Fired on Mars (2023) s01e02 Episode Script
The Book of Reagan
1
Sorcerer: It's a wonder
we've come so far.
Now all that's left
is to traverse the wasteland.
Alas, this is
as far as I go.
Yes, sorcerer.
I bequeath to you Gorlock.
He should be of service
on the journey ahead.
Don't worry, man.
We got this!
I-I'm not worried about it,
Gorlock. Thank you.
Good luck, brave one.
And beware of the bog
of Yarin.
I think
I can handle a bog.
♪
[Wind blowing, horse whinnies]
♪
Gorlock: Whoa.
What do you think
that guy's doing out here?
Silence, Gorlock!
♪
Well, I guess this is the bog
she was talking about.
Yeah, no shit, Gorlock.
Go test it out.
Sir?
Do you want dinner or not,
Gorlock?
[Beeping]
♪
Sir, I'm sinking.
[Beeping continues]
Sir!
[Sustained beep]
Woman's voice:
I feel like a teenager
sneaking around in here.
Mark: Yeah, yeah.
Except teenagers don't drink
50-year-old Chianti.
[Laughs]
Cheers, mama.
[Sustained beep continues]
What's the deal
with that beeping noise?
[Sighs]
Ah, I forget.
When you've been practicing
as long as I have,
you learn to tune
certain things out
Like your wife's voice,
for example?
Ha ha.
Yeah, I wish.
M-M-Mark, can you come
take a look at this?
What is it, pumpkin?
Aah!
Oh, dear Lord!
♪
Jeff: Where are we going?
Oh, we're going
to your meeting, bud.
My meeting?
Easy now, big guy.
[Echoing]
You've lost a lot of fluid.
♪
[Door opens]
Brandon: There he is!
Looking good!
I don't feel good.
Jeff,
we are very excited to be
sharing some news
with you today.
[Coughs]
What happened?
How would you like to be
the next junior
Dreamspiration associate?
Wait
What?
Full disclosure
We're gonna start you off
as an intern,
but if all goes well,
and I'm confident it will
But wh what happened
to me?
Well
you were in the tank
I was in the tank?
You were in there
for what?
Must've been a week or so?
That right, Dare?
Two. Um
Months actually.
Until we hit that little, uh
snag.
Snag?
You actually died, Jeff.
Briefly, briefly, Darren.
More of a technicality, really.
But we're not here
to talk about that.
Stop!
What happened?
Well, um, a lot of things
happened, Jeff.
A security guard
was brutally attacked
uh, a very expensive space hatch
was broken.
That ringin' any bells?
Oh, uh
Huh. N-No.
How about this?
Is this yours, Jeff?
Mmm. Hmm. Okay.
Well, we found it next to
your body out on the surface.
We were super worried
about you, bud.
I-I died.
And thank God you came back
to us swingin'.
You're a very strong person.
Did you know that
about yourself?
I was in a faraway land,
there was a sorcerer,
I had a
faithful companion, Gorlock,
who I hated.
Jeff, my lacrosse coach
used to say,
"You've got to take
every shot you get."
Thing is, he wasn't
talkin' about lacrosse.
I-II just need to go
back to [Distorted voice] sleep.
Jeff?
Hey, Jeff?
If he starts vomiting,
we'll call someone.
♪
♪
[Ringtone playing]
Hannah: It's Hannah.
I can't pick up the phone.
My attention
is fully present elsewhere.
Allow me time,
and I'll respond with kindness.
Beep.
Jeff: Hey. Wow.
I Uh, it's good to hear
your voice
even if it just
is a recording, but, uh
boy, a lot sure
has happened up here.
I-I just can't wait
to talk to you.
To see you!
So, uh, yeah, okay.
Call me.
God, I love you so much.
♪
Knock-knock.
[Door opens]
Whoa!
Hey.
Whoa, whoa. [Chuckles]
I-I come in peace.
Jaxxxxxxtonnnnnnnnnnnn!
Ow. Wait. Hey, man.
What are you doing?
I-I work for Reagan.
I work for Reagan.
You work for Jax.
I'm Jax.
Jaxton Olivier.
[Beep]
Now whisk that.
And make sure it doesn't
drop below 75 C.
Thank you.
Her tea ceremony
usually lasts a half-hour.
That should be enough time
to start showing you the ropes.
Rope number one
lemon water.
Watch closely.
It's a deep, even extraction,
being careful to never,
ever perforate the rind.
Why is the ream quality
so important?
This piece of fruit
has the potential
to become the most refreshing
glass of lemon water
Reagan has ever tasted.
It's an opportunity.
Same as everything else
we do here.
But I think you already
know that.
I actually admire
how you worked the angles
with the whole
Carol situation,
coming in here
with that poster of yours,
angling for that
poor woman's job.
You harness that same fire
working with me?
Next thing you know,
we're clinking glasses
with the top dogs
in Centauri House.
Centauri House?
Premium calfskin
leather upholstery,
old-growth
rosewood paneling,
a veritable who's who of
Italian contemporary design
It's where Mars.ly's elite
rub elbows.
And soon enough,
I'll be a member.
I'm not joking
when I tell you
that I plan on running
this entire colony someday.
Why me?
'Cause why not fucking me?
[Ringtone plays]
Oh, I'm sorry.
Hold that thought.
I actually
I have to take this,
so pardon me for one second.
Reagan: Jaaaaaaaxtoooooon!
[Ringtone continues]
Hey. Wow, God, it's so good
to see you.
Hey. Sorry I didn't
pick up before.
I was just right
in the middle of a hike.
Oh. Cool.
Yeah, I haven't been on
one of those in a while, right?
Ha ha.
Uh
So, uh
So?
Aren't you
curious
what's been going on
you know,
for the last few months?
Mmm, you mean when my partner
of three years ghosted me?
Yeah, I'd say that piqued
my curiosity, Jeff.
I was worried sick!
Then Darren told me you were
in some kind of a spa. Like
What?
No, no, it was a tank.
It was a sleep tank.
But, listen, Hannah,
I-I-I'm just curious as to
I really don't want
to fight right now, Jeff.
The other day, Dignity
kicked my Mediterranean bowl
and tahini exploded
all over my car,
even the seat belts.
Then I went straight
to yoga class,
and at the end,
when we did Shavasana,
I seriously just cried
the entire time.
It was so embarrassing.
I'm on a hamster wheel, Jeff.
I have all this
unprocessed trauma.
[Cellphone beeps]
A personal call on the first
morning of the first day
while learning
the first rope?!
Uh, look, I-I'm sorry.
I just haven't talked
to my girlfriend for months,
and there's a lot going on.
I died, and her dogs
kicked over her tahini bowl.
Bro,
you are out of control.
Neither of us chose it, but
you're my number-one soldier.
And we cannot have
tactical errors like this.
Got it.
Loud and clear.
And here You want me
to get going on
some more lemon water?
'Cause
I'm not sure what's going on
in that coconut of yours,
but you've got
to find some balance.
When's the last time
you saw the baby?
The baby? Uh
you know, I've not had
the chance, but I
I have
I've heard good things.
Go, Jeff.
Get. Centered.
Go see that baby.
♪
Martin?
What are you doing here?
What, you think I don't
appreciate the miracle of life?
No. I-I do.
You don't look too good, Jeff.
Oh, yeah.
Well, I was, uh
I was put into a tank.
And there was a snag with it,
and when
You know, it doesn't matter.
The thing is, I'm fine now.
I-I'm better than fine, actually.
I, uh I got a job!
Uh, in Dreamspiration.
Graphic design?
Uh, not exactly, but I do
still get to flex a lot
of those same creative muscles,
so, in a way, yes.
Um, okay, lemme just
Imagine the colony
is a canvas, okay?
And the Dreamspiration
department, it's a paintbrush.
If that makes any sense.
I know that sounds
a little
No, it doesn't.
They just changed the name
of Human Resources
to Dreamspiration.
Oh, Ted. Huh.
So, Martin, this is Ted.
Yeah.
Jeff's our new intern.
Wait, I thought you said
you had a job.
Yeah, well, uh,
an internship is a job.
I-In a way, it's one
of the oldest jobs
there is, when you really think
about it
because the tradition
of apprenticeships
Jeff, your eye is bleeding.
Oh, that, yeah.
Just a little residual
side effect.
But as I was saying, yeah,
to think back
in the time of castles,
you'd have a blacksmith,
and the only way
to train new blacksmiths was
Shouldn't you be reaming
some fruit or something?
Jax actually told me
to be here.
Jax told you to see the baby
during business hours?
Yeah, actually, and, uh
I wasn't even personally interested,
but Jax insisted be
You didn't want to see
the baby?
Uh well, I
You know I-I
Jeff, uh, I think you need
to get that eye checked.
I think I know my own body,
thank you.
Is that blood?
Sir, you're making
some of us here
feel very unsafe.
My supervisor told me
to be here!
You're making a scene.
I'm just trying to see
the baby, okay?!
Is there a problem here?
I'm just trying to see
the baby!
Ah, I remember you.
Please, sir. This can't
get back to management.
I've had some professional
setbacks this year,
and this job,
it's very, very important to me.
Well, if it's so important,
why were you visiting
the baby
during business hours?
My supervisor told me to go!
He forced me!
Hmm.
Never heard that one before.
Please, I-I don't know what
they're gonna do to me.
Last time
they put me to sleep,
like you put an animal
to sleep. Like, dead, okay?
And it was very bad.
Very, very bad.
Uh, sorry, Charlie.
Please!
My life's just beginning.
I've got this real great job,
and my girlfriend,
she's back on Earth,
and, well,
you know, we're gonna
start a family.
♪
[Sighs]
One wife. Five kids.
And a wily brown Lab
for my sins.
Miss 'em every day.
But now I'm up here.
[Chuckles]
You know
what that's like.
I do.
You know what?
You seem like a good kid.
You got moxie.
Not to mention a killer
left hook with the mop handle.
Why don't you take a hike, kid?
Consider this a warning.
Th Thank you, sir.
I really appreciate that.
Hey, actually, you think you
could give me a ride back to
[Wind gusting]
♪
Hm. Looks like somebody's
been to see the baby.
Oh, yeah.
The baby.
And?
And
well, I mean,
the headline is "wow."
What a baby.
You did see the baby,
didn't you, Jeff?
Yeah! Yes.
A-Absolutely.
You're looking at a guy
who's been looking at a baby.
10 fingers, 10 toes.
Perfect 10.
Epic.
I know I gave you
a little heat yesterday,
but I'll be honest
I like you, Jeff.
I like you a lot.
Ilike you, too, Jax.
So you ready to go
warp speed?
Become my real-deal,
true-blue, go-to guy?
Yes, I am.
[Sniffing]
Fuck yeah.
That's ready for milk.
Jax: So obviously, Nordstrom's
doesn't ship to Mars.
Delete.
College alumni group.
Parasites. Delete.
Here's one that requires
an explanation.
Reagan, and by proxy, myself,
were corresponding with a man
claiming to be Steve Case,
the founder of America Online.
Now, over time we learned
this isn't the Steve Case.
It's a guy pretending
to be him.
Yep. Okay.
He was extremely persuasive, Jeff.
Anybody can get catfished.
They have office towers
in Calcutta full of people
pretending to be Steve Case.
Yeah, no.
I-I-I get it.
The rest of these can be answered
with a few simple emojis
winky face with the tongue out,
margarita glass,
prayer hands.
Uh-oh.
An e-mail from Eilish.
Her daughter. Oof.
And it's a doozy.
Follow me.
If I instill one thing
in you, Jeff,
it's that we must soothe Reagan
by any means necessary.
If we let an e-mail from
her daughter bring her down,
we could lose an entire week
of productivity.
7:30 on the dot.
Like clockwork.
That's how our go-getter
goes and gets.
Easy, now
We'll start with
a little extra O2.
Then hit her
with the good stuff.
♪
[Gas hissing]
♪
[Breathes deeply]
[Laughter]
It's like jazz.
You listen to jazz,
right, Jeff?
I-I have, yeah.
Yeah, you have.
Fucking fireheart.
♪
[Elevator bell dings]
Uh-oh.
We got a bogie
in the elevator bank.
♪
Reagan!
The bioengineering department
can only take so much
of your weaselly bureaucratting
before we blow our corks!
Hubert!
You. Look. Great.
I do not!
Ugh, it's gonna take a lot
more than a blast of nitrous
to mop up this shit storm.
Whoa, Jax.
Wait, what are you doing?
That's what happens to people
who fuck with my peeps.
[Electricity crackling]
You ever read "The Art of War,"
Jeff?
You gotta understand this place
in terms of a battleground.
No matter how quiet and peaceful
it might seem,
there's always a war being
fought beneath the surface.
And every victorious soldier
has one thing in common
an edge.
Shit, if things
really went south?
I got enough plutonium to bring
this whole place
down around us like
[Imitates explosions]
[Imitates gun cocking]
[Imitates
machine-gun fire]
[Imitates bomb whistling]
[Imitates grenade
whistling]
[Imitates explosions]
[Chuckles]
Yep, I've seen a lot of shit.
And you better believe
I keep the receipts.
Ah. You got it all
in the necklace, huh?
You got a keen eye, motherfucker.
Jeff: It's weird. I-I thought he
was just a jacked-up juice head,
but now I realize there's kinda
something special about him.
The two of us, I mean, we're
like a couple of jazz musicians.
Riffing together,
just perfectly in tandem.
Every move we make,
we're in sync together, y'know?
Career-wise, I guess it's
a little bit of a lateral move,
maybe even backwards a bit
but there really is an honor
in giving yourself
over completely
to the service of someone else.
Fucking get it, bro.
I mean,
us two together combined?
We're greater than the sum
of our parts alone.
[Imitates
machine-gun fire]
Jeff:
And more importantly,
it's just nice not to be
such a solo act.
Especially with some
of these long-haul symptoms
I'm experiencing, like
the reduced bone density.
Anyways,
it's going off up here.
I can't wait for you to get up
here and just rock with us.
Well, it's great
you have a friend.
I know that's a really
tricky area for you.
And I'm glad things are
going okay with the internship.
I guess it's better
than nothing.
Ha. Oh, shoot.
I actually gotta go.
Me and Jax are going
to the sauna.
Oh
Cool.
Yeah, it's supposed
to be really good.
Healthy.
Okay, well
miss you.
Yeah, I miss you, too.
Bro.
I just had a fuckin' vision.
This time next year,
me, you, Centauri House.
Nice.
Don't let anyone tell you
it's about the journey.
It's about the destination.
Fuck, man. And tonight's
Cigar Night, too.
Cigar Night?
Once a month, Tee and his boyz
open up the Mars.ly humidor,
and shit
gets fucking ca-ray-zey!
"Tee."
I-I don't think I know Tee.
Bro.
The CEO's son?
Used to be a DJ.
Ah, okay.
Yeah. Hm.
In Europe.
Whoa.
That's right.
The whole package.
Record deal.
Exclusive events.
Then he got the call.
Executive Creative Director.
On-planet. Pfft.
I can't believe you don't know
this stuff.
For one night, the whole world
disappears in smoke,
and it's just you
and the most elite
fuckin' power brokers on Mars.
No accountants,
no administrators, no interns.
Uh
Ah, I'm sorry, bro.
You know I didn't mean
No, no.
I I-It's okay.
I It's It's fine.
Listen, it's just
a matter of time.
Wait, wait, wait, wait.
The big wheel's turning.
Wh What is it?
So Reagan's birthday's
tomorrow.
She likes her celebrations
either so small
no one notices
or so extravagant
it's the only thing
anyone can notice.
O-Okay.
I was gonna get her
a Black Forest cake,
keep it sweet and discreet. But
with an extra set
of hands
maybe we could take it to the
next level, twin-cobra-style.
And when she's all lit up, smiling,
and people are clapping,
I'll point to you and say,
"See that kid over there?
That's Jeff.
Jeff made this.
And Jeff is ready
to go full time."
What do you say, fireheart?
You in?
In.
Okay, we've got six hours to
pull this rabbit out of a hat.
I'm gonna run interference,
surprise her with the spa day
of her dreams.
She's gonna be thoroughly
plumped, oiled,
hot-stoned, and rubbed.
Then she's gonna come floating
through those doors and
boom!
Ground zero for
the best birthday spread
a girl
could ever vision board.
♪
Jax:
"Sweets, cakes, pastries."
Hi. Uh, I'm here to pick up
a Black Forest cake for Reagan.
I'm sorry.
I have no idea
what you're talking about.
Okay, well, can you check?
My colleague Jaxton Olivier,
he placed the order
a few days ago.
All I got's
what you see here.
Plus maybe some
leftover rum balls
from the
Midsummer festival.
Okay, we got Bossy Blue
Dank Queen
Gardena
Scrumptious
Scrumptious.
Scrumptious.
Hey, Martin, you got
any balloons
back there by any chance?
Silver and gold,
if you got 'em.
I got
gold and platinum.
Is that gonna work?
Yeah, yeah,
that'd be great.
Thanks, man.
Here's some fucking gloves,
you freak.
You blow them up.
You can make some
little chickens or something.
Ow!
Give me that.
Jax: Last, but not least,
fresh flowers.
Just talk to my man Di Wei
at the farm.
He knows what Reagan likes.
Hey, uh
Sorry. I'm looking
for some flowers?
Um, just maybe
I-I don't know.
What's
a good birthday flower?
A good birthday flower?
Hmm.
Let me think of a pretty,
pretty flower.
This is a working farm,
not a fucking flower patch!
Please. I need something.
Just anything.
Whatever you got.
And, hey,
I'm a friend of Jaxton.
Jaxton, huh?
♪
Oh, no
No, no.
[Ringtone plays]
No, it's all
This is all wrong.
This is fucked!
I'm fucked!
♪
[Indistinct conversations]
[Conversations stop]
♪
[Gas hissing]
[Breathes deeply]
[Laughs]
♪
[Laughing]
[Grunts]
[Laughs, sighs]
I love it.
It's so random.
I totally get it.
♪
Jax: Jeff?
♪
Reagan, say hello
to the wily sonofabitch
behind this masterpiece.
Yep.
He's been working real hard.
Putting himself to the test.
Ain't that right, fireheart?
I-I don't know.
Yeah, I guess.
Yeah! Fucking fireheart!
[Laughs]
C'mon.
Ah, there he is!
Now, I don't want to speak
out of turn here,
but I think it might be time
for Jeff to go full time.
What do you say, boss?
What do I say?
[Laughs]
Who gives a shit?
Yeah, sure. It makes
absolutely no difference to me.
Welcome to the team, fuckface.
How does it feel?
Pretty good.
Looks good on you.
You know, moments like this
don't come around too often.
You gotta enjoy it!
Breathe it in.
[Breathes deeply]
[Laughs]
[Both laughs]
[Laughter]
[Sniffs]
What is that?
[Laughter]
No.
No, no, no, no, no.
Happy birth ♪
[Distorted voice]
Noooooo!
♪
[Explosion]
♪
Sorcerer: It's a wonder
we've come so far.
Now all that's left
is to traverse the wasteland.
Alas, this is
as far as I go.
Yes, sorcerer.
I bequeath to you Gorlock.
He should be of service
on the journey ahead.
Don't worry, man.
We got this!
I-I'm not worried about it,
Gorlock. Thank you.
Good luck, brave one.
And beware of the bog
of Yarin.
I think
I can handle a bog.
♪
[Wind blowing, horse whinnies]
♪
Gorlock: Whoa.
What do you think
that guy's doing out here?
Silence, Gorlock!
♪
Well, I guess this is the bog
she was talking about.
Yeah, no shit, Gorlock.
Go test it out.
Sir?
Do you want dinner or not,
Gorlock?
[Beeping]
♪
Sir, I'm sinking.
[Beeping continues]
Sir!
[Sustained beep]
Woman's voice:
I feel like a teenager
sneaking around in here.
Mark: Yeah, yeah.
Except teenagers don't drink
50-year-old Chianti.
[Laughs]
Cheers, mama.
[Sustained beep continues]
What's the deal
with that beeping noise?
[Sighs]
Ah, I forget.
When you've been practicing
as long as I have,
you learn to tune
certain things out
Like your wife's voice,
for example?
Ha ha.
Yeah, I wish.
M-M-Mark, can you come
take a look at this?
What is it, pumpkin?
Aah!
Oh, dear Lord!
♪
Jeff: Where are we going?
Oh, we're going
to your meeting, bud.
My meeting?
Easy now, big guy.
[Echoing]
You've lost a lot of fluid.
♪
[Door opens]
Brandon: There he is!
Looking good!
I don't feel good.
Jeff,
we are very excited to be
sharing some news
with you today.
[Coughs]
What happened?
How would you like to be
the next junior
Dreamspiration associate?
Wait
What?
Full disclosure
We're gonna start you off
as an intern,
but if all goes well,
and I'm confident it will
But wh what happened
to me?
Well
you were in the tank
I was in the tank?
You were in there
for what?
Must've been a week or so?
That right, Dare?
Two. Um
Months actually.
Until we hit that little, uh
snag.
Snag?
You actually died, Jeff.
Briefly, briefly, Darren.
More of a technicality, really.
But we're not here
to talk about that.
Stop!
What happened?
Well, um, a lot of things
happened, Jeff.
A security guard
was brutally attacked
uh, a very expensive space hatch
was broken.
That ringin' any bells?
Oh, uh
Huh. N-No.
How about this?
Is this yours, Jeff?
Mmm. Hmm. Okay.
Well, we found it next to
your body out on the surface.
We were super worried
about you, bud.
I-I died.
And thank God you came back
to us swingin'.
You're a very strong person.
Did you know that
about yourself?
I was in a faraway land,
there was a sorcerer,
I had a
faithful companion, Gorlock,
who I hated.
Jeff, my lacrosse coach
used to say,
"You've got to take
every shot you get."
Thing is, he wasn't
talkin' about lacrosse.
I-II just need to go
back to [Distorted voice] sleep.
Jeff?
Hey, Jeff?
If he starts vomiting,
we'll call someone.
♪
♪
[Ringtone playing]
Hannah: It's Hannah.
I can't pick up the phone.
My attention
is fully present elsewhere.
Allow me time,
and I'll respond with kindness.
Beep.
Jeff: Hey. Wow.
I Uh, it's good to hear
your voice
even if it just
is a recording, but, uh
boy, a lot sure
has happened up here.
I-I just can't wait
to talk to you.
To see you!
So, uh, yeah, okay.
Call me.
God, I love you so much.
♪
Knock-knock.
[Door opens]
Whoa!
Hey.
Whoa, whoa. [Chuckles]
I-I come in peace.
Jaxxxxxxtonnnnnnnnnnnn!
Ow. Wait. Hey, man.
What are you doing?
I-I work for Reagan.
I work for Reagan.
You work for Jax.
I'm Jax.
Jaxton Olivier.
[Beep]
Now whisk that.
And make sure it doesn't
drop below 75 C.
Thank you.
Her tea ceremony
usually lasts a half-hour.
That should be enough time
to start showing you the ropes.
Rope number one
lemon water.
Watch closely.
It's a deep, even extraction,
being careful to never,
ever perforate the rind.
Why is the ream quality
so important?
This piece of fruit
has the potential
to become the most refreshing
glass of lemon water
Reagan has ever tasted.
It's an opportunity.
Same as everything else
we do here.
But I think you already
know that.
I actually admire
how you worked the angles
with the whole
Carol situation,
coming in here
with that poster of yours,
angling for that
poor woman's job.
You harness that same fire
working with me?
Next thing you know,
we're clinking glasses
with the top dogs
in Centauri House.
Centauri House?
Premium calfskin
leather upholstery,
old-growth
rosewood paneling,
a veritable who's who of
Italian contemporary design
It's where Mars.ly's elite
rub elbows.
And soon enough,
I'll be a member.
I'm not joking
when I tell you
that I plan on running
this entire colony someday.
Why me?
'Cause why not fucking me?
[Ringtone plays]
Oh, I'm sorry.
Hold that thought.
I actually
I have to take this,
so pardon me for one second.
Reagan: Jaaaaaaaxtoooooon!
[Ringtone continues]
Hey. Wow, God, it's so good
to see you.
Hey. Sorry I didn't
pick up before.
I was just right
in the middle of a hike.
Oh. Cool.
Yeah, I haven't been on
one of those in a while, right?
Ha ha.
Uh
So, uh
So?
Aren't you
curious
what's been going on
you know,
for the last few months?
Mmm, you mean when my partner
of three years ghosted me?
Yeah, I'd say that piqued
my curiosity, Jeff.
I was worried sick!
Then Darren told me you were
in some kind of a spa. Like
What?
No, no, it was a tank.
It was a sleep tank.
But, listen, Hannah,
I-I-I'm just curious as to
I really don't want
to fight right now, Jeff.
The other day, Dignity
kicked my Mediterranean bowl
and tahini exploded
all over my car,
even the seat belts.
Then I went straight
to yoga class,
and at the end,
when we did Shavasana,
I seriously just cried
the entire time.
It was so embarrassing.
I'm on a hamster wheel, Jeff.
I have all this
unprocessed trauma.
[Cellphone beeps]
A personal call on the first
morning of the first day
while learning
the first rope?!
Uh, look, I-I'm sorry.
I just haven't talked
to my girlfriend for months,
and there's a lot going on.
I died, and her dogs
kicked over her tahini bowl.
Bro,
you are out of control.
Neither of us chose it, but
you're my number-one soldier.
And we cannot have
tactical errors like this.
Got it.
Loud and clear.
And here You want me
to get going on
some more lemon water?
'Cause
I'm not sure what's going on
in that coconut of yours,
but you've got
to find some balance.
When's the last time
you saw the baby?
The baby? Uh
you know, I've not had
the chance, but I
I have
I've heard good things.
Go, Jeff.
Get. Centered.
Go see that baby.
♪
Martin?
What are you doing here?
What, you think I don't
appreciate the miracle of life?
No. I-I do.
You don't look too good, Jeff.
Oh, yeah.
Well, I was, uh
I was put into a tank.
And there was a snag with it,
and when
You know, it doesn't matter.
The thing is, I'm fine now.
I-I'm better than fine, actually.
I, uh I got a job!
Uh, in Dreamspiration.
Graphic design?
Uh, not exactly, but I do
still get to flex a lot
of those same creative muscles,
so, in a way, yes.
Um, okay, lemme just
Imagine the colony
is a canvas, okay?
And the Dreamspiration
department, it's a paintbrush.
If that makes any sense.
I know that sounds
a little
No, it doesn't.
They just changed the name
of Human Resources
to Dreamspiration.
Oh, Ted. Huh.
So, Martin, this is Ted.
Yeah.
Jeff's our new intern.
Wait, I thought you said
you had a job.
Yeah, well, uh,
an internship is a job.
I-In a way, it's one
of the oldest jobs
there is, when you really think
about it
because the tradition
of apprenticeships
Jeff, your eye is bleeding.
Oh, that, yeah.
Just a little residual
side effect.
But as I was saying, yeah,
to think back
in the time of castles,
you'd have a blacksmith,
and the only way
to train new blacksmiths was
Shouldn't you be reaming
some fruit or something?
Jax actually told me
to be here.
Jax told you to see the baby
during business hours?
Yeah, actually, and, uh
I wasn't even personally interested,
but Jax insisted be
You didn't want to see
the baby?
Uh well, I
You know I-I
Jeff, uh, I think you need
to get that eye checked.
I think I know my own body,
thank you.
Is that blood?
Sir, you're making
some of us here
feel very unsafe.
My supervisor told me
to be here!
You're making a scene.
I'm just trying to see
the baby, okay?!
Is there a problem here?
I'm just trying to see
the baby!
Ah, I remember you.
Please, sir. This can't
get back to management.
I've had some professional
setbacks this year,
and this job,
it's very, very important to me.
Well, if it's so important,
why were you visiting
the baby
during business hours?
My supervisor told me to go!
He forced me!
Hmm.
Never heard that one before.
Please, I-I don't know what
they're gonna do to me.
Last time
they put me to sleep,
like you put an animal
to sleep. Like, dead, okay?
And it was very bad.
Very, very bad.
Uh, sorry, Charlie.
Please!
My life's just beginning.
I've got this real great job,
and my girlfriend,
she's back on Earth,
and, well,
you know, we're gonna
start a family.
♪
[Sighs]
One wife. Five kids.
And a wily brown Lab
for my sins.
Miss 'em every day.
But now I'm up here.
[Chuckles]
You know
what that's like.
I do.
You know what?
You seem like a good kid.
You got moxie.
Not to mention a killer
left hook with the mop handle.
Why don't you take a hike, kid?
Consider this a warning.
Th Thank you, sir.
I really appreciate that.
Hey, actually, you think you
could give me a ride back to
[Wind gusting]
♪
Hm. Looks like somebody's
been to see the baby.
Oh, yeah.
The baby.
And?
And
well, I mean,
the headline is "wow."
What a baby.
You did see the baby,
didn't you, Jeff?
Yeah! Yes.
A-Absolutely.
You're looking at a guy
who's been looking at a baby.
10 fingers, 10 toes.
Perfect 10.
Epic.
I know I gave you
a little heat yesterday,
but I'll be honest
I like you, Jeff.
I like you a lot.
Ilike you, too, Jax.
So you ready to go
warp speed?
Become my real-deal,
true-blue, go-to guy?
Yes, I am.
[Sniffing]
Fuck yeah.
That's ready for milk.
Jax: So obviously, Nordstrom's
doesn't ship to Mars.
Delete.
College alumni group.
Parasites. Delete.
Here's one that requires
an explanation.
Reagan, and by proxy, myself,
were corresponding with a man
claiming to be Steve Case,
the founder of America Online.
Now, over time we learned
this isn't the Steve Case.
It's a guy pretending
to be him.
Yep. Okay.
He was extremely persuasive, Jeff.
Anybody can get catfished.
They have office towers
in Calcutta full of people
pretending to be Steve Case.
Yeah, no.
I-I-I get it.
The rest of these can be answered
with a few simple emojis
winky face with the tongue out,
margarita glass,
prayer hands.
Uh-oh.
An e-mail from Eilish.
Her daughter. Oof.
And it's a doozy.
Follow me.
If I instill one thing
in you, Jeff,
it's that we must soothe Reagan
by any means necessary.
If we let an e-mail from
her daughter bring her down,
we could lose an entire week
of productivity.
7:30 on the dot.
Like clockwork.
That's how our go-getter
goes and gets.
Easy, now
We'll start with
a little extra O2.
Then hit her
with the good stuff.
♪
[Gas hissing]
♪
[Breathes deeply]
[Laughter]
It's like jazz.
You listen to jazz,
right, Jeff?
I-I have, yeah.
Yeah, you have.
Fucking fireheart.
♪
[Elevator bell dings]
Uh-oh.
We got a bogie
in the elevator bank.
♪
Reagan!
The bioengineering department
can only take so much
of your weaselly bureaucratting
before we blow our corks!
Hubert!
You. Look. Great.
I do not!
Ugh, it's gonna take a lot
more than a blast of nitrous
to mop up this shit storm.
Whoa, Jax.
Wait, what are you doing?
That's what happens to people
who fuck with my peeps.
[Electricity crackling]
You ever read "The Art of War,"
Jeff?
You gotta understand this place
in terms of a battleground.
No matter how quiet and peaceful
it might seem,
there's always a war being
fought beneath the surface.
And every victorious soldier
has one thing in common
an edge.
Shit, if things
really went south?
I got enough plutonium to bring
this whole place
down around us like
[Imitates explosions]
[Imitates gun cocking]
[Imitates
machine-gun fire]
[Imitates bomb whistling]
[Imitates grenade
whistling]
[Imitates explosions]
[Chuckles]
Yep, I've seen a lot of shit.
And you better believe
I keep the receipts.
Ah. You got it all
in the necklace, huh?
You got a keen eye, motherfucker.
Jeff: It's weird. I-I thought he
was just a jacked-up juice head,
but now I realize there's kinda
something special about him.
The two of us, I mean, we're
like a couple of jazz musicians.
Riffing together,
just perfectly in tandem.
Every move we make,
we're in sync together, y'know?
Career-wise, I guess it's
a little bit of a lateral move,
maybe even backwards a bit
but there really is an honor
in giving yourself
over completely
to the service of someone else.
Fucking get it, bro.
I mean,
us two together combined?
We're greater than the sum
of our parts alone.
[Imitates
machine-gun fire]
Jeff:
And more importantly,
it's just nice not to be
such a solo act.
Especially with some
of these long-haul symptoms
I'm experiencing, like
the reduced bone density.
Anyways,
it's going off up here.
I can't wait for you to get up
here and just rock with us.
Well, it's great
you have a friend.
I know that's a really
tricky area for you.
And I'm glad things are
going okay with the internship.
I guess it's better
than nothing.
Ha. Oh, shoot.
I actually gotta go.
Me and Jax are going
to the sauna.
Oh
Cool.
Yeah, it's supposed
to be really good.
Healthy.
Okay, well
miss you.
Yeah, I miss you, too.
Bro.
I just had a fuckin' vision.
This time next year,
me, you, Centauri House.
Nice.
Don't let anyone tell you
it's about the journey.
It's about the destination.
Fuck, man. And tonight's
Cigar Night, too.
Cigar Night?
Once a month, Tee and his boyz
open up the Mars.ly humidor,
and shit
gets fucking ca-ray-zey!
"Tee."
I-I don't think I know Tee.
Bro.
The CEO's son?
Used to be a DJ.
Ah, okay.
Yeah. Hm.
In Europe.
Whoa.
That's right.
The whole package.
Record deal.
Exclusive events.
Then he got the call.
Executive Creative Director.
On-planet. Pfft.
I can't believe you don't know
this stuff.
For one night, the whole world
disappears in smoke,
and it's just you
and the most elite
fuckin' power brokers on Mars.
No accountants,
no administrators, no interns.
Uh
Ah, I'm sorry, bro.
You know I didn't mean
No, no.
I I-It's okay.
I It's It's fine.
Listen, it's just
a matter of time.
Wait, wait, wait, wait.
The big wheel's turning.
Wh What is it?
So Reagan's birthday's
tomorrow.
She likes her celebrations
either so small
no one notices
or so extravagant
it's the only thing
anyone can notice.
O-Okay.
I was gonna get her
a Black Forest cake,
keep it sweet and discreet. But
with an extra set
of hands
maybe we could take it to the
next level, twin-cobra-style.
And when she's all lit up, smiling,
and people are clapping,
I'll point to you and say,
"See that kid over there?
That's Jeff.
Jeff made this.
And Jeff is ready
to go full time."
What do you say, fireheart?
You in?
In.
Okay, we've got six hours to
pull this rabbit out of a hat.
I'm gonna run interference,
surprise her with the spa day
of her dreams.
She's gonna be thoroughly
plumped, oiled,
hot-stoned, and rubbed.
Then she's gonna come floating
through those doors and
boom!
Ground zero for
the best birthday spread
a girl
could ever vision board.
♪
Jax:
"Sweets, cakes, pastries."
Hi. Uh, I'm here to pick up
a Black Forest cake for Reagan.
I'm sorry.
I have no idea
what you're talking about.
Okay, well, can you check?
My colleague Jaxton Olivier,
he placed the order
a few days ago.
All I got's
what you see here.
Plus maybe some
leftover rum balls
from the
Midsummer festival.
Okay, we got Bossy Blue
Dank Queen
Gardena
Scrumptious
Scrumptious.
Scrumptious.
Hey, Martin, you got
any balloons
back there by any chance?
Silver and gold,
if you got 'em.
I got
gold and platinum.
Is that gonna work?
Yeah, yeah,
that'd be great.
Thanks, man.
Here's some fucking gloves,
you freak.
You blow them up.
You can make some
little chickens or something.
Ow!
Give me that.
Jax: Last, but not least,
fresh flowers.
Just talk to my man Di Wei
at the farm.
He knows what Reagan likes.
Hey, uh
Sorry. I'm looking
for some flowers?
Um, just maybe
I-I don't know.
What's
a good birthday flower?
A good birthday flower?
Hmm.
Let me think of a pretty,
pretty flower.
This is a working farm,
not a fucking flower patch!
Please. I need something.
Just anything.
Whatever you got.
And, hey,
I'm a friend of Jaxton.
Jaxton, huh?
♪
Oh, no
No, no.
[Ringtone plays]
No, it's all
This is all wrong.
This is fucked!
I'm fucked!
♪
[Indistinct conversations]
[Conversations stop]
♪
[Gas hissing]
[Breathes deeply]
[Laughs]
♪
[Laughing]
[Grunts]
[Laughs, sighs]
I love it.
It's so random.
I totally get it.
♪
Jax: Jeff?
♪
Reagan, say hello
to the wily sonofabitch
behind this masterpiece.
Yep.
He's been working real hard.
Putting himself to the test.
Ain't that right, fireheart?
I-I don't know.
Yeah, I guess.
Yeah! Fucking fireheart!
[Laughs]
C'mon.
Ah, there he is!
Now, I don't want to speak
out of turn here,
but I think it might be time
for Jeff to go full time.
What do you say, boss?
What do I say?
[Laughs]
Who gives a shit?
Yeah, sure. It makes
absolutely no difference to me.
Welcome to the team, fuckface.
How does it feel?
Pretty good.
Looks good on you.
You know, moments like this
don't come around too often.
You gotta enjoy it!
Breathe it in.
[Breathes deeply]
[Laughs]
[Both laughs]
[Laughter]
[Sniffs]
What is that?
[Laughter]
No.
No, no, no, no, no.
Happy birth ♪
[Distorted voice]
Noooooo!
♪
[Explosion]
♪