Good Vibes (2011) s01e02 Episode Script

"" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" "" [Eyes blinking noise.]
"" I know, I'll be safe, mom.
You're a good child.
[Mmmwaa.]
I trust your judgment.
- You pinned a condom on me, didn't you? - What? Those shorts don't have pockets.
- I have a business proposition for you, woodford.
- [sighs.]
- Mmm.
- Didn't you just have a cigar? - That was the cigar before the cigar.
You have a lot to learn, son.
That's why this week, you're coming to work for me.
- But this is my one week to do nothing but surf.
- Look, I'm not sure if you're aware of this, But I took quite a bit of flak For the company's last commercial spot.
At the stone corporation, We don't make the breast implant.
We make it larger.
We don't make the field-hockey stick.
At the stone corporation, we genuinely believe That we're making the world a better place every day By making it a little easier on the eyes.
Unfortunately, our profits have been in decline Because of my public image.
[grunting.]
That's a problem, And you're the solution.
- Why me? - My shareholders will shake hands With the heir to my throne and realize That I've built a family company, That I have values, morals, and a love for all living things.
[animal shrieks.]
Picture us side-by-side, Father and son spending quality time.
- Sorry, dad.
That doesn't sound like quality time to me.
- You're playing harall.
I respect that.
But in my experience, a no is just a delayed yes.
[tires screech.]
- Spring break ladies, show me your-- [wind blows.]
Balls! - You okay, dude? - No, woody.
Where's all the easily accessible booze, The drunk college girls, With their lowered sexual standards? I was supposed to be statutory-raped this week! That was always the plan! - I hate to break it to you, bro, but playa del toro Has never been a big spring break destination.
- Not true, muchachos.
Let me show you something.
Way before your time, there was a year called 1992.
Public toilets didn't flush themselves.
You could wear a jean jacket without looking gay.
And, if you were so inclined, You could get absolutely plastered on the beach, Without waking up in handcuffs! And it looked a little like this.
Or exactly like this, because this is it, man.
- That was here? - On the very same sand.
- Why would they make it illegal to drink on the beach? - I don't make the laws, boys.
[inhales.]
I just live by them.
[coughs.]
- Hey, boys! - Mom? - Yeah, I'm going to need that tape thing And the mysterious machine that plays it.
- Sure, help yourself to whatever you want, Except for the commemorative princess di plates.
[tearful.]
goodbye, England's rose.
[cheering.]
- [retches.]
- That should have been me! - Dude, we have everything we need For a kick-ass spring break right here.
We got tunes [radio dies.]
We got babes And a warm matt's semi-hard lemonade.
Who am I kidding? This is so-- - Fantastic? Ooh! Fit women and fine liquor.
What a spread.
You two know how to live.
May I join you? [police siren.]
- Is that an alcoholic beverage on the beach? - Oh, I'm so sorry, officers.
I had no idea I was in any violation of--unh! You'll never take me alive, [bleep.]
! [vocalizing.]
[gun cocks.]
- Dude, are you kidding me? For underage drinking? - He's underage? That's a far more serious offense.
[rifle cocks.]
Well, beyond our jurisdiction.
- You boys have a great day.
Let's go do some racial profiling.
- Unh! Did you see that? The long arm of the law reached for me But I gave those officers the reach-around! - What did they mean by "jurisdiction"? - We've got to research this.
If only there was a place where this kind of information Was readily available to the public.
[phones beep.]
- Technically, there are holes in the globe That don't fall under the law of any one nation.
- International waters.
- So if we're floating 20 feet away from the shore-- - We could do-- - Whatever we damn well please.
[laughs.]
[groovy rock music.]
[police siren.]
- We did a little research.
According to howstuffworks.
Com, you boys are still subject To the laws of this coastline.
- Read this, lawmen! "on the open seas, a vessel is subject to the laws Of the country's flag it flies.
" - And in jamaica [jamaican accent.]
there be no drinking age at all, man.
[reggae music.]
- Posted.
Just changed my status on facebook to "legally drunk.
" - Does jeena check your facebook page? - It's legal to drink off the shore? - Can't hear you over the racehorse, baby.
I'll be out in a minute.
[laughs.]
- And jeena's friends with - A party in the ocean? And they laughed when I paid $11,000 For a louis vuitton inner tube.
- And milan is friends with everyone! [music plays over ultrasound.]
- baby baby baby oh - It's definitely a boy.
[phone rings.]
- Ignore? That's even ruder than not answering.
[phones ringing.]
[reggae music.]
- Get the beads.
+ - Five quarters and a yellow sweet tart.
- Oh, I should have known open mic night was a mistake.
- So I was flying on an airplane last week And the person who was in the seat next to me [belches.]
Was me.
- I don't think that's it.
- It's called "floatopia," And it could be the biggest spring break party of all time.
Apparently the founding fathers of the event Are these three students from playa del toro high school.
- Mondo? [cheering.]
[scattered groans.]
- Hello! - [disgusted grunt.]
[phone rings.]
- hey, ma.
It's amazing! A girl did a body shot off me, It tickled, and now I'm a little sticky, but I loved it.
- It sounds like it's time for some stern parenting.
Don't you think? - Whoo! Why are clothes still on? - Well, okay, I'm a little worried, But I'm going to trust you on this one, honey.
- Hi! - [frustrated sigh.]
why does that weird little kid Have so many sexy bathing suits? [party music.]
[cheering.]
- Chip off the old brock.
[cheering.]
- Mondo, this is the most amazing party I've ever seen.
- Look around.
No cops, no teachers, no rules, no suggested serving sizes.
This isn't just a party, it's paradise! - Think you could give me a tour? - This is the fun zone.
There's activities for everyone.
Wet t-shirt contests [cheering.]
Arts and crafts [cheering.]
Or headier pursuits.
- This ancient city was sunk by the gods For it's unchecked arrogance and debauchery.
- What is-- [scream.]
[cheering.]
- That's not fair.
She didn't even get a chance to-- [cheering.]
[laughter.]
- We also have snorkeling taught by our resident raft-afarian.
Believe it or not, This counts as course credit at uc santa cruz.
- What about bathrooms? - Last tube on your right.
[plop.]
- I have to hand it you, mondo.
You thought of everything.
Everyone's having a blast.
- They're touching me everywhere, dude.
Everywhere! - Whoo! [laughs.]
- Now this is titillating conversation.
- Maybe some people are having too much fun.
What the hell are you doing? - I'll be right back, ladies.
Feel free to keep drinking.
What are you so mad about, jeena? We're in a land relationship.
I could never commit to being in anything exclusive On the open seas.
- Yeah, well, maybe we shouldn't be in any relationship at all.
And you're gross.
- [slow motion.]
no! - Not cool, jeena.
That was a major party foul.
We're almost out of booze.
- Is it true? - Even the boxed wine is gone, dude.
- What are we going to do? People are going to sober up.
- Aw, are those freckles or pimples? - Uh, you have gingivitis.
- Whoa, you're a shark? - Oh, this is about to get ugly.
We need beer for 2,000 delivered in 2 minutes! It's impossible.
[boat horn.]
All: Shartz! Shartz! Shartz! Shartz! - Is there a mr.
Stone here? I was told he would be my contact.
- I guess I'm mr.
Stone.
- Well then, shall we talk some business? - I'm being molested! I love my life! + - Corporate transportation, Key to the corporate suite onboard, And your corporate sunglasses.
- Two pairs? - You'll figure it out.
Now all I ask of you is for one signature Making shartz the official beverage of floatopia.
[evil laugh ringtone.]
Sorry, thought that was on vibrate.
Well done.
We've been trying to find a way to supply alcohol To underage teens for decades.
- [blows whistle.]
[cheering.]
- Ah! [shells firing.]
[party music.]
- Mom, why are you calling me at work? - Honey, I want to trust you, But it seems like things are getting A little out of control out there.
- Everything's fine.
I'm in the weeds here.
I got to go.
- [slurring.]
just screw turk.
He can't have this.
[swallows vomit.]
- Uh, I think we should get you some rest.
You know, as soon as woody gets back to take over the bar, We're going to find a place for you to lie down, okay? - You're the best, mondo.
Your face is sweet and round like a milk dud.
[beep.]
- Whoa.
Whoa! [engine revs.]
whoa! - Where'd you get all that new stuff? - Corporate suite.
- Well, that's awesome.
Hey, would you mind covering the bar? I've been on duty all night.
- Is that all you got, lohan? - I'm going to go get you some water, okay? Hmm.
Weird.
Now that doesn't even make sense.
How is that cleansing? Sorry, jeena, for some reason even the shower doesn't-- Oh, my god! - Want to take a nap with me? - You're cleared for takeoff, captain.
Right into the friendly thighs! Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah! - [frenzied moans.]
- Seriously? - What? This [bleep.]
doesn't happen to us every day.
Don't be such a pussy.
- So what's it going to be, mondo? - [sighs.]
We're going to go get you some water.
- I think your boobs are softer than mine.
- Thanks, I guess.
I use jojoba oil.
Whoa.
- Want me to blow up your raft for you, baby? - Whoa! Whoa.
I was wrong, mom.
Floatopia is out of control.
It's a horrible place and it's all my fault.
What am I supposed to do now? - Well, anyone can walk away from a problem, But it takes a bigger person To walk back in and to make it right.
- Where'd you hear that? - Snapple cap.
Don't worry.
I'll take care of her.
Look, if I had a dollar for every time I've been naked, passed out on a beach I-- I-- I'd have $3.
Look, I'll go get her some water.
- [belches.]
- And a toothbrush.
I am going to make this right.
- What did you bring me up here for? Now my shirt is all sweaty from all that walking, dude.
Not cool.
This is vintage.
- What's happened to you, man? How many pairs of those do you have? - What am I supposed to do with a picture of spencer pratt? - No, man.
That's you.
It's all right, woody.
We've all lost a little perspective.
Look at this place.
- Performing what? - We have to fix this.
Party people of floatopia, May I have your attention? Thank you.
We're drunk, sunburned, And making all sorts of bad decisions.
Look how low we've sunk.
For christ's sake, john gosselin is here! At the very least, lets start recycling our trash And find a way to enjoy floatopia safely.
- Those sound like Rules! [crowd gasps.]
Bring me those traitors! [overlapping shouting.]
- What's the worst thing they could do to us? [flies buzzing.]
Wadska, we started this together! - Don't push us through the poop, dude! - Oh, I'm sorry, fellas, but you broke the only rule.
[screang.]
There are no rules on floatopia! - Are you thinking what I'm thinking? - Febreeze probably isn't going to get this out? - Floatopia is going down! + - Behold the tallest stripper pole in the world! [cheering.]
- Look at that place.
That's not just a couple of rafts.
That's an empire! It would take an army to take that thing down.
It's impossible.
- Maybe it's not.
- [laughs.]
you must be joking.
Take it down? That place is a cash cow.
Who do you think owns shartz beer? - [gasps.]
since when? - Since the second you started floatopia.
- So I work forYou? - I tried to tell you, no is just a delayed yes.
Kid'll never learn.
- [sighs.]
I guessThat's it.
We lose.
- Perhaps I can be of service.
- What happened to you? - Well, after I exported you two from floatopia, Turk declared himself supreme leader of anarchy.
I pointed out the irony in that.
Turns out turk hates irony.
[screams.]
Just kidding.
That spot's surprisingly hairless.
I say we sink that place to the bottom of the ocean! - All right.
Structurally, here is where it's at its weakest.
That bar was never designed to hold the weight Of all that liquor.
- Uh, how are we getting out there? - As quickly as we can.
[siren blares.]
Don't look at me like that.
She was a skilled warrior.
- Mondo, you know that's a jockstrap, right? - Yep, it's an extra large.
- I just wanted to thank you.
On floatopia, I was reallyVulnerable.
So drunk.
So horny.
I mean, I would have done anything.
And you didn't take advantage of me.
You're a really good guy, mondo.
- Just so you know, if the situation were ever reversed, Please, please feel free to take advantage of me! - Everyone, take your marks.
- Ready.
- Ready.
- Ready.
- Mom? Why didn't anyone tell me that she was involved? - Because you never would have agreed to this.
- Phase one, now! - Aged to what? What is she going to do? - Sound the alarm.
- [over speakers.]
this place about to blow - Dude, that's not the alarm, that's the new kesha album.
What, are you trying to kill us all? [alarm blares.]
[explosions.]
- Phase two, now! - Time to go to work, girls.
Hey, boys! [men gasp.]
- Mom! Oh, my god! Stop that! - Fight it, woody! Fight it! - Oh, god.
- Practically there, mom.
All good.
Time to lower the shirt and get me some therapy.
[gunfire.]
- I can't hang on! - I got you dude! - Did you really think that this entire place Could be sunk with one little-- [rubber pops.]
[explosions.]
[steel drums.]
No! [boat horn.]
[explosion.]
- Still got it.
- Aw, that was awesome, you know, Except for the part where everyone saw my mom's tits.
I hated that part.
- Was this your doing? - Sorry, dad.
I know it's probably going to cost you a lot of money, But it was the right thing to do.
- Cost me money? No, this is actually going to make me money.
Who do you think owns the company That the town will have to hire to clean this mess up? You've saved my public image as well! Unfortunately, your public image is a mess, so I'm going to have to let you go.
- I'm fired? [tires screech.]
Sweet, three days of spring break left to surf! - Maybe some rules exist for a reason.
- Yeah, I'm never drinking on a beach again.
- Have you learned nothing? [laughs maniacally.]
- I got him, sarge.
[gunshot.]