Gilmore Girls s01e02 Episode Script

- That's nice.
- Thank you.
Don't move, please.
Why are you insisting on doing this? Because you're starting private school tomorrow.
Yes, but I'm gonna be wearing shoes.
Nobody's gonna see my feet.
Okay, but everybody knows that private school girls are bad.
And bad girls always wear red nail polish.
Are you nervous? - About what? - About starting Chilton.
I wasn't until I heard about all those bad girls.
Guys! New CD! XTC, Apple Venus Volume 2! - Good! - But you only finished half my toes.
Who cares? You're gonna be wearing shoes anyway! Mom! What? God! Hi.
- What are you doing? - Having a heart attack.
I thought you were up.
It's 7:10.
- What? - It's 7:10.
No.
Stop it! It's 5:45.
- No, it's not! - Yes, it is.
I set the clock for 5:45, so it's It's 7:10.
I can't be late on my first day of school.
You know what happens when people are late on the first day? It's shorter? For the rest of the year they're labeled "The late girl.
" So dramatic.
Where's the bathroom? We have to go! What if there's traffic? I had this all planned.
I was gonna get up early.
I was gonna get coffee.
I was gonna take a shower.
I was gonna pick up my clothes from the dry cleaner's.
- Oh, my God.
My clothes.
- What? - I don't have any clean clothes.
- It's 7:15.
- All my nice things were dirty.
- It's 7:16.
I was gonna wear my blue suit with the flippy skirt.
- I look so great in the flippy skirt.
- It's 7:17.
You know what, time lady? Go downstairs and warm up the car.
That would be really super.
Thank you.
Just hurry! This sucks! - It's 7:18.
- For the love of God! This is the last time I buy anything just because it's furry! It's 7 Don't even think of finishing that sentence.
What? Nothing.
I just didn't know the rodeo was in town.
That's it.
I'm bringing the baby pictures.
No! I'm sorry.
I love the rodeo, the rodeo rules.
- I remember it being smaller.
- Yeah.
And less - Off with their heads.
- Yeah.
What are you looking at? I'm just trying to see if there's a hunchback up in that bell tower.
So, how do I look? You look great.
- Really? - Really.
You are an amazing kid.
You have earned this.
You just go in there and show them what smart really is.
I love you.
Call me if you need me.
- You're kidding, right? - No.
Call me if you need anything.
I'm great at making up dirty cheers.
- You have to go in with me.
- Rory, come on.
You have to meet the headmaster.
Look at me.
I can't meet anybody who does anything in there.
No! I look like that chick from The Dukes of Hazzard.
This is my first day.
You are not getting out of going in there with me.
Period.
Good morning.
We're gonna be best friends.
- So, where do we go? - The Ambroise building.
- Which is? - The big, scary one.
Great! Thanks for the input.
- Lost? - Yeah.
We're looking for the headmaster's office, Ambroise building.
Okay.
This is it right here.
Just go inside, down the stairs, make a left and the headmaster's office is at the end of the hall.
- Great.
Thank you.
- You're welcome.
I'm lan Jack.
My daughter Julia goes to school here.
Hi.
I'm Lorelai Gilmore.
This is my daughter, Rory.
- Your daughter? Really? - Yep.
Wow, that's great.
I mean, daughters are a great thing.
- We're big fans.
- Yeah.
Is your husband here? I'd love to meet him.
I'm not married.
I'd love to meet your wife.
- I'm divorced.
- Shame.
- Excuse me.
I really got to - Right.
We gotta go meet the big guy, and I gotta get back to work.
- Where do you work? - At an inn.
- The Independence Inn.
I run it.
- Really? In a different outfit, of course.
It was nice to meet you, Lorelai.
Good luck in school, Rory.
- I'll tell Julia to look out for you.
- Great, thanks.
See you.
What a nice man.
You're feeling pretty good about yourself right now, aren't you? Yeah.
- Do you want me to get you a mirror? - I'm back.
Let's go.
Good.
More big stuff.
- You ready? - No.
- You ready? - Yes.
Excuse me.
Hi.
I'm Lorelai Gilmore.
This is my daughter, Lorelai Gilmore, because I named her after me.
I was in the hospital, all whacked out on Demerol.
Never mind.
But we call her Rory.
It's short for Lorelai but she'll answer to either one or even "Hey, you" depending on Is the headmaster here? One moment.
See, that's what happens when you go to bed with your makeup on.
Headmaster Charleston will see you now.
Great.
Thanks.
Ms.
Gilmore, I'm Headmaster Charleston.
Hi.
Wow.
It's really nice to meet Mom.
What are you doing here? I came to wish my granddaughter luck on her first day of school.
Rory, you look wonderful in that uniform.
You didn't have to come all the way out here, Mom.
This gave me a chance to make sure that Hanlin here takes good care of Rory.
- You're Hanlin.
- Hanlin Charleston.
Hanlin's wife and I are on the Symphony Fundraising Committee together.
Wow.
That's great.
Your father and I are golf rivals.
We're still fighting it out to see which one is worse.
Oh, yes.
We're all old friends.
Well, there's nothing like friends.
Especially if they're old ones.
Would you like to take off your coat and have a seat? No, I'm fine.
They were a little overzealous with the furnace this morning.
- It's quite warm in here.
- I like it warm.
Take off your coat and sit down.
You don't want Hanlin to think you're rude.
Laundry day.
Hanlin, did you know that Rory has a 4.
0 grade average? I'm sure he does, Mom.
This is a very special girl.
You take good care of her.
We'll do our best, Emily.
Oh, God.
Rory's not going to be a problem.
She's totally low maintenance.
You know, like a Honda.
You know, they're just easy Nice office.
I don't think we should take up any more of your precious time.
Hanlin, it was lovely to see you.
Give Bitty our love.
Tell Richard I'll see him at the club Sunday.
Have a wonderful day, Rory.
I want to hear all about it.
Do you need a ride, or is your horse parked outside? It's so nice to meet you.
Have a great day.
You don't want to forget your coat.
No, 'cause that would be embarrassing.
How do you leave the house looking like that? It was not planned, believe me.
And on Rory's first day of school.
What kind of impression did you think you'd make? What are you doing here? I told you, I came to put in a good word for Rory.
- She didn't need a good word.
- I'm not allowed here, is that it? I didn't say that.
I'm allowed to pay, but I can't set foot on the premises.
- I want to get the rules straight.
- Oh, boy.
- How about driving down the street? - Forget it.
Maybe I should avoid this neighborhood altogether.
Though my doctor is down the block.
Maybe I'll get special permission if I'm bleeding from the head.
I'm sorry.
I was just surprised to see you here.
I thought it was important for this school to know they had a Gilmore with them.
A very good thought.
And that some of the Gilmores actually own clothing.
And on that note, I have to get to work.
I'll see you later.
Dinner, Friday night.
No spurs, please.
You're obviously a bright girl, Miss Gilmore.
- Thank you.
- Good grades, the teachers like you.
Not a lot of social activities, though.
Just living at Stars Hollow is a social activity, actually.
Nothing in your school appealed to you? I work at my mother's inn after school sometimes.
I was in the German Club for a while.
But there were only three of us.
Then two left for the French Club after seeing Schindler's List.
What are your aspirations? I want to go to Harvard to study Journalism and Political Science.
- On your way to being - Christiane Amanpour.
- Really? - Yes.
- Not Cokie Roberts? - No.
Not Oprah, Rosie, or one of the women from The View? No.
Why do you wish to be Christiane Amanpour? I don't wish to be her exactly.
- I just want to do what she does.
- Which is? Travel, see the world up close report on what's really going on, be part of something big.
And to be a part of something big you have to be on TV? Why not lead the police on a high-speed chase? That's a quicker way to achieve this goal.
Being on TV has nothing to do with it.
Maybe I'll be a journalist and write books or articles about what I see.
I just want to be sure that I see something.
You'll notice the debating team's also missing from my resume.
I've known your grandparents for quite some time.
I know.
In fact, I was at a party at their house just last week where I had the most delicious lobster puffs I've ever eaten.
I'm very fond of them.
That's nice.
None of this, however, will be of any benefit to you.
Chilton has one of the highest academic standards of any school in America.
You may have been the smartest girl at Stars Hollow but this is a different place.
Pressures are greater, the rules are stricter and the expectations are higher.
If you make it through you'll have received one of the finest educations one can get.
And there should be no reason why you should not achieve all your goals.
However, since you are starting late and are not used to this highly competitive atmosphere there is a good chance you will fail.
That is fine.
Failure is a part of life.
But not a part of Chilton.
Understand? So, you liked the lobster puffs? Take this to Miss James in the administration office across the hall.
Hi, I'm looking for Miss James.
- Name? - Lorelai Gilmore.
- But I go by Rory.
- Fill this out, please.
- Well? - Shut up.
Hurry please.
Spiders.
- Lorelai Gilmore.
- Nice stripper name.
- Formerly of Stars Hollow High School.
- Where's that? Drive west, make a left at the haystacks, and follow the cows.
A Dixie chick.
Perfect attendance, Bugs, dirt, twigs.
She's a Journalism major.
That means she's going out for the school paper.
Not necessarily.
She's got a thousand recommendations in here.
Popular with the adults.
Going out for the school paper.
Will you stop? You don't know that.
- Something's biting me.
- Quiet.
I hate nature.
She'll never catch up.
She's a month behind.
- You can tutor her.
Be like a big sister.
- You're funny.
Okay, lizard, goodbye.
Why are they letting these extra people in? They just take up space and screw up the curve.
We don't need any new kids here.
Too late.
Here's the dining room, the science hall, and the theater.
Here's your locker number, here's your schedule, take this map.
Here's the rules of the school and the Chilton Honor Code.
Here are the words to the school song which must be recited upon demand.
This can happen any place, any time.
If you do it in Latin, you get extra credit.
Do you have any questions? - Not at the moment.
- Lf you do, make an appointment to see your guidance counselor, Mr.
Winters.
He handles everything but bulimia and pregnancy.
For that, you have to go to the nurse or Coach Rubens.
Welcome to Chilton.
I already had the longest day of my life, and it's only 10:00.
How nice.
- There's no coffee.
- That's not funny.
I can give you herbal tea.
This is not an herbal tea morning.
This is a coffee morning.
Every morning for you is a coffee morning.
This is a jumbo coffee morning.
I need coffee in an I.
V.
I can give you tea and a Balance Bar.
Please, please tell me you're kidding.
- I'm kidding.
- You're sick.
- Yep.
- You're a sadist.
You're a fiend! You're pretty.
- For here or to go? - To go please.
Want to know what this does to your nervous system? - Do you have a chart? I love charts.
- Forget it, kill yourself.
So, what happened this morning that was so awful? - Rory started Chilton.
- Really? Yeah.
What? That's how you dressed to go to Chilton? That's a fancy school.
My clothes were at the cleaners, and my fuzzy clock didn't purr on time.
- It didn't purr? - It's fuzzy.
It purrs.
You know what.
Never mind.
I gotta go.
- I had a plan, damn it.
- Me, too.
Next time you're getting tea.
Visualize, ladies.
It's a Thanksgiving Day parade.
You're standing on Fifth Avenue.
There's 100 beautiful boys marching in place behind you.
And there you are.
You are in front with your fabulous legs and your perfect tush.
Your baton is on fire, and the crowd goes nuts! Okay, cookie time.
- Lorelai, hi.
- Hey, Patty.
Isn't today Rory's first day at Chilton? Yeah, she's there now.
I just got through dropping her off.
Is that what you wore? - Look at the time.
See you, Patty.
- Bye.
Ladies, what do I see? Naked girls.
No, no, keep those leotards on.
This is not Brazil.
- Hello? - Lorelai? Mom? Lorelai, good.
I'm going shopping this afternoon.
I thought I'd pick up a few things for Rory.
- Like what? - A couple of skirts and tops for school.
I already took care of all that, Mom.
I got her two skirts and a bunch of tops.
But there are five days in a school week.
Really? Because my days-of-the-week underwear only go to Thursday.
- Is that a joke? - Mom, two skirts are fine.
- I never know with you.
- Really, don't bother.
What if she gets one dirty? - She'll wear the other one.
- What if she gets them both dirty? We'll use this newfangled thing called a washing machine.
The town chipped in and bought one.
My turn's Tuesday.
Then, what about socks? Chilton has these special logo socks.
- Rory should have them.
- Mom, please.
What about the school sweater? She might like that.
There's a sweater vest and a book bag.
Are you getting a cut of the merchandising? Rory should have these.
She'll be the only one who doesn't.
She'll live.
I'm at least getting her the Chilton coat.
Is she a size 6? Mom, please.
This is a simple question, Lorelai.
She's a 6, but I'd get an 8 in case she grows.
If she grows, I'll buy another.
Okay, then a 6 is great.
I gotta go, Mom.
Bye.
While French culture was the dominant outside cultural influence especially for Russia's moneyed class English culture also had its impact.
Tolstoy's favorite author, for instance, was Dickens.
Yes.
And of course, last week we covered Dostoyevsky's main authorial influences - George Sand and Balzac.
- Good.
As Tolstoy commenced writing War and Peace and Anna Karenina - Count Leo would turn to - David Copperfield.
Correct.
He would turn to David Copperfield for inspiration.
- Mr.
Dugray.
- Sir.
Nice to have you back.
- I hope your grandfather's better.
- Much better, sir.
Good.
Take your seat, please.
Great Expectations, A Tale of Two Cities, Little Dorrit all major influences on Leo Tolstoy.
Tomorrow - Who's that? - New girl.
writing styles of these two literary masters, Tolstoy and Dickens.
Class dismissed.
Looks like we got ourselves a Mary.
Miss Gilmore, come up here, please.
Here are last week's study materials.
There'll be a test on them tomorrow.
But since you're new you can take a makeup on Monday.
Will that be sufficient time? Monday? Sure, that's fine.
Good.
That's just an overview.
It'd be helpful to borrow another student's personal notes.
They tend to be more detailed.
More detailed than this? It seems daunting right now, I know.
No.
It's okay.
It'll be fine.
Remember to get those notes.
They'll be a lifesaver.
I'm Paris.
I didn't see you there.
Where'd you come from? I know who you are, too.
Lorelai Gilmore from Stars Hollow.
You can call me Rory.
- Are you going out for The Franklin? - The what? Nice innocent act.
At least I know you're not going out for Drama Club.
I'm confused.
The Franklin, the school paper, are you going out for it? I don't know.
I have to find my locker first.
- I'm gonna be editor next year.
- Good for you.
I'm also the top of the class.
I intend to be valedictorian when I graduate.
Okay.
I'm going now.
You'll never catch up.
You'll never beat me.
This school is my domain, and The Franklin is my domain.
Don't you ever forget that.
I guess you're not going to let me borrow your notes.
They're smaller than the last batch.
No, they're not.
Smaller means watery.
No good peach taste.
No, there's plenty of peach taste being as they're, you know, peaches.
- What about the ones on the bottom? - Great.
No.
Be sure to check them all.
That's it.
Give every last one of them a nice, good squeeze.
You wouldn't want to leave me one that I could sell to somebody else.
Wait a minute, you missed one.
I won't tell you which one it is.
I'm just going to let your impeccably good radar There it is, you got it.
Okay.
- I look great, right? - Yes.
Yes, see.
This is how I was supposed to look this morning.
- Morning, Jackson.
- Oh, my God, today was Rory's first day.
Yes.
I was supposed to look together and fabulous.
Not like I was playing quarters all night.
- Nobody cares how you looked.
- Everybody cared.
- Who? - The other moms, the headmaster.
My mom, Luke, Miss Patty, the new fire chief with the tiny little head.
Taste this.
A little watery.
Now, you planned this.
- Did you say something about your mom? - Yeah.
I walked into the headmaster's office, and there she was.
Really? Why? Because she knew I'd wake up late, dress like a cowgirl, and humiliate myself.
- Wow, she's good.
- She's the best.
I would love to know what you're doing.
- They're rolling differently, too.
- Because of the extra water.
- Exactly.
- Makes perfect sense.
I would ignore those women because the only thing that matters is that Rory got into that great school.
I know.
She looked so amazing in her uniform, and she was so excited.
I just admire her so much, jumping into a new school.
- She's my hero.
- Mine, too.
Yeah.
Sign me up.
Sookie, the peaches, please.
Excuse me.
There's a phone call for you and if I'm to fetch you like a dog, I'd like a cookie and a raise.
Thanks for the peach.
This will be absolutely wonderful.
There are supposed to be darling shops all up and down this street.
Excuse me, sir.
Can you tell me where we can find the best antiques? At your house, I'd guess.
Mom, did I give you this number, 'cause I don't remember doing that.
Yeah, well, I must be losing my mind.
What can I I'm sorry, Mom, can you hold on one second? Drella, could you take it down just a notch? Thanks.
Okay, I'm back.
I wanted you to know that I just bought a parking space for Rory at Chilton.
- You what? - They are very hard to come by.
- But I pulled a few strings and it's all hers.
- Mom, Rory doesn't have a car.
No, but she's got a birthday coming up soon.
Okay, hold on a second.
Drella, please, a little softer.
Do I look like I got Panasonic stamped on my ass? Mom, you are not buying Rory a car.
Why not? She's a smart girl.
She's responsible.
- She doesn't need one.
- She needs to have a way to get around.
- To get to school.
- She'll be taking the bus.
I know.
I hate that she takes the bus.
Drug dealers take the bus.
You know what, Mom? I gotta go.
Fine.
We'll discuss this at a later date.
Okay.
Bye.
Mary.
- Me? - Yeah, you.
- My name is Rory.
- I'm Tristan.
- Hi.
- So you new? - Yeah, first day.
- Remmy's class is rough.
Yeah, it seemed very intense.
I could loan you my notes, if that would help.
- Really? That'd be great.
- Yeah? How great? I don't know.
Mr.
Remmy said that getting someone's notes would be I could even help you study if you want.
I kind of view studying as a solitary activity.
But thanks.
Bye, Mary.
It's Rory.
- I completely understand.
- Do you? Because this is a brand-new car.
- But I swear.
- He brings the car up and it's scratched.
I just backed the car up and I'd know if my car was scratched before I parked it or not.
Let's calm down.
Sir, why don't I have your car looked at tomorrow? - I'm sure we can find a way to resolve this.
- No.
In the meantime, I would love for you to have lunch here on me.
Dessert is a must.
Anything with our homemade ice cream is absolutely delicious.
I promise, life as you know it, will never be the same.
What do you say? I think I will.
- Thank you.
- Thank you.
- Lorelai, I swear, I didn't scratch his car.
- Derek.
I mean, if you thought I was unreliable or a bad driver It's okay.
'Cause I can drive.
Oh, sweetie.
I am sure you can.
We'll take it to Musky's tomorrow and have the guys look at it.
I'm sure they can buff it out for nothing.
Okay? Okay.
That's a real nice outfit you're wearing today.
Thank you, Derek.
Once again, your faithful pooch is here to say: "Please come to the desk.
Someone needs to talk to you.
" - It's not my mother, is it? - It's possible.
- It's possible? - There's a resemblance.
- Hi.
- Hi.
Is this a bad time? No, not at all.
What are you doing here? I had to meet an associate for lunch.
He was coming from New York.
So I thought, "Why not meet him in a beautiful inn?" - Good.
Enjoy your lunch.
- Thanks.
I will.
- Okay.
- And I was also wondering if maybe I could take you out to dinner sometime.
We're a little food-obsessed, aren't we? It's the company more than the food that interests me.
- I'm flattered.
- Is that a yes? That's a you're a dad.
And you're a mom.
Although I'm still finding that really hard to believe.
No, I mean, you're a Chilton dad.
- That sounds bad.
- Not bad.
Just tricky.
You know, Rory just started there and I should let her fall in with the bad crowd before I start hooking up with the PTA.
I'm not on the PTA.
See? There you go, I can't date anyone not on the PTA.
- It's just a casual dinner.
- Sorry.
Okay, I'll tell you what.
I'm going to China for a week on business.
When I get back, I'm going to try again.
China? Wow.
- Impressed? - No.
Rome, I'd be impressed.
China, I'm just, "China? Wow.
" "Lorelai Gilmore, General Manager.
" I'll talk to you soon.
- Have a safe trip.
- I will.
- He does that so well.
- You are making me sick.
Now, honey.
You try it.
I'll watch you walk away, too.
- Stop it.
- Go on now, walk.
- It can't be that bad.
- Leave me alone.
No.
You have to do it with a little more attitude.
Make me think you mean it.
That's lunch.
I'm sorry, but you're going to open.
Oh, no.
I am so sorry.
Paris, please, I'm so sorry.
It was an accident.
My locker, it just slipped.
I pulled too hard.
I didn't mean to Is there water in that moat? Get away from me.
Excuse me, I need Ms.
Ness.
History? It's behind you.
Of course it is.
You've got to be kidding me.
Seats now, please.
Hey, Mary.
Okay.
We left our projects off on Friday with Mr.
Gaynor so today we will pick up with Miss Geller.
I don't have my project.
Miss Geller, did you have sufficient time to complete your project? - Yes.
- And yet you don't have it done? - No.
- All right.
You will receive an "incomplete" for this project.
- It's my fault.
- Who are you? - Rory Gilmore.
I wrecked her project.
- Shut up.
I don't have a Rory Gilmore.
I have a Lorelai Gilmore.
That's me.
You are Rory and Lorelai Gilmore? Yes.
And I wrecked her project.
My locker got stuck.
Just stay out of this.
- Do you go by Rory or Lorelai? - Whatever.
It's not her fault.
- I need you to pick one.
- One what? One name.
- Rory.
- Fine.
Thank you.
You wrecked Paris' project when? - Just before class.
- Very convenient.
No, I did.
My locker got stuck, and when I opened it Stop it! Miss Gilmore, since you say you wrecked her project then you may help her fix it.
You have until tomorrow.
- Fine.
- No.
- Why not? - I don't want your help.
- But I don't mind doing it.
- Stay out of this.
What's wrong with you? - I'm trying to help.
- Don't.
Ladies, enough.
If you don't want Miss Gilmore's help, then you may have until tomorrow.
If it's not done, you will receive an "incomplete.
" Is that understood? Yes.
As long as you're standing, class we have a new student.
Say hello to Rory Gilmore.
Hello, Mary.
Now, walk smooth.
That's the new Harry Potter on your heads.
If they should drop, Harry will die, and there won't be any more books.
Now that's how you should've dressed this morning, missy.
What are you doing here? See now, that's why you were voted Mr.
Personality of the new millennium.
Where's your crown? I just mean you don't usually come in at this time.
I have to pick up Rory from school.
- Thank you.
- You're welcome.
No lectures? My blood sugar's low.
I'll eat an apple and get back to you.
God, this has been one hectic, bizarre day for me.
Yeah? This morning with the being late and my mom with her existing.
And this father from Chilton.
He drove out to the Inn all the way from Hartford just to ask me out.
Really? Are you going? No.
He's got a kid in school with Rory, and the whole thing seemed a little weird.
- Good.
- Good? Yeah, I think it's good that you turned him down.
Okay.
- I mean, he's probably old, right? - Old? - Yeah, I mean, he has a kid in high school.
- Well, so do I.
You were young when you had Rory.
Most people aren't that young.
- Most people are - Old.
Yeah.
Like this guy who asked me out.
But you're not going.
No, I'm not going.
Oh, that's me.
Hello? Hi, Babbette.
What? Okay.
No, I'll be right there.
Thanks.
I have to go.
Keep it.
I gave you decaf.
Lorelai, I'm so sorry I had to call you like this.
That's okay, Babbette.
I appreciate it.
All of a sudden, they pull up, get out of the truck, and start sniffing around.
- It's very strange.
- All right.
Let me talk to them.
- Tell her about the gnome.
- They kicked a gnome.
- What? - Right in the head.
- That's just not cool.
- I'm very sorry.
Is the gnome okay? He's fine, sugar.
Thanks for asking.
But I wouldn't trust these boys.
Gnome kicking says a lot about a man's character.
Yes.
I'm gonna go take care of this.
Thanks.
What are you doing? - You live here? - Yes, I do.
I'm supposed to install a DSL for a Lorelai Gilmore.
Is that you? - Yes, that's me.
- I'm Mick.
Nice to meet you.
Could you get off my porch? I was told to look for a ceramic frog with a key in it.
- I don't understand.
- We can't find the frog.
- I didn't order a DSL.
- The order was placed by Emily Gilmore.
No.
We would've been done, but the frog search put us way behind.
Look.
- I found it.
- You found the frog.
- It was a turtle, not a frog.
- It says here it's a frog.
- It's a turtle.
- Really? Trust me.
Listen, I'm afraid I'm gonna have to cancel that DSL order.
Sure? It's already paid for.
Yeah, I know, but we don't need a DSL so thanks for coming, and you guys can just go.
Is there a problem? Nothing Shakespeare couldn't turn into a really good play.
Let's try another passage.
"The Romanists have, with great adroitness" "drawn three walls round themselves" "with which they have hitherto protected themselves" "so that no one could reform them, whereby Christendom has fallen terribly.
" - Who said this? - Martin Luther.
Very good, Miss Gilmore.
And what year did Martin Luther address the Christian nobility? - 1520.
- Very good, Miss Gilmore.
Until next time, class.
Stay out of my way.
I will make this school a living hell for you.
See you tomorrow, Mary.
The name is Rory.
- Can I help you? - God, I wish.
What on earth - You're not buying us a DSL.
- Lorelai, this is hardly the place.
I canceled the order, and it's not happening.
But Rory needs the Internet for her school.
We have the Internet.
- This is faster.
- We like our Internet slow, okay? We can turn it on, walk around, do a little dance, make a sandwich.
With DSL, there's no dancing, no walking, and we'd starve.
It'd be all work and no play.
Haven't you seen The Shining? What on earth are you talking about? Also, there will be no cars, no parking spaces.
And all the uniforms will be supplied by me.
The mother.
That's final.
There will be no discussion.
- You're being stubborn as usual.
- No, I'm not being stubborn as usual.
I'm being me.
The same person who always needed to work out her own problems and take care of herself, because that's the way I was born.
- That's how I am! - Florence, I'm dripping.
I appreciate what you have done for Rory in paying for her school.
That will not be forgotten.
You won't let it.
But she is my daughter.
And I decide how we live, not you.
Now then do they validate parking here? There's a stamp at the desk.
Thank you.
Hey, you.
So, this whole plaid-skirt thing, my idea? My day sucked, too.
- Promise? - I swear on my mother's life.
- Not yet.
- Still hugging.
- So, I brought us some coffee.
- Why, I'm shocked.
Triple caps, easy foam.
If that doesn't work, we'll stick our fingers in a light socket.
Come here.
Wow, what, do they expect you to get smart all in one day? - They expect a lot of things.
- So, tell me.
I don't know.
It was just one big, long scary, tweedy, bad eight hours.
Add some hair spray, and you've got my day.
One of the girls already hates me.
The guys are weird.
- Weirder than other guys? - Yeah, they kept calling me Mary.
You're kidding me.
Wow, I can't believe they still say that.
- Why? What does it mean? - Mary, like Virgin Mary.
It means they think you look like a goody-goody.
- You're kidding.
- No.
What would they have called me if they thought I looked like a slut? They might have added a Magdalene to it.
Biblical insults.
This is an advanced school.
It was so weird not having you in school today.
I mean, I finally noticed some of the other kids.
Let me just say, they are a sad lot.
Yeah? Add a couple plaid skirts, and you've got the Chilton freaks.
- I totally miss you.
- I miss you.
Guys, I have an idea.
What about, on Tuesdays and Thursdays when I go to Hartford for my business class what if Lane comes along, and you guys can shop and study and join a cult and shave your heads? - Really? - All except the shaving your heads part.
Oh, no.
What time is it? - I'm late for dinner.
- Again? Lane, your mother is gonna kill me if I keep sending you home fed and happy.
I'm sorry.
But she found a website that sells tofu in bulk.
You're kidding, right? Yesterday, she went out and bought a bigger fridge.
Boy, honey, your life is scary.
- Can I have your crust? - It's the least I can do.
Thanks.
Bye.
A pizza for your thoughts.
I wish I could figure out a way to get Paris off my back.
Yeah, angry chicks are the worst.
When I was in high school, I had a Paris.
- Yeah? - Yeah, she was horrible.
- How'd you get rid of her? - I got pregnant and dropped out.
- What if I learn to French braid her hair? - Even better.
Sweetie, you can't let those kids get you down.
I know.
Do you want me to talk to anybody? A parent, a teacher, a big guy named Moose? - I'll just figure it out for myself.
- Okay.
What? I was thinking about the way Paris' face looked when I beat her to that Martin Luther question.
- Good? - Fourteen shades of purple.
- Cool.
- Tomorrow I'm shooting for 15.
What do you think of Luke? - What do you mean? - I mean, do you think he's cute? - No.
No way.
- No way, what? - You cannot date Luke.
- I said nothing about dating Luke.
If you date him, you'll break up and we'll never be able to eat there again.
I repeat, I said nothing about dating Luke.
Date Al from Pancake World, his food stinks.
I cannot believe what I'm hearing.
Al's food does not stink, Al stinks.