Downtown Girls (2010) s01e02 Episode Script

One of my friends decided to send me a whole bunch of pictures of my ex-boyfriend, Dargon.
Why? Why would she do that? I don't care anymore.
I mean, I don't need to see a whole bunch of pictures of, like, his tattoos and his muscle-y arms and smile and that golden hair.
You know, all right, fine.
I might care just a little bit.
Fine, I care a lot, okay? You know what? Fine.
I looked at all the pictures, like, 100 times.
I got so depressed, I ate a half a jar of peanut butter.
There, are you happy? That's the truth.
I don't know why he got his hooks in me so bad.
He's younger than me, lives with his parents in Jersey, isn't all that mature, but he is so foxy, and I liked him so much.
And the worst part is, I don't know what happened.
I don't know why we stopped seeing each other, like, what made our relationship collapse.
No clue.
So to torture myself, because I'm masochistic, as if the peanut butter wasn't enough, I have decided to meet up with him today and maybe get some answers.
I don't know.
Figure out what went wrong.
I just hope to God he shows up without a shirt on.
Oh, wow.
[Energetic rock music.]
it's good to see you you've been on my mind I'm really nervous about meeting Dargon.
I have absolutely no idea what to expect.
Ever since we broke up, I have not been able to get his sculpted, inked-up, meaty body off my mind.
And, who knows, maybe he's been feeling the same way about me.
Hey, stranger.
How you doing? Have you been waiting here a super long time? No, not too long.
Aww.
How you been? I'm good.
[Sighs.]
Come on, Shallon, talk, talk.
You want to get a drink? Um, yeah, I think we should.
I think so too.
So when you coming back to Jersey? I don't know.
Weak.
Weak? Damn that smile.
Please take your shirt off.
First time I saw you in months.
Dropping off the face of the earth.
You dropped off my earth.
No, I didn't.
Yes, you did.
Mm-mm.
I--you stopped talking to me.
I didn't stop talking to you.
No way.
You really think that? Yeah.
Why would you think that? 'Cause you stopped talking to me.
I really tried to do things the right way with you.
I, like, deleted all the guys' numbers from my phones, like, Booty calls, anybody.
I was, like, done, done, done.
And then you stopped talking to me.
All right, whatever.
We stopped talking.
Of course.
The first time I actually play by the rules, I ruin a great relationship.
Of course.
Loser.
[Laughter.]
Brought that back in your face.
Oh, you did.
You just brought it around.
God, I can't--I can't defeat you in a battle of wits, Dargon.
I can't.
That's pretty sad.
Well-- I'm not too witty.
[Giggles.]
Yeah, so a little while after that, I started talking to this girl, Nicole.
Are you being serious? Yeah.
It's been, like, near a year now.
Shut up.
Yeah.
That's not right in half at all.
What do you mean? It's June.
We were hanging out, like, end of October.
[Coughs distractedly.]
Stop! Stop.
There's a present for you right here.
On the table.
Take it.
Take it.
Don't say anything.
Oh, God.
She crying? I hope not.
What happened? [Whimpers.]
Okay.
Drink that, darling.
Drink it.
Okay.
You'll feel better.
You can't have a depressed day.
We can't have a depressed darling.
What's the matter? What did he do? Tell us.
What'd he say? We were just, like, talking, and I was, like, I am so awkward.
I make, like, unawkward situations awkward.
It's, like, a party trick.
[Laughs.]
But we were talking, and, like, now he's got some new girlfriend.
Whatever.
He's like, "after you fell off the face of the earth, I started talking to her," and, like, "what does that mean?" You know what, she probably has a ugly inner thigh tattoo-- [laughs.]
That says, "eat me," or something tacky like that.
Maybe it's a poem, a haiku.
I don't know.
We're gonna find you a new boy to date.
It's all looking up.
It's all looking up.
Can't go any worse.
And everything's gonna be rosy.
No, it can only be better.
Take a shot.
Do we get to do a bunch of long division now and humiliate myself in another way? Well, you have to do it naked, actually.
Yeah.
[Laughter.]
What is that stuff? [Laughs.]
Hello, Mr.
Roboto who are you what did you do to the man I used to know? after my Dargon meltdown, my friends have decided to stage a love intervention.
They're gonna pick a guy for me since clearly I can't pick one for myself.
I'm thinking that this would make a great story idea, too, so I'm pitching the idea to glamour.
Can your friends really stage a love intervention? I don't know, but I'm willing to find out.
Pop! I would like to take a minute and make a toast to you ladies.
Oh.
For coming over to help me save my best friend from her own self.
Cheers.
To you guys.
Cheers to a successful intervention.
To successful interventions! We need to come up with a list of qualities in a man that are good and set up an application process online.
Hmm.
Okay.
Maybe a Facebook page.
Like, an invitation to all of our friends.
An invitation, like, to date Shallon.
Should we actually dedicate a page to finding Shallon a boyfriend? Yes.
Is that what we do? I think that's what me make happen.
I think we do it.
All right, so what are we gonna start with here? What are our top qualities? Every guy I've met of hers looks like he's a child.
It's like, "oh, my God.
Happy bar mitzvah.
" Over 24.
Okay, so two.
Physically acceptable.
They can't be an ugster.
No quasimodo.
Um [Laughter.]
How about, um, has a job? Job or-- yes, gainful employment.
This is a big one for her.
Ambition's a big one for her.
Yes.
Okay, does not live with his parents? Yeah.
Okay, good.
Okay, so we have the list.
Now let's just find out if this guy is out there.
So I'm going to be gambling this weekend.
You're going gambling? Yeah.
Where? I'm going to Atlantic city.
Awesome.
Are you going with Jared? Yeah.
It's my birthday present.
[Cooing.]
Well, I don't know how you did it but you turned this boy into a man has anyone I've ever dated not been a loser? No.
No.
No! She has never dated anyone that's okay to date.
Seriously, think about it for a minute.
Do you think you subconsciously just want the drama, and you're, like, attracting jerks because you need something to be like, "oh," to some--something to moan about of a dude? Obviously, the common denominator is me.
I am the sucky constant.
I think there's someone out there for everyone, Shallon, and there's someone out there for you.
Oh, there he is.
[Giggling.]
It's no secret that my dating life has been a pretty big joke lately, but I'm ready to finally try and get it back on track, so I'm hoping Klo has some advice for me.
She's really, really good at telling it like it is, even if it's not what I want to hear.
What do you think has, like, gone wrong with all these boys? There's no feasible reason, like, why you should be single.
I don't know.
We just need to look at all of the past boys and figure out what went wrong and how it went wrong and was it your fault or was it their fault.
We can't make you a boyfriend.
We can make over your decision process.
Okay.
Yeah, if I set my crosshairs on someone, like, they don't have a shot of getting away from me.
[Snorts.]
Mmm, isn't that a wonderful metaphor.
Sort of like a hostage situation.
A hostage, yes.
Sort of like a hijacking of their life.
Oh, God.
This is what I do.
Doo doo I move my feet while finding a man might be my major issue, some people have real problems.
Nikki's boutique has been hit really hard by the recession.
I can't exactly afford to shop there to help boost sales, but I'm pretty sure that between the four of us, we can figure out a plan to get her back on top.
I need to raise my sales, like, 10% from last month, and they're not there yet.
Now I have to come up with all these new marketing techniques.
Like, we're gonna do a party here on Saturday.
Right, that's great.
If you guys could help me, it would be amazing.
I need you guys to help.
But, like, do you guys have any other ideas? Oh, my gosh! We should stage a protest outside the store! Like, a fake protest! Clothes are too cheap! Yeah, clothes are too cheap! I think having-- and I'll pretend that I'm on the news.
I object to women looking this sexy for so little money.
[Laughter.]
Ah, the more I drink, the better this idea gets.
Cheers.
My friends and I are all about problem solving, and the Facebook ad has apparently gotten tons of responses, so now the girls have narrowed things down to the best of the best.
Okay, so these are our confirmed guests.
Ooh.
I like him.
He's sexy.
Isn't he cute? Um, he has quotes from Martin Luther king junior and Charlie chaplin.
Ooh.
He just became friends with a girl named Amber.
Amber alert.
[Giggling.]
All: Ooh! You know, it's embarrassing enough to have your friends make a "date my friend" page on Facebook, but now we're going to interview the select few in person, and there is no way I'm missing out on this.
So I'm disguising myself as my Russian alter ego, sexy Veronika.
She's cute, cunning, and communist.
Translation: Oh, that's so sexy.
The seductress I wish I could be.
Russian man-eater.
Oh, that's so sexy.
My Russian alter ego, sexy Veronika, is tagging along to interview all my possible dates.
Russian man-eater.
Veronika likes to be pimped out to mans, big mans, hairy like bears.
Oh, my God.
If I had known hitting rock bottom would look this good, I would have done it years ago.
We recruited you here to see what you guys are like, and that's really as simple as it is.
Who's first? So this is Jason.
You're from long island? From long island, born and raised, and I live in the heart of Murray hill right now.
I'm running for mayor next week, so get out there and vote.
Ambition: Check.
Are you looking for a serious relationship? I'm open to it if it happens, but, you know, I'm single, and I'm just having fun in the city.
What do you think my friend would like least about you? Like least about me? Yes.
Wow, that's a good question.
I would say that I like going to they gym maybe, maybe too much.
That's a stupid answer.
It's like, "I'm too ambitious.
It's because I'm too rich.
I'm too good in bed.
" And then she's like, "enough.
" [Laughter.]
Leave it to Veronika to say what we're all thinking.
Next.
Well, I actually graduated from school about a year ago, and I was living in Rhode island, where I'm from, and just really figuring things out right now.
I'm at a moment in my life where I'm a musician and thinking about going to law school.
Oh, I went to law school.
Are you ambitious? I'm very ambitious.
Ambitious and articulate, which are wonderful things.
Easy, Victoria.
Remember, this is about me.
I think you're passing with flying colors.
Yeah.
Thanks so much.
Yeah, thank you.
Okay, not bad.
I'll just have to elbow Victoria out of the way.
So we hear you're a photographer.
Most of the photos you posted on Facebook were of yourself.
Are you a model are you a narcissist? [Laughs.]
No.
I used to be a model.
I used to be American eagle model and underwear model.
Ooh, a model boyfriend.
He's got my attention.
I am part canadian.
I'm half canadian.
[Gasps.]
I like him.
I love cana.
Do you eventually want to live there on a farm and raise hockey players? I used to be a hockey player.
Well, it was a pleasure to meet you.
Thank you, Thomas.
Thank you.
Male model? Hockey player? Sold.
Good guy.
Good guy.
I think he's too young though.
Can you tell us, you know, a little bit about yourself? Something interesting? I'm in advertising.
I do strategy.
Does success scare you? No.
Oh, that's a good question.
No.
But only if it doesn't scare her.
Oh.
Very cool.
And what's your favorite thing in a woman? The ability to argue well, to articulate herself.
Argue back.
Wow, even Veronika is left speechless.
It was a pleasure.
Good to meet you.
Right.
Bye, guys.
I was trying to kiss him on the cheek.
I wasn't tall enough.
I kissed him on the neck.
Oh, I'm so awkward.
I told you I make unawkward situations awkward.
Those guys were all hot, although some more than others.
I cannot wait to see who my friends pick for me.
We're having a big sale at the Nikki Laura boutique.
So we're all gonna flex our retail muscles in hopes of getting Nikki's business back on track.
Hi, how are you? You want some champagne? Business 101.
All: Cheers.
Drunk clients equal higher sales.
Cheers, guys.
Whoo! Thank you very much.
Are you selling lots of stuff? I think so.
Now we are.
Do you want to try it? This is the two.
I can change if you'd like.
Are you selling the clothes off your back right now.
I always do.
Here you go.
Thank you so much.
So, Shallon, you excited about your date? Who am I going on a date with tonight? Will you tell me? Tell me! I hope it's Bryan.
Why? He said he wants a girl who's, like, sassy and feisty.
No, he looks like Dawson from Dawson's creek if he were in a gay porn.
[Laughter.]
I wonder how Gurj is enjoying Atlantic city? I want to call her and tell her about my date.
[Phone trilling.]
Hi.
We miss you.
How's Atlantic city? Hi! [Laughter.]
The girls came up with, like, some idea to find me a new guy, so they're setting me up on a blind date with one of them tonight, so I have to like go and change.
I have no idea.
I don't know who he is.
I don't know where we're going.
I know that I'm gonna be nervous and probably say a lot of stupid things, but [Laughing.]
Well, I'm gonna go get ready for my date.
We wanted to check in.
We miss you.
Okay, we'll see you soon.
Bye! Bye.
I'm actually really nervous to see who my friends picked for me, but if it's the suit who can't stop working out, I am leaving.
Hi.
How's it going? [Gasps.]
Yes, it's Bryan.
Oh, I love my friends.
I'm Shallon.
Hi, I'm Bryan.
It's good to meet you.
Nice to meet you.
Did you ride here? I did.
On what? Bicycle? Vespa? Uh, well, no.
On a motorcycle.
Really? Does it have a sidecar? It does not have a sidecar.
Okay, well this has been fun, but [Laughs.]
So where you from? I am from Southern California.
Southern California.
Mm-hmm.
And you have come here for career, or you have come here for Yup, career.
I write books and screenplays, and I write for some websites and stuff like that.
So you write a lot.
I write a lot.
What made you come here? Same thing? Work, yeah.
I took a job here.
Where'd you come from? I was in grad school in Virginia, and when I graduated, I went sailing for a couple months.
Really? Yeah.
So do I look familiar at all to you? Uh, no.
No? You don't.
I don't look familiar at all? Oh, I see.
I see.
That was pretty good.
So why the necessity? Why the necessity to be so tricky? Because I don't trust my friends, quite honestly.
I want to see what they're up to, but I didn't have a choice in who they set me up with.
You didn't have any say in it.
No.
Oh.
But I'm glad.
I'm glad.
Well, I hope it works out for you.
Oh, yeah, me too.
I hope you can stay optimistic for this.
Oh, shut up.
Well, cheers.
Cheers.
Now, normally, I would overstay my welcome, have five more drinks, and end up flat on my face, but in the spirit of being the new and improved Shallon, I'm quitting while I'm ahead.
Well, I'm going to go.
Okay.
All right.
Well, it was good meeting you.
It was good meeting you too.
I'll walk you out.
I'll show you my bike.
Oh, okay, the fictitious bike? Fictitious? Yeah.
If by fictitious, you mean in front of you, then absolutely.
[Laughs.]
Maybe I'll see you again? Yeah, maybe so.
All right, it was good meeting you.
Yeah--oh, my step.
Careful.
Don't fall down.
[Laughing.]
I'm sorry for stepping on your foot.
It's all right.
Can't feel anything in these shoes.
Boots are pretty severe.
Okay.
I'll see you later.
See you later.
I'm an awkward mess.
I kissed him on the neck again.
Oh! Why does he have to be so tall? I'm in love, I'm in love I'm in love like it's the first time I'm not in control [motorcycle rumbling.]
I'm in love, I'm in love I'm in love [cheering.]
He--it's--yes.
It--it was really good.
Uh-huh Don't say but.
Where's the "but?" Yeah, but? But it was good, like, it took a while to, like, loosen up and everything.
We agree that even if he ends up not being Mr.
right, is he Mr.
leading-you-down-the-right- direction? Yes, he's Mr.
better.
Mr.
better? Mr.
better.
That's all we need right now.
That's just the whole point, that you walk away from your past.
It's not that he's Mr.
better, it's, thanks to you guys, I'm miss better.
You-- I am miss better.
Good.
You are miss better.
I think this has been really good for you.
This intervention was very necessary.
Kudos, Shallon.
I'm interested to see what'll happen next time.
My store was a success today.
We did better than last year this weekend.
That's good.
Really? Good.
But not as well as I hoped.
We didn't hit the 10% higher mark, but we did, like, 8%, which is fine, and I'm happy, but, you know, you always like to hit your goals.
I'm getting a text message.
By whom? Whoa! Whoo! Whoo! Whoo! What? [Shrieks.]
What? Oh, my God.
It must be him.
It's Bryan.
No, it's not.
Told you.
"I had a good time with Shallon.
Can I grab her number from you?" [Cheering and clapping.]
You didn't blow it! Yay! Cheers! Nice.
Here's to decision making makeover! Yay! When it comes to your life, handing over the reign isn't the easiest thing to do.
Even if you could use a helping hand.
I mean your friends are your friends for a reason.
They know you inside and out, And as much as you might hate to admit it, They probably understand what you need and what you want better than you understand it for yourself.
Although this does not mean that I'm gonna go over to Klo and ask her for writing advice.
I write for glamour, sweetheart, not cat fancy.
But maybe once in a while it's a good idea to take a back seat and let your friends do the driving.
As long as they are not driving drunk.
Cause that would be dangerous.