Doctor Odyssey (2024) s01e02 Episode Script
Singles Week
1
Doctor, welcome aboard The Odyssey.
You must be my nurses.
We are the ship's nurses.
This ship is a dream.
So it'll be your job
to keep everyone alive.
- I'm king of the world!
- [SCREAMS]
Man overboard.
Come on!
- We got him.
- Thank God.
I have a secret.
Is it that you're in love with Avery?
♪♪
Please don't tell the captain.
Yeah, I was just about to text him.
Nine
Come on, come on, come on,
come on, come on.
Ten!
205, bro.
- That's insane.
- Yeah. You want the same?
Give me 40 more.
You know,
I still haven't decided
what I'm going to do
about what you did with Avery.
You broke the code.
Bro code? Seriously?
The code of conduct, Maxwell Bankman,
page 83, section A,
prohibiting intimate relationships
between supervisors and subordinates.
You know, it's grounds for termination.
You've been a very bad boy.
- Ooh!
- I got it, I got it.
- I heard a hemorrhoid pop.
- You okay?
It won't happen again.
Scout's honor.
So don't turn me in. [GRUNTS]
However, what we really
need to talk about
is this an obsession
that you have with Avery.
That's what I plan on
dealing with this week.
You know what they say
The best way to get over
one person is
- Therapy.
- to get underneath someone else.
Singles week, Max. Strap in.
♪♪
No, no, no.
Damn it!
I'm so sorry. I can't find my phone.
Could I, uh, use yours to call it?
Oh, yeah. Of course. Here.
- Thank you.
- Yeah.
[CELLPHONE VIBRATES]
- I swear I am not high.
- [CHUCKLES]
Would you look at that? Look at that.
Thank Thank Thank you so much.
Okay.
♪♪
[HUMMING]
♪♪
Oh, God.
It's like a pilgrimage to a mecca
for the chronically insecure.
I don't know, going on a
week-long cruise all by yourself,
I think that takes brass balls.
They're not all so bad.
Oh. Absolutely not.
You are both cardboard
cutouts with erections.
I can live with that.
Ooh, la, la, la, la, la ♪
- [ELEVATOR DINGS]
- Ooh, la, la, la ♪
♪♪
You made it.
I don't know how I let you
talk me into this.
A singles cruise?
I'm having heart palpitations!
It's called being excited.
Don't worry, I will be right
here the whole time, Glamma.
I will be your beach bitch.
Language.
I don't want to hear
that word this week.
"Glamma"? Luggage.
Yes, ma'am.
Basal insulin, bolus insulin,
and hydrocortisone cream.
Check, check, and check.
Hey, I need you to do me a favor.
The singles week eventually warms up,
but the first night is awkward.
The captain's dinner,
everyone just stands around
and hugs the wall like a bunch
of 7th graders at a sock hop,
so he makes us take the lead.
What, like dance with the guests?
Not me, right? I'm a doctor.
Exactly. You're a hot,
young, single doctor.
So especially you. But I have a plan.
We'll pair up,
do our little shimmy shake.
We'll set the mood,
we won't have to engage.
I can't.
- [CLICKS TONGUE]
- Tristan?
Oh, what? It is so obvious.
He would never forgive me.
- This crush isn't real.
- It's puppy love.
Some unresolved mommy issues.
He needs to get over it.
[SIGHS] Fine.
I'll just dance
with some human petri dish,
and get scabies and die.
Speaking of which,
we need more pubic lice shampoo.
You really don't like
singles week, do you?
- Bad experience?
- No.
It's just relationships
are not my thing.
I spent eight years in school
with no financial help,
It took two jobs to get through,
all so I could pursue this career
where I dedicate myself to people.
You know, humanity at large.
Eight years,
you could have been a doctor.
Yes, I could have been,
if I had done that schooling
in the right order, which I did not.
- [CLEARS THROAT]
- Situation.
Top deck. Hot tubs.
"Situation"? What does that mean?
It means bring ice packs.
[WOMEN GRUNTING]
You bitch!
Break it up! Break it up!
[INDISTINCT SHOUTING]
♪♪
Back it up, please.
[SHOUTING CONTINUES]
- CROWD: Oh!
- I felt that!
I tasted that.
Nasty, dirty, little triflin' girls.
You want a rematch?
Whistle through that gap tooth,
jack-o'-lantern-face ass.
You pirate-looking bitch!
[INDISTINCT SHOUTING]
Stop it! Stop it! Stop!
- [GROWLS]
- Hold still.
Geez. What?
Are you all fighting over some man?
Not some man, my man.
He wanted to bring his girlfriend
and his little side piece, too.
I'm cool.
Bring 'em on the cruise, I say.
And then I catch this bitch trying to
take off the damn condom,
like I wouldn't see it.
It's not like
you were gonna give him a baby.
Womb like a haunted house, just dusty.
Okay, okay, okay.
When we fight over men,
we instantly give them complete
and total power over us.
Look at yourselves.
No man is worth this.
- Jeffery is.
- Mm-hmm.
Mmm.
Mm-hmm.
Jeffery is that"D."
You know what I'm saying?
And when that "D" calls,
you drop everything and run.
- Amen.
- Okay, well, I've never had any
"D" like that.
And if you keep up this stupid fight,
I'm having all three of you
dropped off in Puerto Del Sol.
- Oh, girl.
- You need to get you some.
You know, for your health.
Don't you know? You're a doctor.
I'm a nurse, not a doctor.
Ah. Okay.
[JAZZ MUSIC PLAYING]
♪♪
He's a tramp ♪
But they love him ♪
Breaks a new heart every day ♪
Okay, kids, you know the drill.
Dance.
And don't make me ask you twice.
So what's the deal here?
We're just supposed to pick somebody
and make them dance with us?
If you're you, yes.
If you're me, you just walk right up.
Oh, Tristan, don't do this
to yourself again.
Remember what happened last time?
We could end up in a dance-off.
Maybe she's coming to ask me to dance.
- Hi. Sorry.
- I'm so nervous.
Everything inside me is
telling me I should just go back
to my cabin
and scroll my phone all night,
so I'm going to not do that.
Do you want to dance?
- Uh, yes.
- Cool.
After you.
He's a rover, and there's nothing ♪
And away we go.
He's a tramp ♪
And a good one ♪
And I wish
that I could travel his way ♪
♪♪
[SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY]
- Excuse me, miss.
- Would you care to dance?
I'm legally obligated
to ask someone to dance.
Why don't you go?
I'd love to.
Fantastic.
But I wish that he were double ♪
He's a tramp, he's a rover ♪
So, your friend
Who is definitely 100% not my grandma.
[BOTH CHUCKLE]
I begged her to come on this trip.
I just I don't want her to regret it.
I have an idea.
Do you see that handsome
gentleman in the white jacket
over my shoulder?
What do you think?
[APPLAUSE]
What do you say, Captain?
Shall we show these kids a thing or two?
I would be honored.
♪♪
♪♪
[CHUCKLES]
[SIGHS] Can I tell you a secret?
Sure.
This being single thing
is very new to me.
Well, you're faking it beautifully.
I'm definitely
the oldest single person here.
And probably also the only widow.
- I'm sorry.
- Oh, he was an A-hole.
Lucky for me.
Makes grieving a lot easier.
Well, you're in good company.
You may be the only widow here,
but your dance partner
is the only widower.
- As far as I know.
- Hmm.
- How long?
- A year ago.
But, unlucky for me,
she was my everything.
And now, I'm just kind of
out here adrift.
["READY FOR YOUR LOVE"
BY FELIX JAEHN PLAYING]
Oh.
That's our cue.
You make the moon and stars come out ♪
You make the world spin
round and round and round ♪
- Whoa, whoa, whoa.
- Kelly?
Kelly?
♪♪
Let's start with what we can rule out.
- It's not cardiac arrhythmia.
- Her heart rate is normal.
She says she's
not taking any medication.
So it's not an adverse reaction.
It's definitely not dehydration.
She doesn't go anywhere without
that dumb, trendy water bottle.
Sudden onset is concerning.
What can come on suddenly
with only one symptom?
Syncope.
Vasovagal syncope?
Fainting as a response
to an emotional trigger?
You think she swooned over you?
It's not unheard of.
In fact, I really hope you're right.
- Why?
- Because if not,
she may only have a 30% chance
of surviving the next 48 hours.
Aortic dissection.
- What's going on?
- What are you doing?
We're giving you a
transesophageal echocardiogram
to get a clearer picture of your
heart and see what's going on.
- I need to turn you, okay?
- What?
- Wh-What do you think it is?
- Possibly aortic dissection,
a small tear in the aorta.
It would come on quickly, and syncope
would be one of the first symptoms.
- This is a light sedative.
- Kelly.
Hey. You're gonna be okay.
Open your mouth. This spray is
a local anesthetic.
It's going to numb your throat
and your esophagus.
- Wait, wait, wait.
- I have to be awake for this?
No, no, no, no, no.
Can't you just, like,
put me completely under?
Unfortunately, we cannot.
- Oh, can I
- I need to call my parents.
It's imperative that we do
this procedure immediately.
- No. I'm okay, I'm okay.
- I know, I know,
but I'm right here,
and I'm not going anywhere.
Yeah, I won't lie This is gonna suck,
but for a really short amount of time,
and then it's gonna be over, and
we're gonna figure it all out.
- Okay?
- Okay.
- You can do this.
- You're amazing.
Let's go.
[COUGHS]
It's okay, you can do this.
You're gonna do this, it's okay.
- You can do this, Kelly.
- Oh, my What?
- You can do this.
- Hey, it's okay.
[GAGGING]
- [MONITOR BEEPING]
- We're so close.
- Come on.
- [MACHINE BEEPING RAPIDLY]
She's hypotensive.
Heart rate dropping. 46.
- She's in V-fib.
- Get the probe out now.
- Kelly, come on.
- Stay with me now.
Come on, Kelly.
Stay with me, Kelly.
Come on, Kelly.
[PADDLES WHINE]
- Charging.
- Charging.
Charge! Clear.
♪♪
So you still don't know
what's wrong with me, then?
No, but we do know that you
don't have a hole in your heart.
We got one picture, and it was enough.
Structurally, your heart
and your aorta are healthy.
So we're back to square one.
No. Not square one.
We just eliminated
the worst case scenario.
We will figure this out.
I promise.
♪♪
Ooh, ah, ooh ♪
Ooh, ah, ooh ♪
[MOANING]
[FUNKY MUSIC PLAYS]
What's up?
[GROANS]
♪♪
♪♪
Hey, ladies!
[WHISTLES] Hello?
♪♪
- Hey.
- What's up?
You are aware that this is not
a swingers cruise, right?
- Or, like, a bathhouse?
- It's singles week, homie.
Anything goes.
Hey, you're the new doc, right?
- Yep.
- While I got you here,
I, uh I got this thing
on my, uh, stomach.
- Hard to say.
- It could be eczema.
- Oh, sweet.
- It's harmless, right?
- Eczema?
- Yeah.
Why don't you come downstairs,
I'll take a look at it.
No can do. I got prior obligations.
[CHUCKLES] Okay.
Uh, well, at least let me
get you some condoms.
Oh, no. Never use them.
Like, that's horrible
for the environment.
You'd be shocked how many
turtles choke on those things.
[ROMANTIC MUSIC PLAYS]
♪♪
[KNOCK ON DOOR]
♪♪
♪♪
- Am I late?
- No, you're right on time.
♪♪
Well, what do you think? Overkill?
Too much for a sunset dinner?
It's wonderful.
[CHUCKLES]
Yeah. Champagne?
[LAUGHS]
I'm not kidding.
I think for a long time,
I felt it was just too late
for me to do anything exciting
or different.
Then my husband passed away,
and it was a wake-up call.
It's only too late when you're dead.
Until then, carpe diem.
- Seize the day.
- Right?
Well, the adventure life
seems to suit you.
Mm, I agree.
What is it they say about oysters?
[BOTH LAUGH]
Hold on. You're dribbling.
-Mm
-Mm.
Mm. [CHUCKLES]
♪♪
You're flushed.
I think the oysters
are doing their job, Captain.
[CLEARS THROAT]
[BREATHING SHAKILY]
- Are you okay?
- What's happening?
- Robert.
- [DISHES CLATTER]
Robert!
Everything points to a heart attack.
We'll know soon enough.
Sheath.
Catheter has reached the heart.
Contrast going in.
♪♪
So weird. He has all the
symptoms of a heart attack,
but the EKG was normal and the
angiogram showed no blockage.
Heart attack, but without
the heart attack part.
Maybe the angiography missed something.
When we get his blood tests
back, note his troponin levels.
If they're elevated, it's
almost certainly a heart attack.
- But if not
- [KNOCK ON DOOR]
Sorry.
Hey, Avery.
I'm Spencer Munroe,
First Officer,
Captain's second in command.
- How's he doing?
- Stable. Resting.
Now we're running some more tests.
How long is he going to be out for?
A bit. What is it, Spencer?
♪♪
- [RADAR PINGS]
- It just showed up on our screen.
150 nautical miles,
maybe 7 or 8 hours away.
Whatever it is, it's equipped
with a radar reflector.
That's how we were able
to pick it up at a distance.
Might just be debris, a rogue buoy,
but it could be a life raft.
If we're going to divert,
we have to do it now.
But I need the captain to make the call.
Who makes the call when
the captain's out of commission?
Me. Just never had to do
anything like this before.
In my job, if you have
the ability to help,
you have the responsibility to help.
Even if it's a Hail Mary.
♪♪
Let's get that raft.
[MONITOR BEEPING]
♪♪
♪♪
You want to tell me
why the hell I'm not seeing
Huatulco, Mexico, out the port side?
Well, I'll tell you how I know.
It's 'cause I'm looking out
the port side
and all I see is ocean.
I want a full briefing,
an engine report,
and a double espresso waiting.
♪♪
♪♪
Report.
Captain, we picked up a distress beacon
and a ping on sonar, and altered course.
They're now 10 nautical miles ahead.
We're doing 18 knots.
Increase the speed to 25 knots.
I want to cut the intercept time
by seven minutes.
Yes, sir. Rescue boats
are ready to launch.
We radioed any other vessels
in the vicinity and shore.
Launch them at five miles out.
They can get there quicker,
and then we slow.
- Yes, sir.
- Doctor.
I want you out there with me
on the first rescue boat.
Captain.
I can't have you out there with us.
I need you to stay with the ship.
Doctor's orders.
Understood.
Tristan and I will go
with the rescue team.
Avery, prep for dialysis
in case there's kidney damage.
- Also ready a hypotonic drip.
- On it.
♪♪
[SEAGULLS SQUAWKING]
[WIND BLOWING, SQUAWKING ECHOES]
[GASPS]
[RETCHES]
[GASPING]
♪♪
♪♪
♪♪
♪♪
[BREATHING RASPILY]
♪♪
♪♪
There. Right there.
♪♪
- Let's go.
- [GRUNTS]
Okay. Hi.
My name is Tristan. You're safe.
You're going to be okay. All right?
I just need to check your pulse.
Hang on.
Okay.
[RETCHES]
We have to get her back to the ship now.
Diagnosis?
Patient is suffering gastroenteritis,
probably from saltwater exposure,
severe heatstroke, and dehydration.
- Get an I.V. in her now.
- On it.
- Avery, get her hooked up.
- D5W.
Slow infusion.
We need to crack this carefully.
Okay.
[SHAKILY] Thank you.
You're welcome.
I.V. is ready for administration
with slow drip rate,
as instructed.
[MONITOR BEEPING STEADILY]
Okay.
I think we're good.
[MONITOR BEEPING RAPIDLY]
She's crashing.
V-fib. Now.
- Come on.
- 200 joules.
I'm not sure if that's enough, but
[PADDLES WHINE]
Clear.
[THUMP]
- No pulse.
- Going to 300.
[PADDLES WHINE]
Clear.
[THUMP]
[MONITOR BEEPING STEADILY]
♪♪
I have a pulse.
I'll adjust the drip rate and
keep an eye on her electrolytes.
Why did she crash like that?
- The hypernatremia?
- It's a combination of factors.
The hypernatremia is
a risk given her condition.
It can strain the heart.
But she's also severely dehydrated,
which means that her
blood volume is critically low.
It's a balancing act
Trying to hydrate her
while not overwhelming her system.
[SIGHS]
♪♪
Becoming some kind of team, huh?
We left Venezuela when
there was nothing there for us anymore.
No money.
Just me taking care of as much
as I could for our family.
I end up in Port Chiapas.
I get work in the only work I could,
on a
¿Cómo se dice, barco pesquero?
- A fishing boat.
- You worked on a fishing boat?
Yeah.
What happened?
The fire, it started in the engine.
I make it out on the raft.
Manuel He work on the boat, too.
We were going to be married.
♪♪
Out there, all those days, I
think nobody is looking for me.
If Manuel is gone, no one
is waiting for me to come home.
I am alone.
♪♪
And then a miracle.
♪♪
You're going to be okay.
♪♪
Sweet dreams of rhythm and dancin' ♪
Sweet dreams of passion
through the night ♪
Sweet dreams are takin' over ♪
Sweet dreams of dancin'
through the night ♪
Lurking?
Keeping an eye on my patient.
I've been thinking about
your theory about Kelly.
Vasovagal syncope,
fainting as a response
to an emotional trigger.
Like those girls who'd pass out
when they saw Elvis,
- that sort of thing.
- As loathe as I am
to liken you
to the king of rock 'n' roll,
yes, I think you're right.
It's the only thing that fits.
I'm going to set her up with
an electrophysiologist
when we get back to port.
You want to call a truce?
No more fighting over girls.
It's regressive.
Reductive?
Both.
I would love to call a truce.
Because if we keep on playing
this out, there's only one end.
We become that guy.
Oh, I just threw up in my mouth.
Nobody wants to be that guy.
- That guy sucks.
- Yeah.
And that guy doesn't get the girl.
Rhythm is a creation,
a better sensation ♪
[CHUCKLES] That's
Awful.
When your body is movin' ♪
The music is groovin' ♪
I wanna take you home tonight ♪
Sweet dreams of rhythm and dancin' ♪
No, no, no. Tristan!
You know, a lot of people think I juice,
but it's all natural, babe.
You know what, I need to go.
What, and not get a piece of this?
What is that?
Oh, uh
eczema probably.
I'm serious, though.
I don't take anything.
Body is a shrine. No ibuprofen, nothing.
I mean, Adderall, sure. And diuretics.
But that's the only way
I'm going to Shredsville.
Wait.
I need to go. Sorry.
And you need penicillin.
That is not eczema.
Ah. Avery.
Okay, you cannot
- Please
- I know what's wrong with Kelly.
We need to find her.
Kelly, we know you didn't
tell us the whole truth.
When Tristan did your intake,
he asked if you had taken
any medications.
I'm not taking anything.
What's in that?
I saw you shaking it.
- It's just
- It's a health powder.
With thiazide in it?
[SIGHS]
It's a diuretic.
I didn't think that it mattered.
Thiazide.
Makes you drop pounds
like crazy. I know.
It also interrupts electrical
signals to your heart,
which can cause you to pass out.
It can even cause your heart to stop.
It's really dangerous stuff.
It was only supposed to be for the week.
I spent so much money
on this trip, I have to look
I have to look pretty in a swimsuit.
I sound so vapid. I know.
It's okay.
But I'm gonna need you to come with us.
- Yeah.
- I'm gonna put you on a drip
of potassium and electrolytes
until your levels even out.
You're gonna be all right, Kelly.
♪♪
♪♪
♪♪
♪♪
♪♪
♪♪
[SIGHS]
[DOOR OPENS]
Hey, Aves?
Um, Aves, you're a genius.
Back there,
I mean, that was crazy, that diagnosis.
Seriously.
Too bad it doesn't matter.
Of course it matters.
How can you say that?
Hey.
When she was
talking Analisa
about being on the raft,
I saw it all so clearly.
Myself, my life.
I've given up everything good.
Everything that matters.
Relationships, family.
All for this job.
And at the end of the day
I'm alone.
Adrift.
With nothing to show for it.
I'm never going to be a doctor.
- Hey.
- You know? [CHUCKLES DRYLY]
This is all there is for me.
Pumping people's stomachs
when they eat too much shrimp,
and flings with loser douchebags
on singles cruises.
Ooh.
That's it.
Forever.
You're wrong, Aves.
Even if this is all there is
it still matters.
Because you matter.
♪♪
You matter to me.
♪♪
♪♪
♪♪
♪♪
- Hi.
- Hey.
♪♪
Hi.
'Sup?
[SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY]
♪♪
Oh.
[GROANS]
Really, big man? Again?
So one line, we're good.
And two lines, syphilis.
But it could be other things, right?
Yeah, sure, it could be measles,
rubella, scabies, Lyme disease
- And it's not.
- Damn it!
Winner, winner, chicken dinner.
Okay, I'm going to give you
an antibiotic.
I will also need a list of everybody
that you've been with
since you got on the ship.
We contact the partners
for you anonymously.
Got to protect that reputation.
- Uh, yeah.
- I'm going to need more paper.
Go ahead. Say it.
I'm a man whore.
[CHUCKLES]
That's not really a diagnosis
I'm qualified to make.
But, look, we all have our things,
those holes inside of us
that we're trying to fill.
Some people use booze,
I use triathlons and work,
you use sex.
But eventually you're going
to find that you are the hole,
and then you're going to have
to crawl all the way up out
of yourself just to be sane,
and to grow up a little bit.
So focus on the doughnut, not the hole,
as my father used to say.
Is the hole, like, a hole
in a sexual sense?
- [PHONE LINE RINGING]
- [SIGHS]
["DOCTOR'S ORDERS"
BY CAROL DOUGLAS PLAYS]
Hello?
Hello?
Doctor's orders say that ♪
Hello?
No, no hot tubs for a little while.
Sure, whenever you're done
with your massage.
[CELLPHONE CHIMES]
Doctor's orders ♪
You're not going to believe this.
Okay, we'll see you soon.
Only one thing for me ♪
Hello?
Nothing he can do ♪
'Cause only you can cure me ♪
Says in my condition ♪
Love's the best physician ♪
We're here all day.
He prescribed a potion
full of warm emotion ♪
I need that finger.
Oh, right.
[CHUCKLES]
I think about that woman every day.
- Yeah?
- We were invincible.
[CHUCKLES] We thought.
Didn't factor in the cancer,
heart attacks.
[CLEARS THROAT] Okay.
What do you got?
Lay it on me. Both barrels.
Well, when you first collapsed,
you had all the symptoms
of a heart attack,
except one no coronary blockage,
which means no heart attack.
That's the good news.
But it still begs the question,
"What did happen?"
And I think I found the answer.
Stress cardiomyopathy.
Better known as broken heart syndrome.
Come on.
[CHUCKLES] What
What kind of medical journal
did you get that out of?
A Danielle Steele novel?
I know it sounds made up,
but unfortunately the condition
is quite real and quite serious.
It mimics heart attack
and is triggered by emotional stress.
Sometimes actually, often
brought on by the loss of a loved one.
She was the love of my life.
♪♪
I miss her so much, it hurts.
I can tell.
So tell me, doc,
how do we treat this broken heart?
Existential answer? I have no idea.
Medical answer, I'm going to put
you on ACE inhibitors
to bring down your blood pressure,
and I'm going to order you
to take it very, very easy.
[SCOFFS, CHUCKLES]
Okay.
So you're saying that,
in order to keep living,
I got to stop living my life.
You know what the worst thing
for our health is?
Being alive.
Life comes with risks.
There's no way around it.
But we just got to keep on
moving forward.
Thank you, Doctor.
That's exactly what I'm going to do.
Full steam ahead.
Maybe three-quarter steam
ahead for a little while.
Mm-hmm.
[BOTH CHUCKLE]
[KNOCK ON DOOR]
Hi. [CLEARS THROAT]
Just, uh, checking in.
You doing okay?
And you?
Are you okay?
Yeah.
Do you want to come sit?
Sure.
[INDISTINCT CHATTER ON TELEVISION]
I can't let you give up.
You don't know what's gonna happen.
You don't know when you're
gonna die, nobody does.
[EXHALES SOFTLY]
- Sorry.
- It's okay.
[SNIFFLES]
You must have been so scared.
I can only imagine what it was
like to be out there all alone.
Doubting every choice you made.
You must miss him so much, Manuel.
- I'm sorry.
- Yes, I do.
But at least I had him.
True love, I found that.
Which is more than most people can say.
Especially on this ship
during singles week.
[CHUCKLES]
[SOMBER MUSIC PLAYS]
♪♪
["KILLING ME SOFTLY WITH
HIS SONG" PLAYS ON PIANO]
I remember how young I was
when this song came out.
[BOTH CHUCKLE]
Yeah, I was in the Navy.
I was looking to make admiral.
I remember being far out at sea,
and I'd hear these love songs
come across the radio.
And I would feel like my life before me
was just a big adventure.
- And now?
- Less adventures,
and a couple of more naps.
I love naps.
- Oh, yeah?
- Mm-hmm.
♪♪
Why don't we get out
of this cheap gin joint
and go get a room?
My room.
I thought you'd never ask, Admiral.
[CHUCKLES]
You know, I can't promise you
much more than a little fun
and a good roll in the hay.
Because you're married to the sea?
- Yeah, something like that.
- Captain.
Ma'am.
A man in a life ring
was just found floating
off of Puerto Escondido.
It's our rescue's fiancé. He's alive.
Well, I'll be damned.
Someone's adventure
is going to have a happy ending.
- [CHUCKLES]
- Let's make it two.
- What'll it be, boys?
- A ranch water.
- You know it?
- Tequila, lime juice,
and Topo Chico, sure.
And for you, Doctor?
I will have a very dry martini,
vigorously shaken, with three olives.
- Right away.
- "Vigorously shaken."
You're so weird sometimes.
You know that?
- I was going for Bond.
- No.
I'll work on it.
You talk to Avery?
She's had such a hard week.
I feel bad for her.
I don't know what to do.
Us not fighting over her
might be one thing.
Yeah, that might help.
- [CHUCKLES]
- [COCKTAIL SHAKER RATTLES]
No one likes a cad.
Ooh, "cad."
- Now, that is Bond.
- Mm-hmm.
- Thank you.
- Thank you.
I do have one other idea.
Booty pads, compression
socks, female urinal wipes,
absorbent pads, blue disposable
under pads, and long maxi pads.
Minimal coverage face masks, no neck.
Minimal coverage face masks, full neck.
Um, is there something I should know?
You really don't read
the schedules, do you?
It's plastic surgery week.
What, people come for a post-op cruise?
A little R&R while they
recover from their facelifts
and their tummy tucks
and their butt lifts?
- That's the idea.
- Yeah.
Well, I think that's fabulous.
By the way,
good news for Syphilis Sam
We've seen a positive response
to the penicillin.
RPR titers have decreased significantly.
So he's going to be fine.
Fine to go on doing what he does.
- Spreading joy.
- But hopefully not the clap.
Mm.
So, Avery, I've been reading up
about this little cruise line of ours.
And they have all
of these higher education
- full-ride scholarships.
- Mm-hmm, and?
And I spoke to the captain,
and if you wanted,
if you decided
that you would like to be an MD,
he will support you
for a full scholarship.
And if you are selected,
the company just asks
that you give them
three years after your residency
as the ship's doctor.
How did I not know this?
Always look for the secret door.
Every place has one.
What? Oh, my God!
[LAUGHTER]
Ah!
Hey, you know what's more good news?
Analisa's fiancé
- they found him.
- Yeah.
- No, no way. Really?
- Yeah.
He's going to be there when we dock.
Maybe you should go tell her.
Oh!
[SQUEALS]
♪♪
Wow.
♪♪
♪♪
♪♪
♪♪
♪♪
- You crying, dude?
- Yes.
Behind these movie star glasses,
I am crying.
- I love singles week.
- I thought you hated it.
Mm, what's to hate about
a couple of fairytale endings?
Hers and mine.
Now I'm blubbering.
[SNIFFLES, CLEARS THROAT]
See you next year.
I was thinking maybe next time
I would try a monastery.
No. Leave those nuns alone.
Blood test again in six weeks.
Don't forget.
- [WOMEN LAUGH IN DISTANCE]
- Oh, wow.
Wait up, ladies!
♪♪
Thank you.
Thank you all for being so brilliant
and saving my life.
So don't put me in your file
under "dumb, next."
- I'm usually pretty smart.
- I know.
I loved our time together.
♪♪
Yeah.
Still got it.
♪♪
♪♪
♪♪
♪♪
And they're gone.
Okay, can we please go somewhere on land
with beers and oysters
and no emergencies?
Oh, I know just the spot.
♪♪
♪♪
♪♪
♪♪
♪♪
Doctor, welcome aboard The Odyssey.
You must be my nurses.
We are the ship's nurses.
This ship is a dream.
So it'll be your job
to keep everyone alive.
- I'm king of the world!
- [SCREAMS]
Man overboard.
Come on!
- We got him.
- Thank God.
I have a secret.
Is it that you're in love with Avery?
♪♪
Please don't tell the captain.
Yeah, I was just about to text him.
Nine
Come on, come on, come on,
come on, come on.
Ten!
205, bro.
- That's insane.
- Yeah. You want the same?
Give me 40 more.
You know,
I still haven't decided
what I'm going to do
about what you did with Avery.
You broke the code.
Bro code? Seriously?
The code of conduct, Maxwell Bankman,
page 83, section A,
prohibiting intimate relationships
between supervisors and subordinates.
You know, it's grounds for termination.
You've been a very bad boy.
- Ooh!
- I got it, I got it.
- I heard a hemorrhoid pop.
- You okay?
It won't happen again.
Scout's honor.
So don't turn me in. [GRUNTS]
However, what we really
need to talk about
is this an obsession
that you have with Avery.
That's what I plan on
dealing with this week.
You know what they say
The best way to get over
one person is
- Therapy.
- to get underneath someone else.
Singles week, Max. Strap in.
♪♪
No, no, no.
Damn it!
I'm so sorry. I can't find my phone.
Could I, uh, use yours to call it?
Oh, yeah. Of course. Here.
- Thank you.
- Yeah.
[CELLPHONE VIBRATES]
- I swear I am not high.
- [CHUCKLES]
Would you look at that? Look at that.
Thank Thank Thank you so much.
Okay.
♪♪
[HUMMING]
♪♪
Oh, God.
It's like a pilgrimage to a mecca
for the chronically insecure.
I don't know, going on a
week-long cruise all by yourself,
I think that takes brass balls.
They're not all so bad.
Oh. Absolutely not.
You are both cardboard
cutouts with erections.
I can live with that.
Ooh, la, la, la, la, la ♪
- [ELEVATOR DINGS]
- Ooh, la, la, la ♪
♪♪
You made it.
I don't know how I let you
talk me into this.
A singles cruise?
I'm having heart palpitations!
It's called being excited.
Don't worry, I will be right
here the whole time, Glamma.
I will be your beach bitch.
Language.
I don't want to hear
that word this week.
"Glamma"? Luggage.
Yes, ma'am.
Basal insulin, bolus insulin,
and hydrocortisone cream.
Check, check, and check.
Hey, I need you to do me a favor.
The singles week eventually warms up,
but the first night is awkward.
The captain's dinner,
everyone just stands around
and hugs the wall like a bunch
of 7th graders at a sock hop,
so he makes us take the lead.
What, like dance with the guests?
Not me, right? I'm a doctor.
Exactly. You're a hot,
young, single doctor.
So especially you. But I have a plan.
We'll pair up,
do our little shimmy shake.
We'll set the mood,
we won't have to engage.
I can't.
- [CLICKS TONGUE]
- Tristan?
Oh, what? It is so obvious.
He would never forgive me.
- This crush isn't real.
- It's puppy love.
Some unresolved mommy issues.
He needs to get over it.
[SIGHS] Fine.
I'll just dance
with some human petri dish,
and get scabies and die.
Speaking of which,
we need more pubic lice shampoo.
You really don't like
singles week, do you?
- Bad experience?
- No.
It's just relationships
are not my thing.
I spent eight years in school
with no financial help,
It took two jobs to get through,
all so I could pursue this career
where I dedicate myself to people.
You know, humanity at large.
Eight years,
you could have been a doctor.
Yes, I could have been,
if I had done that schooling
in the right order, which I did not.
- [CLEARS THROAT]
- Situation.
Top deck. Hot tubs.
"Situation"? What does that mean?
It means bring ice packs.
[WOMEN GRUNTING]
You bitch!
Break it up! Break it up!
[INDISTINCT SHOUTING]
♪♪
Back it up, please.
[SHOUTING CONTINUES]
- CROWD: Oh!
- I felt that!
I tasted that.
Nasty, dirty, little triflin' girls.
You want a rematch?
Whistle through that gap tooth,
jack-o'-lantern-face ass.
You pirate-looking bitch!
[INDISTINCT SHOUTING]
Stop it! Stop it! Stop!
- [GROWLS]
- Hold still.
Geez. What?
Are you all fighting over some man?
Not some man, my man.
He wanted to bring his girlfriend
and his little side piece, too.
I'm cool.
Bring 'em on the cruise, I say.
And then I catch this bitch trying to
take off the damn condom,
like I wouldn't see it.
It's not like
you were gonna give him a baby.
Womb like a haunted house, just dusty.
Okay, okay, okay.
When we fight over men,
we instantly give them complete
and total power over us.
Look at yourselves.
No man is worth this.
- Jeffery is.
- Mm-hmm.
Mmm.
Mm-hmm.
Jeffery is that"D."
You know what I'm saying?
And when that "D" calls,
you drop everything and run.
- Amen.
- Okay, well, I've never had any
"D" like that.
And if you keep up this stupid fight,
I'm having all three of you
dropped off in Puerto Del Sol.
- Oh, girl.
- You need to get you some.
You know, for your health.
Don't you know? You're a doctor.
I'm a nurse, not a doctor.
Ah. Okay.
[JAZZ MUSIC PLAYING]
♪♪
He's a tramp ♪
But they love him ♪
Breaks a new heart every day ♪
Okay, kids, you know the drill.
Dance.
And don't make me ask you twice.
So what's the deal here?
We're just supposed to pick somebody
and make them dance with us?
If you're you, yes.
If you're me, you just walk right up.
Oh, Tristan, don't do this
to yourself again.
Remember what happened last time?
We could end up in a dance-off.
Maybe she's coming to ask me to dance.
- Hi. Sorry.
- I'm so nervous.
Everything inside me is
telling me I should just go back
to my cabin
and scroll my phone all night,
so I'm going to not do that.
Do you want to dance?
- Uh, yes.
- Cool.
After you.
He's a rover, and there's nothing ♪
And away we go.
He's a tramp ♪
And a good one ♪
And I wish
that I could travel his way ♪
♪♪
[SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY]
- Excuse me, miss.
- Would you care to dance?
I'm legally obligated
to ask someone to dance.
Why don't you go?
I'd love to.
Fantastic.
But I wish that he were double ♪
He's a tramp, he's a rover ♪
So, your friend
Who is definitely 100% not my grandma.
[BOTH CHUCKLE]
I begged her to come on this trip.
I just I don't want her to regret it.
I have an idea.
Do you see that handsome
gentleman in the white jacket
over my shoulder?
What do you think?
[APPLAUSE]
What do you say, Captain?
Shall we show these kids a thing or two?
I would be honored.
♪♪
♪♪
[CHUCKLES]
[SIGHS] Can I tell you a secret?
Sure.
This being single thing
is very new to me.
Well, you're faking it beautifully.
I'm definitely
the oldest single person here.
And probably also the only widow.
- I'm sorry.
- Oh, he was an A-hole.
Lucky for me.
Makes grieving a lot easier.
Well, you're in good company.
You may be the only widow here,
but your dance partner
is the only widower.
- As far as I know.
- Hmm.
- How long?
- A year ago.
But, unlucky for me,
she was my everything.
And now, I'm just kind of
out here adrift.
["READY FOR YOUR LOVE"
BY FELIX JAEHN PLAYING]
Oh.
That's our cue.
You make the moon and stars come out ♪
You make the world spin
round and round and round ♪
- Whoa, whoa, whoa.
- Kelly?
Kelly?
♪♪
Let's start with what we can rule out.
- It's not cardiac arrhythmia.
- Her heart rate is normal.
She says she's
not taking any medication.
So it's not an adverse reaction.
It's definitely not dehydration.
She doesn't go anywhere without
that dumb, trendy water bottle.
Sudden onset is concerning.
What can come on suddenly
with only one symptom?
Syncope.
Vasovagal syncope?
Fainting as a response
to an emotional trigger?
You think she swooned over you?
It's not unheard of.
In fact, I really hope you're right.
- Why?
- Because if not,
she may only have a 30% chance
of surviving the next 48 hours.
Aortic dissection.
- What's going on?
- What are you doing?
We're giving you a
transesophageal echocardiogram
to get a clearer picture of your
heart and see what's going on.
- I need to turn you, okay?
- What?
- Wh-What do you think it is?
- Possibly aortic dissection,
a small tear in the aorta.
It would come on quickly, and syncope
would be one of the first symptoms.
- This is a light sedative.
- Kelly.
Hey. You're gonna be okay.
Open your mouth. This spray is
a local anesthetic.
It's going to numb your throat
and your esophagus.
- Wait, wait, wait.
- I have to be awake for this?
No, no, no, no, no.
Can't you just, like,
put me completely under?
Unfortunately, we cannot.
- Oh, can I
- I need to call my parents.
It's imperative that we do
this procedure immediately.
- No. I'm okay, I'm okay.
- I know, I know,
but I'm right here,
and I'm not going anywhere.
Yeah, I won't lie This is gonna suck,
but for a really short amount of time,
and then it's gonna be over, and
we're gonna figure it all out.
- Okay?
- Okay.
- You can do this.
- You're amazing.
Let's go.
[COUGHS]
It's okay, you can do this.
You're gonna do this, it's okay.
- You can do this, Kelly.
- Oh, my What?
- You can do this.
- Hey, it's okay.
[GAGGING]
- [MONITOR BEEPING]
- We're so close.
- Come on.
- [MACHINE BEEPING RAPIDLY]
She's hypotensive.
Heart rate dropping. 46.
- She's in V-fib.
- Get the probe out now.
- Kelly, come on.
- Stay with me now.
Come on, Kelly.
Stay with me, Kelly.
Come on, Kelly.
[PADDLES WHINE]
- Charging.
- Charging.
Charge! Clear.
♪♪
So you still don't know
what's wrong with me, then?
No, but we do know that you
don't have a hole in your heart.
We got one picture, and it was enough.
Structurally, your heart
and your aorta are healthy.
So we're back to square one.
No. Not square one.
We just eliminated
the worst case scenario.
We will figure this out.
I promise.
♪♪
Ooh, ah, ooh ♪
Ooh, ah, ooh ♪
[MOANING]
[FUNKY MUSIC PLAYS]
What's up?
[GROANS]
♪♪
♪♪
Hey, ladies!
[WHISTLES] Hello?
♪♪
- Hey.
- What's up?
You are aware that this is not
a swingers cruise, right?
- Or, like, a bathhouse?
- It's singles week, homie.
Anything goes.
Hey, you're the new doc, right?
- Yep.
- While I got you here,
I, uh I got this thing
on my, uh, stomach.
- Hard to say.
- It could be eczema.
- Oh, sweet.
- It's harmless, right?
- Eczema?
- Yeah.
Why don't you come downstairs,
I'll take a look at it.
No can do. I got prior obligations.
[CHUCKLES] Okay.
Uh, well, at least let me
get you some condoms.
Oh, no. Never use them.
Like, that's horrible
for the environment.
You'd be shocked how many
turtles choke on those things.
[ROMANTIC MUSIC PLAYS]
♪♪
[KNOCK ON DOOR]
♪♪
♪♪
- Am I late?
- No, you're right on time.
♪♪
Well, what do you think? Overkill?
Too much for a sunset dinner?
It's wonderful.
[CHUCKLES]
Yeah. Champagne?
[LAUGHS]
I'm not kidding.
I think for a long time,
I felt it was just too late
for me to do anything exciting
or different.
Then my husband passed away,
and it was a wake-up call.
It's only too late when you're dead.
Until then, carpe diem.
- Seize the day.
- Right?
Well, the adventure life
seems to suit you.
Mm, I agree.
What is it they say about oysters?
[BOTH LAUGH]
Hold on. You're dribbling.
-Mm
-Mm.
Mm. [CHUCKLES]
♪♪
You're flushed.
I think the oysters
are doing their job, Captain.
[CLEARS THROAT]
[BREATHING SHAKILY]
- Are you okay?
- What's happening?
- Robert.
- [DISHES CLATTER]
Robert!
Everything points to a heart attack.
We'll know soon enough.
Sheath.
Catheter has reached the heart.
Contrast going in.
♪♪
So weird. He has all the
symptoms of a heart attack,
but the EKG was normal and the
angiogram showed no blockage.
Heart attack, but without
the heart attack part.
Maybe the angiography missed something.
When we get his blood tests
back, note his troponin levels.
If they're elevated, it's
almost certainly a heart attack.
- But if not
- [KNOCK ON DOOR]
Sorry.
Hey, Avery.
I'm Spencer Munroe,
First Officer,
Captain's second in command.
- How's he doing?
- Stable. Resting.
Now we're running some more tests.
How long is he going to be out for?
A bit. What is it, Spencer?
♪♪
- [RADAR PINGS]
- It just showed up on our screen.
150 nautical miles,
maybe 7 or 8 hours away.
Whatever it is, it's equipped
with a radar reflector.
That's how we were able
to pick it up at a distance.
Might just be debris, a rogue buoy,
but it could be a life raft.
If we're going to divert,
we have to do it now.
But I need the captain to make the call.
Who makes the call when
the captain's out of commission?
Me. Just never had to do
anything like this before.
In my job, if you have
the ability to help,
you have the responsibility to help.
Even if it's a Hail Mary.
♪♪
Let's get that raft.
[MONITOR BEEPING]
♪♪
♪♪
You want to tell me
why the hell I'm not seeing
Huatulco, Mexico, out the port side?
Well, I'll tell you how I know.
It's 'cause I'm looking out
the port side
and all I see is ocean.
I want a full briefing,
an engine report,
and a double espresso waiting.
♪♪
♪♪
Report.
Captain, we picked up a distress beacon
and a ping on sonar, and altered course.
They're now 10 nautical miles ahead.
We're doing 18 knots.
Increase the speed to 25 knots.
I want to cut the intercept time
by seven minutes.
Yes, sir. Rescue boats
are ready to launch.
We radioed any other vessels
in the vicinity and shore.
Launch them at five miles out.
They can get there quicker,
and then we slow.
- Yes, sir.
- Doctor.
I want you out there with me
on the first rescue boat.
Captain.
I can't have you out there with us.
I need you to stay with the ship.
Doctor's orders.
Understood.
Tristan and I will go
with the rescue team.
Avery, prep for dialysis
in case there's kidney damage.
- Also ready a hypotonic drip.
- On it.
♪♪
[SEAGULLS SQUAWKING]
[WIND BLOWING, SQUAWKING ECHOES]
[GASPS]
[RETCHES]
[GASPING]
♪♪
♪♪
♪♪
♪♪
[BREATHING RASPILY]
♪♪
♪♪
There. Right there.
♪♪
- Let's go.
- [GRUNTS]
Okay. Hi.
My name is Tristan. You're safe.
You're going to be okay. All right?
I just need to check your pulse.
Hang on.
Okay.
[RETCHES]
We have to get her back to the ship now.
Diagnosis?
Patient is suffering gastroenteritis,
probably from saltwater exposure,
severe heatstroke, and dehydration.
- Get an I.V. in her now.
- On it.
- Avery, get her hooked up.
- D5W.
Slow infusion.
We need to crack this carefully.
Okay.
[SHAKILY] Thank you.
You're welcome.
I.V. is ready for administration
with slow drip rate,
as instructed.
[MONITOR BEEPING STEADILY]
Okay.
I think we're good.
[MONITOR BEEPING RAPIDLY]
She's crashing.
V-fib. Now.
- Come on.
- 200 joules.
I'm not sure if that's enough, but
[PADDLES WHINE]
Clear.
[THUMP]
- No pulse.
- Going to 300.
[PADDLES WHINE]
Clear.
[THUMP]
[MONITOR BEEPING STEADILY]
♪♪
I have a pulse.
I'll adjust the drip rate and
keep an eye on her electrolytes.
Why did she crash like that?
- The hypernatremia?
- It's a combination of factors.
The hypernatremia is
a risk given her condition.
It can strain the heart.
But she's also severely dehydrated,
which means that her
blood volume is critically low.
It's a balancing act
Trying to hydrate her
while not overwhelming her system.
[SIGHS]
♪♪
Becoming some kind of team, huh?
We left Venezuela when
there was nothing there for us anymore.
No money.
Just me taking care of as much
as I could for our family.
I end up in Port Chiapas.
I get work in the only work I could,
on a
¿Cómo se dice, barco pesquero?
- A fishing boat.
- You worked on a fishing boat?
Yeah.
What happened?
The fire, it started in the engine.
I make it out on the raft.
Manuel He work on the boat, too.
We were going to be married.
♪♪
Out there, all those days, I
think nobody is looking for me.
If Manuel is gone, no one
is waiting for me to come home.
I am alone.
♪♪
And then a miracle.
♪♪
You're going to be okay.
♪♪
Sweet dreams of rhythm and dancin' ♪
Sweet dreams of passion
through the night ♪
Sweet dreams are takin' over ♪
Sweet dreams of dancin'
through the night ♪
Lurking?
Keeping an eye on my patient.
I've been thinking about
your theory about Kelly.
Vasovagal syncope,
fainting as a response
to an emotional trigger.
Like those girls who'd pass out
when they saw Elvis,
- that sort of thing.
- As loathe as I am
to liken you
to the king of rock 'n' roll,
yes, I think you're right.
It's the only thing that fits.
I'm going to set her up with
an electrophysiologist
when we get back to port.
You want to call a truce?
No more fighting over girls.
It's regressive.
Reductive?
Both.
I would love to call a truce.
Because if we keep on playing
this out, there's only one end.
We become that guy.
Oh, I just threw up in my mouth.
Nobody wants to be that guy.
- That guy sucks.
- Yeah.
And that guy doesn't get the girl.
Rhythm is a creation,
a better sensation ♪
[CHUCKLES] That's
Awful.
When your body is movin' ♪
The music is groovin' ♪
I wanna take you home tonight ♪
Sweet dreams of rhythm and dancin' ♪
No, no, no. Tristan!
You know, a lot of people think I juice,
but it's all natural, babe.
You know what, I need to go.
What, and not get a piece of this?
What is that?
Oh, uh
eczema probably.
I'm serious, though.
I don't take anything.
Body is a shrine. No ibuprofen, nothing.
I mean, Adderall, sure. And diuretics.
But that's the only way
I'm going to Shredsville.
Wait.
I need to go. Sorry.
And you need penicillin.
That is not eczema.
Ah. Avery.
Okay, you cannot
- Please
- I know what's wrong with Kelly.
We need to find her.
Kelly, we know you didn't
tell us the whole truth.
When Tristan did your intake,
he asked if you had taken
any medications.
I'm not taking anything.
What's in that?
I saw you shaking it.
- It's just
- It's a health powder.
With thiazide in it?
[SIGHS]
It's a diuretic.
I didn't think that it mattered.
Thiazide.
Makes you drop pounds
like crazy. I know.
It also interrupts electrical
signals to your heart,
which can cause you to pass out.
It can even cause your heart to stop.
It's really dangerous stuff.
It was only supposed to be for the week.
I spent so much money
on this trip, I have to look
I have to look pretty in a swimsuit.
I sound so vapid. I know.
It's okay.
But I'm gonna need you to come with us.
- Yeah.
- I'm gonna put you on a drip
of potassium and electrolytes
until your levels even out.
You're gonna be all right, Kelly.
♪♪
♪♪
♪♪
♪♪
♪♪
♪♪
[SIGHS]
[DOOR OPENS]
Hey, Aves?
Um, Aves, you're a genius.
Back there,
I mean, that was crazy, that diagnosis.
Seriously.
Too bad it doesn't matter.
Of course it matters.
How can you say that?
Hey.
When she was
talking Analisa
about being on the raft,
I saw it all so clearly.
Myself, my life.
I've given up everything good.
Everything that matters.
Relationships, family.
All for this job.
And at the end of the day
I'm alone.
Adrift.
With nothing to show for it.
I'm never going to be a doctor.
- Hey.
- You know? [CHUCKLES DRYLY]
This is all there is for me.
Pumping people's stomachs
when they eat too much shrimp,
and flings with loser douchebags
on singles cruises.
Ooh.
That's it.
Forever.
You're wrong, Aves.
Even if this is all there is
it still matters.
Because you matter.
♪♪
You matter to me.
♪♪
♪♪
♪♪
♪♪
- Hi.
- Hey.
♪♪
Hi.
'Sup?
[SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY]
♪♪
Oh.
[GROANS]
Really, big man? Again?
So one line, we're good.
And two lines, syphilis.
But it could be other things, right?
Yeah, sure, it could be measles,
rubella, scabies, Lyme disease
- And it's not.
- Damn it!
Winner, winner, chicken dinner.
Okay, I'm going to give you
an antibiotic.
I will also need a list of everybody
that you've been with
since you got on the ship.
We contact the partners
for you anonymously.
Got to protect that reputation.
- Uh, yeah.
- I'm going to need more paper.
Go ahead. Say it.
I'm a man whore.
[CHUCKLES]
That's not really a diagnosis
I'm qualified to make.
But, look, we all have our things,
those holes inside of us
that we're trying to fill.
Some people use booze,
I use triathlons and work,
you use sex.
But eventually you're going
to find that you are the hole,
and then you're going to have
to crawl all the way up out
of yourself just to be sane,
and to grow up a little bit.
So focus on the doughnut, not the hole,
as my father used to say.
Is the hole, like, a hole
in a sexual sense?
- [PHONE LINE RINGING]
- [SIGHS]
["DOCTOR'S ORDERS"
BY CAROL DOUGLAS PLAYS]
Hello?
Hello?
Doctor's orders say that ♪
Hello?
No, no hot tubs for a little while.
Sure, whenever you're done
with your massage.
[CELLPHONE CHIMES]
Doctor's orders ♪
You're not going to believe this.
Okay, we'll see you soon.
Only one thing for me ♪
Hello?
Nothing he can do ♪
'Cause only you can cure me ♪
Says in my condition ♪
Love's the best physician ♪
We're here all day.
He prescribed a potion
full of warm emotion ♪
I need that finger.
Oh, right.
[CHUCKLES]
I think about that woman every day.
- Yeah?
- We were invincible.
[CHUCKLES] We thought.
Didn't factor in the cancer,
heart attacks.
[CLEARS THROAT] Okay.
What do you got?
Lay it on me. Both barrels.
Well, when you first collapsed,
you had all the symptoms
of a heart attack,
except one no coronary blockage,
which means no heart attack.
That's the good news.
But it still begs the question,
"What did happen?"
And I think I found the answer.
Stress cardiomyopathy.
Better known as broken heart syndrome.
Come on.
[CHUCKLES] What
What kind of medical journal
did you get that out of?
A Danielle Steele novel?
I know it sounds made up,
but unfortunately the condition
is quite real and quite serious.
It mimics heart attack
and is triggered by emotional stress.
Sometimes actually, often
brought on by the loss of a loved one.
She was the love of my life.
♪♪
I miss her so much, it hurts.
I can tell.
So tell me, doc,
how do we treat this broken heart?
Existential answer? I have no idea.
Medical answer, I'm going to put
you on ACE inhibitors
to bring down your blood pressure,
and I'm going to order you
to take it very, very easy.
[SCOFFS, CHUCKLES]
Okay.
So you're saying that,
in order to keep living,
I got to stop living my life.
You know what the worst thing
for our health is?
Being alive.
Life comes with risks.
There's no way around it.
But we just got to keep on
moving forward.
Thank you, Doctor.
That's exactly what I'm going to do.
Full steam ahead.
Maybe three-quarter steam
ahead for a little while.
Mm-hmm.
[BOTH CHUCKLE]
[KNOCK ON DOOR]
Hi. [CLEARS THROAT]
Just, uh, checking in.
You doing okay?
And you?
Are you okay?
Yeah.
Do you want to come sit?
Sure.
[INDISTINCT CHATTER ON TELEVISION]
I can't let you give up.
You don't know what's gonna happen.
You don't know when you're
gonna die, nobody does.
[EXHALES SOFTLY]
- Sorry.
- It's okay.
[SNIFFLES]
You must have been so scared.
I can only imagine what it was
like to be out there all alone.
Doubting every choice you made.
You must miss him so much, Manuel.
- I'm sorry.
- Yes, I do.
But at least I had him.
True love, I found that.
Which is more than most people can say.
Especially on this ship
during singles week.
[CHUCKLES]
[SOMBER MUSIC PLAYS]
♪♪
["KILLING ME SOFTLY WITH
HIS SONG" PLAYS ON PIANO]
I remember how young I was
when this song came out.
[BOTH CHUCKLE]
Yeah, I was in the Navy.
I was looking to make admiral.
I remember being far out at sea,
and I'd hear these love songs
come across the radio.
And I would feel like my life before me
was just a big adventure.
- And now?
- Less adventures,
and a couple of more naps.
I love naps.
- Oh, yeah?
- Mm-hmm.
♪♪
Why don't we get out
of this cheap gin joint
and go get a room?
My room.
I thought you'd never ask, Admiral.
[CHUCKLES]
You know, I can't promise you
much more than a little fun
and a good roll in the hay.
Because you're married to the sea?
- Yeah, something like that.
- Captain.
Ma'am.
A man in a life ring
was just found floating
off of Puerto Escondido.
It's our rescue's fiancé. He's alive.
Well, I'll be damned.
Someone's adventure
is going to have a happy ending.
- [CHUCKLES]
- Let's make it two.
- What'll it be, boys?
- A ranch water.
- You know it?
- Tequila, lime juice,
and Topo Chico, sure.
And for you, Doctor?
I will have a very dry martini,
vigorously shaken, with three olives.
- Right away.
- "Vigorously shaken."
You're so weird sometimes.
You know that?
- I was going for Bond.
- No.
I'll work on it.
You talk to Avery?
She's had such a hard week.
I feel bad for her.
I don't know what to do.
Us not fighting over her
might be one thing.
Yeah, that might help.
- [CHUCKLES]
- [COCKTAIL SHAKER RATTLES]
No one likes a cad.
Ooh, "cad."
- Now, that is Bond.
- Mm-hmm.
- Thank you.
- Thank you.
I do have one other idea.
Booty pads, compression
socks, female urinal wipes,
absorbent pads, blue disposable
under pads, and long maxi pads.
Minimal coverage face masks, no neck.
Minimal coverage face masks, full neck.
Um, is there something I should know?
You really don't read
the schedules, do you?
It's plastic surgery week.
What, people come for a post-op cruise?
A little R&R while they
recover from their facelifts
and their tummy tucks
and their butt lifts?
- That's the idea.
- Yeah.
Well, I think that's fabulous.
By the way,
good news for Syphilis Sam
We've seen a positive response
to the penicillin.
RPR titers have decreased significantly.
So he's going to be fine.
Fine to go on doing what he does.
- Spreading joy.
- But hopefully not the clap.
Mm.
So, Avery, I've been reading up
about this little cruise line of ours.
And they have all
of these higher education
- full-ride scholarships.
- Mm-hmm, and?
And I spoke to the captain,
and if you wanted,
if you decided
that you would like to be an MD,
he will support you
for a full scholarship.
And if you are selected,
the company just asks
that you give them
three years after your residency
as the ship's doctor.
How did I not know this?
Always look for the secret door.
Every place has one.
What? Oh, my God!
[LAUGHTER]
Ah!
Hey, you know what's more good news?
Analisa's fiancé
- they found him.
- Yeah.
- No, no way. Really?
- Yeah.
He's going to be there when we dock.
Maybe you should go tell her.
Oh!
[SQUEALS]
♪♪
Wow.
♪♪
♪♪
♪♪
♪♪
♪♪
- You crying, dude?
- Yes.
Behind these movie star glasses,
I am crying.
- I love singles week.
- I thought you hated it.
Mm, what's to hate about
a couple of fairytale endings?
Hers and mine.
Now I'm blubbering.
[SNIFFLES, CLEARS THROAT]
See you next year.
I was thinking maybe next time
I would try a monastery.
No. Leave those nuns alone.
Blood test again in six weeks.
Don't forget.
- [WOMEN LAUGH IN DISTANCE]
- Oh, wow.
Wait up, ladies!
♪♪
Thank you.
Thank you all for being so brilliant
and saving my life.
So don't put me in your file
under "dumb, next."
- I'm usually pretty smart.
- I know.
I loved our time together.
♪♪
Yeah.
Still got it.
♪♪
♪♪
♪♪
♪♪
And they're gone.
Okay, can we please go somewhere on land
with beers and oysters
and no emergencies?
Oh, I know just the spot.
♪♪
♪♪
♪♪
♪♪
♪♪