Double Parked (2023) s01e02 Episode Script

1
Well. This is all very exciting, Nat. I
didn't know you and Steph were trying.
- Surprise.
- So, looking at the blood test result and the urine test result here
and the home test, I feel it's fairly safe to
say that you are most definitely pregnant.
Congratulations.
Who's the lucky father, then?
So, I think now is
the time to
Two babies.
Two babies.
- Bit intense, eh? Should I Yeah, really
- Yeah. I just
I don't like my thoughts, though,
so maybe Yeah, I'll turn it back on.
Or something. Yeah.
Let's just get Johnny a present
and then get out of here.
Too much time in tech stores
makes me feel instantly dehydrated.
Hey, babe, do you think that we should, you
know, discuss what we're going to do, you know,
- with before we
- Yeah. - Tell Johnny, or
Yeah, I think
I think we should just tell him,
either way, whatever we decide.
- Ooh, is a tablet a good idea?
- I don't think any of this is a good idea.
- Can I help you with anything?
- We're fine, thanks.
It just needs to be something small, you
know? Something that says, 'Thank you, Johnny.
'It worked twice.'
I really think that we need to
Oh, I know. Yes. A Bluetooth speaker.
Bluetooth speaker. Perfect.
- We'll take that one, thank you.
- Oh, we're doing two-for-one on all Bluetooth speakers
at the moment.
We'll just take the-the one.
Thanks.
- You get the second one for free.
- I said we only want one.
Hey, how about we just, you know, press pause on
this whole 'throwing Johnny a sperm donor party' thing,
and I don't know, you know, sit down, freak
out, have a little cry, maybe talk about a plan.
- Oh, do you not think I'm freaking out?
- Because I am. I am I am freaking out.
- Oh, no, that's-that's-
- That's pretty clear.
Yeah. You just bought a Bluetooth
speaker. It's pretty impulsive.
- I'm the one being impulsive.
- Wow. OK.
- You're not blaming me, are you?
- Steph, we all decided to do this.
Yeah, I was
peer pressured into it.
- Please. You're a grown woman.
- I don't want to do this in the mall car park.
That's what mall car parks
are for.
Nat, I don't know what else
I can say to you.
Like, this was a classic case of herd
mentality. I didn't know what was happening.
And then all of a sudden, I was
squirting Johnny's sperm into your vagina.
Just talking about brunch plans.
Uh, I'm confused. What is this for?
- It's all in the card.
- What are you guys up to?
Oh.
- Oh, does this mean..?
- Just read the card, Johnny.
- Stephy-
- Read the card.
'Cheers for your sperm.
We're pregnant.'
We mean every word.
- Are you serious? - Yeah.
- Yeah, but just before you get
Steph! Steph! Yes! This is amazing!
- Johnny, Johnny, Johnny, Johnny.
- I'm also pregnant.
- You're pregnant?
- No, but you took a test.
I lied. I just-I wanted to tell
Steph before I told anyone else.
- So, you're actually pregnant?
- Mm-hm.
- And Steph..?
- Is also pregnant.
Right now. Yep.
But
Two ladies, two babies,
one Johnny.
- OK-
- You're the
I don't think you can say it
like that.
Well, he doesn't seem to be
getting it.
So, Johnny, we've only
just found out.
Fucking shit. Oh, my God.
- That's more like it.
- What? Whoa! Oh, my God. Oh, my God.
- Oh, my God.
- Please, just be quiet.
- You're both pregnant?
- Lily doesn't know yet. - No.
- What the fuck, guys?
- Look, this is our mess, so we'll sort it out.
We'll sort it out. Yeah.
- Ooh, hey.
- I'm gonna-Ooh, I want to be sick.
- I want to be sick. - You're OK. Just come sit down.
- Sit down. Sit down.
- Sit down. Here. Do you-
- Open your present?
A distraction. It's working
really well for us right now.
- A Bluetooth speaker.
- It's waterproof, as well.
- You can use it in the sun or the rain.
- Awesome.
- Or the shower.
- Yeah, that's cool. Just breathe, dude.
- What are you up to?
- Oh, just curious.
Are you looking at houses?
Oh, my God. You're ridiculous.
- I was raised in a flat.
- Yeah, but not with flatmates, though.
OK.
Maybe now is the time to have that
conversation we both don't know how to have.
I have
no idea where to start.
OK, well, I'll start.
Yay. Well done, us.
Look at us.
OK. Well, um, it's just a little
bit more complicated than that.
And there's, like, a lot to work through before
I feel ready to, like, throw ourselves a parade.
- Dude, we're gay.
- That's what we do, we throw parades.
I don't know how to feel about this,
and my therapist says that that is OK.
OK, so what do we do?
- I don't know. - Yeah, but you always know.
- Yeah, I know,
but I don't know this.
Do you know that there is not even
a Google search prediction for this?
Can we just turn out the lights
and pretend to go to sleep?
Yeah.
Good night.
Good night.
- How's this going for you?
- Wide awake. - Yeah.
Yeah.
OK, so this place will be crawling
with desperate millennials.
Remember, they're all our
competition. No making friends.
Right.
- Hi.
- Hi.
- This house isn't even that nice.
- Say that, but inside, where everyone can hear you
and do not show any interest
to the real estate agent.
Got it. If anyone comes near us,
I'm gonna one outs them.
So how long have you guys
been looking for?
Oh, on and off for a few months, but we've just
gotten serious because our family is expanding.
- Guilty.
- Congratulations.
It's crazy. We just started trying,
and bang - first go.
Guilty.
- Stop it.
- Well, you guys can have this one and we'll get the next one, yeah?
Ooh, you can buy next door
and we can be neighbours.
Never gonna happen. What did I
say about making friends with people?
Babe, we're not seriously
buying this house.
- Why else do you think we're here?
- To look in stranger's bedside tables?
Nat, that strangely attractive straight
couple are not the only ones with a due date.
- They are very hot, aren't they?
- They are, aren't they? - Yeah.
- They're so hot, it's crazy.
- They look like the couple on top of a wedding cake, come to life.
- He's definitely fucking someone else, though.
- Oh, yeah. Hundy, hundy percent.
You'd think they'd tidy their
drawers before people come over
for an open home.
Could do with a mothball in there.
Oh, no. We can't buy this house, babe.
He reads Jordan B. Peterson. It's bad juju.
Huh? Or she. Women have terrible
taste in literature, too.
But no, I actually think this will be good. It
just needs a bit of paint, maybe a sage stick.
And it is in the zone for
two really good schools.
Hey, I'm, um-I'm more than willing to
play along with your lesbian house hunt,
but I think we should, you know,
come up with a plan
before we settle on repainting
the walls 'Sandfly Point.'
- Hey.
- Heya.
Um, I might go and check out
the other bedroom.
Here we go. Look, I'm just going to say
it, OK? We don't need to keep both babies.
I
really should have kept this
conversation for another room.
I just-I don't even know how
we begin to have this conversation.
- Rock, paper, scissors, go.
- One, two, three
- No, no, no, no, no. I'm not playing.
- I'm not playing it. I'm not playing.
- I just-Your baby's more expensive. What about that?
- It's not a handbag, babe.
But I know how much
you wanted this, Steph.
I just-OK, I just keep, like, going
through all these what-if scenarios in my head.
Like, what if we do decide
to just keep one?
But then we lose it. And But then, like, thinking
about yours as a backup is just, like, so horrific.
So to me, it seems like the only
thing that makes any kind of sense
is that
We keep both?
Yeah. Yeah.
But we can't, because
we're not ready for that.
- I mean, we're not.
- OK, let's make a call, then?
- So we just don't keep mine. That's No. Just-I can't hear it.
- I don't-I just
I just-It's awful. I just-I feel so angry that
we even have to be having this conversation.
What are you two lesbians
squabbling about?
- Can I call you that?
- Yeah, totally. - Totally.
- Yeah. We're just-We were talking about the wall colour, weren't we?
- Yeah, like
- What is it? - Is it blue?
- I don't know.
- Oh, I thought I could hear the ocean.
- Oh, sorry. I'll turn it down.
- Is that new?
- Yeah. Yeah. Nat and Steph got it for me.
- Why?
- Uh, oh, I think they just knew that I wanted one.
- What? They didn't get me anything.
- Oh.
Is everything all right
with those two?
Because I feel like there's a real 'Mum
and Dad are separating' vibe going on.
Yeah, I think they just need some alone
time, to do whatever couples do to reconnect.
Like, you know, walk along the beach,
hold hands So they are on the rocks?
- Uh, nah. Nah, nah. They're good. Everyone's chill.
- You don't need to worry. I'm going to go for a run.
So, just, um
What?
Since when do you run?
A couple like that deserves
a house like this.
I bet she does reformer Pilates and then exfoliates
her whole body and then puts moisturiser everywhere,
not just on her face.
I don't know if you resent this
woman or want to have sex with her.
Bit of both.
She's lost it, man.
She's looking at houses and schools
in the area and shit.
- Wait, you're not moving out, are you?
- We were always going to do this together.
Not to mention, all the furniture
in the house is yours and Steph's,
like the vacuum and Steph's hair
straightener that I used for those bro-hawk years.
Nah, there's fat chance of that happening, mate,
because Steph can't make her mind up about anything.
Yeah, I don't know, Nat. Just seems
like a lot to be putting on Steph.
I mean, that's a lot for me. I've
gone for a run four times this week.
- Yeah, but your calves are looking fly, dog.
- Thanks, man.
But you know, just, it's a lot for Steph, considering
everything she's been going through with IVF
No, no, no, no, no, no. Don't you take Steph's
side. You're my emotional support, Johnny.
- She's got Lily.
- Well, that doesn't seem very fair.
- She's very suss, by the way.
- Yeah, I know, I know.
We just have to sit on it for a little
bit until Steph makes a decision,
which will probably be in
another five years.
- Nat, it's your choice as well.
- You can't just put it all on Steph
- OK, no, that's it.
- No more treats for you.
Not until you take my side, like a
good friend should. Get off my chair.
God, sitting there, telling me your
'truths I need to hear', but don't want to.
Have more.
Have you started looking
for homes yet?
Yes. We actually
just started yesterday.
- It's pretty tough out there.
- Yeah.
We were so lucky to get ours
for the price that we got it for.
Oh, wow. You're like one of those
news stories about the miracle millennials
- who bought their first house at 25.
- I was 22, actually.
Good for you. That's-That's lit.
So after looking at your account
and all our outgoings,
unfortunately, we're not going to be
able to approve your mortgage for today.
- W-What? What?
- Yeah, you're what the bank calls a financial liability.
I wouldn't be
too disheartened, though.
Is that what it says? That-That
I am a financial liability?
- Oh, that's what the bank calls you.
- I'm a lawyer.
Like, I can use Excel.
I'm not a liability.
Well, according to the bank
and your accounts, you are.
- So what do I do, then?
- Well, you can always lend through your parents.
Uh, you can get rid of
some of your subscriptions,
- stop getting your hair done Yeah, yeah, right.
- Focus on specific savings tactics.
Oh, God. Oh, God. Please don't say that. I
actually just can't handle listening to this advice
- coming from a fellow millennial, so-
- Technically, I'm Gen Z cusp.
- Oh, Gen Z cusp.
- Yeah, of course you are. Um
Is there anything else
I can help you with today?
Um, no.
No, absolutely not. There's nothing-nothing
you can do for me at the moment, in my life.
- OK..?
- Just so you know, the sound of your nails on that keyboard
is the worst thing
I've ever heard in my life.
OK, so, yeah.
So what was the sound like? Was
it like a crunch or like a crash
- or like-
- It was sort of like a
- I'd say.
- Oh.
- Yeah.
- Thought the whole stereotype about gays crashing was like male gays,
not like women. We're supposed to be able to
drive like, pickup trucks and like tractors and stuff
- cause we're lezzas.
- I was just thinking about other things
- and didn't realise it was in drive.
- That's fine. It's an honest mistake
- and anyone could have done that.
- Thank you so much for your wonderful support, Nat.
I really, really appreciate it.
- Yum.
- Look at this.
Ooh. Oh, wine. Oh, that's a good idea, isn't
it? Wonderful. Just little splash-a-roo for me.
- Shall we say grace?
- Yes. - Yeah.
- Wonderful thing to do. - Can I start?
- Oh, please do, Natalie.
God! This curry is
so good, isn't it?
Yeah. Yeah. And it's, like,
it's hot, but not hot-hot.
I was thinking the exact
same thing, Johnny.
Like it's the perfect amount of
heat for your mouth, isn't it?
- Yeah.
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Really good.
Um, sorry. What's going on?
- What do you-What do you mean?
- What's going on?
- Just having dinner.
- Yeah.
No. Why are you all acting all
happy-happy, joy-joy,
setting the table like we're
Swiss Family Robinson.
- Oh. Don't we do it every night?
- Were we doing that? Yeah. - Same thing we do every night.
It feels-To be honest, it feels pretty
normal to me, what's going on here.
Right, so you're just going to keep gaslighting
me, even though I have a sixth sense for drama
and you're all acting like
you've buried a body.
- Yeah, can't we just be happy?
- No, because it's a cover up for something.
It's just like that time you told me my resin
art was so good that I should sell it online.
- I love the piece that you made me.
- I spent money on a business Instagram account.
I'm still running sponsored posts
that I don't know how to stop.
Sorry about that, but
This is-This is nothing
that concerns you, so
- So there is something.
- No, it's It's nothing.
Saying 'It's nothing'
still means it's something, though,
right? So there is something.
And you know, too. Why can't
you just tell me what it is?
- Maybe we just drop it, yeah?
- Chill vibes only.
- OK. - Yeah, let's just eat dinner.
- OK. So, cool.
So you three just have a thing and I'll
just be left out of it, even in my own house.
You guys would all be
homeless if it wasn't for me.
Remember that. Just remember that.
- She wants one of us to go after her.
- Yeah.
- Obviously.
- Bags not. - Sorry.
Hi.
I just feel like it's really unfair that nobody in
this house trusts me, when I hardly ever gossip.
- Lily, you gossip all the time.
- Yeah, sure about other people's stuff.
But I keep most of
our stuff private.
Most of it? Yeah. That's kind of
a case in point right there.
Everybody cooling off OK out here?
Need to go and talk it out in the
Big Brother cam, or..?
Look, I just feel like it is pretty disrespectful
of you guys to keep something private
- when I tell you guys everything.
- Uh, well, you give it up willingly.
I know you're looking
at open homes.
- What? How do you know that?
- Sorry. - Johnny.
And I know something's been going
on. You know, it's big stuff for you guys,
but we said we were in this together.
- Well-
- Nat, no.
- No.
- Oh, my God. Wait.
- Here we go.
- Are you fucking pregnant?
- Oh my God.
- Take her batteries out.
I'm going to be a godmother.
- We can discuss that.
- Oh, my God. This is huge. Oh, come here.
- I'm also pregnant.
- Nat. Jesus Christ. - What?
Yeah.
- Oh, my God. Stop.
- Lily, stop. Stop! Shh.
Oh! Oh, wait. Is this all
from my birthday night?
Yeah, we were just kind of holding back from telling
you because we weren't sure what we're going to do,
but we're-we're going to do this.
- We are?
- Yeah.
We're going to have both babies.
Oh, and they're probably going
to have the same birthday as me.
Nope, you are missing
a whole nine months there, babe.
Oh.
OK. I appreciate that you're
excited, but we need to
- Go inside, yeah.
- Just reduce the volume.
- Wait, wait, wait. Yes.
- Yes. Where's my phone? I need to take a photo.
OK, yes. OK, I want glamour,
back. Can I just, sort of Yeah. Nice.
- Yeah. Look into the distance.
- You know? It's like. - That's crazy.
- Oh, that's actually pretty cute.
- Oh, can't believe it.
Yeah. Nice.
Oh, she's under the weighted
blanket. That's not a good sign.
So we're having both babies.
Yeah. That's what
you wanted, right?
Yeah, I-Yeah, I guess it is. I just didn't
realise we'd be going public with it so soon.
I had to tell her.
Steph, what's going on?
Why are you
I made a call.
That's what you wanted, right?
Yep. Let's just leave it. You know, like
everyone knows now anyway, so let's just
- Let's just leave it.
- OK. OK. Cool. Cool, cool, cool.
- Nat, what are you doing?
- No, no. No. - What are you doing?
No, I'm not giving this blanket back until you tell
me exactly how you feel about me being pregnant.
- This is totally out of line No, it's not.
- You're shutting down. You are shutting down,
- and I just want you to be honest.
- This is really unethical. I need this for my anxiety
No, no, no! Tell me how you feel!
I'm jealous.
OK?
God.
It's just
It's just been really
hard for me,
Nat. You know? Like,
these past few years,
everything that I've done
to my body.
And I've really wanted it.
I have really wanted it.
And then, I finally get it.
And
And I steal your thunder.
Look, I'm completely aware
of how absurd I sound.
It's not
This is what I want. I want it so
much. And I want it with you.
But I just
I can't shake this feeling,
I don't know why.
Thank you for telling me.
Like-I mean
Maybe why-Maybe the reason
why is that
you are pregnant. You know? Like
Your hormonal when you're pregnant.
Oh my God.
- I am pregnant.
- Yeah.
- I'm hormonal.
- Yeah.
Oh my God. Oh my God.
I am. I am actually hormonal
right now.
Yes, it's happening.
I shouldn't be laughing.
- Come here. I'm sorry.
- I'm pregnant.
- Come here. Come here.
- That was mean.
That was mean.
- I'm sorry.
- It was mean. - I'm sorry.
We're gonna have babies.
That's so crazy.
Oh, shit.