GCB (2012) s01e02 Episode Script

1 Hi, all! Carlene cockburn here.
Welcome back to dallas! You're not the only one who just returned.
Aah! Sad, penniless, disgraced amanda vaughn Moved back in with her mama, gigi, After her philandering thief of a husband died in a car crash.
Amanda's the devil herself.
Us girls aren't too pleased to see The former head cheerleader/evil queen.
She claims she's changed her ways, but her first week back, She's already kissed my best friend's husband No! Zack, you gotta get a grip.
Bye! Took a job at a booby bar I'm grateful to my employer.
And humiliated me and my beloved.
God bless ripp and carlene.
Just because we own the place.
Now how many sins is that right there? You do the math.
Amen.
Carlene? Come on, kitten.
You haven't gotten out of this bed all week.
I can't, ripp.
You know, you've never missed a day of church in your life, And you're supposed to sing the solo during the offering.
I can't show my face or my talent In front of all those people, Not after amanda revealed we own boobylicious.
Proverbs 31.
"you are a virtuous woman, priceless beyond rubies.
" I know, But what about our standing in the community, Our reputations as beacons of goodness? There is nothing in this book that says You can't own a booby bar.
Then let's set amanda free from her employment, So she won't be tempted to hurt me again.
I'm not gonna fire amanda.
Now we've given a fallen woman a job.
It's the christian thing to do.
(sighs) (kisses) You will be missed.
Maybe you'd like to come over for a little prayer, Some devotional, a sticky bun? (lowered voice) I can't let zack Go to church alone with amanda unleashed.
I have to protect my marriage from her machinations.
Fine.
Do what you have to do.
(beeps) Carlene, honey, I tried to stop by With some goodies to cheer you up, But carmelita said you weren't receiving.
Bring 'em now.
Oh.
No, I can't miss church.
A former cowboy is leaving dallas, And he's looking to dump his 10,000 square foot condo.
I need to get to him Before another real estate agent nails him at coffee hour.
Well, clearly, you have your priorities.
(call waiting beeps) Maybe this is a friend.
W--car-- (beep) Cricket? Carmelita told consuela you've barely eaten all week.
Miss carlene? It's true.
I'm wasting away.
Listen, I know you're supposed to sing That special offertory anthem Dedicated to amanda this morning I know.
I just can't do it.
Well, then don't torture yourself, sweetie.
I'll sing it.
Carmelita, get in here! Show must go on.
Where are my rubies?! (dogs barking) Good morning, mother.
Good morning.
Mm.
Going to church? House rules.
If I live here, I have to go to church.
And I like it.
Adorable.
Gucci? No.
Armadillo mart.
(bag thuds) Will! Laura! Breakfast! It's the greatest store-- stylish, cheap.
Well, as fashion forward as they might be in Uzbekistan, I don't want you buying clothes for my grandchildren At a store that sells lettuce.
Good morning.
Good morning! Good morning.
Oh, look! Armadillo mart.
Stylin', right? (lupe) hola.
Hola, lupe.
Oh.
Um, eat your breakfast.
Hey, lupe.
Take the day off.
Go ahead.
All I'm saying about the clothes is, Your children now go to hillside "haute couture" high.
You certainly don't want your daughter branded As a "javelina," now do you? What's a javelina? A texas wild pig--mean, ugly.
You can't kill 'em fast enough.
Back when your mother was in high school, She named the cute girls "foxes," And all the not-so-cute girls javelinas.
They don't still do that, do they? Oh, yes, they do.
Perfect.
Gigi, what are you doing? Table seating.
Since your mother abandoned me 18 years ago And ruined my chances of being the mother of a debutante, I'm holding a luncheon in her honor To introduce her to society.
That's sweet.
Be a nice chance for you to network a little bit And maybe find yourself a decent job.
Mother, stop it.
My job is decent.
Why in the hell are you inviting carlene, cricket, sharon? Mother! Oh, carlene probably won't even come, Especially after How badly you embarrassed her in church last Sunday.
Ah, the look on her self-righteous face When I told the world she owns boobylicious (laughs) God, she's such a pharisee.
Well, someone's been reading her new testament.
Nah, I just googled "hypocrisy.
" Things have been kinda quiet Over at chateau cockburn this week.
Maybe things have blown over.
(gigi) nothing ever blows over with carlene.
Be afraid.
Be very afraid.
jesus, take the wheel take it from my hands 'cause I can't do this on my own I'm letting go so give me one more chance to save me from this road I'm on jesus, take the wheel (kisses) (kisses) oh You know, it actually was awfully sweet of her To dedicate this song to you.
"jesus, take the wheel"? Mother, my husband died in a car crash.
she said, "I'm sorry for the way" "I've been living my life" "I know I gotta change" "but for now on tonight" Go.
jesus, take the wheel take it from my hands 'cause I can't do this on my own I'm letting go so give me one more chance to save me from this road I'm on oh, jesus, take the wheel Oh, and there's miss chessy.
You remember her? She's the head of the museum group.
Very influential.
And frusannah and boofie are still alive.
Let's say "hi.
" Look who's here! (chuckles) (women) oh! (woman) look at you! Isn't she gorgeous? Your mama tells me you're looking for work.
Oh, miss chessy, that's so kind, but I already have a job.
Will you ladies excuse us? Thank you.
We'll be right back.
Mother, do you remember 18 years ago When I ran screaming out of town Because you were trying to control me Like a mother from some tennessee williams play? We're not going back there again.
I, uh-- mother.
Got something on your tie.
Looks tomato-based.
(inhales deeply) (liquid pouring) Vinegar.
Cayenne? Brown sugar.
Probably barbecue sauce.
Bleu cheese? (gasps) Chicken wings.
Clients love to go to boobylicious for lunch.
Let go of me.
Now would you like some coffee? No.
But why don't you make a cup for amanda? What a sweet idea, pumpkin.
Mm.
Oh, I need a change of scene.
Oh.
No, zack.
(carlene) amanda, amanda And heather.
So cute how you're amanda's friend now.
Mm.
Your solo was so beautiful, carlene! Aw! Thank you! (cricket and sharon) I know! Oh, yes.
It was so nice of you to remind my children That their father died in a fiery crash.
Amanda.
Sweet, confused amanda.
You missed the point.
The message of the song is All about jesus being in control of our destiny.
In your case, it's just about allowing the lord To take your wheel and twist it.
He'll steer you where you should go Out of dallas.
Out of texas, even.
Don't fight it.
Just go With god.
(mouths words) Ladies, I think what carrie underwood's telling us Is how jesus steers us through those tough times in life.
"I can do all things through christ who strengthens me.
" Philippians 4:13.
I am looking forward to your songs every week, carlene.
God bless, y'all.
Well, well, well, carlene.
I think amanda just out-christianed you.
(gasps) 09:04:150 + (sighs) no question amanda has damaged your reputation.
Yeah, you weren't lying.
People said some nasty things about you.
Oh! How can I reassure the world I really am a true believer? Well, if you can't sell boobylicious, Just get in there and change its image.
When the f.
D.
A.
Fined blake and me for nutrition violations On our taquito gordo cantina chain, We just changed it to taquito fresh.
Mm.
Problem solved.
Everyone's still eatin' lard.
(carlene gasps) boofie! Chessy! Hi, boofie! Hi! Hi! Mwah! I'm so glad to see that new hip's working out.
Oh, thank you.
We thought we'd pop in to gigi's And offer our help with her luncheon.
Mm, gigi says you have been a wonderful help.
I just hope it goes well.
Amanda's such a loose cannon.
You remember How she attacked poor carlene in church two weeks ago.
With prayer, no less.
Oh, sugar, that must've been humiliatin' for you.
Poor brave gigi, Having to deal with sad, troubled, unhinged amanda.
Well, uh, no, ladies, the lunch is gonna be gorgeous.
We got lobster quesadillas.
And the wine! Oh, dear, that's not good.
Why? Amanda (loudly) is an alcoholic.
(gasps) you know, that's okay, Because if she gets violent, gigi has guns.
Oh, nothing's gonna happen.
I wish I could go.
Gigi's lunches are always such major social events.
I can't go either.
I can't go.
I've got a conflict.
I believe I have a conflict, too.
We'll be sure to send poor gigi some flowers.
Mm-hmm.
Bye, y'all! (giggles) Okay, what do you think? Is it this one or that one? Which is more attractive? Oh, I'm free all day.
I thought we'd go to the degas exhibit at the museum, Have some lunch.
Maybe you'll let me replace those horrible shoes.
Mm.
I can't.
I'm on lunch shift today.
Well, if you must insist on associating with those people, I'd rather you do it in daylight when you're safe.
"those people"? (chuckles) I adore those people I work with.
Amber, sapphire, whitney, britney, courtney, and rowanda Are so much nicer Than cricket and those other witches from "macbeth" I have to put up with at church.
Rwanda? With an "o.
" Uh, here's a list of school supplies we need.
That's great.
I'll stop off at the drugstore and get you A touch screen tablet, a microscope.
A saddle? This is a fortune.
Just use my credit card, darlin'.
No.
No.
I will provide for my children.
All I need you to do is just take them to school.
Thank you.
Okay.
(thud) Oh! (sighs) (thud) (exhales deeply) Borrowing a bag will not destroy your dignity.
(thud) Thank you.
You have a gun in your purse? It's texas.
You never know when you might need one.
Here.
This one's a little more you.
You have two guns? Mother, what are you scared of? (cocks rifle) Not a damn thing.
(cell phone rings) (ring) Excuse me.
It's heather.
Sorry.
I have a luncheon to plan.
Hello, darling.
How are you? I told the designer no pastels.
Hotel rooms should be masculine.
Makes men feel powerful, women feel horny.
I've got an idea.
Linen instead of velvet.
Sisal instead of wool.
Baby, that is genius.
That'll make the rooms price out less than we budgeted.
(gasps) are we good or what? What would I do without you? Well, let's hope you never find out.
(chuckles) Going somewhere? Yeah.
Heading up to the broken flame.
It's the annual ranch employee rodeo on Thursday.
Did you forget? No, but you obviously forgot That Thursday is the first pep rally of the season.
It's our daughter's debut as head cheerleader.
Oh, lord.
I didn't realize it.
Damn.
That rodeo is a big deal.
Well, so is alexandra's first pep really.
How will it look if you don't show? Well, I'm the boss.
I have to be at the ranch.
I'm the host.
Well I just can't understand How entertaining 80 cowboys is more important to you Than your daughter's first basket toss.
(cell phone rings) (ring) (ring) (ring) (beep) Booth.
Buddy, what's up? (grunts) hey.
Glad I caught ya.
Bring some of that good tequila.
We're out.
Uh, yeah, listen.
I may have a conflict on Thursday.
No, no.
You can't bail.
It's our third anniversary.
Mm-hmm.
Yeah, I get it, But it's a big cheerleading thing for alexandra.
Oh, come on, dude.
I made a tarte tatin.
I'll work it out.
(beep) I'll sure you'll find a way to make it up to alexandra.
I was going through zack's pockets and I found this.
It's a boobylicious punch card.
He's one hole away from getting a free booby basket.
How am I supposed to keep amanda From getting her claws into zack? I give this advice on the bible blog.
If your husband's getting a plentiful feast at home, He won't go a-snackin' at boobylicious.
I'll bet cricket's never caught blake Rummaging through a dumpster for a little nibble on the side.
Have you, crick? Nope.
Never caught him.
And I'm proud to say, At my house, ripp gets an all-you-can-eat buffet.
(mouth full) you own boobylicious.
Can't you just fire amanda? Ripp won't let me and he won't shut it down, either.
And you do everything ripp says? Duh.
He's my husband.
I came from his rib.
Genesis.
Right there in black and white, cricket.
Hey, girls.
How was cheerleader practice? Alexandra nailed The "pretty girl ball-up twist kick" basket toss Every time.
Oh! Good girl! (alexandra) thank you.
The ball-up twist is daddy's favorite stunt.
He doesn't know I can do it.
He's gonna be so surprised at the pep rally.
(sharon) alexandra, look at those perky new pillows! Blake and I wanted a perfect "b.
" She wanted a "d" cup, so we compromised with a "c.
" All the foxes have starter boobs, mom.
(singsongy) well, christmas is coming, honey.
I keep telling her, you cannot wear last year's uniform With this year's breasts.
It's too tight.
Relax, cricket.
Cleavage helps your cross hang straight.
See? Dr.
Smithbriar, right? Yeah.
Yep.
I'd know his work anywhere.
Oh, mckinney, tell us how the school year's going.
I hope you're making some new friends.
Why? (chuckles) Well, there was that california girl from church.
Laura Something? Amanda vaughn's daughter? Yeah, she's kind of cute, but then she opens her mouth, And she's Unattractively smart.
And then she eats lunch.
We are so making her a javelina.
She's gonna have a scarlet pig slapped on her By recess tomorrow.
(laughter) Hold on, girls.
Girls, I'm not sure about that.
Your remember how hurtful it was When amanda branded us javelinas? Not me.
I was a fox.
Rememb the sermon-- you reap what you sow? Mm-hmm.
Amanda started this whole javelina ritual.
If her daughter falls victim to it, That's just nature taking its course.
(alexandra) mm-hmm.
Go for it, girls.
It's just desserts.
(carlene) dear lord, let us beg forgiveness For the boobylicious that was.
What's going on? Perfect timing.
Someone die? I'm just doing a little human interest piece For cricket's tv station.
I was just about to thank god For bringing you back into our lives.
You--thank god for me? Oh, no, no, please don't.
Don't do that.
Please.
Uh, w-why? Amanda, because of you, I have seen the error of my ways.
And now I'm rebranding my restaurant As an instrument for the greater good.
I'm calling it The boobylicious project.
Oh, for god sake.
Exactly.
My mission here is to help the wayward wanton woman, To help those who have lost their self-esteem and dignity.
Oh, carlene, this is so transparent.
I hope so.
I want the world to know That I am donating all boobylicious profits To my personal charity For children with something.
And now the new look of boobylicious! Get in here.
I went with an amish designer.
Carlene, don't be ridiculous.
If we have to wear that, there will be no profits, There will be so business, And there will be no boobylicious.
The lord's will be done.
Praise him.
Nobody can call me a hypocrite now.
(whispers) when I pray, shoot me from the left.
Of course you're a hypocrite, carlene.
You make us dress like a nun, and you look like that.
I have been saved.
I have a wonderful, spiritual husband Who likes 'em where he can see 'em.
Dear lord, Thank you for the courage it takes to change boobylicious.
And thank you for amanda, Who's totally responsible for every bit of it.
Amen.
(mouths word) (woman screaming) Hey, guys.
(man) kill her! What do you have on? I could ask you the same question.
This is, like, a $2,000 jacket.
Where'd you get that? We made a shop stop at neiman's on the way to school.
Gigi has a key.
Will, those shoes.
Smokin', right? I thought the riesling paired perfectly With the gazpacho foam.
No.
Too sweet and fruity.
It's more of a breakfast wine.
I bought my children perfectly fine, respectable clothing From armadillo mart.
But the kids wanted them.
Then you tell the kids "no.
" Nobody ever told me "no," and that's why I was so awful.
Well, that was your father's fault, Nobody ever set limits for me.
Father.
I was spoiled rotten.
Father.
And I'm not gonna let that happen to will and laura.
Fine! Heather looks good in blue.
Uh There.
I've got bigger problems on my hands.
Boofie and frusannah have already canceled.
They have conflicts.
I just don't understand it.
They already sent apology flowers.
And why are you dressed like mother goose? Carlene.
She's manipulating boobylicious To protect her image or whatever.
This is her idea.
We closed early tonight.
No customers.
Bravo, carlene! See ya tomorrow.
Look, I feel kinda weird about all this.
I mean, gigi's been like a second mother to me.
Oh.
And now that you're back, I just--I don't wanna overstep boundaries.
I left town.
She had no one to smother.
She took you under her wing.
I love that.
Okay.
Well I-I shouldn't accept this.
Hey.
I just don't want my kids spoiled rotten.
You, I don't care.
(laughs) (gasps) (gasps) Oh, my god.
The scarlet pig.
That's the first step.
My daughter's been branded a javelina.
Laura has no idea of the humiliation That is about to rain down on her, And it is all my karma.
Hell hath no fury Like a bunch of women ya scorn in high school.
I'll talk to carlene.
No.
I'll talk to carlene.
This is my gunfight at the not o.
K.
Corral.
("what a friend we have in jesus" ringtone playing) (beep) Hello? Okay, first, you take money Out of the innocent boobylicious girls' pockets To get back at me.
Now my daughter's been slapped with a scarlet pig? Oh, dear.
She's a javelina already? Heather was right.
You are behind this.
Heather said that? Everyone does your bidding, right, carlene? You're the ringleader.
I do pray every day for leadership abilities, Thank you for noticing.
It's you and me, carlene.
We are throwing down.
Well, I'd love to chat, darlin', But I've got my hands full at the moment.
Uh, how about we thrown down over lunch? I'll pick you up at noon.
(breathing heavily) Everything all right, kitten? Yeah.
Amanda wants to throw down.
- (whispers) and I know just where to throw her.
- Mmm.
(giggles) + (bomshel) tonight we're gonna throw down, blow it out kick it with the party crowd let me hear you shout halleluy'all (honks horn) (carlene) hi, y'all! halleluy'all Whoo-hoo! Look, I understand your unending rage Over the way I treated you in high school, But we absolutely cannot Let this animosity trickle down to the next generation.
(mouth full) this pulled pork is amazing! Best in the state.
Mmm.
That's why I drive 80 miles to get it.
But you're wrong, amanda.
I hold no animosity towards you, really.
I even reminded those girls How hurtful that whole javelina thing was And that they shouldn't do it.
And, darling, I don't even have a daughter.
So where precious laura is concerned, "not my pig, not my farm.
" Remember 20 years ago, when you offered me a ride To the first pep rally of the season, And I was so excited because you were so popular Mm.
And then you labeled me a wild, nasty pig And had your friends throw mud on me in the parking lot? I can't believe I started all this javelina crap.
And then you proceeded To be inconceivably awful and abusive to me Throughout high school.
Well, it forced me to look at myself, Long and hard.
And you know what I realized? You were right.
My skin was like the map of switzerland.
My nose was an idaho potato.
My hair Good lord, remember my hair? Well I fixed all of it, and I love you for that.
Amanda Because of your unspeakable cruelty, I transformed myself from a javelina To the beautiful, powerful christian woman You see before you today.
Thank you.
(laughs) Isn't it funny? A former javelina feeding a former fox pulled pork.
The lord does work in mysterious ways, right? Mm-hmm.
Ms.
Cockburn? Your pig is ready to roll.
Snuffer, you're the best.
(sighs) Oh, dear.
The pig's gotta go with me.
Pork in my box is a pep rally tradition.
(pats pig) What to do? What to do? What do you mean "what to do? What to do?" (chuckles) carlene, you can't just leave me here.
Amanda, I would never do that.
Snuffer, Will you see that mrs.
Vaughn gets a ride back to dallas? (snuffer) yes, ma'am.
You are gonna love him.
He is so nice (revs engine) and fun.
This isn't very funny.
Adios! Yah-ha! Have fun, y'all! Whoo-hoo! Ugh! What-- Come on.
Come on.
Come on.
(whispers) ah! Yes, sir.
Yes, sir.
(sighs) (cell phone rings) (laura) hello? Laura! Mom! (static hisses) Listen, I-I'm stuck out-- no, mom! Mom! You'll never guess what.
Alexandra reilly and mckinney peacham Just asked me to go to the pep rally with them.
No! Yes! Isn't that amazing? They're the most popular girls in school.
(static hisses) they're gonna give me a ride! No! Yes! Oh, I'm excited, too, mom.
I think things might really be working out for me.
(static hisses) Go to the pep rally! Don't go! (imitates southern accent) hornet hoedown, here I come! (laughs) (beep) La-- (beep) (horn honking) (snuffer) come on, let's go! Get in the back.
Ugh! Follow my lead.
In here.
Don't open up your eyes.
Keep 'em closed! And stop! Don't open your eyes till say so.
All right.
Open 'em.
There's nothing in boobylicious that you can't get right here.
(exhales) I hope you're hungry.
Wow.
Well, yeah.
Um You got anything healthy, like carrots or zucchini or Uh Oh.
I was just about to drop it in the grease.
You know, hon, I'm--I'm trying to cut back on fried stuff.
I-I need to get back in the gym.
I'm-a start working out with blake next week.
Have you seen the abs on that guy? Not since mardi gras.
(pats leg) gotta go pump some iron.
(oil bubbling) You are gonna have so much fun.
Oh! Hang on a sec.
Since this is your first hornet pep rally, Alex and I wanted to make it kinda Special.
You guys rock! (giggles) Thank you.
So what is it? You're gonna be really surprised.
+ (cheerleaders chanting) hillside! Hillside! Go! Go! Hillside! Hillside! Go! Go! Hillside! Hillside! Go! Go! Hillside! Hillside! Go! Go! (indistinct conversations) Oh, man, that looks delicious, but I I'm trying to cut back.
Okay.
Of course.
Thank you.
(man) I don't see your name on here.
(carlene) I know my name's on that list.
Yes, sir, I understand, but your structure here Is blocking the emergency exit.
But this spot has the best view of the new jumbotron.
You know, it's gonna take a lot of strong people To move this tent.
Well, you got me, my son landry.
I'd hate to ask the governor to help, And I know the senator is not gonna want To get his hands dirty.
Mrs.
Bush-- she's just way too old.
Son, when I pitch a tent, It stays up until I want it to come down.
(laughing) He's so cute.
Oh! Have yourself a cacta-tini And get yourself a caviar fajita.
(whispers) they're good.
Rich people.
(machine whirring) Alexandra's up next.
Sweetie, you need an assist.
Mm? Just Things any better with you and zack? They're worse.
He's liftin' weights.
I know it's just a matter of time Before he gets his last hole punched on his boobylicious card So he can get his hands on amanda's booby basket.
All right, I am telling you this because I love you.
It's already happened.
They've kissed At the car dealership.
Carlene saw it.
Keep it together.
You're in public.
Ms.
Weiner.
(voice breaks) what am I supposed to do? You've gotta be texas strong.
(normal voice) what would you do if you found out Blake was doing something like that to you? He's up at that ranch all the time.
What if you caught him with another woman? Another woman? I'd burn the ranch down to the ground And make that stud a gelding.
Hi.
Keep it together.
Hey, babe.
I've been real good.
Hmm.
Hardly eating anything.
Now does foie gras have a lot of c-- Babe? (cheerleaders shouting indistinctly) Hey, look.
It's spelled c-r-u-z.
I have to be on the list.
Just look--look again.
Mrs.
Cockburn made this list herself.
I remember her saying something about You were too busy planning luncheons.
(carlene laughs) in the white house? (sighs) (knocks on window) Snuffer, keep in touch! (gasps) oh, my god! (girl) I have to tell my mom.
No, don't.
Laura? (gasps) not laura! I'm so sorry you're a javelina.
It's all my fault.
Ow.
Hey, hey, here we go, big red! Go, big red! Hey, hey, here we go, big red! Go, big red! Laura?! Laura? Oh! So sorry.
Laura! Laura? Mom! Mom! Mom! Oh, my god! You're I'm a fox.
How amazing is that? (sighs) Alexandra and mckinney-- They just dumped buckets of glitter on me.
I'm never gonna take a bath.
Ohh.
Oh, honey.
We're gonna have to talk about this.
I'm confused.
I was so afraid poor laura was gonna be made a javelina, But Well, she's covered in fox glitter.
Well, I thought it over.
I had a little chat with alexandra, And I convinced her that it would be kinder to embrace laura And not treat her the way her mother treated us.
Good for you, crick.
You're turning that other cheek.
God, no.
If alexandra and mckinney are besties with laura, It'll be easier to keep tabs on what's going on with amanda.
It gets better.
Oh, I bet it does.
After the rally, a bunch of us foxes are gonna go get mexican.
We're gonna meet up with landry cockburn--a god-- And go to the peachams' to play "hide the hornet," Whatever that is.
I had no idea I could be so popular so fast.
No, you can't.
What? What do you mean? I've done all my homework.
I'm not gonna be late.
I'm a fox, mom.
I've--I've made it.
And I don't think you should be a fox, either.
It's a bad idea.
I-I have lived through this, And it was the biggest mistake of my life.
You don't want to be a part of something That's based on being snobby and cruel.
Who says I'm gonna be snobby and cruel? I'm not you.
There's no way I'm gonna turn into you.
Honey, listen to me.
No.
You created the system, mom, and now I have to survive it.
(man) ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, Let's get loud Four our hornets! (cheering) (dance music playing) Whoo! Ooh! It's alexandra.
It's her first "pretty girl ball-up twist kick.
" (cheering) (cheering) (fabric rips) (cheering and music stop) (mouth words) No! (gasps) (football players) yeah! (cheering indistinctly) Dr.
Smithbriar.
Absolutely.
(stammering) go.
Go.
Babe! Alex? (chuckles) So what'd I miss? + I have a problem.
A (sighs) big problem.
What's that? My daughter.
Join the club.
I'm a problem? I thought I was just a disappointment.
What are you doing? Canceling your luncheon.
Why? Because so many have declined.
Apology flowers.
Looks like somebody died.
Four people dropped out tonight After seeing something on the television About carlene's boobylicious project, Featuring you as the whore of babylon.
Just say it.
You're furious with me because I won't bend to your will.
You're furious because I won't quit a job That isn't suitable to your high society standards.
I don't get furious.
I'm too well-bred for that.
You didn't buy designer clothes for your grandkids Because you wanted them to be stylin'.
No, mama.
You didn't do that at all.
You did it because you were terrified That they wouldn't look like they were worthy of your d.
N.
A.
There is not a word of truth in that.
I worship those children and I always have.
Yeah? Not when I told you I was pregnant And bill and I wanted to get married.
That again? Yeah, mama, that again.
Did you say, "congratulations, amanda"? I-I--"how can I help?" "I support you and bill"? No.
Mama, you said, "this will look terrible.
"you're gonna go live with my sister in new orleans And give that baby up for adoption.
" It is a good thing I didn't listen to you Or you wouldn't have laura to shower in chanel.
You've just got to get rid of this anger.
It's your anger that kept you away for half your life, And it's your anger that keeps you from accepting my help.
I don't need to accept your help.
I need you to accept me.
I'm curious.
What did laura do? Did she disobey you? Was she headstrong? Did she run away from you? It's a familiar tune, isn't it? Yeah.
How long do we have to keep playing it? (door closes) Well I think I finally managed to convince alexandra A little wardrobe malfunction isn't the end of the world.
This never would've happened if she got a "b" cup.
You're so good with her.
All I would've said is, "I told you so.
" Sometimes I worry That "maternal" is not in my skill set.
You are fierce, You are wonderful, And you make everyone you love feel safe.
Now what is more maternal than that? Listen, I know the whole rodeo thing pissed you off.
Well, lately, I've been lashing out a lot, But it shouldn't be at you.
You are what you are, And I signed up for it all those years ago.
You made me feel so beautiful.
Because you are.
Why didn't you stay at the ranch? Well, after the rodeo, I realized I didn't want to miss alexandra's big day.
How'd booth take it? Not well.
(chuckles) He's gone, But I'm here.
No more booth, all right? I'm just gonna have to find a new Foreman.
I'm sorry.
Booth's a fool.
He'll never find a guy as good as you.
For a boss, I mean.
(kisses) (click) Good night, muffin.
Night, sweet pea.
I guess I'm grounded now for being popular.
No, you're not grounded.
So you're waiting here, ready to pounce, because Because I Wanted to apologize.
I realize I've never liked it When my mother tries to control my life, So I should do something About my irrational need to control yours.
Honey, I have no reason to be anything but proud of you.
And I'm kinda proud of you.
Why? I'm a waitress in a booby bar.
(chuckles) which is great.
Landry cockburn, miss carlene's son, Is obsessed with you, which is kind of oogie Yeah.
(laughs) but way cool, too.
Nobody else's mom has been on the national news.
Well, If things don't pick up at boobylicious soon, I might have to quit.
Carlene is doing everything she can To drive that place into the ground To get what she wants.
You, quit? Legend has it you were the queen of the foxes.
If you can't outfox carlene cockburn, You're not worth the glitter sprinkled on you.
I love you.
I love you, too, mom.
Well, hello, ladies.
Ripp.
You're probably wondering why we called you here.
We're disgruntled.
Look, maybe we should take it inside.
Nope, that's our point.
We're not going back in there.
We're gonna go work at chicken 'n cheeks.
Well, why are you upset? Oh, it's not that we don't love our jobs here.
We do.
But the girls and I have to make a living, And the recent changes here have made it impossible.
So I'm afraid we have to hand in our uniforms.
You understand.
Changes? Who made changes? Well (chuckles) Carlene, bless her heart.
Meow.
Oh, hey, kitten.
Thanks for gettin' here so fast.
Oh, I was just down the street at the printers.
My latest idea-- fidelity pledges.
I realized so many married men come in here With lust in their hearts, So it might be nice to have a little reminder for them To be faithful to their wives.
"if you want a little something on the side, Try our onion rings.
" Cute, huh? (giggles) Excuse me.
Who told you ladies you could wear that? I did.
You? But, precious, I specifically instructed you not to Proverbs 31.
"the man should be the head of the household.
The woman will be the dutiful wife.
" I make the decisions.
If you're trying to turn me on, it's working.
I'm just saying you need to trust me As far as boobylicious and amanda are concerned.
Don't mess with 'em.
(sighs deeply) I have my reasons.
So You got your way.
Oh! I just started my own little boobylicious project To protect the livelihoods of these terrific women, Because your boobylicious project Was going to put them out of work.
But knowing how much you dislike these outfits, I wanted to meet you halfway.
Ladies, let's show carlene our new motto.
Oh, dear lord.
Oh, dear god.
(woman speaks indistinctly) (whispers) no.
Don't.
Go away! Oh, don't you dare embarrass me in front of my guests.
Come on in, you all! Come on! Come on! Come over to the bar, have a drink.
(laughs) Boofie, you remember our guest of honor, don't you? (boofie) oh! Look at you! Isn't she adorable? My legs still look like that.
(laughs) (laughs) Carlene, we'll be 20.
I've decided to have amanda's luncheon right here.
Oh, my god, heather! Look, you made it! Oh! Oh! (laughing) Come on.
Oh! Why, look at this.
It's clean as whistle.
I'm so thrilled to have you all here.
Don't you look great today? (woman laughs) I am so proud of you.
(laughing) (woman) oh, well I love you, mama.
Oh.
W-- (laughs) This place is fabulous! I'll have to have a napkin, darlin'.
(laughing) Oh! Everybody, have a margarita on me! (women cheering)