DuckTales (2017) s01e02 Episode Script

1 Ah! Good morning, you gleaming bit of bounty.
- Beakley? - I feel I should prepare you.
For what's out there.
How bad can it be? Lid left off the peanut butter.
Errant roller skate left on the stairway.
An elaborate series of cutthroat war games.
Take that.
Dewey, don't yell at your target before you fire.
You lose the element of surprise.
(laughing) Good hands, Beakley.
When I said you should spend more time with your family, I did not mean move them in.
Whoo hoo! Target acquired.
You set traps? It's just a game.
You're not a player, you're a pawn.
Webby, maybe take it down a notch.
- Tell that to my men you captured in Peking.
- What? It's part of my character's backstory.
Grizzled ex-special forces pulled out of retirement for revenge.
What's yours? My guy has a dart gun? Not anymore.
Ha ha! (gasps) The foyer's a safe zone.
The foyer's This is no foyer.
This is a tomb.
HUEY: Oh, my tailbone! (laughing) A tomb.
Sir, this is out of control.
Kids will be kids.
For everyone's happiness, we've all got to make sacrifices.
Um, ocupado.
House meeting now! Life is like a hurricane Here in Duck Burg Race cars, lasers, airplanes It's a duck blur Might solve a mystery Or rewrite history Duck Tales Whoo ooh Every day they're out there making Duck Tales Whoo ooh Tales of derring-do, bad and good luck tales Whoo ooh D-D-danger lurks behind you There's a stranger out to find you What to do? Just grab on to some Duck Tales Whoo ooh Every day they're out there making Duck Tales Whoo ooh Tales of daring bad and good Not ponytails or cottontails No, Duck Tales Whoo ooh (All chattering) All right.
Time for some house rules.
Rule one: My space is my space.
My study, my sleeping quarters.
My washroom.
Rule two: Defer to Mrs.
Beakley for all subsequent rules.
I'm pleased to have you here, as long as it in no way inconveniences me.
Good day.
This may be Mr.
McDuck's mansion, but it's my house.
So my house rules.
Exhaustive.
Comprehensive.
Where are you going? I got unmentionables to wash.
Rule 58: If you need something, ask for permission first.
Did you hear that, boys? Ask permission.
Rule #23: No one is above the rules Donald.
If you had simply asked for assistance, we could've avoided what I'm referring to as the "Undergarment Incident.
" (kids laughing) I can take care of myself.
That is not your decision to make.
You live here, you answer to me.
I answer to no one! - Wait, are they gonna kiss? - ALL: Eww! BOTH: Outside now.
Death Darts was fun.
Again, just supposed to be darts.
What do you wanna play next? Mystery Murder Island, Cannonball Fury? How about a nice, safe nap? Oh, how about Sacky Sack? Or we could go have some real fun.
- You mean - I do, dear Dewford.
It's time for Funso's Fun Zone! What's that? Only the greatest place one could ever imagine imagining! Where your dreams become reality, and reality becomes some crazy kind of hyper-dream.
Where punch refills are free! Funso's Fun Zone Where fun is in the zone Oh, yeah.
That Funso's.
Of course.
Everyone knows Funso's.
Let's go, boys.
Oh.
Well, have fun.
You coming? What? Yeah! Let me get my stuff.
I don't know.
Webby's great for treasure hunting and mine cart chases, but she's not exactly built for every-day kid stuff.
I still see the darts when I close my eyes.
She's been cooped up in a mansion her whole life.
Of course she's gonna be a little off.
But we can help her.
She'll be fine.
All right, Webby, just a totally casual hang-out in the real world.
Like regular kids do.
Play it cool, play it cool.
Whooooo! Hmm.
(humming) Howdy, neighbor.
Kielbasa? I'll just live on the boat while I fix it.
Out of your house, out of your way.
Causing several fire hazards.
If you had checked with me, I could've provided safe electrical hook-ups.
I'm good.
And how would you like to split the water bill? Richest duck in Duck Burg can't spare a dime.
Keep your water.
(excited whimpering) You've been on a bus before, right? Absolutely.
So is it assigned seating or Don't talk to anybody, don't touch anything, don't lick anything, don't go near the emergency brake.
Ooh, ooh.
Ha ha! I'm Webby.
Have you ever jumped a ravine in this baby? Can I try? I'm Webby.
Look, a dog, wearing a bow tie.
Did he tie it himself? Stop the bus! It was a nice bow tie.
- Sorry.
- It's fine.
It's just a short walk to Funso's.
Through the sketchiest neighborhood in town.
Bet it's a faster run.
Race ya! (sighs) Wrong way.
Whoop.
Hey, is that the McDuck brats? - Let's get 'em.
- Uh-uh.
Burger's right.
Ma told us we's only supposed to take down the truck.
Forget the truck.
That's the payday.
Think big.
Sorry, Carl.
Same time next month? Funso's Fun Zone.
Where fun is in the zone WEBBY: Pizza? Games? A pit of balls?! Sweet Webbigail, ball pits are for babies.
Walk with me.
You're in the zone now.
If you wanna get by in this world, you gotta know the people who make it spin.
Josie, new token apron? - Nice.
- (giggles) Your usual table, sir.
Merci, Toby.
Webby, your money is no good here.
What do they take? I have pounds, pesos, rubles.
The oldest currency in the world.
Ancient obsidian rune stones? No, flattery.
Ahem.
I can't tell.
Is that the heat lamps or your natural glow? Oh, Mr.
Duck, the usual? Yep.
One free cup for water, please.
- That's not water.
- It's all part of the system.
You try.
Hey, you.
Uh Ja-nay.
It's Jane.
I'm Webby.
I was hoping you could hook a gal up with one of those free water cups.
You know, fruit punch.
You sure you don't want it for water? Yes, for water.
Fruity water that really packs a punch.
Am I right? I don't know what you mean.
I mean fruit punch.
There a problem here? What did I tell you about handing out freebies, Jane? You pay for that punch, Duck? I was just about to.
Yeah.
Thanks, Webby.
(doorbell rings) Special delivery for D.
Duck.
Come around back.
Portable generators.
Keep your power, Mrs.
B.
This guy is off the grid.
That idiot is going to get himself killed.
Hmm.
Welcome to Funso's.
There's no place finer.
All cool adults must be accompanied by a minor.
Ba blee ba blam! You buyin' this? Uke Or Puke? Behold, the best game ever created! Japanese import.
There's only one in the U.
S.
and I have the top ten score, so I'm pretty much the best in the country.
You gotta try this.
I don't know.
I've never actually played a computer game.
Do you play an instrument? I took seven years of cello.
Same thing.
Oh! Your first strum.
Cherish it.
(computer speaking Japanese) Yes, yes, be one with the flow.
(speaking Japanese) I am both uking and puking.
- Time for - Strangers are danger! Webby, no! I killed Funso.
No, no.
Don't you die on me! My scores.
No!! It's like I don't even know you anymore.
Perhaps we could put your nephew up in a hotel.
In New Zealand.
No time.
Guest bath's a-callin'.
Beakley problem.
- Ow.
- Room for three more? You guys aren't mad I ruined Funso's? Please.
Funso's is a place of magic and wonder and light.
Think fast! Wait.
What's happening? Nope, you're fine.
It's a trap.
I'm sinking.
(screaming) (fire alarm blaring) (nervous laugh) I'm Webby.
You are banned from Funso's for life.
No, please.
I've never been kicked out of anything.
And this is why I said we shouldn't bring her.
Thanks, Dewey.
Funso, take them out.
With pleasure.
Call Ma.
You can't come in without a child.
Everybody out! This is it, Ma.
The big payday.
The perfect scam.
Save it.
What's so important that I don't see an armored car parked out front? May I present our new meal ticket? (imitates drum roll) Scrooge McDuck's family.
(all jabbering) And how did you manage this? Well, we cornered 'em, we captured 'em, and we sent him a ransom note.
You did what? How did someone so brilliant raise such morons? I think she's talking about you.
But Scrooge will pay a fortune to get them ankle biters back.
Do you think he got to be the richest duck in Duck Burg by paying people off? You just painted four twerp-size targets on our backs.
Bouncer, Burger, go wait outside.
What about me, Ma? You're on a time-out, mister.
Who are these guys? The Beagle boys.
They hate your uncle.
Try to break into the mansion all the time.
Are they gonna ransom us? Scrooge will never pay for all four of us.
You're right.
He'll probably throw one of us off a cliff to send Scrooge a message.
Scrooge, the kids! The Beagle Boys! Wait.
Something's wrong.
Much better.
Mrs.
B.
, a brick, a note.
Look who's finally coming to ask for my Help!! What is a Funso? Don't capture Scrooge's brats, Big Time.
Don't stick up the policeman's ball, Big Time.
Tanks don't float, Big Time.
She always treats me like the odd man out - because my ideas are too - Intense? Visionary.
Well, I'll show her.
I'll show 'em all.
That's not something you wanna hear - when you're tied up in a meat locker.
- Startin' with you.
ALL: Webby?! Oops.
Sorry.
I'll just You could slip out of those ropes the whole time? Well, yeah.
That's, like, Being Captured 101.
So why didn't you? Because I don't want you to think I'm weird.
I've been stuck in the mansion for so long, and I'm trying really hard to be normal.
But everything I do is, you know, not.
Normal's overrated.
We need you to be Webby-normal.
I'm gonna break every bone in her body.
Or maybe just tie her up.
We'll see how it plays out.
All right, boys.
McDuck's high-falutin' hooligan Beakley is coming here to take you down.
Are you gonna let her? Mmm No, you are not.
Beakley may be strong, ruthless and unforgiving, but you are the Beagle Boys.
My boys.
It's time to mark your territory.
Do it for your dear old ma.
"Dear Ma Beagle, if you ever want to see your son again" Oh, for cryin' out loud.
You take care of them.
I'll deal with the squirts.
Beagle Boys are slow but quite large.
I'll take the big one and Donald? Give me back my boys! Get off me.
I guess he can take care of himself.
Come on, kids.
I don't have time for games.
WEBBY: Then you're in the wrong place.
Funso's Fun Zone.
Where the fun is in the zone (grunting) (shivering) (grunting) Oh! You can't outrun me.
You know how many two-foot terrors I chased around the junkyard? But I'm not outrunning you.
Whee! I'm leaving you.
Hi, Ma.
Seriously, Big Time? What the Stupid plastic garbage.
Wait, no, stop.
It's a trap! I know, right? Now! Boys! A slipstitch.
Good choice, dear.
Thanks, Granny.
It's okay, Ma.
I tried, and that's what matters, right? Shut up, Big Time.
Why can't we have what they have? Now flip the circuit on the boat's panel and you'll have power.
Thanks, Mrs.
B.
So how does a housekeeper know so much about electricity and Tae Kwon Do? Oh, simple.
I'm a spy.
Nice of Funso's to lift the ban and give us all those free tokens, you know, to keep us from suing them.
Yep, the system works.
So what should we do next? I don't know.
Webby? What do you wanna play? - Really? You mean it? - Any crazy thing you want.
Oh, how about a nice game of Medieval Dungeon of Eternal Screaming? ALL: I'm on Webby's team.