Happy Town s01e02 Episode Script
I Came to Haplin for the Waters
Previously on Happy Town Welcome to Haplin, or as some folks like to call it Happy Town.
The third floor is off limits.
I'm not joking.
There's been a murder.
You're not gonna believe it.
The Magic Man he's someone you pass by on the street.
- Why do they call him the Magic Man? - He had an ability to make people disappear that bordered on the mystical.
- Chloe burnt the can.
- Who's Chloe? It's me, Chloe.
I'm gonna go up now.
You can't stop him.
We never could.
(Hatchet slices) Aah! (Grunting) (Woman speaks indistinctly) Second line of saline advised now.
- Blood pressure is slowing, 90 on 40.
- Can we get him something for the pain? (Woman speaks indistinctly) (Tommy) You're doing great, pop.
Just stay with me.
- You're still the only girl I ever loved.
- Some-somebody get him something for the pain.
- She drowned in a lake of crazy.
- Get him some damn pain medication! Sir, I need you to stand back here.
Chloe, I'm coming back for you someday.
- Doc, what's wrong with him? - We'll figure that out.
Is this it? (Monitor beeping rapidly) Yeah.
Good.
Let's go.
- Tommy, these people - Pop.
They're they're wicked, and I don't mean ordinary wicked.
I mean, their blood is black and their souls are hideous, diabolic.
Okay, pop, it's gonna be okay.
I'm gonna be right here when you get out.
- I'm gonna be right here when you get out, pop.
- (Doctor) Okay, let's go.
(Tommy) You're gonna be fine.
I'll be right here.
(Clink) (Bell tolling) (Indistinct conversations, helium hisses) (Girl laughs) What do you want? I just like watching thaw fest evolve.
Every year I come down early and check it out.
Well, maybe one year you could actually help.
That one doesn't like me.
Nope.
Not at all.
What's wrong? Honestly Just feeling crappy about being there, at Mac's pond, the night Jerry friddle got murdered, and I never said a word about it to the sheriff or Tommy.
We've been through this.
You didn't see anything.
You know they're gonna ask what you were doing at Mac's pond at that time of night.
You can't say you were with me.
Right.
Otherwise our secret love affair is no longer a secret.
Music room, fourth period? Meet you beneath the harpsichord.
What is it? Something terrible happened to Sheriff Conroy.
What happened? Big Dave.
Lincoln.
Still using New York City tap water in your pizza? Of course.
You know, Sheriff Conroy he told me you get that water shipped in twice a week, - all the way from New York.
Is that true? - Yep.
Is it true what I heard about old Sheriff Conroy? Uh I don't know.
He's definitely in the hospital.
I'm.
.
.
I'm actually going over there right now.
- Okay, well, you give him my best.
- Will do, Lincoln.
(Laughs) (Men shout indistinctly in distance) (Man) Unbelievable! (Whistles) Griffin Conroy lopped his mitt off with a hatchet.
Ohh.
Why would he do that? Probably 'cause he ran out of things to clap for.
(Laughs) Hey? Going up.
- Great idea.
- Shut your pie hole! It just didn't occur to me.
I suppose it didn't occur to you either, but her warnings were so extreme.
The third floor is strictly off-limits.
I'm not joking.
(Henley) I just didn't figure that it would be Locked.
I'm not sure.
But I'm gonna (Knock on door) (Knocking) Hold on a sec Henley, we have a surprise for you.
The best surprise in the history of surprises.
(Women laugh) Oh.
More toast? You are kind, Mrs.
Meadows.
My pleasure.
(Women laugh) (Woman) Close your eyes, Henley.
Voilà ! (Woman) We asked Dot.
She said it's all yours.
It's great.
But what exactly's all mine? The shed.
To make your candles.
(Whispers) Oh.
(Normal voice) Oh, so great! (Woman) Until you find a proper space, this will be your candle workshop.
Oh.
It's so great.
Thank you.
(Women speaking indistinctly) Hey.
I'm standing here, staring at him My father, strongest man I know Hoping he's gonna wake up and tell me just why it is he's been blabbering about some woman named Chloe.
And when he does that, maybe we can move on to the more pertinent question "Hey, pops, would you mind telling me why you chopped your hand off with a hatchet?" (Door opens) Here's Pete now.
Tommy.
Hmm.
It's the best of a bad situation.
The fusion was a success, but the ligature wasn't salvageable, - so to regainobility is gonna be a process.
- What about the MRI? It came out clean.
But obviously we're dealing with something, so I've called in a neuropathologist from up St.
Paul.
He's gonna come take a look.
- Hopefully he gives us a better sense of what we're up against.
- Thanks - Yeah.
- Truly.
No problem.
(Whispers) Hey.
I'm gonna call my mom.
Okay.
(Sighs) You know, you can take off big Dave.
We got it.
No, I told Molly to mind the shop for today.
M here for you, T.
C.
, for the long haul.
Thanks, pal.
I gotta tell you, though, part of me feels responsible.
I saw him right before he I I didn't notice anything off.
He didn't mention the name "Chloe" to you by any chance, did he? I don't think so.
Who's Chloe? (Door opens) Tommy.
Hey, John.
How you doing? Uh, my mother would like to see you.
Now? Well, I appreciate her reaching out, John.
But my father just got off the operating table, so Which is three hours, right, until he wakes from sedation? We'll have you right back at his side by then.
And, uh, he'll never even know you left.
- Call me if anything changes.
- Where are you going? To Weeping Wall.
I'd like to get these here on the top.
"Casablanca" excellent choice.
I do believe "Casablanca" holds the record for the most quotable lines in the history of cinema.
"Gone with the Wind" has "Frankly, my dear, I don't give a damn.
" "The Wizard of Oz" "Toto, I don't think we're in Kansas anymore" and "There's no place like home.
" But "Casablanca" Well, "Here's looking at you, kid.
" "We'll always have Paris.
" "The germans wore gray.
You wore blue.
" "Round up the usual suspects.
" "Of all the gin joints, in all the towns, in all the world, she walks into mine.
" "Louis, I think think this is the beginning of a beautiful friendship.
" Indeed.
(Girl) Grab my gloves! (Girl) Whoa.
(Clears throat) Deputy Conroy.
Mrs.
Haplin.
Let me get a look at you.
You are your mother's son, aren't you? That's what people tell me.
It's high praise.
She had a strong composition and was one of the very best we ever had at Weeping Wall.
She loved working here.
She always came home with a smile.
Her facility with perenials was uncanny.
The gardens here have never been the same since we lost her.
And now this with your father It's heartbreaking.
Yes, ma'am, it's, um Unexpected.
And ill-timed the incident on the pond.
(Children laugh) I had this made for my granddaughter.
It was finished two days after she was gone.
So now the neighborhood children use it.
Walk with me.
(Boy speaks indistinctly) The good work your father has done for the country, for me, during his tenure it's needed now more than ever.
Roger Hobbs is a pretty capable guy.
I hear he was a cop in the twin cities - before he moved to Haplin.
- Roger Hobbs mooches the stem.
He doesn't have leadership qualities.
He lacks authority, which is why until Griffin gets his right back, I would like you to step in - as acting Sheriff of Haplin County.
- Me? I'm effecting you as of this discussion.
With all due respect, Mrs.
Haplin, I I'm just a 4-year deputy and I'm certainly not my father.
And and we have a chain of command.
- Hobbs is chief inspector - Roger hobbs mooches the stem.
Mrs.
Haplin, I I don't know what that means.
- It means I think you'll be great.
- Okay.
What what about John? You know, your son's not a fan of my father.
I dot see him sitting easy with another Conroy being pursed.
My son is an obsessive.
And though I share his agony over the disappearance of our Addie, his choice to fixate on the "Magic Man" has not only hurt the spirit of this community, it has rendered him an irrelevance.
So I would suggest you do what your daddy did and remind yourself just whose founding capital pays for the apricots in your little girl's lunchpail.
Good luck Sheriff.
Our only clue is we've not been able to rustle up any eyewitnesses although we've canvassed practically the whole town.
There's a powder that was found on the victim.
It appears to be some type of baking flour.
It's been sent off to the state lab for further analysis.
How's Griff, T.
C.
? You know, he's restin'.
What's the next move on the Friddle case? Sheriff? It's business as usual.
You're still running lead on the case.
You call the shots.
All right, let's get to work.
All right.
(Officers speak indistinctly) (Groans) (Grunts) Whew.
(Keys jangle) I stepped in three damn puddles on my way home not one, not two three.
Shoes are ruined.
Ruined.
I need to go and change my socks before I die of pneumonia.
(Sighs) (Kaiser Chiefs' "Never Miss a Beat" playing) What did you learn today? I learned nothin'.
What did you do today? I did nothin'.
What did you learn in school? I didn't go.
Why didn't you go to school? I don't know.
It's cool to know nothin'.
It's cool to know nothin'.
Take a look, take a look, take a look at the kids on the street.
No, they never miss a beat, no, they never miss a beat, never miss a beat, never miss a beat, beat, beat, beat, take a look at the kids on the street, no, never miss a never miss a beat.
Never miss a beat, hey! Oh! Mrs.
Meadows.
Oh, Mr.
Grieves.
I do believe it's time for the pre-supper foxtrot.
Won't you join me? Well, I w oh, yes.
(Chuckles) No, they never miss a beat, no, they never miss a beat, never miss a beat! (Al Bowlly) Midnight, with the stars and you, (Mrs.
Meadows giggles) midnight and a rendezvous.
(Giggles) I'll be remembering you, whatever else I do Thank you, Mrs.
Meadows.
(Gasps) There's nothing like a little knocking of the knees to aid the digestion.
Shall we go into the kitchen and unwrap your parcels? (Giggles) Bravo! Well done.
Well done.
(Keys jangle) (Laughs and sighs) Hello, Henley.
Hello.
(Sighs) (Indistinct conversations) Thanks for coming.
Not so bad.
I'll be right back.
Yeah.
Hey, Tom.
How's the sheriff? He's gonna be fine.
- That's rockin' good news.
- Yeah.
And you be sure to let him know that if he ever needs a hand (Mrs.
Haplin) Tom.
(Laughter) Well, hello, Mrs.
Haplin, John.
Hello.
We're just about to get underway.
Yeah, um, I just wanted to say After giving it a lot of thought I have to decline your offer.
I I just really think it'll be best for everybody if Roger Hobbs is made Sheriff.
Okay.
Okay? I'm sorry you feel that way, but I understand.
(Amplified voice) We must not let rumors get out of control and take on a life of their own.
Yes, Sheriff Griffin Conroy has taken ill.
He's under observation.
And I promise that as soon as we know more, we will pass it along.
In the meantime, let's keep Griffin and his family in our prayers.
I know what is on everyone's mind the timing of this is dreadful, what with the incident on the pond, which is why I am so pleased to announce the appointment of a new acting Sheriff.
Please help me to introduce and welcome our new Sheriff, Tommy Conroy.
(Applause) (Man whistles) (Amplified voice) Um Thank you, Mrs.
Haplin.
Thank you.
(Microphone feedback whines) With regards to "the incident at the pond" as Mrs.
Haplin referred to it um Now would be a good time for an old soul to scratch his nails across the chalkboard and claim that he can catch the (Deepens voice) The head, the tail and the whole damn fish.
(Murmuring) It's a it's a "Jaws" reference.
(Lowered voice) Maybe he ought to reference the Daffy Duck cartoon where Daffy becomes the sheriff of a one-horse town and ends up as janitor.
- Porky Pig says - Lucky for him, it is a one-horse town? (Laughs) Can I borrow your creamer? Of course.
You got someone upstairs? Yeah.
Sadly.
Mm.
Friend or family? Family Kinda.
Grandpa-I-never-had sort of thing.
Yeah.
Is he gonna be all right? No one can say.
How about you? - Who are you here for? - No one.
I come for the tapioca.
See, I'm a firm believer that all of society's ills could be quelled if everybody just had a little pudding.
Wouldn't that be nice? Mmm? Well, so long.
Your sorta-grandpa will be in my thoughts.
And your tapioca will be in mine.
Look, it's just first-day jitters, T.
C.
It happens to everyone.
He's right.
My first day at the bready, I was a mess.
Mm.
The first day I opened this place, I was a total basket case.
Yeah.
Great, you guys.
Except neither one of those things involve solving a murder.
I totally froze up there.
It's no big deal, T.
C.
It's like It's like junior year.
Remember when coach Freitas left, you had to give that giant speech in front of the entire school because you were the quarterback.
Exactly, and if you remember, I froze then, too.
Yeah, you you did.
Except you bailed me out - with that poem you made up right on the spot.
- Look, the point is, T.
C.
, after that, nobody doubted your ability to march us up the field.
And nobody's gonna doubt you now.
(Utensil clatters) (Monitor beeping rhythmically) It's a shame you're gonna miss the thaw fest.
I know how much you love it.
I'm hoping that my dad doesn't show up.
Remember what happened last year? Get better soon, huh? You're the only one I can do the Sunday crossword puzzle with in ink.
(Griffin) In my younger days, I felt sorry for myself that I had no gloves until I met a man with no hands.
Hello? (Children laugh) (Clock ticks, woman speaks indistinctly) (Screaming) (Pants) (Wheels squeaking) (Discordant music playing) (Wind howling) (Sheriff Conroy) The serpent always hisses (Distorted voices speaking indistinctly) (Voices stop) (Ding) (Whimpers) (Ding) (Electricity surges) (Elevator bell dings) Did you put something in my milk? It was cream, you silly bitch.
What'd you see in the ice shack, Georgia? Did you see who killed Jerry Friddle? (Crying) I had some dreams, they were clouds in my coffee.
(Discordant sounds) (Carly Simon) You walked into the party like you were walking onto a yacht Listen to me when I talk! And she had one eye in the mirror As she watched herself gavotte What the hell is "gavotte"? What does "gavotte" mean? (Glass shatters) (Laughs) It's a French thing.
All right? It's a it's a dance.
This guy is watching himself in the mirror, and he's dancing.
- You understand? - Okay.
I don't know why you always do this.
Shut up.
Why he always does this.
Stupid.
Shh! Shh! Listen! Listen (Speaks indistinctly) - You watched yourself go by - Go by Go by! It's "go by"! (Men) That they'd be your partner - They'd be your partner - They'd be your partner Shut up! Shut up! You're so vain - She's waking up.
- Oh, good.
Hi.
What am I doing here? Oh, baby boy wants to say hi.
(Snorts and laughs) Oh.
Hey.
- (Lincoln) Baby boy! - (Man) You always scare him away.
(Speaks indistinctly) Hello, Georgia.
Are you okay? (Laughs) (Laughs) (Whimpers) Do you want some tapioca? (Men continue laughing) (Screaming) (Monitor beeping rhythmically) Pardon me? I tell you, pop, part of me thinks all Peggy Haplin wants is a puppet.
I mean, not that you were a puppet, but you did insist on letting sleeping dogs lie, which is what Mrs.
Haplin wants.
(Sighs) With me, I figure she's of the mind that even if I wanted to wake up those sleeping dogs, I'd be too much of a nincompoop to do it.
(Chuckles) No.
I don't know, pop.
She's probably right.
He'll be back.
Pop? Now the blood's been spilled again.
He'll be back.
What? Who? The serpent always hisses where the sweet bird sings, Chloe.
Pop? Pop, who's Chloe? (Cell phone rings) Pop, talk to me.
Who's Chloe? (Ring) Pop, talk to me.
Who the hell is Chloe? (Ring) (Ring) Yeah? You need to come home right now.
(Crying) I ran and ran and ran.
- Did they hurt you? - Her eyes were dilated when she got here.
The Stivilettos must have drugged her.
(Sniffles) No, that doesn't make sense.
- I I was I had a cup of coffee - Did they hurt you? - (Sobbing) I don't know.
- Georgia, did they hurt you? I don't know.
(Tires squeal) I got your message, boss.
They're in the barn.
What, we making a arrest? Not an arrest, Root Beer.
(Dog barks) Not an arrest.
(Chickens clucking) Conroy, what the hell you doing? (Grunts) (Grunts) Did you want some pipe, huh? (Grunts) Huh? You want some of this? Yeah? (Grunts) (Grunts) (Grunts) (Screaming) (Groans) (Grunts) A 17-year-old? You drugged her, huh? (Grunts) Oh, no, man.
The bravin girl? No.
Look.
Look, we found her on the living room floor, all right? - You're lying.
- No! No! I swear! I swear! Tommy! Tommy! Tommy! Tommy! - I swear.
Please! - What is it, Root Beer? - I'm kind of in the middle of something.
- It's the state lab.
The guy says it's urgent.
(Dog barking in distance) - Yeah.
Hello? - Oh, hey there.
This is Murtaugh at the state lab.
Yeah, we got the organics back on the substance covering your homicide victim, - Jerry Friddle.
- Yeah, this really isn't a good time.
It's definitely flour, but it didn't come from your factory.
Now I know that because we also found some traces of dough.
Yeah, it's a special kind that contains Get this a fluoride found only in New York City tap water.
It was mixed into the dough.
What do you make of that? Maybe your guy got gooned by a pastry chef on vacation from Coney Island? (Laughing) (Snaps cell phone shut) What's up, T.
C.
? It's like the man says "The serpent always hisses where the sweet bird sings.
" (Door creaks) Tommy.
Hey, Mrs.
D.
Is he around? No.
I expect him soon for supper, though.
Oh, no worries.
I I was just gonna grab my drill gun, but I can come back.
Don't be silly.
It's in the basement.
You know the way.
(Clicking) (Clicks) (Dog barks in distance) (Rattling) (Switch clicks) Hey.
You weren't supposed to see this.
I had no idea.
What are you gonna do, T.
C.
, pull your gun on me? - What do you want me to do, Dave, thank you? - In a way.
You hammered a railroad spike into Jerry friddle's skull.
- Yeah.
I thought it was pretty clever.
- A railroad spike sent us straight to the Stivilettos, huh? 'Cause everybody knows the Stivilettos hated Friddle.
And God knows, they got plenty of spikes - laying around their place.
- Well, they do live by the tracks.
Come on, man.
I did it.
I killed the Magic Man.
Friddle was not the Magic Man.
Of course he was! I've been working on this for years, T.
C.
Surveilling, gathering evidence, making my case.
Making your case? Who the hell are you to make your case? You make pizzas, Dave.
I got rock-solid evidence.
- You got nothin'.
- Things were overlooked.
They weren't.
Man, those people, all those missing people.
My father investigated all of this when all that skulking trouble went down.
And Jerry friddle was in Las Vegas for a family reunion when Billy Mixon disappeared.
- No! No! - And he was in the hospital with Gallstones when Lauryn Ward vanished.
But you you stupid, fat moron! You just killed an innocent man based on half-baked conclusions after doing some junior varsity detective work.
Who the hell are you? - Who the hell are you to even get involved?! - Well, nobody else was doing anything! - Man, Griff wanted everybody just to forget about it! - Griff wanted the town to heal, Dave! Well, you can't heal a wound, Tommy, until you clean it out! (Door opens) (Woman) Everything okay down there? Yeah, ma.
Me and Tommy's just having a gab.
Tom, want to stay for dinner? I'm fine, Mrs.
D.
! We're having a spaghetti hotdish.
No, ma, he's okay.
(Door closes) All right, Dave, supposing you're right, supposing Jerry Friddle was the Magic Man.
Then you just killed the only person that can tell us what happened to those people.
No.
He told me where the bodies are.
- What? - Mm-hmm.
- Friddle told you where the bodies were? - Yeah.
- Did you have a gun pointed at his head when he told you this? - Yeah.
So? You ever think maybe he was under duress, that maybe he would say anything to get his ass out of that shack? - You stupid, pathetic idiot.
- It wasn't like that.
It wasn't like that.
You stupid, pathetic idiot.
He was taking them.
(Grunts) He was takin' nothin'! (Objects clatter) You've been my best friend since third grade, Dave.
And today I find out you're a killer Who's got a lair? What are we supposed to do now, Dave, huh? What am I supposed to do now? You do your job.
You caught me.
So we tell everyone what I did and why I did it.
No.
No, we don't, big Dave.
Because if we do, you go to jail forever.
All right? Because Jerry Friddle was not the Magic Man.
You hear me? Jerry Friddle was not the Magic Man! He told me where the bodies are! Oh, Dave, we gotta figure something out.
We gotta figure something out soon.
(Crickets chirping) (Click) (Click) (Door unlatches) (Door squeaks) (Birds chirping) (Door squeaks) (Squawking) (Cries) (Chirping and squawking stops) So I'm going now to buy the car.
Yeah, I found a used car place a couple towns over.
Right.
Well, the point being, once I reveal myself, then I get the heck outta Dodge.
(Brakes screech) Yeah.
Hey.
Hey.
What is this? (Whispers) Nothing.
- Georgia.
- It's nothing, Andrew.
- Did your father do this? - No.
- Georgia, did your father do this? - He didn't.
Th I'm gonna kill him.
I swear, I'm gonna kill him.
Actually, I visited Sheriff Conroy at the hospital.
And I got drugged or something and I ended up at the Stivilettos' place, - and somewhere along the way, I hit my face.
- Yeah, nice try.
I'm gonna kill your old man.
- I swear to God, Georgia, I'm gonna kill your old man.
- Andrew.
("You're so vain" playing) You walked into the party like you were walking onto a yacht.
Your hat strategically dipped below one eye, your scarf, it was apricot.
You had one eye in the mirror as you watched yourself Sheriff Conroy.
Dan Farmer, state police.
I work with Captain Frost, and I'm here to help.
You work with Captain Frost, huh? I do, and I'm here to help.
I'm surprised Frost hasn't paid us a visit himself.
You know, back in the day, he was a real presence.
He sent me, and I'm here to help.
Yeah, you said that.
I'm here as a resource.
We will get to the bottom of this Friddle case.
(Sighs) A homicide.
Hmm.
Don't get a lot of them.
When we do, we are snap-sharp.
Snap-sharp? Snap-sharp.
So don't you worry, Sheriff Conroy.
We will catch this guy.
We will catch this guy good.
Clouds in my coffee, clouds in my coffee and You're so vain.
You probably think this song is about you.
You're so vain.
So vain.
I bet you think this song is about you.
Don't you? Don't you? Yeah.
(Bird screeching) Aah! (Tires screeching) Aah! (Hawk cries) Well, you're where you should be all the time, and when you're not you're with some underworld spy or the wife of a close friend, wife of a close friend.
(Cries) And you're so vain
The third floor is off limits.
I'm not joking.
There's been a murder.
You're not gonna believe it.
The Magic Man he's someone you pass by on the street.
- Why do they call him the Magic Man? - He had an ability to make people disappear that bordered on the mystical.
- Chloe burnt the can.
- Who's Chloe? It's me, Chloe.
I'm gonna go up now.
You can't stop him.
We never could.
(Hatchet slices) Aah! (Grunting) (Woman speaks indistinctly) Second line of saline advised now.
- Blood pressure is slowing, 90 on 40.
- Can we get him something for the pain? (Woman speaks indistinctly) (Tommy) You're doing great, pop.
Just stay with me.
- You're still the only girl I ever loved.
- Some-somebody get him something for the pain.
- She drowned in a lake of crazy.
- Get him some damn pain medication! Sir, I need you to stand back here.
Chloe, I'm coming back for you someday.
- Doc, what's wrong with him? - We'll figure that out.
Is this it? (Monitor beeping rapidly) Yeah.
Good.
Let's go.
- Tommy, these people - Pop.
They're they're wicked, and I don't mean ordinary wicked.
I mean, their blood is black and their souls are hideous, diabolic.
Okay, pop, it's gonna be okay.
I'm gonna be right here when you get out.
- I'm gonna be right here when you get out, pop.
- (Doctor) Okay, let's go.
(Tommy) You're gonna be fine.
I'll be right here.
(Clink) (Bell tolling) (Indistinct conversations, helium hisses) (Girl laughs) What do you want? I just like watching thaw fest evolve.
Every year I come down early and check it out.
Well, maybe one year you could actually help.
That one doesn't like me.
Nope.
Not at all.
What's wrong? Honestly Just feeling crappy about being there, at Mac's pond, the night Jerry friddle got murdered, and I never said a word about it to the sheriff or Tommy.
We've been through this.
You didn't see anything.
You know they're gonna ask what you were doing at Mac's pond at that time of night.
You can't say you were with me.
Right.
Otherwise our secret love affair is no longer a secret.
Music room, fourth period? Meet you beneath the harpsichord.
What is it? Something terrible happened to Sheriff Conroy.
What happened? Big Dave.
Lincoln.
Still using New York City tap water in your pizza? Of course.
You know, Sheriff Conroy he told me you get that water shipped in twice a week, - all the way from New York.
Is that true? - Yep.
Is it true what I heard about old Sheriff Conroy? Uh I don't know.
He's definitely in the hospital.
I'm.
.
.
I'm actually going over there right now.
- Okay, well, you give him my best.
- Will do, Lincoln.
(Laughs) (Men shout indistinctly in distance) (Man) Unbelievable! (Whistles) Griffin Conroy lopped his mitt off with a hatchet.
Ohh.
Why would he do that? Probably 'cause he ran out of things to clap for.
(Laughs) Hey? Going up.
- Great idea.
- Shut your pie hole! It just didn't occur to me.
I suppose it didn't occur to you either, but her warnings were so extreme.
The third floor is strictly off-limits.
I'm not joking.
(Henley) I just didn't figure that it would be Locked.
I'm not sure.
But I'm gonna (Knock on door) (Knocking) Hold on a sec Henley, we have a surprise for you.
The best surprise in the history of surprises.
(Women laugh) Oh.
More toast? You are kind, Mrs.
Meadows.
My pleasure.
(Women laugh) (Woman) Close your eyes, Henley.
Voilà ! (Woman) We asked Dot.
She said it's all yours.
It's great.
But what exactly's all mine? The shed.
To make your candles.
(Whispers) Oh.
(Normal voice) Oh, so great! (Woman) Until you find a proper space, this will be your candle workshop.
Oh.
It's so great.
Thank you.
(Women speaking indistinctly) Hey.
I'm standing here, staring at him My father, strongest man I know Hoping he's gonna wake up and tell me just why it is he's been blabbering about some woman named Chloe.
And when he does that, maybe we can move on to the more pertinent question "Hey, pops, would you mind telling me why you chopped your hand off with a hatchet?" (Door opens) Here's Pete now.
Tommy.
Hmm.
It's the best of a bad situation.
The fusion was a success, but the ligature wasn't salvageable, - so to regainobility is gonna be a process.
- What about the MRI? It came out clean.
But obviously we're dealing with something, so I've called in a neuropathologist from up St.
Paul.
He's gonna come take a look.
- Hopefully he gives us a better sense of what we're up against.
- Thanks - Yeah.
- Truly.
No problem.
(Whispers) Hey.
I'm gonna call my mom.
Okay.
(Sighs) You know, you can take off big Dave.
We got it.
No, I told Molly to mind the shop for today.
M here for you, T.
C.
, for the long haul.
Thanks, pal.
I gotta tell you, though, part of me feels responsible.
I saw him right before he I I didn't notice anything off.
He didn't mention the name "Chloe" to you by any chance, did he? I don't think so.
Who's Chloe? (Door opens) Tommy.
Hey, John.
How you doing? Uh, my mother would like to see you.
Now? Well, I appreciate her reaching out, John.
But my father just got off the operating table, so Which is three hours, right, until he wakes from sedation? We'll have you right back at his side by then.
And, uh, he'll never even know you left.
- Call me if anything changes.
- Where are you going? To Weeping Wall.
I'd like to get these here on the top.
"Casablanca" excellent choice.
I do believe "Casablanca" holds the record for the most quotable lines in the history of cinema.
"Gone with the Wind" has "Frankly, my dear, I don't give a damn.
" "The Wizard of Oz" "Toto, I don't think we're in Kansas anymore" and "There's no place like home.
" But "Casablanca" Well, "Here's looking at you, kid.
" "We'll always have Paris.
" "The germans wore gray.
You wore blue.
" "Round up the usual suspects.
" "Of all the gin joints, in all the towns, in all the world, she walks into mine.
" "Louis, I think think this is the beginning of a beautiful friendship.
" Indeed.
(Girl) Grab my gloves! (Girl) Whoa.
(Clears throat) Deputy Conroy.
Mrs.
Haplin.
Let me get a look at you.
You are your mother's son, aren't you? That's what people tell me.
It's high praise.
She had a strong composition and was one of the very best we ever had at Weeping Wall.
She loved working here.
She always came home with a smile.
Her facility with perenials was uncanny.
The gardens here have never been the same since we lost her.
And now this with your father It's heartbreaking.
Yes, ma'am, it's, um Unexpected.
And ill-timed the incident on the pond.
(Children laugh) I had this made for my granddaughter.
It was finished two days after she was gone.
So now the neighborhood children use it.
Walk with me.
(Boy speaks indistinctly) The good work your father has done for the country, for me, during his tenure it's needed now more than ever.
Roger Hobbs is a pretty capable guy.
I hear he was a cop in the twin cities - before he moved to Haplin.
- Roger Hobbs mooches the stem.
He doesn't have leadership qualities.
He lacks authority, which is why until Griffin gets his right back, I would like you to step in - as acting Sheriff of Haplin County.
- Me? I'm effecting you as of this discussion.
With all due respect, Mrs.
Haplin, I I'm just a 4-year deputy and I'm certainly not my father.
And and we have a chain of command.
- Hobbs is chief inspector - Roger hobbs mooches the stem.
Mrs.
Haplin, I I don't know what that means.
- It means I think you'll be great.
- Okay.
What what about John? You know, your son's not a fan of my father.
I dot see him sitting easy with another Conroy being pursed.
My son is an obsessive.
And though I share his agony over the disappearance of our Addie, his choice to fixate on the "Magic Man" has not only hurt the spirit of this community, it has rendered him an irrelevance.
So I would suggest you do what your daddy did and remind yourself just whose founding capital pays for the apricots in your little girl's lunchpail.
Good luck Sheriff.
Our only clue is we've not been able to rustle up any eyewitnesses although we've canvassed practically the whole town.
There's a powder that was found on the victim.
It appears to be some type of baking flour.
It's been sent off to the state lab for further analysis.
How's Griff, T.
C.
? You know, he's restin'.
What's the next move on the Friddle case? Sheriff? It's business as usual.
You're still running lead on the case.
You call the shots.
All right, let's get to work.
All right.
(Officers speak indistinctly) (Groans) (Grunts) Whew.
(Keys jangle) I stepped in three damn puddles on my way home not one, not two three.
Shoes are ruined.
Ruined.
I need to go and change my socks before I die of pneumonia.
(Sighs) (Kaiser Chiefs' "Never Miss a Beat" playing) What did you learn today? I learned nothin'.
What did you do today? I did nothin'.
What did you learn in school? I didn't go.
Why didn't you go to school? I don't know.
It's cool to know nothin'.
It's cool to know nothin'.
Take a look, take a look, take a look at the kids on the street.
No, they never miss a beat, no, they never miss a beat, never miss a beat, never miss a beat, beat, beat, beat, take a look at the kids on the street, no, never miss a never miss a beat.
Never miss a beat, hey! Oh! Mrs.
Meadows.
Oh, Mr.
Grieves.
I do believe it's time for the pre-supper foxtrot.
Won't you join me? Well, I w oh, yes.
(Chuckles) No, they never miss a beat, no, they never miss a beat, never miss a beat! (Al Bowlly) Midnight, with the stars and you, (Mrs.
Meadows giggles) midnight and a rendezvous.
(Giggles) I'll be remembering you, whatever else I do Thank you, Mrs.
Meadows.
(Gasps) There's nothing like a little knocking of the knees to aid the digestion.
Shall we go into the kitchen and unwrap your parcels? (Giggles) Bravo! Well done.
Well done.
(Keys jangle) (Laughs and sighs) Hello, Henley.
Hello.
(Sighs) (Indistinct conversations) Thanks for coming.
Not so bad.
I'll be right back.
Yeah.
Hey, Tom.
How's the sheriff? He's gonna be fine.
- That's rockin' good news.
- Yeah.
And you be sure to let him know that if he ever needs a hand (Mrs.
Haplin) Tom.
(Laughter) Well, hello, Mrs.
Haplin, John.
Hello.
We're just about to get underway.
Yeah, um, I just wanted to say After giving it a lot of thought I have to decline your offer.
I I just really think it'll be best for everybody if Roger Hobbs is made Sheriff.
Okay.
Okay? I'm sorry you feel that way, but I understand.
(Amplified voice) We must not let rumors get out of control and take on a life of their own.
Yes, Sheriff Griffin Conroy has taken ill.
He's under observation.
And I promise that as soon as we know more, we will pass it along.
In the meantime, let's keep Griffin and his family in our prayers.
I know what is on everyone's mind the timing of this is dreadful, what with the incident on the pond, which is why I am so pleased to announce the appointment of a new acting Sheriff.
Please help me to introduce and welcome our new Sheriff, Tommy Conroy.
(Applause) (Man whistles) (Amplified voice) Um Thank you, Mrs.
Haplin.
Thank you.
(Microphone feedback whines) With regards to "the incident at the pond" as Mrs.
Haplin referred to it um Now would be a good time for an old soul to scratch his nails across the chalkboard and claim that he can catch the (Deepens voice) The head, the tail and the whole damn fish.
(Murmuring) It's a it's a "Jaws" reference.
(Lowered voice) Maybe he ought to reference the Daffy Duck cartoon where Daffy becomes the sheriff of a one-horse town and ends up as janitor.
- Porky Pig says - Lucky for him, it is a one-horse town? (Laughs) Can I borrow your creamer? Of course.
You got someone upstairs? Yeah.
Sadly.
Mm.
Friend or family? Family Kinda.
Grandpa-I-never-had sort of thing.
Yeah.
Is he gonna be all right? No one can say.
How about you? - Who are you here for? - No one.
I come for the tapioca.
See, I'm a firm believer that all of society's ills could be quelled if everybody just had a little pudding.
Wouldn't that be nice? Mmm? Well, so long.
Your sorta-grandpa will be in my thoughts.
And your tapioca will be in mine.
Look, it's just first-day jitters, T.
C.
It happens to everyone.
He's right.
My first day at the bready, I was a mess.
Mm.
The first day I opened this place, I was a total basket case.
Yeah.
Great, you guys.
Except neither one of those things involve solving a murder.
I totally froze up there.
It's no big deal, T.
C.
It's like It's like junior year.
Remember when coach Freitas left, you had to give that giant speech in front of the entire school because you were the quarterback.
Exactly, and if you remember, I froze then, too.
Yeah, you you did.
Except you bailed me out - with that poem you made up right on the spot.
- Look, the point is, T.
C.
, after that, nobody doubted your ability to march us up the field.
And nobody's gonna doubt you now.
(Utensil clatters) (Monitor beeping rhythmically) It's a shame you're gonna miss the thaw fest.
I know how much you love it.
I'm hoping that my dad doesn't show up.
Remember what happened last year? Get better soon, huh? You're the only one I can do the Sunday crossword puzzle with in ink.
(Griffin) In my younger days, I felt sorry for myself that I had no gloves until I met a man with no hands.
Hello? (Children laugh) (Clock ticks, woman speaks indistinctly) (Screaming) (Pants) (Wheels squeaking) (Discordant music playing) (Wind howling) (Sheriff Conroy) The serpent always hisses (Distorted voices speaking indistinctly) (Voices stop) (Ding) (Whimpers) (Ding) (Electricity surges) (Elevator bell dings) Did you put something in my milk? It was cream, you silly bitch.
What'd you see in the ice shack, Georgia? Did you see who killed Jerry Friddle? (Crying) I had some dreams, they were clouds in my coffee.
(Discordant sounds) (Carly Simon) You walked into the party like you were walking onto a yacht Listen to me when I talk! And she had one eye in the mirror As she watched herself gavotte What the hell is "gavotte"? What does "gavotte" mean? (Glass shatters) (Laughs) It's a French thing.
All right? It's a it's a dance.
This guy is watching himself in the mirror, and he's dancing.
- You understand? - Okay.
I don't know why you always do this.
Shut up.
Why he always does this.
Stupid.
Shh! Shh! Listen! Listen (Speaks indistinctly) - You watched yourself go by - Go by Go by! It's "go by"! (Men) That they'd be your partner - They'd be your partner - They'd be your partner Shut up! Shut up! You're so vain - She's waking up.
- Oh, good.
Hi.
What am I doing here? Oh, baby boy wants to say hi.
(Snorts and laughs) Oh.
Hey.
- (Lincoln) Baby boy! - (Man) You always scare him away.
(Speaks indistinctly) Hello, Georgia.
Are you okay? (Laughs) (Laughs) (Whimpers) Do you want some tapioca? (Men continue laughing) (Screaming) (Monitor beeping rhythmically) Pardon me? I tell you, pop, part of me thinks all Peggy Haplin wants is a puppet.
I mean, not that you were a puppet, but you did insist on letting sleeping dogs lie, which is what Mrs.
Haplin wants.
(Sighs) With me, I figure she's of the mind that even if I wanted to wake up those sleeping dogs, I'd be too much of a nincompoop to do it.
(Chuckles) No.
I don't know, pop.
She's probably right.
He'll be back.
Pop? Now the blood's been spilled again.
He'll be back.
What? Who? The serpent always hisses where the sweet bird sings, Chloe.
Pop? Pop, who's Chloe? (Cell phone rings) Pop, talk to me.
Who's Chloe? (Ring) Pop, talk to me.
Who the hell is Chloe? (Ring) (Ring) Yeah? You need to come home right now.
(Crying) I ran and ran and ran.
- Did they hurt you? - Her eyes were dilated when she got here.
The Stivilettos must have drugged her.
(Sniffles) No, that doesn't make sense.
- I I was I had a cup of coffee - Did they hurt you? - (Sobbing) I don't know.
- Georgia, did they hurt you? I don't know.
(Tires squeal) I got your message, boss.
They're in the barn.
What, we making a arrest? Not an arrest, Root Beer.
(Dog barks) Not an arrest.
(Chickens clucking) Conroy, what the hell you doing? (Grunts) (Grunts) Did you want some pipe, huh? (Grunts) Huh? You want some of this? Yeah? (Grunts) (Grunts) (Grunts) (Screaming) (Groans) (Grunts) A 17-year-old? You drugged her, huh? (Grunts) Oh, no, man.
The bravin girl? No.
Look.
Look, we found her on the living room floor, all right? - You're lying.
- No! No! I swear! I swear! Tommy! Tommy! Tommy! Tommy! - I swear.
Please! - What is it, Root Beer? - I'm kind of in the middle of something.
- It's the state lab.
The guy says it's urgent.
(Dog barking in distance) - Yeah.
Hello? - Oh, hey there.
This is Murtaugh at the state lab.
Yeah, we got the organics back on the substance covering your homicide victim, - Jerry Friddle.
- Yeah, this really isn't a good time.
It's definitely flour, but it didn't come from your factory.
Now I know that because we also found some traces of dough.
Yeah, it's a special kind that contains Get this a fluoride found only in New York City tap water.
It was mixed into the dough.
What do you make of that? Maybe your guy got gooned by a pastry chef on vacation from Coney Island? (Laughing) (Snaps cell phone shut) What's up, T.
C.
? It's like the man says "The serpent always hisses where the sweet bird sings.
" (Door creaks) Tommy.
Hey, Mrs.
D.
Is he around? No.
I expect him soon for supper, though.
Oh, no worries.
I I was just gonna grab my drill gun, but I can come back.
Don't be silly.
It's in the basement.
You know the way.
(Clicking) (Clicks) (Dog barks in distance) (Rattling) (Switch clicks) Hey.
You weren't supposed to see this.
I had no idea.
What are you gonna do, T.
C.
, pull your gun on me? - What do you want me to do, Dave, thank you? - In a way.
You hammered a railroad spike into Jerry friddle's skull.
- Yeah.
I thought it was pretty clever.
- A railroad spike sent us straight to the Stivilettos, huh? 'Cause everybody knows the Stivilettos hated Friddle.
And God knows, they got plenty of spikes - laying around their place.
- Well, they do live by the tracks.
Come on, man.
I did it.
I killed the Magic Man.
Friddle was not the Magic Man.
Of course he was! I've been working on this for years, T.
C.
Surveilling, gathering evidence, making my case.
Making your case? Who the hell are you to make your case? You make pizzas, Dave.
I got rock-solid evidence.
- You got nothin'.
- Things were overlooked.
They weren't.
Man, those people, all those missing people.
My father investigated all of this when all that skulking trouble went down.
And Jerry friddle was in Las Vegas for a family reunion when Billy Mixon disappeared.
- No! No! - And he was in the hospital with Gallstones when Lauryn Ward vanished.
But you you stupid, fat moron! You just killed an innocent man based on half-baked conclusions after doing some junior varsity detective work.
Who the hell are you? - Who the hell are you to even get involved?! - Well, nobody else was doing anything! - Man, Griff wanted everybody just to forget about it! - Griff wanted the town to heal, Dave! Well, you can't heal a wound, Tommy, until you clean it out! (Door opens) (Woman) Everything okay down there? Yeah, ma.
Me and Tommy's just having a gab.
Tom, want to stay for dinner? I'm fine, Mrs.
D.
! We're having a spaghetti hotdish.
No, ma, he's okay.
(Door closes) All right, Dave, supposing you're right, supposing Jerry Friddle was the Magic Man.
Then you just killed the only person that can tell us what happened to those people.
No.
He told me where the bodies are.
- What? - Mm-hmm.
- Friddle told you where the bodies were? - Yeah.
- Did you have a gun pointed at his head when he told you this? - Yeah.
So? You ever think maybe he was under duress, that maybe he would say anything to get his ass out of that shack? - You stupid, pathetic idiot.
- It wasn't like that.
It wasn't like that.
You stupid, pathetic idiot.
He was taking them.
(Grunts) He was takin' nothin'! (Objects clatter) You've been my best friend since third grade, Dave.
And today I find out you're a killer Who's got a lair? What are we supposed to do now, Dave, huh? What am I supposed to do now? You do your job.
You caught me.
So we tell everyone what I did and why I did it.
No.
No, we don't, big Dave.
Because if we do, you go to jail forever.
All right? Because Jerry Friddle was not the Magic Man.
You hear me? Jerry Friddle was not the Magic Man! He told me where the bodies are! Oh, Dave, we gotta figure something out.
We gotta figure something out soon.
(Crickets chirping) (Click) (Click) (Door unlatches) (Door squeaks) (Birds chirping) (Door squeaks) (Squawking) (Cries) (Chirping and squawking stops) So I'm going now to buy the car.
Yeah, I found a used car place a couple towns over.
Right.
Well, the point being, once I reveal myself, then I get the heck outta Dodge.
(Brakes screech) Yeah.
Hey.
Hey.
What is this? (Whispers) Nothing.
- Georgia.
- It's nothing, Andrew.
- Did your father do this? - No.
- Georgia, did your father do this? - He didn't.
Th I'm gonna kill him.
I swear, I'm gonna kill him.
Actually, I visited Sheriff Conroy at the hospital.
And I got drugged or something and I ended up at the Stivilettos' place, - and somewhere along the way, I hit my face.
- Yeah, nice try.
I'm gonna kill your old man.
- I swear to God, Georgia, I'm gonna kill your old man.
- Andrew.
("You're so vain" playing) You walked into the party like you were walking onto a yacht.
Your hat strategically dipped below one eye, your scarf, it was apricot.
You had one eye in the mirror as you watched yourself Sheriff Conroy.
Dan Farmer, state police.
I work with Captain Frost, and I'm here to help.
You work with Captain Frost, huh? I do, and I'm here to help.
I'm surprised Frost hasn't paid us a visit himself.
You know, back in the day, he was a real presence.
He sent me, and I'm here to help.
Yeah, you said that.
I'm here as a resource.
We will get to the bottom of this Friddle case.
(Sighs) A homicide.
Hmm.
Don't get a lot of them.
When we do, we are snap-sharp.
Snap-sharp? Snap-sharp.
So don't you worry, Sheriff Conroy.
We will catch this guy.
We will catch this guy good.
Clouds in my coffee, clouds in my coffee and You're so vain.
You probably think this song is about you.
You're so vain.
So vain.
I bet you think this song is about you.
Don't you? Don't you? Yeah.
(Bird screeching) Aah! (Tires screeching) Aah! (Hawk cries) Well, you're where you should be all the time, and when you're not you're with some underworld spy or the wife of a close friend, wife of a close friend.
(Cries) And you're so vain