Gravity Falls (2012) s01e02 Episode Script

Are you ready for the ultimate challenge? I'm always ready! Then you know what this means! Syrup race! Ahh - Go, sir syrup! - Go, mountie man! - Go go! Go go! - Almost Almost Yes! I won! Bleah.
Ho ho, no way! Hey, Mabel, check this out.
Human-sized hamster balls? I'm human-sized! No, no, Mabel.
This.
We see weirder stuff than that every day.
We didn't get any photos of those gnomes, did we? Nope, just memories.
And this beard hair.
- Why did you save that? - Mm-mm-mm.
Uhh! Good morning, knuckleheads.
You two know what day it is? Um Happy anniversary? - Mazel tov! - Baah! It's family fun day, genius! We're cuttin' off work and havin' one of those, ya know, Bonding-type deals.
Grunkle Stan, is this gonna be anything like our last family bonding day? You call that Ben Franklin? He looks like a woman! Uh-oh! Ohh! The county jail was so cold.
All right, maybe I haven't been the best summer caretaker.
But I swear, today we're gonna have some real family fun.
Now, who wants to put on some blindfolds and get into my car? - Yay! - Yay! Wait.
What? Whoa! Whoa! Blindfolds never lead to anything good.
Wow.
I feel like all my other senses are heightened.
I can see with my fingers.
- Oh! - Oh! Grunkle Stan, are you wearing a blindfold? Okay, okay, open 'em up.
Ta-da! It's fishin' season! - Fishing? - What are you playing at, old man? You're gonna love it! The whole town's out here! Here, fishy-fishies! Get into the pan.
Say "cheese.
" Aaaah! Uh, is this good? No!!! I'll show you how a real man fishes! Grr! Aaah! Ha ha ha ha ha! Hyeah! Uhh! - Dead! Dead! - Dead! Dead! Get him! Get him! That's some quality family bonding! Uncle Stan, why do you want to bond with us all of a sudden? Come on, this is gonna be great! I've never had fishin' buddies before.
The guys from the lodge won't go with me.
They don't like or trust me.
I think he actually wants to fish with us.
Hey, I know what'll cheer you sad sacks up.
Pow! Pines family fishin' hats.
That's hand-stitching, ya know.
It's just gonna be you, me, and those goofy hats on a boat for ten hours! Ten hours?! I brought the joke book.
No.
No! There has to be a way out of this.
I seen it! I seen it again! Hoo hoo hoo! The Gravity Falls gobblewonker! Come quick before he scramdoodles away! Ha ha hoo-ah! Aw.
He's doing a happy jig.
No!!! It's a jig of grave danger! - Hey! Hey! - Aaah! Now, what did I tell you about scaring my customers? This is your last warning, dad.
But I got proof this time, by gummity! Behold! It's gobbledywonker what done did it! It had a long neck like a gee-raffe, and wrinkly skin like like this gentleman right here.
- Huh? It chopped my boat up to smitheroons! It shim-shammed over to scuttlebutt island! Ya gotta believe me!!! Attention, all units.
We got ourselves a crazy old man.
Aw, donkey spittle! Banjo Polish Well, that happened.
Now, let's untie this boat and get out on that lake! Mabel, did you hear what that old dude said? "Aw, donkey spittle!" The other thing about the monster.
If we can snag a photo of it, we could split the prize fifty-fifty.
That's two fifties! Imagine what you could do with five hundred dollars! Not so high and mighty anymore.
- Ohh.
- Aha-ha ha ha ha! Hey, boys.
You can look But you can't touch.
Squeak! Squeak! Squeak! Squeak! Squeak squeak Awesome! Mabel.
Mabel? Dipper, I am one million percent onboard with this! Grunkle Stan! Change of plans! We're taking that boat to scuttlebutt island, and we are gonna find that gobblewonker.
- Monster Hunt! - Monster Hunt! - Monster - Monster Hunt! Monster eh I'll go.
You dudes say something about a monster Hunt? - Zeus! - What's up, hambone? - Kapoosh! - Pow! Explode! Dude, you could totally use my boat for your Hunt.
It's got a steering wheel, chairs normal boat stuff.
All right, let's think this through.
You kids could go waste your time on some epic monster-finding adventure, or you could spend the day learning how to tie knots and skewer worms with your great uncle Stan! So, whaddya say? We made the right choice! Ingrates! Ah, who needs 'em? I got a whole box of creepy fishin' lures to keep me company.
Uhh! Hoist the anchor! Raise the flag! We're gonna find that gobblewonker! We're gonna win that photo contest! Do any of you dudes have sunscreen? We're gonna Go get sunscreen! Yay! All right, if we want to win this contest, we've gotta do it right.
Think.
What the #1 problem with most monster hunts? You're a side character and you die in the first five minutes of the movie.
Dude, am I a side character? Do you ever think about stuff like that? No, no, no camera trouble.
Say bigfoot shows up.
Zeus, be bigfoot.
There he is! Bigfoot! Uh-oh! No camera! Oh, wait! Here's one! Aw, no film! You see what I'm doing here? - Uh-huh.
- Dude's got a point.
That's why I bought seventeen disposable cameras.
Two on my ankle, three in my jacket, four for each of you, three extras in this bag, and one under my hat.
There's no way we're gonna Miss this.
Okay, everybody, let's test our cameras out.
Ahh! Dude! You see? This is exactly why you need backup cameras.
We still have sixteen.
Ahh! Bird! Fifteen.
Okay, guys, I repeat, don't lose your cameras.
- Wait.
Lose the cameras? - Don't! Dude, I just threw two away.
Thirteen! All right, we still have thirteen camera Twelve.
We have twelve cameras.
So what's the plan? Throw more cameras overboard or what? No! No.
Okay.
You'll be lookout, Zeus can work the steering wheel, - and I'll be captain.
- What?! Why do you get to be captain? What about Mabel, huh? Ma-bel! Ma-bel! Ma-bel! Ma-bel! I'm not sure that's a good idea.
What about co-captain? There's no such thing as co-captain.
Ohh.
Whoops! Okay, fine! You can be co-captain! Can I be associate co-captain? As co-captain, I authorize that request.
Well, as first co-captain, our #1 order of business is to lure the monster out with this.
Permission to taste some? - Granted.
- Permission co-granted.
Permission associate go-granted.
Dude, I don't know what I expected that to taste like.
Traitors! I'll find my own fishin' buddies.
Ah! There's my new pals! Now that we're alone, rosanna, there's a burning question which my heart longs to ask of you.
- Oh, Reginald! - Hey! Wanna hear a joke? Here goes.
My ex-wife still misses me, but her aim is gettin' better! Her aim is gettin' better! Ya see, it's it's funny because marriage is terrible.
What?! Hey, how's it going? It's going awesome.
Bow bow, ba-bow bow Mabel, leave that thing alone.
Aw, I don't mind none! Hey, look, I'm drinking water! Grinkle, grinkle, little Aren't you supposed to be doing lookout? Look out! Ha ha! But seriously, I'm on it.
- Whoa! - Whoa! See? We're here.
I'm a lookout genius! Hamster ball, here we come! Dude, check it out.
Butt island.
Zeus, you rapscallion! Hey, why aren't you laughing? Are you scared? Yeah, right.
I'm not - Yeah, you are! - Hey Quit it stop, Mabel! Uhh! Uhh! Dude, did you guys hear that? What was that? Was it your stomach? No, my stomach normally sounds like whale noises.
Wow! So majestic! Our lantern! Ahh! I can't see anything! Dude, I don't know, man, maybe this isn't worth it.
Not worth it? Guys, imagine what would happen if we got that picture! Tonight, we're here with adventure-seeker Dipper pines who bravely photographed the elusive gobblewonker.
Tell me, Dipper, what's the secret to your success? Well, I run away from nothing Nothing except for when I ran away from my annoying Grunkle Stan who I ditched in order to pursue that lake monster.
How right you were to do so.
He looked like a real piece of work.
I don't often do this, but I feel the need to give you an award.
Charlie! Why won't you interview me?! - I'm in! - Me too! All right, dudes, I'm comin! My name is mable, it rhymes with "table" It also rhymes with "glable" It also rhymes with "schmable" Dude, we should be writing this down.
Guys! Guys, guys.
You hear something? This is it.
This is it! - Uh.
Uh - This is cooooool! Oh! Everyone Get your cameras ready.
Ready? Go! Whaaaaa! Aaaaaah! But but what was that noise, then? I heard a monster noise.
Sweet! Beaver with a chainsaw! Maybe that old guy was crazy after all.
He did use the word "scrapdoodle.
" Look, when you're threading the line a lot of people don't know this but you want to use a barrel knot.
That's a secret from one fishin' buddy to another.
- Heh heh! - Uh I, uh who are you, exactly? Just call me your Grunkle Stan! Sir sir! Why are you talking to our son?! If you don't leave right now, I'm calling the police! Ha ha! Ya see, the thing about that is - Arrrr! - Go bother your own kids! Ooh, yeah, work it, work it! Nice! Nice! Give me another one of those.
Yeah, I like that one.
What are we gonna say to Grunkle Stan? We ditched him over nothing.
Hey.
Guys, do you feel that? - Wha - Hey, hey! Whoa, whoa! Aaah! This is it! Come on, this is our chance! What's wrong with you guys? - Dipper - Dude It's not that hard, all right? All you gotta do is point and shoot.
Like this.
Run! Get back to the boat! Hurry!!! Aaah! Ooh! The picture! Dude, if it makes you feel any better, I got tons of pictures of those beavers, dude! Why would that make me feel better?! Let's get out of here, dudes! All right, this is it! Cracked lens?! Zeus, get a photo! Hyuh! Nyeah! Nyeah! - Unhh! - What are you doing?! I still got one left.
Don't worry, dude.
Here.
Aaah! - Whoa! - Aaah! Go go go go go! Grr! Gaa! Mollycoddling Can you please tell me more funny stories, pop-pop? Anything for my fishin' buddies! Ho ho ho ho! Arghh! Pop-pop, I just weawized that I wuv you.
Aw, come on! Boo! Boo! Hey, there! What's the big idea? Maybe has no one who wuvs him, pop-pop.
Yeah, well, I-I nahh! Ahhh.
Zeus! Beavers! Aaaaah!!! Ohh! Beavers Aaah! Oooooh Aaaah! Ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow! - Headlock! - Dead! Dead! Dead! The fishes?! They seek revenge! Swim, boys, swim!!! Aaah! Look out! Easy, easy My glass! Where do I go?! Um uh go to the falls! - I think there might be a cave behind there! - "Might" be?! - Brr.
Ahh.
- Ooh.
- Ahhh.
It's stuck! Ha ha! Yeah! Wait.
It's stuck? - Boop.
- Ha ha ha! Did you get a good one? They're all good ones! - Whoo-hoo! - Hamster ball! What the? Huh? - Uh! - What's wrong? Hmm.
Careful, dude! I've got this! Hold on! Hey, guys! Come check this out! Work them bellows in the huh?! Aw, banjo Polish! Wha you? You made this? Wha why? Well, I I, uh I just wanted attention! I still don't understand.
Well, first I just hootenannied up a bio-mechanical brain wave generator, and then I learned to operate a stick shift with my beard.
Okay, yeah, but why did you do it? Well, when you get to be an old fella like me, nobody pays any attention to you anymore.
My own son hasn't visited me in months! So I figured maybe I'd catch his fancy with a 15-ton aquatic robot.
Wha-ha-ha-ha! Aha-ha-ha! Aha-ha! Aha-ha ahh In retrospect, it seems a bit contrived.
You just don't know the lengths us old-timers go through for a little quality time with our family.
Dude.
I guess the real lake monster is you two.
Heh heh.
Sorry, it just, like, boom, just popped into my head here.
So Did you ever talk to your son about how you felt? No, sir, I got to work straight on the robot.
I made lots of robots in my day.
Like when my wife left me and I created a homicidal pterodactyl-tron, or when my pal Ernie didn't come to my retirement party and I constructed an 80-ton shame-bot that exploded the entire downtown area! Aha-ha-ha-ha! Aha well, time to get back to work on my death ray! Any you kids got a screwdriver? Well, so much for the photo contest.
We still have one roll of film left.
What do you want to do with it? Ahh.
Hey! Over here! What the kids? I thought you two were off playin' spin the bottle with Zeus.
Well, we spent all day trying to find a legendary dinosaur.
But we realized the only dinosaur we want to hang out with is right here.
Save your sympathy! I been having a great time without ya makin' friends, talkin' to my reflection I had a run-in with the lake police! Guess I gotta wear this ankle bracelet now, so that'll be fun.
So I guess there isn't room in that boat for three more? You knuckleheads ever seen me thread a hook with my eyes closed? - Five bucks says you can't do it.
- You're on! Five more bucks says you can't do it with your eyes closed plus me singing at the top of my lungs! I like those odds! - Whoa! What happened to your shirt? - Long story, dude.
All right.
Everybody get together, say "fishing.
" - Fishing! - Fishing! Dude, am I in the frame? Whaa! - What was that? - Mm-mm.
- Who wants to hear a joke? - Not me.
Huh huh! Yeah, you do! Here it goes.
Why did the pelican get kicked out the restaurant? I don't care.
Because he had a very big bill! - LA LA LA LA yuk yuk yuk! - Ooh.
Boo.
- Blah blah bluh.
- Bad joke.
Bad pelican joke.