Desmonds (1989) s01e02 Episode Script

1 Fried Chicken out in front, closely followed by Demon Run, Mellow Fellow and Bombay Duck.
- I'll have two chapattis, no chutney.
- Come on, Taj.
- Go on! - This tip of yours better come off.
- I didn't say bet on it.
I said - "It's a dead cert.
" It hasn't let you down yet.
It's out in front.
come up to the last bend and Taj has fallen.
Go, Bombay Duck! Go on! Come, Bombay! And as they come up to the line, it's Bombay Duck from Mellow Fellow.
Bombay Duck! Blasted Taj.
How much did you win, darling, sweetheart, light of my life? Nothing, dearest, sweetheart, fruit of my dreams.
- What you mean, nothing? - That's what you gonna get, nothin'.
Next.
Yes, you Vincent.
This is a barber shop, not a public library.
- You cut people's hair? - Yes.
I in the wrong place.
It's a betting shop I want.
Look, just put your backside on that seat.
Honestly, Porkpie, Sandeep gave me the tip.
His old man owns the horse.
- I thought they owned Mellow Fellow.
- No, his cousin owns him.
Them have their finger in everything.
- What do we have? - What you talking about? When it comes to business in England, black people don't have any.
- West Indians don't have any? - Sorry, Mr Wise Guy.
What's so special about you then? Some Africans are extremely good businessmen.
Some Africans asking for a punch on the nose.
Look, I'm a West Indian businessman, and so is Desmond.
That's what I mean.
You don't have anything.
Asians own corner shops, takeaways, restaurants.
- Race horses.
- Turks and Greeks own fish-and-chips.
- And doner kebabs.
- Doner kebabs? You doner what's in them, do you? Apart from a barber shop in Peckham, and a few dodgy goods off the back of a lorry, what business do we own? Judging from the papers, we have a monopoly on muggings and street crime.
What a negative conversation.
We are excelling in all sorts of areas, and I don't mean just athletics and pop music, and boxing.
We now have Members of Parliament, hmm? We're in education, hmm? Local government, on the telly.
Take our eldest son, Michael.
I'd take him as far away as possible and leave him there.
I wouldn't have a bad word said against him.
He works very hard in that bank, hmm.
Now, if you want to achieve, you just have to go for it.
He gone so far we never even see him.
Well, I better go for it.
- What do you think you're going for? - Sandeep's throat.
Find out what happened to that horse of his.
You still want a lift, Shirl? - Yes, thanks.
- I suppose I better go for it too.
- Thanks for the coffee, Shirl.
- Any time, Matthew.
Oh, what's your lecture today? The Propensity To Consume Due To The Changing Economic Infrastructure.
Lee, can you drop me in the High Road? You name it, Matt, and I'll drop you in it.
- Hi.
- Take a seat.
Boxing's not the same since Cassius Clay changed his name to Muhammad Ali.
What kind of a name is that? That's not a boxing name.
You're right, man.
Him should have a name like Sugar, Bummer, Rocky, Dark Destroyer, Ragamuffin.
You see, that's why the Americans don't take Frank Bruno as a serious contender.
I mean, he should have a name like Brutal Bruno.
Crucial Bruno.
You-know-what-l-mean-Harry, Bruno.
Why, that is a good point.
Hi.
Why, I hear about your wet look.
- But that is wet.
- So wet you can bathe in it.
Yes, it's my own product.
I'm here to see the proprietor.
Nobody here by that name.
That's me.
What can I do you for? Darryl.
Darryl Montefiore.
Short and Curlies.
You must have heard of us.
No.
You ever hear about Short and Curlies, Porkpie? - Yeah, Short and Curlies - Fastest-growing new chain in London.
We have salons in the West End, Victoria, North Kensington.
- North Kensington? Where is that? - Paddington.
That's nice.
You see, Porkpie, a black businessman.
My name is Desmond.
Pleased to meet you.
This man's only young and he's achieved all this.
In the next ten years, he'll be an international businessman.
That's very nice of you, Des.
It's not been an easy road.
But you have to make the most of your opportunities and go for it.
- Spoken like a true businessman.
- It takes one to know one, Des.
Actually, the why reason I'm here, Des, - is that I want to buy you out.
- What? We've done market research and we think Peckham could be a profitable area.
It has a large black community, who will appreciate our creative styles.
You've been a barber here for more than 20 years.
So rather than waste time and money setting up a rival salon, we'd like to buy you out.
There's a great potential here for an entrepreneur.
So rather than hammer you with competition, we're going to give you a way out.
So what do you think, Des? - You know what I think, Darryl? - Tell me, Des.
I think you ought to get out of my shop now.
We can offer you a good price.
Think about it and give me a ring.
- Or I'll come back next Friday.
- Out! - So Friday, about 3:00? - Out! Have a nice day.
Damn cheek.
- You know what I think? - What? You should ask how much he was offering.
- Who was that? - He calls himself Darryl Montefiore.
- Short and Curlies.
I know them.
- What's wrong with that? What's wrong is that slippery wet-look man want to buy our shop.
- Filofax man.
- What's a Filofax man? A wally who walks around with Filofaxes to show how important they are.
I better tell Matthew about the Filofaxes.
He can't buy our shop.
You didn't say yes, did you? He didn't even let him make an offer.
Good for you.
No one will take this off us.
We don't want a wet-look blow-dry clip joint.
- This is more than a barber shop.
- It is? - This is a community centre.
- Is it? A confessional, a drop-in.
Yeah, this is where people serve tea and toast, watch TV - and engage in social intercourse.
- Not in my shop.
Hardly anybody come here to cut their hair.
- I would take the money.
- Don't give in to ruthless capitalists.
It's a hairdressing chain, out to scalp you.
Time to mobilise.
We'll start a campaign.
- We'll show Desmond's is needed.
- Support the little man.
- Oh, sorry, Mr Ambrose.
- Leave it to us, Dad.
You see, Porkpie? Who said black people aren't enterprising? I better go to Short and Curlies to get a haircut.
I'm not getting it here.
Sit down your ass.
What are you looking at? You just gonna stand there? Twenty-six years running your own shop is not a bad innings.
With the money you'd get, you could build your own house back home.
What are you gonna do - stand and fight or take the money and run? Take the money and run.
And I go run with you.
Oh, shut up, Porkpie.
Look at you sweeping the floor.
You gonna do this all your life? Remember when we used to sit on the sea wall, dreaming of England? We thought we'd be the kings of Jazz.
We were just Georgetown Dreamers.
Sweetsticks, Jazzy Beat, Porkpie.
Shirley's father said she was mad to come up here with you.
But you always said you will make your fortune and prove him wrong.
Remember? Right.
There's no harm in finding out what he's offering.
Porkpie, you haven't got a home to go to? Nope.
All right.
I going.
- Who was that you're calling? - Nobody.
- The Short and Curlies man, wasn't it? - I just How many times I have to tell you? No! It might be a good offer.
We may not get another.
Wait a minute.
Wait a minute.
This is our shop, Desmond, hmm? It was a long, hard fight for us to buy this shop, remember? We scrimp and save.
If you think some little upstart can waltz in here, wave a chequebook around and take away our shop without us even batting an eye, then you got another think coming.
I married a fighter, not a coward.
- Who you calling a coward? - You.
Right.
I gonna fight them.
Nobody will come here and take away my shop.
This is my shop.
- Our shop.
- These are my chairs.
- Our chairs.
- Those are my plastic flowers.
Yes.
Oh, I don't know.
How we gonna fight them? Listen.
Tomorrow morning, I'll make you an appointment with the bank manager.
Talk about getting a loan, hmm? - We'll do the place up a bit.
- Which bit? Well, we'll give it a new coat of paint, get some new chairs, get rid of the plastic flowers.
And it would be like a new shop, a new beginning for us.
Hmm? Hmm.
And to start the ball rolling, I bought us a little something.
Courtesy of Bombay Duck.
- You're wicked, Dad.
- Me know.
I'll get some glasses ready.
- Desmond! - All right, I coming.
Yes, can I help you? I hope so.
My name is Mr Ambrose.
I have an appointment to see the manager.
What is it concerning? - A loan.
- Right, sir.
A loan.
Er yes.
I'm afraid he's busy.
Your appointment is with his assistant.
I'll talk to anybody as long as they'll give me a loan.
- Right this way, sir.
- Excuse me, please.
- He'll be with you in a minute.
- Thank you very much.
Good morning, Mr Ambrose.
- You? - Take a seat, Father.
Well, after Finchley Road, they moved me here.
Next stop, deputy manager, then who knows? One day, manager.
- So how long have you been here? - Three weeks and two days.
- You've never even been to see us.
- I've been busy.
I left messages on your stupid machine.
You never call me back.
- You've never left a message.
- Well, your mother has.
What is this world coming to when you got to talk to a machine before your son talks to you? Whenever I talk to you, we end up arguing.
You know why! You always get on your high horse with your airs and graces.
Like you was born with a silver spoon in your mouth! - But, Father - What is all this la-di-da Father.
Why you got scared of calling me Dad or Pops or what? - What's wrong with "Father"? - Well, it-it don't sound right.
You ask why I haven't been round.
Because of you.
What about me? You ashamed of me? You been ashamed of me.
- I'm not.
- That's why you don't come round.
I'm 28, I've got my own life to lead.
It could lead to our door to see your mother.
Look, Father Come in! - Everything all right? - Yes! Yes, thank you, Mandy.
Erm Interest rates, he thinks they are a bit steep.
- Would you like me to get the manager? - No, he's doing a good job.
Yes, we seem to be reaching an agreement.
Right.
Let's just get this straight.
Just because I'm black, it doesn't mean I can't appreciate the finer things in life.
Just because I'm black, it doesn't mean I can't speak the Queen's English.
It wouldn't go down well if someone came to ask for a loan and I said, "Mya can't give ya a loan because I man feel he's an idiot.
" You don't realise times are changing and you're not changing with them.
A war.
Now You want a loan.
- I didn't come here for a checkup.
- Don't start.
And what do you require the loan for, Mr Ambrose? I require the loan Look, this is stupid, man.
Just give me the money.
Look, I'm sorry.
- But there are formalities.
- Formalities? Why you can't treat me like your father, not somebody you don't know from Adam? OK.
We'll go again.
Father, why do you require a loan? Son, I require a loan to do up the shop.
Ah.
What brought this on? Well, we've been forced in it by the Short and Curlies.
- The wet-look people.
- Yes, I know, I get my hair cut there.
Not very well.
They wanna buy us out.
Or I'll be forced into competition.
So your mother thinks we should get a loan.
What exactly are you going to do with the loan? We're gonna do up the place a bit, get a few new customers.
She want me to get some new plastic flowers.
Dad I think you and I need to have a talk.
- What are we doing now? - No, a proper talk.
I better come round to the shop sometime.
Let me see.
Er No, I can't make tonight.
Squash night.
- How about tomorrow? - In the gym tomorrow.
And then I'm having dinner with the manager.
Hmm.
It's very difficult.
I'll tell you what.
I'll come round tonight after my game.
Let's see now.
Yeah.
Let's say 7:30.
- If you say so.
- OK then.
7:30 it is then, Mr Ambrose.
Ah, Mr Patel.
If you come in later, would you like to stay for supper? I know you miss your mother fish soup and bakes.
Not now, please.
Shall we talk about it later, Mr Ambrose? Ravi, nice to see you.
You come for a loan? Don't worry.
Me son will fix it up.
He is the assistant to the assistant to the assistant manager.
What you think? I look all right? You look good.
What's all the fuss? It's only Michael.
- It's not every day he comes to visit.
- Thank God for that.
Desmond.
I mean, it come to a pretty pass when you got to ask your own son for a loan.
- That's what banks are for.
- I gave him pocket money.
Now it feels as if I asking him for pocket money.
Yeah, but the bank's got bigger pockets than you.
- They're vaults.
- I know that.
Come on.
We need your slogan for our campaign.
All right.
How about "If you want to look like a girlie, go to Short and Curly"? - Nah.
- Nah.
- On a badge? - That's wicked, Mum.
Wicked? Your mum isn't wicked.
Why you can't talk proper instead of all this hard, murder crispy fresh nonsense? - Because that's soft, that's why.
- Hard isn't soft.
And where does murder come into it? Your father right.
You really ought to talk properly.
- Like Michael, you mean? - I wouldn't go as far as that.
I put two beers in the fridge for Michael and now is only one.
Michael only got one mouth.
Hello.
Michael! Look, everybody.
Michael come to visit.
Well, as I invited him, Shirley Oh! So, Michael, let me look at you good.
Wait.
You can't remember what your own son look like? If he came round more often to visit, his mother wouldn't forget.
- I've been busy.
- Busy? Busy? I always found the time to look after you when you were young.
Looking after three four children.
I always found time.
So don't you talk to me about busy.
Shame, boy.
You look like you lose weight.
- You sure you've been eating properly? - Of course I am.
Now that you're near, why don't you come round after work, get some proper food? - I'm OK, Mother.
- "I'm OK, Mother!" - Same old childish Gloria.
- Same plummy Michael.
How's Thatcher? One big happy family.
- OK, shall we have our discussion? - Why not? Michael, just a little something to keep you going.
Dinner's a bit late.
It will be five minutes.
Well, look, Dad, we've got to talk seriously.
If you're thinking about taking out a loan, you got to think about how you'll pay back the interest.
- And the money you've borrowed.
- What is this? You gonna be a teacher when you grow up? You don't do enough business.
How will you make repayments? Hear that, Shirley? Your son say we don't do any business here.
That's what the campaign's for, Mr Buppie.
To drum up trade.
How about this one "I've had it off at Desmond's"? - Sean! - I thought it was a good idea.
So, Michael, we can't get this loan? It's not in my power.
My boss won't consider this shop a good prospect.
- That's it then.
The end of the line.
- What? - We must find out what's on offer.
- No.
- I'm sorry, Mother.
- When's this Montefiore geezer coming? - Next Friday.
- Right.
They're not free.
I'm talking about three badges for a pound, come on.
- Dad told me to rustle up customers.
- I think it's still too late.
Rubbish.
It's my seat, you know, Vincent.
Nobody sit on my seat.
- Hello, Mum.
Hello, Dad.
- What you doing out of school? Indeed.
The headmaster picked out the boys with the longest hair to get it cut.
Oh, great.
Why you selling our badges? They're free.
Nothing's free in England, Seanie boy.
I'll cut you in for 30%, all right? - We made them at school, though.
- 50%, yeah? Good, lovely.
We've given up an important lecture to come here for a haircut.
Aw, thank you, Matthew.
And what was the lecture today? Is Dialectic Materialism A Strategy Of Social Revolution? No wonder they'd rather get their hair cut, Matthew.
Doesn't our business look worth supporting? Yes, I'm impressed.
I had no idea.
- Dad? - What? What would you say if I said I could get my hands on £3,000? You haven't been thieving money from the bank, have you? No.
But I've been thinking.
And Well, I've got a bit of capital.
I think perhaps I was wr Perhaps we can make something out of the shop.
"We"? Who is "we"? You, me and Mother.
I'll be one of the partners in exchange for my capital investment.
Did you hear that, Shirley? I asked him for a loan.
Now he planning to take over my shop.
I'm not trying to take over anything.
But with my money, you'll get the loan without the interest.
We keep the business in the family.
- Like a sleeping partner? - Uh-uh, uh-uh.
A very wide-awake one.
Are you trying to tell me I need you to run my shop for me? - With you, not for you.
- Well, I think it's a good idea.
It's another game Michael wants to win.
It's a good idea if the shop gets done up.
This decor's getting embarrassing.
Hi.
All right, babes? Hello, Des.
You ready to talk business? Yeah.
And? Let's talk business.
Look around you.
This is the Peckham community.
I've been running this shop for 20 years and with my son, it'll be another 20.
So if it's competition you want, it's competition you're going to get.
And I'll tell you something, Mr Short and Curlies, you ain't going to win.
Well, I think that's it.
Don't you, Darryl? OK.
I'll see you for your next haircut then.
- Uh-uh.
- I don't think so.
OK.
- Oh, erm Darryl.
- Yeah? - One more thing.
- What? Erm how much were you going to offer?