How to Die Alone (2024) s01e02 Episode Script
Lie and Deny
1
[speaker] I think the last time
I, like, denied my, like,
emotional response of, like, pain
was probably, like, my last relationship?
It got to a point where I realized, like,
I actually was not okay.
So it's like, "Oh no,"
like, "It'll get better."
But I was in denial of that.
Like, "It's not."
[laughs] "You need to leave."
[percussive drum music playing]
[Bubba barking]
[Melissa Jackson] What?
- [barking]
- [sighs] What is it?
I'm in pain.
I already walked you. Go to bed.
[sighs, panting]
[pills rattling]
- [opens, closes pill bottle]
- [sighs]
- Bang ♪
- [beep]
[Bubba whines]
["Start A Riot" by
Duckwrth and Shaboozey playing]
Bang ♪
Minimal minimal minimal minimal ♪
Bang ♪
Minimal minimal minimal minimal ♪
- [music picks up tempo]
- [indistinct singing]
Who in here tryna start a riot? ♪
[glitching]
Yeah! ♪
Who in here tryna start a riot? ♪
Yeah, yeah, yeah, let's go ♪
[Allie] Well, look who it is!
I didn't know you lived
in the same neighborhood!
I didn't know you lived here either!
[music intensifies]
All ugly like a brown fur cardigan ♪
We can skip the monologue
and the arguin' ♪
I'm like who in here
tryna start a riot? ♪
[laughter]
- Play date?
- I wish. I have to go to work.
Oh. Let me watch him for you.
- They can be new friends. Like us.
- [laughs]
- Okay. Here you go.
- Yeah!
I don't need no super suit,
I'm feelin' brave ♪
- See you later, guys.
- I'll text ya.
Way way way, who in here tryna
start a riot? ♪
[song continues]
Yeah ♪
Who in here tryna start ♪
Let's rock and roll, so high up ♪
I can see the flow, down he go ♪
It's a plane, it's a UFO ♪
Friend or foe, let me know ♪
If you bump that action,
it don't matter ♪
Just let me know, know, know ♪
Make way ♪
I'm comin' through with
my crew to make 'em pay ♪
I don't need no super suit,
I'm feelin' brave ♪
Don't be a hero,
turn around and walk away ♪
Who in here tryna start ♪
[music slows dramatically]
- [bumping]
- [distorted singing]
[beeping, glitching]
[distorted singing continues]
[indistinct yelling]
[song stops]
- [phones ringing]
- [indistinct chatter]
Hey, Mel. You alright?
You said you were hurt, but not hurt-hurt.
Yeah, no. I didn't wanna make it weird.
Um
Do you think I could
work in the office today?
I-I don't even think
I'm supposed to be driving.
- Sure. Yeah.
- Okay.
Alright, what-what Can you tell me what
happened yet?
It's truly not worth your time.
Alright, well if you're not gonna tell me,
I just have to fill in the blanks myself.
You got into another fight
at the Prospect Park Five Guys, huh?
[Patti] You fought five guys?
Patti, I'm moving you to carts today.
But I thought when I came to dispatch,
I wouldn't have to do carts.
Do me a solid, just for today, alright?
Mel needs this.
[Patti] She's faking!
- [Melissa sighs]
- [Alex Williams] Come on.
I signed that letter
of recommendation for you
for the management program.
Don't even think about it.
'Kay? High Flyers only picks one person
from each department,
and this year, it's gonna be me.
Well, let's hope you fly so high,
you end up at another airport.
[Patti giggles] You wish.
Hey! You've never looked better,
by the way.
[Melissa] Are you still here?
- [percussive music playing]
- [groans]
Well. Looks like it's just
me and you today, huh?
[sighs] Yeah, I guess so.
[chair creaks]
[groans]
[phone buzzing]
[Melissa] Hm. Well,
look who's feeling guilty.
[sighs]
[voicemail] Hey, you've reached Mel.
Leave a message at the beep.
- She's still ignoring me.
- [ends call]
Did you know that
the higher you get, the drier you get?
I have a line of travel products,
for us, by me.
You will be supporting Black, woman,
and me-owned businesses.
Oh! And right now, I have a special on
lotion-watches. Ah!
They don't keep the time,
but they help you shine
Ugh, stay ashy then!
If Mel is ignoring you,
it's probably for a reason.
Uh, I bailed on her birthday for dick.
It was Bi-Coastal Bae.
With that ass that can crack walnuts?
You shouldn't have done it,
but I get it.
Right? This man represents every man
that has ever rejected me.
I had to do it. Plus, he was only in
town for the night.
I'm apologizing as soon as I can find her.
I just didn't wanna do it empty-handed.
So, how many times?
- [stuffed bear] I love you!
- Twice.
- Mm!
- And then I was starving,
so we split the parm at Carbone.
And then?
We did it again in the bathroom.
- [Kaya] Oh, Rory Cohen!
- Can you just [sighs]
Has he texted?
Gimme! Uh-uh! [squeals]
I don't even know him. It was nothing.
Good morning and a sunrise?
How does this perfect man make money?
He's an orthopedic surgeon for athletes.
The LA Football Club
has him on speed dial.
A soccer doctor. Please leave.
- Uh-uh. [laughs]
- I get it. Thank you.
Wait! Wait, wait.
The second-generation lotion-watches
dropping Black History Month.
- [grunts]
- Thank you.
Tell Mel I hope she's feeling better.
- Why? What happened?
- [drum sting]
And I respect all religions.
- I really do. But
- [text notification chimes]
do the holidays have to all
fall at the same time?
Like, we all know at least two days
in Kwanzaa that are not real.
Right? Jumanji? Emoji?
[text notification chimes]
[drops folder]
Tuning me out already. I missed this.
- What the fuck is High Flyers anyway?
- [Alex] I told you about it.
You said it sounded like
homework for grownups.
- Is it not?
- [Alex] Well, yeah,
but it's homework that qualifies you for
a pay bump when you finish.
Look, th-the poster's right there.
[scoffs] If it's between that
and the secret picture poster,
- I'm choosing whimsy, baby.
- [both laugh]
Every time, Alex, I'm choosing whimsy.
Maybe I should be making better choices.
Speaking of choices,
I
bought a plane ticket to your wedding.
Are you f You for real?
I didn't think you'd actually come.
- Was I invited by accident?
- [Alex] N-No!
No, of course not. It's just
[laughs] Mel, you don't fly.
- No.
- [Alex] I mean, that's amazing. I'm just,
you know, surprised, and
I-I guess I'm honored
that you would take
your first flight for me.
Oh, it's not for you. [giggles]
It's a great excuse to spend
New Year's on the beach,
a-and, uh, spend money I don't have.
Well, you and Rory are
gonna have a great time.
Do I not get a plus one?
I mean, I'm not going with Rory.
I'm bringing a date.
Of course you are.
- Yeah! Single, so
- [laughs] Yeah.
[laughs] You have a date.
- That's right.
- And I have a date.
- You do?
- What are we, a calendar?
- [laughs]
- Yeah! [laughs]
- [upbeat music playing]
- [airport chatter]
Finally gonna see the Grand Canyon
after all these years.
- Hey! Any tips?
- [tires screech]
- Don't fall in.
- Hm.
Hey, Patti, have you seen Mel?
Uh, yes I have, actually.
She should not be coming into work
if she can't lift 30 pounds.
Oh, my God, is she seriously hurt?
Well, Alex told me
that she got in a rumble
with five guys in Prospect Park.
- Shit.
- I mean, shouldn't you know that?
Aren't you two like Shrek and Donkey?
I'm sorry, am I Donkey to you in th
You know what? Never mind.
Don't answer that.
Yes, you're the donkey,
and stop covering for her!
Get out.
[upbeat music playing]
[Melissa] They should have called it in.
Can you check again?
I-It's M as in mango.
- E as in
- [massage chair whirring]
Yes. And Jackson as in
the Five?
[laughs] So
No, I don't know the name
of the doctor that saw me.
No, I don't have a primary care physician.
Because I'm poor?
No, I am not a drug addict, Howard!
[call ends, beeping]
[sighs]
[Rory Cohen] Hi, Mel, are you okay?
- Patti said you got into a fight.
- [Melissa] I did.
With an Ümlaüt wardrobe Friday night.
- [beep, chair stops]
- No, come on.
I got it.
- [chair beeps]
- Oh. Thank you.
- [chair restarts]
- Ah
- I should've been there.
- Yeah, you should have,
but you had your fundraiser, right?
- So, I-I get it.
- [Rory] Okay, don't be mad,
but there
there was no fundraiser.
[Melissa, sarcastic] Wow. Really?
- The shock.
- Bi-Coastal Bae hit on me in the lounge,
and he smelled like a leather candle.
I had to say yes.
You know how hard it is
for me in these streets.
Why didn't you just tell me the truth?
Because I'm weak, okay? I suck!
God. Can you please pretend
that this never happened
and accept these
apology-slash-birthday gifts?
[gentle music playing]
[bag rustling]
[gasps] Moisture Luther King!
Kaya put out a new lotion watch?
No more of the Talcum X. Okay.
[giggles, gasps]
Babe, did they not
give you the good drugs?
Oh! Just enough to get through
the weekend.
But, apparently, the pharmacist says
- that they didn't give me any refills.
- Fuck big pharma.
- [grunts]
- I'm not gonna let them do you like that.
You know this place
is full of drugs, right?
This is a new cart.
It only has 50 yards on it.
How different could it be from Mario Kart?
I see you, Melissa.
Patti for Alex.
[on radio] I just saw Mel
hot-dogging in the cart.
I told you she was faking.
Shit. Oh, where you taking me?
To the bowels, baby. To the bowels.
- [indistinct rapping]
- [equipment whirring]
This place is supposed to be
the holy grail
of illegal paraphernalia.
We're talking smack, poppers,
stoppers, uppers, downers, inners, outers,
all taken from idiot flyers.
It's legend.
It's the pharmacy of your dreams.
You'll be feeling good in no time.
[refrigeration whirring]
What? It's all food.
I don't understand. Everything I've heard
about this place,
we should be nipple-deep in substances.
I'm sorry.
Who smuggles a whole ham?
- Brazen.
- Oh!
[laughs]
- Shit. [grunts]
- Oh, girl. [laughs]
- Just be careful.
- [mutters]
[Rory] Aw
Did I ever tell you
I got these in film school?
- [Melissa] No!
- They were itchy!
Oh! Please put that away.
I was eating one of its cousins
when that wardrobe fell on me.
Please me you weren't by yourself.
No. Uh,
Tamika and Lamar,
they came over for drinks. [laughs]
- Getting to know the neighbors.
- [phone chimes]
I'm sorry, excuse me?
Is that Bi-Coastal Bae?
Yeah, it's Ben. Uh, but wait.
If your neighbors were there
I'm so sorry, did you say Ben? Ben?
- Uh, are we on a first-name basis?
- Okay
- [speaker] Hey!
- Oh, my God!
- [groaning]
- Sorry.
- [grunts]
- You're Mel, right?
I heard you got messed up
'cause you owed five grand
to a card shark.
Who's starting these rumors?
Listen [sighs]
You know what? Yeah, that was me.
Nice. Wh-What are you guys
doing down here?
- We
- We're looking for illegal drugs.
- That part.
- Oh, sorry. I can't help you.
Drugs are taken off-site
to be incinerated.
I protect American agriculture.
Farmland Security.
- You need Homeland Security.
- [drums on table]
- TSA.
- Shit.
- Oh no, no.
- What?
Jason is in TSA.
It's a little awkward for me
to see him right now
with another guy's handprints on my ass.
- Rory! You owe me.
- [sighs] Okay.
Nancy, don't let me down. Mama needs meds.
Uh, quick question.
- Yeah?
- Um
- Could you tell me about this ham?
- [Carlos] Ooh.
- Absolutely. Nice one.
- [Melissa] Mm-hmm.
- Acorn-fed.
- [Melissa] Acorn-fed.
Worth probably about four-thou.
- $4,000.
- Mm-hmm. An investment ham.
[upbeat music playing]
Um Can
Can I have it?
I'm not [laughs] I'm not supposed to.
But
- [sighs] Sure, go ahead.
- Mm. [laughs]
- Thank you. [chuckles]
- You're welcome.
Hey, Rory. When I say investment,
you say ham.
- Investment! Investment!
- [Rory] Ham. Ham.
- Investment! [laughs]
- [Rory sings] Ham! ♪
[Melissa] You have handprints on your ass,
you keep looking at your phone.
Do you have feelings for Ben?
[Rory] No, and even if I did,
guys like that don't catch feelings
for guys like me.
- [Patti on radio] Patti for Melissa.
- Finally.
- Go for Melissa.
- [Patti] This is a dereliction of duty.
- You are in breach of employee code.
- I got my period.
- It's a wide one.
- [Patti] That isn't a real thing.
[metal squeaking]
[TSA agent] Directly on the belt.
Not in the bin.
- [beep]
- I said not in the bin!
I don't care what they do at LaGuardia.
Does this smell like LaGuardia?
Do not take your tiny liquids baggie out,
lady!
We only do that sometimes, okay?
Get that tiny pillow
in that tiny bag right now
Ivan! Cover for me.
- [Melissa] You slept with him?
- [Rory] He was in my COVID bubble.
Mel, TSA Jason. TSA Jason, Mel.
So, uh, I know I never
ask you for anything,
but I was wondering if
Sure you do. Every Tuesday,
and I'm always happy to give it to you.
Aren't you supposed to be
stopping terrorist attacks or
Yeah, that's not real.
My job is to humiliate people
and to tell them to get new socks.
- [Melissa] Mm.
- So, how can I help you, Rory?
Um, I know this is random, but, um,
you don't happen
to have any painkillers, do you?
[Jason] Sorry, I can't help.
But, you know, they're first taken
to a stash spot.
Not sure where it is,
but perhaps you could talk to somebody
with eyes on the outside.
You know what, I have an idea.
- Come on, let's go.
- [intriguing music playing]
So See you tomorrow, Rory?
Um, uh, actually, tomorrow is no good.
There's a new James Patterson coming out,
so Hudson will be slammed.
I was kinda hoping you
and I could get slammed.
[awkward laugh]
[Melissa] Rory!
Yep, yep, yep!
[Rory] Do you think you can
gun it a little bit?
No, I can't. Slow and steady.
If I brake, I'll shit out my spleen.
[Rory] Patti, 8 o'clock. Patti, 8 o'clock.
- Oh, shit. [strained grunt]
- [action music playing]
- My investment ham!
- Leave it!
Sir, you are a witness to a crime.
Any complaints,
and you're obstructing justice.
Excusez-moi!
My thing is, like, the doctor
said I'ma get a little taller,
I just gotta wait. But, I'm 30 now.
You know what I'm saying?
Like, so like, do I have to
Yo, what's up, Mel?
Heard you got high and hit a parked car.
For the love of God!
I just got into it
with some Ümlaüt furniture.
I could help you sue some Swedish bitches.
He will. This fool almost brought
Arby's to its knees.
Mm-hmm. You don't stop
serving the cordon bleu,
and expect me not to get paid.
Bait and switch, motherfucker!
It said "for a limited time."
Just write down what happened.
I'll send it to my guy.
I might take you up on that,
but we're actually just here
to get intel on the stash spot?
They wanna know about the stash spot.
Yeah, we don't have a lot of time so
- They don't got a lot of time.
- They don't have a lot of time. [laughs]
Hey yo, DeShawn and myself,
we out here on the ground.
We see a little bit, hear a little bit.
Mm-hmm. We also don't see shit.
If you wanna talk to the man
who really runs JFK,
he got his eyes in the sky,
who knows everything?
You need to talk to
- the Birdman! Caw-caw!
- The Birdman!
- You feed him hamsters.
- Yeah, it's serious.
Most airports have bird men.
Okay, bird persons.
Ours is the only real,
like, Birdman, for real.
- Ours is special.
- Bird persons.
It's not mysterious. It's just a job.
It's not just a job, T!
They prevent bird strikes.
Alright? Sully Sullenberger shit!
[laughs] Ow! Fuck.
You good?
[sighs] I'm getting there.
Alright. Don't go dyin' on me, Jackson.
"Don't go dyin' on me, Jackson." [laughs]
What up, man? We gonna see
the Birdman or what?
Grab a coat over there.
We gotta be incognito.
[hawk screeches]
Hear what I say ♪
["Legend Has It"
by Run The Jewels playing]
[hawk screeches]
We the new PB & J ♪
We dropped a classic today ♪
We did a tablet of acid today ♪
[cans clattering]
Hey, man. Uh
[shushes]
- [bird screeches]
- [surprised yelps]
This is Loki.
So, we're actually here
because our friend
Each morn, gulls risk getting
sucked into the jet engines.
Pulverized. Threatening lives of
both men and bird.
Each morn, it's Loki's job here
- to scare the gulls off.
- [Rory] Fantastic.
Look, I hate to break up
this falconry lesson,
but my girl Mel is in a lot of pain,
- so if we could just move this along
- Respectfully.
Well, if you're looking for drugs at JFK,
you just have to watch
as they unload the planes.
Drugs are usually the first
or the last thing taken off.
See, I knew that shit.
I knew they had a system.
- That's not what you said.
- Shaun.
You said we don't get raises because
JFK cares more about birds
than it does its employees. That's what
I-I Wh-Why Really? Right here?
I personally love what you do.
Makes my job a lot easier.
[Birdman] Oh, thank you.
Lift, thrust, weight, and drag.
- [bird screeches]
- [all gasp]
To fly, you need all four.
Everybody knows about lift and thrust.
They propel you upwards, forward.
But weight and drag,
they're equally as important.
- Do you know why?
- [Shaun] Oh, I know this one.
Math.
The opposing forces balance each other.
Lift is equal to gravity
while thrust is equal to drag.
- Okay, Captain Einstein!
- Actually, he's correct.
He is correct.
You know, sometimes the things
that hold you back and slow you down
are actually the things
you need to take off.
[thoughtful music playing]
Okay, well, great.
Great, so should we kick rocks?
- [DeShawn] Yeah.
- Thanks, man.
- [planes roaring]
- Thank you. I owe you one, Mr. Birdman.
Oh, please. Mr. Birdman was my father.
You can call me Caaaawwwwwrl!
I won't. [laughs]
My name is is Carl.
[geese squawking]
[plane roaring]
[Rory] You're awfully quiet.
[Melissa sighs]
That bird nerd really fucked me up.
What time does the flight land?
Hawaiian Airlines
lands between 2:00 and 3:00,
Monday, Wednesday, and Thursday.
And so, we have 12 minutes.
[Rory] You need to get out more.
Well, I bought a ticket to Hawaii.
Uh, I'm sorry, what?
- I mean, we can still go together.
- [Rory] Yeah! No,
yeah, th-that's great.
But, um, oh, this is big!
How? When did
A woman died next to me in the hospital.
She had nobody.
I mean, nobody. Like, nobody to throw
her a funeral,
and even if there was one,
no one would come.
- And
- [melancholy music playing]
I'm just tired of waiting
for my life to start.
I wanna go to the next level.
There's been so much drag. I just
It's time to thrust.
- Oh, you're trying to thrust alright.
- Come on. [laughs]
Alex, Hawaii, I see you.
- No!
- Mm-hmm.
No, seriously, it's not about him.
It's about me!
I wanna take my first flight
and dip my toes in the Pacific Ocean.
If you say so.
This is messy, messy, messy.
- Oh, my God. Shut up!
- [phone ringing]
[laughs] Oh, this motherfucker.
Nice.
[Rory's father on phone]
Son, we have a problem.
- Yeah, no shit.
- [whispers] Be nice.
[Rory's father] There's a $4,000 ham
missing from the confiscation room.
[whispers] Shit.
Admit nothing, you weren't there.
You're not even here.
- [electronic music playing]
- [door opens]
Hey, Dad.
[drops file]
- [Sam Cohen] Rory.
- [chair creaks]
Melissa
I-It's all my fault!
I-I was in an accident.
My body feels like it's
it's been railed,
and the ham was just
a devastating casualty
in his effort to help me.
- [Sam] Wow.
- [mouthing]
Owning your mistakes outright.
I'm impressed.
Look, your manager left
multiple glowing reviews.
Your attendance record? Perfect.
You showed up here today,
even though you had good reason not to.
That's dedication. You know, JFK has a
a management training program.
Have you heard of High Flyers?
[Rory scoffs]
Yeah.
So, you're considering it?
[The Jeffersons theme song playing]
Movin' on up to the east side ♪
Movin' on up ♪
To a deluxe apartment ♪
In the sky ♪
- [Sam] Melissa?
- [record scratches]
No.
Oh, you should.
Well, think about it, let me know, okay?
M-Maybe Rory and I could
take the program together
Oh, don't bother, Mel.
My father doesn't think
I'm management material.
Actually, Rory could be.
He could be a lot of things,
if he didn't quit the second
they got difficult.
- That's not true.
- [Sam] Well, Tennis. Karate.
Interior design.
I opened the door for him,
all he had to do was walk through.
[coughs] Fuck your door.
[Sam clears throat] Melissa, it's been
a real pleasure.
Okay? High Flyers could use you.
Yeah. Thank you.
- Bye, Mr. Cohen.
- [Sam] Take care, Melissa.
[tense music playing]
You're 30-fucking-5.
Okay, I am so sorry.
- I can explain.
- [Alex] You don't have to.
I got a call from the president of JFK.
Great.
He said you're gonna do High Flyers.
No, I-I said I'd consider.
Well, if you consider it, and it's a yes,
I wrote you a letter of recommendation.
[both laugh]
- [door opens]
- [Patti] Alex! Alex!
[panting]
Melissa's doing drugs in the fruit room
with TSA Jason
[wheezes] and Birdman
and a ham! And Ow!
My cramping. [groans]
Cramping up my IBS attack!
O-Okay, Patti. Thank you, thank you.
You can go take care of that.
I got it from here.
- [stomach gurgling]
- [Patti panting]
[Melissa] She's not well.
[indistinct PA announcement]
[text notification bloops]
[phone ringing]
I feel like you're ghosting me.
Do you wanna talk about it?
No, no. I-I'm fine.
I-I shouldn't have, uh
Well, don't say you're fine if you aren't.
You can You can be honest.
Look, I don't wanna bore you
with my daddy issues.
Yeah, well, you couldn't be boring
if you tried.
So, lay it on me.
♪♪
- [train rumbling]
- [Rory] I got you something.
It's not as much fun
as controlled substances,
- but
- [gasps]
- My investment ham!
- [Rory] Yeah! [laughs]
Ooh, your dad is gon' kill you.
That's okay. My ham will go on.
[both laugh]
Mel, I-I think we should be
more honest with each other.
I really want that, too.
- Okay.
- [both laugh]
Truth?
I think I made a mistake with Alex.
I shouldn't have broken things off, and
I hate that he's getting married.
Truth?
I-I do have feelings for Ben,
and I think he feels the same.
H-He's coming into town this weekend.
But, I can totally tell him to
fuck off if you wanna hang.
Truth?
- I'm happy for you.
- [both laugh]
But tell him to fuck off Friday.
It's mine.
- Done.
- [laughs]
I wouldn't want you replacing me
with Tamika and Lamar.
Yeah. Deal. [laughs]
And one more
truth. Uh
I-It's embarrassing that
my dad can see the good
in my friends, and not in me.
So
I don't want you to do
the management training program.
["Where Is My Mind?"
by Tkay Maidza playing]
♪♪
Yeah. Okay, I get it.
- [sighs]
- Where is my, where is my ♪
Where is my, where is my, where is my ♪
- [text notification chimes]
- Where is my, where is my ♪
Where is my, where is my, where is my ♪
Where is my,
where is my, where is my ♪
With your feet on the air
and your head on the ground ♪
[sighs]
Try this trick and spin it ♪
Lift, thrust, weight, drag.
Your head will collapse,
but there's nothing in it ♪
Lift, thrust, weight drag.
Where is my mind? ♪
[Alex] Thus, it is my deepest pleasure
to recommend Melissa Jackson
to your program.
There is no one brighter
or more ready to grow than Mel.
Sincerely, Alex Williams.
Way out ♪
In the water, see it swimmin' ♪
[ringback tone]
Hey. It's me.
Making it weird. [laughs]
You know, this is Alex Williams, right?
- Oh, shut up.
- [Alex laughs]
I'm just saying, I thought you
lost my number for a second.
No, I was just trying to be
respectful of your situation.
You know, not cross any boundaries.
[Alex] What, friends can't
talk on the phone?
We are friends now, right?
Yeah.
Is this a good time?
Oh, well, Julie's working late,
and Knicks are fucking losing,
so your timing is impeccable.
So, she left you home alone.
She must think you're a grownup.
[laughs] Well, the jury's out on that,
but I think I'm a grownup, Ms. Jackson.
How many times do I have to tell you?
My name is Melissa.
- Ms. Jackson, if you're nasty.
- [Alex] Oh, I know.
["Situation" by Ruth B playing]
- How you feeling?
- [Melissa] I'm good.
[soft vocalizing]
I just wanted to, um,
call and say you're welcome.
[on phone, laughs]
For being [clears throat]
brilliant and easy to be around.
You know, whoever paid you to write this,
I owe them one.
It's just the truth, Ms. Jackson.
[laughs]
- But it's so complicated ♪
- [Melissa and Alex' inaudible chatter]
Baby, all I'm saying is ♪
What's the situation? ♪
Ooh ♪
What's the situation? ♪
[vocalizing]
You're always full of jokes,
I'm kinda soft spoke ♪
But when we get together,
I feel understood ♪
You say we're having fun,
and you say that I'm the one ♪
But this is so dumb,
got me so confused ♪
Wish I knew exactly what you meant ♪
Wish it wasn't messing with my head ♪
Right person, wrong time, I'm dying ♪
I've been wondering
what's been going on ♪
What's the situation? ♪
[fanfare playing]
[speaker] I think the last time
I, like, denied my, like,
emotional response of, like, pain
was probably, like, my last relationship?
It got to a point where I realized, like,
I actually was not okay.
So it's like, "Oh no,"
like, "It'll get better."
But I was in denial of that.
Like, "It's not."
[laughs] "You need to leave."
[percussive drum music playing]
[Bubba barking]
[Melissa Jackson] What?
- [barking]
- [sighs] What is it?
I'm in pain.
I already walked you. Go to bed.
[sighs, panting]
[pills rattling]
- [opens, closes pill bottle]
- [sighs]
- Bang ♪
- [beep]
[Bubba whines]
["Start A Riot" by
Duckwrth and Shaboozey playing]
Bang ♪
Minimal minimal minimal minimal ♪
Bang ♪
Minimal minimal minimal minimal ♪
- [music picks up tempo]
- [indistinct singing]
Who in here tryna start a riot? ♪
[glitching]
Yeah! ♪
Who in here tryna start a riot? ♪
Yeah, yeah, yeah, let's go ♪
[Allie] Well, look who it is!
I didn't know you lived
in the same neighborhood!
I didn't know you lived here either!
[music intensifies]
All ugly like a brown fur cardigan ♪
We can skip the monologue
and the arguin' ♪
I'm like who in here
tryna start a riot? ♪
[laughter]
- Play date?
- I wish. I have to go to work.
Oh. Let me watch him for you.
- They can be new friends. Like us.
- [laughs]
- Okay. Here you go.
- Yeah!
I don't need no super suit,
I'm feelin' brave ♪
- See you later, guys.
- I'll text ya.
Way way way, who in here tryna
start a riot? ♪
[song continues]
Yeah ♪
Who in here tryna start ♪
Let's rock and roll, so high up ♪
I can see the flow, down he go ♪
It's a plane, it's a UFO ♪
Friend or foe, let me know ♪
If you bump that action,
it don't matter ♪
Just let me know, know, know ♪
Make way ♪
I'm comin' through with
my crew to make 'em pay ♪
I don't need no super suit,
I'm feelin' brave ♪
Don't be a hero,
turn around and walk away ♪
Who in here tryna start ♪
[music slows dramatically]
- [bumping]
- [distorted singing]
[beeping, glitching]
[distorted singing continues]
[indistinct yelling]
[song stops]
- [phones ringing]
- [indistinct chatter]
Hey, Mel. You alright?
You said you were hurt, but not hurt-hurt.
Yeah, no. I didn't wanna make it weird.
Um
Do you think I could
work in the office today?
I-I don't even think
I'm supposed to be driving.
- Sure. Yeah.
- Okay.
Alright, what-what Can you tell me what
happened yet?
It's truly not worth your time.
Alright, well if you're not gonna tell me,
I just have to fill in the blanks myself.
You got into another fight
at the Prospect Park Five Guys, huh?
[Patti] You fought five guys?
Patti, I'm moving you to carts today.
But I thought when I came to dispatch,
I wouldn't have to do carts.
Do me a solid, just for today, alright?
Mel needs this.
[Patti] She's faking!
- [Melissa sighs]
- [Alex Williams] Come on.
I signed that letter
of recommendation for you
for the management program.
Don't even think about it.
'Kay? High Flyers only picks one person
from each department,
and this year, it's gonna be me.
Well, let's hope you fly so high,
you end up at another airport.
[Patti giggles] You wish.
Hey! You've never looked better,
by the way.
[Melissa] Are you still here?
- [percussive music playing]
- [groans]
Well. Looks like it's just
me and you today, huh?
[sighs] Yeah, I guess so.
[chair creaks]
[groans]
[phone buzzing]
[Melissa] Hm. Well,
look who's feeling guilty.
[sighs]
[voicemail] Hey, you've reached Mel.
Leave a message at the beep.
- She's still ignoring me.
- [ends call]
Did you know that
the higher you get, the drier you get?
I have a line of travel products,
for us, by me.
You will be supporting Black, woman,
and me-owned businesses.
Oh! And right now, I have a special on
lotion-watches. Ah!
They don't keep the time,
but they help you shine
Ugh, stay ashy then!
If Mel is ignoring you,
it's probably for a reason.
Uh, I bailed on her birthday for dick.
It was Bi-Coastal Bae.
With that ass that can crack walnuts?
You shouldn't have done it,
but I get it.
Right? This man represents every man
that has ever rejected me.
I had to do it. Plus, he was only in
town for the night.
I'm apologizing as soon as I can find her.
I just didn't wanna do it empty-handed.
So, how many times?
- [stuffed bear] I love you!
- Twice.
- Mm!
- And then I was starving,
so we split the parm at Carbone.
And then?
We did it again in the bathroom.
- [Kaya] Oh, Rory Cohen!
- Can you just [sighs]
Has he texted?
Gimme! Uh-uh! [squeals]
I don't even know him. It was nothing.
Good morning and a sunrise?
How does this perfect man make money?
He's an orthopedic surgeon for athletes.
The LA Football Club
has him on speed dial.
A soccer doctor. Please leave.
- Uh-uh. [laughs]
- I get it. Thank you.
Wait! Wait, wait.
The second-generation lotion-watches
dropping Black History Month.
- [grunts]
- Thank you.
Tell Mel I hope she's feeling better.
- Why? What happened?
- [drum sting]
And I respect all religions.
- I really do. But
- [text notification chimes]
do the holidays have to all
fall at the same time?
Like, we all know at least two days
in Kwanzaa that are not real.
Right? Jumanji? Emoji?
[text notification chimes]
[drops folder]
Tuning me out already. I missed this.
- What the fuck is High Flyers anyway?
- [Alex] I told you about it.
You said it sounded like
homework for grownups.
- Is it not?
- [Alex] Well, yeah,
but it's homework that qualifies you for
a pay bump when you finish.
Look, th-the poster's right there.
[scoffs] If it's between that
and the secret picture poster,
- I'm choosing whimsy, baby.
- [both laugh]
Every time, Alex, I'm choosing whimsy.
Maybe I should be making better choices.
Speaking of choices,
I
bought a plane ticket to your wedding.
Are you f You for real?
I didn't think you'd actually come.
- Was I invited by accident?
- [Alex] N-No!
No, of course not. It's just
[laughs] Mel, you don't fly.
- No.
- [Alex] I mean, that's amazing. I'm just,
you know, surprised, and
I-I guess I'm honored
that you would take
your first flight for me.
Oh, it's not for you. [giggles]
It's a great excuse to spend
New Year's on the beach,
a-and, uh, spend money I don't have.
Well, you and Rory are
gonna have a great time.
Do I not get a plus one?
I mean, I'm not going with Rory.
I'm bringing a date.
Of course you are.
- Yeah! Single, so
- [laughs] Yeah.
[laughs] You have a date.
- That's right.
- And I have a date.
- You do?
- What are we, a calendar?
- [laughs]
- Yeah! [laughs]
- [upbeat music playing]
- [airport chatter]
Finally gonna see the Grand Canyon
after all these years.
- Hey! Any tips?
- [tires screech]
- Don't fall in.
- Hm.
Hey, Patti, have you seen Mel?
Uh, yes I have, actually.
She should not be coming into work
if she can't lift 30 pounds.
Oh, my God, is she seriously hurt?
Well, Alex told me
that she got in a rumble
with five guys in Prospect Park.
- Shit.
- I mean, shouldn't you know that?
Aren't you two like Shrek and Donkey?
I'm sorry, am I Donkey to you in th
You know what? Never mind.
Don't answer that.
Yes, you're the donkey,
and stop covering for her!
Get out.
[upbeat music playing]
[Melissa] They should have called it in.
Can you check again?
I-It's M as in mango.
- E as in
- [massage chair whirring]
Yes. And Jackson as in
the Five?
[laughs] So
No, I don't know the name
of the doctor that saw me.
No, I don't have a primary care physician.
Because I'm poor?
No, I am not a drug addict, Howard!
[call ends, beeping]
[sighs]
[Rory Cohen] Hi, Mel, are you okay?
- Patti said you got into a fight.
- [Melissa] I did.
With an Ümlaüt wardrobe Friday night.
- [beep, chair stops]
- No, come on.
I got it.
- [chair beeps]
- Oh. Thank you.
- [chair restarts]
- Ah
- I should've been there.
- Yeah, you should have,
but you had your fundraiser, right?
- So, I-I get it.
- [Rory] Okay, don't be mad,
but there
there was no fundraiser.
[Melissa, sarcastic] Wow. Really?
- The shock.
- Bi-Coastal Bae hit on me in the lounge,
and he smelled like a leather candle.
I had to say yes.
You know how hard it is
for me in these streets.
Why didn't you just tell me the truth?
Because I'm weak, okay? I suck!
God. Can you please pretend
that this never happened
and accept these
apology-slash-birthday gifts?
[gentle music playing]
[bag rustling]
[gasps] Moisture Luther King!
Kaya put out a new lotion watch?
No more of the Talcum X. Okay.
[giggles, gasps]
Babe, did they not
give you the good drugs?
Oh! Just enough to get through
the weekend.
But, apparently, the pharmacist says
- that they didn't give me any refills.
- Fuck big pharma.
- [grunts]
- I'm not gonna let them do you like that.
You know this place
is full of drugs, right?
This is a new cart.
It only has 50 yards on it.
How different could it be from Mario Kart?
I see you, Melissa.
Patti for Alex.
[on radio] I just saw Mel
hot-dogging in the cart.
I told you she was faking.
Shit. Oh, where you taking me?
To the bowels, baby. To the bowels.
- [indistinct rapping]
- [equipment whirring]
This place is supposed to be
the holy grail
of illegal paraphernalia.
We're talking smack, poppers,
stoppers, uppers, downers, inners, outers,
all taken from idiot flyers.
It's legend.
It's the pharmacy of your dreams.
You'll be feeling good in no time.
[refrigeration whirring]
What? It's all food.
I don't understand. Everything I've heard
about this place,
we should be nipple-deep in substances.
I'm sorry.
Who smuggles a whole ham?
- Brazen.
- Oh!
[laughs]
- Shit. [grunts]
- Oh, girl. [laughs]
- Just be careful.
- [mutters]
[Rory] Aw
Did I ever tell you
I got these in film school?
- [Melissa] No!
- They were itchy!
Oh! Please put that away.
I was eating one of its cousins
when that wardrobe fell on me.
Please me you weren't by yourself.
No. Uh,
Tamika and Lamar,
they came over for drinks. [laughs]
- Getting to know the neighbors.
- [phone chimes]
I'm sorry, excuse me?
Is that Bi-Coastal Bae?
Yeah, it's Ben. Uh, but wait.
If your neighbors were there
I'm so sorry, did you say Ben? Ben?
- Uh, are we on a first-name basis?
- Okay
- [speaker] Hey!
- Oh, my God!
- [groaning]
- Sorry.
- [grunts]
- You're Mel, right?
I heard you got messed up
'cause you owed five grand
to a card shark.
Who's starting these rumors?
Listen [sighs]
You know what? Yeah, that was me.
Nice. Wh-What are you guys
doing down here?
- We
- We're looking for illegal drugs.
- That part.
- Oh, sorry. I can't help you.
Drugs are taken off-site
to be incinerated.
I protect American agriculture.
Farmland Security.
- You need Homeland Security.
- [drums on table]
- TSA.
- Shit.
- Oh no, no.
- What?
Jason is in TSA.
It's a little awkward for me
to see him right now
with another guy's handprints on my ass.
- Rory! You owe me.
- [sighs] Okay.
Nancy, don't let me down. Mama needs meds.
Uh, quick question.
- Yeah?
- Um
- Could you tell me about this ham?
- [Carlos] Ooh.
- Absolutely. Nice one.
- [Melissa] Mm-hmm.
- Acorn-fed.
- [Melissa] Acorn-fed.
Worth probably about four-thou.
- $4,000.
- Mm-hmm. An investment ham.
[upbeat music playing]
Um Can
Can I have it?
I'm not [laughs] I'm not supposed to.
But
- [sighs] Sure, go ahead.
- Mm. [laughs]
- Thank you. [chuckles]
- You're welcome.
Hey, Rory. When I say investment,
you say ham.
- Investment! Investment!
- [Rory] Ham. Ham.
- Investment! [laughs]
- [Rory sings] Ham! ♪
[Melissa] You have handprints on your ass,
you keep looking at your phone.
Do you have feelings for Ben?
[Rory] No, and even if I did,
guys like that don't catch feelings
for guys like me.
- [Patti on radio] Patti for Melissa.
- Finally.
- Go for Melissa.
- [Patti] This is a dereliction of duty.
- You are in breach of employee code.
- I got my period.
- It's a wide one.
- [Patti] That isn't a real thing.
[metal squeaking]
[TSA agent] Directly on the belt.
Not in the bin.
- [beep]
- I said not in the bin!
I don't care what they do at LaGuardia.
Does this smell like LaGuardia?
Do not take your tiny liquids baggie out,
lady!
We only do that sometimes, okay?
Get that tiny pillow
in that tiny bag right now
Ivan! Cover for me.
- [Melissa] You slept with him?
- [Rory] He was in my COVID bubble.
Mel, TSA Jason. TSA Jason, Mel.
So, uh, I know I never
ask you for anything,
but I was wondering if
Sure you do. Every Tuesday,
and I'm always happy to give it to you.
Aren't you supposed to be
stopping terrorist attacks or
Yeah, that's not real.
My job is to humiliate people
and to tell them to get new socks.
- [Melissa] Mm.
- So, how can I help you, Rory?
Um, I know this is random, but, um,
you don't happen
to have any painkillers, do you?
[Jason] Sorry, I can't help.
But, you know, they're first taken
to a stash spot.
Not sure where it is,
but perhaps you could talk to somebody
with eyes on the outside.
You know what, I have an idea.
- Come on, let's go.
- [intriguing music playing]
So See you tomorrow, Rory?
Um, uh, actually, tomorrow is no good.
There's a new James Patterson coming out,
so Hudson will be slammed.
I was kinda hoping you
and I could get slammed.
[awkward laugh]
[Melissa] Rory!
Yep, yep, yep!
[Rory] Do you think you can
gun it a little bit?
No, I can't. Slow and steady.
If I brake, I'll shit out my spleen.
[Rory] Patti, 8 o'clock. Patti, 8 o'clock.
- Oh, shit. [strained grunt]
- [action music playing]
- My investment ham!
- Leave it!
Sir, you are a witness to a crime.
Any complaints,
and you're obstructing justice.
Excusez-moi!
My thing is, like, the doctor
said I'ma get a little taller,
I just gotta wait. But, I'm 30 now.
You know what I'm saying?
Like, so like, do I have to
Yo, what's up, Mel?
Heard you got high and hit a parked car.
For the love of God!
I just got into it
with some Ümlaüt furniture.
I could help you sue some Swedish bitches.
He will. This fool almost brought
Arby's to its knees.
Mm-hmm. You don't stop
serving the cordon bleu,
and expect me not to get paid.
Bait and switch, motherfucker!
It said "for a limited time."
Just write down what happened.
I'll send it to my guy.
I might take you up on that,
but we're actually just here
to get intel on the stash spot?
They wanna know about the stash spot.
Yeah, we don't have a lot of time so
- They don't got a lot of time.
- They don't have a lot of time. [laughs]
Hey yo, DeShawn and myself,
we out here on the ground.
We see a little bit, hear a little bit.
Mm-hmm. We also don't see shit.
If you wanna talk to the man
who really runs JFK,
he got his eyes in the sky,
who knows everything?
You need to talk to
- the Birdman! Caw-caw!
- The Birdman!
- You feed him hamsters.
- Yeah, it's serious.
Most airports have bird men.
Okay, bird persons.
Ours is the only real,
like, Birdman, for real.
- Ours is special.
- Bird persons.
It's not mysterious. It's just a job.
It's not just a job, T!
They prevent bird strikes.
Alright? Sully Sullenberger shit!
[laughs] Ow! Fuck.
You good?
[sighs] I'm getting there.
Alright. Don't go dyin' on me, Jackson.
"Don't go dyin' on me, Jackson." [laughs]
What up, man? We gonna see
the Birdman or what?
Grab a coat over there.
We gotta be incognito.
[hawk screeches]
Hear what I say ♪
["Legend Has It"
by Run The Jewels playing]
[hawk screeches]
We the new PB & J ♪
We dropped a classic today ♪
We did a tablet of acid today ♪
[cans clattering]
Hey, man. Uh
[shushes]
- [bird screeches]
- [surprised yelps]
This is Loki.
So, we're actually here
because our friend
Each morn, gulls risk getting
sucked into the jet engines.
Pulverized. Threatening lives of
both men and bird.
Each morn, it's Loki's job here
- to scare the gulls off.
- [Rory] Fantastic.
Look, I hate to break up
this falconry lesson,
but my girl Mel is in a lot of pain,
- so if we could just move this along
- Respectfully.
Well, if you're looking for drugs at JFK,
you just have to watch
as they unload the planes.
Drugs are usually the first
or the last thing taken off.
See, I knew that shit.
I knew they had a system.
- That's not what you said.
- Shaun.
You said we don't get raises because
JFK cares more about birds
than it does its employees. That's what
I-I Wh-Why Really? Right here?
I personally love what you do.
Makes my job a lot easier.
[Birdman] Oh, thank you.
Lift, thrust, weight, and drag.
- [bird screeches]
- [all gasp]
To fly, you need all four.
Everybody knows about lift and thrust.
They propel you upwards, forward.
But weight and drag,
they're equally as important.
- Do you know why?
- [Shaun] Oh, I know this one.
Math.
The opposing forces balance each other.
Lift is equal to gravity
while thrust is equal to drag.
- Okay, Captain Einstein!
- Actually, he's correct.
He is correct.
You know, sometimes the things
that hold you back and slow you down
are actually the things
you need to take off.
[thoughtful music playing]
Okay, well, great.
Great, so should we kick rocks?
- [DeShawn] Yeah.
- Thanks, man.
- [planes roaring]
- Thank you. I owe you one, Mr. Birdman.
Oh, please. Mr. Birdman was my father.
You can call me Caaaawwwwwrl!
I won't. [laughs]
My name is is Carl.
[geese squawking]
[plane roaring]
[Rory] You're awfully quiet.
[Melissa sighs]
That bird nerd really fucked me up.
What time does the flight land?
Hawaiian Airlines
lands between 2:00 and 3:00,
Monday, Wednesday, and Thursday.
And so, we have 12 minutes.
[Rory] You need to get out more.
Well, I bought a ticket to Hawaii.
Uh, I'm sorry, what?
- I mean, we can still go together.
- [Rory] Yeah! No,
yeah, th-that's great.
But, um, oh, this is big!
How? When did
A woman died next to me in the hospital.
She had nobody.
I mean, nobody. Like, nobody to throw
her a funeral,
and even if there was one,
no one would come.
- And
- [melancholy music playing]
I'm just tired of waiting
for my life to start.
I wanna go to the next level.
There's been so much drag. I just
It's time to thrust.
- Oh, you're trying to thrust alright.
- Come on. [laughs]
Alex, Hawaii, I see you.
- No!
- Mm-hmm.
No, seriously, it's not about him.
It's about me!
I wanna take my first flight
and dip my toes in the Pacific Ocean.
If you say so.
This is messy, messy, messy.
- Oh, my God. Shut up!
- [phone ringing]
[laughs] Oh, this motherfucker.
Nice.
[Rory's father on phone]
Son, we have a problem.
- Yeah, no shit.
- [whispers] Be nice.
[Rory's father] There's a $4,000 ham
missing from the confiscation room.
[whispers] Shit.
Admit nothing, you weren't there.
You're not even here.
- [electronic music playing]
- [door opens]
Hey, Dad.
[drops file]
- [Sam Cohen] Rory.
- [chair creaks]
Melissa
I-It's all my fault!
I-I was in an accident.
My body feels like it's
it's been railed,
and the ham was just
a devastating casualty
in his effort to help me.
- [Sam] Wow.
- [mouthing]
Owning your mistakes outright.
I'm impressed.
Look, your manager left
multiple glowing reviews.
Your attendance record? Perfect.
You showed up here today,
even though you had good reason not to.
That's dedication. You know, JFK has a
a management training program.
Have you heard of High Flyers?
[Rory scoffs]
Yeah.
So, you're considering it?
[The Jeffersons theme song playing]
Movin' on up to the east side ♪
Movin' on up ♪
To a deluxe apartment ♪
In the sky ♪
- [Sam] Melissa?
- [record scratches]
No.
Oh, you should.
Well, think about it, let me know, okay?
M-Maybe Rory and I could
take the program together
Oh, don't bother, Mel.
My father doesn't think
I'm management material.
Actually, Rory could be.
He could be a lot of things,
if he didn't quit the second
they got difficult.
- That's not true.
- [Sam] Well, Tennis. Karate.
Interior design.
I opened the door for him,
all he had to do was walk through.
[coughs] Fuck your door.
[Sam clears throat] Melissa, it's been
a real pleasure.
Okay? High Flyers could use you.
Yeah. Thank you.
- Bye, Mr. Cohen.
- [Sam] Take care, Melissa.
[tense music playing]
You're 30-fucking-5.
Okay, I am so sorry.
- I can explain.
- [Alex] You don't have to.
I got a call from the president of JFK.
Great.
He said you're gonna do High Flyers.
No, I-I said I'd consider.
Well, if you consider it, and it's a yes,
I wrote you a letter of recommendation.
[both laugh]
- [door opens]
- [Patti] Alex! Alex!
[panting]
Melissa's doing drugs in the fruit room
with TSA Jason
[wheezes] and Birdman
and a ham! And Ow!
My cramping. [groans]
Cramping up my IBS attack!
O-Okay, Patti. Thank you, thank you.
You can go take care of that.
I got it from here.
- [stomach gurgling]
- [Patti panting]
[Melissa] She's not well.
[indistinct PA announcement]
[text notification bloops]
[phone ringing]
I feel like you're ghosting me.
Do you wanna talk about it?
No, no. I-I'm fine.
I-I shouldn't have, uh
Well, don't say you're fine if you aren't.
You can You can be honest.
Look, I don't wanna bore you
with my daddy issues.
Yeah, well, you couldn't be boring
if you tried.
So, lay it on me.
♪♪
- [train rumbling]
- [Rory] I got you something.
It's not as much fun
as controlled substances,
- but
- [gasps]
- My investment ham!
- [Rory] Yeah! [laughs]
Ooh, your dad is gon' kill you.
That's okay. My ham will go on.
[both laugh]
Mel, I-I think we should be
more honest with each other.
I really want that, too.
- Okay.
- [both laugh]
Truth?
I think I made a mistake with Alex.
I shouldn't have broken things off, and
I hate that he's getting married.
Truth?
I-I do have feelings for Ben,
and I think he feels the same.
H-He's coming into town this weekend.
But, I can totally tell him to
fuck off if you wanna hang.
Truth?
- I'm happy for you.
- [both laugh]
But tell him to fuck off Friday.
It's mine.
- Done.
- [laughs]
I wouldn't want you replacing me
with Tamika and Lamar.
Yeah. Deal. [laughs]
And one more
truth. Uh
I-It's embarrassing that
my dad can see the good
in my friends, and not in me.
So
I don't want you to do
the management training program.
["Where Is My Mind?"
by Tkay Maidza playing]
♪♪
Yeah. Okay, I get it.
- [sighs]
- Where is my, where is my ♪
Where is my, where is my, where is my ♪
- [text notification chimes]
- Where is my, where is my ♪
Where is my, where is my, where is my ♪
Where is my,
where is my, where is my ♪
With your feet on the air
and your head on the ground ♪
[sighs]
Try this trick and spin it ♪
Lift, thrust, weight, drag.
Your head will collapse,
but there's nothing in it ♪
Lift, thrust, weight drag.
Where is my mind? ♪
[Alex] Thus, it is my deepest pleasure
to recommend Melissa Jackson
to your program.
There is no one brighter
or more ready to grow than Mel.
Sincerely, Alex Williams.
Way out ♪
In the water, see it swimmin' ♪
[ringback tone]
Hey. It's me.
Making it weird. [laughs]
You know, this is Alex Williams, right?
- Oh, shut up.
- [Alex laughs]
I'm just saying, I thought you
lost my number for a second.
No, I was just trying to be
respectful of your situation.
You know, not cross any boundaries.
[Alex] What, friends can't
talk on the phone?
We are friends now, right?
Yeah.
Is this a good time?
Oh, well, Julie's working late,
and Knicks are fucking losing,
so your timing is impeccable.
So, she left you home alone.
She must think you're a grownup.
[laughs] Well, the jury's out on that,
but I think I'm a grownup, Ms. Jackson.
How many times do I have to tell you?
My name is Melissa.
- Ms. Jackson, if you're nasty.
- [Alex] Oh, I know.
["Situation" by Ruth B playing]
- How you feeling?
- [Melissa] I'm good.
[soft vocalizing]
I just wanted to, um,
call and say you're welcome.
[on phone, laughs]
For being [clears throat]
brilliant and easy to be around.
You know, whoever paid you to write this,
I owe them one.
It's just the truth, Ms. Jackson.
[laughs]
- But it's so complicated ♪
- [Melissa and Alex' inaudible chatter]
Baby, all I'm saying is ♪
What's the situation? ♪
Ooh ♪
What's the situation? ♪
[vocalizing]
You're always full of jokes,
I'm kinda soft spoke ♪
But when we get together,
I feel understood ♪
You say we're having fun,
and you say that I'm the one ♪
But this is so dumb,
got me so confused ♪
Wish I knew exactly what you meant ♪
Wish it wasn't messing with my head ♪
Right person, wrong time, I'm dying ♪
I've been wondering
what's been going on ♪
What's the situation? ♪
[fanfare playing]