Ginger Snaps (2017) s01e02 Episode Script
Supply & Demand
[theme music.]
They're our strongest pledges to date.
What's the problem? [sighs.]
The pledges have made it through every pointless test we've put them through without even questioning it.
[music.]
Do they really think they'll ever have to climb a 20-foot wall carrying all those cookies? - This is Chernobyl.
- I thought you'd be happy.
Happiness is for people with no ambition.
Why don't we hold off on finding new Snaps? I know losing Mary was hard for you, but you can't fill that hole with rebound recruits.
It's hard for me to admit this, but you two - had a real friendship.
- Friendship? You think the Gingersnaps are about friendship? If I wanted to bond with a bunch of pre-pubes, - I would hang out at Hot Topic.
[sigh.]
- You can open up to me.
They're tough, obedient, and clearly desperate - to join the troop.
- They're exactly who we want.
This isn't ancient Rome.
Conquering the suburbs isn't as simple as getting the most land and raping the most women.
If we let all the pledges in, the Gingersnaps will stop seeming exclusive.
And if we stop seeming exclusive, - nobody will respect us.
- Don't do that.
Don't reiterate out loud for clarification.
I don't need a soundtrack for your very slow brain.
We need to thin the herd.
Thin the mm, sorry.
[whistle.]
[music.]
[all panting.]
Well done, ladies.
You're almost full-fledged Gingersnaps.
- Almost? - Mm-hmm.
There's one more test.
Is that a problem for you? No, of course not.
The word "almost" got me excited.
I'm dying to be a snap.
Literally, the excitement gave me a stomach ulcer.
Now the acid is leaking out and melting my intestines.
- That's how much I want this.
- Stop buttering us up.
Selling cookies is a key part of being a Snap, and we need to know you can get it done.
So for your last test, you have to sell 50 boxes of cookies in the next six hours.
This is worst than the time Susie Reynolds dared me to eat part of that fetal pig - in science class.
- Go.
Go, go, go.
[kaching.]
[kaching.]
[kaching.]
Look at these chumps making 2 and 3 box sales.
They'll never get to 50 like this.
[grunt.]
Is my squat deep enough? These girls want to sell cookies.
They don't get it.
They aren't selling cookies.
We're selling ourselves.
We can't go in there.
You know who lives in there.
- It's supply and demand.
- No.
It's my turn to save you.
You stopped me from eating that suspicious yogurt last week.
It was so moldy, it was sentient.
And from drowning in that weirdly deep puddle last year.
It was a swimming pool.
And from putting my finger in that socket when we were four.
We both know that wasn't your finger.
You know, for a Beta Scout, you have - really bad survival skills.
- I can't let you go in there.
[clang.]
[doorbell.]
[creak.]
[dramatic music.]
Good evening, Mr.
Fingers.
I'm sorry to bother you so late, but can I talk to you about something? Inside? - Do your parents know you're here? - Nope.
And they don't need to.
[chirp.]
[static.]
Thanks.
I love almond milk, but you can't beat cow.
So what did you want to talk to me about? My cookies.
You're always driving around in your van, offering kids candy.
- I don't do that anymore! - I've seen you behind the arcade, in front of the frozen yogurt stand, outside the water park.
What's your point? I thought maybe I could sway you to switch it up give out cookies instead of caramels.
Kids go bananas for caramel.
Give me one reason I would stray from a classic.
Can I keep it real with you, Mr.
F? Selling 50 boxes of these cookies is all that's keeping me from becoming a Gingersnap.
And I want it.
Bad! I'll do anything.
Why don't you drink your milk? [swishy swish.]
Mm, I like my milk room temp.
Lucky for you, that was sitting out for a couple of hours.
Great.
[slurp.]
[spit.]
[chirp.]
[squawking.]
- No! [squawk.]
- Ah! [crash.]
What have you done?! [scream.]
Get away from me! [splat.]
[thud.]
[inaudible.]
Why are your birds psychopaths? Sugar.
S sugar makes them go wild.
Hide! I have an idea.
What is that supposed to do? [screech.]
The milk roofies were supposed to sedate them.
- You roofied the milk? - You roofied the milk! Why would I roofie the milk? - You you thought I was a - Are you not a [dramatic music.]
Then why are you always hanging around, - giving candy to children? - I'm Tammy's dad.
But her mom won't let me see her, so I have to sneak around to games and stuff.
- That's still very creepy.
- But not illegal.
It feels like it might also be illegal.
[squawk.]
[smack.]
Ah! Forget these paltry fowl.
We gotta make a run for it.
- Ready? - You go.
I can't abandon them.
They might be evil, but they make me feel like I have a greater purpose, like I belong somewhere.
My ex-wife never understood.
That's why we're divorced now.
I get that.
It's nice to find somewhere you belong.
[kaching.]
- Godspeed.
- To us both.
[music.]
[war shout.]
[smack.]
MR.
FINGERS: Ben Affleck the Bird, calm yourself.
Bruce Vilance, you're getting your feathers everywhere.
[slam.]
[panting.]
[clears throat.]
- You waited for me? - Never leave a man behind.
And never let a woman think you left her behind, because then you'll have to hear her complain about it forever.
Or something.
That's what my dad says.
He hates women.
What happened? - I sold 50.
- I sold 51.
Well done, Number 5.
- Uh, I'm Pledge Number 2 - I don't care.
- I sold 250 boxes.
- GIRLS: Wow.
GIRL: You're so in.
[gasp.]
- Ee! - Hm.
[squeaking.]
You failed.
[thwack.]
Hm.
Greasy fingers, rookie mistake.
This isn't over.
I'm gonna be a Snap one way or another.
[grunt.]
How does Jane Fonda do it? [sigh.]
They're our strongest pledges to date.
What's the problem? [sighs.]
The pledges have made it through every pointless test we've put them through without even questioning it.
[music.]
Do they really think they'll ever have to climb a 20-foot wall carrying all those cookies? - This is Chernobyl.
- I thought you'd be happy.
Happiness is for people with no ambition.
Why don't we hold off on finding new Snaps? I know losing Mary was hard for you, but you can't fill that hole with rebound recruits.
It's hard for me to admit this, but you two - had a real friendship.
- Friendship? You think the Gingersnaps are about friendship? If I wanted to bond with a bunch of pre-pubes, - I would hang out at Hot Topic.
[sigh.]
- You can open up to me.
They're tough, obedient, and clearly desperate - to join the troop.
- They're exactly who we want.
This isn't ancient Rome.
Conquering the suburbs isn't as simple as getting the most land and raping the most women.
If we let all the pledges in, the Gingersnaps will stop seeming exclusive.
And if we stop seeming exclusive, - nobody will respect us.
- Don't do that.
Don't reiterate out loud for clarification.
I don't need a soundtrack for your very slow brain.
We need to thin the herd.
Thin the mm, sorry.
[whistle.]
[music.]
[all panting.]
Well done, ladies.
You're almost full-fledged Gingersnaps.
- Almost? - Mm-hmm.
There's one more test.
Is that a problem for you? No, of course not.
The word "almost" got me excited.
I'm dying to be a snap.
Literally, the excitement gave me a stomach ulcer.
Now the acid is leaking out and melting my intestines.
- That's how much I want this.
- Stop buttering us up.
Selling cookies is a key part of being a Snap, and we need to know you can get it done.
So for your last test, you have to sell 50 boxes of cookies in the next six hours.
This is worst than the time Susie Reynolds dared me to eat part of that fetal pig - in science class.
- Go.
Go, go, go.
[kaching.]
[kaching.]
[kaching.]
Look at these chumps making 2 and 3 box sales.
They'll never get to 50 like this.
[grunt.]
Is my squat deep enough? These girls want to sell cookies.
They don't get it.
They aren't selling cookies.
We're selling ourselves.
We can't go in there.
You know who lives in there.
- It's supply and demand.
- No.
It's my turn to save you.
You stopped me from eating that suspicious yogurt last week.
It was so moldy, it was sentient.
And from drowning in that weirdly deep puddle last year.
It was a swimming pool.
And from putting my finger in that socket when we were four.
We both know that wasn't your finger.
You know, for a Beta Scout, you have - really bad survival skills.
- I can't let you go in there.
[clang.]
[doorbell.]
[creak.]
[dramatic music.]
Good evening, Mr.
Fingers.
I'm sorry to bother you so late, but can I talk to you about something? Inside? - Do your parents know you're here? - Nope.
And they don't need to.
[chirp.]
[static.]
Thanks.
I love almond milk, but you can't beat cow.
So what did you want to talk to me about? My cookies.
You're always driving around in your van, offering kids candy.
- I don't do that anymore! - I've seen you behind the arcade, in front of the frozen yogurt stand, outside the water park.
What's your point? I thought maybe I could sway you to switch it up give out cookies instead of caramels.
Kids go bananas for caramel.
Give me one reason I would stray from a classic.
Can I keep it real with you, Mr.
F? Selling 50 boxes of these cookies is all that's keeping me from becoming a Gingersnap.
And I want it.
Bad! I'll do anything.
Why don't you drink your milk? [swishy swish.]
Mm, I like my milk room temp.
Lucky for you, that was sitting out for a couple of hours.
Great.
[slurp.]
[spit.]
[chirp.]
[squawking.]
- No! [squawk.]
- Ah! [crash.]
What have you done?! [scream.]
Get away from me! [splat.]
[thud.]
[inaudible.]
Why are your birds psychopaths? Sugar.
S sugar makes them go wild.
Hide! I have an idea.
What is that supposed to do? [screech.]
The milk roofies were supposed to sedate them.
- You roofied the milk? - You roofied the milk! Why would I roofie the milk? - You you thought I was a - Are you not a [dramatic music.]
Then why are you always hanging around, - giving candy to children? - I'm Tammy's dad.
But her mom won't let me see her, so I have to sneak around to games and stuff.
- That's still very creepy.
- But not illegal.
It feels like it might also be illegal.
[squawk.]
[smack.]
Ah! Forget these paltry fowl.
We gotta make a run for it.
- Ready? - You go.
I can't abandon them.
They might be evil, but they make me feel like I have a greater purpose, like I belong somewhere.
My ex-wife never understood.
That's why we're divorced now.
I get that.
It's nice to find somewhere you belong.
[kaching.]
- Godspeed.
- To us both.
[music.]
[war shout.]
[smack.]
MR.
FINGERS: Ben Affleck the Bird, calm yourself.
Bruce Vilance, you're getting your feathers everywhere.
[slam.]
[panting.]
[clears throat.]
- You waited for me? - Never leave a man behind.
And never let a woman think you left her behind, because then you'll have to hear her complain about it forever.
Or something.
That's what my dad says.
He hates women.
What happened? - I sold 50.
- I sold 51.
Well done, Number 5.
- Uh, I'm Pledge Number 2 - I don't care.
- I sold 250 boxes.
- GIRLS: Wow.
GIRL: You're so in.
[gasp.]
- Ee! - Hm.
[squeaking.]
You failed.
[thwack.]
Hm.
Greasy fingers, rookie mistake.
This isn't over.
I'm gonna be a Snap one way or another.
[grunt.]
How does Jane Fonda do it? [sigh.]