Doogie Kamealoha, M.D. (2021) s01e02 Episode Script

1
(WAVES CRASHING)
I kissed Walter.
(BOTH SCREAMING)
- Oh, my god!
- (BOTH LAUGH)
Tell me everything.
Okay. I was feeling down, so I
did what my dad always says to do
and I went to the ocean.
And Walter was just there. Like he knew.
- No.
- Yes.
And we talked,
and then he leaned
in, and he was
chewing sweet mint gum.
Or maybe it was winter mint.
It's hard to tell with all that xylitol,
sorbitol and aspartame, and then
Wow, all that, and with a
guy who can afford to buy gum.
(SOFT CHUCKLE)
(UPBEAT MUSIC)
What's up, dudes?
Dudes?
Honestly, even "ma'am"
would have been better.
BRIAN: I have an announcement.
I just got my first chest hair.
I'm a man now.
- There?
- No, that's a Pop-Tart crumb.
There it is, I think.
Yes! No. Yes! (CLICKS TONGUE)
- Aw.
- Hm.
Chest hair and make-outs
- in the same 24-hour period.
- (CLARA LAUGHS)
Can't believe you guys are still
talking about Lahela and Walter.
It's, like, so what?
I've kissed 45 girls.
- Forty-five?
- Forty-five.
- CLARA: Oh.
- You sound impressed.
Well, I'm not "not impressed".
I mean, this is an island.
(GASPS)
"Dudes"?
What is happening?
You just need to just
chill out and read his vibe.
(LAHELA SIGHS) I'm a busy doctor.
I don't have time to read his vibe.
You know what?
I'm just gonna swim out
there right now and ask him.
No!
You might not know this because
you finished high school at seven,
but you can't just ask a
teen boy what he's thinking.
Why not?
It's literally never been done
before. Who knows what would happen.
My gut tells me I should
just go talk to him.
My gut tells me to hide
under your brother's bed,
pop out in the middle of the
night and confess my love.
But I don't, because your mom
told me not to do it anymore.
So this is it.
I just have to live my life not knowing.
You know, you could post a video
on TikTok and see what he comments.
So inexact, so basic.
Whatever Walter replies
will show you how he feels.
(SLOW MUSIC)
I've never wanted to be a towel before.
I think I just got pregnant.
I'm gonna make that video.
(UPBEAT MUSIC)
(CELL PHONE BEEPS)
(THEME MUSIC)
(TRANQUIL MUSIC)
What would you like the card to say?
I don't know. "Happy Anniversary"?
Or
"My love, every day, I
marvel that I have the honor
of being on this planet
at the same time as you.
I love you."
How's that?
Sure.
Can you imagine not knowing
what to say to your partner?
One time I didn't know what to say,
but I picked up my ukulele and
ultimately conveyed it with my hips.
(BENNY LAUGHS)
Now that I'm a man, I've
been taking notes on romance.
If you want notes on romance,
it's kind of my specialty.
Back in the day,
I used to go out to a club
and get onto the dance floor.
Forget it. The ladies
love a man who can dance.
- But then what happened?
- What do you mean, "what happened"?
Well, you don't have moves now.
You say, "Here we go,"
whenever you get off the couch.
I have moves.
Ask Mom. She thinks I'm romantic.
To her, I'm still Benny
Ke Ali'i oke Aloha.
The King of Romance!
How do you say "the King of Chest Hair"?
Keil li.
Keil li hi.
We just picked him up from his
hotel, paralyzed from the waist down.
- Pool accident?
- PARAMEDIC: Not this time.
I can't move my legs.
A few minutes ago, I
could still move my legs.
- Hi, what's your name?
- Caleb.
- Can you tell me what happened today?
- Nothing.
What?
I came here to hike Stairway to Heaven.
I was walking to the hotel
elevator to pick up some gear,
and then my legs just stopped working.
- Have you fallen recently?
- No, I'm telling you, normal day.
Okay, this nurse is gonna check
your vitals and we'll be right back.
Let's get him in for an MRI immediately.
- MRI machine's out.
- What?
A claustrophobic
guy kicked it last
night, and it's still
being serviced.
(SIGHS) Okay, well, in the meantime,
I need an initial workup of
LP, CBC, and electrolytes.
Let's get his copper, vitamin
B12, and vitamin E levels, too.
CALEB: Doctor. Hey, doctor.
I'm gonna be able to walk again, right?
I'm gonna do everything I can for you.
(BREATHES DEEPLY)
(TRANQUIL MUSIC)
(CELL PHONE VIBRATES)
(LAHELA SIGHS)
Sorry, I'm late.
My mom has a date tonight,
so we were waxing her legs.
She must really like him,
'cause we did both sides.
(CELL PHONE CHIMES)
Oh, my god. Walter finally commented.
What is it? Show mama.
A caterpillar?
What does that mean? Does
Walter like me or not?
Listen, translating
emojis is my life's work.
That, and perfecting my moves.
But a caterpillar emoji?
No clue.
(SIGHS DEEPLY)
Hey, Mom, you're not gonna
believe what happened.
My chest hair thickened.
Because you drew on it with a Sharpie.
And Dad told us that people used
to call him "The King of Romance".
BRIAN: Our dad! This guy!
Benny Kamealoha!
Well he was.
Was?
You should have seen
your dad back in our 20s.
Oh, we would go out to the club
and I would have to chase all the
girls away in my tube top saying,
"Hey, like, get back, shoo,
scram. I will follow you home
and I will hurt you."
(GASPS) I just realized,
you guys have never
seen him do "the song".
Okay, you know that
Nelly song, Hot in Herre?
CLARA: Come on, Benny.
Show the boys what you're working with.
So baby tell me what's the use ♪
- Ooh!
- I said, It's gettin' hot in herre ♪
- Ooh.
- So take off all your clothes ♪
- BENNY: Ooh!
- (LAUGHS)
Oh, there it is. Yes.
- KAI: Go, Dad, go.
- I knew I got it from somewhere.
Man, your dad was the smoothest.
Once again, I'm hearing "was".
CLARA: Always knew what
to say and what to do.
He was just so thoughtful and so suave.
Not loving the amount of
past tense I'm hearing.
(BOTH CHUCKLE)
(TRANQUIL MUSIC)
How are you feeling today, Caleb?
I still can't walk. (SIGHS)
I just want to ask you
a few more questions.
We've been over your medical history,
but we're at the point
where it would be helpful
to ask your family members
about their medical histories.
Any history of autoimmune diseases,
like lupus or myasthenia
gravis, rheumatoid arthritis,
- or multiple sclerosis
- I just don't understand.
Yesterday, I was preparing
for the hike of a lifetime,
and today, I can't even walk.
I might be leaving this
hospital in a wheelchair.
And I don't know why.
Caleb, hopefully, we
will have answers soon.
(SIGHS)
Now, I'm so sorry, but I just
have a few more questions.
LAHELA: This case is driving me crazy.
The tests keep coming back clean.
I mean, I feel so far from a diagnosis.
Girl, if anyone can
figure it out, it's you.
Your brain is basically a computer.
I'm just a fast reader.
I mean, what is life?
One day, you're walking and
then suddenly, you can't.
One day you're making out
with someone on the beach
and then, they're sending
you the world's worst emoji.
I mean, what the crap?
Uh, can we circle back to the
making out on the beach part?
Please circle back.
Hey, any update on the case?
I heard you up all night working on it.
Yeah, I mean, I have to crack this.
Well, don't forget, the best
way to get a definitive answer
is to go back to one of the
building blocks of medicine,
the scientific method.
You can apply it to almost any question.
LAHELA: Exactly.
The scientific method.
His progressive weakness and
lack of lower extremity reflexes
makes me think it's
Guillain-Barre Syndrome.
But since I'm not a neurologist,
I really appreciate you
looking into this case.
I agree with the full neuro work-up.
The CSF protein isn't high like
you'd expect with Guillain-Barre,
but that doesn't rule it out.
I'll perform nerve
conduction studies right now.
And report back to you, and
let you know what I find.
Thank you, Dr. Tukushi. He's in
327. Again, I really appreciate it.
Oh, my pleasure.
Oh, excuse me, I gotta
run to my ten o'clock.
Okay.
Thank you for joining me today
as I present my findings on
applying the scientific method
to the query, "Does Walter like me?"
(APPLAUSE)
Hey, can you rent this
room out for the hour?
My improv team is always
looking for a place to practice.
No, this is a hospital.
So I did a deep dive
into Walter's socials
and his use of the
caterpillar emoji
Positive, although he did use
it on his mom's Instagram once.
In your defense, she is hot.
My next data point,
body language analysis
from candid shots my mom
took before the dance.
- Oh.
- His leaning stance suggests interest
based on a study published
in the Journal of
Nonverbal Communication.
Great. So for the non-doctors
in the room, he likes you.
I hope so.
But all my evidence
is circumstantial.
I wish I had some
hard data, his DNA.
Then I could run some tests,
vis a vis, the science of attraction
- and maybe I could
- (DOOR OPENS)
(DOOR CLOSES)
Steph?
Yeah, we go straight up
there, right? Then we come
What the
I don't wanna know how you
got this, but thank you.
Oh girl, we haven't even scratched
the surface on my creep ability.
This proves that Walter
and I have dissimilar DNA,
which was a key factor
in a study where
I'm good.
Okay, well, my point is, the
science supports my hypothesis.
Walter likes me. (SOFT CHUCKLE)
Now, I just need to prove it
by replicating the findings and
getting Walter to kiss me again.
Well, slap on some
ChapStick and go get it.
I have to set up the perfect date.
I'm thinking the beach. That's
where we had our first kiss.
Ooh, string lights, hurricane candles,
beachy pillows, soft blankets,
maybe some live music.
- It'll be amazing.
- (CHUCKLES)
- For science.
- For science.
- Science! Science! Science!
- Science! Science! Science!
- DR. LEE: Hey.
- BOTH: Science! Science!
Can you guys get out of
here? It's my Xbox time.
DR. LEE: Go, go, go.
Hey.
I thought we'd have a
romantic night tonight,
just you and me, baby.
This candle is not the only
thing that got waxed today.
First course of the night,
smooth jazz and some filet mignon.
- Oh, thanks babe.
- Mm-mm.
Mmm. (MUNCHING) It's good.
- So how was work?
- Mmm. Mmm.
Any update on the
Gail-Jim-Gary love triangle?
I still can't believe she's
dating two security guards.
Mmm.
Wow, honey, you're missing
a very romantic date.
Oh, I'm sorry.
I mean, be in the moment, take
in the sky, take in the moon.
I have a crazy job and three kids.
Catch up with you later, moon.
(CLARA LAUGHS)
Shoot. I gotta hop on a Zoom with
a gastroenterologist in Hamburg.
- (CLEARS THROAT)
- (SPEAKING GERMAN OVER LAPTOP)
Hallo! (CHUCKLES)
(LIGHT MUSIC)
Lookin' good, girl.
All right, I'm gonna prove that
hypothesis, once and for all.
These lippies are
getting some action.
And you're all
set at the beach.
You got the blankets, the lighting.
And don't worry, I dragged
away that dead shark.
I can't do anything
about the smell, though.
Now, go get him!
Okay!
(WAVES CRASHING)
So, how was school today?
Kind of a mixed bag.
We had a pop quiz in Spanish
class, which was no bueno,
but then, we had a fire
drill, so we got to go outside.
You know, I’ve
never really asked,
what's it like being
a 16-year-old doctor?
Well, I love being a physician.
But, I mean, I can't really
compare my life to anything else.
This is the only 16 I know.
You know, I get that.
People always
ask if it's weird to
be raised by my
mom and six aunties,
but it's all I've ever known.
Plus, now, I've memorized the
washing directions for Spanx, so
(BOTH CHUCKLE)
You know, I've been
meaning to ask you this.
What did the caterpillar
emoji on my TikTok mean?
Caterpillar?
Transformation challenge? Get it?
Ooh.
Whoa.
You like it?
Yeah.
Wait, who's that?
LAHELA: Just some casual live music.
(EXHALES)
Wow, this is all
Awesome, right?
(UKULELE STRUMS)
It's a perfect date.
So
(MAN SINGING) Ooh, oh, oh ♪
Ooh, oh, oh ♪
Ooh, oh, oh ♪
Sorry, Lahela,
I actually forgot I have to
write a paper on King Kamehameha.
Oh.
You know, my dad's totally
obsessed with King Kamehameha.
I could help you.
That's okay, but, um,
thanks for the fun hangs.
Yeah, totally.
So then, this is goodbye.
At least he didn't call you "dude".
("NOW I'M IN IT" BY HAIM PLAYING)
Looking in the
mirror again and again ♪
Wishing the reflection
would tell me… ♪
Hey, did I hear someone
singing out there?
Pretty dope.
Oh, glad I spent hundreds of dollars
so that my brother could have a
romantic evening with his surfboard.
KAI: Hey, this is the only
time we've had together all day.
Beach was blanket to
blanket with tourists.
I could barely get in the water.
Looking out, all I could see was this.
- "Look at me. I'm from Ohio!"
- (LAHELA CHUCKLES)
Why do they all do it like that?
No clue.
Even the most beginner surfers
from Hawaii sit on their boards,
waiting for their waves.
KAI: Guess it's 'cause we grew up
watching people do it the right way.
Wait.
Do that again.
- The dumb tourist thing?
- Yeah.
Cheesecake Factory. Go Packers!
Locking all the
doors to my house ♪
I'm alone in my head ♪
But I wish you were in my bed ♪
Can't get a read on myself ♪
Gotta change this situation ♪
Something in the way
that I felt when I woke up ♪
Told me that I shouldn't
give in Give up hope ♪
Told me that shouldn't
fight what I felt ♪
Told me I should not let go ♪
'Cause now I'm in it ♪
But I've been trying to
find my way back for a minute ♪
Damn, I'm in it ♪
And I've been trying to
find my way back for a minute ♪
But I can't feel it, oh ♪
- Did you surf?
- What?
Before you were paralyzed, did you surf?
Yeah, the day before, but
it was just my first lesson.
- I didn't wipe out or anything
- It's surfer's myelopathy.
It's an extremely rare condition,
only about 50 cases worldwide.
And most of them happened
right here in Hawaii.
When the back's hyperextended,
a blood vessel leading to
the spine becomes kinked,
depriving the spinal cord of oxygen.
Hold up. Only 50 cases worldwide?
Wow, Lahela. I'm
That's a tough diagnosis.
How did you figure it out?
I just read all 578 patient reports
of spinal cord injuries ever
treated in this hospital.
- You just read all of that?
- What?
Yeah. And found this guy in
2008, and then 2003, and more.
Surfing lessons mentioned
in almost all of them.
Here I was, thinking Caleb
might have Guillain-Barre,
turns out it was a spinal stroke.
Excuse me. I want a spinal
angio with intra-arterial tPA,
start methylprednisolone
- and up his IV fluids.
- Yes, doctor.
I'm gonna induce hypertension to
improve blood flow to his spine.
Really?
- What does that mean?
- (SIGHS)
It's like if your phone
battery was really low,
and you found a really fast charger.
I'm gonna do that, with
oxygen and your spine.
(SHARP EXHALE)
(NOELANI CHUCKLES)
(TRANQUIL MUSIC)
(WAVES CRASHING)
No. No, no, no, no, no.
No, no, no, no.
(BRIAN BREATHES HEAVILY)
What are you doing?
I lost my manhood. My chest
hair is gone. Help me find it.
Can't. Dad actually inspired me to
sign up for a hip-hop dance class.
Okay. If I were a chest
hair, where would I be?
Not on your chest.
BRIAN: No, no, no.
No, no, no, no, no.
Good morning, Caleb. How
has treatment been going?
Check this out.
(INHALES)
(EXHALES DEEPLY)
- Oh, my god.
- (CALEB CHUCKLES)
You're walking!
Look at you! Go, Caleb!
(APPLAUSE).
Thank you, Dr. Kamealoha.
Oh, you're welcome. Really.
It's so good to see you up and about.
And I'm hopeful you will
make a full recovery.
So when physical
therapy clears you,
you can hike, climb
Stairway to Heaven,
maybe even take a second surf lesson.
Oh, one was enough.
Hey, I'm so happy
to be on my feet
again, I may just
keep walking for a bit.
Might as well see
Hawaii out of these
hospital windows
while I'm here, right?
Just take it slow.
Thanks again, Doctor.
(LIGHT MUSIC)
Lahela, you cracked it.
(CLARA CHUCKLES)
CLARA: This is amazing.
We're getting a shave ice
to celebrate. (SOFT CHUCKLE)
I feel like I'm doing
really great as a doctor,
but sucking everywhere else.
Oh, I know that feeling.
I just wish relationships
were more like science.
Oh, yes, that's my kid.
Science is clean.
- It's easy.
- Linear.
Like nucleotides linked into chains.
Yes.
I don't get it. I
thought Walter liked me.
But I set up this whole
romantic night and
he didn't even care.
Well, maybe you should just talk to him.
That's what I said.
Plus, you may be half me,
but you're also half your dad,
who's the most romantic
guy I've ever met.
And I'm gonna make sure he knows that.
Ew.
No one wants to hear
about mom-dad love.
Yeah, I know right. Wait.
I said ♪
It's gettin' hot in herre ♪
So take off all your clothes ♪
I am gettin' so hot I
wanna take my clothes off ♪
Come on, give me some of
that Benny Ke Ali'i oke Aloha.
Nope. Can't.
I gotta prep for a flower
Zoom with a dude in Austria.
(SCOFFS)
(MUSIC STOPS)
(SIGHS) I'm sorry.
But, babe, next time you're on
a date with me, just let me know.
Okay?
I love you.
I know.
I just don't want to be
in one of those marriages
where some handsome,
strapping stranger
has to write my anniversary card
because I don't know
how to show you I care.
(CHUCKLES) You don't
have to worry about that.
I feel very loved, Benny.
Not just then, but now too.
- Good.
- Good.
Because you're actually
on a date right now.
- Oh, am I?
- (ROMANTIC MUSIC PLAYS)
(CHUCKLES)
Oh, oh, oh. You're so smooth.
- That's sweet.
- (BOTH CHUCKLE)
- I like that move.
- You do.
(WAVES CRASHING)
(TRANQUIL MUSIC)
I wanted to ask you this days ago,
but I didn't because
I wanted to be
cool, but I'm not
cool, so here we go.
Um, hi.
Hi.
Do you like me or not?
What? Yes, of course, I do.
So then what was last night about?
Honestly, Lahela?
That whole scene was a lot, you know?
The lights, and the big
guy on the ukulele
It all just felt so out of my league.
I mean, you're out of my league.
I was nervous.
Wait. You were nervous?
Um, you don't remember
my weird high five?
'Cause it's all I've been
thinking about since it happened.
No, that's gonna be lodged in
my brain for a very long time.
(BOTH LAUGH)
Ooh, oh, oh ♪
LAHELA: So, it turns out,
love is life's big mystery.
It's not a science,
there's no math to it.
You have to show up, make mistakes,
live through the awkward moments.
Still thinking about that high five.
(SOFT CHUCKLE)
But it's worth it.
Love is this sloppy,
weird, confusing thing.
And I'm so ready to
try and figure it out.