Huge in France (2019) s01e02 Episode Script

[GAD.]
What do you think it means? [BRIAN.]
Well, I think it means, "My name is Marco.
" I'm pretty sure.
But you know I have a translator app that I can look that up on.
I mean, what do you think it means like Okay, you talking macro? Marco.
Well, what do we know? It's based on the life story of Marco Perretti.
He was the supermodel from the 90s.
He was the first to take on the whole pay disparity issue.
What is this? Oh, you know that male models make a fraction of what the women make, right? No, how do I know that? Oh.
Yeah, it's a big deal over here.
Obviously.
Fox doesn't make shows about things that aren't [LUKE.]
Dude.
J, stop.
This thing's so cool.
[MOTOR BOATING.]
- Stop.
- It's like a motorboat.
Stop.
Hey.
- It's going to be okay.
- You don't know that.
What if it isn't? We'll take it on together, then.
Look, we have six fucking weeks, J.
This could set us back.
If we have to push the surgery, we can just kiss New York goodbye.
- We don't know that.
- Yeah, we do.
They said I need the pecs, Jason, or I can't walk.
It's that simple.
You got your half, right? Yeah, I got it.
Good cause we have to give them the deposit today.
[NERVOUS LAUGH.]
I got it.
Hi.
All right, let's see what we got here.
How high can you raise your arms for me? That's high enough for me.
Let's see what we got.
Ooh.
That is a lot of swelling.
It's nice down here, but up here is swollen.
What is the date for the surgery? Fourteenth at 8 a.
m.
And when's fashion week? Two weeks after that, so pretty quick.
Yeah, it's gonna be tight.
We're gonna need to push? Is that what we got to do? Yeah, I think so, because what's happening is Because of your swelling, the implants won't have time to settle in - underneath the muscle.
- I fucking knew it, Jason.
No, I fucking knew it! I knew it! - I fucking knew it! - Okay.
Luke! - It fucking sucks! - Luke! - [DOOR SLAMS.]
- I'm really sorry about that.
- We had, you know - Look, we can keep the surgery on the books in case the swelling miraculously goes down, but I will need a deposit.
Okay, here's the old Cap One.
Yeah, just run that bad boy and we get out of here.
It'd be great.
Great.
You guys have a lot of paperclips and stuff.
Oh, man.
[GRUNTING.]
You box at all? - Nope.
- No? - Never.
- It's declined.
Really? That doesn't sound right cause Do you have another card? Yeah.
I have another card.
[HUMMING A TUNE.]
You know what? I actually Sorry.
I actually don't have one on me.
But could you just bill me? No.
I'm sorry.
We need a card.
The best I can do is hold it until tomorrow.
Come on, that's the best you can do? Come on, you can't just hold it a little bit longer? - No.
- J, you paid? What's taking so long? Yeah.
I'm taking care of it.
We got a little hiccup with the machine, here.
I will meet you in the car, bro.
- [BOTH WOMEN.]
It's not the machine.
- J, I don't have the keys.
You know what? Go to the elevator.
I'll meet you at the elevator, man.
- The elevator's not working.
- Take the stairs, man! Take the stairs! Just get down there.
Go to the front, please.
Sir, can you J, I can't find the stairs.
Figure it out, man! Figure it out, Luke.
You got a brain in your head? Figure it out.
Go down the hallway and figure it out.
- Should I call the police? - I'm sorry.
Do you wanna try to call your bank? Here you go.
It's ringing.
[ECHOING.]
Definitely not holding the appointment without payment.
Do you have any form of payment? We will have to call off the surgery.
Someone is going to have to pay.
Sir? [BRIAN.]
Thank God for Fox, right? They're the real heroes, here.
Equal pay for equal work, regardless of gender or race.
You know, I'd throw race in there as well.
Isn't that obvious? Is it? I wasn't sure how you guys felt about that stuff.
About what? Racism? We don't like it.
No.
Great.
Good to know.
Who's this? That's Heather Mangold.
Her dad owns the building.
She's big into personal space.
Okay, you know what? I'm going to go over.
You come up and you ask me for a picture.
And you ask me if you can put it on Instagram, okay? - Oh, I don't know if - Just, just do it.
Hello.
Bonjour.
Bonjour.
C'est Gad.
What? Do I know you? Um Maybe.
Are you the new maintenance guy? No, I'm a comedian, very famous in France.
- Okay, cool - And Hey, you don't have to be disappointed.
What, it's still because of France? There's a lot of people in France.
Hey.
You know, I don't think she heard that last part.
She was already on the other side of the pool.
Thank you, Brian.
I saw that.
I'm here.
Hmm.
Still want me to ask for the pic? So, do you think she was playing a game, like saying no, but she means No, I don't.
No.
It's just not a game anyone's playing anymore.
Not in this town.
So, what if I send her a nice bottle of wine with a note? I would advise against that, strongly.
That could be perceived as stalking.
Maybe even harassment, depending on the judge.
- Yeah.
- Really? [VIV.]
This is where you're staying? [GAD.]
Oh hey, you're here.
So, you rented an apartment at the Tropicanyon? Yes, I told you I'm a I'm a different guy now, you know? I changed.
I don't need the fancy, the whole - I'm much simpler now.
- Uh-huh.
- Yes.
- And who's that? Hi there.
Brian.
Gad's assistant.
You need to go.
You showed up and it's like a bomb went off.
Luke is hurt.
He's flipping out that he's gonna lose out on New York.
- And I have to deal with all of it.
- Okay, so let me help you deal with this.
- Great.
You want to help? - Yeah.
Go back to Paris.
You're a king there, Gad.
Why do you even want to be here, anyway? Because I want to be with my son.
You know, it's never too late.
You know that saying? Too little too late.
Do you know that one? It's legit.
Just please spare him the disappointment.
Sign it and go back to your life.
[GATE RATTLES.]
- It does stick a little.
It just - Yeah.
I can see that.
Here we go.
Okay.
Boom! Fucking door.
Stupid.
Wow.
That really hurt her exit.
Would have been much stronger, "Go back to your life," gate slam, out.
I need to talk to Luca without Jason around.
- Hey James.
- Luke, hi! Oh my God.
Are you okay? - Yeah.
- Are you in pain? - I'll be fine.
- How was Dr.
Barb? Not so great.
She said we're probably going to have to push back the surgery.
- No! - Rawr! - Hey.
- Hi.
Hey.
[LAUGHING.]
Oh! Dude.
I didn't see you there.
I'm sorry.
- Were you there the whole time? - Yeah.
- The whole time.
- My bad, bro.
No, it's all good.
- What's up, man! What's up.
- Be careful, Zene.
His pecs, remember? Dude! I'm so fucking sorry! Does that fuck up New York? We're not sure yet.
- Oh, man.
We were gonna do that together.
- I know.
Well, maybe your dad could do something? Could he call someone? Yeah.
I mean, it'd be worth a shot.
Yeah, try to get you in with a natural chest.
- You would do that? - Yeah.
I can't say it's likely.
You know, they are pretty firm on that kind of stuff.
But I mean, my dad is Randy Hotchkiss, so - Yeah.
- it doesn't hurt to drop that around.
Randy is the best, you'll love him.
Yeah.
But before we get too down on ourselves, dude, I mean, let's not forget Sunglass Hut, dude! It's a killer booking.
That's exactly the kind of thing you should be doing right now.
- It is? - Fuck yeah, it is, dude.
Is it YSL? No.
Gaultier? Of course not.
But I mean, the Hut's a solid portfolio builder.
- I'm really proud of you, Luke.
- Thanks, I mean I God damn.
You are so fucking supportive.
How hot is that? Yeah, it's It's Yeah, it's so hot.
Wow.
Beautiful campus.
Wish I had an opportunity like this.
My parents didn't care if I went to school or not.
- Oh really? - Yeah, they were never around.
I bounced from foster home to foster home.
That's a sad story, Brian.
Yeah.
I was living on the street for a while, too.
There's more story? The car is already Yep.
Okay.
- Name? - Hey, bonjour.
I'm here to see my son.
- C'est Gad.
- Say what? He's the Ray Romano of France.
- Very famous in France.
- He doesn't look famous.
Sir, how does someone look famous? You don't look famous.
Either you are or you're not.
It's just that feeling you get.
You're just not giving it to me.
Sorry.
You're not giving him the famous vibe.
I don't have the famous vibe? When Colin Farrell came to pick up his kid, I had no idea who he was But he He just looks famous.
- Exactly.
- He had the famous vibe? Mhm.
You know, Gad's son goes here.
His name is Luke.
Oh, Luke Alan Ross.
I know you're not aware of this, sir.
But that was a low blow.
Sorry, man.
Go on through.
[GAD.]
Luke Alan Ross.
[BRIAN.]
I kinda like it.
It's got a nice ring to it.
When I grade these papers, that's my free time.
So, when you hand in this shit, it's like saying, Fernanda, I don't give a fuck about your free time.
Oh my God.
[KNOCKING.]
Hello.
Bonjour, c'est Gad.
- Hello.
- [FERNANDA.]
Hi, can I help you? - I am Luca's father.
- Who the fuck is Luca? That's your dad? [FERNANDA.]
Denny.
Language.
Sorry.
Luke.
Is it okay I talk to him? Is it okay if you talk No! It isn't.
[CLASSMATES OOHING AND LAUGHING.]
Luca, I'm sorry I hurt your pec.
It was accident.
It was an accident.
- "An accident"? - "An accident.
" It was an accident.
And I should have never went to the gym.
I didn't clip the thing because I don't know how this works.
We don't work out in France.
You guys work out a lot.
I don't know why.
Because you eat a lot of stuff and then you need to work out.
Then you eat again at night, you work out at day.
You eat, work out, eat, work out I can't believe you're fucking doing this.
Luke.
Language.
He's not even supposed to be here, Fernanda.
Fuck! - Actually, we do have a pass.
- Fuck your pass.
- Who the fuck is that guy? - Denny.
Language.
Luca! That was a weird room.
Luca.
Hey.
Luca! Is everything a joke to you? Maybe that comedy shit works in France, but it doesn't work here.
I'm sorry.
It's a bad habit.
Are you trying to ruin my life? - No.
- You already set back my surgery.
Now you show up in my class and humiliate me like that? Actually, I wanted to talk about the surgery.
- What's to talk about? It's fucked now.
- Maybe that's okay.
Maybe you don't need it.
Maybe I don't need you.
Come on.
Luca, I know you're angry.
Okay, I get it.
I've made some mistake.
Okay.
But come on.
Please.
Can we spend a couple hours, you and me? - It's not happening.
- Just one hour? We can go and have a meal or do something quick, if you want.
Even we can do like you guys do in America.
We hold a coffee and we walk with it.
I would do that with you.
Feels like a good compromise.
One meal, if you get the fuck out of here.
Okay.
Here we are.
Couple of famous chili dogs.
Some napkins.
We'll need those.
Oh yeah.
- I don't know how you guys can eat this.
- You just got to dig in.
I'm not hungry, I'm You're upset, aren't you? That was tough back there.
First, we learned he took Jason's name, middle and last.
No, just last.
Oh, so it's Alan Ross.
I always thought it was Alan Ross.
Either way, still stings.
And then, he yells at you in front of the whole class, rips into you even more Brian.
I know what happened.
I was there.
So, I don't need you to talk me through it and explain again the whole story.
I'm just recapping.
- You know, Spade always liked to recap.
- Okay.
- You're not into recaps? - I guess not.
Okay.
From now on, we'll just we'll just let things happen.
And we won't talk about them afterward.
Brian.
We have to come up with plans for my night with Luca.
Okay, well, what's he into? Okay, we could pull up his Instagram.
You know, maybe it can tell us something.
- I like this.
- Okay.
- There's a lot on this.
- Yeah.
So He likes modeling.
- Yeah.
- Tank tops.
- Tight bathing suits.
- Really? Yeah.
A lot of those.
- Tyson Beckford.
- Who? Tyson Beckford? He's like one of the top supermodels in the world.
Luke is obviously a fan, you know, he's got several posts dedicated to him, tagging him.
Hey, that's it! Voilà! We invite Tyson Bexford to dinner.
We bring Luca.
Surprise.
- No, I don't - Call him.
Gad is in town.
Invite to dinner.
You have him meet us somewhere fun.
That's it.
Yeah, but he's Tyson Beckford.
He could be anywhere in the world.
Hi, guys.
So, it's the Scorpio new moon and I decided to start my day with my own renewing cucumber mint-infused water.
Link in my bio.
- Because EXhale is all about releasing - Babe? - Oh my God.
- Sorry to interrupt.
Can I steal you for a sec? - Jason.
- Sorry.
I am in the middle of an Instagram story.
I know.
I'm sorry.
Are you saying sorry to just me, or also to Le'von? Um Both? - Sorry, Le'von.
- It's okay.
- Yeah.
It was our best take, but - Fuck.
I'm sorry.
It's really important.
More important than this? - Well - Think about what you're saying, before you say it.
Hi.
Yeah, I understand you represent Tyson Beckford? Nope.
It's actually "Gad.
" G-A-D He's a comedian.
What kind of stuff have you done, again? I mean, is it only in France? They're asking.
Yeah, I think it's only in France.
Would you give him a message? Yeah, Gad would love for him to come to dinner tonight.
And you don't even want to ask Mr.
Beckford? He's busy all day in underwear signing.
Got it.
Well, if his schedule [CALL ENDS.]
Yeah.
They hung up.
I guess the name didn't give us the pull we thought it would.
Brian, this is harder than I thought.
Not being famous? Yeah.
It's a shame, too, cause, you know, in this town, it's everything.
It's like a currency.
So, wait.
He signs underwears? For his new line.
Yeah.
But if I had to bet, he probably just signs the box.
Not the actual underwear.
What would you have to bet? I wouldn't.
I mean, it's just a figure of speech.
- Are you thinking of crashing this thing? - What? - I like it.
- What? Yeah? No? Okay, hold on.
Bingo.
Who is TJ Maxx? And what's it for? I can't say.
You just have to trust me.
Look, I'll pay you right back.
It's bridge money.
I have I have residuals coming in from Fringe.
It's for the implants, isn't it? They need the deposit by tomorrow.
Jason, I told you I feel very strongly about this.
He cannot just be handed implants.
He needs to learn responsibility.
I agree.
- Okay.
- He has his half of the money.
- This would be for my my half.
- Wait, he has his and you don't? Come on, Jason.
He is 15.
What's that supposed to mean? I gave up my career, so I could watch him while you built EXhale.
- You remember that.
- And that's exactly why I give you the allowance.
It's not my fault that you've burned through it so quickly.
Maybe it's not enough, babe.
You ever think about that? I mean I've got the gym, I've got my truck, my cell phone plan, which I've already downgraded.
I mean, excuse me for not having extra cash laying around for implants! - What? - I'm going to go back to work now.
I'm going to let you figure this out.
Okay.
But don't take all day with it.
We need to have sex later.
Really? It's one of our days? Yeah.
I told you the next three days we're on.
Wait, you haven't been jerking off, have you? What? No.
Okay, good.
Because we need what? Yeah.
- You gotta say it.
- [MUMBLING.]
- Every last drop.
- Every last drop.
Okay.
Yeah.
This is going to be great.
A lot of the guys who come in here don't look like you, - if you know what I mean.
- Thanks.
All right, when's the last time you nutted? Uh this morning.
And how big of a load was it? Normal size, I guess.
Sweet.
Were you alone? Was it sex? Are you in a relationship or Yeah.
Why, is this on the Everything I'm asking is.
Yeah.
We like to know, cause during this process we ask that you refrain from busting extraneous nuts.
- Right.
- Is that gonna be okay with your partner? - Yeah.
That shouldn't be a problem.
- Great.
[TYPING AND COMPUTER BEEPING.]
Um How much, you think, I can get? With your height and your skin tone, and just the whole thing you're working with I think we can get you top dollar, probably like 250 a nut.
- 250? - Might even be able to get you 275.
Wow.
That's incredible news.
Okay.
Great.
Yeah.
I'd love to get started.
Maybe give you a bunch right now? I wish.
It actually doesn't work like that.
We need to parse them out.
Potency purposes.
Really? That's That's not going to work for me.
Is there any way you can give me an advance? Maybe I sign a contract guaranteeing you 20, get paid now for 10.
Hmm.
That's not something we normally do.
All right, listen man.
I'm really in between it right now.
- I'm going to be honest.
- All right.
My girlfriend's kid needs a pec implant.
Okay.
Otherwise, he's not going to walk in Fashion Week in New York.
Okay? Is there any way? Any way you would consider making an exception just this once? All right, here's what I can do.
I'll advance you a 10.
You pop off two now.
Open door policy.
Give me the other eight over the next few weeks.
Thank you dude.
Done! Whew! Thank you.
What's the open door policy? Just the door to the room stays open during the collection process and anyone who works here can pop in, hangout, whatever.
Are there a lot of people that work here? No.
Just me.
All right, we just got to figure out where he's at.
Should be a pretty big You were right.
He's signing the boxes.
Yeah.
Saw that coming.
We do a bunch of these.
Bunch of underwears? Nine times out of ten, they're signing the box.
It's like There he is.
In the men's department.
- We should wait in line, come on.
- Brian.
- Yeah? - You don't understand.
Gad doesn't wait in lines.
He's a really famous supermodel.
- Yeah, I know from experience, he's - It's okay.
Let me do it.
Hey, Tyson.
- Hello.
Tyson.
- Hey, sir.
- There's a line.
- He doesn't wait in lines.
- Tyson? - Who is this guy? C'est Gad.
From France.
Come on, line's back here, dude.
The Ray Romano of France.
The who? Ray Romano, the star of Everybody Loving Raymond.
They call you that? Why? It's a long story.
I I used to be the Jerry Seinfeld of France, and I had to change it.
Sorry, man.
I've never heard of you.
Give me one second.
I'll show you a video and you'll see Whoa! He doesn't have a second.
He doesn't watch people's videos, okay? Whoa whoa! Guys.
Let him speak.
Thank you.
My son is a model and he looks up to you.
Like he's very impressed and you inspire him a lot.
And I would like to invite you to dinner with him and me and you talk to him.
You meet him, just take him through the ropes Why would I do that? - As a favor to Gad.
- And that's you? You're calling yourself Gad? Yeah.
I can't go to dinner with everybody and their fucking son.
It's a business, bro.
I got appearance fees.
How much? 25K.
Okay.
Okay? Brian, you organize with Mr.
Tyson.
25K? That's 20 25K.
[GRUNTING.]
- [DUMBBELLS THUD.]
- Damn it! You slam the weights again? We were rolling in the other room.
[LE'VON.]
Tell him it was our best take! [SIGHS.]
Oh [LUKE HUFFS.]
You know, I always knew that when your father showed up you would be angry.
But maybe fuck it, use it as fuel? Yeah.
Yeah, fuck it, use it as fuel.
Should I post that? "Fuck it, use it as fuel"? Or is it a cookbook? [CELL PHONE RINGS.]
You go back to Doctor Barb and give them another card? No, I didn't want to put it on my debit, but I got an extension.
Told them I'm gonna get them a cashier's check tomorrow.
You sure? Yeah.
What'd you think? Big J was gonna let you down? He got it? He did something weird.
Mom thinks you did something weird.
- Just tell her I didn't do anything weird.
- Well, then how did he get it? It doesn't matter.
Okay? Just listen to me.
I'm going to pick you up.
We're going to stop at Stan's.
Get some vitamin E oil.
Then we're going to hit the gym.
I'm going to rub you down, ice and heat.
We're going to attack that swelling, head on.
- Hey, you have dinner - Shh! Listen, man, I regretted not getting implants every day for the last 20 years.
I am not going to let you make the same mistake.
You are getting that surgery and then we are going to New York.
And you are going to show the world that perfect fucking chest of yours, okay? Okay, dog? I'll be ready in five.
Luke, what about your dad? I just got off the phone with him.
He should be here any minute.
Don't matter to me.
I'm here for another 56 minutes, either way.
You already started the clock? The moment the valet took my keys, my man.
That's the agreement.
That's a good system, I like it.
Being famous, got to keep your shit tight.
I can only imagine.
Yo! It's Luke Alan Ross.
At the gym with my boy, Big J.
Yeah.
Work the pecs in.
Ready for New York, baby.
New York City.
- [LUKE.]
Fashion Week.
- [JASON.]
Look at that pec, huh? - [LUKE.]
Big Apple, we're comin' for you! - [JASON.]
Look at that pec.
You still want to finish out the hour? If we finish now, can I get some of the fee back? Isn't this pathetic enough? [SOMBER MUSIC PLAYING.]
[AUDIENCE CLAPPING.]
[CHRIS D'ELIA.]
Look, what I'm trying to say is different dicks look different depending on what area you're from in the world.
Right? Like me.
I'm from LA.
So, I have an LA dick.
It's very tan.
It eats a lot of quinoa.
You know.
Where are you from? New York? You got a New York dick, right.
It's grimy, smells like piss a lot.
[AUDIENCE LAUGHS.]
I feel like you know that about yourself too, sir.
- How about you? Where are you from? - Winnipeg.
Okay, that's in Canada.
So, Canada.
So, your dick, very polite.
It probably says sorry a lot, right? How about you? My man, where are you from? - Me? - Yeah, where are you from? Uh I'm from France.
Okay.
Well, you know what they say French dicks look like? - You! - [AUDIENCE ROARS WITH LAUGHTER.]