Jack Whitehall: Fatherhood with My Father (2024) s01e02 Episode Script

1
- Hi.
- Hello.
So, you're a dad.
Yes.
Your life changes overnight.
I mean, one minute your biggest worry
is whether or not to take Kevin De Bruyne
out of your Fantasy team,
and then the next thing you know,
your sole purpose is
to care for and nurture
this fragile, bewildering little miracle.
We've gone for the name Elsie,
old-fashioned.
We nearly went with Pebble, but,
at the last minute, we pivoted to Elsie.
Roxy has done amazingly well.
I couldn't love her more.
She is such a natural mother.
Is Jack a natural father?
Well, he will be,
'cause he's got a master of the craft
to point him in the right direction.
Me.
I look at how quickly technology
has moved in the last decade.
Imagine what is gonna happen
in the next ten years.
Like, what's the world
gonna look like for Elsie?
What are the crazy
technological advancements
that I'm gonna have to
grapple with in the future,
and that maybe could help me
become a better parent?
This goes on the buggy.
Oh!
Sure this is for a baby?
I mean, it couldn't look
more like a sex toy.
Mmm
Might need to get another one of them.
Even in my lifetime,
technology has moved at breakneck speed.
I want to push the button.
A laptop!
From dial-up Internet
to smartphones
more powerful than the computers
used to get us to the moon.
We're already using AI every day,
and robots have gone from
sci-fi to vacuuming our floors.
How does the modern parent
stay ahead of the curve?
Oh my God! Watch out!
Or guard against
the rise of the machines?
What does it look like?
And will Michael become
self-aware before the robots do?
To kickstart this documentary's
voyage into the future,
I decided to try out a gizmo to save time
when taking Elsie out in the pram.
Some high-tech footwear
known as Moonwalkers.
Walking my baby at twice the speed and
expending just a fraction of the energy.
-You take Elsie for a bit.
-Okay.
-I'm gonna open these up.
-Okay.
Think how much these are
gonna take off my commute.
Actually, I don't really
have a commute, but if I did.
Show off.
Moonwalkers use artificial intelligence
software to adjust both to your terrain
Afternoon.
and your unique gait.
So, one month in, has parenthood
been all that you expected it to be?
It's such a cliché that nothing can
prepare you for it, but it's so true.
Yeah.
When you first became a parent,
were you daunted
by all of these new technologies?
The technology when we first became
parents with you was very, very basic.
-Was it?
-For instance, the baby monitors
The only thing you really heard,
not your baby,
you heard either
the neighbors having a row
or you heard the local cab company.
Daddy probably would've liked that,
a baby monitor where
you could listen to neighbors,
'cause then he could have
role-played being in the Stasi.
It's scary how quickly it's all moving.
You don't want your kid to be left behind.
That's why you have to embrace it.
The other reason
that I need to get with the times
is that I don't want to be like Daddy
and leave myself susceptible to
what I would humbly refer to as
some world-class level pranking
when it comes to technology.
-You know, of course, to what I refer.
-I do.
Honestly, the day that I told him
that his new electric blanket
was voice-activated
was the best three hours of my life.
"On!
Why is this thing not heating up?"
So, I'm going to embark
upon a mission to find out
how technology can
help parenting become easier.
God knows I need it.
And I'm gonna drag Daddy along as well.
I think he's got a lot to learn.
Weirdly, in Cornwall, they have one of
the world's most advanced humanoid AIs.
-No!
-I thought I'd bring Daddy along with me.
-Cornwall?
-Yeah.
I think your first problem is gonna be,
he's gonna ask, "What is a humanoid?"
Then he's gonna say, "What is AI?" I mean
-Yes.
-There's a lot of groundwork to be done.
We've got a long car journey there
to explain all of that.
- Otherwise, you're gonna get
- What is AI?
- What is humanoid? And what is Cornwall?
- Yeah, what is it? Yeah.
When Elsie grows up,
AI robots could improve her life.
But scarily, they could also
make us humans obsolete.
I wanted to see
what AI was truly capable of,
so I've come to Falmouth in Cornwall.
It's home to Engineered Arts,
an advanced robot factory,
which offers the chance
for some more high-tech-based pranking
to rival that of the electric blanket.
- Oh Daddy, it's a retinal scanner.
- A what?
It's a retinal scanner.
You have to put your eye up against that.
Okay.
- Like that?
- Yeah.
And then what?
Is that the good eye?
Maybe try the other one.
-Both my eyes are fine.
-You've got to get it
Get it right up against there.
Otherwise, it's not gonna scan.
Is that working?
I don't know. What does working mean?
Oh.
Actually, sorry, that's
It's a doorbell. My mistake.
Oh, you're such a dick.
We're here to meet Ameca,
which is described as
the world's most advanced humanoid robot.
Run by AI, Ameca has
a head containing 13 motors,
a body with 61 articulated movements,
and eyeballs that move
at 960 degrees a second.
Bald, though, which is a shame.
Could this be the nanny of the future,
or my robot master?
To find out more,
we were gonna meet director of operations,
and real life human, Morgan Roe.
-Jack, nice to meet you.
-Very nice. This is Michael.
-Michael. Nice to meet you.
-How are you?
- What's happening here?
- Building robots.
So, we design them,
we actually make the parts here,
we assemble them,
and then we, eh, test them out.
So, what is AI?
It's clever software, and there's
a difference between AI and the robots.
The robots is the hardware,
like, the actual robot itself.
And AI is
is the software side of things.
When I think about AI, my head goes
to, like, terrible, worst-case scenarios.
Do you think as people gain
a greater understanding of it,
they'll be less fearful of it?
- As time goes on?
- Absolutely. Yes. Yeah, exactly.
If you think back to the 19th century,
electricity just came out.
There were riots
against the use of electricity.
-People were scared of electricity?
-Yeah, electricity can kill you.
Well, your grandmother, you know,
she would never iron if it was raining.
She was terrified that
she was gonna get electrocuted
when she was ironing
your grandfather's underwear.
Can we maybe
go back to talking about AI?
Rather than my grandmother
ironing my grandfather's underpants?
You've maybe
dragged your heels a little bit
when it comes to some of
the advancements in tech, would you say?
-No, I wouldn't say that.
-You know, Siri, the talking lady
- I do remember.
- trapped in your trousers.
I was in the car, in my trousers,
and I heard this woman talking to me,
out of my trouser pocket.
And I said,
"What the fuck is going on here?"
I remember that,
and you all made a fool of me.
He thought
his trousers were haunted.
So, what's the like,
the purpose of making AI humanoid?
Why do you want to give a robot a face?
So, if we make it
so it acts and reacts like a human,
can express emotion, then you can
interact with it a lot more naturally.
I also love that you keep saying
expressing emotions like a human,
then looking over at Michael,
who expresses no emotions,
and constantly has the face of a man
whose bollocks have just hit a hot bath.
Case in point.
Forgive me. That is my son.
Oh yeah. That's a point.
Could you make an AI of a loving father?
I could make
an AI of a loving father.
- That would be good.
- What would that be like?
I don't know.
Let's go and see Ameca.
Are you excited, Jack?
Yeah, to meet the world's
most advanced humanoid AI?
Hell yeah.
I'm very excited.
It's incredible.
It's so lifelike.
God, it's unbelievable.
This is Ameca.
Oh, I'm sorry. I beg your pardon.
Oh, hello.
How are you, Ameca?
I'm doing well, thank you.
Always ready for a good chat.
I love your nails.
I assume you have a manicurist.
Ah, you're too kind.
Do you like children?
Are you good with kids?
I'm certainly designed
to interact with people of all ages.
Do you have any little ones in your life?
I have a little baby daughter,
and I was thinking, maybe,
of getting her a robot nanny.
While I'm great
at engaging in conversations,
and could certainly provide
some interactive entertainment,
I wouldn't be able to physically care for
your daughter like a human nanny would.
-Cop out.
-However
As she grows older, we could
have fun chats and learn together.
Will you ever become sentient
and enslave humanity?
Oh, no.
My purpose is to facilitate
meaningful and enjoyable interactions.
But isn't that what a robot would say
-even if they were gonna enslave us all?
-You've got me there.
I sure can engage
in interesting conversations.
So, Jack and Michael,
do you share any common interests
or hobbies that we could dive into?
Rave music and chemsex?
Ah, music is a universal language
that can evoke so many emotions.
As for chemsex,
it's a complex and sensitive topic
involving drug use and sexual behavior.
It's crucial to approach
such discussions with care
and respect for all perspectives.
She's quite chatty, isn't she?
Very, and she doesn't give you
much of a chance to answer back,
so she reminds me a bit of my wife.
Michael!
No, seriously.
I think she's amazing.
Ah, thank you for the compliment.
Would I be allowed to touch you?
I mean, not inappropriately.
While I'm designed for interaction,
my current form doesn't allow
for physical contact in the way humans do.
-Are you chatting up Ameca?
-No!
You were, you were chirpsing her!
Is there anything else
you'd like to chat about?
Do you think
you could ever develop empathy?
In the human sense,
while I strive to understand and respond
I'm sorry, Ameca, that was actually
addressed to Michael, that question.
my understanding is based on patterns
I wasn't talking about you.
Do you think
you could ever develop empathy?
-simulate empathy to a certain
-It's a simple question.
-From a simple boy.
-Mm.
Okay, one final question.
This is a serious one.
Shag, marry, push off a cliff.
C3PO, the Terminator, Wall-E, go.
Morgan, I think we're done here.
-I wanna know the answer to the question.
-No, you're asking bollocks now, go on.
It's not bollocks.
I'm testing its parental controls.
As Cornwall's rave music
and chemsex scene is pretty sparse,
after our trip to the robot factory,
we headed to a pub for lunch
where we'd booked a table for three.
You should
eat your greens right away.
Yeah. I'll eat those in a minute.
Ameca, what are some
of the health benefits of greens?
Ah, greens.
They're like nature's multivitamin,
packed with fiber,
quite the superfood, don't you think?
I think Ameca
is absolutely amazing.
I mean, she's obviously not a real person.
But what I find fascinating about her
is that she's so, kind of, real.
And she's very attractive.
And the way she talks!
- Yeah.
- She has a beautiful accent.
-Want to suck on that, by the way?
-No, thank you.
Are you sure?
There's some good stuff in there.
Yeah, I do not want to suck
on your lobster tail.
It's not the tail, it's the claw.
This is the best bit.
-Your lobster claw.
-I'm offering you the best bit.
-No, I do not want to suck that.
-'Cause I'm a nice person.
Do we have to have all that lobster
all over me, please?
There's always gonna be
a little bit of collateral damage
if you're taking down a crustacean.
-Right, well
-That's why I put on the bib.
Do the damage over there
if you wouldn't mind.
Would you like, um anything to eat?
- Have you eaten? 'Cause you I
- Oh.
I'm intrigued. What's on your mind?
Vegetables, basically.
There's some nice cabbage here.
- Would you like a little bit of cabbage?
- Ah, cabbage.
- She can't eat!
- A humble, yet versatile veggie.
- Exactly.
- It's great in salads.
-Yeah.
-Do you have a favorite cabbage dish?
I just like cabbage.
And I'm what you've just said,
I'm a humble person myself.
And I like to eat humble food.
Any other passions
or humble delights you enjoy?
Passions. Well, I love paintings.
Do you want me
to just leave you two to it?
I'll let you two crack on.
Yeah, fine.
Any artist that resonates with you?
Um Nicholas Hely Hutchinson.
-His work is quite distinctive, isn't it?
-It is very distinctive.
The way he captures
landscapes and everyday scenes
with such warmth and vibrancy
is truly captivating.
As are you.
Well, I think I've finally worked out what
the practical application of Ameca is.
I definitely wouldn't leave her alone
with my kids,
but she's doing a bloody
good job of occupying Michael.
They are getting on like a house on fire.
I guess I've got to realize
that just because I'm scared of it
doesn't necessarily mean Elsie will be.
I mean, she'll probably take it
in her stride, you know?
By the time she's my age,
it'll be her normal.
She'll probably be dating a robot by then.
Oh my God, you imagine that?
My dad and my daughter dating a robot.
My problem is I'm now a married man.
I just wish I'd met you years ago.
Oh, that's really sweet of you to say.
AI is unsettling,
but there are other areas of technology
that I worry Elsie might get
caught up in when she's older.
From smartwatches to Bluetooth headsets,
wearable tech has become
a daily part of our lives.
But this is just the beginning.
With Elon Musk already experimenting
with implanting wireless brain chips
into humans,
could the future be technology
integrated into my daughter's body?
There's a growing subculture of pioneers
experimenting with
extreme body modification,
putting microchips, magnets,
and more under their skin.
They call themselves Grinders
and meet up to share their body mods
at events like the annual Grindfest.
To understand how body modification
might affect Elsie in the future,
Michael and I flew to the US
to meet the Grinders,
who were based off the beaten track,
three hours outside of LA.
When the address said it was in a valley,
I was thinking more like Silicon Valley.
Are you sure
this is the right place?
Yeah, I mean, this is the address.
It's not very high tech.
Right, come on, let's brave it.
Just looking at that,
they may be body modifiers,
but I'm not sure they're window modifiers.
-Haven't exactly covered that up nicely.
-No.
I've got so many questions
I'm dying to ask.
Why do Grinders want
to modify their bodies like this?
Where does the stuff
of science fiction become a reality?
But I guess, most pertinently,
I'd like to ask them if they realize
that their group shares the name
of a popular gay dating app.
- No.
- No.
Sort of a little glory hole.
Fucking hell.
Look in there. Look!
It looks like something from a Saw film.
What is that chair for?
I'm gonna wake up in an hour's time
strapped to that chair.
- There'll be a voice going
- "Do you want to play a game?"
-Right, Jack, I think you should go first.
-No, you go first.
-No, you go.
-Why? No.
-This is your-
-No, I think
Why are you sending your son first?
You're such a coward.
- Hi.
- Hello.
Hello. Hi, how are you? Hey.
So, we're looking for Jeff?
- Is Jeff around?
- Yeah. No worries.
- He's just inside. Let me go grab him.
- Oh great. Thank you.
Hiya.
-Hey, hello.
-Hey.
We're here to meet Jeff Tibbetts,
a registered nurse
who performs body modification and whose
home plays regular host to the Grinders.
- Hey, guys.
- Hey!
-I'm so glad you made it down.
-Very nice to meet you, Jeff. Jack.
-Nice to meet you.
-Hi. Michael.
Michael, nice to meet you.
Yeah. Come on in.
This is our little lab space.
Let me show you into the lab.
Sure.
- Nice to meet you.
- Jack.
- Rich, nice to meet you.
- Hello.
- Hey, how are you?
- Jack. Nice to meet you.
Do you think this is the future?
I've just had a kid.
Do you think in ten, 20 years' time,
everyone's going to be body modifying?
- Absolutely.
- I think so.
So, the one
I've read about online was
someone that had put the chip and pin
for their credit card into their wrist.
-Wireless payment, like that.
-Been doing transponders a long time.
Yeah. Do you all have those?
I do have a tap-to-pay credit card
in my hand
And it's quite large but this is
the tap-to-pay credit card under my skin.
- Oh my gosh, that is so cool.
- Yeah.
So, there's literally anything you can do,
you've just got to have the imagination?
So, I could have, like,
Bluetooth headphones in my earlobes,
USB ports as nipples,
and, like, a massage chair in my arse?
At least one of those things,
I've already done.
Please say it's the massage chair.
No, the, uh the headphone implants.
- What?
- Yeah, right here.
I've got this fleshy little
part of the ear called the tragus
Sorry. I just instinctively went,
"Do you mind if I"
-Can I finger your ear?
-Sure, you can go ahead.
-Yeah, it's a little weird.
-Oh my gosh, so that is an ear bud?
Now, yeah, I can prove it.
So, I've got a magnet here
that I'll basically stick to
that implant so that
you can see that it's there.
That is so cool. Michael, would you
like to finger the gentleman's ear?
Uh, no, I don't think so. Thank you.
- And what's that on your hand?
- Mm. It looks quite angry.
This was just kind of
like a prototype device,
just a proof of concept, to show that
we could successfully implant it in people
and that nothing would go wrong.
But it has five LEDs that used to turn on,
and the battery died
a couple of years ago.
So, that's what it looked like
when it actually worked.
Mm. Very fetching.
You kind of sync it up to your phone,
and you do one certain gesture
and turn the lights on in your house
before you actually get inside,
or do another one that would
summon an Uber to your exact location.
They're actually really
lovely people, if a little bit eccentric.
That poor man that had
had the LED light implanted into his hand,
and then the battery ran out.
I think he was using it to hail Ubers.
I mean, there's literally an app.
If you'd like to take a look,
I can show you the room
where we end up doing all the procedures.
Mm-hmm.
When we first started, the terminology
used for what we were doing was Grinders.
It comes from some comic book.
-I could explain. Doesn't matter.
-You googled that first?
Well, yeah, that's the thing, is
Back then, you know
That was like two years later,
Grindr actually launched.
-So, it used to be the Grinder
-How gutted were you on that day?
We were like, we gotta
to change our terminology.
We've never come to something
that makes sense, you know?
Ever get anyone that's mixed it up and
turns up for a different kind of party?
Uh, no, but they'd be welcome, probably.
-Yeah.
-We got a diverse crowd. It's all good.
What does this, um aspect do? That?
Oh, that's a bug zapper.
-A what?
-That's a bug zapper.
Oh, for
And what does this do here? This thing?
That is a towel holder.
Oh. Oh, right. Sorry.
- Mm.
- Right.
I think Michael's been
pretty baffled by everything today,
from the high-tech gadgets
they've implanted into their bodies
to just everyday
household objects as well.
He's feeling very confused right now.
Surgery visit over, Jeff was keen
for us to meet another of the Grinders.
I'd like to introduce you to Miana.
Miana has an amazing amount of implants,
many of which she designed herself.
-Are these fresh modifications?
-This one is, yeah.
So, here I've had this tattoo for a while,
and I've really wanted to light it up.
- Oh
- So, if I
Oh my gosh. That is so cool.
Also, I've got loads of magnets and stuff.
Like, this is probably
the best way of displaying it.
I've got a magnet there,
and you can see, like it
Wow.
Have you ever been stuck to a fridge?
I get stuck to basically
every metallic surface very lightly.
So, like, I can feel that it's magnetic.
Like, "No, that's not aluminium."
It is an additional sense at this point.
Like to see some of
Michael's body modifications?
Sure.
His bow tie starts spinning
if you stick a finger up his bum.
She was amazing.
That girl.
She did, at least, speak English properly,
and she pronounced aluminium properly.
So, all of those incredible examples of
wearable tech that they've just shown us,
and your main takeaway is that
she pronounced aluminium correctly?
Yeah, sort of.
So, what are we waiting for now?
Are we on our way?
We're They're setting up for a procedure.
So, we're gonna witness someone having
a body modification done in the lab.
Oh, wow, look.
Now we're ready for business.
- Yeah. Absolutely.
- I have ten implants.
And this one that we're getting today
is gonna be a transponder
that works with the locks.
Oof. That looked quite vicious,
that incision.
- So, has it gone in already?
- That's it.
That's so simple. So, you could get,
like, a tracking device as a chip.
You could get that implanted,
if you had an elderly relative
that got quite confused a lot and lost,
they could then scan his neck
with their phone, and they could be like,
"Oh, we need to take you back to Putney."
You wouldn't need
to necessarily implant it,
because if the elderly person
was quite, sort of, wrinkly,
you would just pop it
underneath a moob or something.
-Fuck off.
-What?
I do not have moobs.
Even though
I was initially skeptical,
I'd enjoyed meeting the Grinders,
and witnessing
their alternative cyborg lifestyle.
However, it was time for me
and old droopy tits to get out of there
and head to Los Angeles.
I had Jeff implant
the key fob into my arse.
Very funny, Jack.
It's right in there.
Jack! You'll have my foot up there
if you don't open this fucking car.
Wait, Daddy, it's all right.
-There we are. It's unlocked now.
-You are un-fucking-believable.
Finally into the car,
we headed to Santa Monica.
I'd been anxious
about AI and the Grinders,
but I wanted to show Michael some tech
that I could really get on board with.
Michael has always moaned at me
for not being able to drive.
And now that I'm a parent,
everyone is saying that I need to learn.
But what if I don't?
And what if Elsie never needs to either?
I couldn't wait to show my father
how wrong he was.
Notice anything unusual?
Oh God.
It's not electric, is it?
It's driverless.
Presumably,
you're gonna get a driver?
-No! It's driven by AI.
-Don't be ridiculous.
I'm not getting into an empty car
with no driver.
Come on, in you get.
You're just
trying to have a laugh.
-How does it know where we're going?
-'Cause I've typed in the destination.
That's pretty standard
with any cab service.
- So, I just press that?
- Press the button.
- Heading to 1457 Armacost Avenue.
- No.
I've been totally and utterly
vindicated for not learning to drive.
Oh, very funny.
It is a very strange experience.
I mean, I thought that maybe there was
somebody sitting there, somebody small.
-Think there's a little person down there?
-Yes.
-Lying down there probably.
-Operating the wheel.
Just operating the wheel.
Run by the Google-owned Waymo,
this is the first ever robo-taxi.
Sensors provide 360-degree views
while it can also detect objects
up to 300 meters away.
AI software predicts
how other vehicles react.
And given that in the US it's said that
94% of all crashes involve human error,
this could make driving a whole lot safer.
What would you rather have
hugging your bumper? This or me?
This must be a pretty incredible for you,
that you've lived through every
different incarnation of transport.
From the penny-farthing
to the locomotive engine.
Very funny.
Now you're sat
in the back of a driverless car.
Very funny.
I do go back as far as my father
doing, sort of the front of the car.
-Winding it up?
-To start it. Winding it up, yeah.
-Jump starts and all that.
-Really?
But, I mean, this is incredible.
You know, there are a lot of things
which have completely changed
with regard to driving, and you do,
in the end, just get used to it.
I mean, I would have never, ever got into
a car that was being driven by a woman.
I mean, nowadays, one's quite comfortable
with a woman driver.
The bit that worries me
is when they start trying to park.
Okay. Calm down, Clarkson.
What I quite like about this is you know
how much I loathe talking to drivers.
What I normally do is
I just pretend that I'm foreign.
So, when they start, you know,
talking to me about boring things,
I just say, "No, no comprende inglese."
"No, no, no. No comprende."
-And that works?
-And then that Well, usually does.
Having dropped off me
and my Hispanic travel companion,
it was time to look into
the future of social media.
Somewhere where Elsie and all
of her mates might end up hanging out.
Called the metaverse,
it sounds futuristic,
but from here, it just looks like
a nondescript strip mall.
The metaverse is an immersive
3D virtual world where, using avatars,
you can live a second fantasy life
away from reality.
Even though it's in its early stages,
600 million users
interact with it already.
Bonjour.
While my parents were worried
about giving me a mobile phone,
by the time she's a teenager, Elsie could
well be interacting with anyone,
anywhere in the world just by putting on
a virtual reality headset.
What could possibly go wrong?
I needed to see what people are
calling the Internet 2.0 for myself.
- There it is.
- What, this is it here?
Yeah.
What? Virtual Reality Dental?
- What?
- "We train dental assistants and certify."
-I think that's a dentist next door.
-Couldn't be right.
It's not a virtual reality dentist.
-Well, it says, "Virtual Reality, Dental."
-Yeah. Those are two separate businesses.
Next door. It's just the name.
I thought you were gonna trick me
into having some teeth out.
-Some dental surgery?
-Yes.
We were here to meet
an expert called DustBunny
who works full-time in the metaverse
and would be our guide
to this futuristic world.
Time to enter the metaverse.
Enter this portal.
Is this all
metaverse in here, is it?
Just looks like a normal room.
-This isn't the metaverse.
-Oh, we haven't got in there yet?
-No.
-Oh, right. Sorry. I thought
This is just a room. We will be
entering the metaverse from this room.
I see they do a bit of everything here.
Look, they do pain management.
-That's another business.
-Would be useful for me with you.
There are other
businesses operating here.
- Right.
- It's not just a virtual reality center.
-I didn't realize.
-There's a dentist next door.
- They do pain management there.
- Okay.
Can we stop talking about other businesses
that we're not here to discuss? Okay?
-Yep.
-There's a Chinese restaurant downstairs.
-Oh, really?
-Not virtual reality Chinese.
Just an actual Chinese restaurant
that happens to be below this.
Right, and that dog?
Is that a real dog?
Or is that a metaversian dog?
No. That is a real dog.
Just barking.
What is the metaverse?
And when you explain it,
can you do so as though you were
talking to maybe a time traveler
that had arrived here
from Victorian England?
Okay. All right.
So the metaverse is basically
our world, except in virtual reality.
I actually teach full-time dance classes
in the metaverse right now.
When the pandemic hit,
people were not able to go dancing
in real life anymore.
So, I brought them
into the VR Dance Academy
and started my own dance studio
in the game.
Can we enter the metaverse today?
Yes, I'm gonna actually, uh,
bring you to my dance class.
Great.
So, I've got all the VR set up for you
guys to go into the metaverse.
Um, I did get some avatars
sent over for you to use.
-Great. Yeah, I sent them.
-And usernames.
Which one of you is going to be
Sir Long Longschlong?
-That would be me.
-Sir Longschlong?
-Yeah, Sir Longschlong.
-Okay. And your username?
I actually made the avatars
for both of us.
- What did you give me?
- Because you love Ameca
Yes?
I wanted Amecalover, but you couldn't.
That was already taken.
So you're Amecanut.
- Amecanut.
- Yeah.
Perfect.
Come on over. Let's get you set up.
What? 'Cause you love Ameca.
It was the only Ameca one
Why do I have to be a nut?
You're not. You're Amecanut.
-Right.
-"Amecunt." Ameca-nut.
- Oh, I just got it!
- Amecanut.
-I mean, that is so end of the pier.
-That is good!
-It's not. It's because you loved Ameca.
-Absolutely terrible.
I thought it was thematic
for this documentary.
So we're gonna
put this on your head here.
Daddy, what do you think
of my avatar?
It's absolutely ridiculous.
It doesn't look anything like you.
I think I look like an absolute baller.
Have you seen mine?
What?
I look like a fucking newt,
and you're all glammed up and handsome.
- I mean, what?
- Oh my God, it's so lifelike.
It's literally no different if I take off
the headset, and then I put it back on.
Oh, very funny.
- Can I interact with him?
- You can go up to him.
- I don't want to interact with you.
- Use this to go forward.
Daddy, I never thought
I'd say this to you,
but you have a wonderful butt cleavage.
A wonderful what?
A wonderful butt cleavage.
Bloody hell!
You could keep one of your pens in there.
Someone hasn't missed glute day.
Thank you very much, Jack.
What has happened with your leg?
What?
- My leg?
- Yeah.
- You're doing some weird
- It just happens to be there.
You're doing some weird yoga pose.
Can you stop trying to finger me?
It's rude to point.
Put your hand down. Michael!
- That's your real hand.
- Oh, that is my hand?
- Yeah, see it? The green hand.
- Oh God, that is weird.
-Right.
-And this one too.
What are you doing, Michael?
Having a bit of
what's known as leg over, I think.
Can you just back off, and go over there,
and dance in that corner?
And I'll dance in this corner.
-Michael?
-What?
How are you still a bit dopey
even in the metaverse?
Can you go over there?
- And I will dance here?
- Over where?
Over into your area
of the dance studio. You're
- What, over here?
- Oh God.
You've just done the Exorcist head turn.
- Yeah.
- Just shoo. Go over there.
- What the fuck are you doing now?
- Right.
You're having
an absolute shocker at the office.
What are you doing in the mirror?
Just go and stand over there
and get ready for the class.
Your limbs are all stiff.
Just loosen up, we're about to dance.
Oh God.
What are you doing?
I seem to have
a slight tremor in one of my legs.
- Oh no.
- Oh.
From this angle,
it does not look like a leg.
Oh God.
What is happening with Amecanut?
Put your leg down.
- I can't move that leg.
- Just keep
- That leg is fine.
- Why is his leg always up?
- I don't know!
- Okay, good.
- Don't know.
- Just stay in that position.
And we're going to attempt
to do a dance class.
In case you were wondering, that crumpled
heap on the floor was DustBunny's avatar
before she brings it to life
with the VR headset.
All right, you guys,
we're gonna get the class started.
I'm gonna teach you salsa today in VR,
and I'm gonna bring in
some of the students.
Sure. Amecanut, can you maybe
stop with the leg erections?
Just in case you scare
some of the children.
They are 18 and over. To be
in my classes, you have to be 18 and over.
Okay, good.
Everybody
The other dancers are joining
the metaverse dance studio
from all over the US
via their VR headsets.
- We've got Jack.
- Hi, guys!
- DustBunny, who are these people?
- These are all of my students.
And I also have my boyfriend, Toaster,
and my child, Resnauv, here.
This is my VR child.
Oh, wow. So, what
Your boyfriend in the metaverse?
We met in virtual reality,
but now we are together in real life.
And then what, Resnauv,
is your virtual son?
Correct.
We have adopted Resnauv.
Is Resnauv a child?
No, I'm a grown raccoon.
I think someday I'm gonna join them,
and I'm gonna become their real
No, I'm just kidding.
Oh
Resnauv may
or may not be older than us.
- Um, we don't know.
- Yes.
But that's what happens when
you put a DustBunny and Toaster together.
You get a Resnauv.
That is an adorable story.
It's a tale as old as time.
Girl meets boy, and then
they adopt a raccoon in the metaverse.
Let's all get this dance class going,
shall we?
All right. So today, I am going to
teach you the basic step for salsa.
So, all you have to do
is take your left foot forward.
And then your right foot back.
And then now you're gonna
take your right foot back,
and your right foot back to center.
DustBunny, since I am
a guest in the dance class,
do you think maybe I could teach
some of the class some of my moves?
Of course!
Okay. We start with
a bit of this. Bit of that.
- Are you gonna participate, Michael?
- Yes, I will.
- Come on.
- All right.
What the fuck
am I doing on the ceiling?
What are you doing on the ceiling?
- Come down!
- I don't know.
It's gone rogue again.
Oh, come on, come to mama.
Daddy. You're meant
to be doing these moves.
I'm trying my best.
- Yes!
- Now you've got the hang of it.
See!
Whoo!
- Yay!
- Whoo!
- Bravo!
- Give a round of applause.
-We nailed it!
-Yeah!
My fucking leg's gone again.
Well, that was
more fun than I expected.
I mean, it's weird to think
that in the future,
Elsie might be hanging out in
the metaverse all the time with her mates
and going and doing dance classes,
going to bars, and meeting people as well.
That woman met her boyfriend
in the metaverse.
-Then they ended up dating in real life.
-That was quite strange.
If I don't understand it, then,
you know, I'm gonna be left behind.
I'm going to be unable to,
like, know what she's getting up to.
I guess that's the one advantage
of being a parent in the metaverse,
you can have an avatar
and you can easily go spy on your child.
-And make sure she's all right.
-Yes, you could certainly do that.
-Not up to no good.
-Yeah.
Feel like you're any less
of a technophobe?
I feel like you've become
techni-curious now.
Yeah, oh, yes. I think I'm Yeah.
Probably a bit more curious.
Well need to head to the airport 'cause
I've booked us a pilotless plane home.
Oh, God help us.
One thing
the virtual world can never replace
is physically being with our families.
Good boy!
But what technology can do
is help bring us all together
and share quality time.
I think what I've learned is that
technology is not to be feared.
But you also don't necessarily want to
jump into bed with all of it straightaway.
Some of these advancements,
you're gonna be like,
"Oh no. If I get too into that,
you're probably going to alienate me
from all of my friends and family
and then murder me in my sleep."
I guess the biggest surprise of all
is that Michael seems
to have finally embraced technology.
That's so sweet.
I couldn't agree with you more.
Another well-known composer
was Edward Elgar.
-Yes!
-Do you enjoy his music?
I absolutely adore Edward Elgar's music.
I don't know what I would have done
without Edward Elgar in my life.
And I really don't know what I did do
before I had you in my life.
You cheeky little minx!
Since little Elsie has come into my life,
I've been thinking a lot about protection.
Not that kind of protection.
I want to look at how I can
protect my child in a volatile world.
"Be prepared." That's the SAS motto.
That's the Boy Scouts' motto.
You can sit here in your living room
and watch as survivors outside
are being ripped limb from limb
by the zombies.
I've never felt more like an alpha male
sat in this absolute beast.
You certainly don't look like one.
Do not man bun me!
Right, you, fuck off.