's yes.
Just give me ten minutes.
Did you enjoy the novel? It's brilliant.
You haven't even read it.
But everything you do is brilliant.
You'll never guess what your boss said to me today.
What?! Come on! I can't believe we're doing this! LAUGHING AND GIGGLING LOUD MUSIC: "Shout" by Lulu and the Luvvers Yes! May I have a word? What? Oh.
I hope I didn't wake you.
That's the best joke I've heard since I got here.
Sam wouldn't hurt a fly.
He used to be the most popular guy on campus.
Green politics, women's lib, men's lib, everbody's lib.
He was the pied piper.
Yeah.
And we all know who followed the pied piper.
Children.
Rats.
Well, there are a couple of rats.
Hey! Who's the policeman in this bed? Sorry.
PHONE RINGS Hello.
Just a moment please.
PASCOE GROANS DALZIEL ACCENT: I want to speak to yon bloody Casanova.
Some students have occupied the office.
Landor's office? OUR bloody office.
Homage to the '60s.
What? Occupations were all the rage then.
Anybody paying homage on my patch will get their arses kicked.
I want men here in ten minutes.
No flashing lights, no sirens.
Sir.
Please handle this discreetly.
Subtlety's my middle name.
Ask my sergeant.
It's his middle name.
This is Superintendent Dalziel.
The room you are in is no longer part of the offices of this college.
It is the headquarters of a murder enquiry.
Interference with papers or other information will make you liable to very serious charges.
The reinforcements are here.
That was quick.
Are they on a bonus? I phoned the police when I heard the commotion.
Very public spirited.
Doors and windows covered.
If they try to get out, I want them grabbed.
Right.
Won't you come in? Since it's our room, I won't bother saying thank you.
I'm sorry.
We did not realise that this was no longer Dr Landor's study.
LAUGHTER Ho hum, Mr President.
Are you enjoying yourself? Get off the desk.
NOW! I won't comment on the sentiment but I will correct the spelling.
D - A - L - Z - I - E - L.
Thus respecting the age-old rule, I before E except after C and especially after the Z in my name.
Whoever wrote thisyou're a disgrace to your generation.
Was it you? I've got nothing to say.
That confirms what everybody says about you.
This has all been rather stupid.
Please accept my apologies on behalf of all the students.
We'll clean everything up before we go.
You won't touch anything.
And you're not going anywhere.
Ooh! Is the building surrounded? He's probably called out the SAS.
I'm holding everyone in this room on suspicion of illegal entry, interfering with evidence, possession of the drug cannabis, damage to property by defacing a wall.
And someone's been at my single malt.
Now then .
.
who's got the keys? Keys? No forcible entry, therefore .
.
you must have some keys.
Somebody else has got them.
Just like life, innit, eh? Well, in that case we'll have all your names and then we'll negotiate an armistice.
Is that necessary? Oh, yes, Mr President.
Not only necessarybut compulsory.
THEY CHANT DALZIEL'S NAME Thank you.
Thank you.
Turn that light off.
It's unnecessary.
That was a bit OTT, wasn't it? Oh, don't tell me.
"It's the job, lady, it's what I do.
" If you don't like it, put it in the novel.
Ooh! Who's coming now? Bloody French foreign legion? Are all universities like this? No.
Some of them are in towns.
Shut up.
What's happened? It's Dr Fallowfield.
I think he's dead.
Did you call the ambulance? Yes.
Name? Sandra Firth.
You all know how to enjoy a Saturday night(!) It's not funny! I'm not laughing.
Am I laughing, Sergeant? No, sir, definitely not.
What were you doing here? I work here.
I was going to look at my files.
Franny said it would be in the spirit of the '60s.
What did you use for keys? Keys.
Taking over my office, wasn't that good enough for you? I was there but it seemed to be getting a bit out of hand.
In what way? Well, you know I know about people stuffing powder up their nostrils and taking pills and smoking exotic cheroots.
Is that what I'm supposed to know? Yeah.
We'll talk about that later.
Tell me about finding the corpse.
I came in and it was darkand it was spooky.
Franny says you should always walk towards the thing that frightens you.
Franny? Franny Roote.
A president and a prophet.
And there was this light coming from Dr Fallowfield's study.
OK.
Show me.
Superintendent Dalziel.
Dead? Yeah.
How long? An hour, maybe more.
Cause? Bag that.
Did you find the note? Note? If he took his own life, it's custom and practice to leave a note.
I didn't see or touch anything.
Except the phone.
Except the phone.
Aye.
Come on.
Seal off the place till forensics arrive? I'd seal off the whole campus(!) The question is, do we still have a case to investigate or not? Hang it all on Fallowfield? A murder suspect tops himself.
Tie it up with pink ribbon, we could sleep in our own beds tonight.
You got different ideas? Did he top himself? Mm.
An overdose of phenol, probably self-administered.
Sewell possibly but not Girling.
He was only here for one day.
You fancy one of the golden oldies? Saltecombe delivered that letter and he wears a pork pie hat.
That'll make 'em sit up in court(!) And why didn't he leave a note? He left these.
Found in his wallet.
Well, well.
Franny Roote.
"To Sam with love.
" But I still fancy a note.
Suicides, nearly all attention-seeking bastards.
Are we still interested in big hats? Good morning, Sergeant.
Good morning.
Are you coming to church? I'm afraid I'm working.
On the day of rest? I respect your feelings but I have to ask you about your hat.
My hat? What about my hat? Were you wearing it the night Anita was killed? These autumn nights can be very chilly.
You may have five minutes, young man.
Though I am prepared to make a further statement later.
What is it? Did you chase the students from the woods? We have a responsibility to protect our young people.
It isn't a fashionable view but if I were a slave to fashion I'd wear a different hat.
Is that all? In your lectures, do you use chalk? Goodness me, is that now an offence? Technologically incorrect? Perhaps you could translate Latet anguis in herba.
Latet anguis in herba.
A snake lurks in the grass.
Virgil wrote that 2,000 years ago.
And you wrote it again? On his wall? I went to his cottage yesterday afternoon.
I was going to confront him.
But someone had already been there and made a dreadful mess.
I made my contribution and left.
I'm not ashamed of anything I've done.
Is Fallowfield the snake? I'm not prepared to cast the first stone.
The first stone? Isn't that from the story of the woman taken in adultery? Quite so.
I must go.
I shall be at your service if required.
These lovely old trees are to be torn up to make way for a car park.
Why does progress make things worse? Does the bar open Sunday lunchtime? I believe so.
Good.
I'll get myself a refill.
Hang on.
If I was going to top myself I might post my note, first-class.
You could put it through the internal mail here.
You're a bright lad, whatever people say.
There's more.
When Fallowfield came for his interview, he stayed the weekend.
He was paid expenses for three overnights.
All in the accounts.
No wonder the country's going broke.
MUSIC: "Roll With It" by Oasis.
Same again and don't forget the 2p on the bottle.
Are we to expect an early arrest? I hope so before I get a degree.
Third degree, no doubt.
Ta.
Put it on the slate, will you? Oh, er, if you'll forgive the expression, I have to scour your seat of learning, in search of a suicide note.
Where's the big D? Common room, going through the pigeonholes.
Will you tell him something? What? Fallowfield's previous job was at a public school where Roote was a pupil.
Roote came here for his interview on the Friday.
As in Friday before the Monday? Right.
Carreaux.
Disney.
Dunbar.
Soper.
Scotby.
Henry Saltecombe.
Go and get him! What? Mr Sodding President! I have here a copy of the letter from the late Sam Fallowfield addressed to Henry Saltecombe.
Dr Fallowfield, being a modern and methodical man, wrote it on his personal computer.
Saving it for posterity.
With Mr Saltecombe's permission, I have read the letter and taken due note of its contents.
On the computer .
.
we also found Dr Fallowfield's personal diaries.
All the intimate details going back several years, five to be precise.
It's your lucky day, sunbeam.
The autumn double.
Alison Girling and Anita Sewell.
That's rubbish.
Sam wouldn't tell lies.
He couldn't tell lies.
What about HER? MUTTERS IN FRENCH Well, it's all on the record.
Fallowfield meets Roote, falls madly in love with him.
Then he finds out the boy is mad, bad and dangerous to know.
Tries to protect Sewell from him.
So Roote invents that phoney charge.
All Fallowfield had to do was admit he was gay.
He decided to fight it - to the death.
And Marion? I'm sure she'll tell you everything.
Your problem is, people love you.
That's a problem? Men and women.
If you say sosweetie.
I'm nobody's sweetie.
You might say that's my tragedy.
But it's a better tragedy than Marion's, I reckon.
Is that when you met her? That weekend you went for the interview? Certainly I did.
It isn't illegal to meet people.
And you had to make up your mind.
Sam Fallowfield or Marion Carreaux? We met when he came for his interview.
People tend to fall in love with him and live to regret it.
We had a bit of a fling over the weekend.
He asked me to spend Christmas with him.
It seemed like more fun than skiing in Austria with Miss Girling.
We went to see her, to tell her.
She took it badly? There was a lot of shouting.
You said, "A man and a woman shouting.
" But it was you doing the shouting, yes? Yes.
There was a sort of a fight.
Girling slapped her face.
Marion grabbed hold of Girling's hair.
And it came off? It was a wig, wasn't it? She fell back, banged her head on the fireplace.
I've taken legal advice.
It's accidental death.
She attacked me and Franny hit her with a poker.
And Dr Fallowfield? Franny phoned him.
Said we had a problem.
He'd do anything for Franny.
Hehelped us clear up the mess.
He was a good man.
Marion was brilliant.
She cancelled her flight and her hotel booking, flew to Austria in Girling's spare wig and a pair of shades, and then flew back again.
Who buried the body? Sam and I did that between us.
It's amazingly hard work.
Then, who organised the bus crash? That really was an act of God.
Ohyou mean you really believe there's a superior being? Superior to you? Maybe.
But if the job falls vacant, I'll be applying.
He's a control freak.
I don't speak jargon.
Try me with English.
He likes to think the world depends upon him.
Staff and students.
Anita Sewell? Was potty about him.
They all were in their time.
Sam Fallowfield, Marion Carreaux, Anita Sewell, Sandra Firth Sure.
I talk a lot.
I'm good at it.
I told Anita I'd got the goods on everybody.
I told her about Girling.
Well, what's there to hide? It's accidental death.
And you were high on drugs and showing off.
Single malt is an addictive drug or so I'm told.
Marion doesn't think it was accidental death.
She sees everything as art.
You realised that if Anita talked, that would be your career down the tubes.
What's one life compared with the work of a true artist? Precisely.
At least it wasn't personal.
It was also personal.
You didn't like Anita Sewell? She had Franny.
People fall in love with him? Of course.
And you stayed that way? Yes.
Do you have crimes of passion in this country? Looks like it, yeah.
So it was all right to stitch him up? Make it look like a sex crime? Trash the cottage? Leave Anita's Sam was on a serious guilt trip.
Sam was Jewish mother to the world.
He'd have handled it.
And what about you? Do you take responsibility for anything? God, no.
I'm a child of the '80s.
There is no such thing as society.
Next question.
BBC Scotland - 1996
What's it reckoned to be, then? FRENCH ACCENT: It symbolises youth.
You should see a figure of a young woman.
She'll take a bit of shifting.
Did you make it, like? I'm the artist.
But it was five years ago.
So you'll not want it cut up? Absolutely not! Got the message.
Don't worry.
We'll get help.
SHE MUTTERS IN FRENCH Are you foreign? I'm French.
Thought you must be something! Charlie? My name is Douglas Pearl, here as the legal representative for Ms Anita Sewell.
The facts that bring us here today are, as far as I am aware, not under dispute.
Miss Sewell is reading a joint degree course here but has been told she may not continue because her marks in biology are too low for her to attain the lowest pass level by the end of the course.
Perhaps the principal will confirm that this is so? That is so.
Thank you.
The grounds for this appeal to the governors are simple but painful.
For the past two years, Miss Sewell was the mistress of the senior lecturer in biology, Dr Fallowfield.
She asserts that Dr Fallowfield deliberately falsified her grades to bring about her apparent failure.
She asserts that he ignored agreed procedures in not referring the situation to his head of department.
MACHINERY ROARS I must object to this noise Keep coming.
Straight down there, Charlie.
How fares the inquisition? Adjourned because of inaudibility.
I wasn't sure if I'd be welcome.
The historians are on your side.
And the modern languages department.
Innocent until proved guilty.
It's been in every civilised constitution in history.
A united Europe is behind you.
Possibly not the dynamic duo from the Paleolithic Age.
Mr Fallowfield.
Miss Scotby.
It has been suggested By Miss Disney? .
.
that it is improper for you to be here.
I am suspended from teaching.
I am not suspended from living.
I'm not suspended from coffee break.
Or from spending time with friends.
Hm! Exits left in a cloud of self-righteous indignation.
Batwoman continues to flex her wings.
Excuse me.
What's going on? The usual battles over the high moral ground.
That old thing! What's happening outside? Moving the sculpture.
They're shifting Big Al? Our symbol of virgin youth? I've heard it's not cost-effective.
Oh! This is not to be missed.
The English tradition, yes? Watching people work? Yes.
We love it.
Coming, Sam? Be our guest? No.
I hate that thing.
Education is all creative demolition.
Ellie? Why not? Mr Fallowfield.
Whatever the outcome of the enquiry, even if you are acquitted I'm not on trial, Miss Disney.
.
.
it won't be the end of the affair.
The wages of sin, Mr Fallowfield Is there nothing in your doctrine about turning the other cheek? About loving your enemy? How dare you preach to me? Go on.
Steady.
CROWD CHEERS AND CLAPS There she goes, there she goes.
SINGING CONTINUES Who wants this, then? I'll take it.
'It's all yours, comrade.
'Away you go! 'Nice and easy!' Hold it! Bloody hell! SLAB CREAKS Tell me about this seat of learning.
Holm Coultram College.
Now part of the new University of Mid-Yorkshire.
Full of intellectuals? Very likely.
If the buggers get clever, pretend you didn't hear or understand.
Nothing's funny if it's repeated AND explained.
Noted.
Holm Coultram? Is that where your doxie teaches? Yeah.
Ellie lectures in social sciences.
But where am I going to sleep? I'll get this off to the lab.
So why were you moving this piece of sculpture? It's to make room for a new block.
Computer studies.
Obviously.
Ask silly questions And er, when was it put there? Five years ago.
It was a memorial to my predecessor, designed by Miss Carreaux, our head of fine arts.
She's very gifted.
Sir.
Ah.
Alison Girling.
1940 to 1990.
She's well-remembered, isn't she? An oil painting and a memorial? She wasn't very old.
What happened? She died on holiday in Austria.
A bus crash, I believe.
You're not sure? It happened before I arrived.
There must be an old guard that was around in her day? Indeed there is.
Ah.
I thought so.
There's always an old guard.
I'm a fully paid-up member meself.
We'll need their names and a place to work.
You can pitch camp here.
I can move in with the registrar.
And overnight accommodation.
Save us travelling time.
Time's money, they tell me.
May I suggest? Sergeant Pascoe deals with all my domestic arrangements.
So what do the witch doctors have to tell us, Sergeant? A woman's body.
Their educated guess is she died about five years ago.
Five years ago is when this hole was dug, right? Yes, sir.
Trust the experts to tell you what you know already.
Not long for a memorial, is it? Proper memorials should last long enough for every bugger to forget what they're supposed to remember.
Like world wars and such.
My dad's on one of these, you know.
Just outside of Sheffield.
So, what manner of place is this, Sergeant Wield? It was a glorified poly.
Five years ago it became part of the university.
You make a place all modern, next minute you got a woman's body in the hole.
Serves them right.
I couldn't agree more.
Oh, er Perhaps er, you could tell me why, Ms er, Mrs er? MISS Disney.
Ah.
Traditional values.
Superintendent Dalziel.
This was a shrine to Miss Girling and those good things we knew.
What is your speciality? Divinity and classics.
Though we are now "subsumed in a module called ancient and medieval studies".
Decline and fall everywhere you look, eh? I was a student here when it was a teacher training college for girls, specialising in arts, crafts and religious education.
What do we have now? Computers, business studies, hotel management .
.
and men.
Men? It is not a happy place.
But they that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength.
The Book of Isaiah, I think? Indeed.
"There is no peace, saith the Lord, unto the wicked.
" Amen to that, Superintendent.
That, I take it, is Miss Disney.
Direct line to God.
Mad as a hatter.
You can't beat a good Sunday school education when grovelling to the self-righteous.
What's all that? Your information pack.
Who was here five years ago, who's here now.
Fax numbers etc.
What took you so long? If you want a cup of tea, dial 101.
Here's your room key.
Have a nice day.
How's it er, going with the skull and crossbones? Off to the lab now.
I want some answers.
We've got one answer.
It wasn't her own hair.
It was a wig.
I knew a story about a bald woman, but you're too young and sensitive.
Are you still here? Awaiting instructions.
Go and find your lass.
We need her to grass on her mates.
Excuse me.
Excuse me.
We're all wasting taxpayers' money.
Ellie! What are you doing here? Usual stuff.
Making the campus safe.
Bodies under statues.
Of course.
It's the job, lady, I'm paid for it.
How are you? Innocent! Good.
And you? All right.
Better now.
Police harassment? Just routine.
I'm lecturing soon.
I'll carry your satchel.
You can give me a rundown on your colleagues.
I thought you wanted me for my body(!) My colleagues, um Jane Scotby and Miss Disney are the oldest inhabitants.
Marion Carreaux, art department, made the statue.
Henry Saltecombe, head of history, enjoys a gossip.
Sam Fallowfield No, that's another story.
What? Not relevant.
This is where I work.
Me, I work on the mean streets.
My hero.
Can we can meet later on? Definitely not.
8 o'clock in the bar.
Am I obtruding? Not at all.
You missed the fun.
Surely I WAS the fun? Not now.
What's a sexual peccadillo compared with buried bodies? What's happened? Stand me a beer and I'll tell you.
My money's on a simple student prank.
A plastic skeleton from Blackpool.
Nowadays, students only think about CVs.
What about Ms Anita Sewell? Does she want you on her CV? Sorry, Sam.
It's none of my business.
I don't give a damn what you did.
But I know what I think.
What do you think? She's being used.
Sexual harassment of a female student by a respected lecturer.
They're all at it in the States and it's spreading here like fast food.
The young can't help being young.
And you can't help thinking well of people.
It's your tragic flaw.
Oh, I've just remembered why I came.
I'd assumed moral support in exchange for a beer on the way home.
This was in your pigeonhole.
Are you all right? If not, you'll be the first to know.
Shall I tell you why I didn't stay to see the fun, as you call it? Go on.
Promise you won't ask me how I knew.
But I knew - about the body.
Trouble with this place, they're all specialists.
You're a typical example.
You have one of them things.
A degree, sir? A degree in something.
Social sciences.
So you're equipped with specialist knowledge to work in Society? But now you're a copper, allegedly, and working in Society, sir? You've proved my point.
A specialist smartarse.
Why are these names underlined? People who went missing prior to December, 1990.
I'd made that connection without a degree.
Where's Sergeant Wield? He's checking on the local dentists.
Is that the lab report? Yeah.
'Bout bloody time.
Give me the edited highlights.
Female, middle-aged, buried for five or six years.
Brilliant(!) Height 5' 6".
Fractured skull, probably contributed to her death.
Left leg, two old breaks.
Three gold fillings, that should help.
Does anything match up? Yes.
Two people went missing in December, 1990.
Check it out.
DOOR OPENS Back so soon, sunbeam? Guess what? Those gold fillings are Alison Girling's.
Also, a nurse told us Girling broke her left leg twice while skiing.
Serves her right.
Stupid pastime.
And in one of the skiing accidents, she tore her scalp, leaving a scar.
Hence the wig.
It all matches up.
She's been buried under her own memorial for the last five years.
And nobody knew? Somebody knew.
Somebody dumped her in the hole.
We need to talk to those two old biddies, Scotby and Disney.
They sound like Crosstalk comedians.
It's 9.
30.
They're probably tucked up in bed.
9.
30! If she loves you, she'll wait.
You should test passion to destruction.
THUNDER RUMBLES Cheers.
Sorry I'm late.
Been working.
The bar hasn't closed YET.
Still working.
This is Sergeant Pascoe.
Pierre Ferret.
Enchante.
Aye.
You and me both.
It's quiet.
I expected revelry.
They can only afford it at weekends.
Who threw that? They did some revelry, just for you.
We're trying to contact Miss Scotby and Miss Disney.
Disney will be in the common room.
Christianity night.
At 10.
15, they turn water into cocoa.
Anita! What's wrong with midnight? It's a perfectly respectable time.
You will hear the chimes at midnight.
I give you my personal guarantee.
I'm supposed to be seeing someone.
Do you mean someone more important to you than me? No, I don't mean that.
Tell me what you do mean.
You shouldn't have told me.
Miss Scotby, Miss Disney, I need your help, more or less off the record, on the basis of what I hope we can think of as, er, friendship.
Of course, Superintendent.
It concerns Miss Girling.
Now er, she died in Austria, five years ago.
Is that correct? Five years last Christmas.
And what were the circumstances of her death? The hotel bus crashed.
Skidded off the road and burst into flames.
All the passengers were killed.
Dreadful.
And Miss Girling's body, forgive the expression, where er? None of the bodies were recovered.
A memorial service was held there.
A deeply moving ceremony.
You went there? Of course.
Alison was my oldest friend.
How did they identify, forgive the expression, bodies that weren't found? The coach was going from the airport to the hotel she went to every year.
She was booked to arrive that night.
And the coach Take your time, Miss Disney.
The coach? It was split in two.
The luggage boot was recovered.
Alison's cases were there.
But the bodies The bodies All the bodies were burned beyond recognition.
I see.
Sergeant, please tell these ladies what you discovered this evening.
The body under the memorial is that of Alison Girling.
But that'simpossible.
Isn't it? Seemingly not.
Requiescat in pace.
Amen to that, Miss Disney.
Did she go to Austria then come back in time to get knocked off? Or did she never get there at all? In which case, who got barbecued in the bus? In all probability Oh, we'll sort that tomorrow.
Now, where's this academic dosshouse we've been dumped in? This way.
Will there be high jinks after lights out? I doubt it.
Oh.
She'll be coming round the mountain when she comes She'll be coming round the mountain when she comes.
MUSIC: "Sight for Sore Eyes" by Deconstruction This is a rare species indeed, Hedley.
We seem to have caught the mating season.
When can I clear up? When I say so.
The contract has a penalty clause! You've caused enough trouble.
God knows what else you might dig up.
Where's the commander-in-chief? Superintendent Dalziel? He's a Scot? Scottish parents.
Yorkshire born.
Pity.
Can I help? Dunbar.
Chemistry.
Pascoe.
Sergeant.
I need to know what's afoot so as not to alarm the more sensitive students.
Is it true? Is what true? It was Alison Girling whom the builders excavated yesterday? We have reason to believe so.
Which means yes.
Yes? Yes.
Were you here in 1990? Arrived the previous summer.
Me and Henry Saltecombe.
Can you remember the end of the December term? Try me.
Term ended on Friday the 14th.
Did everyone leave then? The students, yes.
The staff usually hang on for a meeting on the Monday.
Monday the 17th.
If you say so.
It was the Monday morning.
When did you leave? As soon as humanly possible.
When was Miss Girling planning to leave? No idea.
Maybe I should ask Miss Disney.
Why Disney? As a friend of Miss Girling.
Disney has NO friends.
But Look.
God may be on Disney's side but HER God is very jealous with some very nasty habits.
Excuse me.
It's not fair, is it, Douglas? They don't build golf courses to match the way you hit the ball.
That's twice you've stood in my way.
What's your name? Francis Roote, Union President.
Like the General Workers but with clean hands? We like to keep our hands clean, yes.
It's a good policy.
We recommend it.
- Harold - What? I think I've found it.
My God.
Anita Sewell.
You know her, then? I've been acting for her.
I hope she's paid her bill.
I'm away for a few hours and what happens? It seems to me, we have two separate enquiries.
It seems to me two bodies means a connection! Come on! Will I tell you what I've found out? Tell me.
Monday, December 17th, 1990.
Staff meeting at 11 o'clock.
Carry on.
Miss Girling's flight was at midnight or thereabouts.
Thereabouts? Defending counsels can drive horses and carts through words like thereabouts.
Go on.
She set off in her car at six.
Seen by? Miss Scotby.
But she never got to the ski slopes.
She landed in a hole near her office.
We've still got two bodies.
One old, one new.
What's the connection? The college.
Leave your address, we'll put the medal in the post(!) Anita Sewell.
Didn't she? Accuse a staff member of sexual harassment? Yes.
What was his name? Fallowfield.
Mucky devil.
Mind you, can't say I blame him.
A place like thatcan do terrible things to an old man's libido.
Fallowfield isn't that old.
I don't give a toss.
I want to talk to him.
Who found the body? A man called Pearl.
He was representing Sewell in her case against Fallowfield.
There's too many coincidences.
I hate coincidences.
She's dead? Yeah.
But that's dreadful! As I understand it, the girl was doing her best to ruin your career.
Sorry? You mean? Come on, you can't imagine that Imagination doesn't come into my work, Dr Fallowfield.
Only facts and other items of that nature.
Well, in that case .
.
you should see this.
A letter to yousigned Anita.
Anita Sewell, the dead girl? It's her writing.
Feel free to read it.
Did she come to see you last night? No.
I stayed up till 1 o'clock.
Being an educated man, you can probably guess the next question.
No, I didn't go out last night or see anything.
That's two good answers but I was going to ask a different question.
These accusations about you and Anita, should we believe them? I never denied there was a close relationship.
Close relationship? These things can happen on a campus.
I wouldn't know about that.
You know about campuses.
Do these things happen? Yeah, they happen.
And sometimes they turn sour? Yeah.
Yes.
I know.
There's nowt funny about a broken heart.
Been there.
Done that.
Got custody of the microwave.
Did you know Alison Girling? I didn't take up my post here until the September after she died.
Note it.
Right.
We'll need a formal statement, Dr Fallowfield.
I assume you're not planning to rush off on any skiing holidays.
I won't be going anywhere.
What do you reckon to him? He's got to be a prime suspect.
I don't see him as a killer though.
Two murders in one place means a connection.
Very astute.
By God! They have universities in some pretty places, don't they? Should I become an academic? A sideways career move? I could take the first step and buy a book.
I could lend you one.
Do you speak Austrian? No such language.
How do they communicate? Semaphore? You found another one? Yes.
If I can help Can you speak German? Sorry, comrade.
Now if you'd said Italian But I can tell you the date and time that slab were laid.
You can? Laid the bugger myself, didn't I? You will be aware of the events that brought Superintendent Dalziel here.
I thought it sensible DALZIEL COUGHS .
.
or rather, Mr Dalziel thought it sensible to gather staff and student representatives so that he might clarify the nature of his inquiries.
Facts first.
The remains under the statue were identified as those of Miss Girling.
We are treating that as murder.
And the body found this morning is that of a student, Anita Sewell.
We are treating that as murder also.
Can you tell us the cause of death? Which one? Anita.
No, not yet.
What about the security of the other students? Use your common sense.
Don't wander about on your own after lights out.
Especially females.
That applies anywhere in the land.
This is a Godless age as Miss Disney will confirm.
Quite so.
We're talking serial killers.
Once every five years makes him a bit slow.
MOBILE PHONE RINGS Switch that off or leave the room! I'll leave my colleague to listen and report back.
I'll see what I can do.
When did you identify Miss Girling? Yesterday evening.
So how come people knew in the afternoon? You mean staff? Staff and students.
I can't imagine.
Perhaps one of you will tell me when we meet face to face.
Are we all to be interviewed? We're drawing up a timetable.
What about our timetables? Disrupting your work is unfortunate.
Disrupting mine is obstruction and an offence in law.
I realise that If it'll help, I'll talk to each of you in situ, in your native habitat.
How's that for diplomacy? Exactly what we've come to expect, Superintendent.
Wiedersagen bitte.
Ich bin Pascoe.
Pascoe! Ja.
Ja.
Sergeant Pascoe.
Polizie.
What are you doing? Trying to talk to Austrian police about a crash five years ago.
What are you doing? Free-range interviews.
Mobile inquisition.
Hello? Marion Carreaux? Head of the fine art department? Yes.
Highly-tuned deductive powers.
Does er, does this symbolise something? Only itself.
It's for my next exhibition in Paris.
I don't know anything about art but er But you know what you like? I wasn't going to say that.
You must be very good to be head of department at your age.
Are you? Don't be coy.
You're either very good or you've got friends in high places.
I'm very good.
Me an' all.
So we should get on.
Mais bien sur, mon cheri.
Oh.
When you made the emmemorial to Miss Girling you must have been nowt but a bairn.
Pardon? A mere child.
I was in my final year here.
And then you came straight onto the staff? No.
I completed my foundation course here.
I studied for two years in London and returned as head of department.
Soyou've paid your dues.
I hope so.
And em, how did you get on with er, Alison Girling? She was the best friend I ever had.
KNOCK ON DOOR It's open.
Sam Fallowfield's famous ever-open door.
I might have been the police.
They've already been.
They told you about Anita? Yes.
Was that what you came to tell me? It might have been my fault.
What? I told her.
Shared our dreadful secret with her.
You bloody idiot! Your gospel said, do what you like but be responsible for your actions.
It still says that.
I'm responsible for my actions.
And you? What about me? You're history, Sam.
You may find this a difficult idea to grasp but I loved Anita.
In your own peculiar way? We all love in our own peculiar way.
Oh, yes.
I know.
I could show you the scars.
Why did you tell her? Showing off as usual? The man who knows everything? The demi-god? It takes one to know one.
I suppose you KNOW who killed her? Oh, yes.
I know that too, Sam.
Was Alison Girling a well-liked woman? At the personal level, yes.
But professionally Finish the sentence if you will, Mr Saltecombe.
It was the spirit of the times.
You have the er, advantage of me there.
I'm not a historian.
December, 1990, the time in question.
We'd just been told the college was to become part of the university.
Girling's job was to be upgraded and advertised.
Who wanted the job? Everybody in sight.
Scotby, Disney, Dunbar, Girling herself.
You? Oh, yes.
Are you an ambitious man? Not any more.
Was.
It wore off after about 20 minutes.
You were describing the spirit of the times, in the year of our Lord 1990, when Alison Girling died.
Poisonous.
Henry Saltecombe? The man is an old woman - a gossip and mischief-maker.
So things were peaceful enough in the college at that time? No mischief? Passions running higher than average? Passions always run high in seats of learning.
Education is about passion.
Our need to know is informed by passion.
Is that right? Tell me about the memorial, Miss Disney.
What do you want to know? I'm sorry it's a crude, policeman's question but er, who paid for it? Alison paid for it.
She paid for her own memorial? Not even Prince Albert did that.
It was to be a memorial to the old college before it was swallowed up.
But when Alison died, it seemed the proper way to pay our tribute.
And er, Marion Carreaux got the job? Yes.
She was a brilliant student.
She has an international reputation, though I do find her work perplexing.
I thought it was ME, being stupid.
No, I don't think so.
But she got the job on merit, not because she was teacher's pet? Ah.
Yes? It is fair to say that Marion and Alison were very good friends.
On the other hand, provided people observe Christian principles, there's nothing wrong in friendships between students and staff members.
In my time I have been both teacher and pet and it has done me no harm.
What about Dr Fallowfield? Dr Fallowfield is beneath contempt.
PHONE RINGS Wield.
Right.
The big man's on his way.
Anything to tell him? Officially, Girling flew overnight on December 17th.
However However? That slab was laid on the morning of the 18th.
I'm looking for the chief policeman.
It's Mr Lapping.
You found the body with Mr Pearl.
Aye.
But it's not about that.
You want to tell us something else? Obviously.
I wouldn't be here else, would I? Anything specific? Lads and lasses dancing naked at midnight.
Is that specific enough? It's specific enough for me.
Is that a police dog? Trained to find student radicals.
Student radicals? I used to be one of those.
And you just happened to have your binoculars with you? No.
I always have them with me.
Including now.
See.
Night sight lens, is it? Aye.
They're for bird-watching.
I've got my eye on a little dunlin nest.
Dunlin? Yes, it's er It's like a sandpiper.
Ah.
Were you er, on your own? Oh, no, no.
Hedley was with me.
Hedley? Me dog.
He's named after Hedley Verity.
Yorkshire and England.
Left-arm spinner.
Aye.
Died in a German PoW camp.
Lovely lad, lovely lad.
Still, my Hedley being a dog, is not much of a witness, is it? No.
So, you see, I'm relying on you, Mr Lapping.
Now, you say you saw these young people and they were dancing.
Aye well, sort of.
If you can call it dancing, you know.
There were no music as such.
They were coming from one of them machine things - a blaster.
Is that it? A ghetto blaster.
If you say so, Mr eroh, whatever your name is.
Anyway, as I said, there were no real, what we call, music.
There was just a thumping.
Drive you potty! But thenthis chap came along and he chased them all away.
A chap? Aye.
Wearing a big hat.
Could you identify the chap? Oh, no.
No.
I were too far away to identify anybody.
ButI could describe his hat.
Is there a bird called a dunlin? Yes.
It's em, it's like a sandpiper.
Good.
Do you know what a pork pie hat looks like? Yes.
New York jazz musicians used to wear them.
Lester Young used I don't want a bloody thesis.
I know what one looks like.
Why are you waving that bog paper about? It's Sewell's medical report.
It's interesting.
Go on.
Fascinate me.
She was drowned.
Probably held face down in the lake.
No sign of sexual interference.
Fairly interesting.
Bearing in mind her alleged affair, how about this? She was a virgin.
Sod you, Pascoe.
I'm fascinated.
Virginity is just a state of mind.
This place is getting to you.
You're starting to talk like them.
But you always did.
Where's the bar? This way.
INAUDIBLE Two pints of best and a bottle of single malt to take out.
Legally speaking, out-sales are restricted to union members.
I'm sure the union president will sign me in.
A pleasure and a privilege.
Daniel.
No midnight raves tonight? I'm sorry? Dancing by the light of the moon with no kecks on.
I'm not familiar with the local vernacular.
But if you mean what I think you meanit was my birthday.
How old are you? 23.
And Anita Sewell got the present.
I don't find that amusing.
Nor do I.
But if you want to put a smile on my face, speak to Sergeant Wield.
Give him the names of your friends who were at your party so we can compare notes with our witnesses.
I may invoke the fifth.
I once invoked the fifth with a feller.
Broke his nose.
Ta.
Where's your paramour tonight? No idea.
Sergeant Pascoe's lost his young lady.
Any idea where she is? Dans sa chambre.
Writing.
Je croix.
Writing.
Of course.
Deeply indebted.
Merci, monsieur.
Sante.
Sante.
The French connection.
They understand about sex.
That's the heart of the mystery.
Sex.
Are you speaking professionally or philosophically? There's so much of it around here.
You could bottle the surplus and sell it to old farts like me.
It's not a bad pint this, you know.
Wasted on this lot.
You can get me another before you go.
Where am I going? You're off to see your young lady.
She's writing.
She'll need help with the long words - like virginity! I've to discuss virginity with you.
We did that years ago.
Made a decision, put it into practice - on that rug.
I assume you remember.
I've never looked at another rug since.
What does he want to know? WE want to know why Anita was a virgin yet she was having an affair with Fallowfield? Is that right? According to the medics.
I'd always assumed Fallowfield was an old queen.
What makes you think that? How should I know? I just do.
Maybe he's a bit AC/DC, but no, I'm sure he's gay.
Is there much of a gay scene here? There's every sort of scene.
Disney and her Bible students.
Disney? I don't think it's anything sinister.
Girl talk and a bit of hair stroking.
You make me feel so innocent and virginal.
Read my novel.
That'll fix you.
You know I only read in bed.
Take off your badge, Sheriff, and we'll solve both problems at once.
SOCIAL CHA It looks like Widdicombe Fair.
What is it? Our annual open day.
Designed to convince the world that, compared to our campus, Oxbridge is a pimple on the intellectual landscape.
We're selling higher education like you would sell double glazing.
Does it work? Does it hell! Miss Scotby.
Miss Disney.
You're looking radiant today.
Are you after my fingerprints? I expect my sergeant already has your fingerprints.
What do you mean? You should marry the lad.
What? You heard.
Is it your business? Of course it is.
I need my staff in good condition.
Settled in mind and body.
Is that what marriage does? Yes.
You're a good lass and he's a good lad but if you tell him I said so, I'll never speak to you again.
That's a very tempting offer.
My intended wants a word with you.
Excuse me, my dear.
What is it? Meetings held the day Girling died.
Meetings? That's plural.
Yep.
A staff meeting then interviews after lunch including interviews for the post of head of biology.
So Fallowfield was here that day? Yes.
Started in the following September.
That's all the bugger said.
Come on.
When I was your age, we were too poor to have phones.
Presumably they were still a recent invention? If we need to fit anybody up, that little turd will do nicely.
You were here being interviewed the day Girling was killed.
You had an assignation with Anita Sewell, the night she was killed.
Anything you say will be regarded with great scepticism, especially as you're queer as a nine-bob-note.
KNOCKS ON DOOR Dr Fallowfield? Wait here.
Afternoon.
Hello.
Sergeant! Come here! Open the curtains.
Mind where you walk.
They sometimes crap on the floor.
Have a good look.
Then tell me what you think.
I know what I think.
Sergeant! Doesn't look like anything's been taken.
But something was imported.
Anita Sewell's clothes? They match the description.
I'll check it out.
Leave it.
Somebody's having us on.
Sotell me what you can see.
Do you suppose Fallowfield's done this himself? I want observation not psycho-bleeding analysis.
Nothing's been stolen.
Nothing's been broken.
Very civilised vandalism.
Bottles and glasses and poncy bits of ceramics left alone and unharmed.
Maybe they didn't want to make a noise? Good lad.
What about the writing on the wall? Some of it's in aerosol.
Some of it's in chalk.
Different style.
Two languages.
That one's Latin.
Don't know what it means.
Two people? Together or apart? Sorry? Do some detecting.
Talk to the neighbours.
We didn't hear anything.
I saw that lady.
That wasn't today! Tell me about the lady.
That was the night before last.
She was going to see Mr Flabbyfield.
Fallowfield.
When did you see her? 2 o'clock.
Not light 2 o'clock, dark 2 o'clock.
What were you doing up? I was having a Jimmy Riddle.
David! He's doing fine! David, how old was this lady? As old as your mum? Not old like my mum.
Old like our Sharon.
How old's Sharon? 24.
Have you ever seen a man wearing a big hat? Yes.
Can you remember when that was? Today on my video.
Clint Eastwood.
So we've got Anita Sewell at the cottage at 2 o'clock in the morning.
But Mr Lapping, the intrepid bird-watcher, says he saw the stranger in the big hat break up the bacchanalian orgy at midnight.
I'm open to brilliant offers.
The party breaks up.
Anita goes to keep her date with Fallowfield.
Who takes her to the lake and drowns her? And who undresses her? Why is he bothering to take all her clothes off if he's a shirt-lifter by trade? It's a bit too bizarre.
PHONE RINGS Pascoe.
Yep.
Right.
If Fallowfield is the killer, he left the body there to make it look as if it was part of the orgy.
Yes Which means he knew about the orgy in the first place.
I think he's the kind of man young people confide in.
Maybe he's got too many secrets for his own good.
We've been looking at the staff.
A conspiracy for grown-ups, if we can dignify them with such a word.
But you're talking about staff conspiring with students.
Danke.
That was my man in Austria.
What did Dr Freud tell you? Keep doing it till you need glasses? The hotel records show that Girling booked an extra room in October but it was cancelled at the last minute.
That only helps if we know who she was taking.
The booking was for Marion Carreaux.
Get on to HQ.
We need Fallowfield.
Prime suspect, key witness or both.
But find him.
I'm going to discuss art with Marion.
There's not much to tell.
I was Miss Girling's favourite, I suppose.
Teacher's pet? Nothing unnatural.
She thought I was talented.
Ah.
And now you have an international reputation, so she was right, yeah? I hope so.
A flower that blossomed.
So, tell me about the holiday trip.
She commissioned the sculpture.
It cost a great deal of money.
Then she suggested I go on holiday with her.
My mother had died and I was dreading Christmas, so I thought, "Why not?" But you didn't go.
Why not? Disney put a stop to it.
She came to my room, all indignant, said it was very improper.
She would make sure Miss Girling lost her job.
With apposite quotes from the King James Bible, no doubt.
I truly can't remember.
I remember I was very frightened.
I was only 20.
So you told Miss Girling you weren't going? I was afraid.
I phoned her.
Invented a story about my father needing me at home for Christmas.
She was very matter-of-fact, almost as if she'd expected it.
Said she'd ring the agents, cancel the booking and so on.
Wished me a Merry Christmas and that was that.
When was this? On the Monday morning.
And then you went home? No.
She said no.
And now, it's 5 o'clock in the afternoon.
All the meetings and interviews are over and Carreaux wants to fix the fences.
She comes here to see Girling, say sorry.
The secretary's gone.
The study's empty.
So she knocks on Girling's front door.
Was that where Girling lived? Up the stairs.
There's a suite of rooms.
We could get the key.
No, leave it.
We'd probably find six more bodies.
No, we won't.
I've checked.
So, Carreaux knocks at the door.
She knocks at the door.
She hears voices, loud, very angry.
A man and a woman.
Disney? Fallowfield? She doesn't recognise them.
She does the sensible thing.
Clears off and comes back later.
Right? An hour later, 6 o'clock.
She's walking back and she sees Girling's car leaving.
Here endeth her story.
Scotby also saw the car leave at 6 o'clock.
LOUD MUSIC What the hell's that? Saturday night disco.
'60s revival night.
Why would they want to revive them? It was bad enough first time round.
Has she promised you the last waltz? Well Have we found Fallowfield? He took his car in for repair but hasn't collected it.
It might not be him.
Not a double-murderer? When Marion joined the staff Marion? Even I'm allowed to like people! All right.
When Marionjoined.
The old bats didn't reckon her much, especially Disney.
Fallowfield befriended her, stood between her and the flying shit.
OK.
So why is someone trying to make him look bad? By planting the girl's clothes.
Bit obvious though.
Leaving the suitcase Unless they were interrupted.
What? By those intellectual vandals who didn't break anything of value? They're not normal, these people.
MUSIC: "Whiter Shade of Pale" by Procol Harum INAUDIBLE Ellie? Mmm.
Has anyone seen Fallowfield today? SHE PUNCHES HIM What was the question? I've forgotten.
I have a question.
The answer's yes.
Just give me ten minutes.
Did you enjoy the novel? It's brilliant.
You haven't even read it.
But everything you do is brilliant.
You'll never guess what your boss said to me today.
What?! Come on! I can't believe we're doing this! LAUGHING AND GIGGLING LOUD MUSIC: "Shout" by Lulu and the Luvvers Yes! May I have a word? What? Oh.
I hope I didn't wake you.
That's the best joke I've heard since I got here.
Sam wouldn't hurt a fly.
He used to be the most popular guy on campus.
Green politics, women's lib, men's lib, everbody's lib.
He was the pied piper.
Yeah.
And we all know who followed the pied piper.
Children.
Rats.
Well, there are a couple of rats.
Hey! Who's the policeman in this bed? Sorry.
PHONE RINGS Hello.
Just a moment please.
PASCOE GROANS DALZIEL ACCENT: I want to speak to yon bloody Casanova.
Some students have occupied the office.
Landor's office? OUR bloody office.
Homage to the '60s.
What? Occupations were all the rage then.
Anybody paying homage on my patch will get their arses kicked.
I want men here in ten minutes.
No flashing lights, no sirens.
Sir.
Please handle this discreetly.
Subtlety's my middle name.
Ask my sergeant.
It's his middle name.
This is Superintendent Dalziel.
The room you are in is no longer part of the offices of this college.
It is the headquarters of a murder enquiry.
Interference with papers or other information will make you liable to very serious charges.
The reinforcements are here.
That was quick.
Are they on a bonus? I phoned the police when I heard the commotion.
Very public spirited.
Doors and windows covered.
If they try to get out, I want them grabbed.
Right.
Won't you come in? Since it's our room, I won't bother saying thank you.
I'm sorry.
We did not realise that this was no longer Dr Landor's study.
LAUGHTER Ho hum, Mr President.
Are you enjoying yourself? Get off the desk.
NOW! I won't comment on the sentiment but I will correct the spelling.
D - A - L - Z - I - E - L.
Thus respecting the age-old rule, I before E except after C and especially after the Z in my name.
Whoever wrote thisyou're a disgrace to your generation.
Was it you? I've got nothing to say.
That confirms what everybody says about you.
This has all been rather stupid.
Please accept my apologies on behalf of all the students.
We'll clean everything up before we go.
You won't touch anything.
And you're not going anywhere.
Ooh! Is the building surrounded? He's probably called out the SAS.
I'm holding everyone in this room on suspicion of illegal entry, interfering with evidence, possession of the drug cannabis, damage to property by defacing a wall.
And someone's been at my single malt.
Now then .
.
who's got the keys? Keys? No forcible entry, therefore .
.
you must have some keys.
Somebody else has got them.
Just like life, innit, eh? Well, in that case we'll have all your names and then we'll negotiate an armistice.
Is that necessary? Oh, yes, Mr President.
Not only necessarybut compulsory.
THEY CHANT DALZIEL'S NAME Thank you.
Thank you.
Turn that light off.
It's unnecessary.
That was a bit OTT, wasn't it? Oh, don't tell me.
"It's the job, lady, it's what I do.
" If you don't like it, put it in the novel.
Ooh! Who's coming now? Bloody French foreign legion? Are all universities like this? No.
Some of them are in towns.
Shut up.
What's happened? It's Dr Fallowfield.
I think he's dead.
Did you call the ambulance? Yes.
Name? Sandra Firth.
You all know how to enjoy a Saturday night(!) It's not funny! I'm not laughing.
Am I laughing, Sergeant? No, sir, definitely not.
What were you doing here? I work here.
I was going to look at my files.
Franny said it would be in the spirit of the '60s.
What did you use for keys? Keys.
Taking over my office, wasn't that good enough for you? I was there but it seemed to be getting a bit out of hand.
In what way? Well, you know I know about people stuffing powder up their nostrils and taking pills and smoking exotic cheroots.
Is that what I'm supposed to know? Yeah.
We'll talk about that later.
Tell me about finding the corpse.
I came in and it was darkand it was spooky.
Franny says you should always walk towards the thing that frightens you.
Franny? Franny Roote.
A president and a prophet.
And there was this light coming from Dr Fallowfield's study.
OK.
Show me.
Superintendent Dalziel.
Dead? Yeah.
How long? An hour, maybe more.
Cause? Bag that.
Did you find the note? Note? If he took his own life, it's custom and practice to leave a note.
I didn't see or touch anything.
Except the phone.
Except the phone.
Aye.
Come on.
Seal off the place till forensics arrive? I'd seal off the whole campus(!) The question is, do we still have a case to investigate or not? Hang it all on Fallowfield? A murder suspect tops himself.
Tie it up with pink ribbon, we could sleep in our own beds tonight.
You got different ideas? Did he top himself? Mm.
An overdose of phenol, probably self-administered.
Sewell possibly but not Girling.
He was only here for one day.
You fancy one of the golden oldies? Saltecombe delivered that letter and he wears a pork pie hat.
That'll make 'em sit up in court(!) And why didn't he leave a note? He left these.
Found in his wallet.
Well, well.
Franny Roote.
"To Sam with love.
" But I still fancy a note.
Suicides, nearly all attention-seeking bastards.
Are we still interested in big hats? Good morning, Sergeant.
Good morning.
Are you coming to church? I'm afraid I'm working.
On the day of rest? I respect your feelings but I have to ask you about your hat.
My hat? What about my hat? Were you wearing it the night Anita was killed? These autumn nights can be very chilly.
You may have five minutes, young man.
Though I am prepared to make a further statement later.
What is it? Did you chase the students from the woods? We have a responsibility to protect our young people.
It isn't a fashionable view but if I were a slave to fashion I'd wear a different hat.
Is that all? In your lectures, do you use chalk? Goodness me, is that now an offence? Technologically incorrect? Perhaps you could translate Latet anguis in herba.
Latet anguis in herba.
A snake lurks in the grass.
Virgil wrote that 2,000 years ago.
And you wrote it again? On his wall? I went to his cottage yesterday afternoon.
I was going to confront him.
But someone had already been there and made a dreadful mess.
I made my contribution and left.
I'm not ashamed of anything I've done.
Is Fallowfield the snake? I'm not prepared to cast the first stone.
The first stone? Isn't that from the story of the woman taken in adultery? Quite so.
I must go.
I shall be at your service if required.
These lovely old trees are to be torn up to make way for a car park.
Why does progress make things worse? Does the bar open Sunday lunchtime? I believe so.
Good.
I'll get myself a refill.
Hang on.
If I was going to top myself I might post my note, first-class.
You could put it through the internal mail here.
You're a bright lad, whatever people say.
There's more.
When Fallowfield came for his interview, he stayed the weekend.
He was paid expenses for three overnights.
All in the accounts.
No wonder the country's going broke.
MUSIC: "Roll With It" by Oasis.
Same again and don't forget the 2p on the bottle.
Are we to expect an early arrest? I hope so before I get a degree.
Third degree, no doubt.
Ta.
Put it on the slate, will you? Oh, er, if you'll forgive the expression, I have to scour your seat of learning, in search of a suicide note.
Where's the big D? Common room, going through the pigeonholes.
Will you tell him something? What? Fallowfield's previous job was at a public school where Roote was a pupil.
Roote came here for his interview on the Friday.
As in Friday before the Monday? Right.
Carreaux.
Disney.
Dunbar.
Soper.
Scotby.
Henry Saltecombe.
Go and get him! What? Mr Sodding President! I have here a copy of the letter from the late Sam Fallowfield addressed to Henry Saltecombe.
Dr Fallowfield, being a modern and methodical man, wrote it on his personal computer.
Saving it for posterity.
With Mr Saltecombe's permission, I have read the letter and taken due note of its contents.
On the computer .
.
we also found Dr Fallowfield's personal diaries.
All the intimate details going back several years, five to be precise.
It's your lucky day, sunbeam.
The autumn double.
Alison Girling and Anita Sewell.
That's rubbish.
Sam wouldn't tell lies.
He couldn't tell lies.
What about HER? MUTTERS IN FRENCH Well, it's all on the record.
Fallowfield meets Roote, falls madly in love with him.
Then he finds out the boy is mad, bad and dangerous to know.
Tries to protect Sewell from him.
So Roote invents that phoney charge.
All Fallowfield had to do was admit he was gay.
He decided to fight it - to the death.
And Marion? I'm sure she'll tell you everything.
Your problem is, people love you.
That's a problem? Men and women.
If you say sosweetie.
I'm nobody's sweetie.
You might say that's my tragedy.
But it's a better tragedy than Marion's, I reckon.
Is that when you met her? That weekend you went for the interview? Certainly I did.
It isn't illegal to meet people.
And you had to make up your mind.
Sam Fallowfield or Marion Carreaux? We met when he came for his interview.
People tend to fall in love with him and live to regret it.
We had a bit of a fling over the weekend.
He asked me to spend Christmas with him.
It seemed like more fun than skiing in Austria with Miss Girling.
We went to see her, to tell her.
She took it badly? There was a lot of shouting.
You said, "A man and a woman shouting.
" But it was you doing the shouting, yes? Yes.
There was a sort of a fight.
Girling slapped her face.
Marion grabbed hold of Girling's hair.
And it came off? It was a wig, wasn't it? She fell back, banged her head on the fireplace.
I've taken legal advice.
It's accidental death.
She attacked me and Franny hit her with a poker.
And Dr Fallowfield? Franny phoned him.
Said we had a problem.
He'd do anything for Franny.
Hehelped us clear up the mess.
He was a good man.
Marion was brilliant.
She cancelled her flight and her hotel booking, flew to Austria in Girling's spare wig and a pair of shades, and then flew back again.
Who buried the body? Sam and I did that between us.
It's amazingly hard work.
Then, who organised the bus crash? That really was an act of God.
Ohyou mean you really believe there's a superior being? Superior to you? Maybe.
But if the job falls vacant, I'll be applying.
He's a control freak.
I don't speak jargon.
Try me with English.
He likes to think the world depends upon him.
Staff and students.
Anita Sewell? Was potty about him.
They all were in their time.
Sam Fallowfield, Marion Carreaux, Anita Sewell, Sandra Firth Sure.
I talk a lot.
I'm good at it.
I told Anita I'd got the goods on everybody.
I told her about Girling.
Well, what's there to hide? It's accidental death.
And you were high on drugs and showing off.
Single malt is an addictive drug or so I'm told.
Marion doesn't think it was accidental death.
She sees everything as art.
You realised that if Anita talked, that would be your career down the tubes.
What's one life compared with the work of a true artist? Precisely.
At least it wasn't personal.
It was also personal.
You didn't like Anita Sewell? She had Franny.
People fall in love with him? Of course.
And you stayed that way? Yes.
Do you have crimes of passion in this country? Looks like it, yeah.
So it was all right to stitch him up? Make it look like a sex crime? Trash the cottage? Leave Anita's Sam was on a serious guilt trip.
Sam was Jewish mother to the world.
He'd have handled it.
And what about you? Do you take responsibility for anything? God, no.
I'm a child of the '80s.
There is no such thing as society.
Next question.
BBC Scotland - 1996