Fiasco (2024) s01e02 Episode Script

1
[shrieking] No, no! Abort, abort! Abort!
[engine grows louder]
[woman] Cut, cut!
[Jean-Marc] No,
Raphaël's the one who says "cut."
No! I mean her foot is cut off!
[Raph] Oh, well then, yes. Cut. Cut.
Mag Maggie Magalie,
her foot's cut off apparently!
- Josephine!
- [Magalie] Josephine!
[Raph] Fuck me! Oh, no, no, no, no! Oh!
When I saw that, I said to myself,
"That's it. We've hit rock bottom."
It's my first ever film,
the second day of shooting
It couldn't possibly get
any worse than that.
And as it turns out,
we'd just dipped our toe into
the pool of shit that was laying ahead.
[suspenseful violin solo
over industrial percussion]
[transitioning into synth beat]
[man] Fiasco! ♪
[British man] What a fiasco.
- [door creaking open]
- [footsteps receding]
[Tatiana] You're going to the hospital.
The doctor will take good care of you.
The hospital is close.
Careful.
You know, typically,
I don't hide it when I'm pissed off.
COOK
I just finished grilling
like a hundred pork feet on a spit.
Then that girl cuts off her foot, uh
Real bad timing, man.
[Raph] Holy shit, poor Josephine.
Did you call Nora yet?
- She's gonna fire me, I'm sure. I'm dead.
- Calm down, nobody's getting fired.
It's not like it was your fault.
- Yeah, no.
- Yeah, no.
[Jean-Marc grunts]
Whose was it?
The stunt coordinator messed up?
Well, uh, yeah.
Sure looks like it. [nervous laugh]
Or it could've been that fucking mole.
Yeah! Oh, yeah. It coulda been.
Sorry, Jean-Marc,
but I don't see it that way.
The medics were
really concerned about Josephine.
I thought they said It was a clean cut.
Clean is not a good thing.
Her foot's been cut off.
Yes. It's cut, I get that.
But I mean, it's not completely off.
I don't I don't understand.
In what sense? Uh, below the ankle?
I mean, I don't know the extent of it.
It's not important.
Oh, I dunno. "It's not important."
Sorry, I'd like to get a clear picture.
Well, she's like a size five.
Is that clear enough?
- Sorry, it's just that
- [Jean-Marc groans]
No, but a size five?
I I don't know if you realize.
That's like a child's shoe size, you know?
[Raph moaning]
Excuse me, sorry to disturb.
Did you happen to see Josephine?
She left in the ambulance.
Yeah, I know, sorry. I should've been
more specific. I meant the foot. Her foot.
- Actually, the boot that was on her foot.
- Gabrielle, this is a bad time.
Yes, I know, sorry. It's just that
the costume lady said they're
"They're four Benjamins for each one."
I had to look up Benjamins. They're
400 each and worthless without the right.
So in total that makes about
eight "Benjamins," I guess. So
- In that case
- [Gabrielle] Yeah
[Jean-Marc] Eliott, buddy.
Go and help Gabrielle.
It'll be fun. Sounds like a blast.
Kind of like a treasure hunt. Huh?
- [Gabrielle] Yes.
- Okay, son? All right.
[Gabrielle] See you later.
- Fucking shit.
- [clown horn blowing]
Ah, fuck me. It's the mole.
- [Magalie] Anything about the accident?
- What's he saying?
He says
"Clock is ticking."
- Wait, let me see.
- What does that mean?
- Oh, fuck me.
- What clock?
- It's just a saying.
- [Raph] Talking about time.
Well, what does he want?
To be paid in Rolexes?
No, no. He's telling us time's passing.
He's pressuring us.
This is never gonna stop. Fuck!
What're we gonna do about this mole?
Well, we're gonna pay.
We have no choice.
We can't let that video get out, can we?
It'd be a catastrophe.
I should visit Josephine in the hospital.
Uh, sorry but your priority should be,
as far as I'm concerned,
to tell her family what happened.
- [Jean-Marc] Oh, yeah.
- Me? Of course, me.
- [Magalie] Yes. You have to.
- Fuck me. Fuck me
[Moaning] Oh, shit.
[Pathetically] Okay. Okay.
[Magalie] I'm going back to the set.
Gotta find a lead on this fucking mole.
[Jean-Marc] You're right. You can do it.
- [whir of sewing machine]
- [chatter]
- Hi Ingrid, how ya doing?
- Pretty good thanks, you piece of shit.
Wh yeah,
uh, great.
Great, yeah. Well, great Not really.
I have to go see Josephine's family to
- Hurry up.
- Sorry. Right.
To tell Josephine's family about her leg.
Her foot, actually.
Yeah, that's great.
Let me give you some advice.
Just tell them.
There's no gentle way to break it to them.
Don't be a little bitch. [slurps]
It was amazing to see how well Ingrid
She just knew exactly what to say to me.
She just knew exactly what it was
I needed to hear. Really.
Other than "piece a shit"
or "little bitch," but
[cheesy romantic music]
- Uh
- [Ingrid grunts]
[gasps]
[romantic music trails off]
[cheerful piano music playing]
[sighs]
[chiming]
Well, apparently nobody's here.
[Slice] Really?
- [Raph] Oh well.
- [Slice] You sure?
No. Look.
The door's open.
- Huh? Oh yeah?
- [music stops]
[Slice] Yeah.
Oh, great. Thanks.
Yeah.
[with trepidation] Hello?
[group in unison] Surprise!
- [man] Oh, wait. It's not Josephine.
- [woman] Oh no!
[man] It's Raphaël!
Ah! It's so amazing that you came!
You are a sweetheart.
Josephine will be over the moon.
Ladies and gentlemen,
let me introduce Raphaël Valande,
the great director
who gave Josephine her big break.
- [Raph] Yeah.
- Hear, hear!
[party noisemaker]
Thanks.
[man] Bravo!
Thanks, thank you.
Her big break.
Well, she has potential, so yeah, I just
- [man laughs]
- Hang on, no. Uh, no.
All right, look. I just came here
to tell you, uh I'm here for
Oh, uh
- Mamie, you're here too?
- Yes! Come and hide!
We're having a surprise party
for Josephine's first day! Come on!
Well, uh
Yeah, all right, I'm coming.
[nervous chuckle]
[grandma] Quick! Hide!
Get behind the couch!
[Raph] Oh hey, Marianne.
[giddily] It's great you brought
your cameraman to capture the moment!
- Heh.
- [man whispering] Okay, hide!
- She's gonna be here any minute! Shh!
- Sorry.
[Slice] Raphaël.
What?
You gonna tell them?
Well
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Of course I will.
I'm just waiting for the right moment.
And I really don't want
to spoil the surprise.
[shushing]
The crew was pretty much
still in shock with this accident.
The stunt that went horribly wrong.
[Tatiana] Don't move.
[Slice] But they still had to
show up and go to work
and get this film done.
And the next trauma
the crew had to deal with was the
makeup girl's incredibly bad breath.
- [indistinct]
- Oh my God.
HEAD MAKEUP ARTIS
- There.
- Hey, Ludivine, uh, sorry. Uh
Uh, but
I'm a person who comes right out
and says things, and I have to tell you.
What?
What? Tell me.
You have really bad breath.
That's it.
You're doing that mean thing again,
method acting. You almost got me!
No, no, not at all. It's just
It's just that your breath is really gross
and it's unbearable sometimes.
I I don't know how else to tell you.
It's so bad. Um
It's so bad. How do I explain this?
It's almost as if you've eaten, mmm
batteries or something.
And then, I feel someone staring,
I finish washing my hands
and Christian Bale says,
"Hi David!"
And like, I'm not David, y'know?
He totally thought I was someone else.
- [wheezing laughter]
- He did!
- [bald man] That's too funny!
- I know!
[grandma] What the hell's keeping her?
Wasn't she supposed
to come home after lunch?
Uh, yeah, but she
She's coming back on foot.
Oh yeah, on foot,
uh, I don't think so. No
- She is.
- Uh, no, because
- Yeah, she is.
- Because, the thing is, uh
I I've been meaning to Josephine, she
[everyone shushing]
[Raph sighs]
- [Ludivine] Hello! [nervous giggle]
- Hello.
- How are you?
- Good, and you?
- Good.
- Come and try my special sauce.
- Oh! All right.
- Tell me what you think.
[Ludivine chuckles]
[slurps]
[stifled choking noise]
[strangled] Oh!
Well?
- [forced] It's awesome!
- Not bad, huh?
- Yeah!
- It's one of my specialties.
[grunts]
- From back home.
- Yeah.
I love that about working on film sets.
All the people you meet.
That's why Covid was rough on me.
Less work on sets means less encounters.
And then, I caught Covid.
Nothing happened.
I was completely asymptomatic,
I didn't even know I had it.
[Ludivine] Can I ask you a question?
Actually, it's, uh,
kind of a personal question,
so I don't know if
I I dunno.
- Go ahead, ask.
- Yeah?
- Yeah!
- All right.
[both chuckle]
Um
[sighs]
Does my breath smell?
No I, uh
I never thought so.
- [exhales in relief]
- Go on, breathe. We'll see.
- Oh, no.
- Go on.
- Oh no, no. It's okay.
- How come?
- I feel kinda weird.
- Don't worry, it'll be fine.
No, it's just, I don't know, it's not
One little breath.
Uh, okay, but just a small one.
Go on.
No. It smells fine.
[relieved giggle] You're sure, right?
- Well, I
- [loud exhale]
Didn't lose my taste,
or sense of smell, nothing. Nada.
[Magalie] I didn't find
anything on the mole.
I checked all the making-of videos
from the speech in the caf. Nothing.
There was nothing to go on, but I need you
to take care of something else.
I think that Raph has the hots for Ingrid,
and that is not good.
[Gabrielle] Yeah. Okay.
Uh Yes? So what do you want me to do?
Whenever you see him flirting with her,
just come up with some excuse
to separate them. Keep them apart.
- Ah. Uh Yeah.
- Okay?
- Okay. Yeah. All right.
- Good.
But how will I know if they're flirting?
Well, that's easy.
When you see him getting cutesy,
touching his hair, telling bad jokes,
- making everybody feel awkward?
- Yeah?
Then he's flirting.
- Okay, yeah. I know what you mean.
- Oh, and playing around with his dick.
- Right.
- You seen him do that?
- Yeah.
- That's flirting too.
Okay, that's good.
- Keep your eyes peeled.
- There you are.
- You all right?
- [Jean-Marc] Uh. Here, Gabrielle.
These are my bankcards
to get money out for the mole.
This one's for my personal account.
Zero, two, zero, nine.
And this is my Amex.
Zero, three, one, one.
Take out as much as you can.
Okay, I got it.
I also told her
to keep an eye on Raph and Ingrid.
Because frankly, between you and me,
a director hooking up with an actress
With our mole watching,
that could generate some bad buzz.
Some bad what? What is that?
Bad buzz, Jean-Marc.
Uh, it's it's just bad buzz y'know?
Yeah, it's, uh,
when something bad happens,
bad news spreads
and you get a bad reputation.
- [Magalie] That's what it is.
- Oh, yeah, yeah. I know what it is.
- I'm not exactly a dinosaur, you know.
- [ringtone playing '90s Eurodance music]
[Jean-Marc] Ah, man.
Ah, come on. Where is that fucking thing?
I love that music.
That That song was huge.
Ah
There it is! All right.
[music stops]
Yes, hello?
Mm-hm?
Oh fuck me, I don't believe it.
[sighs deeply]
What is it?
- Jean-Marc, what is it?
- [moans] Fuckin' hell
Fuck, Raph. Are you serious?
Of course they're pressing charges, jeez.
How do you think her mom felt,
finding out about her daughter like that?
[surreptitious music]
JOSEPHINE'S FOOT CUT OFF.
LARIBOISIERE HOSPITAL. SRY.
You put "SRY?"
Yes, I wrote, "SRY."
There was no room left on the Post-it,
but I still wanted to let them know
that I was really sorry.
It's not an ideal situation.
We'll have to get a lawyer.
I mean, we need a defense.
Simple as that, you know?
It's okay. We got nothing to worry about,
right? We did nothing wrong.
No, no.
If those idiots want to investigate
and discover that our stunt coordinator
broke her remote while flying Montreal
to Paris, then be my fucking guest!
Even if it wasn't Tatiana,
I'm sure they'll find who's behind it
and we'll get rid of that mole. Great.
- [Jean-Marc] There you go.
- And once they catch that guy
He's gonna pay for what he did.
He'll get minimum ten years, I bet.
- [Jean-Marc] See how he likes that. Eh?
- Yeah. I agree.
Walking in circles around his cell all day
and getting punched and groped
from great big beefy pricks in the yard.
That'll wake him the fuck up.
- [Jean-Marc and Magalie chuckle]
- Oh, beefy pricks.
No, we can't let them press charges.
[Magalie] But her mother,
Marianne, is really upset.
No, wait.
Sorry. Excuse me, Slice,
could you give us a few minutes?
This is kinda personal. Can we cut?
- [Slice] Sure. No worries.
- Thanks.
Okay, cut.
[Magalie] Thanks a lot.
[Jean-Marc] Yeah. Careful there.
- [Jean-Marc] What's he doing?
- [Magalie] I don't know.
[Raph] Look, I just wanted to
tell you something. That the, uh
- That Josephine's accident was my fault.
- [Magalie] What?
I accidentally kept one
of the stunt radio controllers she needed.
And that's what caused the accident,
why her foot got cut off. It's my fault.
Any other stupid shit you're planning?
- I know. I fucked up.
- [Jean-Marc] Oh brother, holy shit.
This is really bad.
They cannot press charges.
No, no, they absolutely
cannot press charges, no.
What am I gonna do about Marianne?
[Magalie] Yeah Okay. Uh
Is there any evidence to prove it was you?
[electronic feedback]
There's the remote. Yeah. The remote.
- Oh. We have to destroy it.
- [Raph] Destroy it.
[phone dialing]
- Jean-Marc, you with us?
- Huh?
Yeah, yeah. I'm just calling Fabrizio.
We're good friends, love each other.
The first guy I went out with
after my divorce.
- [Raph] That's nice, but
- Yeah. But do you have to call him now?
Well, yeah.
He represents, uh, Amadou and Mariam.
And Raph had said,
"We need Ama Amadou and Mariam."
I Hey, I never said that.
No, I said we Oh.
I said, "What am I gonna do
about Marianne," Josephine's mother.
So she won't press charges.
Ah, okay. Well, look, I'm sorry. Anyway.
It's just too much for me.
I'm overwhelmed.
I don't know what's going on.
- [In Italian accent] Hey, Jean-Marco!
- Hey! [laughs] Come stai, Fabrizio?
[Fabrizio] Bene! Bene!
Okay! Uh. Listen, uh
Do you still manage Amadou and Mariam?
- Si! Si!
- What are you doing?
- I can't
- Of course I do! Tell me why.
Uh, Yeah.
Listen, what're they charging nowadays?
- What're they charging?
- [Fabrizio] Ten thousand.
- [Jean-Marc] Ten thousand?
- [Raph] Whoa.
No, grazie, but no. That's too high,
too high for me, Fabrizio.
- Hey. Where you going?
- I'm going to get rid of the remote.
[whispering] Hey guys,
he's offering 9,000. Pretty good deal.
Sometimes I couldn't believe
how lost Jean-Marc was
Uh, totally on
another planet.
Anyway. I had much bigger fish to fry.
And for once, I was happy
to have my friend Tom around to help.
[Tom yelling] Alrighty.
I'm gonna send this to Poland.
Here we go.
Incoming, Reykjavik!
- Hah! Oh! Shit!
- No, no, fuckin' hell!
- [Tom groans]
- Ah, shit!
Oh well.
At least no one's gonna see it there.
Everyone'll see it! Are you kidding?
It's making noises and sparks
- This is bad!
- [Tom sighs]
Then gimme your shoe
and I'll knock it down.
- Come on, give it to me.
- No. Throw your own shoe.
- [Raph] Wait, what is that?
- Huh?
On your foot. Is that Josephine's boot?
What? No, that's Uh
Why is there only one,
and the toe is cut off?
Well, I'm wearing one at a time
so they don't wear out too fast.
- And it airs out my feet, which I like.
- No, that boot was Josephine's.
- Okay! It's Josephine's.
- How could you do that?
- That's awful!
- Well, she doesn't need it anymore.
Ever seen a prosthetic foot? Ever watch
the Paralympics? They look like spatulas.
She could never get it over that thing.
Stop talking about spatulas!
She had her toes cut off,
and you steal her boot?
No, that's not right. Give it to me.
- [exasperated noise]
- Give it to me!
[Tom] What a waste!
It was my size too.
[Raph] What do we do about that now?
I'll make a ball with my gloves.
- [Raph] Not heavy enough.
- It'll be fine.
[grunting]
- [Raph] In the water. Now what?
- Ah, shit! Ah, shit!
Get it!
- [Tom] Seriously? Come on!
- In the water! Unbelievable!
Everything that shouldn't be is,
and the one thing that should be
is stuck up there. Fuck!
Your sweater.
- No, no, no.
- Gimme your sweater! I can do this!
Drivin' me nuts.
[Tom] Shit!
[Jean-Marc] Wait, that's 50,000 euros?
No, sorry, it's not.
I couldn't take out more.
Your cards are all maxed out.
There's 9,998 euros and 50 cents.
What's with the 50 cents?
What's that about?
Yeah, sorry. I was starting to get
a little hypoglycemic
when I got to the ATM.
So, I got an almond croissant.
Well, fuck. I don't believe it.
Oh no, don't worry about it.
I'm gonna pay you back.
I don't give a shit about your croissant.
I'm talking about the money.
Did you get me one?
Uh, no. I didn't, sorry.
Luckily we still have
a little bit of time.
Ah, we don't,
the bakery is closed right now.
Stop talking
about the croissant, would ya!
I'm talking about the time we need
to get more money, Gabrielle.
Uh, yeah. Yes, sorry. Yeah.
[Tom] I can't fucking believe
our bad luck!
[Raph] No, your plan was just stupid.
Our DNA is all over everything up there,
we might as well put up a sign.
[Tom] You think I'm enjoying this?
That's my favorite pair of pants!
[faint chime]
Look, I've gotta go.
I've gotta get to the set.
But, Tom, I'm begging you.
Come up with a solution.
Get rid of all that stuff.
Yeah, no worries,
consider it done. Go, go.
Raphaël! Come on!
What the hell are you doing? Let's go.
Okay! Raph is back. First positions,
everyone. Come on, hurry please.
- Did you ditch the remote?
- Not yet.
- It's sizzling like bacon.
- What do you mean?
Well, it's up there sizzling.
It's I tried to throw things
Later. Go talk to your actress.
We need to roll.
- Yeah.
- Go on!
Okay, come on! Places please, people!
- Ingrid?
- [Ingrid] You okay?
Yeah, you
[moan] God, I forgot
about the method acting.
I'm going all the way with this,
you bitch.
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
I felt you go all the way.
Into my ball sack. [grunts]
Oh baby. [shuddering groan]
Listen, I was thinking Oh my God.
I was thinking maybe we should
ease up a bit on all of the, uh,
aggressive behavior,
insults and all that, 'cause
I think you've got it.
- You really do. You really do.
- Oh, really?
Yeah. I think that you're immersed
in the role. You're perfect.
Oh! Thanks, I swear, I can't tell you
how relieved I am to hear that.
- Me too.
- I feel like the whole crew hates me.
- It's terrible.
- Oh yeah? Oh no!
[Ingrid] I can feel it.
No, no, they wouldn't.
I assure you, they they wouldn't.
It's fine, you've got her down.
We can stop with all that. Huh?
Cool.
Because you know
I'm, uh
Well, just like everyone else
I like to be liked, you know?
[chuckles softly]
Yeah. I
I'm with you there.
It's normal to think like that.
I'm like that too.
- Like to be liked.
- [both chuckle]
[Raph] Um.
Uh What was I gonna say? Yes, sorry.
I wanted to apologize.
We're running a bit behind.
- But with the accident, it's complicated.
- Of course. It threw us all for a loop.
- It's, uh
- Yeah.
Well anyway, actually I'm organizing a
a concert to boost the morale of the crew.
[Ingrid] Really? Cool! Who's playing?
You have to guess.
[laughs] Guess who it is.
Well, if it isn't a French singer,
there's no way. That's all I listen to.
I don't like English songs.
I don't connect.
- Really?
- Yeah.
No, no, no!
They're French ones and you'll know them.
- And they're [rocket sound]
- Really?
Uh, I don't know. Um.
It's hard, can you give me a clue?
Oh, the lady would like a clue. Um.
They're, um
They're actually
They're Black too. Two! They're a duo.
Black duo.
Ama Amadou and Mariam?
- You got it, I gave you too many clues.
- That's awesome, I love them.
Plus they're great musicians.
The guitarist is so good, amazing.
And he can't even see.
- Malian, actually. But yeah. We're happy.
- Malian?
- Yeah.
- What do you mean?
Well, because you said Cantonese,
but they're Malians. So, anyway.
No, I was saying they're blind.
Oh yeah! "Can't even see."
Can't see. Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah.
No. They can't see anything.
Nothing at all.
No, no, no. It's, uh
So they're Malian and they can't see.
Like a dual nationality, in a way.
[both chuckle]
Bet it's weird at the airport.
Hold on, I'll give you my passport.
Oh no, I'm not Cantonese. I, uh, can't
Then cut to me, I arrive from wherever
with my one passport and
my two good eyes
[Ingrid chuckles]
[Ingrid] Uh
How about you? Do you like music?
Yeah, yeah. I love music.
French music, by French bands.
I really like, uh various artists.
[whispering] He's touching his hair
and she looks all weird.
But I guess
they could actually be talking about work.
[sighs] I dunno.
Oh no. Not the dick.
[sighs] All right. I'm going in.
- [Ingrid] Yes! I didn't know
- Raphaël? Sorry.
Uh I wonder. Could we talk for a second?
I've got something urgent
- Yeah.
- to tell you. Yeah.
- If they don't have it, there's also
- Right now, if possible?
- Because it's really urgent.
- Yes, yes. Okay.
- [Raph] Yeah?
- Uh look. Here it is.
Uh, here's what?
Uh yes. Well, they've made you
these sandwiches with ham in them.
[Raph] Okay, good.
And what was so urgent?
Well, um
Uh, since you're Jewish
Me? No, actually, no I'm not.
I'm not, uh I'm not Jewish.
Uh Muslim. Are you Muslim?
No, not that, either.
- Uh, none of them.
- No?
No, no. Really. Look, I've
I've gotta go. I've gotta work.
- Uh, vegan?
- Hm?
A bit vegan?
- No?
- And dairy products?
Are good for your health?
Wait, I don't understand.
You want a slogan? This a game?
Okay, you know what?
Let's make this simple. Uh
I'll eat anything at all.
Okay. Sorry, again.
No, it's okay.
But now I really have to go. Excuse me!
[Gabrielle] 40,000 euros
49,998 euros
plus, uh, what I owe you
for the almond croissant makes 50,000.
Look,
I'm done making these false expenses.
- I could do two years.
- [Jean-Marc] I know. Thank you.
I haven't gotten laid
in three years because of work,
so I'm not about to risk two more.
- Yeah. I I get it.
- Thanks.
[Jean-Marc] The main thing is,
we're gonna be all right. Huh?
At 7:00 tomorrow morning, we just
drop the bag in the trash can in the park,
and the mole will destroy the video.
[clown horn sounding]
Ah. It's Josephine's father.
He just got here.
Coming?
[Jean-Marc] Thank you so much
for coming in so I could talk to you.
Yeah. Sure. No problem.
[sighs] I am so very sorry,
totally mortified
because of what happened to your daughter.
Yeah. It's It's a big shock for us.
[inhales]
That's why I was thinking
that businessmen like us
need to keep things calm.
Absolutely.
We don't need to get everyone worked up.
- Her mother You know how it is.
- All right.
But have you thought of
anything I could do
to help you get through this whole ordeal?
Well, no. Uh
Help me get through? Uh
Nothing really comes to mind.
- You know at times like this
- I know, I understand.
- Why don't you think it over
- [quickly] Formula One.
Sorry?
Grand Prix Formula One.
I want two tickets, this weekend, VIP.
With pit passes. The works.
I haven't been able to, uh
- Okay, I'll
- I was thinking for the trip,
I'll go by private jet.
Easier for everyone.
- It will?
- Yeah.
And when I arrive on the tarmac, uh,
I'd like an escort.
Okay.
A jet, an Escort with leather interior?
I mean an escort, not a Ford.
An escort [grunting suggestively]
Okay, that's what I was afraid of.
Gabrielle, you got all that?
[clears throat]
Grand Prix F1, in a private, uh, jet and
"Whore on the tarmac."
All right. I got it all.
All right.
[nervous laugh] In exchange,
I'll just ask you to sign the document
that stipulates that you won't press
any charges against us.
[man] 232 on two, take one, two cameras.
[Magalie] Quiet on set!
And action!
[old car engine]
Okay. When we get to Brégille,
Ghislain will give us the explosives.
We'll need to be careful.
- We don't want to blow ourselves up.
- You're right.
Not like poor Micheline
at the Villeneuve aqueduct.
She stepped right on a land mine.
Went home with her arm in her backpack.
No, this time it's gotta work.
We've got no choice.
It'll be all right, my love.
- It'll be all right.
- [Raph] Cut!
Sorry! We seem to be having
a little problem with the headlights.
Someone take care of that please!
- [Raph] Let's take a two-minute break.
- [Magalie] Let's fix this quick, guys!
- [Robin] You're doing great.
- Thanks.
[Robin] But if you don't mind me saying,
maybe you should try
being a little more original,
you know what I mean?
More more original?
Maybe, I dunno,
you could try doing it, uh
in a whisper.
- In a whisper?
- Go on. Try it. See how it sounds.
[Ingrid clears throat]
When we get to Brégille, Ghislain
Yeah, just like that.
But even more, do it, uh,
as if you're doing it for yourself.
So, it's kind of like a
confession. That she doesn't dare
admit to herself.
- Ah, yeah, yeah.
- I mean, really charged with emotion.
but in a quiet whisper.
On the tip of your lips.
- Tip of my lips?
- Yeah.
- Okay.
- Who's your agent?
- Catherine Faucon.
- Whoa.
- Well, she's the one that got
- Isn't she a bit old for you?
[duct tape sound]
I can make a call
and get you someone good.
- Really?
- I mean, someone who's really good.
Thanks.
- Want me to?
- Coming from you, it means a lot.
- [Raph] Okay, ready.
- [Magalie] Good to go.
Awesome.
All right. I want really nice, wet rain.
[Magalie] Let's have some rain, please.
I mean really wet rain.
- [man] Rolling.
- Really wet rain!
- [Raph] Yes, that's good!
- [Magalie] Okay, action!
[whispering] When we get to Brégille,
Ghislain will give us
the bag of explosives,
we'll need to be careful.
What is she doing?
She's whispering. Why's she whispering?
Hold on, cut!
Heh. Sorry.
- [Ingrid] We're cut?
- Yeah, what What's going on?
- Uh, what's going on?
- What?
I don't know what's going on.
Do you, Ingrid?
- Because
- We He told me I should whisper it.
No, I didn't ask anyone to do anything.
- I'm just I'm doing my job as an actor.
- [Raph] Yeah, of course.
I react that's what I do.
She's doing these weird things
- [Raph] That was a little weird.
- I get it. Just an idea.
I'll try something else.
- Yeah. Okay.
- [Robin] That'd be best.
And what do you think, uh, Robin?
I don't think at all! I'm just mucus here.
I'm a blob of mucus
you squirt lemon on. I react.
A what?
[Robin] Mucus. Mucus.
- Google it. Mucus.
- [Raph] Yeah.
- Okay. Mucus. Okay
- Yeah. So, what're we doing?
Uh, well, both of you will be be mucus,
but do it in a much louder way.
I think the whispering
was a bit too weird for the scene, Ingrid.
- It was.
- Okay, Raph, let's go again.
And also Oh. Okay.
Obviously he didn't buy it.
You just weren't that convincing, sorry.
When you have an idea, go for it.
All in. You were like wet bag of lettuce.
Now I know why
you're with what's-her-face shit.
Catherine.
Yeah, Catherine.
- [Robin] Fuck.
- [Magalie] What the fuck is going on?
What happened to the power?
[booming and crackling]
- [Magalie] Anybody know what's going on?
- [phone alerts dinging]
[Jean-Marc] What is this?
[Raph in video] My big sausage is
gonna go between those ripe mangos.
- Oh, fuck me.
- [video playing on multiple phones]
My big sausage is gonna go
between those ripe mangos
because she's showing cleavage.
Those sweet mangos!
- [multiple phone alerts]
- [video repeating]
Oh no, no, no. He posted it. He posted it.
[Magalie] Why'd he post it?
I thought we still had ten hours?
[video echoing]
Oh no, I can't believe it. Fuck.
[whimpering] Oh shit.
[British man] What a fiasco.
[rap song playing]
Get up on the scene
Let 'em play the reel ♪
Take the money shot
Make a face to pay the bills ♪
Pilot
All private jets on an island ♪
- I might be a mess but I'm stylin' ♪
- It's a fiasco! ♪
If they came for the drama
Let 'em stay for the Armageddon ♪
They want a cape and some armor
High stakes, models and weapons ♪
Empty bottle prescriptions
Unscripted with lip injections ♪
They want it all but the karma
But I'mma make sure it get 'em ♪
It's a fiasco till the fame ends ♪
A fiasco! ♪
Baby, who can blame them ♪
It's a fiasco and they can't win ♪
I dare another actor
To face me out of makeup ♪
I'll put that hammer to your mirror
Watch it crack ♪
See if the man in it won't break up ♪
Snatch you at your interview ♪
Make you swallow the mic
And the camera ♪
Now you got that inner view ♪
No need to front
If you don't want trouble ♪
I'll bust your fun bubble
Slap you and your stunt double ♪
Grab your manager and slap him too
See what a clap can do ♪
To prove that I will literally
Shoot anybody just to laugh at you ♪
- [music ends]
- [British man] What a fiasco.