Home Movie: The Princess Bride (2020) s01e02 Episode Script
Chapter Two: The Shrieking Eels
1
I think he's getting closer.
I think he's getting closer.
I think he's getting closer!
I think he's getting closer.
I think he's getting closer.
I think he's getting closer.
I think he's getting closer.
[WHIMSICAL MUSIC PLAYING]
♪
[LIGHT INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC PLAYING]
GRANDFATHER: Despite
Humperdinck's reassurance
that she would grow to love him,
the only joy she found
was in her daily ride.
- VIZZINI: A word, m'lady.
- [HORSE NEIGHS]
We are but poor lost circus performers.
Is there a village nearby?
There's nothing nearby.
Not for miles.
Then there will be no
one to hear you scream.
[SCREAMS]
[OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYING]
INIGO: What is that you're ripping?
It is fabric from the uniform
of an army officer of Guilder.
Who is Guilder?
The country across the sea!
The sworn enemy of Florin.
Go!
Once the horse reaches the castle,
the fabric will make the prince suspect
that the Guilderians
have abducted his love.
When he finds her body dead
on the Guilder frontier,
his suspicions will be confirmed.
You never said anything
about killing anyone?
I have hired you to help me start a war.
It is a prestigious line of work
with a long and glorious history!
I just don't think it's right,
killing an innocent girl.
Am I going mad?
Or did the word "think"
just cross your lips?
I did not hire you for your brains,
you hippopotamic land mass!
I agree with Fezzik.
Ah, the sot has spoken!
I will kill her myself!
And do not forget
this, never forget this!
When I found you,
you were a slobbering drunk
who couldn't even buy brandy!
And you!
Friendless, brainless,
helpless, hopeless!
You want me to send you
back to where you were, huh?
Unemployed
in Greenland!
[SOFT MUSIC PLAYING]
That Vizzini, he can fuss.
Fuss, fuss.
I think he likes to scream at us!
Probably he means no harm.
He's really very short on charm!
You have a great gift for rhyme.
Yes, yes, some of the time.
- VIZZINI: Enough of that!
- [WAVES CRASHING]
INIGO: Fezzik, are there rocks ahead?
FEZZIK: If there are, we'll all be dead!
VIZZINI: No more rhymes, now, I mean it!
FEZZIK: Anybody want a peanut?
[VIZZINI GROANS]
♪
Why are you doing that?
Making sure nobody is following us.
That would be inconceivable.
Despite what you think,
you will be caught.
And when you are, the prince
will see you all hanged.
Of all the necks on this boat, Highness?
The one you should be
worrying about is your own.
Stop doing that. We can all relax.
It's almost over.
You're sure nobody's following us?
As I told you, it would
be absolutely, totally,
and in all other ways inconceivable.
No one in Guilder knows what we've done
and no one in Florin could
have gotten here so fast.
Out of curiosity, why do you ask?
It's only, I just
happened to look behind us
and something is there.
- What?
- [SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC PLAYING]
Probably a local fisherman
out for a pleasure cruise at night
through eel-infested waters.
♪
[SPLASH]
[PANTING]
Go in! Get after her!
I don't swim.
I only dog paddle.
To your left! Left, left!
[HIGH-PITCHED SHRIEKING]
Do you know what that
sound is, Highness?
Those are the shrieking eels.
If you doubt me,
they always grow louder
when they're about to feast
on human flesh.
♪
[GASPS]
If you swim back now, I promise,
no harm will come to you.
I doubt you'll get such
an offer from the eels.
- [EEL SHRIEKS]
- [GASPS]
♪
She doesn't get eaten
by the eels at this time.
What?
The eel doesn't get her. I'm
explaining it to you because
you look nervous.
I wasn't nervous.
Maybe I was a little bit concerned.
But that's not the same thing.
Because I can stop now if you want.
No. You can read a little bit more.
"Do you know what that
sound is, Highness?
Those are the shrieking eels."
- We're past that, Grandpa.
You read it already.
Oh, my goodness, I did, I'm sorry.
Beg your pardon.
All right, all right, let's see, uh,
she was in the water,
the eel was coming after her,
she was frightened.
The eel started to
charge her, and then
I think he's getting closer.
He's no concern of ours. Sail on.
I suppose you think
you're brave, don't you?
Only compared to some.
INIGO: Look, he's right on top of us.
I wonder if he is using
the same wind we are using.
VIZZINI: Whoever he
is, he's too late, look!
The cliffs of insanity!
I think he's getting closer.
I think he's getting closer.
I think he's getting closer!
I think he's getting closer.
I think he's getting closer.
I think he's getting closer.
I think he's getting closer.
[WHIMSICAL MUSIC PLAYING]
♪
[LIGHT INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC PLAYING]
GRANDFATHER: Despite
Humperdinck's reassurance
that she would grow to love him,
the only joy she found
was in her daily ride.
- VIZZINI: A word, m'lady.
- [HORSE NEIGHS]
We are but poor lost circus performers.
Is there a village nearby?
There's nothing nearby.
Not for miles.
Then there will be no
one to hear you scream.
[SCREAMS]
[OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYING]
INIGO: What is that you're ripping?
It is fabric from the uniform
of an army officer of Guilder.
Who is Guilder?
The country across the sea!
The sworn enemy of Florin.
Go!
Once the horse reaches the castle,
the fabric will make the prince suspect
that the Guilderians
have abducted his love.
When he finds her body dead
on the Guilder frontier,
his suspicions will be confirmed.
You never said anything
about killing anyone?
I have hired you to help me start a war.
It is a prestigious line of work
with a long and glorious history!
I just don't think it's right,
killing an innocent girl.
Am I going mad?
Or did the word "think"
just cross your lips?
I did not hire you for your brains,
you hippopotamic land mass!
I agree with Fezzik.
Ah, the sot has spoken!
I will kill her myself!
And do not forget
this, never forget this!
When I found you,
you were a slobbering drunk
who couldn't even buy brandy!
And you!
Friendless, brainless,
helpless, hopeless!
You want me to send you
back to where you were, huh?
Unemployed
in Greenland!
[SOFT MUSIC PLAYING]
That Vizzini, he can fuss.
Fuss, fuss.
I think he likes to scream at us!
Probably he means no harm.
He's really very short on charm!
You have a great gift for rhyme.
Yes, yes, some of the time.
- VIZZINI: Enough of that!
- [WAVES CRASHING]
INIGO: Fezzik, are there rocks ahead?
FEZZIK: If there are, we'll all be dead!
VIZZINI: No more rhymes, now, I mean it!
FEZZIK: Anybody want a peanut?
[VIZZINI GROANS]
♪
Why are you doing that?
Making sure nobody is following us.
That would be inconceivable.
Despite what you think,
you will be caught.
And when you are, the prince
will see you all hanged.
Of all the necks on this boat, Highness?
The one you should be
worrying about is your own.
Stop doing that. We can all relax.
It's almost over.
You're sure nobody's following us?
As I told you, it would
be absolutely, totally,
and in all other ways inconceivable.
No one in Guilder knows what we've done
and no one in Florin could
have gotten here so fast.
Out of curiosity, why do you ask?
It's only, I just
happened to look behind us
and something is there.
- What?
- [SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC PLAYING]
Probably a local fisherman
out for a pleasure cruise at night
through eel-infested waters.
♪
[SPLASH]
[PANTING]
Go in! Get after her!
I don't swim.
I only dog paddle.
To your left! Left, left!
[HIGH-PITCHED SHRIEKING]
Do you know what that
sound is, Highness?
Those are the shrieking eels.
If you doubt me,
they always grow louder
when they're about to feast
on human flesh.
♪
[GASPS]
If you swim back now, I promise,
no harm will come to you.
I doubt you'll get such
an offer from the eels.
- [EEL SHRIEKS]
- [GASPS]
♪
She doesn't get eaten
by the eels at this time.
What?
The eel doesn't get her. I'm
explaining it to you because
you look nervous.
I wasn't nervous.
Maybe I was a little bit concerned.
But that's not the same thing.
Because I can stop now if you want.
No. You can read a little bit more.
"Do you know what that
sound is, Highness?
Those are the shrieking eels."
- We're past that, Grandpa.
You read it already.
Oh, my goodness, I did, I'm sorry.
Beg your pardon.
All right, all right, let's see, uh,
she was in the water,
the eel was coming after her,
she was frightened.
The eel started to
charge her, and then
I think he's getting closer.
He's no concern of ours. Sail on.
I suppose you think
you're brave, don't you?
Only compared to some.
INIGO: Look, he's right on top of us.
I wonder if he is using
the same wind we are using.
VIZZINI: Whoever he
is, he's too late, look!
The cliffs of insanity!