Dead Boy Detectives (2024) s01e02 Episode Script

1
[Edwin] Previously on Dead Boy Detectives
We are the Dead Boy Detective Agency.
- [Charles] He's the brains
- [man screaming]
I'm the brawn.
We're ghosts, and we solve mysteries.
[Emma] I would like you
to help my friend, Crystal.
Why can't I remember?
Temporary side effect
of demonic possession.
[Edwin] She shouldn't even be here.
Why's she here?
Imagine if we had a psychic
for Case of the Shrieking Doll.
She can help out with the living.
This girl's alive. We have to help her.
Wouldn't it be good to get out of town?
[Crystal clears throat] Excuse me?
You have a room to rent?
- You wanna rent it?
- Mmm-hmm.
Hello.
Hi.
Whoa.
- [cat struggling]
- Binding spell. One of my tricks.
Now, I have a missing girl to find.
So tell me about this witch.
[Esther] Hi.
I'm Esther.
[gasps]
Becky's down here!
[Esther gasps, chokes]
[Charles grunting]
[Esther laughing]
You three have opened a real bag of worms.
You have no idea.
Found you two naughty boys.
Didn't I?
[Crystal] So I'm trading that evil witch
for an air mattress in the office, right?
[Charles] Great idea, Crystal.
[Edwin] We'll discuss it.
[cat meows]
[Charles] Oi, cat.
You come to say good-bye?
[cat] You're not going anywhere.
Your fancy pal used magic on a cat.
He's gotta answer for it.
A good detective does what he needs to
in order to solve a case.
Now, move.
The Cat King is pissed.
We're taking you to him.
[cats meowing]
[Charles] Edwin?
[cats meowing]
What exactly did you do, mate?
[cats meowing, yowling]
All right, then.
This is a matter of diplomacy,
so let me do the talking.
Diplomacy? It's just a bunch of cats.
[cats snarling]
[Crystal gasps]
They didn't like him, did they?
What's wrong? It's just a bunch of cats.
We were invited to see the Cat King.
Hi.
Can all cats do that?
[laughing] "Can all cats do that?"
Of course not.
I'm a Cat King.
I can tell you're not
the brains of the operation. [yawns]
Sorry, I'm already bored. [chuckles]
Which one of them used the magic on you?
The scrawny one
that just had the nerve to talk to you.
Oh.
We are the Dead Boy Detectives,
we're solving a mystery
Oh, I don't care.
Using magic on my cats
is a total car crash on your part.
We
should discuss your offense.
Privately.
[Charles] Oi.
He's not going anywhere with you.
[Edwin] Charles, come here.
Perhaps a conversation
is the best play here.
I agree with Charles.
Let's just kick cats until we're out.
Want to end up like him?
Not to mention,
cat scratches are like poison to ghosts.
There are too many cats here
who know that.
I don't like the look of him.
I am perfectly capable of handling this.
[Cat King] So
Telling secrets about me already.
Don't you dare try any funny business.
- [Cat King] Hmm.
- [cats snarling]
[Cat King] So
What should your punishment be?
Where did Charles go?
Charles. Ooh.
Do you two have a special friendship?
We are best friends, if you must know.
Oh, wow, okay.
Okay. You don't have to do all that.
This is a safe space.
My kingdom is all about want and pleasure.
You're threatening to punish me.
Well, they're not mutually exclusive.
Well
Can we clear up this magic leash business?
I don't see the harm in one little spell.
Oh, no? You don't?
You are so oddly handsome.
You fascinate me.
[gasps]
I am fascinated by you.
[Edwin grunts]
What the bloody hell is this?
Oh, that?
Well, it's your punishment.
It's a caging spell.
It keeps you
in this town.
My
kingdom. [laughs]
You can't leave. Not in a car,
in a boat, in a plane, on a train,
and definitely, definitely
not through a mirror.
You little ghosts are so tricky.
Unacceptable.
Kindly remove it.
We cannot stay here. It is dangerous.
[clicks tongue] Oh, Edwin.
What was it you just said to me?
"I don't see the harm
in one little spell."
Look, it comes right off
as soon as you make me happy.
And what would make you happy?
I'm fairly sure
we can figure something out.
But I can see that has offended
your old-fashioned sensibilities.
Look, I'm a fair and consensual Cat King.
So I'll give you another option.
Count all the cats in Port Townsend,
and then the bracelet will come off.
Count all of the cats in Port Townsend?
Edwin!
[seagull squawking]
Are you all right, mate?
Where have you been?
Only been gone a few moments.
No, you've been gone for literal hours.
Um, what is that on your wrist?
- [thudding]
- [Edwin grunting]
- You think that's gonna do it?
- You tried picking the lock.
Can't go through the mirror to the office.
No mirror travel. Other suggestions?
You could start counting cats.
Like, counting them as fast as you can.
That Cat King would not give me
something that easy. He's a trickster.
Oh, right. He tricked my wary partner
into allowing that bracelet to happen.
[Edwin] Oh.
Are we now pointing out poor decisions?
You possessed a witch,
exposing us
to reprisals from the afterlife.
You know possessing the living
sets off alarms.
And yet nothing happened.
You always fixate on the worst outcome.
You won't go back to Hell
if we get caught. You just move on.
Oi, we don't know
what my afterlife looks like.
And also,
I'm not going anywhere without you.
And no one's going anywhere
until that thing is off.
What else did Whiskers say?
Nothing.
I told you, it was quick. [grunts]
Okay. Props for
the, like, Herculean-level effort,
but vandalizing my shit
isn't getting us anywhere.
Oh, you love this, don't you?
Oh, my God. Here we go.
Which part do I love, Edwin? Hmm?
Having a witch after me,
or being harassed by my demon stalker ex?
No, you're right.
I love being stuck in a strange town
where I have a literal 0% chance
of finding my parents.
Enough with the banging!
Whatever angsty, John Hughes-level
bullshit that's going on in here,
just do it more quietly.
I'm trying to be patient
because I have a pretty strong feeling
you have nowhere else to go.
So, chill.
You're gonna get me kicked out.
Or you could just leave.
I'm the one with the evil bracelet,
so feel free to hop on the next ferry.
Nah, he didn't mean that.
- Oh, no, he did.
- Yes, I did.
And I am gonna leave
before I say something mean.
Like pointing out
that you're so self-centered
that your astronomically huge ego
can be seen from outer space.
- Don't say it.
- I wasn't gonna, was I?
[postman] Mail call!
- [sighs]
- Okay.
You need to stop sneaking up on us, but
Mail.
You don't have to bring the mail here.
We're not staying long.
[postman] Mail gets forwarded
to wherever you are.
Chin up, mate. It'll only take a second
for our reputation to catch on here
in Port Townsend.
We do not have to catch on in this town.
Again, we are not staying.
Well, it's not all junk mail.
Look, a magic shop.
Let's get that bracelet looked at
by a professional.
[sighs]
"I'm trying to be patient
because you don't have anywhere to go."
I do have somewhere to go.
And probably a family. I just
[sighs]
I just don't remember.
Oh. Shit. Sorry.
No, I, um
[pop music playing]
[music stops]
Oh, my God. Holy shit!
Uh, help! Help! Jenny!
You know, this shop is really aces,
Tragic Mick.
[Tragic Mick] Ayup.
Not a bad showing for a cursed walrus
who's trapped on land looking like a man.
And that's not coming off.
- [sighs]
- Right, you're a cursed walrus.
That's cool.
Shelves full of magical trinkets
and not one will work?
Ayup. That there's one of them spells
that can only be undone by the caster.
[sighs] Great.
Well, no luck here.
So that bracelet is staying on.
So let's start counting cats.
Um, you okay, mate?
This is such a mess.
[Tragic Mick chuckles]
A real mess is one day finding out
that your life's been taken away.
I was once a mighty walrus,
free in the ocean,
a proud king of the deep blue.
It all started one night
We are in a bit of a time crunch.
No, what he means is, um
There must be something else
that can help us.
[Edwin sighs]
You can take this.
Okay. Cool.
What does it do?
Makes a great paperweight. Plus
it's enchanted to make ocean sounds.
[waves splashing]
[chuckles]
Oh, for goodness' sake.
Thanks.
Esther.
Forgot that you were still, uh, browsing.
[Esther] Hmm.
You're just so
Gorgeous?
Terrifyingly quiet.
Well, you know me.
I like to take my time.
Savor the
details.
Stalk my prey. Did, um
Did my ears deceive me,
or did those boys say that
they're stuck in my, um In my town?
Ayup. They said something like that.
Well
[exhales]
I'll take this.
What do you plan on doing with that?
Uh, let's call it
a revenge starter kit.
She's probably dehydrated.
Make sure she gets
plenty of fluids and rest.
It's more than dehydration.
You're not listening.
Her nose was bleeding, she was sweating,
and before that, she was
I don't know if she was seeing it,
but I was seeing colors in the air.
Right.
Uh, I need to open the shop.
Crystal, can you keep an eye on her?
- Yeah.
- Great.
You can call me if anything changes.
[inhales sharply] That was
rather embarrassing for you.
[sighs] All right. Let's see
what's really going on in that head.
Charles, something's wrong.
Crystal?
That's enough!
Crystal!
[groans]
Is she all right?
[breathing heavily] I'm okay.
I'm okay.
All I saw was Was colors and And light.
Whatever it is,
I've never seen anything like it.
You had me scared there for a minute.
[Crystal grunts]
[sighs]
Here's the list of questions
to ask her when she wakes.
You'll help her?
This is an almost perfect example
of a supernatural mystery
that can only be solved by us.
Clearly, that living doctor
proved entirely useless.
Come on, it's not his fault
Western medicine is so limited, is it?
Charles, stop being so nice.
Crystal, stay with Niko. Back shortly.
Uh, why do I have to babysit?
Being a detective
is not all invading people's minds,
reading objects,
and ta-da, there's your answer.
Sometimes, actual detective work
is required.
We need our reference books from London.
Just one problem there, mate.
- Is it this one?
- No.
No. Once again,
it is a large, blue medical volume.
Does that look blue to you?
Can't see where you're pointing to, can I?
[sighs]
And I'm chained to a town across an ocean,
but I'm doing my level best.
Now, it should be down and to the left.
Is that your left or my left?
We have the same left!
[quietly] Niko Sasaki.
Uh, hi.
I'm Crystal.
I live across the hall.
We actually met once.
Do you remember what happened?
Oh.
You're in my room.
And you're staring at me.
Uh, wait. I just have
a couple of questions for you.
Your full legal name?
No, thank you.
[exhales] Okay, uh
Do you have a history of fainting? Yes.
Are the women of your family
prone to hysteria?
Oh, come on, Edwin.
Uh
You're supposed to rest.
I'm sorry if I made you worried,
complete stranger,
but I usually feel better
after a hot shower.
So this has happened before?
To what level of frequency
There's nothing that matches
any of Niko's symptoms
in here, or in those.
Check again. And move quickly, please.
Remember, Death has been here
and could very well come back.
You must've missed something on page 181
No, no, no. I checked page 181 and 325.
I can't make heads or tails
of whatever these old toffs are on about.
Looks like half of these
are in ancient Aramaic.
They are perfectly understandable
with a bit of study. If I could just
You'll rip your arm clean off.
Stop that now!
[sighs]
I'm not as quick as you,
but I am here to help.
Honestly, Edwin, can't you tell me
what really happened with the Cat King?
I have told you the lot of it.
He was uncivil, garish,
and I was taken off guard
when he spoke in my ear.
What? He whispered in your ear?
[Cat King] I am fascinated by you.
That is not important.
This is a waste of time.
Please focus on the case at hand.
Right.
Fine, then.
How about this?
Take a deep breath.
[both breathe deeply]
And put your big brain to work,
'cause the answer's
gotta be in there somewhere.
Inside my big brain.
Charles, you're a genius.
I need another book.
[Charles] Oh.
This one doesn't look all that bad.
Oh! Oh, I think I'm gonna be sick.
Charles, you're a ghost.
You cannot get sick.
Now, which one of these sneaky paranormal
parasitics found its way inside Niko?
See if you can find
a corresponding symptom.
Okay.
"Spontaneous molting of the skin"?
- No.
- "Thirst for warm blood"?
- No.
- "Itching"?
- No.
- "Colorful secretions?"
Stop. That one. Which one is that?
[Charles] "Dandelion sprites."
They sound harmless enough, don't they?
[evil laughter]
Listen, Niko.
I know we don't really know each other.
I've been going through some
Mmm.
It sucks when you feel like
you can't talk to anyone about it.
Like, even when you're around people,
you still feel alone.
- [water running]
- I don't know my family,
and I'm trying to track them down, but I
I just don't know where to start.
And what's stupid is that I could
really use some parental advice. Right?
[chuckles] Like
I want my parents
to help me find my parents.
That's how it felt when my dad died.
He always knew what to say.
And he always wore fun socks.
My mother sent me back to boarding school
the day after the funeral,
far away from the sadness.
But the sadness came too.
Is that who the letters are from?
Your mom?
- She's still in Japan?
- Yeah.
I haven't opened them.
She just wants to hear
that I'm not sad anymore,
but I can't lie to her.
Everyone keeps staring.
I had to move out of the dorm.
I had to drop out of high school.
And I can't even leave my room.
And it's really lonely.
I know what you mean.
[clears throat] God,
I feel lonely too. Like
I may never find my family. I don't
[sighs]
Wow, uh
Like, how would they ever even find me?
[lock clicks]
That's sad.
But I bet they're looking for you
right now.
You're probably right.
You're right.
Okay, so explain it to me again.
But as if I haven't been investigating
the supernatural for, like, decades.
- It's all in this book.
- We don't need it.
- Charles!
- Jesus!
You guys are like
a dead married couple on acid.
Just show me the
Oh, my God. [gags]
Holy shit.
How does today
keep getting more disgusting?
Niko is infected
with a paranormal parasite.
- Dandelion Sprites.
- Which sounds cute.
- But they're not.
- They feed on adoration, attention.
You see it
as the fuzzy pink light you described.
[Crystal] Don't look at the lights.
Got it.
They make people look at her,
and they eat up the attention.
And when they grow strong enough, then
Then what?
They, um
They exit the body.
Exit the body how?
[Edwin] However they can.
But I would not expect it to be polite.
[Niko] Crystal?
Who are you talking to?
Uh
Okay, I don't really know how to do this,
so I'm just gonna do it.
Okay, this is sort of hard to understand,
but I was talking
to my, uh, secret friends.
Friends?
You can't see them right now,
but they really wanna help you.
Okay.
Uh, I'm sort of special.
Okay, that's not the right word.
Anyway, I can see them,
and they just have
a couple of questions for you.
[softly] Oh.
- Are you insane?
- What?
She's perceptive.
Now, if we can find out where
these particular sprites were acquired,
there'll be a clue
on how to deal with them.
- Brills.
- Crystal?
Ask her if she spent any time
in woodland areas as of late.
And were there any graves
or decaying bodies near her in the woods?
[softly] God.
- Crystal? Hello?
- Mate, give her a minute.
Uh, when did all of this first start?
That is not what I said.
Well, I guess it was when
I went looking for dandelions.
When I was little, my dad used to say that
if you needed a little extra courage,
a dandelion in your pocket
would do the trick.
And when you leave Osaka to go live
on the opposite end of the globe,
you need courage.
[faint laughter]
I know there's more.
I just can't really remember.
Keep going. She needs to keep going.
You did good, Niko. Thank you.
It is "did well," Crystal.
And, no, she did not.
We need her to do better.
We need more information
if we are to have a fraction of a chance.
Ask her if she
Just think about
this place you saw in the woods.
Is there anything else about it
that seemed odd?
The only other thing I remember is
some kind of shrine.
- You did amazing.
- We need her to lead us there.
Just excuse me one second, okay, Niko?
Look at her, she needs to be in bed.
She'll look like an illustration
from this book if she doesn't.
Oh, my God. Charles, back me up.
Kind of with Edwin on this.
I know. But listen.
If the Dandelion Sprites
came from that shrine,
there may be a relic or glyph of some kind
we can use to subdue
- Uh, Niko?
- [door opens]
[pop music playing]
Wow!
[Jenny] Number 23.
Number 23!
Whoa.
Oh, shit, uh
Niko?
[music stops]
[Niko breathing heavily]
What What are we doing downstairs?
Uh
I'm sorry. Um
Who's next?
Bad boys.
Possessing a witch?
We must apprehend them. Tell me.
Um, one Charles Rowland. Minor.
Deceased: 1989.
Hypothermia and internal bleeding.
Afterlife assignment
Pending. Never crossed over.
Pending?
We don't like that, do we?
Oh, no. Of course not. A misplaced spirit.
"Misplaced"?
This ghost is not lost or confused.
He's cheating death.
Oh [exhales] One Edwin Payne. Minor.
Deceased: 1916.
Ritual sacrifice.
Afterlife assignment: Hell.
Uh, escaped, 1989.
Escaped?
Hell?
Ladies.
It is the stance of this department
that a misplaced dead child
causes more trouble than a live one.
And there are more dead children now
than ever before.
But we simply cannot allow
our success percentage to suffer.
We cannot drown in the flood
of their weak, feeble bodies.
And we must not allow
these two boys to run amok.
The Lost & Found Department
will not be outfoxed
and made to look foolish
by the very children we are meant to mind.
Start the paperwork.
Now!
[Charles] Niko's map helps, yeah?
[rustling]
Seven. Or was that six again?
No, I don't think that's a cat.
It's like a raccoon or something.
Well, this tosh of counting cats
is an exercise in humiliation.
Well, me and Crystal could help.
We'll make it a group effort.
You know, I like having her around.
Charles, that is very clear.
But my father would call her a bob tail.
[Charles] That's not very nice.
Your dad would have called me
an unlicked cub, or worse.
Let's not worry about dads, yeah?
You know, when you use
these old-timey insults on me,
I always look them up.
- I have to, don't I?
- [sighs]
I shall try to be nicer.
But Crystal is difficult.
Willful.
Combative.
[chuckles] Well, that sounds
a lot like you, doesn't it?
Wait, maybe that's why I like her so much.
See? We're figuring this out.
[exhales]
My mood isn't about Crystal.
I simply hate that
I'm the reason we are stuck in this town.
I should have known.
Welcome to not being perfect.
I knew this was about
that stupid Cat King.
Look.
Look at your fists.
That only happens
when you're very tense, mate.
I haven't seen you this tense since
the great chewing-gum debacle of '06.
What is it you're not telling me?
[Cat King] I'm fascinated by you.
You are like a dog with a bone.
Part of being a good detective,
asking questions when things get hazy.
Charles, I
[sighs]
I do not understand why you are so fixated
on the minutiae of my chat
with the Cat King. It isn't as if
[cracks]
Right.
I think we found something.
Bloody hell.
Is this what's gonna happen to Niko?
It seems they explode out,
killing the host
and spreading to the next.
[evil laughter]
[Niko coughing]
[Crystal] It's okay.
It's okay.
[sprites] Look at us. Behold us.
Give us what we want,
or we will tear the girl asunder
and find a new nest.
[Niko grunts]
What happened?
Perhaps whatever information
used to be here would've been of some help
but it's been chiseled away.
Hold on.
We've got this.
Whoever scratched it away
doesn't know that we have
lexicographical lenses
to help us see what used to be there.
It's probably not in English,
so you give it a go.
Good thinking, Charles.
Hmm.
It appears to be
a crude assemblage of runes
and some type of lettering.
Right. So, can you read it?
Not exactly.
Its base root is oddly similar to Coptic.
Maybe they share a common root?
So I would say
it is adjacent to something I can read.
I thought you said
even Aramaic was easy with a bit of study.
Bloody read it.
"These small gods
require constant gifts."
No, not gifts.
"Sacrifices."
They feed on the attention of others.
They were abandoned here
a long while back.
They must have been starving.
I'm not gonna feel bad for them,
ripping people up like this.
"Only this shrine's enchanted vessel
can contain the sprites."
Perfect.
Wait.
Enchanted how?
Can I grab it? Should I not grab it?
I I'm not sure. Just give me a
I went with "grab it."
[growling]
Time for another discussion
on your impetuous behavior.
Sure, mate. After the skeletons.
- [growls]
- [Edwin yelps]
Bollocks!
[growling]
- Oh, sorry.
- [exhales]
Hi.
I didn't think I needed to make a sign,
but obviously, no running.
Uh-huh. [clears throat]
That wasn't weird at all.
Look, I think I'm being
very chill and supportive
and single-woman-out-on-her-own
about this whole deal,
but what is going on with you?
Uh, is something wrong?
I run a business.
- In order to do that business
- I'm gonna regret this.
- I need to sleep.
- Gimme that foul book.
- Maybe there's something to explain this.
- Don't barge into my place.
[Edwin] What are you doing out here?
You should be monitoring Niko.
I'm sorry, are you kidding right now?
What are you even looking at? Hmm?
Uh Sorry. Again.
Uh, I guess I'm just distracted.
- Let's go.
- But it's totally gonna be handled.
Fine. Whatever. Just
Cut the weird shit.
Or I'll, like, evict you.
Okay. I was trying to
tiptoe around this, but we're out of time.
I'll throw a lot of information at you,
and you can't freak out.
My secret friends, they're ghosts.
What are you doing?
I can see them and communicate with them.
With me so far?
I mean
- Yes.
- [Crystal] Good.
So, ghosts are real,
and so is a bunch of other crazy stuff.
And right now,
one of those things is inside you
and wants to burst you open
like a reverse piñata.
That got dark.
But it's okay,
because my ghost friends are detectives.
And they're gonna help you.
You just have to trust us.
[Edwin] Crystal.
You can't go around
telling people ghosts are real.
They will think you're insane,
which, maybe you are,
but they make things messy.
She threw up a rainbow,
turned into a human nightlight.
What was I supposed to say?
I'm glad you told me.
See? She's glad.
Wait, really?
Just like that?
Well, I'm very open-minded
and also very concerned
about bursting open.
Honestly, I just find her so charming.
Okay. Please tell me
you've figured it out.
- We found a sacred vase at the shrine.
- Good.
- What's good?
- They found a sacred vase at the shrine.
That sounds good.
- Then Charles dropped it.
- No.
We need it to trap the sprites.
- Charles, you dropped it?
- Didn't mean to.
- Who's Charles?
- Teenage boy who dropped the vase.
That sounds bad.
- She says that sounds bad.
- We can hear her!
Don't yell at me.
He's the one that dropped the stupid vase.
Okay, okay. All right.
No need for you lot to pile on.
[sighs] Now, I know I dropped
the enchanted vessel,
but just hold up a tick.
We may not have the enchanted vase,
but we do have
- an enchanted jar.
- [waves splashing]
That's what Tragic Mick said, right?
Enchanted to sound like the sea.
A vessel, innit?
Charles, that is brilliant.
- [Edwin inhales]
- [Niko] Crystal.
Do you see that floating jar too,
or am I hallucinating?
It's okay, Niko. Don't worry about it.
Now,
assuming these offerings
are still sacred, there.
Makeshift vase.
We just need something
to lure the sprites out with.
Not just gonna go in, are they?
- [Niko groaning]
- [sprites screaming]
Oh, my God. Niko.
There has to be something on baiting.
You have a lure?
[Charles] I'm looking.
- A hook?
- I can't find anything.
- [Edwin] There's a diagram on page 130.
- What does the book say?
- [Edwin] I'm looking!
- [screaming stops]
There's no time for all of that.
I trust you guys.
Move fast when you get the chance.
Crystal, don't do anything silly.
I need to talk to the things inside Niko.
The Dandelion Sprites.
I have a really attractive offer.
[sprites] Insolent child.
Left us to starve.
Now watch while we desert this flesh.
No, wait. I have something you want.
What could you have to satiate us?
Me.
My body is all yours
if you leave Niko without hurting her.
Have you gone mental?
Niko, she has a family.
You You can't take her away from them.
I don't have a place.
I don't belong anywhere.
Please, just take me instead.
Another body just means another hunger.
But I'm different.
See, I'm a psychic medium.
I can see the dead.
Imagine the feast you could have,
feeding off attention
from the living and the dead.
Best of both worlds.
You could eat your fill.
That's what you want, right?
You'd never go hungry again.
[Niko moans]
[sprites screaming]
[laughing]
[groan]
[breathing heavily]
[sprites coughing, gagging]
[grunts]
For real,
it smells like dog shit in there.
And something else.
It's mixed with lemon or something.
It's bad.
[sprites screaming]
[grunting]
[both breathing heavily]
You cut it kind of close there.
- You're welcome.
- [chuckles]
[female sprite] Ah! Are you okay?
- Is your back okay? I'm fine.
- Okay.
[female sprite] Oh.
You must be so proud of yourself, huh?
Big man trapped two-inch sprites in a jar.
Hey, why don't you trap
a baby in a crib next?
You would love that, wouldn't you?
- You would.
- Little ghost fucker!
Why do you hate babies anyway, huh?
Charming.
Baby-trapping asshole!
Day officially saved.
Job officially jobbed.
You did amazing, Crystal.
That was rather brave.
[Crystal] Mmm-hmm.
But also dangerous and unprofessional.
Do not do it again.
[Charles chuckles]
Looks like you're feeling
like your old self again.
I suppose I am.
You do realize
that's the closest thing to a compliment
you're ever gonna get from Edwin, right?
Yeah.
That stuff you said,
about feeling like you don't have a place?
Um, uh
That was just
A good detective
says what she has to, right?
Right.
Well, for what it's worth,
I'm glad the jar worked.
- I wasn't sure it was gonna.
- Yeah. Me either.
It would be a shame
if dandelions exploded out of your face.
'Cause you know what?
I think your face is pretty mint.
You're still shooting your shot, huh?
Anyway, um
case isn't totally over yet.
We have to go back and torch dandelions
before they can infect anyone else.
Wouldn't want a town of rainbow-spewing
dandelion zombies on the loose.
[door opens]
Niko?
Holy shit! Your hair.
- I know. I look amazing.
- [Edwin] The sprites' handiwork.
Oh, my God.
Are these your friends?
Wait, you can see them?
Near-death experience. Nice.
Are you the ghost detectives?
Dead Boy Detectives.
Sweet name.
Oh! Look at these cute little guys.
Cute? That's offensive.
I think it's past the time for us
to get rid of these little irritants.
Couldn't we let them live in my room?
It's not like they can hurt anyone
inside this jar.
And maybe I can convince them
not to hurt people.
So this jar is a hate crime.
- Kingham.
- Litty.
I'm gonna tell you something
'cause I think you really need to hear it.
- You should go fuck yourself.
- And are you hearing her?
They do not seem grateful.
Or particularly nice.
- [Litty] We're not grateful.
- They're just upset.
[Litty] Bye.
I know what it's like
to want something you can't have.
[Crystal] Okay.
[sighs] That's enough sprite time.
What gives, asshole?
What are you doing
with that butt-ugly sweater?
You can take that sweater
and you can shove it up your ass.
- Do you have any clue how powerful we are?
- [Crystal] Oh. Mmm-hmm.
- We are fucking gods!
- Better hope we never get out of here.
We're gonna fuck you up.
Like, "brass knuckles and mace"
fuck you up.
We're not birds.
We know it's not nighttime.
You can't fool us.
So, you're definitely feeling better now?
Yes. And I thought about what you said,
you know, about writing to my mother.
Amazing. Your mom is gonna be so happy
to hear from you.
Oh, no, I'm not gonna do it.
I just thought about it.
But maybe.
Eventually.
[postman] Mail call!
All agency mail.
Seems like word got out
that the Dead Boy Detectives
and their brand-new medium are in town.
I'm sorry. Our brand-new medium?
- Nice.
- Already a line of ghosts forming outside.
[indistinct chatter]
One second.
[liquid boiling]
[rock music playing]
- Can you believe those pesky brats?
- [Monty crows]
And that mangy Cat King
went and trapped them in my town.
So now they're gonna be
sticking their little ghost noses
into any little girl
that I want to borrow.
If I can't milk children's fear
by feeding them to my snake,
what are we doing?
[yells]
It's the circle of life, Monty.
- Mmm.
- [bone cracks]
Snake's gotta eat.
This girl's gotta get her fix of pain
and suffering so she can stay gorgeous
- [crows]
- Shh! Monty! Be still. Be a good bird.
[Monty squawking]
Suppose it does give me time
to cook up a delicious payback.
A le festin, if you will.
And that means "feast"
- in French. [giggles]
- [growls]
- [Esther] And they're gonna get one.
- [Monty growling]
The little girl shouldn't have been able
to see inside my memories.
And those dead boys tested me,
but it won't happen again.
[Monty growling]
And that's where you come in, Monty.
My sweet, precious crow familiar.
[Monty growling]
[gasps] Monty!
Gasp. You are so charming.
Oh!
Who wouldn't trust that face.
[laughing]