Just Good Friends (1983) s01e02 Episode Script
Hello Again
1 - Lennie! - Vincey, do you want a pint? No, I'm in a hurry.
I want a word with you.
What's up? - Do you remember Penny? - Penny who? Penny Warrender.
I was engaged to her.
Posh girl from Chipping Ongar.
Posh girl from Chipping Ongar? Her father was a wine merchant.
Her mother was a Nazi.
Penny Warrender.
- I was supposed to marry her.
- You got married? No, I couldn't go through with it.
Remember? Living in her mother's house would've been like kipping with Mussolini.
- Remember now? - No, you got me beat.
God almighty, you were the best man! Oh, yeah, I remember it well.
You don't forget things like that in a hurry.
Crying her eyes out, mascara all down her wedding dress.
- I said, "It's lucky that ain't hired!" - All right, I get the picture.
Well, what about her? Last night, I accidentally bumped into her.
You re not going to show me stitches? I can t be doing with stitches.
No, we got on famously.
As famously as you can get on with someone you jilted.
- There was a bit of slander at first.
- You re lucky.
Remember that bird Moira chucked a fire extinguisher at me? - I remember.
- How is she now then? - Who? - Lady Penelope.
Oh, Penny? Oh, she's She's lovely.
Yeah.
She's very healthy.
Good teeth, strong legs, should stay the distance.
- She's also married.
- That's how you like em.
I don't like Penny being married.
Is that why you never turned up? - Lennie, shut up and listen! - Forgive me for breathing! Listen, before we parted last night, we were having a bit of a disagreement.
She' said, "I hope you re not down The Red Lion tomorrow night at eight o clock.
" So? Which Red Lion didn't she want me to be at? There's hundreds of 'em.
Why don't you just make sure tonight you re in none of em? - Then we won't see each other.
- She doesn't want to see you.
She hopes you re not in The Red Lion.
- Which means she wants me to be there.
- Oh! Does it? Yes! If she didn't want me to be there, she wouldn't have told me where not to be.
I don't know any more.
I like nice, uncomplicated girls.
Girls who either like you or chuck fire extinguishers at you.
You usually get your wish.
I can t even go to her house.
She moved, but she didn't say where.
It's just as well.
You turning up will hardly put a grin on her husband's face! No, well, they parted some time back.
She' started comparing him with me and well - Silly thing to do! - There you go.
- Does she have a car? - Yeah.
- Did you get the number? - I didn't have time to get car numbers.
- I was too busy trainspotting! - Did I get the number The Scotland Yard computer can trace people.
- Did you clock the make and colour? - It was a red Fiesta.
There are more red Fiestas than there are Red bloody Lions! Who do we know that can get into Scotland Yard and work their computer? My cousin Brian is a cook in the canteen up there.
My Aunt Kit's a cleaner at Guy's Hospital.
I wouldn't let her take my tonsils out! When you put it like that Well, I reckon you've drawn a rank outsider this time, Vincent.
You re not thinking of taking up with it again? No, nothing heavy.
You know me.
I like meeting people.
Especially women.
Why don't you become an Avon rep then? Look, Vincey.
You take my advice.
Last time I took your advice, it cost me 150 quid at Haringey.
- When are you back at the betting shop? - Now.
I can't stay away too long in case the others discover my fiddles.
See you later.
It's a grim old world.
It's all work, work, work.
You've got a habit of speaking on subjects you know nothing about.
That's it.
She told me where she worked.
You've cracked it, me little darling! What's your game? See you later, cowboy.
'Hungry people gather at the Soroti warehouses 100 miles from the famine.
'This is the destination of the trucks bringing aid from western nations, 'but there are only two small warehouses to cope with supplies for 400,000 people.
'For a month, Moroto town centre has been crammed with starving Karamojong, 'mostly women and children and old men.
'The strong are away cattle-raiding themselves.
'Such is the suicidal madness of this neglected region.
'Their witch doctors say famine is a curse from one of their hostile fellow tribes.
' You re home early, darling.
Didn't you go to The Red Lion? Yes, I went there.
I was supposed to meet a friend, but he she didn't turn up.
Just as well.
Awful, common pub.
Mummy, I've told you before.
It's a very nice pub.
They have a jazz group some evenings.
That's why I go.
It's beyond me what you see in jazz, but if you enjoy listening to a lot of men playing different songs out of tune at the same time, who am I to criticise? - Is Daddy home? - No.
He's probably caught in a snarl-up in Epping.
Every night he's caught in a snarl-up in Epping.
I think he does it deliberately.
Don t be silly.
You don't think he's got another woman? Daddy? Sorry.
You re probably right.
It is ludicrous.
The thought of him leaping round some pied-Ã -terre in his vest and socks, God! I'll get it.
Probably Daddy - forgotten his keys again! Good evening.
I'm collecting for old people.
Do you have an old person I could have? - What the hell are you doing here? - I found this in my pocket.
It's a handkerchief.
That's what my friend said, but I didn't know whether to believe him.
- I thought you might be needing it.
- It isn't even mine.
Isn't it? Oh, well, it's been a wasted journey then.
How did you find out where I lived? I went to your advertising agency.
The receptionist said it was your day off, but I charmed the address out of her.
- That's probably Carol.
- I didn't get her name.
- Blonde girl? - Yeah, rather sexy.
Hmm.
Lots of spots under her skin.
I didn't notice, Pen.
It's a nice road.
Look at all them conifers and gnomes.
Reminds me of the red light district in Camberwick Green! - I must say, he set you up well.
- Who did? - Your ex-husband.
- This isn't Graham's house.
Oh.
Whose house is it then? - Who is it, darling? - That's the Alien! Shut up! - It's all right.
It's a man.
- Oh, I thought it was your father! - You re back with your parents? - I had a flat until a year ago.
But it was very expensive Why am I explaining myself? Just go, Vince! I told you last night I didn't want to see you again.
All right, Pen, I'll see you.
I'm having a party Saturday night Well, well, well! It's the ice cream man.
Good evening, Mrs Warrender.
You re a little late for the wedding.
We paid off the vicar in 1978.
Vincent came to return this handkerchief.
He found it after five years? Or did your mother finally get round to doing the washing? What harm did my mother ever do? She gave birth to you.
He didn't suddenly find it after five years.
We bumped into each other last night.
You bumped into a virtual stranger and happened to leave an article of clothing with him? It's a handkerchief! A handkerchief IS an article of clothing.
To a lady.
I don't believe you sometimes.
It isn't even mine! I can see that.
Why did you bring this worthless tat all this way? - I thought it had some sentimental value.
- But it's cheap.
Cheap and nasty.
I thought you might have bought it for Penny.
You weren't thinking of inviting it in? No, Vincent was just leaving.
Good.
I wouldn't have let him across the threshold.
If I d wanted to invite him in, I would have.
- You certainly would not have! - This is as much my home as yours.
- Who pays the mortgage? - Daddy.
Exactly.
It's mine.
I have as much right to invite my friends in as you have.
- He is not entering this house.
- Really? Would you like to come in, Vincent? - No, thanks.
- Do come in, please.
Go through to the living room.
Oh, don't look at me like that, please.
"How sharper than a serpent's tooth it is to have a thankless child!" - Shakespeare.
- King Lear.
Shakespeare! Now, before either of you start, there is something I d like to say.
We are all mature adults.
Whatever happened between us happened a long time ago.
And you taught me never to harbour a grudge.
I most certainly did not! - It was probably Daddy then.
- Well, what do you expect? Your father is so wet, I wonder why he wasn't born with a stopcock! All right, if you can t respect each other's feelings, you can at least try to respect mine.
No snide comments.
No sarcastic remarks.
Please! Is your father still a rag-and-bone man? He's a scrap-metal merchant and he's doing very nicely, thank you sir.
Stop it! Neither of you are even willing to try! I'm sorry, Pen.
- This is a lovely house, Mrs Warrender.
- I know.
- Nice area.
Lots of Volvos.
- What? I couldn't help noticing them all as I pulled up.
I thought, "It must be Swedish Week in Chipping Ongar.
" - This isn't Chipping Ongar.
- I know, but it looks just the same.
I have no idea what he's talking about, but I know he's being abusive.
- Just calm down.
- How can I? One minute I'm quietly watching people starve, then the next, this rapist.
Is in my sitting room.
- Rapist? - Come on, Daphne.
Did you or did you not take Penny s most precious gift? - You mean that Morris Minor you got her? - Button it, Vince! I borrowed it a couple of times, but I always brought it back.
I prayed I d never live to see this day.
Makes you wonder if there s a God.
He shows no remorse for all the shame he brought on this family.
We had a church, a vicar, recorded bells and a bride.
All we needed was a groom.
We d have had the full set.
- Does he know what he did to you? - Can t we drop the subject? No, we cannot drop the subject.
I had to listen to my daughter cry herself to sleep night after night.
I watched while she picked up the pieces of what you d left of her life.
She changed.
She became distant, hardened.
She started listening to jazz music.
Mr Warrender came out in scurf rash.
I'm sure we all suffered in our own way.
Even Vincent.
Absolutely.
He doesn't know the meaning of the word.
To him, suffering is what happens to other people.
God knows, I suffered! When you first met him, I had to bite my tongue, keep all my feelings inside and let true love run its course.
I didn't say a word when he brought you back on that awful motorcycle or when I was awoken every night by the Silver Dream Machine s infernal backfiring.
I thought, "What s a bit of shell shock compared with my daughter s happiness?" I stood silently by while my child changed from an English rose into a leather-clad Suzi Quatro look-alike.
I even welcomed his family into my home, indulged their obsession for Australian sherry and spam-coloured cars.
But I always knew that one day he would leave you, broken-hearted and saddle-sore.
And now I refuse to stay in the same room with him.
If he won't leave I will.
If anybody needs me, I shall be in the breakfast nook.
She's mellowed Yes.
Still, at least she's talking to you.
Yeah, we can t have it all ways.
- Vincent, why did you come here tonight? - I thought you wanted to see me.
Wanted to see you? Whatever gave you that idea? I thought I d made it clear that I didn't want to see you, I didn't even like you.
I said, "With any luck, we won't meet again for the rest of our lives.
" - You re upset, Pen.
- Of course I am! How would you feel if somebody left you on your wedding day and five years later, tried to give you someone else's hanky? I don't need you in my life any more.
All I want now is to forget about you.
Again! Pen, what are you trying to say? Oh, God! Go, Vince.
Just go! If that s what you want.
I'm sorry.
I must have misunderstood.
Story of my life, eh? See you, Pen.
- When? - Oh, I don't believe it! I feel better now.
- Amazing what a few drugs can do.
- Sit down.
- I was going to - Sit down.
Sit! How s your father, Vince? Does he still drive the pink Mustang? No, he sold it a long time ago.
He's got a turquoise Pontiac now.
Yes.
I'll never forget what fun he was at your engagement party.
Do you remember what he did in Daddy s ornamental pond? Yes, I do.
I shouldn't imagine the fish forgot in a hurry.
And how s your mother? Does she still enjoy drinking? Not since her illness, Mrs Warrender.
I didn't know she was ill.
Yes, it's her nervous system.
It's delayed shock after what happened between us.
- I am sorry.
- It's not your fault, Mrs Warrender.
Well, not entirely.
One day her whole system just collapsed.
- I'm surprised I didn't hear anything.
- It didn't make a lot of noise.
We re talking about nerves, not scaffolding! I'm surprised I didn't hear about it before! - Is she still receiving treatment? - Hourly.
She just sits in the living room lifeless, surrounded by all this medical equipment.
Monitoring machines, support systems, that kind of thing.
- She hasn't spoken in four years.
- Oh, poor Vince! But how is she in herself? It's difficult to tell, Daphne.
Lack of communication, basically.
I bought her this pair of earphones and, every day, we just plug her into Radio 1.
Does she like pop music? It was her birthday last week.
- I bought her a hat.
- Oh, Vince! Hello, darling.
Sorry I'm late.
Got caught in a snarl-up in Epping.
- Hello, darling.
Vince.
- Mr Warrender.
God, I could do with a stiff sherry! Vincent? What's he doing here? Don't be too harsh with him, Norman.
He's suffered a lot lately.
Sorry to hear that.
Quite a coincidence you being here.
I saw your mother this morning coming out of Halfords.
She didn't happen to have an iron lung with her, by any chance? A what? - She's up and down, you know? - I bet she is, Vince! Beam me up, Scotty.
- Well? - Well what? Are you going to give him a piece of your mind? - But you said - Never mind that.
You re the man of the house.
Go to it, Norman.
Tear him off a strip! Do you really think it was wise coming here this evening? It was more a mission of mercy.
I returned something of Penny s.
Oh, I see.
Oh, well Would you like a drink, Vince? No, thank you.
I never drink and drive.
I find you spill most of it as you turn the corners.
Yes, very wise.
Well, that certainly put the fear of God up him, didn't it "Would you like a drink?!" Or perhaps something to eat? We have plenty of wedding cake in the freezer.
When will you realise the kind of man he is? When did he show gratitude for all I did for you? - What you did for us? - Leave it, Vince.
No, I've got to say my piece.
All right, Daphne, what did you ever do for us? I only organised your entire wedding! I found you that flat and had to force you to put a deposit on it.
- That was because we didn't like it.
- It was a beautiful flat.
Like the flat your father and I had when we got married.
See, Pen? She wasn't trying to bless our union.
She was trying to clone us.
We were just spores to distribute and await the satanic spring when we would rise up through the sun roof of the company Volvo.
What is this big thing you've got about Volvos? They drive em.
The people she wanted us to become.
- What's wrong with Volvos? - Nothing.
They re great cars.
Designed by experts, built by specialists and driven by prats! Is that your Volvo parked out there, Mr Warrender? Yes, it is.
Yes, I think it was time I was going.
What a good idea! - Good night to both of you.
- I'll see him out.
Well, I think they liked you I must admit that didn't go down quite as well as I d hoped.
Why did you tell a cruel lie about your own mother? I did it for you, Pen.
- Did it for me? - Well, of course.
You wanted me and your mother to behave in a civilised manner, so I thought the only way was to make her feel sympathy for me, and it almost worked for a while.
I suppose so.
I just don't know any more.
The Red Lion s still open.
I don't feel like a drink.
Well, I do.
I'll I'll go down there and wait.
If you turn up, you turn up.
If you don't well, that s life.
Is that your van rusting out there? - No, it isn't.
- How did you get here? In that van.
It's my father s.
- I suppose it backfires.
- No, it doesn't backfire.
It looks as if it backfires.
Your cocktail cabinet looks like a genuine antique, but it isn't.
Look, I'm sorry.
I d better go before I get sued.
Good night, Mrs Warrender.
Goodbye, Pen.
He II hurt you again, darling.
He couldn't.
Look, I know what you re thinking, but you re wrong.
We re just good friends.
That's all.
Nothing more.
What are you thinking about? I was just thinking that if cocking things up was a source of energy, I d be able to light up London all on my own.
- I'm sorry I rowed with your mother.
- She enjoyed every minute of it.
She hasn't had a really good row since since we broke up.
Me and her used to have some real belters.
So did you and I.
It was long ago, but I wanted to apologise for that day in Tottenham High Street.
- What day in Tottenham High Street? - About five years ago.
If you hadn't been so nasty, nothing would have happened.
- What did I do then? - You must remember.
I pulled up behind you at some lights and you were on that great big motorbike.
The one with the personalised number plates.
Vincent Ian Pinner - VIP! Yeah, that was a great number plate.
You d bought yourself a new crash helmet with a black tinted visor.
And a new suede jacket.
I thought, "Doesn't he look good?" It wasn't long after our wedding that never was, but I thought, "There s no need for animosity", so I gave you a friendly beep.
- You turned round and gave me a V-sign.
- Never! You did.
You stuck your fingers up at me.
I would never do that to you, Pen.
Was your mother with you? No, she wasn't.
I was livid and that s why I chased after you and forced you off the road.
I heard your bike crashing down the high street.
I saw you in my mirror spread-eagled across the pavement.
I thought, "What have I done?" I was so frightened.
But it was a delicious feeling.
I d waited six months to get even with you.
It was worth every minute of the wait.
- Penny - Hmm? I sold my bike two weeks after we broke up.
- I might have killed him.
- It could have been me.
- I meant to kill you! - Oh, yeah.
Don't get upset.
It was a long time ago.
That's your answer to everything.
"It was a long time ago, so why worry?" I don't want you torturing yourself with guilt.
It was a long time ago.
- Yes, I suppose you re right.
- Of course I'm right.
Besides, the police have probably closed the case by now.
Police? Oh, my God! What's wrong with you now? Nothing to worry about Just got a slight touch of murder, that's all! Pen, I was only joking about the police.
You were joking at a moment like this? Why don't you Why don't you just naff off, Vincent? Penny Love is never having to say "naff off".
Penny, I've got a confession to make.
Go and see a priest then.
Pen, it was me on the bike.
Really? You re not just saying that to make me feel better? Tell me the truth.
For once in your life, just tell me the truth! Cross my heart, Pen.
It was me you nearly killed that day.
- Oh, thank God for that! - You scared me.
Oh - Were you hurt? - Are you kidding? I went 120 yards down the street like a bouncing bomb! It took em five hours to get my bike out of the telephone kiosk.
The person I felt sorry for was the little old lady making the long-distance call.
You rat! You broke my left hand.
All better now.
And my collarbone.
- And a rib.
- Mm-hm.
- Hurt all over, were you? - All over.
We were both broken up in one way or another.
You had a cruel streak, Pen.
- Oh - You never used to complain.
Stop it, Pen.
You know what that does.
Oh! Not the ear, Pen.
Oh Hold it.
Hold it.
- Where's the bit of cotton wool gone? - Eugh, you pig! Pen? Goodbye, Vince.
I want a word with you.
What's up? - Do you remember Penny? - Penny who? Penny Warrender.
I was engaged to her.
Posh girl from Chipping Ongar.
Posh girl from Chipping Ongar? Her father was a wine merchant.
Her mother was a Nazi.
Penny Warrender.
- I was supposed to marry her.
- You got married? No, I couldn't go through with it.
Remember? Living in her mother's house would've been like kipping with Mussolini.
- Remember now? - No, you got me beat.
God almighty, you were the best man! Oh, yeah, I remember it well.
You don't forget things like that in a hurry.
Crying her eyes out, mascara all down her wedding dress.
- I said, "It's lucky that ain't hired!" - All right, I get the picture.
Well, what about her? Last night, I accidentally bumped into her.
You re not going to show me stitches? I can t be doing with stitches.
No, we got on famously.
As famously as you can get on with someone you jilted.
- There was a bit of slander at first.
- You re lucky.
Remember that bird Moira chucked a fire extinguisher at me? - I remember.
- How is she now then? - Who? - Lady Penelope.
Oh, Penny? Oh, she's She's lovely.
Yeah.
She's very healthy.
Good teeth, strong legs, should stay the distance.
- She's also married.
- That's how you like em.
I don't like Penny being married.
Is that why you never turned up? - Lennie, shut up and listen! - Forgive me for breathing! Listen, before we parted last night, we were having a bit of a disagreement.
She' said, "I hope you re not down The Red Lion tomorrow night at eight o clock.
" So? Which Red Lion didn't she want me to be at? There's hundreds of 'em.
Why don't you just make sure tonight you re in none of em? - Then we won't see each other.
- She doesn't want to see you.
She hopes you re not in The Red Lion.
- Which means she wants me to be there.
- Oh! Does it? Yes! If she didn't want me to be there, she wouldn't have told me where not to be.
I don't know any more.
I like nice, uncomplicated girls.
Girls who either like you or chuck fire extinguishers at you.
You usually get your wish.
I can t even go to her house.
She moved, but she didn't say where.
It's just as well.
You turning up will hardly put a grin on her husband's face! No, well, they parted some time back.
She' started comparing him with me and well - Silly thing to do! - There you go.
- Does she have a car? - Yeah.
- Did you get the number? - I didn't have time to get car numbers.
- I was too busy trainspotting! - Did I get the number The Scotland Yard computer can trace people.
- Did you clock the make and colour? - It was a red Fiesta.
There are more red Fiestas than there are Red bloody Lions! Who do we know that can get into Scotland Yard and work their computer? My cousin Brian is a cook in the canteen up there.
My Aunt Kit's a cleaner at Guy's Hospital.
I wouldn't let her take my tonsils out! When you put it like that Well, I reckon you've drawn a rank outsider this time, Vincent.
You re not thinking of taking up with it again? No, nothing heavy.
You know me.
I like meeting people.
Especially women.
Why don't you become an Avon rep then? Look, Vincey.
You take my advice.
Last time I took your advice, it cost me 150 quid at Haringey.
- When are you back at the betting shop? - Now.
I can't stay away too long in case the others discover my fiddles.
See you later.
It's a grim old world.
It's all work, work, work.
You've got a habit of speaking on subjects you know nothing about.
That's it.
She told me where she worked.
You've cracked it, me little darling! What's your game? See you later, cowboy.
'Hungry people gather at the Soroti warehouses 100 miles from the famine.
'This is the destination of the trucks bringing aid from western nations, 'but there are only two small warehouses to cope with supplies for 400,000 people.
'For a month, Moroto town centre has been crammed with starving Karamojong, 'mostly women and children and old men.
'The strong are away cattle-raiding themselves.
'Such is the suicidal madness of this neglected region.
'Their witch doctors say famine is a curse from one of their hostile fellow tribes.
' You re home early, darling.
Didn't you go to The Red Lion? Yes, I went there.
I was supposed to meet a friend, but he she didn't turn up.
Just as well.
Awful, common pub.
Mummy, I've told you before.
It's a very nice pub.
They have a jazz group some evenings.
That's why I go.
It's beyond me what you see in jazz, but if you enjoy listening to a lot of men playing different songs out of tune at the same time, who am I to criticise? - Is Daddy home? - No.
He's probably caught in a snarl-up in Epping.
Every night he's caught in a snarl-up in Epping.
I think he does it deliberately.
Don t be silly.
You don't think he's got another woman? Daddy? Sorry.
You re probably right.
It is ludicrous.
The thought of him leaping round some pied-Ã -terre in his vest and socks, God! I'll get it.
Probably Daddy - forgotten his keys again! Good evening.
I'm collecting for old people.
Do you have an old person I could have? - What the hell are you doing here? - I found this in my pocket.
It's a handkerchief.
That's what my friend said, but I didn't know whether to believe him.
- I thought you might be needing it.
- It isn't even mine.
Isn't it? Oh, well, it's been a wasted journey then.
How did you find out where I lived? I went to your advertising agency.
The receptionist said it was your day off, but I charmed the address out of her.
- That's probably Carol.
- I didn't get her name.
- Blonde girl? - Yeah, rather sexy.
Hmm.
Lots of spots under her skin.
I didn't notice, Pen.
It's a nice road.
Look at all them conifers and gnomes.
Reminds me of the red light district in Camberwick Green! - I must say, he set you up well.
- Who did? - Your ex-husband.
- This isn't Graham's house.
Oh.
Whose house is it then? - Who is it, darling? - That's the Alien! Shut up! - It's all right.
It's a man.
- Oh, I thought it was your father! - You re back with your parents? - I had a flat until a year ago.
But it was very expensive Why am I explaining myself? Just go, Vince! I told you last night I didn't want to see you again.
All right, Pen, I'll see you.
I'm having a party Saturday night Well, well, well! It's the ice cream man.
Good evening, Mrs Warrender.
You re a little late for the wedding.
We paid off the vicar in 1978.
Vincent came to return this handkerchief.
He found it after five years? Or did your mother finally get round to doing the washing? What harm did my mother ever do? She gave birth to you.
He didn't suddenly find it after five years.
We bumped into each other last night.
You bumped into a virtual stranger and happened to leave an article of clothing with him? It's a handkerchief! A handkerchief IS an article of clothing.
To a lady.
I don't believe you sometimes.
It isn't even mine! I can see that.
Why did you bring this worthless tat all this way? - I thought it had some sentimental value.
- But it's cheap.
Cheap and nasty.
I thought you might have bought it for Penny.
You weren't thinking of inviting it in? No, Vincent was just leaving.
Good.
I wouldn't have let him across the threshold.
If I d wanted to invite him in, I would have.
- You certainly would not have! - This is as much my home as yours.
- Who pays the mortgage? - Daddy.
Exactly.
It's mine.
I have as much right to invite my friends in as you have.
- He is not entering this house.
- Really? Would you like to come in, Vincent? - No, thanks.
- Do come in, please.
Go through to the living room.
Oh, don't look at me like that, please.
"How sharper than a serpent's tooth it is to have a thankless child!" - Shakespeare.
- King Lear.
Shakespeare! Now, before either of you start, there is something I d like to say.
We are all mature adults.
Whatever happened between us happened a long time ago.
And you taught me never to harbour a grudge.
I most certainly did not! - It was probably Daddy then.
- Well, what do you expect? Your father is so wet, I wonder why he wasn't born with a stopcock! All right, if you can t respect each other's feelings, you can at least try to respect mine.
No snide comments.
No sarcastic remarks.
Please! Is your father still a rag-and-bone man? He's a scrap-metal merchant and he's doing very nicely, thank you sir.
Stop it! Neither of you are even willing to try! I'm sorry, Pen.
- This is a lovely house, Mrs Warrender.
- I know.
- Nice area.
Lots of Volvos.
- What? I couldn't help noticing them all as I pulled up.
I thought, "It must be Swedish Week in Chipping Ongar.
" - This isn't Chipping Ongar.
- I know, but it looks just the same.
I have no idea what he's talking about, but I know he's being abusive.
- Just calm down.
- How can I? One minute I'm quietly watching people starve, then the next, this rapist.
Is in my sitting room.
- Rapist? - Come on, Daphne.
Did you or did you not take Penny s most precious gift? - You mean that Morris Minor you got her? - Button it, Vince! I borrowed it a couple of times, but I always brought it back.
I prayed I d never live to see this day.
Makes you wonder if there s a God.
He shows no remorse for all the shame he brought on this family.
We had a church, a vicar, recorded bells and a bride.
All we needed was a groom.
We d have had the full set.
- Does he know what he did to you? - Can t we drop the subject? No, we cannot drop the subject.
I had to listen to my daughter cry herself to sleep night after night.
I watched while she picked up the pieces of what you d left of her life.
She changed.
She became distant, hardened.
She started listening to jazz music.
Mr Warrender came out in scurf rash.
I'm sure we all suffered in our own way.
Even Vincent.
Absolutely.
He doesn't know the meaning of the word.
To him, suffering is what happens to other people.
God knows, I suffered! When you first met him, I had to bite my tongue, keep all my feelings inside and let true love run its course.
I didn't say a word when he brought you back on that awful motorcycle or when I was awoken every night by the Silver Dream Machine s infernal backfiring.
I thought, "What s a bit of shell shock compared with my daughter s happiness?" I stood silently by while my child changed from an English rose into a leather-clad Suzi Quatro look-alike.
I even welcomed his family into my home, indulged their obsession for Australian sherry and spam-coloured cars.
But I always knew that one day he would leave you, broken-hearted and saddle-sore.
And now I refuse to stay in the same room with him.
If he won't leave I will.
If anybody needs me, I shall be in the breakfast nook.
She's mellowed Yes.
Still, at least she's talking to you.
Yeah, we can t have it all ways.
- Vincent, why did you come here tonight? - I thought you wanted to see me.
Wanted to see you? Whatever gave you that idea? I thought I d made it clear that I didn't want to see you, I didn't even like you.
I said, "With any luck, we won't meet again for the rest of our lives.
" - You re upset, Pen.
- Of course I am! How would you feel if somebody left you on your wedding day and five years later, tried to give you someone else's hanky? I don't need you in my life any more.
All I want now is to forget about you.
Again! Pen, what are you trying to say? Oh, God! Go, Vince.
Just go! If that s what you want.
I'm sorry.
I must have misunderstood.
Story of my life, eh? See you, Pen.
- When? - Oh, I don't believe it! I feel better now.
- Amazing what a few drugs can do.
- Sit down.
- I was going to - Sit down.
Sit! How s your father, Vince? Does he still drive the pink Mustang? No, he sold it a long time ago.
He's got a turquoise Pontiac now.
Yes.
I'll never forget what fun he was at your engagement party.
Do you remember what he did in Daddy s ornamental pond? Yes, I do.
I shouldn't imagine the fish forgot in a hurry.
And how s your mother? Does she still enjoy drinking? Not since her illness, Mrs Warrender.
I didn't know she was ill.
Yes, it's her nervous system.
It's delayed shock after what happened between us.
- I am sorry.
- It's not your fault, Mrs Warrender.
Well, not entirely.
One day her whole system just collapsed.
- I'm surprised I didn't hear anything.
- It didn't make a lot of noise.
We re talking about nerves, not scaffolding! I'm surprised I didn't hear about it before! - Is she still receiving treatment? - Hourly.
She just sits in the living room lifeless, surrounded by all this medical equipment.
Monitoring machines, support systems, that kind of thing.
- She hasn't spoken in four years.
- Oh, poor Vince! But how is she in herself? It's difficult to tell, Daphne.
Lack of communication, basically.
I bought her this pair of earphones and, every day, we just plug her into Radio 1.
Does she like pop music? It was her birthday last week.
- I bought her a hat.
- Oh, Vince! Hello, darling.
Sorry I'm late.
Got caught in a snarl-up in Epping.
- Hello, darling.
Vince.
- Mr Warrender.
God, I could do with a stiff sherry! Vincent? What's he doing here? Don't be too harsh with him, Norman.
He's suffered a lot lately.
Sorry to hear that.
Quite a coincidence you being here.
I saw your mother this morning coming out of Halfords.
She didn't happen to have an iron lung with her, by any chance? A what? - She's up and down, you know? - I bet she is, Vince! Beam me up, Scotty.
- Well? - Well what? Are you going to give him a piece of your mind? - But you said - Never mind that.
You re the man of the house.
Go to it, Norman.
Tear him off a strip! Do you really think it was wise coming here this evening? It was more a mission of mercy.
I returned something of Penny s.
Oh, I see.
Oh, well Would you like a drink, Vince? No, thank you.
I never drink and drive.
I find you spill most of it as you turn the corners.
Yes, very wise.
Well, that certainly put the fear of God up him, didn't it "Would you like a drink?!" Or perhaps something to eat? We have plenty of wedding cake in the freezer.
When will you realise the kind of man he is? When did he show gratitude for all I did for you? - What you did for us? - Leave it, Vince.
No, I've got to say my piece.
All right, Daphne, what did you ever do for us? I only organised your entire wedding! I found you that flat and had to force you to put a deposit on it.
- That was because we didn't like it.
- It was a beautiful flat.
Like the flat your father and I had when we got married.
See, Pen? She wasn't trying to bless our union.
She was trying to clone us.
We were just spores to distribute and await the satanic spring when we would rise up through the sun roof of the company Volvo.
What is this big thing you've got about Volvos? They drive em.
The people she wanted us to become.
- What's wrong with Volvos? - Nothing.
They re great cars.
Designed by experts, built by specialists and driven by prats! Is that your Volvo parked out there, Mr Warrender? Yes, it is.
Yes, I think it was time I was going.
What a good idea! - Good night to both of you.
- I'll see him out.
Well, I think they liked you I must admit that didn't go down quite as well as I d hoped.
Why did you tell a cruel lie about your own mother? I did it for you, Pen.
- Did it for me? - Well, of course.
You wanted me and your mother to behave in a civilised manner, so I thought the only way was to make her feel sympathy for me, and it almost worked for a while.
I suppose so.
I just don't know any more.
The Red Lion s still open.
I don't feel like a drink.
Well, I do.
I'll I'll go down there and wait.
If you turn up, you turn up.
If you don't well, that s life.
Is that your van rusting out there? - No, it isn't.
- How did you get here? In that van.
It's my father s.
- I suppose it backfires.
- No, it doesn't backfire.
It looks as if it backfires.
Your cocktail cabinet looks like a genuine antique, but it isn't.
Look, I'm sorry.
I d better go before I get sued.
Good night, Mrs Warrender.
Goodbye, Pen.
He II hurt you again, darling.
He couldn't.
Look, I know what you re thinking, but you re wrong.
We re just good friends.
That's all.
Nothing more.
What are you thinking about? I was just thinking that if cocking things up was a source of energy, I d be able to light up London all on my own.
- I'm sorry I rowed with your mother.
- She enjoyed every minute of it.
She hasn't had a really good row since since we broke up.
Me and her used to have some real belters.
So did you and I.
It was long ago, but I wanted to apologise for that day in Tottenham High Street.
- What day in Tottenham High Street? - About five years ago.
If you hadn't been so nasty, nothing would have happened.
- What did I do then? - You must remember.
I pulled up behind you at some lights and you were on that great big motorbike.
The one with the personalised number plates.
Vincent Ian Pinner - VIP! Yeah, that was a great number plate.
You d bought yourself a new crash helmet with a black tinted visor.
And a new suede jacket.
I thought, "Doesn't he look good?" It wasn't long after our wedding that never was, but I thought, "There s no need for animosity", so I gave you a friendly beep.
- You turned round and gave me a V-sign.
- Never! You did.
You stuck your fingers up at me.
I would never do that to you, Pen.
Was your mother with you? No, she wasn't.
I was livid and that s why I chased after you and forced you off the road.
I heard your bike crashing down the high street.
I saw you in my mirror spread-eagled across the pavement.
I thought, "What have I done?" I was so frightened.
But it was a delicious feeling.
I d waited six months to get even with you.
It was worth every minute of the wait.
- Penny - Hmm? I sold my bike two weeks after we broke up.
- I might have killed him.
- It could have been me.
- I meant to kill you! - Oh, yeah.
Don't get upset.
It was a long time ago.
That's your answer to everything.
"It was a long time ago, so why worry?" I don't want you torturing yourself with guilt.
It was a long time ago.
- Yes, I suppose you re right.
- Of course I'm right.
Besides, the police have probably closed the case by now.
Police? Oh, my God! What's wrong with you now? Nothing to worry about Just got a slight touch of murder, that's all! Pen, I was only joking about the police.
You were joking at a moment like this? Why don't you Why don't you just naff off, Vincent? Penny Love is never having to say "naff off".
Penny, I've got a confession to make.
Go and see a priest then.
Pen, it was me on the bike.
Really? You re not just saying that to make me feel better? Tell me the truth.
For once in your life, just tell me the truth! Cross my heart, Pen.
It was me you nearly killed that day.
- Oh, thank God for that! - You scared me.
Oh - Were you hurt? - Are you kidding? I went 120 yards down the street like a bouncing bomb! It took em five hours to get my bike out of the telephone kiosk.
The person I felt sorry for was the little old lady making the long-distance call.
You rat! You broke my left hand.
All better now.
And my collarbone.
- And a rib.
- Mm-hm.
- Hurt all over, were you? - All over.
We were both broken up in one way or another.
You had a cruel streak, Pen.
- Oh - You never used to complain.
Stop it, Pen.
You know what that does.
Oh! Not the ear, Pen.
Oh Hold it.
Hold it.
- Where's the bit of cotton wool gone? - Eugh, you pig! Pen? Goodbye, Vince.