Heathcliff & the Catillac Cats (1984) s01e02 Episode Script

HEATHCLIFF,
HEATHCLIFF ♪
NO ONE SHOULD
TERRIFY THEIR
NEIGHBORHOOD ♪
BUT HEATHCLIFF
JUST WON'T BE UNDONE ♪
PLAYING PRANKS
ON EVERYONE ♪
THERE'S A RACE
TO BE ON TOP ♪
THE COMPETITION
DOESN'T STOP ♪
MIXING WITH
THE LADIES FAIR ♪
BEING CHARMING,
DEBONAIR ♪
THE GANG WILL
REIGN SUPREME ♪
AND NO ONE CAN DENY
THEY'LL MAKE
SOME HISTORY ♪
AND ALWAYS
HAVE AN ALIBI ♪
SO JOIN IN
THE JUBILEE ♪
THE CATS ARE GREAT,
THEY'LL ALL AGREE ♪
FIND IN EACH CALAMITY
THE CAT'S SUPERIORITY
OHH, OHH
OHH, OHH
HEATHCLIFF, HEATHCLIFF
NO ONE SHOULD
TERRIFY THEIR
NEIGHBORHOOD ♪
BUT HEATHCLIFF
JUST WON'T BE UNDONE ♪
YOU SHOULD REALIZE
HE CAN WIN I
WITH YOU ♪
- OH, MY GOSH.
THIS DOESN'T LOOK
LIKE MY NEIGHBORHOOD.
I MUST HAVE BEEN ASLEEP
FOR A LONG TIME
TO HAVE TRAVELED SO FAR
FROM HOME.
- AHA! ANOTHER STRAY!
BACK OFF, MUTT!
- [PANTING]
- GEE, I'VE NEVER SEEN A DOG
SO HAPPY TO GO TO THE POUND.
- OH, BOY! I'M GOING HOME!
[TIRES SQUEAL]
- [HUMMING]
UH-OH.
- HEY, DID YOU HEAR ABOUT THA
BIG DUMB DOG CHAUNCEY?
- YEAH. THE SILLY GOOFBALL
WENT AND GOT HIMSELF CAUGH
BY THE DOGCATCHER
IN THE NEXT TOWN.
OH, WELL, HE'LL GET ADOPTED
BY SOMEONE
AND WE'LL NEVER HAVE TO LOOK A
HIS UGLY PUSS AROUND HERE AGAIN.
- CHAUNCEY?
[SNORES]
GEE, THAT CHAUNCEY'S NOT SUCH
A BAD GUY.
GUESS I'VE GOT TO
HELP THE SCHMO OUT.
HE'S TOO DUMB TO DO IT ALONE.
HEY, UH, HEY, WAIT A MINUTE,
FELLAS.
WHAT'S THIS I HEAR
ABOUT CHAUNCEY?
- AH, THE BIG CLOWN
STRAYED INTO THE NEXT TOWN
AND GOT CAUGH
BY THE DOGCATCHER.
HE'S IN THE POUND NOW.
- SERVES HIM RIGHT.
- YEAH. HE IS THE DUMBEST THING
ON 4 LEGS.
- AH, THANKS FOR THE INFO.
- ANYTIME.
- ANYTIME.
- EH, THIS LOOKS LIKE
THE PLACE.
"THE CITY POUND."
BOY, IT'S NOTHING LIKE
THE POUND BACK HOME.
YI! OOH!
MEOW!
YEOW!
GRR
- [WHISTLING]
- MEOW.
- NICE KITTY.
- "NICE KITTY"? YECH.
I'VE GOT TO FIND A WAY
INTO THAT DOG POUND.
YEOW!
MEOW.
- BE A GOOD KITTY
AND GO AWAY, WILL YOU?
- GRR
WHAT KIND OF TOWN
IS THIS ANYWAY?
A CAT CAN'T EVEN GET HIMSELF
THROWN IN THE POUND.
BUT A DOG COULD.
OH, BOY. THIS IS EMBARRASSING.
- [LAUGHTER]
- I KNOW DOGS ARE UGLY,
BUT I DIDN'T KNOW
PEOPLE LAUGHED AT THEM.
WHOOPS. UH, MY MISTAKE.
HI, FELLAS!
HOW ABOUT THAT?
COUPLE OF CATS LIKE THA
BEING AFRAID OF A DOG.
- OK, HONEY, THEN THE DATE'S
ON FOR TONIGHT, RIGHT?
YEAH, WE'LL REALLY
TEAR UP THE TOWN.
HUH?
EXCUSE ME A SECOND, HONEY.
THERE'S A DOG HERE
PESTERING ME.
LOOK, I TOLD YOU TO
BEAT IT!
- [BARKING]
- GOTCHA!
- HA HA!
- NO MORE ROOM.
LOOKS LIKE THIS IS
YOUR LUCKY DAY, POOCH.
I GUESS I CAN MAKE ROOM
FOR YOU UP FRONT, MUTT.
WELL, THAT'S THE LAST OF 'EM.
- WHAT KIND OF DOG
ARE YOU SUPPOSED TO BE?
- UH, I'M WHAT YOU CALL
A CAT TERRIER.
- I AIN'T NEVER HEARD
OF NO CAT TERRIER.
BUT ANYTHING WITH
THE NAME "CAT" IN IT I HATE.
- YOU'RE BREAKING MY HEART.
[HONK]
- AND THE FIGHT IS ON.
OH, A VICIOUS RIGHT!
A LEFT! ANOTHER RIGHT.
NOW THE CHAMP STAGGERS BACK.
THE LITTLE CHALLENGER LANDS
AN OVERHAND RIGHT!
A LEFT TO THE BODY!
OH, MY!
THE LITTLE CHALLENGER SEEMS TO
BE TOO MUCH FOR THE CHAMP!
HE'S ONE MAD DOG.
AND THE FIGHT IS OVER!
WE HAVE A NEW CHAMPION!
- AS USUAL, THE BEST DOG
IN THE PLACE IS A CAT.
ANYONE ELSE?
- HEY, DOTTIE, LOOK AT THAT BIG,
GOOFY-LOOKING DOG.
- HE LOOKS AWFULLY WELL BEHAVED,
DEAR.
- I LIKE HIM, MOM.
HE'S GOOFY.
- I CAN'T LET THESE PEOPLE
TAKE CHAUNCEY.
I HAVEN'T THOUGHT OF A PLAN YET.
- NICE DOGGIE.
- RARH!
- HEE HEE!
AW, TOUGH LUCK, BIG FELLA.
THEY LOOKED LIKE
NICE PEOPLE, TOO.
- I DIDN'T WANT TO GO
WITH THEM.
I JUST WANT TO GO HOME.
- HEY, CHAUNCEY,
IT'S ME!
- OH, NO! HEATHCLIFF'S
BEEN EATEN BY A DOG.
COME ON. GIVE ME BACK MY FRIEND!
GIVE ME BACK MY FRIEND!
I'LL SAVE YOU, HEATHCLIFF.
GIVE ME BACK MY FRIEND!
NO, NO, CHAUNCEY.
IT'S JUST ME.
THIS IS A DOG SUIT, SEE?
- IT'S HEATHCLIFF!
- CUT IT OUT, WILL YA?
I'M DROWNING IN HERE.
LISTEN, I GOT TO TALK TO YOU.
[WHISPERING]
- THAT'S THE DOG, DADDY.
THAT BIG FAT ONE
OVER THERE.
COME ON OVER AND SEE.
CAN I HAVE HIM, DADDY?
CAN I? CAN I?
- LOOK AT THEM.
THEY'RE PERFORMING DOGS.
UH, DO THEY COME AS A PAIR?
- IT'S NEWS TO ME.
- HA HA!
WE'LL TAKE THEM BOTH!
- YOU GOT 'EM.
- [STRUGGLING]
COME ON, YOU DOGS, LET'S GO!
- GET 'EM IN THE CAR, DAD.
THEY'RE JUST DOGS.
- WHOA. YEOW!
- WAH!
THOSE WERE THE GREATEST DOGS
I'VE EVER SEEN!
GET 'EM BACK, DADDY!
- YOU WANT 'EM?
YOU GET 'EM.
- ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT,
DON'T CROWD, GUYS.
YOU'LL ALL GET AN EQUAL SHARE.
- GEE, THANKS, FELLAS.
YOU SHOULDN'T HAVE.
- BOY, CHAUNCEY,
I'M GLAD YOU'RE BACK HOME.
EVERYONE WAS VERY WORRIED
ABOUT YOU.
DON'T YOU EVER RUN AWAY AGAIN.
- OK, HEATHCLIFF,
WE KNOW YOU'RE IN THERE.
COME ON OUT AND TAKE I
LIKE A CAT.
YEOW!
- RAHR!
HMM. BEING A DOG HAS SOME
ADVANTAGES AFTER ALL.
HA HA!
- COME ON, YOU BANANAS!
CODE RED!
- WE'RE ONE STOP BEHIND YOU,
RIFF RAFF.
- FEEL GOOD'S HERE, ROG.
WORDSWORTH IS HERE.
- I'D BETTER HURRY OR--
[DING]
OH! OR RIFF-RAFF
WILL TELL ON ME.
- COME ON! TIME TO
PARTY HEARTY!
- UH, WHO'S THIS HEARTY GUY,
RIFF?
- AH
IF THOSE GUYS DON'T SHAPE UP,
I'M GONNA HAVE TO PU
MY--MY FOOT DOWN.
- HEY. NO CATS IN THE CARNIVAL.
NOW BEAT IT.
- HRMPH.
- GRR
- NO CATS. CAN YOU BELIEVE
THAT--OH!
OOH!
- ANYONE ELSE WANT A FREE RIDE?
- UH, I'D LIKE A FREE RIDE
ON THE MERRY-GO-ROUND.
- YOU LIKE, GELDORF?
- HEE HEE!
- YOU OK?
- I'M BREATHING, AIN'T I?
HELP ME OUT OF THIS.
I NEED A HAND.
AHEM.
I HOPE THIS WILD URGE
TO CLAP YOUR HANDS
STEMS FROM YOUR NEWFOUND LOVE
OF SPANISH MUSIC
AND NOT A DESIRE TO HUMILIATE
YOUR LEADER.
- LA DO RE, OK.
- THAT'S BETTER.
WE'RE GOING BACK
AS SOON AS IT CLOSES.
AND WE'RE TAKING CLEO, TOO.
SHE LOVES THE CARNIVAL.
- NIGHT, BOYS.
BIG DAY TOMORROW.
SOUND LIKE IT'S BRUNO TIME,
HUH, GELDORF?
[GROWLING]
EASY, BOY.
PAPA'S COMING.
[STRAINING]
[GROWLING]
RELEASE BRUNO.
- HMM. A BIT TO THE LEFT.
AH, THERE.
HIT ME WITH YOUR BEST SHOT.
- WHOA!
- WHOA! GET YOUR OWN PLACE!
- WATCH OUT!
- WOWSIE WOWSER!
OH, WHOA!
- WHOA!
- IT'S HARD TO SOAR WITH EAGLES
WHEN YOU HANG AROUND
WITH TURKEYS.
- LOOK OUT!
SORRY FELLAS, HERE I COME!
CLEO! MR. GOOD TIME IS HERE.
[WOLF WHISTLE]
- YOU LIKE WHAT YOU SEE?
- YOU'RE THE BEST-LOOKING THING
ON 4 LEGS, BABY.
- UH-OH! IT'S BUSH!
- THINGS ARE GONNA GET HAIRY
FOR BUSH.
- CLEO, I THOUGHT I TOLD YOU TO
KEEP RIFF-RAFF OUT OF THE STORE.
NOW GET OUT!
- FETCH!
- A-RUFF! A RUFF! A-RUFF!
A-RUFF RUFF RUFF RUFF!
A-RUFF RUFF RUFF
RUFF RUFF RUFF.
- COME ON, BABY.
WE'RE GOING OUT.
- AH
- ENTRE VOUS.
- OOH. WAIT FOR ME!
- I WONDER HAS IN STORE
FOR ME.
- I AM YOUR FUTURE.
- OH, RIFFY.
- WE'LL MAKE
BEAUTIFUL MUSIC TOGETHER,
LIVE IN A BIG MANSION.
- UH-OH.
- HAVE A SWIMMING POOL,
SERVANTS, AND--
- WHATCHA DOING HERE, FOOL?
- NICE DOGGY.
GOOD DOGGY.
- WE'RE LEAVING
OR WE'RE GRIEVING.
- RIFF-RAFF!
- RELAX, SWEETIE.
THIS WILL ONLY TAKE A SEC.
HEY, DUMMY, I'M IN HERE!
BRR!
- JUST HIT THE BULL'S-EYE
AND GIVE THE BEEFCAKE A BATH.
- THROW A SINKER
AT THE STINKER.
- WHO DO YOU THINK
YOU'RE TALKING TO?
OH!
THIS IS ICE WATER, FOOL!
- [LAUGHTER]
- THAT OUGHT TO COOL HIM OFF.
- IT WOULD BE NEAT TO HAVE
ONE OF THOSE DOLLS.
- UH, I'LL GET YOU ONE, CLEO.
- YOU GOT TO WIN IT, DINGBAT.
- STEP THIS WAY,
WIN A PAL FOR YOUR DAY.
WHAT YOU BE FOR YOUR CUTIE?
- SO, THEY SNUCK IN
JUST THE SAME.
- G-G-G-GET ME OUT!
- IT'S STUCK!
I BETTER GET THE BOSS.
- HURRY! I'M F-F-FREEZING!
- NOW, WATCH CLOSELY.
IT'S ALL IN THE PAW.
- AND HE WINS A BABY
FOR HIS LADY.
- NICE GOING, SLICK.
- AND RIFF-RAFF STRIKES AGAIN.
- LET'S GO ON SOME RIDES.
- CAN'T. THEY'RE TURNED OFF.
- THEY'RE COOKING NOW.
- WELL, I WANT TO GO
ON THE MERRY-GO-ROUND.
- LET'S TAKE A TWIRL
ON THE TILT-A-WHIRL.
- HOW ABOUT
[WHISTLES]
I'M THINKING TUNNEL OF LOVE,
BUT IT'S LADIES CHOICE.
- I LIKE THE KILLER CORKSCREW,
BUT WON'T THE NOISE
WAKE UP THE CARNY?
- NO. NOT A CHANCE.
- [SCREAMING
AND HOLLERING]
- WHOA!
- [BABBLING]
- BRUNO! MY POOR BABY.
- [SCREAMING]
- ARGH!
YA!
WHO DID THIS?
- GERONIMO!
- [LAUGHTER]
[ALL GROANING]
- HELP!
- HIDE SOMEWHERE
WHILE I DISTRACT HIM.
AAH! AAH! AAH!
I SAW LASSIE DO THIS ONCE.
- LOCK THESE TWO UP.
THEN GET THE GIRL
AND THE STUPID ONE.
I'M GOING AFTER THE RINGLEADER.
- YOU ARE GONE, CATS!
- ANOTHER FINE MESS
RIFF-RAFF'S GOTTEN US INTO .
- [CRYING]
- I'VE GOT TO GO ON A DIET.
WELL, HOWDY, PILGRIM.
UH-OH.
- RARH!
YOU!
ARGH!
HOW DID THAT GET THERE?
WHICH WAY DID HE GO?
- CLEO! CLEO!
WHERE ARE YOU, BABY?
- LOOKING FOR YOUR PRECIOUS?
WE'VE GOT ALL YOUR FRIENDS.
- COME BACK HERE,
YOU--YOU WEASEL.
NOW, THERE'S NOTHING
TO BE AFRAID OF.
IT'S JUST A HAUNTED HOUSE.
[WHISTLING]
- [LAUGHING]
- OH, NO!
WHAT A KNIGHT!
YIKES!
AY! YI!
TALK ABOUT A GUY
WITH NOTHING UPSTAIRS.
- HA HA!
POP GOES THE WEASEL
- FEETS DON'T FAIL ME NOW. OOF!
OOF!
I LOVE BEING AROUND SHOW PEOPLE,
BUT THIS IS RIDICULOUS.
- GET US OFF OF HERE!
I GET AIR SICK!
- CLEO? BUNKO?
WORDSWORTH? HECTOR?
WHERE ARE--
- HERE! OVER HERE!
- IN THE BULLET.
- THANKS, RIFF-RAFF.
- WHERE'D THEY STASH CLEO?
- WHEN YOU'RE FINISHED
CHEWING THE FAT,
WOULD YOU GET ME OUT OF HERE?
- A DAMSEL IN DISTRESS--
MY KIND OF ACTION.
- WHAT TOOK YOU SO LONG?
- YOU SAY THE SWEETEST THINGS.
- EEE!
- RELAX, BABY.
SORRY, GUYS, BUT THIS TUB
IS A TWO-SEATER.
- AIN'T A NIGHT AT THE CARNIVAL
ROMANTICAL?
- AIN'T IT, THOUGH?
- YOU KNOW, FISH GOT TO BREATHE,
TOO.
THEY TAKE IN WATER
THROUGH THEIR MOUTHS,
REMOVE THE OXYGEN
FROM THE WATER.
IF THE WATER HAS BEEN
IN THE BOWL TOO LONG,
ALL OF THE OXYGEN GETS USED UP,
AND THE WATER GETS DIRTY FROM
THE ALGAE GROWING IN IT.
IF YOU HAVEN'T GOT A BUBBLER
AND AN AIR FILTER,
YOU GOT TO CHANGE THE WATER
BEFORE THE OXYGEN IS ALL GONE.
THAT'S HOW PEOPLE
TAKE CARE OF FISH.
AND THIS IS HOW CATS
TAKE CARE OF FISH.
- HEATHCLIFF!
- HEE HEE!
HEATHCLIFF,
HEATHCLIFF ♪
NO ONE SHOULD
TERRIFY THEIR
NEIGHBORHOOD ♪
BUT HEATHCLIFF
JUST WON'T BE UNDONE ♪
PLAYING PRANKS ON EVERYONE
THE GANG WILL REIGN SUPREME
AND NO ONE CAN DENY
THEY'LL MAKE
SOME HISTORY ♪
AND ALWAYS
HAVE AN ALIBI ♪
SO JOIN IN
THE JUBILEE ♪
THE CATS ARE GREAT,
THEY'LL ALL AGREE ♪
OHH, OHH
BUT HEATHCLIFF
JUST WON'T BE UNDONE ♪
YOU SHOULD REALIZE
HE CAN WIN IT WITH YOU