GLOW (2017) s01e02 Episode Script

1 [Roxette's "The Look" playing.]
[tires screeching.]
- [horn blares.]
- Shit.
[grunts.]
Never was a quitter Tasty like a raindrop She's got the look Heavenly bound 'Cause heaven's got a number When she's spinning me around Kissing is a color Her loving is a wild dog She's got the look Oh, fuck me! Why? Are you okay? I forgot my shoes.
Yeah, I knew there was a reason I was supposed to go home.
I think I have an extra pair in my trunk.
I'm a seven.
[groans.]
From my waitressing days.
Hm.
Where'd you waitress, a nursing home in Poland? [chuckles.]
She's got the look She goes, na na na na na Na na na na na na na - [Rhonda.]
Hey! - [Jenny.]
Hi! [Rhonda.]
Thank God it's Friday! [Dawn.]
TGIF! [chuckles.]
[chattering.]
What in the world Can make a brown-eyed girl turn blue? [Carmen.]
Yeah.
Then you just fall.
When everything I'll ever do I do for you And I go, la la la la She's got the look What in the world Can make you so blue? Ow! Na na na na na It's kinda bouncy.
[chuckles.]
But also kind of made of wood and steel.
[whooping.]
I love that sound.
[in gruff voice.]
Adrian! - Hey, yo, Adrian! - [all laughing.]
[Sam.]
Rocky! Get down from there.
That's right, I came back.
Don't all applaud at once.
Okay.
Light of day.
Who'd I hire? Who are you people? All right Coming in.
[grunts.]
- [women laugh.]
- [Dawn.]
Ooh! Oh! Okay.
[exhales.]
Why don't we do this: When I point at you, you tell me your name, and if you have any special skills or hidden talents, favorite sex positions.
- Who wants to go first? - [Melrose clears throat.]
Yes, underwear-as-outerwear girl.
Hit me.
Hi, I'm Melanie Rose.
Call me Melrose.
And my special skill is that I'm not fucking boring.
Like, I can wake up in the morning with absolutely nothing to do and just be in a Van Halen video by the end of the day.
Um Oh, also, uh Any position with my legs over my head.
Okay.
I dig it.
I like the whole "please objectify me" vibe.
- Thank you.
- Tremendous.
Wolf lady, what's your story? Sheila.
Sheila.
And I have a very acute sense of smell.
Yeah? What cologne am I wearing? Drakkar Noir.
Trick question.
Not wearing cologne.
But I do spray that on my clothes if I forget to do laundry, so points for that.
- Good.
- Yeah.
I love points.
Where's my real actress? Where's Strindberg? - Oh.
Here! - [Sam.]
Mm-hmm.
Know any good party tricks? Um I can do, um Audrey Hepburn winning an Oscar for Roman Holiday.
- Hmm.
- [Ruth clears throat.]
[imitating Hepburn.]
I'm truly, truly grateful and terribly happy.
[chuckles.]
- Very winsome.
- [in normal voice.]
Yeah.
Where's your friend? Oh.
Um Who? That smoking hot blond who kicked your ass the other day.
How come she's not here? She's probably at home in Pasadena with her baby.
Why isn't she here? She's not supposed to be here.
She wasn't auditioning.
She just came to stomp the homewrecker.
[Rhonda.]
Mm-hmm.
Oh! Oh I see what happened.
You all thought that was real, didn't you? - Mm-hmm.
- Yeah.
[chuckles.]
No, we planned that.
Oh, my gosh, of course! This makes total sense.
She's on a soap.
You're on a soap? [Jenny.]
No, not her, the pretty one.
The one who slapped her.
She's Laura Morgan on Paradise Cove.
- [all gasp.]
- Until until she had to have reconstructive surgery after a year-long coma.
Also known as getting written off the show.
- But I love her, she's great.
- Wait, what's her name? Debbie Eagan.
- Debbie Eagan.
- Yeah.
She was also in one episode of Murder, She Wrote.
I watch a lot of Murder, She Wrote and Wheel of Fortune, TV in general.
Are you done? 'Cause some of us like to work.
- We starting? - [Sam.]
Yeah.
I'm gonna take a piss first.
So, why don't you guys stretch it out? Get ready.
[chattering.]
Ugh.
Honey, you still doing blow? What? No.
I'm just, uh Checking drivers licenses.
You know, women lie about their age all the time.
What happened to that coach? - I fired him.
- What? You fired the only guy with any wrestling experience? I don't want to make a dumb wrestling show.
I don't wanna just take things out of the playbook.
- You trying to fuck this up, too? - Come on.
I gave you another job.
I don't see a lot of directors giving you on-camera work.
Oh, no.
We both haven't worked in a while, so let's not get into a pissing contest.
Look, we work good together, right? Let's just get out there and deal with these amateurs you hired.
Okay, let's do that.
- Wanna? - [Melrose.]
Were you guys about to bone? I can pee in a bucket, I don't care.
I'm married.
But we did.
1978.
It was me, her, and her husband.
You don't remember? You need to pee? Pee.
Jeez.
- Don't bring shit up like that, man.
- What? History is a beautiful thing.
Oh! I haven't talked to you since the You know, the The whole - What? - Uh womb goof.
- Miscarriage? - Yeah.
I was trying to come up with a tactful euphemism.
[Melrose.]
I hear nothing.
Not hearing anything.
[whispers.]
It was two years ago, and I'm fine.
Again, can you keep my business to yourself? Just trying to be sensitive.
[Sam.]
Oh, yes.
[Cherry.]
What the hell are you up to? [Sam.]
Hold on.
Here we go.
Okay.
I got my methods.
Trust me.
Oh, I trust him.
Who doesn't trust a man with a mustache full of coke? [Sam.]
All right, angels.
Looking very, uh, bend-y.
That's good.
That's good.
I gotta split for a few, all right? Cherry's gonna be training you today.
- Excuse me? - [Sam.]
That's right.
Come on.
Cherry is a bona fide badass on the outside.
On the inside she's like a marshmallow, like a Mallomar.
And who doesn't like Mallomars, right, baby? Why you look so surprised? Listen When I get back I want to see some moves.
Some slamma jammas, some whammos.
You know, anything that makes it look like we might just pull this thing off.
If you need help, ask the big one.
- I don't know anything about wrestling.
- Not you.
The other one.
From the wrestling family.
With the cheeks, over there.
Hi, guys.
- Hi.
- Hi.
All right, great.
Listen to Cherry.
Be nice.
Do something.
- Make it happen.
- Wait Where's he going? [Melrose.]
Thank you.
[Ruth.]
He can't leave.
He's not gonna be here - [indistinct chatter.]
- Yo, shut up! Sorry, um Carmen, help me out.
Okay.
- I wanna start with a hold and release.
- Like a lockup? - Yep.
Show me.
- Okay.
A lockup, it's kind of like dancing when you first start, so Just Okay.
So, we start here first.
This way I can tell you which way to go.
- So, I'll lead and you follow.
Okay? - Okay.
Yeah.
Okay, so, if I wanted to put you in, say, a headlock.
I do [clamoring.]
- This? - I think so.
[Cherry.]
All right, pair up.
Give it a shot.
- [Reggie.]
Sorry.
- [Dawn.]
Okay? [Carmen.]
I'll grab you.
[Reggie.]
So, I think it's - [Arthie.]
Step into it.
- [Jenny.]
Okay.
[Carmen.]
Okay, that's great.
[upbeat theme song playing.]
[baby suckling.]
Ow! Fuck! Fuck, Randy! Ow! Why are you smiling? I'm bleeding.
Ow! Shitty little biter.
[woman on TV.]
I'm only trying to help.
- [doorbell rings.]
- There you go again [Sam.]
Hey.
Debbie Eagan.
Sam Sylvia, director.
You came by, did a little skit at my gym the other day.
Oh.
Not a skit.
And whatever it is you want, I don't have time for it.
What is that? It's a Pound Puppy for the barnacle.
That's a rabbit.
Can I come in? [both singing.]
Hold me now Oh, oh, warm my heart Stay with me, let loving start Let loving start One, two, three.
Ah, ah, oh Hold me now Some of us are trying to work.
They're slow dancing.
They just fully did a spin.
[chuckles.]
Ow! [Reggie.]
That's not what we practiced.
Oh, my gosh.
All right, um You.
- And you.
- Oh.
- [Cherry.]
Let's see what you got.
- [Melrose.]
Okay.
Come on, drama nerd.
Hold me now.
Okay.
I think it's like this.
Now And then I think I'm gonna spin around, and we're gonna put your arm around my neck.
Okay.
Then here, like this, and then just sort of in like this.
[girls laughing.]
Melanie, do the moves.
Those are my moves, kid.
I mean, they're the moves that got me cast in the porn dance party in Body Double.
Please, as if you worked with De Palma.
I did.
So - [yells.]
- Ow! - Strindberg, you okay? - I'm fine.
I'm fine.
What the fuck was that? I took her by surprise.
You know, to win.
That's the whole point of the whole thing.
The point is to do it safely.
- You could've seriously hurt her.
- It's all part of the process.
Ah.
Delayed pain.
[Cherry.]
I don't have time to deal with spoiled bitches who don't take anything seriously.
[scoffs.]
- You don't even know me.
- Oh, sweetie, I know you.
You never had a real job, your daddy pays all your bills, but you don't let anyone know unless you're really drunk.
You drive a limo because you want someone, anyone, to think you're interesting.
Tell me I'm wrong.
You got this job 'cause you fucked the director.
Oh, man.
I got this job because I'm a pro, and I know how to make these moves look real.
You think that this shit looks real? Ever get in a street fight, and you're like, "Careful for my neck.
Just make sure to do it safely"? It's fucking fake.
Okay.
Come at me.
Make it look as real as you want.
Okay.
Oh, my God! [moans.]
Hyah, hyah, hyah! Cherry Cherry [mutters.]
That's lunch.
- Nice place.
- Yeah? Once we get divorced, wanna buy it? It has a new trash compactor, just installed.
- So, you're gonna leave him? - Why, you wanna have sex with him, too? I have no idea what I'm going to do.
My wife cheated on me with my Steadicam operator.
Not my best friend, but technically I was paying him to fuck my wife.
So, the next day I walked out.
I quit the marriage.
I quit the movie.
I even left my dog.
Got on a plane for Vegas, two weeks later, I woke up, felt a lot better about myself.
Thank you, that's great advice.
I'll just, uh leave my baby on a stranger's doorstep and get blackout drunk.
Why are you here? Did I break something on your set? Debbie, I've been casting this thing for weeks.
I mean, just raking the gutter because who gives a shit? - Yeah.
- Then you come outta nowhere, just burst in like some Greek goddess of rage, and I saw it.
I saw it, Debbie.
Like a vision before a seizure.
The whole show.
And you, you were in the middle of the ring.
You want me to wrestle? I want you to be my lead.
I've got girls who can do the splits, they can cut hair, but I don't have a star.
I need a star.
Excuse me.
Okay, I'm I'm sorry, I can't handle this, and I'm not acting anymore.
Bullshit! You know what I think? You're pretty.
You got big boobs, and those soap writers didn't count on you having brains.
Am I right? You asked too many questions, you maybe improvised a few too many lines, and then, boom, Sleeping Beauty.
Yeah, if you wanna do something more than nod and eat a salad, and make a pretty cry-face, you are punished.
I don't wanna punish you, Debbie.
I want that cavewoman anger.
I want those crazy faces of agony.
I mean you're like Grace Kelly on steroids.
And I wanna put that on television every single week, Debbie.
You're just saying that to get me to join your circus.
Yes, true.
But I mean it.
Fuck salads.
Fuck tiny moments in close-up.
Fuck polite and comatose.
Is there a script, or [scoffs.]
I don't know why I'm asking.
- What the fuck am I doing? - Just come down, check it out for an hour.
You don't have to say anything, do anything.
If you don't wanna be part of it, I'll drive you home.
Door to door, like a perfect gentleman.
What about Ruth? Who? Her? Oh.
Fuck her.
I cut her the first day of callbacks.
- [Ruth.]
Can we get four burgers, - [Melrose.]
One with cheese.
- four fries - [Melrose.]
Five.
extra ketchup and mustard on the side and two Diet Pepsis and one Pepsi regular, and that's it.
Ooh.
And a milkshake! Oh, and get this girl a milkshake.
On me.
- Thanks.
- We're in training, so we have to bulk up.
- Twenty even.
- [mutters.]
I think I have some change.
Thanks.
Um - I don't think you're allowed to do that.
- Well, I need to chill the fuck out 'cause some crazy stunt-cunt just tried to murder me.
- That was a sleeper hold.
- That was a lawsuit.
Who does that bitch think she is? This morning, she was just another schmucky actress in a Kmart leotard, and now she's going around knocking people unconscious? Who died and made her the black Nurse Ratched? The director did.
He said, "She's in charge.
" The point is I could've died.
Maybe you did die.
[chuckles.]
Maybe we're all dead and this is the afterlife.
Are you already high? No.
No one passed it to me, and I've been waiting because I'm polite.
Oh.
- Thanks.
- I think Cherry's doing the best she can.
Oh, yeah? You big into dictators? I don't know how things work in the music video world, but at least she's trying to make us an ensemble.
Usually in this industry, it's every man for himself, and it's almost always a man, telling you your ass is too fat at the same time he's trying to grope it.
And having a woman in charge instead of that Sackballs guy? [scoffs.]
This is as good as it gets.
If you're into the sisterhood, maybe you shouldn't have fucked your friend's husband.
- I didn't.
- Dude I am the Cézanne of bullshit artists.
- [man.]
Number 18.
- Oh, that's us.
[clears throat.]
Oh, you owe me 20 bucks.
Thank you.
Okay, ladies, back to the Isle of Lesbos! [grunting.]
[Cherry.]
Guys, this looks awesome.
You're getting it.
Great.
Let's move to actual back bumps.
Yeah? Let's go.
All right.
So, it goes a little something like this.
It's like a belly flop, but on your back.
Let's give it a shot.
Carmen, kick us off.
- [Jenny.]
Yeah.
Get it, girl.
- [Dawn.]
Come on, Carmen! [cheering and applause.]
- Yes.
- She can do it, I can do it.
I like it.
All right, who's next? [Melrose.]
Know what, I'll try.
- All right.
- Okay.
[Melrose clears throat.]
Shit, that was a disaster.
Let me try again, I can do better.
Okay.
Crap, I can do it better.
Can I go one more time? - You're fine.
- I wanna push myself.
I wanna work harder.
Okay.
[grunts.]
Oh, my fuck! No! - [groans.]
Oh, fuck! - Oh Oh [exclaims.]
Oh, my God! What is happening? I thought I might be pregnant.
I put my body through too much trauma today.
- This is so painful.
- Okay.
- Am I having a miscarriage? - All right - [Arthie.]
Okay, I'm pre-med.
- [Melrose.]
Fuck, no.
Are you cramping? Are you experiencing any other symptoms of pain? Oh, fuck.
Eh.
[exhales.]
Bummer.
How am I gonna tell Adam Ant that our precious little baby turned out to be a womb goof? - [Arthie.]
What? - Get out of my ring.
De-fucking-lighted.
[Sam.]
Ladies, get out your autograph books.
I want you to meet the new star of GLOW, - this is TV's own Debbie Morgan.
- Eagan.
- Debbie Eagan.
- Where the hell have you been? Working my ass off.
I drove to fucking Pasadena in the middle of the day.
Are you insane? Am I on fucking Candid Camera? Why is she still here? - Oh, her.
Yeah.
I do Look - While you been gone - we done a lot of fuckin' around.
- Take me home.
Give me your fucking keys.
- I'm taking your car.
- Just a second.
We got miscarriage bullshit to show you.
- What? - Now I have your attention? You, just stop talking.
Just give me a minute.
Okay? Just give me a minute.
Honey.
Honey, come with me.
Come on.
It's gonna be all right.
Don't stand up straight.
- I'm - You have to be submissive.
She's the Alpha and you're the Omega.
- I'm - [Sheila.]
You're gonna provoke her.
- Let me just - Slouch toward the ground.
Now, slouch.
[whispers.]
Submit.
- [Debbie.]
What's the plan? - [Sam.]
Sit down She might kill you.
[Sam.]
smooth it all out.
It's gonna be fun.
[sighs.]
What are you doing? - She's submitting.
- No, don't even talk to me.
Look down.
Get low.
- Put your muzzle to the ground.
- Okay, can Can everyone just be nice? All right? Let's just be nice.
- Okay, here you go.
- Hi.
Okay.
- No, what is that? - Okay, okay.
I know, I know, I lied.
It's not about the lie, it's about where the lie takes you.
Follow? So, just let me put this fire out.
Fifteen minutes, Confucius.
And only because it's rush hour.
It'll still be rush hour in 15 minutes.
Hi.
[Sam grunts.]
So, what is this miscarriage bullshit? Why don't you show him? Oh, no, it was more of a one-time thing.
You like attention so much, come on, show him.
[groans.]
Fuck.
And then I said, "Oh, God, the baby!" You know, "What's happening to the baby?" And then I, you know, squirted ketchup out of my vagina.
That was terrible.
I didn't buy a single second of that.
But, let's not throw out the baby with the bathwater.
Oh, sorry, maybe it's a wrong metaphor.
Sorry.
I think there's something here.
I know you were just being an asshole, but if this were a real scene there'd be context, there'd be circumstances, there'd be characters, right? Legacy? - Um - All right, let's get inside this thing.
What happened? The miscarriage, was it an accident? Was it bad sushi? She was kicked in the stomach by her Guatemalan swim coach who was jealous she lost her virginity to the captain of the diving team.
Wow.
Good.
Good.
Kick in the stomach, I like that.
Swim coach, I don't know.
We can lose him.
We need a better assailant.
What animal would kick a pregnant woman in the belly? What kind of person would ruin the life of a gorgeous, successful, pregnant woman? What kind of homewrecker would do that? Ruth! Doesn't seem like too much of a stretch for you.
Come in the ring, join us.
I want to, but I'm really not feeling well.
Gene Kelly had the flu when he did the title number of Singin' in the Rain.
It's true, he did.
Look at this asshole.
She doesn't care about anyone but herself.
She's gonna destroy lives.
Even tiny lives that haven't started yet.
You're a horrible person and you don't deserve to live.
I think I deserve to live.
Hey, Uta Hagen.
Just take some fucking direction for a minute.
Is that too much to ask? It's not about you.
I'm trying to see if the skit works.
Now circle the other one.
Go.
Okay, good.
Okay, shit-stirrer, let's work on your side.
If there's one thing I learned in my illustrious career, is that you can't rely on a blood rig to sell a performance.
Who are you? What kind of woman were you before you lost everything? - I feel like I was - Wait, I got it.
You're smart.
You're ambitious - Talented.
- [giggles.]
But nobody sees that.
All they see is the blonde knockout.
- I'm not blond.
- Shut the fuck up.
Okay.
- He's talking about me.
- They're talking about her.
- [Stacey.]
That makes sense.
- [Sam.]
Now, here you are, you're ripe.
Fecund.
A custodian of new life.
You're a fertile harvest goddess.
Now pull your shoulders back, and strut like you own the ring.
What is that? - Oh, I added - I said strut.
Like you own the ring.
- [Melrose.]
Yeah, but - [Sam.]
No.
That's like a saunter.
All right.
Okay, now stick your belly out a little bit, you're pregnant.
Everything is fine.
Everything is ideal.
Until the homewrecker arrives.
She has nothing.
No man, no love, no friends.
Her hair is brown, the color of shit.
All right.
Now, lunge and miss.
Wake up, Ruth! Time to act.
Lunge and miss.
Yes.
Great.
Now it's time for the big move.
You're gonna kick her in the stomach, set off a miscarriage that will ruin not one life, not two lives, but three lives in the process.
Let's go! Kick, it's like a punch with your leg.
Can I do the lockup instead, where I hug her? Oh, my God.
No.
Kick.
[shouts, groans.]
Yeah.
Give words to the pain.
[Melrose.]
Oh, my God, it hurts! Fuck! Am I having a miscarriage? Ah! Oh, no! [groans.]
- Am I bleeding? - Give me the ketchup.
I feel like I'm bleeding! Oh, someone help! Since we're not making Apocalypse Now, let's add a little fun back in.
Yeah.
Now that is a fuckin' miscarriage.
Hey.
So? How's my star? You got your own dressing room yet? What happened? Hey.
Hey, baby.
Come on, talk to me.
What's up? What's wrong? Sorry, um It just got a little intense.
I'm fine.
Okay.
- Keith, my man.
What's happening? - Hey, brother, you look like shit.
I know, I know.
I'm not aging well.
I'm not aging well.
[laughs.]
What do you want, Sam? Hey, look, I know it was tough today.
All right? But I'm a director, I'll do what I need to get what I want.
- That's pretty clear.
- If you keep doing what you did today, I'll make sure we get you double your salary.
It's only fair.
Actor and trainer.
You do it all, like Bruce Lee.
Come on, what do you say? - I'll think about it.
See you tomorrow.
- All right, you think about it.
- Good to see you.
- All right.
- Car looks good.
- Thank you, thank you.
That was a yes, right? Baby, we need to redo the bathroom.
Come on.
Hey! Are you joining the team? Is she joining the team? It's hard to pass up a starring role.
So, we need to pick up Randy from my parents' house, and I need chow fun from Two Panda Deli.
[Sam.]
Okay.
So, uh So, I'm fired? No! Are you an idiot? You're chum.
You're blood in the water.
Debbie's the hero and you're the villain.
Everybody's gonna hate you! - I don't want everyone to hate me.
- Oh, Christ.
Crying, caring, the desperation That's what makes you unbearable.
Look, I don't like you, Strindberg, take that in.
Hold on to it.
Try not giving a fuck.
There's a lot of power in that.
And relax, the devil gets all the best lines.
["We Don't Get Along" by The Go-Go's playing.]
Somehow you always get me wrong - [horn honks.]
- [Melrose.]
Watch it, homewrecker! My shoes! Bye.
You leave me broken And you don't realize Everything is all right And then you apologize The things that really matter to me They just pass you by Well, somehow You always get me wrong Somehow, you always get me wrong Somehow, you always get me wrong Well, I guess we just don't get along