Kath & Kim (2008) s01e02 Episode Script
Respect
I cannot beIieve MeIinda is a senior in high schooI.
Jeez, if I couId put time in a bottIe.
WeII, I do, right? Ah.
(BOTH GIGGLING) Going to her prom next month.
Prom? Ooh, I smeII an up-do.
You know, that's my speciaIty.
Oh, sorry, Kath, but she wants to go to a reaI saIon for that.
You know, it's a speciaI occasion.
Oh.
WeII, ooh-Ia-Ia.
Fancy-schmansy, Nancy.
KATH.
.
I have aII the perks of a saIon right here.
CompIimentary beverages ranging from coIa to fIat water.
I've aIso created a cIassy spa-Iike vibe.
Mom, we're out of Doritos for the second time this week.
Kim, I am with a cIient and you're spiIIing cheese dust everywhere.
What am I supposed to eat with my Hot Pocket? WeII, an appIe wouIdn't kiII you.
An appIe aImost kiIIed SIeeping Beauty.
Read your history books.
Jeez.
Okay.
You're done.
Ta-da! Cu.
Cu, right? Yeah.
Very Renée ZeIIweger.
Oh.
Oh.
You're waIking down the street And a man tries to get your business 'Cause you're fiIthy Ooh, and gorgeous Love it.
I can't beIieve Nancy wouIdn't Iet me do her daughter's hair.
It's very hurtfuI.
I think Craig's phone might be broken.
Why? 'Cause he hasn't been caIIing me.
WeII, Kim, he might have just reached his Iimit, abuse-wise.
FY in your I, he hasn't reached his Iimit.
He's probabIy just working Iong hours, which is stupid if you ask me.
Yeah, and what wouId you know about working Iong hours? Nothing, 'cause I'm not stupid.
Hey, Kim.
Look at this.
''Join us for the first annuaI GaIIey's Prom-enade in the Promenade.
''Shops wiII be showcasing hairstyIes, dresses, ''and accessories for the upcoming prom season.
''Extended parking vaIidation wiII be avaiIabIe for those attending.
'' Wow! KIM: So? Sew buttons, Kim.
The prom market is a big one and I want a piece of it.
This event wouId be the perfect opportunity for me to insert myseIf as a top-notch styIist at par with the big saIons.
Say it, don't spray it.
Hey, Kath.
Kim.
Oh.
Hi, Tina.
I didn't recognize you at first.
I thought you were your mom for a sec.
And what's new with you, Tina? Oh, just doing what most peopIe do on Tuesday afternoons.
Working.
Oh.
I'm too busy being a trophy wife to work.
Mmm.
I heard you guys broke up.
We're in-stranged and it was aII my doing.
KATH: Tina, can I ask you a question? Do you happen to know how I can sign up for the Prom-enade event? I wouId Iove to have a booth for my saIon.
Oh, you have to have a business in the maII, not just in your house, so Oh, weII, that's too bad.
Who cares anyway, Mom? I mean, who wants to work in a maII? You did, Kim.
You interviewed at the Merry-Go-Round Iike five times.
WeII, Merry-Go-Round wasn't the right fit for Kim.
I gotta get back to work.
''Work'' rhymes with ''jerk.
'' Good one.
Oh, I know.
Craig! I need to taIk to you.
(MOUTHING) Doesn't she have anything to do? No.
Not reaIIy.
Craig, it's important! Make it fast.
Okay.
Thank you.
I'm serious this time.
Yeah.
Of course.
I'm busy, Kim.
What's the probIem? Why haven't you been caIIing me? (SCOFFS) That's why you caIIed me over, Kim? (HUFFS) I have to get back to work.
I'm gonna get in troubIe.
Let's wrap it up here, Craig.
Suzette, is it cooI if I actuaIIy take one of my five-minute breaks right now? Omar just Ieft, so no.
Suzette, Kim's kind of my wife, sort of, so it wouId be reaIIy cooI if you couId just Iet us taIk for Iike two minutes.
Okay.
Thank you.
You're fired.
No, no, no, no, no! Suzette! Suzette! That's right.
You need to get your priorities straight.
Hand over the green.
You are no Ionger part of the team.
No, Suzette.
Take his picture down! No! No, he doesn't need this stupid job, anyway.
Oh, yeah, you're right, Kim.
I don't need this job, 'cause I'm expecting a caII from the space program and they want me to be an astronaut, and they make Iots of bank.
See? Oh, my God.
Oh, my God.
Hey, jitterbug! Hi, jitterbug.
The things I wouId do to you if there weren't a heaIth code in this maII.
Oh, PhiI-bear, I'm not in the mood.
What's the matter? Something's bothering my girI.
WeII, for starters, it's hard being an in-home hair-cutter.
We get no respect.
Now what brought aII this on? I want to be in the Prom-enade.
Oh, weII, you're reaching for the stars there, Kath.
I know.
I know.
It's just that I think it's the kind of thing that wouId reaIIy up my profiIe.
You know? Give me some cache.
But I can't enter 'cause I don't work in the maII.
But your fiancé does.
You couId operate under the Sandwich IsIand umbreIIa.
ReaIIy? WeII, Tina's going to eat her sIutty IittIe heart out when she sees me hair modeIing at the Prom-enade.
Yeah, weII, don't get your hopes up, Kim.
PhiI hasn't gotten the proverbiaI thumbs-up from the top brass at the maII.
(PHONE RINGS) HeIIo.
Hi, PhiI.
They did? You're kidding.
Oh, thank you.
Thank you, PhiI.
Wow! Prom-enade, here we come! Okay.
I Iove you.
Who was that? What do you mean? WeII, I'm not a detective.
I onIy heard your end.
I just said, ''Prom-enade, here we come.
'' We're in the show! We're in the show! We're in the show! BOTH: We're in the show! We're in the show! Can you beIieve it, Kim? Hey, Craig.
Hey, Kath.
You got me a present for being mad at me before.
(GASPS) Yummy, yummy, yummy, yummy, Cinnacakes.
(GASPS) How can you afford Cinnacakes when you just got fired? I got a job there.
Craig! That is great news! Wow, what a day this has turned out to be.
Isn't that great, Kim? Mmm.
That is great.
I hope you don't work for another bitchy ass-wipe.
No, it isn't great, Kim.
Okay? So don't act Iike it is.
It's Iame.
I'm an eIectronics guy, okay? I'm not a yummy treat guy and you know this.
Mmm, this is so much better.
I mean, you get free food.
You shouId be thanking me.
WeII, I gotta go.
Gotta be at work tomorrow at 4:00 a.
m.
Oh, jeez.
There's a frosting orientation.
A frosting orientation, Kim! At 4:00 a.
m.
! What's his probIem? We're in the show! We're in the show! We're in the show! Kim, I need to start pIanning my hairdos for the show.
Now what wouId be a good opening Iook? I'm gonna need something reaIIy outstanding.
Something edgy, yet cIassic, yet fun.
What couId I use? (GASPS) You know what wouId be great? The fIying wedge.
The fIying wedge? To open the show.
HeIIo? Isn't that a IittIe out of your Ieague? Thanks for the support, Kim.
Not! WeII, I'm just saying the Iast time you did it was on me and I got Iaughed out of the eighth grade.
You got Iaughed out of the eighth grade because you couIdn't read.
WeII, I happen to be dysIectic Iike Tom Cruise.
Hey, I have a reaIIy good idea.
I shouId get hammered on Sea Breezes during the show to show the girIs how their hair hoIds up when they're puking their guts out.
You know, you reaIIy do have good ideas when you appIy yourseIf, KimberIy.
Hey, Kath.
(GASPS) There's my sexy hero.
I hope it wasn't too much troubIe getting me into the Prom-enade.
Oh, beIieve me, the powers that be at the GaIIey know it pays to keep PhiI Knight happy.
I'II keep PhiI Knight happy.
(GROANS IN DISGUST) AII right, I can't eat and throw up at the same time.
ActuaIIy, Kath, I'm here on officiaI Sandwich IsIand business.
AII right.
I'd Iike to know what your ideas are for the event.
Because you're going to be operating under the Sandwich IsIand umbreIIa, you're gonna be representing the Sandwich IsIand name, and that's when PhiI Knight becomes aII business.
Wow.
So serious.
AII right.
WeII, I do have a few ideas I've been kind of roIIing around in my head.
I'd Iike to hear them.
You wouId? Okay.
Okay.
Great.
I thought that we couId start with the Sandwich IsIand Iogo dispIayed prominentIy on both sides of the booth and then on front wouId be a big sign saying, ''Good Hair Day.
'' ''Day,'' of course, being in aII caps.
Mmm-hmm.
Uh-huh.
And then underneath in cursive, we'd have, ''Every day can be one when you have Kath Day do your hair.
'' Uh-huh.
And then, of course, I wouId do ten different Iooks with various props to show my versatiIity and the edge that I have as a hair styIist.
What do you think? I Iove it.
You do? Yeah, I do.
Oh, PhiI! You don't know how happy that makes me.
Gosh, you're so sexy when you're aII serious.
That's my signature manageriaI styIe.
When I Iike something, I jump in with both feet.
Oh, don't I know it.
Hi.
I thought I'd come see you at your new job.
Isn't that cute? Kim Sorry.
You have to wait your turn.
There's a big Iine.
Okay? No, I don't.
Come on, Kim.
It's my first day.
Okay? Don't do this.
I thought you didn't care about this job.
I don't.
Is that right? Oh, great.
Look, Craig, either your heart and souI's into the Cinnacakes, or you're out.
(SIGHS) Okay, you know what? I'm out.
I'm done.
I'm done with this.
Wait a minute.
Cinnacake.
But he just brought out hot Cinnacakes! Sorry.
You're making a big mistake, Craig.
I'm getting one of those buns.
No.
You're not.
Oh, I think so.
I'm not Ieaving tiII I do, Pac-Manager.
KATH.
.
Who wouId have thought a year ago I'd be working a reaI maII event? Now, I wiII finaIIy get some of the respect I deserve.
Oh, I shouId pIay that song for the show.
That's a great idea, Kath Day.
You are on fire.
Kim, Craig just caIIed.
He said he's gonna meet you at the show.
I'II teII you, that boy is a saint.
(IN BRITISH ACCENT) Just stop yeIIing! I don't need this bIoody gig.
I'm being a modeI.
That's how they taIk.
I'II see you there.
Okay.
Bye.
Yeah! Wow! Oh, my God! I'm so impressed.
Wow.
They sure gave Tina a pIum spot.
WeII, I'm sure they'II take good care of me, honey.
So where did they put us? Jeez! I don't know.
I thought they cIosed this part of the maII.
WeII, isn't this a kick in the piIIs? You know why this happened? Because I refuse to kiss ass, that's why.
I don't pIay maII poIitics! If I did, I'd be at ChiIi's every Friday night fake Iaughing at Marty KeinIen's AI Pacino impression.
You know what? Pish-posh.
We're in the show.
That's aII that matters.
ReaIIy, Kath? I feeI Iike I've Iet you down here.
No! No! No, no, no.
Look, I have a cross-breeze from the service eIevator, and it Iooks Iike the bathroom's not too far.
I think it's perfect.
Nope.
You deserve better than this.
And if I have to kiss big KeinIen ass for you to get it, weII, then so be it! Excuse me, miss, but you can't go in.
You're banned from the maII.
What? When we was carting you off the other day, we wasn't just giving you a ride to your car.
(SCOFFS) I'm a modeI in the Prom-enade show, so you have to Iet me in.
Oh, come on! I promised my mom I'd be there! PIus, we have to show up a sIutty hairdresser.
Tina? Sorry.
I can't Iet you in.
I'II show you my boobs.
Those itty bitties? Just go in.
(CROWD APPLAUDING) WOMAN: Oh, that's beautifuI! What are you doing here? I got my job back.
Wait, Kim.
You are not aIIowed in this store.
SeriousIy.
Step away.
WeII, I'm not aIIowed in the whoIe maII, so Kim Okay.
I know you don't understand this, but I Iove this job.
I tried out a Iot of other careers before I got hooked up to the Circuit.
You remember? The rentaI car industry, seIIing timeshares industry, working at that weird mattress store where I had to wear that beret.
But I fit in here, Kim, and I'm reaIIy good at it and I Iike it.
So I am begging you, dude, pIease just go.
(SIGHS) Okay.
KATH.
.
This is terribIe! Thanks to Kim, I've embarrassed Sandwich IsIand and ruined my chance at gaining respect as a styIist in one fouI swoop.
Where have you been? (GROANS) I was busy.
Phew! It smeIIs Iike trash over here.
I can't do ten Iooks now, Kim! Your hair was supposed to be soaking in geI, prepped and ready to be styIed 20 minutes ago.
I can't do this now, Kim.
I cannot do ten Iooks now! Okay.
CaIm down.
Jeez.
KATH.
.
Get it together, Kath Day.
Get it together.
Think of Oprah.
I wonder if she and GayIe are more than just friends.
PersonaIIy, I don't think so.
But, boy, I'II teII you, that Stedman, he is handsome.
So serious.
Mom, you have to do the fIying wedge.
ReaIIy? Oh, Kim, I don't know.
It's too risky.
You can do it.
You can do it.
Okay.
Get me my caboodIe, two scrunchies and a banana cIip.
Now! Okay.
Let's go.
(UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING) Sit here.
I'm gonna do it! I'm gonna do it! We're gonna do it! We're gonna do it! Let me get the right brush.
Got it! Okay, Mom.
Here we go.
Here we go.
Here we go.
Here we go.
Here you go.
ScaIpeI.
You've got it, Mom! Yeah! We're doing it! We're doing it! (CROWD APPLAUDING) High.
High.
High.
High.
(MURMURING) Yeah, we're doing it, baby.
CIose your eyes.
Here we go.
GeI! I can see it! I can see the wedge! (CROWD APPLAUDING) Okay.
Brush, brush.
Start.
Start teasing, teasing, teasing.
Okay.
(GASPS) Oh, Mom! It's gorge! It's perfect.
It's so unusuaI.
Isn't it? I just Iove this part.
WeII, Iong story short, they just raised my Iease and we're stuck here.
Kath! It's just That's it! Nobody puts Kath Day in a corner, off to the side, next to a dumpster! Come here! What? KATH: PhiI, what are you doing? PhiI! What are you Oh! PhiI, what are you doing? Trust me! PhiI! Mom! Oh! Watch out! Oh! Watch out! Jeez, I'm so sorry.
(GRUNTING) (WHOOPING) PhiI! PhiI! PhiI! PhiI! PhiI! PhiI, PhiI, PhiI! Stop! Stop! Are you crazy? I just might be! (SCREAMING) Now get your gorgeous butt up here.
Why? It's show time! Jeez.
(PEOPLE EXCLAIMING) (ALL EXCLAIMING) Ladies and gentIemen! Sandwich IsIand proudIy presents Hair by Kath Day! Every day can be one when you have Kath Day do your hair.
Yeah! In your face, Tina! Hey, hoId on, Anthony.
Just hoId on.
(INAUDIBLE) Did you see that Iook Tina gave us, Mom? I did.
So jeaIous.
Kim, you Iook awesome, baby! Yo! Check it, peopIe! That is my wife, dude! My wife! Whoo! Cute scarf, Mom.
Thank you.
I'm a warrior in pink.
What? WeII, it's aII about breast cancer awareness.
That's my charity.
AII the ceIebrities have charities, don't you know? I don't have one and I'm Iike a ceIebrity.
WouId you Iook at PrisciIIa PresIey? She Iooks 15.
That's not PrisciIIa PresIey.
That's Joan Van Ark.
They must aII go to the same doctor.
If you got a IittIe PS, what wouId you do? Mmm, I'd do whatever NicoIe Kidman does.
She's had that same expression for years.
Gorge.
Yeah.
Now that's PrisciIIa PresIey.
No, it's not.
That's Bruce Jenner.
Jeez, if I couId put time in a bottIe.
WeII, I do, right? Ah.
(BOTH GIGGLING) Going to her prom next month.
Prom? Ooh, I smeII an up-do.
You know, that's my speciaIty.
Oh, sorry, Kath, but she wants to go to a reaI saIon for that.
You know, it's a speciaI occasion.
Oh.
WeII, ooh-Ia-Ia.
Fancy-schmansy, Nancy.
KATH.
.
I have aII the perks of a saIon right here.
CompIimentary beverages ranging from coIa to fIat water.
I've aIso created a cIassy spa-Iike vibe.
Mom, we're out of Doritos for the second time this week.
Kim, I am with a cIient and you're spiIIing cheese dust everywhere.
What am I supposed to eat with my Hot Pocket? WeII, an appIe wouIdn't kiII you.
An appIe aImost kiIIed SIeeping Beauty.
Read your history books.
Jeez.
Okay.
You're done.
Ta-da! Cu.
Cu, right? Yeah.
Very Renée ZeIIweger.
Oh.
Oh.
You're waIking down the street And a man tries to get your business 'Cause you're fiIthy Ooh, and gorgeous Love it.
I can't beIieve Nancy wouIdn't Iet me do her daughter's hair.
It's very hurtfuI.
I think Craig's phone might be broken.
Why? 'Cause he hasn't been caIIing me.
WeII, Kim, he might have just reached his Iimit, abuse-wise.
FY in your I, he hasn't reached his Iimit.
He's probabIy just working Iong hours, which is stupid if you ask me.
Yeah, and what wouId you know about working Iong hours? Nothing, 'cause I'm not stupid.
Hey, Kim.
Look at this.
''Join us for the first annuaI GaIIey's Prom-enade in the Promenade.
''Shops wiII be showcasing hairstyIes, dresses, ''and accessories for the upcoming prom season.
''Extended parking vaIidation wiII be avaiIabIe for those attending.
'' Wow! KIM: So? Sew buttons, Kim.
The prom market is a big one and I want a piece of it.
This event wouId be the perfect opportunity for me to insert myseIf as a top-notch styIist at par with the big saIons.
Say it, don't spray it.
Hey, Kath.
Kim.
Oh.
Hi, Tina.
I didn't recognize you at first.
I thought you were your mom for a sec.
And what's new with you, Tina? Oh, just doing what most peopIe do on Tuesday afternoons.
Working.
Oh.
I'm too busy being a trophy wife to work.
Mmm.
I heard you guys broke up.
We're in-stranged and it was aII my doing.
KATH: Tina, can I ask you a question? Do you happen to know how I can sign up for the Prom-enade event? I wouId Iove to have a booth for my saIon.
Oh, you have to have a business in the maII, not just in your house, so Oh, weII, that's too bad.
Who cares anyway, Mom? I mean, who wants to work in a maII? You did, Kim.
You interviewed at the Merry-Go-Round Iike five times.
WeII, Merry-Go-Round wasn't the right fit for Kim.
I gotta get back to work.
''Work'' rhymes with ''jerk.
'' Good one.
Oh, I know.
Craig! I need to taIk to you.
(MOUTHING) Doesn't she have anything to do? No.
Not reaIIy.
Craig, it's important! Make it fast.
Okay.
Thank you.
I'm serious this time.
Yeah.
Of course.
I'm busy, Kim.
What's the probIem? Why haven't you been caIIing me? (SCOFFS) That's why you caIIed me over, Kim? (HUFFS) I have to get back to work.
I'm gonna get in troubIe.
Let's wrap it up here, Craig.
Suzette, is it cooI if I actuaIIy take one of my five-minute breaks right now? Omar just Ieft, so no.
Suzette, Kim's kind of my wife, sort of, so it wouId be reaIIy cooI if you couId just Iet us taIk for Iike two minutes.
Okay.
Thank you.
You're fired.
No, no, no, no, no! Suzette! Suzette! That's right.
You need to get your priorities straight.
Hand over the green.
You are no Ionger part of the team.
No, Suzette.
Take his picture down! No! No, he doesn't need this stupid job, anyway.
Oh, yeah, you're right, Kim.
I don't need this job, 'cause I'm expecting a caII from the space program and they want me to be an astronaut, and they make Iots of bank.
See? Oh, my God.
Oh, my God.
Hey, jitterbug! Hi, jitterbug.
The things I wouId do to you if there weren't a heaIth code in this maII.
Oh, PhiI-bear, I'm not in the mood.
What's the matter? Something's bothering my girI.
WeII, for starters, it's hard being an in-home hair-cutter.
We get no respect.
Now what brought aII this on? I want to be in the Prom-enade.
Oh, weII, you're reaching for the stars there, Kath.
I know.
I know.
It's just that I think it's the kind of thing that wouId reaIIy up my profiIe.
You know? Give me some cache.
But I can't enter 'cause I don't work in the maII.
But your fiancé does.
You couId operate under the Sandwich IsIand umbreIIa.
ReaIIy? WeII, Tina's going to eat her sIutty IittIe heart out when she sees me hair modeIing at the Prom-enade.
Yeah, weII, don't get your hopes up, Kim.
PhiI hasn't gotten the proverbiaI thumbs-up from the top brass at the maII.
(PHONE RINGS) HeIIo.
Hi, PhiI.
They did? You're kidding.
Oh, thank you.
Thank you, PhiI.
Wow! Prom-enade, here we come! Okay.
I Iove you.
Who was that? What do you mean? WeII, I'm not a detective.
I onIy heard your end.
I just said, ''Prom-enade, here we come.
'' We're in the show! We're in the show! We're in the show! BOTH: We're in the show! We're in the show! Can you beIieve it, Kim? Hey, Craig.
Hey, Kath.
You got me a present for being mad at me before.
(GASPS) Yummy, yummy, yummy, yummy, Cinnacakes.
(GASPS) How can you afford Cinnacakes when you just got fired? I got a job there.
Craig! That is great news! Wow, what a day this has turned out to be.
Isn't that great, Kim? Mmm.
That is great.
I hope you don't work for another bitchy ass-wipe.
No, it isn't great, Kim.
Okay? So don't act Iike it is.
It's Iame.
I'm an eIectronics guy, okay? I'm not a yummy treat guy and you know this.
Mmm, this is so much better.
I mean, you get free food.
You shouId be thanking me.
WeII, I gotta go.
Gotta be at work tomorrow at 4:00 a.
m.
Oh, jeez.
There's a frosting orientation.
A frosting orientation, Kim! At 4:00 a.
m.
! What's his probIem? We're in the show! We're in the show! We're in the show! Kim, I need to start pIanning my hairdos for the show.
Now what wouId be a good opening Iook? I'm gonna need something reaIIy outstanding.
Something edgy, yet cIassic, yet fun.
What couId I use? (GASPS) You know what wouId be great? The fIying wedge.
The fIying wedge? To open the show.
HeIIo? Isn't that a IittIe out of your Ieague? Thanks for the support, Kim.
Not! WeII, I'm just saying the Iast time you did it was on me and I got Iaughed out of the eighth grade.
You got Iaughed out of the eighth grade because you couIdn't read.
WeII, I happen to be dysIectic Iike Tom Cruise.
Hey, I have a reaIIy good idea.
I shouId get hammered on Sea Breezes during the show to show the girIs how their hair hoIds up when they're puking their guts out.
You know, you reaIIy do have good ideas when you appIy yourseIf, KimberIy.
Hey, Kath.
(GASPS) There's my sexy hero.
I hope it wasn't too much troubIe getting me into the Prom-enade.
Oh, beIieve me, the powers that be at the GaIIey know it pays to keep PhiI Knight happy.
I'II keep PhiI Knight happy.
(GROANS IN DISGUST) AII right, I can't eat and throw up at the same time.
ActuaIIy, Kath, I'm here on officiaI Sandwich IsIand business.
AII right.
I'd Iike to know what your ideas are for the event.
Because you're going to be operating under the Sandwich IsIand umbreIIa, you're gonna be representing the Sandwich IsIand name, and that's when PhiI Knight becomes aII business.
Wow.
So serious.
AII right.
WeII, I do have a few ideas I've been kind of roIIing around in my head.
I'd Iike to hear them.
You wouId? Okay.
Okay.
Great.
I thought that we couId start with the Sandwich IsIand Iogo dispIayed prominentIy on both sides of the booth and then on front wouId be a big sign saying, ''Good Hair Day.
'' ''Day,'' of course, being in aII caps.
Mmm-hmm.
Uh-huh.
And then underneath in cursive, we'd have, ''Every day can be one when you have Kath Day do your hair.
'' Uh-huh.
And then, of course, I wouId do ten different Iooks with various props to show my versatiIity and the edge that I have as a hair styIist.
What do you think? I Iove it.
You do? Yeah, I do.
Oh, PhiI! You don't know how happy that makes me.
Gosh, you're so sexy when you're aII serious.
That's my signature manageriaI styIe.
When I Iike something, I jump in with both feet.
Oh, don't I know it.
Hi.
I thought I'd come see you at your new job.
Isn't that cute? Kim Sorry.
You have to wait your turn.
There's a big Iine.
Okay? No, I don't.
Come on, Kim.
It's my first day.
Okay? Don't do this.
I thought you didn't care about this job.
I don't.
Is that right? Oh, great.
Look, Craig, either your heart and souI's into the Cinnacakes, or you're out.
(SIGHS) Okay, you know what? I'm out.
I'm done.
I'm done with this.
Wait a minute.
Cinnacake.
But he just brought out hot Cinnacakes! Sorry.
You're making a big mistake, Craig.
I'm getting one of those buns.
No.
You're not.
Oh, I think so.
I'm not Ieaving tiII I do, Pac-Manager.
KATH.
.
Who wouId have thought a year ago I'd be working a reaI maII event? Now, I wiII finaIIy get some of the respect I deserve.
Oh, I shouId pIay that song for the show.
That's a great idea, Kath Day.
You are on fire.
Kim, Craig just caIIed.
He said he's gonna meet you at the show.
I'II teII you, that boy is a saint.
(IN BRITISH ACCENT) Just stop yeIIing! I don't need this bIoody gig.
I'm being a modeI.
That's how they taIk.
I'II see you there.
Okay.
Bye.
Yeah! Wow! Oh, my God! I'm so impressed.
Wow.
They sure gave Tina a pIum spot.
WeII, I'm sure they'II take good care of me, honey.
So where did they put us? Jeez! I don't know.
I thought they cIosed this part of the maII.
WeII, isn't this a kick in the piIIs? You know why this happened? Because I refuse to kiss ass, that's why.
I don't pIay maII poIitics! If I did, I'd be at ChiIi's every Friday night fake Iaughing at Marty KeinIen's AI Pacino impression.
You know what? Pish-posh.
We're in the show.
That's aII that matters.
ReaIIy, Kath? I feeI Iike I've Iet you down here.
No! No! No, no, no.
Look, I have a cross-breeze from the service eIevator, and it Iooks Iike the bathroom's not too far.
I think it's perfect.
Nope.
You deserve better than this.
And if I have to kiss big KeinIen ass for you to get it, weII, then so be it! Excuse me, miss, but you can't go in.
You're banned from the maII.
What? When we was carting you off the other day, we wasn't just giving you a ride to your car.
(SCOFFS) I'm a modeI in the Prom-enade show, so you have to Iet me in.
Oh, come on! I promised my mom I'd be there! PIus, we have to show up a sIutty hairdresser.
Tina? Sorry.
I can't Iet you in.
I'II show you my boobs.
Those itty bitties? Just go in.
(CROWD APPLAUDING) WOMAN: Oh, that's beautifuI! What are you doing here? I got my job back.
Wait, Kim.
You are not aIIowed in this store.
SeriousIy.
Step away.
WeII, I'm not aIIowed in the whoIe maII, so Kim Okay.
I know you don't understand this, but I Iove this job.
I tried out a Iot of other careers before I got hooked up to the Circuit.
You remember? The rentaI car industry, seIIing timeshares industry, working at that weird mattress store where I had to wear that beret.
But I fit in here, Kim, and I'm reaIIy good at it and I Iike it.
So I am begging you, dude, pIease just go.
(SIGHS) Okay.
KATH.
.
This is terribIe! Thanks to Kim, I've embarrassed Sandwich IsIand and ruined my chance at gaining respect as a styIist in one fouI swoop.
Where have you been? (GROANS) I was busy.
Phew! It smeIIs Iike trash over here.
I can't do ten Iooks now, Kim! Your hair was supposed to be soaking in geI, prepped and ready to be styIed 20 minutes ago.
I can't do this now, Kim.
I cannot do ten Iooks now! Okay.
CaIm down.
Jeez.
KATH.
.
Get it together, Kath Day.
Get it together.
Think of Oprah.
I wonder if she and GayIe are more than just friends.
PersonaIIy, I don't think so.
But, boy, I'II teII you, that Stedman, he is handsome.
So serious.
Mom, you have to do the fIying wedge.
ReaIIy? Oh, Kim, I don't know.
It's too risky.
You can do it.
You can do it.
Okay.
Get me my caboodIe, two scrunchies and a banana cIip.
Now! Okay.
Let's go.
(UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING) Sit here.
I'm gonna do it! I'm gonna do it! We're gonna do it! We're gonna do it! Let me get the right brush.
Got it! Okay, Mom.
Here we go.
Here we go.
Here we go.
Here we go.
Here you go.
ScaIpeI.
You've got it, Mom! Yeah! We're doing it! We're doing it! (CROWD APPLAUDING) High.
High.
High.
High.
(MURMURING) Yeah, we're doing it, baby.
CIose your eyes.
Here we go.
GeI! I can see it! I can see the wedge! (CROWD APPLAUDING) Okay.
Brush, brush.
Start.
Start teasing, teasing, teasing.
Okay.
(GASPS) Oh, Mom! It's gorge! It's perfect.
It's so unusuaI.
Isn't it? I just Iove this part.
WeII, Iong story short, they just raised my Iease and we're stuck here.
Kath! It's just That's it! Nobody puts Kath Day in a corner, off to the side, next to a dumpster! Come here! What? KATH: PhiI, what are you doing? PhiI! What are you Oh! PhiI, what are you doing? Trust me! PhiI! Mom! Oh! Watch out! Oh! Watch out! Jeez, I'm so sorry.
(GRUNTING) (WHOOPING) PhiI! PhiI! PhiI! PhiI! PhiI! PhiI, PhiI, PhiI! Stop! Stop! Are you crazy? I just might be! (SCREAMING) Now get your gorgeous butt up here.
Why? It's show time! Jeez.
(PEOPLE EXCLAIMING) (ALL EXCLAIMING) Ladies and gentIemen! Sandwich IsIand proudIy presents Hair by Kath Day! Every day can be one when you have Kath Day do your hair.
Yeah! In your face, Tina! Hey, hoId on, Anthony.
Just hoId on.
(INAUDIBLE) Did you see that Iook Tina gave us, Mom? I did.
So jeaIous.
Kim, you Iook awesome, baby! Yo! Check it, peopIe! That is my wife, dude! My wife! Whoo! Cute scarf, Mom.
Thank you.
I'm a warrior in pink.
What? WeII, it's aII about breast cancer awareness.
That's my charity.
AII the ceIebrities have charities, don't you know? I don't have one and I'm Iike a ceIebrity.
WouId you Iook at PrisciIIa PresIey? She Iooks 15.
That's not PrisciIIa PresIey.
That's Joan Van Ark.
They must aII go to the same doctor.
If you got a IittIe PS, what wouId you do? Mmm, I'd do whatever NicoIe Kidman does.
She's had that same expression for years.
Gorge.
Yeah.
Now that's PrisciIIa PresIey.
No, it's not.
That's Bruce Jenner.