Joan (2024) s01e02 Episode Script

1
I know Gary's done a big job.
He's in trouble.
You keep your trap shut.
What could I say?
I don't know anything.
Where is he?
Kelly, wake up. Come on, love.
So, you've just been made homeless,
and you want to put your daughter
in emergency care?
I don't want to, obviously.
Is Kelly in danger?
Come here.
Don't go, Mummy. Please don't go.
Where's Kelly?
I have to keep her safe.
I wanna see Kelly.
I fully intend on getting a job
and a place of my own to support us,
I just I just need a chance.
It's been a tough day.
Oh, yeah, what d'you do?
I'm a thief.
'It's just work.'
And it's just one job.
Yeah, I know.
If you rip me off, I'll kill you.
Snap.
'Hello?'
Kelly, it's me. How are you?
'I've started riding lessons.'
I have to wear a hat.
The pony's called Peanuts.
I miss you.
When am I coming home?
I'm just finding us a new place.
It It won't be long now,
I promise.
'Are you still coming on Thursday?
You can meet Peanuts.'
Course I'm coming.
I'll see you on Thursday, Kelly.
I love you, Kel. Mummy?
OK. Come on.
Not a single chip on this,
mint condition. Incredibly rare.
Now, you see the gilding here?
That's all hand painted.
Look at that coral pattern. So
..just delicate. Slip moulded.
Yeah, circa 1840.
How d'you know?
My new assistant,
learning the ropes.
Cos, Joan, prior to that,
they didn't indent the saucers.
Oh.
200 for the set?
I'll give you 50 for the teapot.
Oh, no. No, no.
Can't break up the set.
It's miraculous it's complete.
I'm sorry, I misunderstood.
I thought you said
you were very good friends.
But I do have
some charming Delftware,
if you're looking to economise?
No.
150 for the whole set?
160, cash.
I'll throw in a free gift wrap.
Pick it up four o'clock.
Beautiful yellow sapphire.
Burmese.
Thank you so much.
Thank you.
All right, take care,
I'll see you later.
Not bad for a night's work.
So, where d'you get it from?
Just my warehouse,
where I keep all my stock.
Where's that, then?
No. My whole life's in there.
You don't trust me.
So, where are your stones, Joan?
I see you're ready to start work.
Right, I've got the perfect job
for you.
What is it?
First, we've got to clean up
after the last one you did.
Oh, look at him.
Bloody perv.
Go on, then, in you go.
I told you, a good thief
always covers their tracks.
If you disappear into thin air,
he'll suspect it's you
when he discovers
his stones are gone.
He'll give your name to the police.
And our next job
will be ten times more risky.
I like risk.
Well, I can't work with an amateur
so
Fine.
Never had it in you anyway.
Poke me in the eye, then.
What?
Fine, I'll do it myself.
What? I've gotta look the part.
It's my dad. Lung cancer.
Oh Joan.
I am so sorry.
I don't wanna let you down,
but I have to go to him
in Scotland.
You don't give it another thought.
Family is everything.
Thank you. That's very kind.
By the way, is
is Linda all right?
What do you mean?
Oh she's got
terrible money problems.
Credit cards, all sorts.
Oh.
What about this one, Boisie?
A tenner?
Or this one?
You know I don't buy rubbish.
What? I thought you liked old shit.
Just a cheque book, like I said.
Didn't put you down as a kite.
Not for me, is it?
Here y'are, 60 quid.
70, cos I'm in a good mood.
All right, mate?
All right, Boisie?
"First-class employee,
picked up the business in no time".
And I can have my job back
whenever I like.
That might be useful.
No, I'm never going back.
I'm impressed, Joan.
So, come on, tell me,
what's this job, then?
It's a job of two halves.
The first half is preparation.
Shopping time.
But I wanna nick jewels,
not shoplift
with a dodgy cheque book.
Yes, yes, all in good time.
I'm only doing this one job.
And this is the first part of it.
So, what am I nicking?
Clothes.
Here, practise.
Mrs R Hamilton.
It's just squiggles.
It doesn't matter.
What d'you think the R stands for?
Whatever you like.
Rachel? Rebecca?
Roxy. Call me Rox.
OK, right.
We gotta go down the high street,
get some photos done.
What? Why?
You need a passport.
Once you've nicked the gear,
we're going to Spain tomorrow.
Spain? Oh, my God.
Oh, Kelly
I've gotta be back
Thursday afternoon.
That's all right, we'll fly back
early that morning.
Plenty of time.
The second part of the job is
we need to courier some jewellery.
Three high-value pieces lifted
from a house in Mayfair last week.
My mate Albie sells it out in Spain,
where the pigs
aren't looking for it.
We take it over,
he pays us on delivery.
So, we're gonna take
a regular flight,
pose as a wealthy couple.
That's why you need the clobber.
You have to look the part.
Roxy will need to look classy.
Choose three of four outfits.
Day and evening wear.
Nothing too flash.
When you're in the store, stay calm.
Enjoy it.
You're just a filthy rich woman
doing your last-minute
holiday shopping.
Would you like me to put those
in the changing rooms for you?
Yes, please. Thank you.
CLEARS THROA
Roxy
Rox, Roxy Hamilton.
All right in there, Madam?
You look smashing.
Is it for a special occasion?
I'm off to Spain.
Oh, you lucky thing.
I know.
'When you get to the till,
'they're gonna ask for
a cheque guarantee card.'
There you go.
Cheque guarantee card?
Er, I'm sorry, I
'Ride it out. Trust me.'
I'm so sorry.
I, erm
Left it at home?
Yeah, what an idiot.
Done the same myself.
Just write me out three cheques -
50, 50 and 45.99.
Thanks.
'Once you've got your outfits,
'get out of the store sharpish.'
Have a good day.
You too.
'Don't get distracted, Joan.
Come straight back to my flat.'
Where's the ladies room?
Through the door on the left, Madam.
Didn't expect to see you again
so soon.
Me neither. Got an unexpected haul.
Right.
You've been busy, love.
Yeah, she's a right proper talent.
If not something of a loose cannon.
Give you a tenner each item.
No, they're all at least 40 new.
Hmm, there's no price tags.
I wrote the prices down.
Ha
You've got a right one here, mate.
£1,000, the lot.
Eight. Take it or leave it.
Yeah.
Suits you.
Hm.
Impressive work, love.
See you again.
Leave the price tags on next time.
Punters like to know
how much they've saved
when he's selling round the pubs.
Well, there won't be a next time.
Spain, then I'm done.
Oh
What do you really want, Roxy?
Right now, 380 quid.
Half the profits
minus 20 for the wig.
But I only told you
to nick the clothes, so
OK, well,
I don't always do what I'm told,
especially if I have better ideas.
I introduced you to the fence.
And, er I, er,
bought the cheque book, so
Yeah, I reckon we're about even.
Are you fucking kidding me?
Maybe.
Yeah maybe I am.
Come on, then. Hand it over.
Come and get it.
Come on.
Pay Roxy her half.
Or what?
She'll walk out,
and you'll never see her again.
You like walking out, don't you?
D'you wanna know what Roxy wears
under her dress?
And what else?
Nothing.
I watched something on telly once
about clean freaks.
You're not a psychopath, are ya?
No.
You iron as well?
Only my bank notes.
What?!
Who d'you learn to clean off?
Your mum?
Who then? Big sister?
Prison.
Learned everything there, really.
Yeah, but not antiques.
Yeah, I did.
I picked up a book from the library.
Got really into it.
Ordered another one.
Why?
Dunno.
All the hallmarks, the categories.
Everything has a value.
Mm.
Right. To work.
For you. The gear's inside.
If I carry an attache case
with ladies' jewels in,
it'll look dodgy. So
So, you want me to take it
on the plane, bear all the risk?
You've got the balls, haven't you?
Course I have.
The passport's a good forgery.
I believe in you, Joan.
Yeah, but what are you paying me?
Grand.
Two grand.
So, when's the flight?
Midday.
Better get ready, then.
I reckon amateurs carry their gear
in shiny, new attache cases.
Professionals wear 'em.
Then let's go to Spain.
Please stow your hand luggage
either in the overhead compartments,
or underneath the seat
in front of you.
It's a full flight today,
so we appreciate your co-operation.
Good morning.
It's all right, Joan,
we're through security now.
Hi.
Lovely, thank you.
Thank you.
Hi.
Hi.
Ah, Mrs Hamilton. If you could
step aside and wait for my colleague
from passport control.
OK.
What's the, er, issue?
Er, if you could just wait here.
Thank you.
Hi.
Good morning.
Thank you.
Lovely, thank you.
Thank you.
Excuse me, please. Coming through.
Thank you very much.
Thank you.
Excuse me.
Mrs Hamilton?
You left it on the counter.
Thank you. Sorry,
my wife's a very nervous flier.
I thought you'd flown before.
Do I look like
I've fucking flown before?
Hold my hand.
Hold my hand.
I said hold my bloody hand.
Ooh
Yeah.
Are we in the air? Yeah.
Yeah?
Yes.
Oh! Ha-ha. Whoo!
# 'Begin the Beguine'
by Julio Iglesias
# When they begin
# The beguine
# Quiero sentir
# Las cosas de siempre
# Quiero saber
# Si tu aun me quieres
# Quiero volver
# A empezar
# When they begin
# The beguine #
Oh I've never seen anything
like this in my life.
It's so beautiful.
Can we go to the beach?
All in good time.
We need to drop the gear off
with Albie first.
So, we'll swing by his club.
You need to act dumb
around his missus, all right?
Pretend you're my bird.
Because?
She doesn't know about business.
Better take the gear off
before we get there also.
You'll love him.
Is he into antiques as well?
No.
No, he's nothing like me.
How d'you meet?
Inside. He was my cell mate.
Come on, let's get paid.
Have you finished with that?
Yeah. Yeah?
We'll go in a minute.
Albie. Morning, mate.
Never better.
Hi. Joan.
Hi, I'm Val. This is Jonny.
Hi, Jonny.
So, how's the big smoke, Boise?
Business all right?
Good, yeah. Yeah, very good.
Joan's started working for me.
Oh, so do you know
all about antiques then?
I'm teaching her.
All right, let the girl
speak for herself, Boisie.
Thank you!
Er, yeah, I'm learning the trade.
But in my own way.
How's that, then?
Well, I won't let a man
boss me around.
Ooh
Must be nice growing up out here.
Oh, not really.
He hasn't got any friends here.
That's not true.
How would you know?
You're never around.
Someone's gotta earn the bread,
especially at the rate you spend it.
Children, children.
Never have kids, Joan.
No end of bloody trouble, eh?
We should be getting off, Albie.
Oh, I just need a word with Boise.
You know, you're the first girl
he's brought out here.
I think he just wanted company
on the flight.
So, what kind of work is Albie in?
Oh, importing stuff.
This and that, you know?
What kind of stuff?
I don't really get involved.
Right, Val, Jonny, vamos.
Er, you're about tomorrow,
aren't you? Yeah.
Yeah, we're staying
at Hotel Rondo. Yeah.
See you there.
Come on, babe.
Joan.
Nice to meet you, Joan.
Bye. Bye, Jonny.
Bye.
Two grand. Your cut.
Count it.
I trust you.
Always count the money, Joan.
# 'Club Tropicana'
by Wham!
Welcome back, Mr Hannington.
Good to see you again.
Thank you.
# Brush shoulders with the stars
# Where strangers take you
By the hand
# And welcome you to wonderland
# From beneath their panamas #
Your key, Mr Hannington.
Muchas gracias.
Que tenga un buen dia.
Cheers.
# But don't worry
You can suntan #
# Then kiss in Tropicana's heat
# Watch the waves break on the bay
# Oh, soft white sands
A blue lagoon
# Cocktail time, a summer's tune
# A whole night's holiday #
Here you go.
Cheers.
So, why do you think Albie
keeps everything from Val?
She knows, deep down she does.
Yeah, that's how I was with Gary.
Albie's solid, Joan.
First night in an adult nick,
I was put in a cell with him.
He told me who to befriend,
who to avoid.
He looked out for you.
Yeah. Mm.
Then I taught him
how to play backgammon,
took a load of money off him,
he's been trying to get over it
ever since.
I'm never gonna be like Val again.
I need to run my own life.
Come on. You said you would.
I can't swim.
Nor can I.
Come on. It's warm.
Come on!
Why are you being like that?
Oi!
Oh!
So, they just give you
all this stuff for free? Uh-huh.
What's this?
Shoehorn.
That's useful.
Right, what about
this little packet?
Sewing kit.
I mean, who does sewing
on their holidays?
Move in with me, Joan.
What?
When we get home.
Are you taking the piss?
We've only just met.
I like you.
I think we make a good team.
I can't. I need to get my own flat.
For me and Kelly.
# 'Give It Up'
by KC and The Sunshine Band
He's gonna bloody love you.
You are so cute.
Boisie. It's me. Wake up.
Say hello. Isn't he sweet?
Have you lost your mind?
You can't take a fucking dog
on a plane.
It's for Jonny. He needs friends.
# I'd just like to make you mine
All mine #
It's not fucking funny, Boisie.
# 'Just An Illusion'
by Imagination
Jonny loves the dog. He's made up.
Did you give him a name yet?
What?
Name?
Oh, er, Arnie.
What?!
Like the Terminator. His idea.
# 'Poison Arrow'
by ABC
Oh, come on. Come on.
He deserved it, trust me.
He really did. Did he?
Oh, there they go.
I'm smitten, Albie.
Can you blame me? Look at her.
What you got her doing,
selling on in the shop?
She's a thief.
She already nicked a load of stuff
on her own.
Toasters and tellies?
Diamonds
loose.
She swallowed 'em from her work.
Business and pleasure
all in one cute, little package.
Yeah.
Yeah, no, I reckon we'll make
a good team, she's a natural.
Is that your dick talking?
Married life getting you down?
You chose to leave London.
Come back if you're bored.
Or broke.
# Shoot that poison arrow
# Shoot that poison arrow
To my heart
# Shoot that poison arrow
# No rhythm in cymbals
No tempo in drums
# Love on arrival
She comes when she comes #
Boisie he's smitten.
Treat him good, yeah?
We worked together for years,
I still look out for him.
Oh, you're his baby-sitter, are ya?
Been asking about you, Joan.
I found out your ex did a job for me
back in the day.
You've spoken to Gary?
Says you was a right nightmare
ran off with his kid.
Well, Gary's a bloody liar.
You're sexy when your blood's up.
Fuck you.
Hey, Joan, I'm just joking.
# Shoot that poison arrow. #
'Good morning, ladies and gentlemen,
this is the flight deck.
'I have just been informed
by air traffic control that,
'due to unforeseen circumstances,
'our departure has been delayed
by approximately 60 minutes.'
Shit.
'I apologise for this delay
and the inconvenience'
Boisie, did you hear that?
It's all right, calm down.
You promised I'd be back.
You never said it could be late.
How can it be late?
It's not like there's any traffic
up there
It's only an hour.
Only?! Yeah.
If I'm an hour late for Kelly,
and the social find out
What? The world's gonna end?
Huh
You really don't get it, do you?
I just think you're over-reacting.
Cos you don't have a kid,
you don't understand family.
That's not fair.
I think it is.
I mean, who are you?
Why d'you even bring me out here?
Can you cut it out?
You could have done the job
on your own.
You could have put the gear
in your own bag? Shh.
Isn't that what you normally do,
Boise?
I've been looking for a partner
since Albie left,
and I want us to work together.
What, so this whole thing
was just a test?
Seeing if I'd obey
your little rules, steal to order,
have the bottle
to go through customs?
Calm down.
Oh, I'm really fucking calm (!)
I've got my cash, counted it,
thanks for the tip.
I'm gonna go get my daughter.
Joan
'Scuse me? I need to get off.
I need to call my sister.
My daughter's waiting for me,
and she's only six.
Sorry, it's not possible.
'Ladies and gentlemen
this is your captain again.
'We will shortly be starting
our descent into London.
'I do apologise, once again,
for our late departure.
'We should have you on the ground
90 minutes later than scheduled.
'Flight crew, please prepare
the cabin for landing.'
Oh, thank you.
Ah, it's melting already.
My baby!
Mummy!
Thank you.
Oh, God. Sweetheart.
Let me see you, come on.
You are growing up way too fast,
missy.
Look at your hair. Beautiful.
You having fun?
Yeah.
Give me a cuddle.
How was it?
Oh, it was great.
I can't wait to get her back.
Sorry if I was a bit late.
Kelly's doing really well, Joan.
She's missing you, of course,
but, erm,
she's forming a healthy relationship
with the Ashburys.
And they've enrolled her
in a fantastic school.
Just until you're ready for her.
But I'm I'm ready. I'm ready now.
We need to make sure
that you're on an even keel,
properly settled.
But I I am settled.
I'm I'm working in a jewellers.
I'm living with my sister.
We tried calling you yesterday.
Nancy said you'd moved out.
Have the two of you fallen out?
No. No, I I, erm
Erm, Nancy suggested
we try your place of work.
Look, I had to leave,
the boss was a perv.
Have you got another job?
Yeah, course I have.
Doing what?
What is this, 20 fucking questions?
Sorry. I'm sorry. I just
I'm-I'm-I'm I'm ready for Kelly,
I'm all set.
Er, er, if you don't believe me,
look, I've got the deposit
for a flat, right here, look.
See, there.
We ran some other checks.
The police told us you stole a car.
But
But I had no choice, I
I was so desperate to see Kel and
And I've got a suspen
Look, please, just give me a chance.
Our only concern
is for Kelly's welfare.
And where she is right now,
she has security
Yeah, a posh school and ponies.
It's true that the Ashburys
have a regular source of income,
but they also offer Kelly
a stable, loving home.
And until you can provide that
..I'm afraid we think that
she's better off where she is.
And we've obtained a court order
formally placing Kelly in our care.
It's not forever, Joan.
We'll put a plan in place
and arrange regular meetings
to assess your progress.
And over time
It'll get harder.
You're making it too hard for me.
You just need to prove to us
that you're a good, reliable mummy.
You've got a lovely colour, Joan.
Have you been away somewhere?
It's fake. It's all fucking fake.
Vodka and orange, please.
Sure.
Keep the change.
Thanks.
# 'Kayleigh'
by Marillion
Thanks for bringing my stuff.
Well, I'd buy you a drink,
but it looks like you're sorted.
How is Kelly?
Yeah, yeah, she's good.
But, I, er
..can't get her back just for a bit.
I've gotta prove myself
to the social.
Oh, I'm sorry.
Yeah, me too.
So, are you looking
for somewhere to stay?
Come on.
Come on.
Come back with me.
You still want that?
If I'm gonna get Kelly back,
I need money.
Course you do.
No, I mean proper money.
I wanna buy a house, six bedrooms,
books in all the shelves,
horse outside
Fuck it, two horses.
I mean money, money.
Know what I mean?
Yeah, I reckon I do.
What are we waiting for?
# Darling, don't you cry
# It's just for a while
# Cos you'll never be the girl
# If you let them rule
# Oh, no, you'll never be the girl
# Till you kick those blues
# Glitter girl, get your glamour on
# Don't let the mirror fall
# Don't let them in your soul. #