Heartbreak High (2022) s01e02 Episode Script

1
Ooh, I ain't fallin' in love ♪
I ain't fallin' in love no more ♪
With you, I ain't fallin' in love ♪
I ain't fallin' in love no more ♪
Hey, hey ♪
- Don't know, why do I feel this cold? ♪
- Hey, hey ♪
- Don't know, why do I feel this cold? ♪
- Hey, hey ♪
Don't know, why do I feel this cold? ♪
- I ain't fallin' in love ♪
- Why do I feel this cold? ♪
Why do I feel this cold? ♪
- I guess it was a waste of time ♪
- Waste of time ♪
I'm driftin' out of paradise ♪
Thought you had a soul ♪
Hey Map Bitch!
Can't hide how I'm feeling
And it's sorta cold ♪
Can't hide how I'm feeling ♪
You coming to the gig?
You transferred?
- Nice.
- Thanks.
- Cool shirt.
- Thanks!
Name one DZ Death Rays song.
- Shut up, Spider.
- Shut up.
Oh.
How'd you pull off after the cemetery?
Oh, yeah. Hangover anxiety
and stuff, but all good, yeah. You?
Yeah, had a really great night.
You rehearsing today?
- Yeah.
- The Cate Blanchetts, right?
No, we're Chronic Fatigue now.
But, um, I don't know if it'll stick.
Hopefully we figure it out
by Friday night.
Friday night?
Yeah, um, Dad's letting us
throw a gig at mine.
We're raising money
for the Global Women's Project.
Oh, that's so cool.
Yeah. Look, we got slap band tickets
and everything.
Oh.
Yeah, '90s.
- So '90s. So can I buy one off you?
- Yeah.
Yeah, um, Ant and Spider
are handling all that.
Ant and Spider?
Yeah. It'd be good
to see you there, Amerie.
Hey! Over here! Amerie, this way!
- It's our new bestie.
- Morning.
- Hello!
- Hey.
Huh. One of my favorite pornos starts
the exact same way.
How is new guy so popular already?
I want to bump chests with Dusty.
I need one of those slap bands.
Oh, sweetie, no one's going
to sell you that landfill.
You're the reason they're in SLTs,
remember? Come on.
Hey.
What's up?
The cops caught up with Ant
the other night.
Let him off with a warning.
Shoulda run faster.
Hey, wait.
Mmm. Don't.
That's, um, where I scraped my arm, so
And I'm all alone and I'm in my zone ♪
Sipping the Patron
Wanted something strong ♪
Keep thinking 'bout the ways
That they did me wrong ♪
Ant! Hey! Hey. Hey, um, can we chat?
You know how Dusty's got this
thing Friday night?
No chance.
You said Darren gave me a wristy.
They did, didn't they?
Well, yeah, but it's all the same
if you close your eyes.
You really stuffed things up for me, Ams.
My cousin told my auntie,
and she told my grammy,
who put it on Facebook.
Now my mum found out.
She's making me go to church
three times more a week because of you.
Okay. I am really, really, really sorry,
but not selling me a slap band
won't change any of that.
- But it might make me feel better.
- That's not very Christian of you.
Look, you're going to have
to talk to Spider, okay?
Oh, I'll talk to Spider.
That's a great idea, Ant.
Yeah, I'll just go talk to Spider.
In this demonstration, we learn
how to respect people's boundaries.
Mmm.
I don't want your noodles.
Sure you do. I want everyone to know
how great my noodles are.
I didn't even ask for your noodles.
Well, maybe I'll put them
in someone else's bowl.
Oh, my God, kill me now.
Hot noodles!
This seems kind of unhygienic.
I should share
these with my friends!
See, other people like my noodles.
They're so long and salty.
Go on. Eat them, Stanley. Eat them all.
Stop! I'm getting angry.
- Have you got a spare pen I can borrow?
- Nope, sorry.
Yes.
- Thanks.
- This is my favorite pen to draw with.
- Cool.
- I'm having fun!
Your actions
are making me feel uncomfortable.
I shoved my noodles in your bowl
even though you didn't want them.
I created a giant mess.
It's always the woman.
That's just an inaccurate representation.
The media is always doing this,
and I'm sick of it.
- This is disgusting. I don't understand.
- No!
Yes!
Invading the bowl?
Okay, miss, I have no idea
what that was trying to teach us.
Why was it the girl forcing them
to eat her noodles?
Because it's misogynist propaganda.
Women aren't such dick-obsessed idiots.
Uh, all the ones I've met are.
Your Sims girlfriend doesn't count.
Was it supposed to be a joke?
Uh, no, it's about
the dangers of sharing intimate
Noodles.
Forget about the noodles.
I'm trying, but it's hard to unsee.
It's telling us to be
ashamed of our bodies.
That's not
What I think it's asking us to consider
are the social consequences
of sharing nudes with other
That they'll see how hot I am?
- Yeah, Missy!
- Yeah, Missy!
No. That there's risks like revenge
porn, being excluded from friends,
ethical reasons.
People have been sharing naked pictures
since the dawn of time.
For example, cave paintings, art.
Renaissance titties.
- Thank you, Ant.
- True.
But nudes are like a human love
language, Jo.
Okay. Yeah, fair enough.
Look, I get that this video
isn't going to stop you,
but there are ways to be smarter about it.
Like, what if you don't
put your face in it?
I have a very recognizable dick.
I'm gonna ignore that.
Like, take the photo, fine.
But keep yourself incognito.
The hell?
You could even have some fun with it.
Wear a disguise, a mask, or a costume,
find artistic ways to take photos
that doesn't include your face,
so it can't be used against
you later. You're welcome.
Oh!
Um, moving on swiftly to the next section.
Sharing images without consent.
If you have any anonymous
questions, pop them in the box.
Okay. Pop them in the box.
This class sucks.
Yeah. Thanks, Map Bitch.
Yeah, thanks, Map Bitch.
Map Bitch.
Hey, um, I need to show you something.
- Shit.
- Do we tell Amerie?
No way.
Must've used Liquid Nails.
Well, hit it harder, Jim!
But seriously, we were all dumber
for watching that video.
Yeah, so not the issue, Jojo.
You told our students
to take naked pictures of themselves.
- That's not what I said. I
- That's what they heard.
They're probably out there right now
taking selfies of their
I've got a bunch of parents
from the P&C committee
coming to see me in half an hour,
wanting to come up with an action plan
to combat their sexually active teens,
and I've got sex maps
and dildos up the wazoo.
Just stick to the curriculum.
I want to come up with my own syllabus.
Most of these boys have no idea
what consent or even the clitoris is.
- Pfft!
- If we don't find a way of teaching them,
we're no better than the dumbasses
who made that video.
Miss, you have to cancel SLTs.
We've already done most of the stuff
we're not supposed to.
It's not gonna stop anyone. No offense.
None taken. Was actually just
having a similar chat with Ms. Woods.
Oh, God, they're here. Jim, cover that up!
We're all in SLTs 'cause of me.
Why can't I take sole responsibility
for everything?
Mrs. Vaughn and everybody else,
didn't we say 10:00 a.m.?
We're right on time to express
our disappointment, Stacy.
Yes, you are.
I bet Mrs. V would love to know
how our new class is going.
What did Jesus think
of genital warts, anyway?
Wow.
Please, Ms. Woods. Cancel SLTs. Please.
I will consider your argument, Amerie.
Let's go to my office. This way.
Oh, yeah! Oh!
That's, uh That's nice.
Nurse Carol?
Uh, she ran to the oval
to give a kid an EpiPen.
It's probably Jacobs in Year 9.
How do you know?
Bubble Boy's kind of a legend around
these parts.
Isn't that mean to call him that?
Well, no, because I'd never say it
to his face.
It must suck to feel like
the entire world is out to get you.
Even when you're just sitting there
breathing. Just existing.
Yeah, I feel like that all the time.
It's like the patriarchy's Paddle Pop
constantly being shoved down my throat.
I love Paddle Pops.
- Me too. Okay. Favorite flavor.
- Okay.
Three, two, one.
- Banana! No!
- Rainbow!
You know, it ruined my life
when I found out that rainbow flavor
is actually just caramel.
- Caramel? You're kidding me.
- Yes. I'm not.
- Caramel? I didn't know.
- Yeah.
Cool.
What are you in sick bay for?
I come for the biscuits.
Fuck off. Nurse Carol has biscuits?
Sometimes. She restocks them on Mondays.
By Wednesday they're usually gone.
If you want some,
get in on Monday or Tuesday.
I will.
Okay. Cool.
Did you finish that drawing from before?
Um Yeah.
Can I have a look?
Okay.
Oh. What is this?
It's my favorite book,
Angeline of the Underworld.
She's a demon
who drinks the blood of sleazy men.
But while she's doing that,
she's running a feminist empire business,
and she's also dating
a human on the side and
No, this is amazing.
Thanks.
If you're well enough to talk,
you can get back to class.
I will see you later.
Okay.
See you in SLTs.
Oh. Um, you forgot your
Fuck you, Spider.
I want a slap band.
- I still have to give her pen back.
- So give her the pen back.
Oh. She totally wants to give her more
than a pen, don't you?
You like Sasha?
She's had a wide-on for her since
the cemetery party. So go talk to her.
And say what?
Say, "Hey, I think you're hot.
Wanna scissor?"
- I can't say that! Because
- Why not?
Just be chill!
"Here's your pen. Wanna hang?"
No, I can't say that either.
- You really, really can.
- Go.
- Go, go, go. I believe in you.
- Now?
- Like now now?
- Now now.
I told you I couldn't do it.
What if she doesn't like me
or I'm not her type?
What if she thinks I'm weird?
What if she's still into Missy?
Spider will never sell me one.
He's cockblocking me
from getting to Dusty.
Oi, ball!
Yeah, he's an asshole.
Look at this.
How do you make someone like you?
You kill me.
I hate this game.
I have an idea. Run with me.
- I'm not running anywhere.
- Quinni, say something funny.
Uh
Come on.
Why are we laughing?
Not working. Kiss me.
- What?
- Maybe not.
To make her jealous.
Why do that?
I don't want to!
Stop this performative lesbianism!
Act like you want it!
- Hi!
- Hi.
I like you.
You're smart and you're
funny and you're really pretty.
You're really, really beautiful. Um, and
You like the sound
of your own voice too much.
I don't like
how your Twitter bio says "Empath."
Cool. No. Okay, noted.
Okay.
Um
Would you wanna hang out this weekend?
- I'd like that. A lot, yeah.
- Yeah? Okay.
- Let's hang out.
- Cool.
Okay, good. Enjoy the game. Have fun.
- I will.
- Good. Okay.
Hi, sorry, me again. Um
When you say hang out,
do you mean "hang out,"
or do you mean, like, um
Do you mean, like, go on a
- Do you mean go on a date?
- Like a date.
Cool! Okay, good.
I'm glad we cleared that up.
- That's good.
- Me too.
Bye. Goodbye.
Okay, goodbye.
Um
- Are you back again?
- I'm back again. It's me.
Um, this is yours.
Um, this is yours. It says Sasha on it.
I took it from you You gave it to me
and I forgot to give it back.
- But I know
- Thank you.
Good. There's your pen.
We're going on a date. Okay.
- See you around!
- Oh my
Harps!
I going on a date! Going on a date!
He can't stay. It's too small
and it's not set up for him.
Them. Them, them, them.
It's not set up for them.
And it never has been.
- Wow, straight to the nuts?
- Uh-huh.
I think they'd be better off
if they were here.
You mean, you would be.
They hardly even talk to me.
They're just using me for my house.
They are using you for your house.
And they're bloody mean. Apparently
my beard looks like a dead possum.
Well, one time he called me a Black Karen.
- They?
- Shit.
Eh.
Come on. This is hard. Yeah?
Uh, yeah. Exhausting.
And now
It's your turn.
Bye-bye.
Bye-bye.
Can you believe
my dad actually wrote this?
"Grease. Long hair."
"The throbbing motorcycle
and the open road beyond."
"Her flannel shirt whips him
like an animal."
"Clinging on for dear life."
How does a flannel shirt
whip someone like an animal?
- It's poetry, boo.
- Oh.
Hey. Are you sure about this?
Yeah. No, I want to do it.
Hmm.
Open.
What?
How you feeling?
- No. No, get them off. Get them off.
- Okay.
Okay.
How many girlfriends has Sasha had?
God, like, fifty? And you're
worried about your flaps.
Oh.
None of them meant anything.
Do you think I'll mean something?
Oh, please. You mean everything.
Listen to this.
"He imagined the"
"He imagined the blokes
on the field like the crest of a wave
grunting and sweating
as they came towards him."
Oh.
"Crashing over him.
Wrestling the ball from his grasp."
Okay, this is softcore.
I could actually get into
- Did I say you could read that?
- What? Your great Australian novel?
You buggered up the page order.
Do I do this to your stuff, huh?
Do you see me grabbing your stuff?
No, because that's my douche.
Jesus, Darren.
That was a bit harsh.
Well, okay
Oi, Ant!
What are you doing here?
Going home.
Don't you live in Daceyville?
Yeah, but I'm staying with an aunt.
Oh, cool.
Gummy?
Is it THC? Or
Either that
or prenatal vitamins.
Why'd you shave your head?
I dunno.
'Cause I wanted to.
Why are you sitting out here?
Hiding. Mum's still angry
about the whole map shit.
I got one wristy.
Yeah, but it was worth it, right?
Yeah.
Is that why you
and Amerie aren't friends anymore?
It was pretty dumb what she did.
Don't blame you.
Yeah.
How long do bruises last?
Uh, one to two weeks. Sometimes longer
if they're bad. Why?
Just wondering.
Hmm? Hmm.
Well, can you wonder and
help your sister at the same time? Mmm.
When's Harper getting here?
She's not.
But she always comes to taco night.
Yeah, well, not anymore.
- Is it 'cause she punched you in the head?
- Just drop it. Okay?
Is she prettier than you?
- Is she a better fighter than you?
- Shut up.
It's not my fault.
Wondering ♪
What in the world did I do? ♪
Crazy ♪
For thinking that my love
Could hold you ♪
I'm crazy for trying and crazy ♪
Hey, so, can I stay at yours tonight?
Only if I don't take that guy home.
I feel this weird energy
at mine at the moment.
I think my house might be haunted.
It's not funny!
Of course, stay at mine.
I'll protect you from spooky ghosts.
Hey, Ca$h said gate four, right?
Ca$h! Ca$hy!
- Here, eshay, eshay, eshay!
- Oh.
Come on.
for loving you ♪
Crazy ♪
For thinking that my love
Could hold you ♪
She gonna pull up
To the side of the road ♪
Suck it up
She dripping down to the toes ♪
Remember when I told her I need a 4 ♪
Who's next? You're done.
Sweet. Thanks, man.
What do you want?
Just clean up the back for me.
Men only.
What are you doing here then?
All right. $7.50 for your first cut.
Yeah, whatever.
We going off with no range ♪
And she gonna do what I say ♪
I swear that I'm on a way ♪
Lil mama she wanting a taste
She to close and she tryna be bae ♪
Yep, yep, yep.
Spider, please sell me a slap band.
What? No. You cooked? No way.
Dusty said I could come.
Why do you think he put me
in charge of tickets? Huh?
Keep tossers like you out.
Twenty bucks, right? I can transfer it
to you right now.
No, it's, uh
It's gone up to eighty now.
Come on, I'm asking you nicely. Please
Ninety. Be 100 in a minute.
Listen, you mayonnaise fuck.
What is your problem with me?
You're the reason we're in SLTs.
Well, SLTs is cancelled. Okay, so
- SLTs is cancelled?
- What? Did you hear that?
What else?
- You really want to come?
- Yes, please.
Hundred bucks, then.
Hey, have mine. Spider's a dick, so
This is a joke, right?
No. I'm way funnier than this.
So, what is it then? Pity?
I don't need pity.
Oi, I just
What?
I figure if SLTs is cancelled,
you deserve to go.
Thanks.
Amerie Wadia,
please report to the principal's office.
Oh! You're all going to be thanking me
now, aren't ya?
Yeah, yeah. Thanks, Map Bitch.
Map Bitch! Map Bitch! Map Bitch!
We're not cancelling the class.
But you said
No, Amerie,
Ms. Obah and I have discussed it
and we agree that you brought up
some very good points the other day.
So, well done. Tick to you, Amerie.
But the sexual literacy tutorials
are extensive
and there's a lot to get through.
So given you want
to take on more responsibility
I never said that.
which we love by the way,
yet another tick to you, Amerie,
we've landed on something
that will help you engage
more fully with the class.
Have a seat.
How long do I have to be your assistant?
Uh, just till the end of term.
So ridiculous.
Oi, remember Woodsy's driving
this train, not me.
I'm dead. They hate me.
You've heard what they call me.
Oh, yeah, Map Bitch.
Yeah, I can top that.
Go on.
Okay, so in Year 9, my best friend
and I tried to break into the canteen.
And, um We managed to get
the roller door up a few inches,
so she crawled through but I got stuck.
Half in, half out.
Oh?
The lovely Christie Chaka found me and
stuck a Le Snak between my butt cheeks.
And from then on, I was known
as "Le Crack."
Wait, why didn't your friend help you
when you got stuck?
She saved herself.
I know that feeling.
You didn't do the map
on your own, did you?
Not that it matters now.
Why'd you break into the canteen?
Oh, 'cause we had the
We were hungry.
You were high.
Oh, my God! You totally were!
You love the buds, don't you, miss?
Okay. Where is everyone?
I may have told them it was cancelled.
Oh.
Well, we'll just have to make up
for it after school then, won't we?
Oh, God.
So, last session, we covered
the social consequences of sexting.
Today's exercise will demonstrate just
how quickly your images can spread
to places you really don't want them to.
Nice one, Map Bitch.
You said SLTs was cancelled.
I have to be at work soon.
I love you. Remember you're loved.
Okay, so, today's exercise
is called the blue string game.
Would you like to walk us through it,
Ms. Woods?
Don't think about coming tonight.
So the toilet roll is a sext
and the blue string is the World Wide Web.
This is about the dangers of sexting
and how quickly information can be spread.
So I want you to move
those toilet rolls around the string
and Malakai and Amerie
to try and get them.
That's it. Get it.
That's it. Get that sext
flying along the string.
Come on.
Here we go. That's it.
Hey, um, I'm really sorry.
I swear she was going to cancel it.
As if those dickheads
had anywhere better to be.
See you tonight?
Hey, you home for dinner?
I'm late for work.
Can you please let
me know what your movements are?
I just said I'll be at work.
Can you clean up some of your shit
before you go?
Dad
Living here means you play by my rules.
That means pulling your weight.
If you've got a job, you can pay board.
I need that money to live.
Sorry, mate. That's the deal.
How much do you pay Mum in child support?
- What?
- How much?
I'm not telling you that, Darren.
That's what I thought.
Are you disappointed I didn't turn out
to be some uber-masc,
rugby-loving car nut
like the wankers in your novel?
Where's this coming from?
You want me to pay board
so I can go home to Mum
and continue to not be
your problem anymore.
No, that's not what this is. Darren.
Hey! That's not what this is!
Hey. Hey, I'm so sorry I'm late.
- You weren't waiting long, were you?
- No.
Okay, cool. I can't believe you
haven't been here before.
Okay, so you want to avoid the samosas,
but the rotis are amazing.
You doing okay?
Yeah, I'm fine. I'm good. Yes.
Yeah? Cool.
Do you want to go grab us a table
and I'll get some water?
Okay. Yep.
Sorry.
Um, excuse me.
Sorry.
Sorry. Sorry, um,
where do I get a table? Sorry.
Just grab any free one.
Okay.
but these roses ♪
I want, I want nothing to do
But these ♪
Okay.
Hi, welcome to
my cellulite palace of wonders.
What eviscerated animal
can I deep-fry for you this evening?
Bacon burger?
Yup, do you want a Coke with that?
Bins. Then go home.
And next shift, bring a better attitude.
Going well?
Very funny.
It's like, what am I even doing here?
Earning the big bucks.
My dad just said
I have to start paying board.
Board like this is fucking Monopoly.
Well, maybe he's broke, bro.
Like, what does he do?
Not enough.
Huh? What's his place like?
Why? Are you planning on robbing him?
Fuck off.
Oi. Party in the back. Clear off.
I thought I told you to go home.
I'm just standing here.
Rack off.
And then my parents were like,
"You should get a job
at an NFP over the holidays."
And I was like,
"Yeah, I kind of did that last semester
and I wasn't really sure
about doing it again."
Because I'm just
charities misrepresent
marginalized communities, you know?
Anyways
What do you think about the lentils?
They're good. Yeah.
What were you saying?
Uh, just that, you know,
I wasn't really sure
what I'm going to do over the break now.
Hey, where you going? Wristband.
- Shit.
- Okay, chill.
What will we do now?
Um No, I have a plan.
Mm-hmm. And they work so well.
I hope Dusty's dad
is feeling bicurious
I'm doing it. I'm going in raw.
That's not what that means!
Hey, I lost my band, but my name
should be on the list.
- Yeah? What is it?
- Harper McLean.
All right. In you go.
Thank you.
Hey.
Is there a problem?
No. Sorry, Map Lady, no can do.
- Seriously?
- Seriously.
- Are you kidding me?
- No. Move.
I mess up once. Once!
Hey, it's almost like actions
have consequences, yeah?
Oh, what?!
What? You're giving up that easy?
Come on.
Why are you helping me?
Ah. Nothing better to do.
You know being caught
with me is, like, social suicide?
Ah. Shoot me in the face then.
Come on.
Huh?
Pff.
- Ready? Yeah?
- Uh-huh.
Good?
- Can you do this?
- Yeah.
Jesus!
Shit.
I think I twisted my ankle!
It's It's not funny!
I'm gonna pull you in!
Stop!
Gimme your hand.
Drowned rat alert.
Um, there's a bathroom upstairs.
What are you doing?
I left the back gate open.
Did you not see my text?
Oh, my gosh.
Boast 'bout how you suffer ♪
I didn't know he loved ya ♪
Hey. Wasn't sure
you'd be into this kind of thing.
Oh, no, I love it when straight boys
pretend to care about women's rights.
Oh, right, I see you prefer guys
who don't give a shit about anything.
"Hey, I'm Harper, and I, uh, hate anyone
who tries to make an effort."
"Hey, I'm Dusty, and I'm a giant wanker
who's only doing this for social clout."
See ya. And thanks for having me.
Anytime.
Um, hey, thanks for tonight.
Um, I'm gonna go.
Okay.
Darren!
You're good.
Let's scam.
Dusty's parents have cash flow.
This stuff is so exxy.
Think it'd be weird to make out
with Dusty, smelling like his mum?
Darren!
What's wrong?
Quinni?
I was trying to listen.
Like, at the date, I was trying so hard,
but it was the lights,
the people, the sound
It's okay. Deep breaths.
Every time I tried to talk
or listen or focus,
Sasha would look at me like I was weird.
And I like her so much.
I really wanted this to work.
Like, so badly. And I
I just can't ever do any of this.
- I can't
- It's okay. Oh, oh, oh.
No touching the Quinni. Uh
You look great.
Why don't you go trap some dick.
You know where to find us.
Okay.
Look at me.
Okay. We live in this bathroom now.
Okay.
- Hey, hey.
- Hey.
You guys on soon?
Uh, yeah, in a bit.
This is embarrassing, right?
It's embarrassing
that we think we can do this?
Yeah, it's, like, super embarrassing.
Like, so embarrassing!
Yeah.
Ah!
You should just cancel the whole gig.
Tell everyone to go home.
I can't do that.
- No, you can't. No.
- No.
So, get out there and kill it. Okay?
Mm-hmm.
You are a champion, Dusty,
and they're going to hear you roar.
Isn't Isn't that a Katy Perry song?
No. No, um, it's, like, this poet
I've been reading lately. Peter Rivers.
- Yeah? Cool.
- Um You'd
You'd like him, actually.
- I'll check him out.
- Yeah! You should check him out.
- Yeah. Cool.
- Cool.
Hey!
I think you should have this.
Made me feel better
when you gave it to me.
Thanks.
Yeah.
Let's get caught up
In the wind this time ♪
There's power found where freedom lies ♪
Oi, Dusty, you dickhead!
Well, thanks, Am.
Oh, and you smell, like, really good
by the way. Like, really good.
Keep taking me higher, higher ♪
Keep taking me higher, higher ♪
Keep taking me higher, higher ♪
Hey.
I'm sorry about before. I shouldn't
always assume that you're
What?
Up to no good?
Yeah.
Yo, Ca$h. Cocktail, mate?
Yeah, cheers, Ian.
I call this one the "Fat Little Soldier."
I'm a fark!
Whoo!
Hello. Um, thank you all
for coming out tonight.
We are here in support
of the Global Women's Project.
Way to go, yeah! This shit is awesome.
Um Thanks, Dad.
Anyway, we're Renaissance Titties,
and, um, I just want to give a shout out
to someone special in the audience.
Um
There she is.
Hey, Harper.
This song is for Harper McLean.
It's called "My Life Is Nothing
Without the Warm Embrace
of your Sweet Left Cheek."
Yeah, Harper!
A one, a two,
a one, two, three, four.
Are you serious? Did you know this?
Sinking away
Girl, I lay here in your shade ♪
Seasons come and seasons change ♪
Well I ♪
Oi!
Harper! Harper, what the fuck?!
I didn't know he was gonna do that.
So you hooked up with him?
The boy I've been in love with
for almost five years.
The boy I've literally never
stopped talking about.
- Is that what all this was about?
- No, it's not. It's really not.
I didn't even want to hook up
with him, okay?
It just happened.
Oh. So it was so easy for you.
Nah, fuck this.
Are you done?
Are you done fucking with my life?!
Okay, I think I'm good to go now.
Stunning.
Where is Amerie?
It's okay. I've got this.
Hey. I thought you liked me.
I do like you.
Then why act like you didn't?
I didn't mean to.
It just happens to me sometimes.
I freeze up and forget how to speak.
It happens when I'm stressed out.
I stress you out?
No, you don't stress me out. You make
me anxious and so excited, and
You could try showing it instead
of acting like I bore the shit out of you.
- You don't bore me.
- Really? Really
Because the entire night
your face was like
- Like you couldn't even look at me.
- I'm autistic. Okay?
Right.
I'm autistic. I have autism,
whatever you want to say.
No, but how did I not know this?
I'm pretty good at masking.
Putting on a face. Pretending.
Most of the time.
Yeah, but you don't Like, you're not
Like, I've met autistic people.
Okay.
And you're really emotionally intelligent.
Yep.
And so, I just thought
Okay, Sia.
No. Quinni.
I'm sorry.
I clearly need to do more research.
But I think you're really cool. And
you're different to anyone I've ever met
and that's why I like you.
You have a face that looks like
it would be very nice to kiss,
but you have a very, very shit taste
in restaurants.
Okay. Well, then why don't you try it?
Try what?
This.
Be sweet to me, baby ♪
I wanna believe in you
I wanna believe in something ♪
Probably fucked
your ankle running on it.
But this will help.
Here you go.
Thanks.
Yep.
What a mess.
No. No, tonight was cool.
No. Well, what? We saw a crap band.
You went for a swim.
I I found a nang.
Did you know about Harper and Dusty?
Yeah, I I think they hooked up
at the graveyard party.
I'm such an idiot.
No, uh
- Jesus.
- You know, they probably won't last.
What's the deal
with you and Harper, anyway?
You ever have someone who you love
with everything you've got
just turn on you for no reason?
Hmm.
I dunno. You know, maybe she's
going through something.
Or maybe she's just a bitch.
Who knows?
It's not because I don't want you here.
I've been writing this thing for so long,
and I have found no success,
no respect, no money and I'm not sure
if it'll ever be worth it.
But I know what is worth it and I
really want to make this work.
If you still want to live
with your deadbeat dad.
Fifty bucks a week. And I'll chuck in
a large fries every Thursday.
By the way,
I'm not a huge fan of how the son
steals the surfboard in the end.
It's too predictable
and it's not how real life works.
You read the whole thing?
I was taking a shit.
I needed something to read.
It must've been
a hell of a shit.
Yeah, I was pretty backed up.
Don't read into it!
Goodnight.
Girl I love
Open up ♪
This ain't no place for secrets ♪
I'll keep 'em
Please don't be scared ♪
Trust me we're way too deep ♪
- Why are you judging me?
- What? I'm not.
Uh
Just so you know,
I'm not going to kiss you.
So don't get any ideas.
This isn't a thing.
Totally. Without a doubt. I wasn't gonna.
- Mmm.
- Mmm.
- Good. Glad we cleared that up.
- Mmm.
Can I have my peas back, then?
They're gross and mushy now anyway.
Thanks.
And every hour with you babe
You babe, you ♪
Where the hell have you been?!
You're not even supposed
to be leaving the house!
Well?!
Inside now!
Amerie Wadia,
you get inside this house right now!
I will not ask you again!
Good night.
How'd we go, little mate?
Rich gronk, bingo.
Come on.