Hercules: The Legendary Journeys s01e02 Episode Script

There he is! Come on, girls! Get him! He's mine! Hold him! I’ll get him! Hey, Herc-boy! Hurry! Come back! Thanks, Darlin’.
Yeah, well, compared to what I usually hear around this dump, you got no problems.
Yeah, but King Thespius wants every one of them to have a child by me.
Yeah, how many daugthers does the old boy got? - Fifty.
- Ho-ho-ha-ha! No problem! You’ll take care of ‘em easy! Hmm.
Sorry.
I’m a one-woman man.
Let me fix you some eggs.
That’ll put lead in your- Hey, Hercules! What’re you gonna do about that Cyclops in Trachas, huh? Ah, give him some room, Androcles.
The guy had a run-in with a lion a while back.
- He’s been a wet-brain ever since.
- No, it’s all right.
Let him talk.
Yeah, let me talk.
This Cyclops has been chasing people out of their homes- hurtin’ them, too.
All to protect Hera’s sacred vineyards.
Hera.
- Is what he’s saying true? - Yeah.
Then I, uh- better go see for myself.
What about those fifty sisters? Oh, it’ll be a lot easier to deal with one cyclops.
- Far enough, little man.
- OK.
B-b-but I’m just a, ah- a-a pumble heddler- a-a humble peddl- I’m on my way to Trachas.
- Not through the vineyard! - But there’s no other way.
Yes, there i-i-is.
Ah-ah-ah-ah! Don’t wrinkle the material! Nooooooooo! This is the story of a time long ago.
A time of myth and legend, when the ancient gods were petty and cruel, and they plagued mankind with suffering.
Only one man dared to challenge their power-Hercules.
Hercules possessed a strength the world had never seen, a strength surpassed only by the power of his heart.
He journeyed the earth, battling the minions of wicked stepmother, Hera, the all-powerful queen of the gods.
But wherever there was evil, wherever an innocent would suffer, there would be Hercules.
Hello.
All right! I admit it.
I look like a stuffed owl.
Ha-ha-ha-ha.
Now, could you just- get me down? Ahhh! Ooh! Are- you all right? I just fell out of a tree- and landed on my nose.
- What do you think?! - But you are going to live? It’s too early to tell.
It feels like I got a lotta loose body parts.
And you never know about internal bleeding.
How’d you get up there, anyway? Some lunatic Cyclops kicked me in the rear and sent me flying! You gonna help me up or not? Oh- sorry.
This- Cyclops- do you know where I can find him? - You a friend of his? - No, but I’m planning on looking him up.
Do tell! Who do you think you are- Hercules? - Well, as a- matter of- - Wait a minute! Wait a minute! It is you! I should have recognized ya! I’m Salmoneus, the travelling toga salesman.
Ha-ha-ha! I can’t wait to see this.
See what? See you put your fist in that big freak’s eye.
- What I do isn’t a spectator sport.
- Oh? Then how about this? Oh, then how about this? You take me along and I make you a sweet deal on a new toga.
'What’s a toga?' My boy- fashion is passing you by.
I’ll explain it on the way.
Come on.
This is a fool’s mission, Atreus.
Not if we get this river back on its course.
Now, come on, you two- put your shoulders to this thing! It’s him.
- Keep pushin’ here! - I didn’t come out here to die.
Volus, you coward! I’m gonna stomp you when I get back- and I’m gonna make your wife and kids watch! Use your anger on this rock.
Get away from my river! Or would you rather die?! You’re not gonna kill me, you one-eyed freak! Are you crazy?! Let’s get outta here! Yeah! Go back with the rest of the women! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! - One-eyed son-of-a- - Don’t, Evander! That’s the boy.
Come and get it.
You want some, too? OK, now here’s what I could do.
I could call one of my togas, the ‘Hercules Deluxe-ees’- huh? - Just tell me which ones you wanna buy.
- I don’t wanna buy any of them.
- Oh, you want something for nothing, huh? - That’s not what I mean.
No, what you mean is, you don’t care about your image.
But you better start, my friend, ‘cause the public is fickle.
All right- tell you what I’m gonna do.
I’m gonna give you your own line of togas- cut you in for a piceof the action-huh, huh? And here’s the advertising slogan.
'Hercules, the giant killer- takes a giant step forward in fashion!’ - Pretty snappy, huh? - Hey.
Hey.
Ah, potential customers! - What’s the trouble? - It’s the Cyclops.
- He’s just killed one of our villagers.
- Huh? Yeah, yeah.
Look, catch your breath.
He’s not following you now.
- Ahh- thanks.
- It’s my fault we were out there.
- Don’t make the same mistake.
- The Cyclops isn’t gonna do anything to him.
He’s Hercules! Ah, Hercules or not, you could still die if you come to Trachas.
Tell me what happened.
We wanted to get the river running in the direction it used to run.
Ah, it’s the river we’ve always counted on for our fish, and water for our crops.
But the Cyclops changed its course so it would irrigate Hera’s vineyard.
Look how green the land around here is.
There must be other rivers.
Oh, no, they’re all too far away.
Hera wants the river for herself, and to destroy us.
She cares only about her grapes, and the wine that’ll be poured at the festival of the believers.
And the Cyclops makes sure her wishes are carried out.
Not if I have anything to say about it.
You- you’d help us? Are you serious? When it comes to Hera- I’m always serious.
Heard you worked up a bit of an appetite, today.
- Only fools challenge me.
- That’s right.
That’s why I have you on my side.
I’m too smart to go up against you.
- Yeah- to my face you are.
- Hey, I’m not like those jackasses in Trachas! - You better not be.
- Would you doubt me- huh? How could you do that? I pay you- to vent your anger on people who have- belittled you all your life! No one- has ever been as good to you as I have.
Listen, Hercules, I can handle the whole thing.
See- you’ll be the silent partner.
I’ll do the talking for both of us.
You just lend me your name, and, uh- I collect the money.
Of course, as the brains behind the deal, I’ll need the bigger share.
Let’s say, uh- 70-30? Does that sound good? Excuse me.
We’re conducting business, here.
Thank you very much.
I mean, I’d risk the exposure.
I’m parched.
I’ll be right back.
Thanks.
Well, you’re the first sign of hope any of us has seen in a long, long time.
You should still postpone the celebration until you see how I do with the Cyclops.
Well, there’s no one in this village who believes it’s possibe for you to fail.
Huh? Huh? Greetings, Hercules.
Ha-ha! What a splendid gathering, huh? Yes- wonderful.
I’d rather fight monsters.
Come on! Ya love it! Ya know you do.
So, is this your lovely-? Hey! We’re looking for Hercules.
Huh? Have you seen-? want him.
Uh.
I’ll explain later.
He should be here.
we can find him.
- Has anybody seen him? This may be our lucky night.
He must be around here.
You must have seen him.
Uh- I have.
He’s on the road- to Athens.
Oh! Are you sure? Athens is a long way from here.
Then you better hurry if you wanna catch up to him, my flower.
But before you go- I have just the thing for you girls while you’re travelling.
It’s called- the toga! Wear it, and you’ll be on the cutting edge of fashion.
Everyone in Athens has them, and nobody would be caught dead at the arena without one! I thought you were leaving.
- except the guys getting fed to the lions, of course- - Yeah- right.
- bu-but, when the going gets hot and heavy - Excuse me.
- believe me, young ladies, you’ll need one of these little items.
Lightweight, comfortable, and get this- you slip it off your shoulder- and it’s wonderful? - for evening wear.
- Hi.
Drop the hem over your knee, and you can go to work.
Huh? Whaddya say, fair maidens? Wouldn’t you like a toga or three in your wardrobe? Hmm? Yes? - What are you doing here? - I’m not bothering you.
- Yes, you are! - The river is yours- the vineyard, too.
Can’t you let us have anything? - Uh- no! - Why? Get outta here! Over here! Hercules! You sly dog! No.
Ha ha ha ha ha ha.
The daughters of King Thespius, huh? You, sir- truly are the strongest man in the world, if you can, uh- hmm! - Hold fifty hearts in sway at once.
- All they want is my body.
- Ha-ha! I know the feeling.
- Hey! Now the Cyclops is attacking our women! Go ahead, Scylla, you tell him.
Well, he didn’t attack me, exactly.
But he did chase me away.
And I wasn’t anywhere near Hera’s precious vineyard.
I just wanted these.
Further proof that that Cyclops is a lout.
Yeah.
Uh- did he have a weapon? Why don’t you go up to his lair, and find out for yourself? Or are you afraid? - Don’t- mind the interruption.
- Oh- no- he didn’t have a weapon.
Thank you.
Now, is- is there a problem? Yeah- your manhood- you wouldn’t even stand up to those women last night.
Oh- I see.
So, I guess that- makes me a coward then, right? - Right.
- Right.
Atreus, can you tell me where I-? Now, it’s your turn.
First man off his feet loses.
If it’s you- I’m gonna find those women and feed you to them.
Go on, Hercules- dent his head.
Look- I’m- I’m not gonna play your game.
Yes, you are.
Ah- I should have sold tickets.
Give me your hand.
Next one’s for you, Scylla.
I’d tell you not to hurt your head- if I thought there was anything in it.
I really- don’t have time for this nonsense.
Ah, Hercules- wrong way.
- Oh, right.
- Yeah.
I know that.
Shouldn’t you rest- before you go up against the Cyclops? Don’t worry- I’m, a- at my best when I can’t see what I’m doing.
You’re not going to defeat him with jokes.
I know.
You do have a plan, don’t you? I’ve never even seen this thing.
I- don’t know what I’m gonna do.
It’s just that so many of the villagers have been lost to the Cyclops.
And I don’t want you to be the next one.
This isn’t where I intend to die.
Well, none of the others did, either.
You know- if you’re gonna tell me anything- I wish it was, ‘Good luck.
’ - Well, in that case- good luck.
- Thank you.
Get a move on, slave, or you’ll feel my lash.
Take a good look.
This is the wine that Hera’s chosen people will drink- at the festival of the believers.
Do those slaves ever have trouble with their feet? - You know- diseases- open sores? - Ah, shut up! Hey, I was just talking.
If they got lousy feet, they might as well be spitting in the stuff.
You tell me why you’re here- or I’ll slap your face- to the back of your head! - Hercules is coming.
- You expect me to believe that.
Hey, it’s true.
I saw him with my own eyes- last night in Trachas.
Well- then he’s dead meat.
- Hey- what’s so funny? - Everything’s funny, you idiot! Hercules is here- just in time for Hera’s festival.
And when the Cyclops gets through with him- his head- will make an excellent decoration for the main table.
Whoa-whoa! It’s me! It’s me! Nice reflexes! Salmoneus, what are you doing here? I wanna see you do cruel and unusual things to that monster.
- I thought you had togas to sell.
- First things first.
- You really shouldn’t hold a grudge.
- Don’t be so preachy! Waaah! You’d feel just like I do, if you were in my sandals.
Maybe so, but I still want you and your sandals to turn around and go back to Trachas.
By myself? Uh-uh! The cyclops could get me- or a wild beast could turn me into lunch.
Or the tax collector might repossess my toga.
OK- so, can I come with ya? Yes- but, you’re on your own- if things get ugly with this creature.
You’re kidding, right? I mean- uh-huh- you’re Hercules! It’d be really bad for you image! Wait! Company’s coming.
- Who do you want me to hurt, now? - Hercules.
- He’s here? - And he’s looking for you.
- They say there’s nobody stronger.
- Who says that- huh? Whoever said that’s never gone sideways with you.
You’re unbeatable.
You’re a force for the good of Hera.
You’re- what’s that? I found it.
What are you doing with a girl’s scarf? You got a girlfriend- huh? No! Come on- you can tell me.
You’re getting a bit on the sly, aren’t ya? Huh? Shut up! - I don’t have a girlfriend! - Now, that’s how I like to see ya! Nice- and hostile! Yes, you can go back to moonin’ around all your life! After you’ve chopped Hercules into- tiny little pieces and scattered them to the four corners of the earth! What’re you gonna do to him?! Tell me what you’re gonna do to him! You gonna twist his- see, if I were you- The Cyclops would probably die laughing, and you’d be a hero.
Now, pipe down.
Oh, I see.
You don’t want him to know that we’re coming, huh? - The element of surprise.
- Sh! Ladies! - Come to buy those togas, eh? Oh, no! Swine! Run.
Come on, girls! He’s ours! Be careful! Don’t let him get away! Get him, girls! Help! I can’t do it! I can’t go on! Don’t worry! They won’t hurt you! - Ya promise? - Where’s he going? - Beats me.
- Bad choice of words for a liar.
- Wh-wh-when did I ever lie to you?! - You’ve got a very short memory.
OK, girls- the treatment.
Come on.
Hey, wa-wait; wait, wait, wait.
Wait a- whoa, whoa-whoa.
Hey! Hey, be careful! No! Hey! Whoa! No! Hey! Oh! Oh! Ahh! OK! You can look, but don’t touch! Hera, it is I- Castor- the faithful.
I come before you- bearing a gift- in the form of a promise.
Hercules your treacherous stepson is about to die just as you have desired for so long.
My Cyclops will see to it, personally.
He will bring me the head of Hercules- and I will- You’ll do anything Hera tells you to- Castor.
What are you doing here? Oh, I’m just making sure this Hercules isn’t too much for you to handle.
- Did Hera send you? - Stepmother’s intuition.
Everything will be all right.
Everything will be all right.
The Cyclops will- will rip out one of Hercules’ arms and, and- beat him to death with it.
Nice thought.
But if your walking eyeball doesn’t deliver- I’ve got another solution.
- No- not the executioners.
- No- you don’t get a vote.
Let me guess- you’re the Cyclops.
Take a good look- because I’m the last thing you’re ever gonna see.
That’s what they all say.
- Stand still! - Why don’t I help you move.
Hey! Ooh! I knew ya weren’t gonna go easy! Tired yet? Hey, where’d ya go? Just kill me and get it over with.
I think I’d rather find out why you’re always in such a rotten mood.
Go ahead.
Drinks should always be on the loser.
It’s from the water I guard.
Now, I understand why the villagers want their river back.
It’s not their river.
They got there before Hera did.
Diverting it was a crime.
I’d like it better if you’d say I- stole it from those gutless wonders in Trachas.
- Why do hate them so much? - Because they hated me first! It started when I was a boy: ‘Geek; Freak; Monster.
’ I heard it all.
Admit it- you were thinking the same thing when you came after me.
Yeah- I was.
You get tired of it after a while.
But- ‘tired’ isn’t a reason to work for Hera.
Loyalty doesn’t mean anything to her.
All she cares about is her wine.
I don’t work for Hera.
I work for Castor- the man in charge of the vineyard.
He’s the only one who ever treated me halfway decent.
And that ended when you didn’t kill me- and you know it.
If you want me to fight for the villagers, forget it! They don’t care about me- why should I care about them? Because, now Hera’s gonna hate you as much as she hates the villagers.
Well- then I guess we’re all outta luck.
Not if you give each other a chance.
Pssh! That’s what you think.
You’re the one who has to do the thinking.
Salmoneus? ‘Don’t worry,’ he says.
‘They won’t hurt you,’ he says.
- Well- well, did they? - Look at me! You think I’m dressed like a tree ‘cause I wanna be?! If I’m not careful, I’ll be attracting woodpeckers! But, you’re not hurt.
- Noooo.
- Good- because, you look ridiculous.
Hey! Hey! The next time those crazy women come along- I’m gonna serve you to them on a silver platter.
By the way, how’d you do with the Cyclops? - Not bad.
- Did you beat him? - That’s one way of putting it.
- Hah? Hah? You’re being modest! You’re being modest, right?! You slammed into him! You went, ‘Bang!’ Whoops! Whoops! Ha-ha.
Whoa! Come on, nature boy.
Let’s find you some clothes.
I wanna hear all the gory details! I don’t wanna hear any more! There’s no more to tell.
Hercules defeated the freak- end of story.
- Cyclops quit on me.
- Huh? He just- rolled over and played dead- and after all I’ve done for him.
- That overgrown eyeball! - I don’t know nothin’ about that! You don’t care either, do ya- rodent? You just want the dinars that I owe ya- and then the wolves can start eating me alive! Wolves? Well, think about it on your way out, you imbecile! This is gonna be a big enough mess without having you around.
Then Hercules hits him with three lefts in a row- Pow, pow, pow! Faster than a chicken pecking at a kernel of corn.
And before the Cyclops knows what’s happening to him- Hercules unleashes his mighty right hand- kablooey! Hits the Cyclops so far in the air- that Hercules goes underneath and catches him.
And then- Your friend, the toga salesman’s a lucky man- seeing all that.
Yeah- he’s talking about things even I don’t remember.
Ha-ha- whatever.
Now we can get our lives back to normal, now the Cyclops is dead.
Ah- he isn’t dead.
- But- you were supposed to kill him! - No- I was supposed to stop him from ruining your lives.
I never intended to kill him.
Well, you should have.
Look- there’s no fight left in him.
There might not have been any to start with, if people hadn’t always treated him like an outcast.
- Is that what that freak told you? - Listen to yourself, Atreus.
- You’re answering your own question.
- You keep out of this.
I will not.
I know what you and your friends put the Cyclops through when he was a boy.
We were protecting you and every other female in the village, you ungrateful wench! Why don’t you worry about your river, instead of calling the lady names? Ah- what good would it do? Once you’re gone- the Cyclops will be back terrorzing us.
If you weren’t such an ass, maybe Hercules would stay and help.
Well, maybe I’ll stay and help, anyway.
- You mean it? - Yes.
I like the idea of Hera’s grapes dying on the vine.
Everybody! We start puttin’ the river back on course, tomorrow! I’ll sell you those- Woke up alone again, didn’t’cha? I’m surprised the fair Scylla hasn’t taken care of that problem.
- That’s not what I’m here for, Salmoneus.
- All work and no play- - means I don’t leave with a guilty conscience.
Ah, well- ya probably wouldn’t have had time for her, anyway.
Ha ha ha.
I’ve got a sporting proposition for you, Hercules.
- You set this up, didn’t you? - They only released me when I promised.
Now, just listen, will ya? No, no- it’s my turn, all right? Now ladies- no matter what you think, I’m not opposed- to pretty women.
And - I’m not opposed to having children, but- if I’m going to become a father again- the mother will be someone that I love.
And I- I don’t love any of you.
I mean, I like to look at you, and I-I- I- might even- like to talk to you, if I didn’t feel like I was always the fox, and you were the hounds, but- that’s as far as my interest goes.
I hope ya understand.
I hope King Thespius understands.
Now- if you’ll excuse me, I’ve- I’ve got some people to help.
Oh- that is so beautiful.
He’s not like other men.
He’s so sensitive.
So, that’s why Dad wanted us to have his children.
You’re bigger than Hercules! You’re tougher! You’re meaner! And still you lost! How could you do that to me? To you? I’m the one he beat.
- Yeah? Well, how come you’re not dead? - Would that make it better? You’re on his side now, aren’t you? I haven’t decided.
Ooh- you think you’re so smart.
‘I haven’t decided.
’ Hera has let her executioners loose! They’re going to kill everybody that gets in their path! Why don’t you- think about that for a minute, you idiot! Don’t call me an idiot! Is that all you can say? Why don’t you just use that big eyeball of yours for a minute and- and take a look around! You’re doomed! I didn’t think you’d be here so soon.
You sure you want me to come along? You make a good point.
I want Hercules- and I want him dead! Go! Come on, everybody.
Let’s get this cleared! You just gonna stand there? I refuse to compromise my integrity with physical toil.
Well, then I’m not interested in buying any of your togas.
You want-? All right.
You need some help? Yeah.
Thanks.
Embarrassed? Let’s give Hercules a hand! Come on, if we all do this, it’ll work! Right! Get your hands down! And get your backs into it! All right.
Push! Almost got it?! Just a little more.
Come on, all together! Oh, look who’s here.
Better late than never.
Heave! Hey! Hey! We did it! We helped! We’ve done it! I helped! The first labor I’ve ever done! Hmmmm.
Well, you’ve set a good example.
But there’s months of work here.
I hope these people realize that.
If they were afraid of challenges, they would’ve run off by now.
How about you, Hercules? You going back on the road? - Sooner or later- I always do.
- Oh, that’s a shame.
We could use someone like you- Go back where ya came from! - I’m not here to hurt you! - Freak! Don't! Give him a chance! He never gave us one! Well, stop it! Stop and listen to Hercules! Hercules is not one of us! - No! Come back! And don’t come back! You fools.
Wait! Don’t! You’re crazy! Don’t go! Don’t go, Scylla! She’ll be fine.
Don’t worry.
The Cyclops won’t hurt her.
If that monster kills Scylla, her blood’ll be on your hands! Yeah, you’re the one who let the Cyclops live.
- He wasn’t here to hurt anybody.
- How can you say that? You fought him, for cryin’ out loud! Because I know who put the evil in him.
You.
And you.
All of you.
Wait a second.
- How can he accuse us? You’ve got your nerve- standing there judging us, while the Cyclops is- probably off, having his way with Scylla.
She’s better off with him than she would be with you.
Oh, my hand! Don’t hurt him, Hercules.
- No, no, don’t hurt him.
Why don’t you sell them some togas, Salmoneus.
I’m going after our friends.
Your fault! - She better be alive! This is yours! Hey- you’re the executioners, right? Yeah.
Yeah.
Castor said you were coming.
Let me show you where Hercules is.
We don’t need you! Are you all right? - I’m tired.
- I don’t doubt it- after always being called names by people- always having people afraid of you.
- I’m sorry.
- I know you are.
I- I could tell you were different the day I-I saw you gathering flowers.
- But you were still scared, weren’t you? - Yes.
Well, let me tell you something.
It’s not me you have to be afraid of, anymore.
It’s Hera’s executioners.
They’re out to destroy Hercules- and the village.
You have to tell Hercules.
Tell me what? Hera’s executioners are coming.
Well, then I better go say, ‘Hello.
’ You can’t fight them by yourself.
I don’t care what the myths say about you.
You may find this hard to believe- but- some of those myths are true.
- Does that mean you wouldn’t want my help? - No.
It means I don’t ask for help.
But, I’m not an unreasonable man.
Good! Because I’d like to pay Hera back for the way she used me.
And- I’d also like to show you both I- I appreciate your treating me like like something- besides a monster.
Then it sounds like we’re in this together.
Don’t forget about me.
I’m coming with ya.
- But you might get hurt.
- I know.
- But I could get hurt staying here, too.
- The lady’s right.
Very well.
But promise you’ll be careful.
I promise.
The executioners must’ve taken the long way here.
It could’ve been a lie, too.
Castor was good at lying.
Let’s warn the villagers, anyway- whether they deserve it or not.
Are you sure they won’t just throw more rocks? I’m sure.
They don’t wanna hurt you.
I never thought you two would need my protection.
But if that’s the way it is- Very impressive.
We should help them.
No, I won’t die helpin’ a freak or anyone who sides with one even if it is Hercules.
Damn right.
It would be better to die with him- than to stay here with eunuchs like you.
Behind you, Hercules Thanks! - You come with me.
- No! Hercules! Help! Help! Hercules! Hercules! To the village! He’s gonna try to hurt us.
Hey, look! Oh, yeah! Ooh- what a way to go.
Hercules is beating them all.
Ha ha ha ha ha! Hercules! I’m ready to fight! He’s getting away! - How can I help? - I’ll give you a boost.
- I’ll go to Scylla! - Right! Ow.
Hercules- Hercules, we owe you a debt of gratitude, that can never be repaid.
Yes, it can.
If you really want to repay me- just be nice to him.
Oh, but we’ve tried.
We’ve tried.
Yes- calling someone a monster always proves you’re his friend.
Why are we arguin’ about this, now? This should be a day of celebration.
You know? This man helped Hercules do something for you and me, today- that you would never have done for him.
But how can we be sure he won’t cause more trouble after Hercules leaves.
If you let me live in peace I promise- I’ll help you do the same- as long as you treat me- with respect.
You’re not going to get a better offer than that, Atreus.
I’d take him up on it if I was you.
All right.
We’ll give it a try- huh? Hurray! Hercules! I can’t believe I didn’t make a single dinar on this entire trip! I mean, I thought somebody back there would buy a toga! Oh, well, I’m sure we’ll do better the next place we stop.
- We? - Can’t break up the team, now.
- I’m naming a toga after you, remember? - But I told you, I don’t wear togas.
- Aah- picky, picky.
There he is! - I thought we settled this.
- No, not you, Hercules- your little friend.
You’re kidding! - We have decided, he will do just fine.
- Me? - Yes! Come on! What about that team we had? A man’s gotta do- what a man’s gotta do! Right this way.
Hello! Hello! - Let me take five at a time- - Yeah- right.
- out mathematically- very nice- thank you.
- Good luck.
- OK, can I look and touch? Oh, very nice- OK.
Captioned by Grantman Brown