If I Were Luisa Sonza (2023) s01e02 Episode Script

1
[string instrument plays high note]
Dude, sometimes to ease the tension,
I'd picture myself jumping off a building.
Like, many times.
- [Dan] Awful.
- Pretty often.
It's always the same thing.
I like to go to the top of the building,
which is flat.
Then I run, I run, I run.
I even pick up speed
in order to jump, you know?
So, we talk about it.
- We talk about, like
- [Aísha] Yes.
Not to end your life, to end the pain.
You wish that the wound would go away,
that the person who cheated on you hadn't.
And when you can't feel,
can't see a way out,
- then the brain goes to different places.
- [Dan] You picture scenarios.
It's a matter of taking responsibility
for yourself and for your feelings.
And above all, I think
the most important step is to face them.
Face your shadow.
I AM MY OWN WORST HATER
[guitar playing gentle melody]
[Brazilian music playing]
DECEMBER 2022- CREW PARTY
[Flávio] The Carnival muse!
She's been a muse. She has spoken.
- Our muse! Our muse!
- [guests] Our muse!
I'm only dancing
to "Na Boquinha da Garrafa".
Otherwise, I won't dance.
[guests cheering]
[man] Ladies and gentlemen,
please welcome Luísa Sonza!
[guests cheering]
[band playing "Na Boquinha da Garrafa"]
[music continues]
[Luísa] Well, I kicked this off.
Now, it's your turn to dance
and call up the others.
Dance and call up the next one.
- You can't run, tech team! Luciano!
- [guests cheering]
Don't run! I didn't think I'd tear up
when I looked at your little faces.
- Fuck!
- [people cheering]
[Luísa] And I know
how important each one of you are.
Seeing our party here,
and how well we get along,
how we really are a family.
And how we had to be
away from our families.
It's really good to see
how we've become a family,
that everyone treats each other
the same way.
Everyone curses at me,
talks trash about me.
[guests laughing]
[man] Slut! Whore! Gold digger!
I'm just doing my job,
putting up with this bullshit.
That's that.
You're all a part of Luísa Sonza.
Yes.
I'm fucking nothing without you all.
Thank you for your effort.
- And sorry about all my swearing.
- [guests laughing]
I swear when I'm stressed out.
I fucking love you, for real.
Yes. You are the best crew in Brazil,
and I'm not just saying it
because you're my crew.
You're the best. Thank you for everything.
[guests cheering]
And for choosing For choosing
For choosing to be with me every day,
because I know it's a choice.
You've chosen to be here,
you didn't have to be here.
You've chosen to be here.
Thank you for real.
[cheering and applause]
["Flores" playing]
SEPTEMBER 2020- LUÍSA AND VITÃO
ANNOUNCE THEIR RELATIONSHIP
[music volume decreases]
[woman] After all the rumors, Luísa Sonza
announced she was dating Vitão.
[woman 2] Luísa Sonza finds herself
involved with yet another mess.
[man] Luísa Sonza,
with a slightly controversial music clip
SHE USED WHINDERSSON
left the internet in a frenzy.
[woman 3] She makes a sexy clip
after getting divorced.
When you decide to post on social media,
you're choosing to let people judge you.
These are choices you make.
LUÍSA'S CAREER IS OVER
[man 2]
I met Luísa when she was very young,
but we were never friends.
I liked Whindersson.
We used to hang out at his place,
and it was always a lot of fun.
I noticed some of her actions
DON'T MESS WITH WINDERSSON
and I would say,
"No, that's not right. That's not okay."
The way she treats him,
for instance, is not okay.
So, that resentment was created.
Right after her divorce,
that's when I realized
ARTISTIC COORDINATOR
that the harassment wasn't as simple
as I thought it was, you know?
It's not like when an artist posts
a picture and people complain.
I realized that people kind of chose Luísa
as their internet punching bag.
The attacks have never been aimed
at things I had actually done.
It's always been made-up things.
So, I concluded
that it doesn't matter what I say here.
To me, I don't care
what you all think of me.
I don't care if you think of me
this way or that way.
Doce 22 was born
from all that.
[singing "INTERE$$EIRA"]
MAY 2021- DOCE 22 RECORDING SESSIONS
[Doug] This was born
from some talks we had.
"Don't speak out.
Stay quiet. Answer with music."
So she kept quiet about it.
When people got to listen to the album,
it was all in there.
They call me a whore,
I have to call them names too!
[singing "Fugitivos"]
["Fugitivos" starts playing]
[Doug] We had plenty of time,
we were all in quarantine at her house.
It was a kickass experience.
All these friends working together
to make a record.
Working for the same goal.
[music continues]
[Lucas] We were working hard,
and we isolated ourselves
in our little Doce 22 world,
where we did what we like most:
creating stories.
- [instrumental music playing]
- [shutter clicking]
[Flávio] Working on the concept
of Doce 22,
we studied a lot of pop music classics.
Pop music from the 2000's.
As the album was taking shape,
and we came up with its B-sides,
we thought, "Dude, hang on,
it isn't such a cheerful album after all."
So, our idea was to combine
the glamour of pop music
with its decadent side.
And the album is called Doce 22
CREATIVE DIRECTOR
because it's about the year
she turned 22.
In that year,
she gained a lot of notoriety.
Her professional life was great,
but her personal life
was in really bad shape.
She got divorced,
she started dating Vitor,
and she got backlash for it all.
[Lucas]
Luísa was bashed online for a year
because people thought
she'd cheated on Whindersson,
and he never said a word.
Then, very late one night,
she got pissed off and replied to a tweet.
[dramatic music playing]
FUCK YOU. I NEVER CHEATED ON ANYONE.
I NEVER EVEN LEFT ANYONE.
PEOPLE MADE UP A PLOT.
[Lucas] That night, specifically,
people decided to believe her,
and went to Whindersson for answers.
Then Whindersson posted something like,
"I don't read these things online,
I didn't know she was being harassed."
"No one got cheated on. Please stop it."
Now, the internet started
to harass Whindersson.
A week later, Whindersson's wife
had her premature baby.
- A few weeks.
- A week or so.
Then the internet turned
against Luísa once again,
saying that Luísa had
come up with this plan
to piss off Whindersson and his girl,
who freaked out and had her baby early.
WHINDERSSON AND MARIA LINA'S
PREMATURE BABY DIES
WHINDERSSON AND MARIA LINA'S SON DIES
YOU KILLED WHINDERSSON'S SON
YOU HAVE A FILTHY SOUL
[Lucas]
"Murderer" was the first trending topic,
followed by "Luísa" and "Whindersson".
LUISA IS A WITCH.
YOU KILLED WHINDERSSON'S SON!
My God. For God's sake. Stop with that.
Stop it.
[sobbing]
We can't take it anymore, people.
We can't take it anymore.
- [music continues]
- [crying, sobbing]
For the love of God!
For the love of God, stop with that.
- Hate's effect?
- [music fades]
I don't know how to answer that.
I'm not sure yet what the effects are,
I don't know how to handle a lot of stuff.
Maybe I'll never know, I'm not sure.
It's really hard to look at these things.
It's even hard to admit
that people affect you this much.
Her parents had their phones hacked.
FORMER PERSONAL ASSISTAN
They had to change their number.
She did as well.
They got doxed.
People said they'd kill them.
They threatened Sofia.
To kill a kid. Her sister.
MY BOYS WILL KILL ALL YOUR FAMILY,
YOU BITCH
YOU WILL PAY FOR YOUR EX'S SON'S DEATH
YOU FUCKING BITCH
[man] You'll pay for it,
you hear me, you fucking bitch?
Whindersson's son died because of you.
We'll eat up all your family.
We'll dissect you, burn you, you bitch.
Your life will become a living hell.
[man 4] They'd send her pictures
of dead women on her phone, her DM's.
That's how bad the threats got.
ARTISTIC DIRECTOR
They'd say: "If you ever set foot
in my state, you die."
Whindersson's crew got in touch with us
and told us that Whindersson was getting
tons of messages
saying they'd kill Luísa to avenge him.
We had to get her out of here.
We were all set to go.
The streaming platforms were ready.
But we pulled the plug on everything.
We put the record on hold.
Then she went to Mexico
for something like 15 days.
But you can't, like,
get your head on straight
in a fortnight in Mexico, you know?
IN JULY 2021, AFTER A ONE-MONTH DELAY,
LUÍSA RELEASES DOCE 22
["VIP" playing]
LUÍSA SONZA'S NEW ALBUM
BREAKS RECORD ON SPOTIFY
[music continues]
LUÍSA SONZA CELEBRATES ONE BILLION STREAMS
"IT CHANGES EVERYTHING"
- [music stops]
- [André] That was
the start of a huge shift.
TV wanted her. Everyone wanted her.
All the songs were well-received.
It was a response to the media
and to the music industry.
It was her response to everything.
- [cashier register dings]
- ["VIP" resumes playing]
POLEMIC: LUISA SONZA CROSSES THE LINE
[music stops]
[announcer] Check out this girl.
She believes she's an artist,
she thinks she's a singer.
["VIP" resumes playing]
Doce 22 was a turning point
in Luísa's career.
ROCK IN RIO ARTISTIC VP
But I think that happened
because it's an honest record.
It's a record that shows her guts.
You think:
"Isn't she afraid to expose herself?"
Right from the beginning,
she'd listen to the premade songs.
CEO OF MUSIC2MYND
We'd have meetings
with the music producer and he'd say,
"I have these songs for you."
And she'd say: "No way."
"I want my songs to tell stories."
So for Doce 22, she said,
"I want to tell my story."
She took the sentimentality
of Brazilian country music
and brought it to pop.
[water spilling]
["Better Off Alone" playing]
[Doug] I'll tell you how
"Melhor sozinha" came about.
She rented a badass house in Ilhabela.
It was a Saturday, or a Friday,
at the end of the afternoon,
the sun was down and I told her,
"Let's get to work."
And she said, "What?" She scolded me.
"Fuck it, you came down here to the beach,
with a pool, the sun, and want to work?"
"You want to lock yourself
in a room to write music?"
I kept my head down.
I went upstairs. Later on, she came up.
"What are you up to?"
I was so pissed, so I said, "Nothing!"
"Stop with the drama and let me hear it."
I hit play.
Then she started in,
"It's dope, let's do it."
Dude, it was around nine o'clock.
We stayed up until three. Three, four a.m.
Then we came back to São Paulo,
worked on the track,
on the accordion part.
It reminded us so much of Marília.
And the song started to take shape.
["Melhor sozinha"
playing through the speakers]
Damn.
[Doug] She sent a text to Marília,
"I have something to show you."
She tried to send it to her manager.
I talked to people,
trying to get the message to her.
Eventually, we were informed
that Marília wouldn't record the track.
We were like, "Sure, it's cool.
If she doesn't want to do it, it's fine."
Then Luisa didn't want
to release the track.
I told her,
"But the song means 'better off alone'."
"Because Marília wouldn't record it,
you won't release it?"
"You're better off alone, life goes on."
The day after the album was released,
Marília posted a video of herself
singing "Melhor sozinha".
The whole song.
[singing "Melhor sozinha"]
[Doug] "Oh, my God,
it makes no sense at all!"
Luísa showed me their texts
where she'd sent her the song,
"Marília, listen to this, please.
This song is so you."
Then Marília texted back,
"Let's pretend this never happened.
Let's start over."
"Hi, girlfriend!"
"This song is beautiful.
Wanna do a collab?"
["Melhor sozinha" playing]
- [music stops]
- [audience and Luísa singing]
- [music resumes]
- [singing continues]
IN AUGUST 2021, LUÍSA AND MARÍLIA ME
AND RECORDED "MELHOR SOZINHA".
THREE MONTHS LATER,
MARÍLIA TRAGICALLY DIED IN A PLANE CRASH.
[Luísa, in Portuguese]
This great friend once told me
[piano playing]
that a love shared between two people
is not a need.
It's a choice.
There's something else she said,
which means a lot to us, women.
It goes like this,
"I like you"
[audience replies] "But I don't need you."
[audience cheering]
[in English] Then the story that the TV
and magazines wanted to do was:
the girl who was harassed online,
who had to leave the country,
fixed herself, fixed her head,
and came back
- And she's doing great.
- with a smashing album.
This fairy tale
like the plot of a soap opera.
I'll never forget when she got back
and we asked, "Are you fine?"
She said,
"I'm not fine at all. I'm all fucked up."
"I shouldn't have come back.
My mind isn't in a great place."
"I had to come back."
AUGUST 2021:
LUÍSA AND VITÃO BREAK UP AFTER ONE YEAR
[Luísa] My relationship with Vitor
was very complicated.
Because I saw someone being harassed
for dating me.
And more than that, that's when I started
to feel extremely guilty.
Once again.
It was like I was the problem.
[string instrument plays high note]
I'd look in the mirror and yell at myself.
I'd say, "Just do it,
you fucking idiot. You bitch."
"Just do it." You know?
I was too hard on myself.
I was too hard on myself, sometimes.
I'm my own worst hater.
I was definitely my worst hater.
[melancholic music playing]
[Luísa] I hear all the time,
"Wow, you're so strong."
Dude, I think I'm so fragile.
I'm the person who can't handle things,
because I feel them so intensely,
everything hurts so bad, I hurt so bad.
No one can live like that, right?
Music is a way for me to endure
my being this weak.
Because when I use music to unload,
my suffering isn't in vain, it becomes
"Penhasco", it becomes lyrics to a song.
So music, it
Music keeps me going.
It keeps me alive.
It allows me to feel
the things I feel so intensely.
- ["Outra Vez" playing]
- [Luísa singing alone]
I'm sad.
- [singing, laughing]
- [laughs]
- You laugh to keep from crying.
- Uh-huh.
- You always do that.
- I always do that. Dude!
[sings, laughs]
[Lucas] Oh, my God.
I always feel bad when I hear this.
- [laughing]
- [Lucas] No.
[clears throat]
Well, I'm done with cheerful songs.
I don't know to what extent
I can just do the sad things,
the things I want to do.
We're gonna have to discuss that.
I don't know. I'm not in the mood.
All the songs we've created so far
are pretty depressing. [laughs]
Well
[Zé Ricardo]
When a new artist breaks through,
I like to watch them from afar.
They were always trying to schedule
a meeting with Luísa and me.
I was really impressed, you know?
By how mature, back then,
she was for a 23-year-old girl.
So we met and talked
and I started to ask her
about her music videos.
There was this scene in the video
for one of her songs, "Penhasco".
One of the music videos that she made.
And I recognized one of the scenes,
but I couldn't remember where from.
I asked, "That scene, from 'Penhasco'"
She said, "That was an homage
to the last interview
with Clarice Lispector."
I thought, "Wow, a 23-year-old girl
who knows these things?"
At that moment, we hit it off,
artistically speaking.
Because I always try to find artists
who really like to interact
with their audience,
and not only sell tickets.
I wanna know what they think
and who they are.
[interviewer] Could you give us an idea
of what writing was like
for the teenage Clarice Lispector?
[Clarice] Chaotic.
Intense.
Completely disconnected from reality.
I know there's a market
and we can't ignore the market.
But there comes a point when,
if I can reach as many people,
why not use this to do something other
than just to make shitloads of money?
Otherwise I'll never leave
my comfort zone.
Comfort zone sucks.
[Lucas] The only ones
that have managed to escape
"Now every song has to be usable
for TikTok dances."
Fuck that. Fuck that shit.
Let's do something different.
I'm not gonna do everything
that people tell me to do
just to make numbers increase
or something.
And, like, what's success anyway?
I still want to be a mainstream artist,
but I don't want to be in a random bubble
where I can't reach
the people and the audience.
But I also don't want to
keep on repeating one formula
because it works.
Follow the way it works
and just that, you know?
She is the voice of a whole generation,
not only her generation.
Because she's speaking
from her time to the future.
She's setting the stage for
women to be free.
And I think this is extremely important,
from a curator standpoint.
Once I met her,
I knew I'd invite her.
- [Brazilian funk instrumental playing]
- [audience cheering]
SEPTEMBER 2022, THE CONCERT AT ROCK IN RIO
[audience cheering]
- [girl] Luísa!
- [girl 2] Luísa!
[cheering]
[singing "Penhasco"]
[cheering]
- She's awesome.
- [laughs]
[audience cheering]
I don't know. I'm anxious.
I'm happy. I want to cry a little.
The pop artist
is probably one of the coolest things
ever invented.
Well, let's face it.
We're some of the greatest rock stars
that ever walked the Earth.
Anitta is a kick-ass rock star, you know.
Ludmilla is a great rock star.
Fuck. Pablo Vittar is a crazy rock star.
There's nothing crazier and more insane
than making pop music.
Pop music is always questioning.
The clothes you wear,
the songs you sing,
the instruments you play,
the concerts you give.
It also involves your personal life.
It's elegant, it's fancy,
it's eccentric, it's popular.
Pop is contradictory.
And being contradictory
is really appealing.
- ["Intere$$seira playing]
- [audience cheering]
[audience cheering]
[music stops]
[music resumes playing]
[Luísa and audience
singing "Intere$$eira"]
I'm here with Luísa Sonza,
nominated for best pop album.
[music continues]
LUÍSA I LOVE YOU 22 THOUSAND TIMES
[music continues]
[crying]
[Lucas] Cry now,
'cause after makeup, you can't.
Cry now.
[music continues]
[music ends]
[audience cheering]
[Luísa] Am I pretty up close?
- What? No, right?
- [man] You're pretty.
- I look tired.
- [man] I don't know. You look
I feel like my face it's a little
It's pretty.
But it looks tired, you know? [chuckles]
My face needs to take a break from
from Luísa Sonza.
No singing, no concerts, no makeup,
to get back my natural beauty.
But no, the bitch has to work her ass off.
When people say I'm ugly,
it'll affect my self-esteem.
Of course I'm ugly.
I have dark circles under my eyes.
My eyelids are droopy, they're droopy.
So I need more makeup,
which makes me uglier,
and it ruins my skin.
- My skin gets all screwed up.
- The hair?
Hair? I've given up on it.
Dude, I chipped my tooth at the concert.
But you can't see.
[woman] Let me see from the front.
- I chipped my tooth.
- You can't see.
[electronic music playing]
[woman] The bags are falling apart.
Girl, if we're falling apart,
what did you expect from the bags?
[woman 2] That's reality.
- That's the real making of.
- [chattering in the background]
- [woman 2] Right? [laughing]
- [man] Yeah.
Oh, my God.
I couldn't sleep on the bus.
This hurts my voice big time.
And Blacy is here.
[Blacy] Hello.
She'll help.
With my voice.
But I'm gonna be lying down.
I don't want to go through this anymore.
I'm so sad, I'm so tired.
I'm so tired of being sad.
[sobbing]
[sobbing] I'm so tired of being sad!
- [crying]
- [chattering on the TV]
I lost my will to live, man, like
I want to disappear
from the face of the Earth.
[sighs, sniffles]
Like, seriously.
I just wanna stop. Just stop, dude.
I wanna stop. Do you know what I mean?
Just stop.
Stop trying and shut up.
It's just too much.
[Flávio] Ever since I met Luísa,
I've been worried about her.
From day one, you could tell
she wasn't okay.
[engine rumbling]
[indistinct chatter]
[producer] How much Rivotril do you take?
It depends. [chuckles]
- [person laughs]
- I only take three.
I can't take more.
[exhales deeply]
[string instrument plays low note]
APRIL 2023, END OF "DOCE 22" TOUR
RIO GRANDE DO SUL
[door closes]
The last one.
[Flávio] At the same time, she
sets her limits at a very high level.
So, the thing is,
we never really know how far she can push.
Even she doesn't know how far.
- [audience chanting] Luísa! Luísa!
- [shutter clicking]
I'm so hoarse.
I don't think I can reach the high notes.
[man] I can do it, Lu. I'll amplify you.
Five, four, three, two, one.
[distorted sounds in slow motion]
[audience cheering]
[Luísa] Picture this.
The thing you love the most in life
ends up being the thing you hate the most.
And it's demanding,
it's tiring, it's exhausting.
It makes you feel
down and depressed.
Your life turns upside down, you know?
[slow motion sounds continue]
It was insane.
Like having five, no,
seven concerts in five days.
Three concerts in one day.
And in different states.
The adrenaline rush
of a concert is so high.
After that, you can't just go
to the hotel and sleep, that's impossible.
I couldn't go back
to my routine during the week
so I couldn't sleep either
when there were no shows.
"You only perform Thursday,
Friday, Saturday, and Sunday."
You can't sleep on Sunday,
you can't sleep on Monday.
By Thursday, you start recovering,
it's time for the next show.
And I work on the other days, too.
[somber music playing]
[footsteps approaching]
- [knocking]
- [Eliane] Lu?
Lu?
[music continues]
- [Eliane] You want it?
- [in hoarse voice] I don't know.
- There were times when I
- [Eliane] Fill this up.
worked non-stop,
not on concerts, but on ads.
I worked on two ads
for 24 hours with no sleep.
I wrapped one at three a.m.
and headed straight to the next.
MOM
Now you get why artists go crazy?
I knew that, rationally.
But you end up realizing
[squeals]
that's the price we pay.
[Eliane] Good morning.
[chattering in the background]
Good morning.
Thanks.
[producer]
When did you find out you had ulcers?
[Luísa] I found out on New Year's.
I had an awful, terrible pain in my chest.
[chattering in the background]
There's an ulcer on my esophagus too.
That's when
I went to the doctor.
I thought it was a heart attack.
The pain was here,
and it was spreading to my arm.
The pain was here in my belly,
in my stomach.
The pain was everywhere, so I thought,
"I'm dying."
I had an endoscopy.
The doctor said,
"You not only have one ulcer, but four."
One that's that's larger, a huge one.
And three small ones.
But it's all good. Just four.
I'm also upset
because I got hoarse at camp.
Man, without my voice, I have nothing.
[somber music playing]
It's sad, right?
This lifestyle doesn't actually fulfill
our real needs
MUSICIAN
biologically speaking.
Your hormones get all messed up.
You get stimulated a lot.
At one moment, you're at a concert
with thousands of people.
The next, you're all alone in your room.
I'd drink alcohol and energy drinks,
then I'd take Rivotril.
I'd take seven medications
because deep down, I was trying to end it.
I was trying to destroy myself.
[somber music continues]
[Gabriel] As weird as it may seem,
despite all the bashing,
the thing that affected her the most
was the touring.
Everything about it.
That was hard on her.
There was a lot going on,
she's been through a lot.
And it's almost impossible
to absorb and process all of that.
But going through that crazy routine,
no sleep, suddenly
[blows]
The consequence was
She came crashing down.
I was scared to fall asleep,
because of the nightmares.
So when I had to sleep,
I'd take a lot of sleeping pills.
High doses of Rivotril, Patz.
But I was afraid, so I'd be like this.
And then, it all came crashing down.
I had some lucid dreams.
I saw things going on in my room,
and there was nothing there.
I wasn't awake,
but I wasn't sleeping either.
I think she was experiencing
some paranoia, you know?
She was afraid of harmless things.
Afraid of harmless people, too.
During a massage,
something in my mind said,
"This person is gonna kill me."
"I have my back to them,
I can't see things, I'm in danger."
"They're gonna get a knife and stab me."
I started creating whole plots in my mind.
I had panic attacks.
"Someone very close to me,
who likes me a lot, will kill me."
It took me a while to tell people about it
because I thought I was going crazy.
["Penhasco 2" playing]
[music stops]
[Luísa]
What's the loneliest moment for me?
When I face myself.
When I look in the mirror
and say, "It's your turn, Luísa."
When I have to look at my mistakes,
at things I did right,
when I have to look at
my responsibility towards myself.
It's tough, dude.
- It's tough.
- [silence]
IN 2018, WHILE SINGING AT A HOTEL
IN FERNANDO DE NORONHA,
LUÍSA ASKED A BLACK WOMAN FOR WATER.
TWO YEARS LATER, AS A RESULT,
SHE WAS SUED FOR MORAL DAMAGES
AND REACHED A SETTLEMENT AGREEMENT.
IN 2022, THE CASE RESURFACED IN THE MEDIA
AND ON SOCIAL NETWORKS.
In 2018, I was
in Fernando de Noronha.
At a restaurant.
They asked me to sing there
while I was having dinner
with several people.
I was just having dinner,
I wasn't there for anything else.
So at a certain point, some folks said,
"Oh, she sings, she sings."
I wasn't famous yet,
like the way I am today or
[grunts]
So popular.
But then they said, "Oh, sing, sing."
They asked me to sing.
My God, this is
I was 20 years old?
Nineteen?
I think I was still 19.
Nineteen or twenty.
And then I started singing.
I put together some songs on the spot.
"Oh, what song do you sing?"
Anyway [sighs]
There was a guy playing the guitar,
I was singing.
I sang some songs,
and while I was singing
It was like a stage, sort of.
Not really a stage, it was a restaurant,
so there was a little area
where we were singing in front.
I was up front,
and everyone was recording me, like that.
And then, at a certain moment,
while I was singing
Well
I got thirsty, turned around,
and asked for a glass of water.
I turned around
and continued singing, you know.
Well
It was a mistake for me to do that.
And this was in 2018.
And
after that
no one said anything to me then, no one
made any comments.
Two years later,
by the time I was getting divorced,
I was sued for moral damages.
[grunts]
For asking
for that water from a Black woman.
And I'm not here to
I don't think I'm here to justify myself.
I didn't know
if I was going to talk about this
because I think
I've already explained myself
and apologized to those who I needed to.
And I've done what
I needed to do, in fact,
to not be labeled racist,
to make amends as much as I could,
and take responsibility for my actions
and correct my actions.
Well,
I learned many things.
I read a lot, became more aware,
in the sense of
well,
becoming active and fighting racism,
understanding my responsibility
as a white person,
and seeking to invest
in causes that fight racism.
I opened a restaurant.
Well, I invest in many projects.
I incorporate all this into my life.
And I don't promote it
because I think that
Not that I don't promote,
the restaurant is open.
But I always try to be
as fair as possible in this place.
I've learned
to be more fair in this place.
I confess that, at some point,
it took me a while to understand this.
Because I'm a privileged, white person,
and I'm subject to this crappy,
messed-up structure that
that it is.
This structure
we're all aware exists.
And anyway.
This is what I can do, I think that
I can't say much about it either
because it involves another person, and
There was even a question of whether
I should talk about it or not.
I don't want to delve into it because
I think it's a very delicate subject,
and I don't want to be impolite.
But I also don't want to come here
and be
trying to
convince people of something,
and it's not about that.
It's about admitting the mistake,
understanding,
being aware of this mistake,
and making
white people who don't take this seriously
take it seriously.
I regret that a lot.
I think it's definitely one
of the worst episodes of my life.
And, no, obviously it wasn't intentional.
And it would never be intentional,
but we're trapped
in a very problematic structure
that we have to fight.
And do our utmost
to ensure that this is rectified
and improves.
And for that,
we also have to look at ourselves,
see what we have done wrong
and not just what the other person
has done wrong.
And, well,
that's it.
[somber music resumes playing]
IF I WERE LUÍSA SONZA
IF YOU OR SOMEONE YOU KNOW
IS GOING THROUGH MENTAL HEALTH ISSUES,
INFORMATION AND RESOURCES ARE AVAILABLE A
WWW.WANNATALKABOUTIT.COM/BR.
[music continues]
[music ends]