How to with John Wilson (2020) s01e02 Episode Script

1
(VEHICLE BEEPING)
(GLASS CRACKING)
(WHIMSICAL MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
JOHN WILSON: Hey.
Everyone in New York
is going to die.
But sometimes the city tries
to stop that from happening.
Many people worry about things
that can kill them at eye level.
But you're probably more likely
to be destroyed
by something above you.
This is why
the city has installed
a sprawling network
of temporary sidewalk shelters
to protect pedestrians
from falling objects.
(CLEARS THROAT)
This is called scaffolding,
and almost everywhere
you look in Manhattan,
you are guaranteed to see
some form of it.
It's as common
as a fire hydrant
or a honking horn,
but most New Yorkers
don't even seem to
give it a second thought.
So, do you have strong thoughts
about scaffolding?
No, not at the moment.
(MUSIC CONTINUES PLAYING) ♪
JOHN: I didn't understand why
there was so much of it
in New York,
so I went on an expedition
to figure out
why anyone would wanna cover up
such a handsome city
in so much scaffolding.
There wasn't always this much
scaffolding in New York.
-(PIANO MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
-Long ago,
the island of Manhattan
was a lush, green paradise.
But ever since the Dutch
came across the sea
and colonized
this unspoiled virgin island,
New York has been a casualty
to man's ravenous appetite
for over-development.
Once the original settlers
tamed the bedrock,
the only other direction
to build was upwards,
towards the heavens.
(PIANO MUSIC STOPS) ♪
At this point,
New York has some of the oldest,
tallest, uh, most historic
buildings in the country.
But their toxic relationship
with gravity
has, uh, turned them
into a fatal liability.
In 1979, a young student
was hit by a brick
that fell off the facade
of a building and killed her.
This is the intersection
where it happened, right here.
Her name was Grace Gold.
And they renamed the street
after her, uh,
a few years later.
After she died,
the city passed a local law
which basically says that
every building in New York
has to have their façade
inspected every five years,
whether the building needs it
or not.
This turned
New York City scaffolding
into an eight-billion-dollar-
a-year industry.
And it doesn't seem like
it's gonna be slowing down
anytime soon.
(UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
(MUSIC STOPS) ♪
JOHN: The average scaffold is
made of a few simple elements.
Your main vertical pole
is called the standard,
or sometimes the upright.
These are usually made of steel
or aluminum.
And, um
Uh
The people
that put up scaffolding
are affectionately known
as "scaffies."
And they may do more
to alter the landscape
than any other group of people
in New York.
(JOLLY MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
They are a polarizing bunch.
Uh they seem like
a vigorous and virile breed.
But there are also hierarchies,
uh, within the business
that most people
may be unaware of.
A scaffie is someone
that actually erects
most of the structure.
A "groundie" is someone
that yells at a scaffie
from the street to make sure
they're doing the right thing.
The "plankie" is in charge
of all the wood.
The "flagger" tells civilians
where to walk,
uh, while the "beam boys"
move the steel overhead.
The "foremen" make sure
that everything is done
according to
OSHA safety standards.
Every crew has a
a "hammer guy," uh, just one.
Or sometimes two.
Two hammer guys.
Uh, the "roll-dog" drives
the crew between job sites.
The "bathroom attendant"
gives them a
a pot to piss in.
The "sweetman" cools them down
at the end of a long afternoon.
And Spot here, uh,
grabs them the paper.
-(DOG BARKS)
-JOHN: Atta boy.
And when they all work together,
this glorious ballet
produces a majority
of New York's roughly
280 miles of scaffolding.
Because scaffolding
is only meant to be temporary,
the people who put it up
usually don't care how it looks.
At best, the design
of most scaffolding
is aggressively neutral.
But a lot of people see this
as a divine opportunity
to personalize it
and make it their own.
Outside of this building,
they covered it in fake vines,
which makes it feel
like you're waltzing
through some kind
of Italian villa.
(MANDOLIN MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
-(FLUTE MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
-JOHN: And it seems like
across the city,
just about every culture
has made scaffolding its own.
(DANCE MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
It's a dancing night
Gonna dance the ni ♪
(WHIMSICAL MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
("I'LL BE THERE FOR YOU"
BY THE REMBRANDTS PLAYING) ♪
("HALLOWEEN" BY
MAURA MATLAK PLAYING) ♪
Halloween, Halloween ♪
Halloween ♪
-Hehehe ♪
-Trick or treat ♪
My friend-o'-lantern
We call him Jack, he's gri ♪
(MUSIC STOPS ABRUPTLY) ♪
JOHN: Many residents of New York
have discovered practical ways
to make use of scaffolding.
This person turned it into
a a public fitness center.
This person is using scaffolding
as an office.
This person, uh, turned it
into a ba a bathroom.
These people turned it
into a bedroom.
-(PLAYING FLUTE)
-JOHN: This person turned it
into their own personal
concert venue.
When I asked him
how to get to Carnegie Hall,
he said, uh, he didn't know.
I pass these guys every day,
and they're always
playing backgammon
underneath the scaffolding
day and night,
in every kind of weather.
I even met someone
who used scaffolding
on a romantic date.
He had scaffolding set up
on the side of his house.
It was in Hawaii.
He left me outside
when it rained.
That was interesting.
-JOHN: Like this?
-Yep, yep.
But picture, um
of course, without clothes.
Because, like I said,
he was a nudist.
And, uh, that's the time
he came in with the blindfold,
he used a whip on me.
And, um, he he edged me
while I was blindfolded,
then he'd just walk away.
And, um, session lasted
about two hours.
And then he did finish me off,
and I squirted
all over the floor.
(UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
JOHN: I went to a museum
in Queens,
and they had
an art installation
that was entirely made
out of scaffolding.
It was heavily decorated with,
uh, waterfalls and stuff
and even a bunch
of hammocks
that people could relax on.
They even paid 22 dollars each
for the chance to admire it
and interact with it.
I guess it doesn't take much
to transform
such a common object
into something extraordinary.
It's kind of like
when a superhero puts on a cape
and for some reason, no one
can recognize them anymore.
And when I left, I noticed
that every single building
outside the museum had
scaffolding up in front of it.
But nobody seemed to want
to interact with this stuff.
(CLASSICAL MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
Since the dawn of cinema,
scaffolding has
offered a setting
for some of our
wildest fantasies.
Countless action scenes
have taken place
on or around scaffolding.
This includes pretty much
every movie
that Jackie Chan
has ever been in.
It seems like the poor guy
just can't catch a break
whenever there's construction
going on.
It's probably so popular
because it's a modular set piece
that is stable enough
to fight on
and makes sense in almost
any environment.
It often transmits that
whatever property they're on
is not worthy of respect,
and that any damage they do
to the structure
is of no significance.
It's a great place
for comedy too
and drama.
It's industrial, yet romantic,
and its erotic qualities
cannot be denied.
There are a lot
of iconic buildings
that show up all the time
in movies about New York City.
There's usually never anything
obstructing them
in the establishing shots,
but in reality,
all of these buildings
are usually covered
by a bunch of scaffolding.
Here's the Flatiron Building
in The Usual Suspects
and here's what it usually
looks like.
Here's the Plaza Hotel
in the background
of Midnight Cowboy
and here it is in real life.
Here's Tiffany's in the movie
Breakfast at Tiffany's
and here
and there's scaffolding.
Here's 101 Park Avenue
in Gremlins 2,
and it seems like
it's one of the few buildings
that's untouched in real
Nope, actually, there
there's scaffolding there too.
(CLASSICAL MUSIC STOPS) ♪
We cover ourselves
in scaffolding all the time.
Uh, braces are scaffolding
of the mouth.
A cast can be a scaffold
for the limbs.
A brassiere is scaffolding
for the breast.
These things give us structure,
support, and protection.
We even have scaffolding
in our bodies,
inside every cell.
BIOLOGIST: Um, this is
the scaffolding protein
-in pink here.
-JOHN: Ah.
BIOLOGIST: And this is
the three different proteins
you might have positioned on it
that need to work together.
JOHN: Could we live
without scaffolding proteins
-in our bodies?
-No. No.
JOHN: But not everyone
likes scaffolding.
-(SAD MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
-I've almost had that stuff
hit me in the head.
'Cause these guys are up there,
and they don't know
what they're doing.
And they they're
barely able to hold it up.
And you're walking underneath
And one time,
a piece actually fell,
and it was maybe
about eight feet away from me,
but it was about that far away
from the pregnant woman
in front of me.
So we both got hysterical.
JOHN: A lot of people complain
that it interrupts foot traffic
and obscures the signage
of, uh,
beloved businesses underneath.
This lawyer had an amazing view,
but not anymore.
A lot of trees don't receive
the light that they deserve
underneath all this stuff.
It decreases property value
sometimes,
and also decreases
the quality of life
-for the residents inside.
-(MUSIC FADES) ♪
WOMAN: This scaffolding
has been up for (LAUGHS)
-for over a year now.
-JOHN: Oh, really?
WOMAN: Uh, it's
(SIGHS)
This, uh, it blocks
your view of the street.
We have some
nice trees out here.
You can't see the trees.
We've had people drilling
outside. (IMITATES DRILL)
You know
It's It's depressing.
It's just depressing.
(JAZZ MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
JOHN: Sometimes people
even spontaneously snap
and try to take it down
themselves.
But if you really can't stand
scaffolding outside
of your building,
the most effective
removal method
is to hop into a cab, uh,
put on your seat belt,
and tell the driver
to plow strai to to
to drive directly into it.
Um, then, they'll have to
take it all down.
And everyone will thank you
for your service.
(SINGING)
Sandman, bring me ♪
JOHN: Most New Yorkers
will put up with anything
as long as they know
it's temporary.
(SINGING) Bring me a dream ♪
JOHN: But for some people,
the temporary nature
of something can be the problem.
BLIND MAN:
You won't know there's
there's a pole there
until you run right into it.
Uh, the ones I really hate
is when you got poles that are,
uh, elevated mostly,
um, like chest level,
uh, stomach level,
or even head level,
where the cane can actually
glide under under it
and it won't detect it.
And you won't know there's
a pole there until you hit it.
-You see how this one is lower?
-JOHN: Yeah.
So, immediately, I would, uh,
immediately try to go
around this if I feel it.
Goes right underneath.
Uh, yeah, it'd be great
to live in a city
without scaffolding.
But, um, unfortunately, uh
you know,
you work with what you got.
(DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
JOHN: About a decade ago,
I had this job where
I had to wake up at 4 a.m.
and go film infomercials
that were broadcast live
to local cable stations
around the country.
It was right here
at 229 West 36th Street.
I spent many, many cold mornings
waiting for someone
to buzz me in
so I could go
shoot some infomercials.
This is one of the things
that I shot.
I was instructed to film
the beef exactly like this,
for ten hours straight.
So, they're just wonderful.
They're all the buzz right now.
Sweet and savory,
just delicious.
Your guests will love them,
and you will totally take them
to Roast-Beef-atopia.
JOHN: I remember
after the first one I did,
I told myself that
I would never return
under any circumstances.
But five years later,
I was still somehow standing
behind the same camera,
filming the same beef
the same way.
INFOMERCIAL HOST:
Look at all that great food,
hand-trimmed to exacting
specifications (INAUDIBLE)
JOHN: I was afraid
I wouldn't be able to
support myself
without steady work,
even though I knew in my heart
that I was helping to create
some of the most grotesque
content on the planet.
(TRANQUIL MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
It's really easy to settle for
something that you don't like.
Because if you never admit
you're unhappy
with something
then you never have
to change anything.
Most of us don't speak up
when we're dissatisfied
and then things just
begin to accumulate
until you can't really
imagine an alternative.
You could end a relationship
that offers you nothing,
or you could just
stay in it indefinitely
because it's too hard
to move on.
This scaffolding has been up
for over 20 years.
It's at 409 Edgecombe Avenue
in the Sugar Hill area
of Harlem.
Yeah, it's been here
my entire life.
I don't know when it was put up,
when they plan on
bringing it down. It's
It's just something
that's been here.
Like, I I know we used it
for, like, sports and games.
I know I used to play,
like, manhunt,
and we used to climb up this
and just run it.
You know, to me, I
I've known it my whole life,
so, to me, it is a landmark.
JOHN: But despite whatever
emotional attachment you have
scaffolding was never designed
to be up for this long.
I was walking down
Fifth Avenue recently,
and I saw that a bunch of
scaffolding had just collapsed.
There were broken planks
and bricks everywhere,
but thankfully, nobody was hurt.
It seemed like
all this old scaffolding
was a ticking time bomb.
But instead of figuring out
a way to get it down sooner,
the only noticeable innovation
has been to make it
more stylish.
In 2009, they held a
scaffolding design competition,
and this thing won.
(TRIUMPHANT MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
Not long after,
its creamy, pearly-white pillars
started to pop up on some of the
city's more genteel buildings.
Although it may be brighter
and less cave-like,
this new scaffold seems
a lot less customizable.
There are fewer places
to hang things.
And I can't imagine
an action scene
working the same way.
It's almost as if it wants
New York to be a different city,
where it looks like
every building
shops at the same store.
And I'm not sure that
turning scaffolding
into a status symbol
is really making us any safer.
(MUSIC STOPS) ♪
Fortunately, there was
a scaffolding convention
happening, uh,
down in New Orleans.
So I went down there
to see if there was
a solution on the horizon
that could work for everyone.
(TRIUMPHANT MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
When I checked in
to the Sheraton,
I could already see signs
that the scaffolding industry
had invaded.
This was supposed to be
the cutting edge
of scaffold technology,
and I was, uh,
I was very excited.
(TRIUMPHANT MUSIC CONTINUES) ♪
-JOHN: Did you invent this?
-Yeah.
JOHN:
Uh, why did you invent this?
Because I had a window cleaner
fall off a building and die.
JOHN: Oh.
(TRIUMPHANT MUSIC CONTINUES) ♪
WINDOW WASHER MANUFACTURER:
And we can make it 13 feet long.
It's an eight-footer now,
but we
That's a small side brush,
so we can add
two side brushes
and it'll clean
It'll clean almost
twice as much.
(TRIUMPHANT MUSIC STOPS) ♪
JOHN: Wow.
I only talked
to a couple of people
before the organizers
of the convention approached me
and told me that I needed
to stop filming.
Uh, why is that?
ORGANIZER 1:
ORGANIZER 2: Yes.
JOHN: They said that there were
too many industry secrets here,
and I couldn't be trusted
not to steal them.
So I can't go around
ORGANIZERS:
JOHN: All right.
I was crushed.
But thankfully,
there were a bunch of
scaffolding people
hanging around outside,
and they were fine telling me
all their secrets.
Business is good,
business is booming, uh,
our s our sales
are increasing year over year.
If you're in New York City,
you will
you will never
get away from scaffolding,
-I can promise you that.
-(CHUCKLES)
JOHN: Do you worry
about stuff falling on you, uh,
when you walk around cities?
-Oh, yes. Yes.
-Sometimes, yes.
Unless my husband has done
the scaffolding,
I don't worry about it.
JOHN: When you see
a well-done scaffolding job,
do you see beauty?
-Yes.
-Yes.
-And safety.
-Yes.
JOHN: Can scaffolding be art?
-Yes, it can. It is art.
-It is. Yes.
-It is art.
-It is art.
(MYSTERIOUS MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
JOHN: Walking around downtown,
I actually didn't even see
any scaffolding.
Maybe this is because all
the scaffolding in New Orleans
was actually built into
the architecture down here.
It was a beautiful alternative.
Would New York be better off
if we had something permanent
instead of this temporary stuff
being erected
and dismantled all the time?
Is this what it looks like
when you finally commit
to something?
The locals here were lucky
to live in a state of bliss
enjoyed only by those
ignorant of scaffolding.
What are your thoughts
on scaffolding?
I don't even know what that is,
I'm gonna be honest with you.
JOHN: Do you ever worry about,
uh, things falling
and hitting you on the head?
All the time.
They got balconies up here,
they got people
who would throw shit at you.
I've had it happen to me.
They'll see the big gold
glasses, a nice juicy buff guy.
"Hey, that's a target.
Let's get him."
All the time, it happens,
believe me.
JOHN: Can you do a trick for me?
Sure. (MUFFLED)
You wanna hold the mic?
(STREET MUSICIAN SINGING) ♪
JOHN: The only scaffolding
I could find anywhere
was at the new Hard Rock Hotel,
which was being built on
Canal and North Rampart Street.
Compared to what I was used
to seeing in New York,
this scaffolding looked cheap
and haphazardly assembled.
And for the size
of the building,
I couldn't imagine that
it would offer much protection
if something were to fall
from way up above.
I was stunned to see that
the entire side of the building
that faced North Rampart had
no scaffolding set up at all.
And for the first time
in my life,
I found myself wishing for
a little more scaffolding.
I'd heard there was a place
in the French Quarter
that made a cocktail served
in a fishbowl.
So I went looking around for it.
And I ran into a guy
from the convention
who actually bought and sold
scaffolding companies.
And he wanted to talk.
Do you think there's such
a thing as too much scaffolding?
No.
(INDISTINCT CHATTER)
JOHN: Why not?
It's where I make my living.
There can never be too much
scaffolding.
Roll it out.
(DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
JOHN: The whole industry
seemed pretty confident
that scaffolding
was here to stay
and it would continue to grow
like a fungus,
but I couldn't help but think
that it posed its own danger.
I tried going to a bar
to get away from the industry
for a minute,
but even the movie
they had on at the pub
was filled
with cartoon scaffolding.
I even read
a terrifying statistic
that scaffolding failure
was responsible for 80 deaths
annually across the country.
Maybe these people
in the construction industry
weren't as careful
as we thought.
And when I went back
to Bourbon Street,
I saw the same guy from before
wandering around,
half drunk,
without a care in the world
trying to find the right
strip club to go into, like
uh, Goldilocks tasting porridge.
(DRAMATIC MUSIC CONTINUES) ♪
(DRAMATIC MUSIC STOPS) ♪
JOHN: The next morning,
I walked down to the levee
to clear my head.
I guess a levee is kind of
like scaffolding too
and sometimes its failure
could be extremely dangerous
for the people
it's designed to protect.
There was a fisherman
down there,
and I wondered how he felt
about living in a city
that's constantly trying
to kill you.
(BIRDS CHIRPING)
JOHN: I guess sometimes
the beauty of a city
is in its danger.
But you do always have a choice
in how much risk
you wanna take on.
And no one is really forcing you
to live on the edge.
(RELAXING MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
So, I headed home
and it was great to
finally, uh,
be back in New York.
But shortly after I arrived,
I saw some terrible news.
The Hard Rock Hotel that
I had just been filming
down in New Orleans
had just collapsed
and killed three people.
MAN: Oh, my God!
NEWS ANCHOR:
Panic and mass confusion
in the heart of New Orleans.
This morning, the upper floors
of the Hard Rock Hotel,
currently under construction,
suddenly began to crumble.
JOHN: The video was horrifying.
And I couldn't believe
that I had just been standing
right underneath it
just a a few days before.
They had to keep everyone out
of the area for a while,
because the only way to make
the construction site safe again
would be to blow up
the cranes that were dangling
precariously above the street.
But they weren't even sure
how to do that safely.
And the more
I watched the video,
the more I suspected that
no amount of scaffolding
could have prevented
something like this.
(SAD MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
You can waste your entire life
playing it safe.
But the real danger is never
what you expect it to be.
And if you put up too much
scaffolding to protect yourself,
you might just end up
buried underneath it.
But if we try real hard
to take it down,
piece by piece
eventually, one day,
it'll all be gone.
And only then will we know
if it was all for show.
It could be kind of scary
at first
but we may be better off
finding new ways
to protect ourselves from
all the uncertainty in the sky.
-(MUSIC STOPS) ♪
-(BIRD CAWING)
(EXPLOSION BOOMS)
(CAR ALARMS BLARING)
JOHN: This is John Wilson.
Thanks for watching.
(ALARMS CONTINUE)
(UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
(ETHEREAL MUSIC PLAYS) ♪
JOHN WILSON: A good memory is
one of the most attractive
qualities a person can have.
My memory's not very good,
and it's always
made me feel insecure.
(MUSIC CONCLUDES) ♪