Death Comes to Town (2010) s01e02 Episode Script
Who Mailed Our Mayor?
Previously on "Death Comes to Town": Welcome back, sir.
Well, believe it or not, someone actually sent you these.
Right.
Someone sent me pizzas? Ricky.
No wonder we didn't get the games.
Look at your body! I had a baby! He was adopted! Come on.
Just do it Ah! Come on, dark times.
30 pages of obituaries Do I get a mention? Nope.
Nothing again.
And no.
And why should I? You only killed the Mayor of Shuckton.
Oh, of course in new York, if you kill a janitor, you get your picture in the paper.
This is the lamest route ever.
Oh, what a lovely Shuckton morning.
Aaaahhh! Aaahhhh! Aaahhhh! Aaahhhh! Aaahhhh! Aaahhhh! That tape's a little high, isn't it? Not for some people.
Hmm.
You guys.
Come here.
I hope you have id, kid.
You too, lady.
I may have to separate you two.
All right, where the hell is she? Oh, with all due respect, this is so mother(bleeping) unprofessional I could just shit! Hello? Corrinda, where the hell are you? I'm I'm I'm-I'm at home.
Um, I-I didn't hear the phone.
I was doing hot yoga.
Okay.
Then how come I just heard that the news van is parked in front of the "no tell motel.
" Well, uh Shaye must have it.
Why don't you call him? Hey, want an encore? I just heard Shaye.
No, that was my father! I'm at home.
I did hot yoga.
Why don't both of you get your asses down to the Mayor's house.
You're missing out on the biggest news story in the history of this town! What? Ah, duh - Levon? - Yeah, what? Darling, I know that you guys just think of me as "the weather girl" Yeah, we do.
But I know I can do this.
What? Ohhh Oh please, ooohhh Please, please, please.
Okay.
Great.
Okay, but you gotta promise you'll just take it nice and easy, all right? Make love to the camera - got it.
That's not what I said.
Eye of the tiger - great advice.
You're not listening to me.
I'll trust my instincts.
Mm mm Mm Ah mm.
This is Heather weather with "Breaking News.
" Mayor Bowman is, at this moment, dead.
Coach Bowman dead? Right now we don't know too much, other than he was discovered dead this morning with his lifeless head stuffed into his own mailbox.
But, as a trained meteorologist, i can tell you that he was discovered under partially cloudy skies.
No, no weather.
Could Larry I-I-I mean Mayor Bowman's "It looks like rain?" No.
No weather.
Maybe.
Because rain is in the forecast.
No weather.
Starting around midnight and ending about 9 a.
m.
That plus all the tears that will no doubt be shed by this grieving city should add up to quite a messy morning commute.
We're out.
Oh, I nailed it, Levon.
I nailed it! Yes! Next time, please wear rubber gloves before you hand me the rubber gloves.
Yes, sir.
Thank you.
Now bag that.
Bag it.
Bag that, bag that, and that.
Bag that.
Water it, then bag it.
Hm That painting is begging to be bagged.
Bag it! Dusty.
Marilyn.
Dear dusty Oh, you poor thing.
You've been through so much.
Yes, but it's all over now.
No, no, no, I'm referring to the murder, my dear.
Not my marriage? No.
Oh, well what about you, dusty? I mean he was he was your best friend.
Yes, it's true, but everyone loved Larry.
Did they? Mm-hm.
Aw, that's, that's nice.
Well, you just make sure you find whoever it was who did this terrible thing to Larry.
I promise, if it's the last thing I do.
Oh, that's sweet.
Well, I've gotta run.
I can hear the blender crying.
Coming, baby.
Courage Bag that.
Bag that bag.
Better bag that chair, it looks expensive.
Well What do we have here, hm? Interesting.
He was killed in this room At 9:23 P.
M.
Ah well, ah Sir, welcome back.
Welcome back.
Go away.
Fine.
It's lovely to have you with us again, sir.
Hope business is good, hope it's good.
Uh, I was just wondering if ah If it's possible that maybe a, uh Do you think maybe a rat, or a cat, or a bat, or something maybe've gotten into your room somehow? No.
No? 'Cause there's been, ah There's been, ah, some complaints from some of the other, uh Some of the other guests Some of the guests.
What's the actual complaint? Well, sir, they've complained of an odour.
More of a stench really, sir.
More of a stench.
They've complained of the stench of death coming from your room, sir.
Yeah, so? Yeah, it's these people Well, I was just wondering if maybe If you if it was all right with you if our cleaning staff could get in there and just sort of, you know, just freshen it up a little bit, freshen the stench up a little; just get rid of a little bit of that stench.
Fine.
As long as one of them's a redhead.
I could arrange that, sir.
Certainly, certainly, certainly, certainly.
Certainly.
And I was wondering, how long do you think you'll be staying with us this time? I don't know.
I'm gonna be working for a while.
Well, that's good, sir.
It's good to keep working then.
Good to be busy, good to be busy.
Well, there's a lot going on in town this time of year.
The kiwanis people Oh, damn! I'm here! I'm here! And what a crazy coinkidink that I ran into Shaye.
And Yeah, when I was driving his van, so I picked him up.
Oh my God, look at you.
What? Your makeup needs makeup.
Well, huh, where's my mic? Oh, here.
Oh, thanks.
Oh don't worry, I broke the story.
What? It was great! Right now I'm as high as a doppler balloon.
Well, congratulations.
Thanks for filling in for me.
Well you know me! I don't mind taking over for you in a pinch, or all the time.
Well you're a true friend, Heather.
Check this for lice.
Oh.
Um, Shaye, that was a hot evening last night.
But do you mind if we just keep it cool between us? I've already forgotten the whole thing.
Let's focus! Come on, everybody, let's focus! Okay Okay, I live for this shit.
Come on, let's get this party started! Count me in, bitch! You're on.
What? I'm on? You're on.
You know, you really should count me in a little louder.
Could you do that? You can't? Oh, oh Gosh, it's just a little stain.
These these HD cameras really pick out everything, don't they? Don't worry, it's just a little hair conditioner Goat's butter.
Okay.
Nice shot, Robin hood.
Cool.
Hey, little sweetie.
You know daddy's gone, right? I mean, you You saw him there in the mailbox, right? Well, what he was doing was, he was, uh He was mailing himself to heaven.
And you'll see him again some day.
But until you do, I think it'd be best if we just pretended he never existed.
What do you say, champ? Brrr, eeee.
That's the spirit.
Morning, Mrs.
Bowman.
Sorry to interrupt your tea.
Tea oh, this isn't tea.
Oh, if you'd like a cup, I could make a pot.
Uh, we need you to identify something.
Is this your mail? Aahhh! Bills, huh? Sorry, just trying to lighten the mood.
Ma'am, do you know anyone who'd want to bludgeon and then murder your husband, then drag his body outside and stuff his carcass into your own mailbox? No? Well, what can you tell us about last night? The night of the murder? I don't know.
Was it? Uh yes.
Well, really, in most ways, it was really a night like any other.
We came home and just relaxed in the great room.
I drink because of you.
I had never even seen liquor before I met you.
Yeah? Well, how come you were drunk when I met you? So, I guess we were all a little wound up from the events of the day.
So I decided to go for a bit of a drive - just clear my head.
And then I figured, you know, what the hey? I'm passing by the grocery store, I'll go in and get a few of the essentials.
You know, stuff the family needs.
Hey, angel face, I seem to have left my house without my purse.
So I was thinking that I could just pay for this bottle of tequila by showing you these beauties.
Whaddaya say? Hmm? Hmm? Okay, okay.
The only way I will give you this bottle is if you please close your jacket.
Fine.
You should've seen 'em when I was 40, you little shit.
And after that I just drove on back home.
So, as I say, it was really just a typical boring old night at the old Bowman estate Except for the brutal murder.
Of course.
'Course.
Thank you, ma'am.
We appreciate the time.
Hey, are you thinkin' what I'm thinkin'? That her story doesn't add up, that she murdered the Mayor? No.
That she's put on a little bit of weight, but it looks kinda good on her.
Well, I'm thinkin' that now.
You know, the hard part about solving a crime is that it Literally, could've been anyone.
Yeah.
Not just some blood gargling sicko who had a bad childhood and is still holding a grudge, but anybody.
I mean, the way I see it, coulda been you.
The way I see it, coulda been you! Where were you on the night of the murder? Ahhh! Stop! Police! I twisted my ankle! Shots fired! Officer down! Coming, buddy! I didn't do it! Well, I didn't do it! We just need proof that we're innocent.
Got to be vertical.
Got to be vertical.
Here we go.
Ah, ah yeah, yeah Notice the time of the video, 9:23.
The same time as the murder.
Guess we're both in the clear.
But you know, if it's not me, and it's not you, then logically the next suspect is Everybody else.
Hey, Tom! Hey, I need to ask you some questions.
Where were you on the night of the murder? I have pizza.
What a beautiful day for eating pizzas.
Look what someone sent you.
I think you have a secret admirer.
Come on, fat boy, eat! Get that cheese in your veins! I'm not eating, Marnie.
Nooooooaaagghhh! Didn't you hear? Coach Bowman's dead.
I think I did hear that, then promptly forgot.
Sometimes I forget things.
I call it the fuzzies.
Yes, I know the fuzzies, Marnie.
But you know, this is a wonderful opportunity to get out of the house.
Maybe we can go to the funeral together.
I'd kinda like to, but I got nothin' to wear.
Look what I brought you.
Those are way too small, Marnie.
They'll never fit.
They do look a bit snug, yes.
But once you start exercising Exercise, exercise.
We'll consider them your "after" pants.
I think we both know the truth.
That coach Bowman wouldn't want me at his funeral after what I kinda, sorta did.
Well, I do remember that.
But listen, anyone could blow the big game.
Marnie! Not that I think you blew the big game.
It was more of a team loss.
Ricky, what's wrong? I'm thinking about it again! Oh, Christ.
Okay, boys, listen up.
Today is the biggest day in Shuckton hockey history.
Whoo! Yeah, now Ricky can't win this game all by himself the way he usually does, so I'm gonna need you boys to step up.
That's why I'm glad that none of you went out last night and hooked up with those French girls.
No way, coach.
Yeah, how stupid would we have been if we'd gone and wasted our legs on the wolverines' rink bunnies, huh? Yeah.
Oh, they're perfumed, they're easy, and they'll give you the greatest night of sex you ever had.
But we're not dumb enough to fall for their evil plot, are we, Ricky? No.
Huh, yeah.
I want to make love to you.
You to me.
Let's do it standing up.
Okay.
And, uh It may sound kinky, but I, I need you to hold these.
Bricks? It make more pleasure for the woman.
What are you, some stupid virgin orphan? No, I've done it plenty of times, Peg Liaro.
I do it for my team.
Okay, let's go.
Very good.
All right, guys! It's go time! Let's get out there and eat some ice! Yeah! Ricky? Get up! - Get up, Ricky.
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Get up.
Boo! Boo! Go get him, Ricky.
My shame washed out in the shower, yours never will.
Let's kill him! That seems fair.
And then and And then they followed me all the way home.
And I had to barricade myself in here with a hockey stick and I haven't been out of the house since.
And why is that again? Marnie.
Officer, tell us about the leads in this case.
What's developing? Well, we're following our leads and we're gonna find some breaks in this case.
Could you be more specific? Well, things are going forward in a forwardly direction.
You don't have anything, do you? No.
Well, there you have it.
Straight talk from a tiny cop.
I'm Corrinda Gablechuck and the news was just broken.
Hiya! Are you still on? Yeah.
Commercial in Two minutes.
Two minutes.
To think his little hands were right here.
Oh, Larry Why did I never tell you how I truly felt when I had the chance? Larry Bowman.
Mayor Bowman.
Mayor Larry Bowman.
Mary Bowman.
Hm Parker, come in.
I want you to come over.
Over.
I'm already there.
Come on, let's go.
Come on! Oh! I didn't do nothin' that I can remember.
We should call this in.
Yeah.
I got three or four ice cream down.
Uh, and tell 'em about the perp.
Oh yeah.
And we got the murderer.
Ah Ricky Rickyyy Whenever you wanna die, Ricky, I'm ready for ya.
Oh, oh, oh-ho Oh ho-ho! Oh, Ricky.
Come on, Ricky.
Eat it up.
Come on now.
Eat it up.
Mmm.
Yeah! Ooh! Aaahhhh! Aahhhh! Aaghh When are you gonna die, Ricky Jarvis? Whew Hoo Mmm.
Well, believe it or not, someone actually sent you these.
Right.
Someone sent me pizzas? Ricky.
No wonder we didn't get the games.
Look at your body! I had a baby! He was adopted! Come on.
Just do it Ah! Come on, dark times.
30 pages of obituaries Do I get a mention? Nope.
Nothing again.
And no.
And why should I? You only killed the Mayor of Shuckton.
Oh, of course in new York, if you kill a janitor, you get your picture in the paper.
This is the lamest route ever.
Oh, what a lovely Shuckton morning.
Aaaahhh! Aaahhhh! Aaahhhh! Aaahhhh! Aaahhhh! Aaahhhh! That tape's a little high, isn't it? Not for some people.
Hmm.
You guys.
Come here.
I hope you have id, kid.
You too, lady.
I may have to separate you two.
All right, where the hell is she? Oh, with all due respect, this is so mother(bleeping) unprofessional I could just shit! Hello? Corrinda, where the hell are you? I'm I'm I'm-I'm at home.
Um, I-I didn't hear the phone.
I was doing hot yoga.
Okay.
Then how come I just heard that the news van is parked in front of the "no tell motel.
" Well, uh Shaye must have it.
Why don't you call him? Hey, want an encore? I just heard Shaye.
No, that was my father! I'm at home.
I did hot yoga.
Why don't both of you get your asses down to the Mayor's house.
You're missing out on the biggest news story in the history of this town! What? Ah, duh - Levon? - Yeah, what? Darling, I know that you guys just think of me as "the weather girl" Yeah, we do.
But I know I can do this.
What? Ohhh Oh please, ooohhh Please, please, please.
Okay.
Great.
Okay, but you gotta promise you'll just take it nice and easy, all right? Make love to the camera - got it.
That's not what I said.
Eye of the tiger - great advice.
You're not listening to me.
I'll trust my instincts.
Mm mm Mm Ah mm.
This is Heather weather with "Breaking News.
" Mayor Bowman is, at this moment, dead.
Coach Bowman dead? Right now we don't know too much, other than he was discovered dead this morning with his lifeless head stuffed into his own mailbox.
But, as a trained meteorologist, i can tell you that he was discovered under partially cloudy skies.
No, no weather.
Could Larry I-I-I mean Mayor Bowman's "It looks like rain?" No.
No weather.
Maybe.
Because rain is in the forecast.
No weather.
Starting around midnight and ending about 9 a.
m.
That plus all the tears that will no doubt be shed by this grieving city should add up to quite a messy morning commute.
We're out.
Oh, I nailed it, Levon.
I nailed it! Yes! Next time, please wear rubber gloves before you hand me the rubber gloves.
Yes, sir.
Thank you.
Now bag that.
Bag it.
Bag that, bag that, and that.
Bag that.
Water it, then bag it.
Hm That painting is begging to be bagged.
Bag it! Dusty.
Marilyn.
Dear dusty Oh, you poor thing.
You've been through so much.
Yes, but it's all over now.
No, no, no, I'm referring to the murder, my dear.
Not my marriage? No.
Oh, well what about you, dusty? I mean he was he was your best friend.
Yes, it's true, but everyone loved Larry.
Did they? Mm-hm.
Aw, that's, that's nice.
Well, you just make sure you find whoever it was who did this terrible thing to Larry.
I promise, if it's the last thing I do.
Oh, that's sweet.
Well, I've gotta run.
I can hear the blender crying.
Coming, baby.
Courage Bag that.
Bag that bag.
Better bag that chair, it looks expensive.
Well What do we have here, hm? Interesting.
He was killed in this room At 9:23 P.
M.
Ah well, ah Sir, welcome back.
Welcome back.
Go away.
Fine.
It's lovely to have you with us again, sir.
Hope business is good, hope it's good.
Uh, I was just wondering if ah If it's possible that maybe a, uh Do you think maybe a rat, or a cat, or a bat, or something maybe've gotten into your room somehow? No.
No? 'Cause there's been, ah There's been, ah, some complaints from some of the other, uh Some of the other guests Some of the guests.
What's the actual complaint? Well, sir, they've complained of an odour.
More of a stench really, sir.
More of a stench.
They've complained of the stench of death coming from your room, sir.
Yeah, so? Yeah, it's these people Well, I was just wondering if maybe If you if it was all right with you if our cleaning staff could get in there and just sort of, you know, just freshen it up a little bit, freshen the stench up a little; just get rid of a little bit of that stench.
Fine.
As long as one of them's a redhead.
I could arrange that, sir.
Certainly, certainly, certainly, certainly.
Certainly.
And I was wondering, how long do you think you'll be staying with us this time? I don't know.
I'm gonna be working for a while.
Well, that's good, sir.
It's good to keep working then.
Good to be busy, good to be busy.
Well, there's a lot going on in town this time of year.
The kiwanis people Oh, damn! I'm here! I'm here! And what a crazy coinkidink that I ran into Shaye.
And Yeah, when I was driving his van, so I picked him up.
Oh my God, look at you.
What? Your makeup needs makeup.
Well, huh, where's my mic? Oh, here.
Oh, thanks.
Oh don't worry, I broke the story.
What? It was great! Right now I'm as high as a doppler balloon.
Well, congratulations.
Thanks for filling in for me.
Well you know me! I don't mind taking over for you in a pinch, or all the time.
Well you're a true friend, Heather.
Check this for lice.
Oh.
Um, Shaye, that was a hot evening last night.
But do you mind if we just keep it cool between us? I've already forgotten the whole thing.
Let's focus! Come on, everybody, let's focus! Okay Okay, I live for this shit.
Come on, let's get this party started! Count me in, bitch! You're on.
What? I'm on? You're on.
You know, you really should count me in a little louder.
Could you do that? You can't? Oh, oh Gosh, it's just a little stain.
These these HD cameras really pick out everything, don't they? Don't worry, it's just a little hair conditioner Goat's butter.
Okay.
Nice shot, Robin hood.
Cool.
Hey, little sweetie.
You know daddy's gone, right? I mean, you You saw him there in the mailbox, right? Well, what he was doing was, he was, uh He was mailing himself to heaven.
And you'll see him again some day.
But until you do, I think it'd be best if we just pretended he never existed.
What do you say, champ? Brrr, eeee.
That's the spirit.
Morning, Mrs.
Bowman.
Sorry to interrupt your tea.
Tea oh, this isn't tea.
Oh, if you'd like a cup, I could make a pot.
Uh, we need you to identify something.
Is this your mail? Aahhh! Bills, huh? Sorry, just trying to lighten the mood.
Ma'am, do you know anyone who'd want to bludgeon and then murder your husband, then drag his body outside and stuff his carcass into your own mailbox? No? Well, what can you tell us about last night? The night of the murder? I don't know.
Was it? Uh yes.
Well, really, in most ways, it was really a night like any other.
We came home and just relaxed in the great room.
I drink because of you.
I had never even seen liquor before I met you.
Yeah? Well, how come you were drunk when I met you? So, I guess we were all a little wound up from the events of the day.
So I decided to go for a bit of a drive - just clear my head.
And then I figured, you know, what the hey? I'm passing by the grocery store, I'll go in and get a few of the essentials.
You know, stuff the family needs.
Hey, angel face, I seem to have left my house without my purse.
So I was thinking that I could just pay for this bottle of tequila by showing you these beauties.
Whaddaya say? Hmm? Hmm? Okay, okay.
The only way I will give you this bottle is if you please close your jacket.
Fine.
You should've seen 'em when I was 40, you little shit.
And after that I just drove on back home.
So, as I say, it was really just a typical boring old night at the old Bowman estate Except for the brutal murder.
Of course.
'Course.
Thank you, ma'am.
We appreciate the time.
Hey, are you thinkin' what I'm thinkin'? That her story doesn't add up, that she murdered the Mayor? No.
That she's put on a little bit of weight, but it looks kinda good on her.
Well, I'm thinkin' that now.
You know, the hard part about solving a crime is that it Literally, could've been anyone.
Yeah.
Not just some blood gargling sicko who had a bad childhood and is still holding a grudge, but anybody.
I mean, the way I see it, coulda been you.
The way I see it, coulda been you! Where were you on the night of the murder? Ahhh! Stop! Police! I twisted my ankle! Shots fired! Officer down! Coming, buddy! I didn't do it! Well, I didn't do it! We just need proof that we're innocent.
Got to be vertical.
Got to be vertical.
Here we go.
Ah, ah yeah, yeah Notice the time of the video, 9:23.
The same time as the murder.
Guess we're both in the clear.
But you know, if it's not me, and it's not you, then logically the next suspect is Everybody else.
Hey, Tom! Hey, I need to ask you some questions.
Where were you on the night of the murder? I have pizza.
What a beautiful day for eating pizzas.
Look what someone sent you.
I think you have a secret admirer.
Come on, fat boy, eat! Get that cheese in your veins! I'm not eating, Marnie.
Nooooooaaagghhh! Didn't you hear? Coach Bowman's dead.
I think I did hear that, then promptly forgot.
Sometimes I forget things.
I call it the fuzzies.
Yes, I know the fuzzies, Marnie.
But you know, this is a wonderful opportunity to get out of the house.
Maybe we can go to the funeral together.
I'd kinda like to, but I got nothin' to wear.
Look what I brought you.
Those are way too small, Marnie.
They'll never fit.
They do look a bit snug, yes.
But once you start exercising Exercise, exercise.
We'll consider them your "after" pants.
I think we both know the truth.
That coach Bowman wouldn't want me at his funeral after what I kinda, sorta did.
Well, I do remember that.
But listen, anyone could blow the big game.
Marnie! Not that I think you blew the big game.
It was more of a team loss.
Ricky, what's wrong? I'm thinking about it again! Oh, Christ.
Okay, boys, listen up.
Today is the biggest day in Shuckton hockey history.
Whoo! Yeah, now Ricky can't win this game all by himself the way he usually does, so I'm gonna need you boys to step up.
That's why I'm glad that none of you went out last night and hooked up with those French girls.
No way, coach.
Yeah, how stupid would we have been if we'd gone and wasted our legs on the wolverines' rink bunnies, huh? Yeah.
Oh, they're perfumed, they're easy, and they'll give you the greatest night of sex you ever had.
But we're not dumb enough to fall for their evil plot, are we, Ricky? No.
Huh, yeah.
I want to make love to you.
You to me.
Let's do it standing up.
Okay.
And, uh It may sound kinky, but I, I need you to hold these.
Bricks? It make more pleasure for the woman.
What are you, some stupid virgin orphan? No, I've done it plenty of times, Peg Liaro.
I do it for my team.
Okay, let's go.
Very good.
All right, guys! It's go time! Let's get out there and eat some ice! Yeah! Ricky? Get up! - Get up, Ricky.
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Get up.
Boo! Boo! Go get him, Ricky.
My shame washed out in the shower, yours never will.
Let's kill him! That seems fair.
And then and And then they followed me all the way home.
And I had to barricade myself in here with a hockey stick and I haven't been out of the house since.
And why is that again? Marnie.
Officer, tell us about the leads in this case.
What's developing? Well, we're following our leads and we're gonna find some breaks in this case.
Could you be more specific? Well, things are going forward in a forwardly direction.
You don't have anything, do you? No.
Well, there you have it.
Straight talk from a tiny cop.
I'm Corrinda Gablechuck and the news was just broken.
Hiya! Are you still on? Yeah.
Commercial in Two minutes.
Two minutes.
To think his little hands were right here.
Oh, Larry Why did I never tell you how I truly felt when I had the chance? Larry Bowman.
Mayor Bowman.
Mayor Larry Bowman.
Mary Bowman.
Hm Parker, come in.
I want you to come over.
Over.
I'm already there.
Come on, let's go.
Come on! Oh! I didn't do nothin' that I can remember.
We should call this in.
Yeah.
I got three or four ice cream down.
Uh, and tell 'em about the perp.
Oh yeah.
And we got the murderer.
Ah Ricky Rickyyy Whenever you wanna die, Ricky, I'm ready for ya.
Oh, oh, oh-ho Oh ho-ho! Oh, Ricky.
Come on, Ricky.
Eat it up.
Come on now.
Eat it up.
Mmm.
Yeah! Ooh! Aaahhhh! Aahhhh! Aaghh When are you gonna die, Ricky Jarvis? Whew Hoo Mmm.