Eastwick s01e02 Episode Script

Welcome to eastwick-- A quaint little town, but look beneath the surface and what you'll find may surprise you-- Women with the power to foretell the future, control men's minds with just a flash of their eyes, or summon the fury of mother nature.
But when a mysterious stranger arrives with the promise of sex and trouble, these women and this little town will never be the same.
help! Help! Somebody help! help! Somebody help! you can keep screaming,rox.
you're just gonna give yourself a sore throat.
I just love harvestfest.
It's so festive-- The music,the dancing, the little skits,fabulous handmade centerpieces.
- Um,what's yours supposed to be? - It's a turkey.
Well,how come it looks like a It does t.
Yep,that is one hell of a va-juege.
It's really lifelike.
It is not a va-juege.
It's a turkey.
It's j uege-tastic.
But don't worry,honey.
We'll just paint it purple,call it a flower.
So I'm,um,I'm thinking that I'm gonna call that divorce lawyer, even though I am kinda freaking out about the whole thing.
Well,if you're not sure,you don't have to do it.
Oh,yes,she does.
Her husband's an unemployed schlub who treats her like ass.
Well,he's also the father of her kids-- her five kids.
So? That means she has to bring him beers while he farts on the couch till the day she dies? Roxie! Look,I know that I have to leave raymond, but it's just scary.
I've never been alone.
- You're not alone,kat.
- Yeah,you have us.
Well,until I get slaughtered in the woods by a madman.
Another jamie dream last night? - Wait,wait,wait.
Who's jamie? - My future murder.
- He just moved here.
- To kill me.
- You don't know that.
- Oh,yes,I do.
Every other psychic vision I've had in the past week has come true, and I'm only getting stronger.
I can't explain it.
I don't know why,but it's happening.
All kinds of strange things have been happening ever since darryl got here.
Ah,that's kind of a leap,don't you think? Co on.
You have to admit,there's something about him.
Yeah,kinda dark,sinister.
- Well,I think he's nice.
- No,no! Darryl van horne is not nice.
He's Peculiar and rude and disgusting and Hot.
And I-I can't put my finger on it, but there's something about him that's not of this world.
Do you think he heard me? No.
No! No.
I think you put too much stuff on that shelf.
And you know what else,miss roxie? I don't think that you're actually psychic.
I think you're just dramatic.
Oh,my god.
Here comes jamie.
He's totallyonna shoot me.
- You never mentioned he was so - What? Um,claw-your-eyes-out hot.
Okay,well,maybe after he kills me,you guys can propose a 3-way.
Don't wave at my murderer! - Sorry.
- Sorry.
How you doing? Good.
I'm jamie.
I just moved here.
Hi,jamie.
Well Okay,then.
He looks like johnny depp.
Excuse me.
What exactly do you think you're doing? Um,the police said the only entrance was through your shop.
I know it's a bit intimate,but I'm sure we'll get used to it.
What the hell are you talking about? Oh,homer hasn 't told you? I just signed the lease.
I'm renting the apartment upstairs.
ÈÙÓþ³à Æ· ±¾×ÖÄ»½à ¹©Ñ§Ï°½»Á÷£¬ÑϽûÓÃÓÚÉÌҵ;¾ ·­Òë: Cayman ¹·Ò½É­ Æß¼Í »ÆɳÎè·ç һˮÔÆÌì ʱ¼äÖá: ¿¨»Ò У Ô: ·¹Õ³×Ó Have you noticed that ever since darryl b ought the paper, he's been putting pictures of himself up everywhere like he's chai rman mao or something? It's very creepy.
So what are we looking for,exactly? Yes,darryl van horneis dead.
I am the one who gave you this death certificate,rember? Yeah,but look what your source scribbled on the back.
I have no idea,and I can't find the stupid article anyway.
Whoever organized these old issues did a really crappy job.
I organized them.
he Y,you haven't told anyone about darryl,have you? No,and I'm dying to,but,you know,journalistic integrity,blah,blah,blah.
- You wanna hear my theory,though? - Yes.
Okay.
Your mystery informant gave us a death certificate for a person named darryl van horne.
Well,this morning,I dug up his obituary online.
He was a baby.
i Don't get it.
Okay,it's really easy to steal the identity of an infant who dies.
All you have to do is find one who was born around the same time as you.
From there,you can go to the d.
m.
v.
And get all kinds of phony identification.
And it's really hard to get caught because there's never any duplicates because that person never actually grew up.
You're telling me you think that darryl stole some poor dead baby's birth certificate and then pretended to be him? Well,it would account for the fact that there's no record of darryl van horne anywhere before 1984.
There's no school records,no i.
r.
s.
Records, no bank account,no parking tickets,nothing.
Well,because he wast darryl van horne then.
he Was someone else.
Exactly.
But then in 1984,he decided to start over, become someone new-- Darryl van horne.
He got a driver's license,a bank account, and then that spring he founded van horne ventures.
Within a year,he became the fourth richest man in new york-- A man with no past.
Heust appeared out of nowhere.
- It's freaky.
- I know.
Am I the best investigative journalist ever or what? Looks like bun's condition is improving.
Her blood pressure and heart rate have stabilized.
And her brain activity's normal.
Aside from the coma,she's healthy.
Let's do some blood work this afternoon - and keep an eye on her liver functions.
- Okay.
Speaking of healthy,hello there,my star patient.
Raymond,why aren't you in your hospital gown? I'm releasing him early due to good behavior.
You ready? Should we,uh,should we go? Uh,well,my shift just started.
And what the hell are you talking about? You heard the man.
I'm coming home.
No,you're not.
What are you talking about? I- I just-- I just got discharged.
Well,then you need to find a place to go.
Okay.
How about,um,our house? Raymond,three days ago,you declared war on me.
You threatened to take my children away.
It is notourhouse anymore.
That was a fight,all right? You were drunk.
I was delirious.
Kat,I had just been struck by lightning,all right? We-- we both-- we said things we didn't mean.
No,I meant every single word.
- I think you're overreacting.
- I'm-- I'm overreacting? - Yes - you accused me of purposely electring you.
I was pissed,all right? I Okay.
Okay,okay.
I have not been the world's best husband.
But almost dying-- It makes you realize things that are important to you,like you,all right? Come on.
I got no place else to go,kat.
you get one week.
- And then you have to go.
- Okay.
- Ooh,stop.
- What? December 1984- - "Like a virgin" hits number one on the charts.
I love that song.
I made it through the wilderness somehow I made it through I was beat incomplete i'd been had I was sad and blue 'cause you made me feel yeah! Shiny and new like a virgin hey! Touched for the very first ti-- Hey,will! We were just doing some research on the old,uh,microfiche.
Yeah,looks like fun.
So,listen,I have this extra ticket to harvestfest, and I was thinking,maybe you wanted to go with me.
It's for a good cause,you know? Eastwick fire department.
Yeah,no.
I can't.
- Are you not going,or - No,no,I'm-- I'm going.
I'm just gonna go alone.
Okay.
Maybe some other time.
- What the hell was that? - Nothing.
The man that you've had the world's most pathetic crush on for the last two years finally asks you out,and you say no? Don't call me pathetic.
I didn't call you pathetic.
I said that your crush is pathetic.
He doesn't really like me,penny.
I did Something to him to make him think that he likes me, but he-- he doesn't.
Trust me.
This isn't real.
Okay.
"august 4,1984.
" tragedy struck eastwick on sunday " when local reside nt sebastian hart drowned in a fishing accident off the coast of eastwick bay.
" What the Ah,roxie,you've arrived,finally.
I have clay.
I have tools.
I am very,very excited for us to begin.
Now as you are probably aware, it was the custom of most serious They wouldfte demeure,or,uh,hmm How should I put this? Have intercour th their subjects in order to better capture their essence on the canvas.
- Nice try.
- Right.
How about just a little light petting,then,before we begin? You think you're really adorable,don't you? I think you think i'm really adorable.
I think you're not as adorable asyouthink I think you are.
Now should we get started? Why don't we start with your head? - yes.
By the way,I wanna thank you for the recomm endation on the kid.
Turns out he's quite a good worker.
I've got him breaking down drywall in the kitchen, and I've gotta say,the boy is very good with his hands, but then again,you already knew that,didn't you? The boy has a name.
Yes,I know,but I just can't call anyone chad with a straight face.
- Oh,speak of the devil.
- Mr.
Van horne.
Hello,boy.
Hey,babe.
You look smokin'.
Ah,young love.
How embarrassing.
Shut up.
- How's mia,by the way? - She's fine.
Has she thought about pursuing that matter? I'd like to help because I thinthat bastard should be made to pay.
She doesn'want to go to the police.
She wants to put it all behind her.
Meanwhile,I personally would like to murder the little freak date rapist who tried to hurt my baby, but I hear that's illegal,so What are you talking about? Nothing.
- You didn't tell him? - Tell me what? It's nothing.
The other night,mia was with a boy, and he Tried to But-- but we got there in time.
It was fine.
"we"? Who's "we"? - Me and - me.
- Gotcha.
- No,no,no,no,no.
- We were not-- - You wanna go out with him,go out with him.
Excuse me a minute.
- Shut up.
- yes.
- Are you okay? - Not now,roxie.
I want you to know iamsorry.
I never wanted to hurt you.
I like you,ro xie.
they know.
They're coming for me,and they're gonna kill you.
We'll see.
who wants vodka? - me.
- me.
- and me.
Well,look who decided to crash the party.
I am shocked.
Now,you ladies,you weren't planning on having a pillow fight,by any chance? - yes? - Nothing.
So I bought each of you a present, because it is rude to show up uninvited,but not if you bring gifts.
So let's get started.
Kat,you're fi rst.
this is to the beginning of your single life.
- That's,um,I-I don't think I can take that-- - I'll take it.
It's silk.
Thank you,darryl.
Scent-- often underestimated,can be an invitation.
It can be a seduction.
It can be a weapon.
It's perfect for the budding investigative journalist-- That you may better sniff out the truth.
- And it's Maurice.
- Yeah.
Oh,boy.
Kat gets silk,and I get maurice.
Well,it's not about the price,my dear.
It's about the quality,plus I was already at the drugstore buying floss.
Now,roxie.
For those blessed with the gift of second sight,these are spirit dice.
Now legend has it that if you roll one,you can see the past.
If you roll two,you can tell the future.
And if you roll three,you can affect the very course of fate itself.
The only problem is the change will always bend toward chaos.
You got thes e at the mall.
Yes,I did.
And the kid that sold them to me assured me that they were based on actual ancient spirit dice, and he had black fingernails, and he wore some kind of a cape, so I think he probably knew what he was talking about.
Can I get a nightgown instead? I would like t o propose a toast to the coming harvest.
As we reap the seeds we have sown,let's hope we've planted well.
Thanks for coming over,even though we had a stupid fight.
You know me.
i' M like a sexual batman.
You call at 4:00 a.
m.
,and I come running.
Damn it.
I forgot to bring a change of clothes again.
Maybe I should have a drawer here.
- A drawer? - Yeah,for my stuff.
I-I see you get dressed all the time, and I never see you open up the bottom drawer of your dresser.
Um My husband's clothes are in there.
i Know danny's been dead for five years,but that's his drawer.
Okay.
Don't give me thatdrawer.
I'll take any drawer in the house.
Why do you have to do this? I'm not asking for a kidney,just a drawer.
I have to take mia to school.
I'll drive you guys,and then we can go into work together.
No,thanks.
See you later.
That went well.
hey.
I,um,ran out of deodorant this morning, so i,uh,rubbed my-- my pits with a dryer sheet, and now I just smell like mountain fresh b.
o.
Anyway,I gotta get going.
No,wait.
Listen.
I was thinking,would you like to have dinner? Oh,well,you don't wanna have dinner with me.
You're not acting of your own accord.
- I'm not? - You're not.
Watch.
I'll show you,okay? Punch yourself in the arm Really hard.
why? Now Walk over here and put your hands on my ass.
Now why did you just do that? Because you asked me to.
Exactly.
Awesome.
Joanna,milton philmont's here.
Great.
Why were his hands all over-- Okay,fine.
He's at the front in the cap.
Milton.
Thank you so much for coming.
I'm a huge fan.
Oh,that's very sweet.
Actually,i,uh,just wanted to talk to you about a specific article.
Oh,sure,I remember most everything I wrote.
Well,do you rember this one? Sebastian hart-- he died off the coast of eastwick in august of '84.
That's awfully strange.
Well,you You wrote another,uh, piece about him an d his attempts to buy the nox mansion earlier that summer.
What? Whoa,whoa,whoa,no,no,this can't be.
No,I don't remember any of this.
Milton Look me in the eye and think back.
Tell me everything you remember aut sebastian hart.
I can't.
It's all Kinda muddled up somehow.
I can almost see him.
He's young,rich,surrounded by women.
You know,I think I was afraid of him.
But for the life of me,I can't remember why.
Ooh,a candle,a rope and a ladder.
I have no idea what that means.
All right,where should we go-- Thrift store or mall? Get off me! Gus,stop.
Please.
Gus! Oh,honey,just ignore him.
It's fine,mom.
He lives here.
I can't exactly avoid him.
Yeah,I know what you mean.
Good afternoon,ladies.
I've been at the library all morning doing research,and I am knackered.
Huh,that's interesting, because I thought only old ladies and perverts went to libraries.
- I'm sorry.
What? - Gotta go.
Real busy.
See ya.
- You ready? - Um,yeah.
I really don't need a new dress.
I'm not gonna go to harvestfest.
Why,honey? Because of gus? - No,I just don't want to go.
- Well,that's it.
We're pressing charges.
I'not gonna let that little ass-face ruin your whole life.
Mom,no.
So that everyone in town can know what happened? So I can be attempted-rape girl? I just want to put it behind me and forget it.
Well,then come to harvestfest.
Honey,don't let him win.
Look,I just need time,okay? I'll go next year.
I promise.
I'm gonna go to justine's and study.
Okay,since you're a high school dropout,would-be rapist, future "dateline" predator who works in a gas station,i'll talk slowly.
If youever touch my daughter again-- Or any other innocent girl, for that matter-- So help me god-- Okay,well,first of all,your little mia is not so innocent,lady.
And second,I may be a high school dropout, but you're the slut who killed her husband so she can bang half the town.
I'd be careful what I say next if I were you.
Aw,hey,don't go.
Hey,we could have some fun.
I hear you like 'em young.
Okay,let's try this one more time.
But I can't remember the words.
I don't want to do this.
Everyone's gonna laugh.
Okay,emily,listen.
You made a commitment,and now you have to see it through.
That's important in life.
Hey,look.
Look,you see that butterfly right there? Yeah? She is just like you.
And all those years you wanted to be in harvestfest-- Well,then you were just a caterpillar,but now it's your turn to fly.
Want to try it again? Okay.
A- tisket,a-tasket a green and yellow basket I bought a basket for my mommy on the way, I dropped it mommy,how'd you do that? Keep singing.
Keep singing.
A little girlie picked it up and brought it to the market yay! - are you okay? - why? Well,that's the fifth time you mangled my forehead.
I'm sorry.
I just can't do this right now.
oh,It's that little skid mark.
I just-- I want to see him suffer.
I want to see him strung up in the middletown square! That can be arranged.
- Don't be creepy.
- Oh,i'mcreepy? C- can we just-- can we just pick up again tomorrow,when I can focus? This is the problem with women.
- Excuse me? - You don't understand the usefulness of anger.
Society trieto force you to swallow it down like a good little girl.
Because if you're angry,you're a bitch, and if you're a bitch,no one will love you.
Well,I say That's nonsense.
I own my anger,thank you very much.
Maybe,but you don't know how to use it.
You need to channel it,roxie.
You need to put it into your art Right now as You need to let him go.
He can't handle you.
You know,I'm getting a little sick of this whole jealousy bit.
Yeah,this Isn't fun anymore.
That's not what you said last night.
I want to be your boyfriend.
Chad,I'm a widow.
I don't have boyfriends.
I have a daughter with real problems.
Ihave real problems.
I - I still keep my dead husband's clothes in a dresser.
And ev ery month,I pay either the phone bill or the cable bill,but never both.
And-- and there's a g who lives above my shop, and I'm pretty sure he's plotting my murder,or else maybe I'm crazy.
No,you know what? I-I take that back.
I am d efinitely crazy.
My life is a mess.
I should be nobody's girlfriend.
I don't care that you're crazy.
I like that you're crazy.
- Well,then you're crazy! - Exactly.
So we're perfect together.
I'm sorry,chad.
You want something I can't give you.
Indian summer.
Freakin' hot.
- That feels nice.
- that nightgown's nice.
Trying to seduce me,mrs.
Gardener? No,I actually thought you'd be asleep by now.
It's just hot.
I'm gonna Miss this-- Putting the kids to sleep, coming out here watching you water the garden.
Oh,yeah,in a skimpy nightgown.
ac Tually,my favorite is you in sweats.
That old eastwick high lacrosse shirt With rips in the collar? I look at you in that shirt,I go right back to 11th grade At the prettiest girl in school-- At the hell is she doing going out with me? I know that it's probably too late, but I want you to know that I'm sorry.
And I wish that things had turned out different.
You're the love of my life.
I'm gonna Miss you.
Me,too.
I mean,did you really think it would be open? It is 9: 00 at night,and bun's in a coma.
I know.
But nobody I talked to can remember anything about sebastian hart,and it's driving me crazy.
All right,well,i'm gonna go home now, and I'm gonna drink a bunch of wine and I'm gonna give myself a bikini wax.
- If you wanna join me-- - What are you Okay,but let's just say this rock here just happened to, like,accidentally go through the window.
Okay,please don't hit me.
Or You could Use this.
So find anything yet,macgyver? This could take literallyhours, and we're probably not gonna find anything.
- Jackpot.
- What? Um,this file here is called "sebastian.
" Holy crap! We hit the mother lode.
Feels so good inside ide,ide when you hold me what? When you hold me and your heart beats and your heart beats uhh.
And you love me oh! Holy crap! Okay,you realize that that dog has probably been starving in here for days? I bet we look very succulent.
Maybe he's not that hungry.
We left the door open.
Maybe he just wandered in off the street.
Look,ei ther way,are we gonna stand here all night? Because if we are,I am totally peeing in that trash can.
Okay,what do you suggest that we do,penny? I suggest that you create a diversion, and then I will go and run and pee and get help.
Oh,you're gonna pee first? That is very thoughtful.
What are you doing? What are you doing? Stop.
Stop.
Well,if we're gonna be stuck here, at least I can get some information.
Nice doggy.
Nice doggy.
Slowly,slow,slowly.
Oh,my god.
That's darryl.
Who are those women? Well,I don't know who those two are, but the one on the end-- That is totally bun.
Quick.
Maurice.
Maurice.
Yeah,one,two,three.
ye Sterday I woke up,and I was so sad.
Today Mmm.
I am happy.
Raymond.
Raymond,I'm not No.
No no,let me go.
Listen.
Listen to me.
- We're not - hey.
We are not We are not back together.
What are you talking about? Last night we were-- look, I know-- I know we have this Passionate connect and last night did mean a lot to me,too, but that's because it was good-bye.
Oh,man.
So you're leaving me now,hmm? you left me a long time ago,raymond.
Ever since you lost your job, it's like you lost your will,and I just And-- and I just feel like i'm doing everything on my own, and I keep hoping that things will change, that you'll change,but I can't wait around anymore.
Mommy! I'm sorry.
Damn it! Mother-- Can I be of any assistance? No.
No,thank you.
Okay,but,um,the way you've got that thing jacked, you're probably gonna crush your skull.
There you go.
Simple as that.
I just s aved your life.
Right.
Thank you.
I've got it from here.
So what happened? Uh,some little pissant slashed my tire.
But I can handle it.
You don't like me very much,do you? - I don't know you.
- Exactly,'cause if you knew me,then you'd like me.
But I know how we can remedy this.
Let me interview you for my book.
You're a write r? yep.
Oh,neither an old lady nor a pervert.
Just a writer.
You know,the last book I wrote was on irish folklore.
I actually got a five-star review online.
Um,of course it was from an old drinking buddy of mine, but he's very discerning.
So what's this one about? This one's about eastwick,actually, you ow,a history of sorts-- Witchcraft and magic.
Actually,I'd like to talk to you about your little statues.
They have this lovely kind of spiritual potency.
What are you doing? There's no scar on your hip.
Well,should there be? Well,yeah,I thought there Was.
Why would you think that? I'm so sorry.
i I guess I was wrong.
Eleanor roement.
You know,I cannot get the smell of crappy perfume out of my hair.
- Did you hear what I just said? - Nope.
- Eleanor rougement.
- who? She and bun started the eastwick historical society together, and I bet that she is one of the women in that photo.
- And you want to know what else? - Not really.
She still lives in eastwick.
Really? I never heard of her.
What,you know everyone in the entire town? - Yes.
- Except eleanor rougement.
he R phone number's unlisted,but she still lives out on route 9.
What do u say? Let's go.
No.
We don't even know if that's her in this picture.
You're right.
But we do know that bun is in the picture, and that she possibly holds the key to not only who darryl van horne is, but what the hell he's doing here, and,you k I would ask her,but she's in a coma.
So all we have is just the possibility that maybe one of the women in this picture is eleanor rougement.
Even if it isn't her,maybe she rembers something.
Or maybe she could tell us that-- that darryl van horne and sebastian hart are the same person, but either way,penny, we can't just sit around and wait for bun to wake up from her coma.
Right? - mom,hey.
- You came.
Yes.
I decided you were right.
I'm not gonna let him win.
Honey,I am so happy.
Good for you.
Where's chad? I don't know.
I think our little thing may have run its course.
Well,that's too bad.
It seemed like you really liked him.
What makes you say that? I don't know.
It seemed like he made you happy or something.
I'm gonna go hang out with justine,so I will see you later.
Coming through.
Is that your entry into the pumpkin contest? No,I just like carrying this around.
So you might be right.
I might not be an infallible psychic after all.
- What do you mean? I ran into jamie today, and he's actually kinda cool.
And some of the stuff from my dream isn't adding up, and I'm starting to think that I might be, you know,a little bit Wrong In this case.
Well,I promise not to say "i told you so.
- You just did.
- Oh,right.
Sorry.
So how's raymond? Well,we,uh,we had sex,and I thought it was good-bye, and he thought it was hello,and now he hates me.
I feel like such an ass.
He refused to come tonight.
Isn't that him over there talking to darryl van horne? What the heck? Good luck,tiger.
What was that all about? I just got my old job back at the factory.
You did? Kat,you are looking at the reinstated supervisor of wicks and waxes for all scented candles.
Not including tapers and tea lights,but Yeah.
You know,I could be at harstfest right now.
I could be getting drunk,eating pie,but instead, i'm in the woods,with you, knocking on what looks like the door of a serial killer.
I know.
Isn't it fun? god.
hi.
So I know you officially hate me by now,but mia said something, and it was actually kind of smart,and it got me thinking.
I don't hate you.
Good.
- You remember melody.
- Of course.
Hello,melody.
See ya.
i'll be here at the bar Drinking.
Can we go now? Please? I can hear the tv.
She's watching "cribs.
" Hello? uh,eleanor rougement? I'm joanna frankel,and,um,this is penny higgins - What's up? - And we work at the "eastwick gazette.
" my God,you're spunky.
You remind me of one of those squirrels I like to shoot at in my garden.
I just wanted to ask you a few questions about,um,sebastian hart.
What about him? Oh,so you do know who I'm talking about.
Well,I'm standing right next to him in the picture.
Look at my breasts.
They were so high back then.
I didn't even need to wear a bra.
Sweet.
I am so glad that you rember him.
Remember him? Honey I was the one who killed him.
Don't make me shoot you like a squirrel.
I'm-- I'm sorry.
I just have a few more questions.
I don't have anything else to say.
Eleanor,look at me.
You will answer my questions.
You really think that's going to work on me? You're hilarious.
So can we go get drunknow? - Yeah.
- Okay.
okay,you can have a drawer.
That's my boyfriend you're grinding on.
that was n't very nice.
She's young.
She'll recover.
- So a whole drawer? - Yep,awholedrawer.
Crap.
I have a boyfriend.
Hey,joanna.
So,uh,I made a special request of the band, so you have to dance with me.
all right,let's go.
so we're dancing, which is kind of like a date.
Not really.
Yeah,but I feel like i'm wearing you down.
I already told you,this is not real.
All I know is that I can't stop thinking about you, and that feels pretty real to me.
Can I cut in? um,sure thing.
So how is eastwick's number one investigative journalist? Finding anything interesting? Yes,actually.
I have some pretty interesting leads.
Well,you just be careful,okay? What do you mean? Well,sometimes it's probably safer To let sleeping dogs lie You know?