Kevin Hart: Don't F**k This Up (2019) s01e02 Episode Script
Don't Be a Bitch
Drugs make you do dumb shit, man.
- [laughter.]
- Stupidest thing my dad ever did when he was on drugs when I was a kid I remember my dad came to parent-teacher conference.
My dad shows up with sweatpants on with no drawers.
[laughter.]
His nigga dick was all over the place, okay? Listen.
I cannot make this up.
Let me show you how my dad walked into my school.
This is all I saw.
"Hey! Kevin! [laughter.]
Hey! Hey! Hey!" [laughs.]
Every time he stops, his dick kept moving.
"Excuse me!" Does he give you advice? Does your dad give you advice? The one piece of advice that my dad has given me is not to be a bitch.
- True story.
- That's what he tells you? That's it.
"Hey, don't be a bitch.
" [laughter.]
What do you "What does that mean? You wanna dive into that a little bit, Dad?" "You're being a bitch right now by asking me to dive into it.
" [laughter and applause.]
[Kevin.]
I get so much good from my mom, and I get some bad from my dad.
My mom was very strict, so one day, I was bitching up a storm.
"I'm tired of the way you treat me like a little kid.
I didn't do nothing for you to be this strict.
I can't do nothing.
" She was like, "You know what? You wanna leave? You wanna go? Fine.
Go.
" Dad came and picked me up.
"Come on! I got you.
" That was the happiest day ever.
And life is gonna be great.
Well, I got to my dad's The grass was not greener on the other side.
[man.]
This is his father, right here.
Spoon.
[man 2.]
That's amazing.
Word! [indistinct chatter.]
[laughing.]
[man.]
Check one, two, one, two.
It's your boy Harry, and I do what it do.
Yeah? What up, everybody.
Welcome to an all-new episode of Straight from the Hart right here on Laugh Out Loud Radio, SiriusXM channel 96.
- I don't do this show by myself.
- [man.]
No, you don't.
I'm always with my boys, my friends, my brothers.
Today's topic, man, I think really is gonna spark up a great conversation.
How do you deal with the exes and the kids? That's a good topic just to springboard off.
of [man.]
Here's the thing.
Kev has built an amazing relationship with his kids.
So you know that Matter of fact, you think they like you better than their mom.
- No, I would never say that.
- [Na'im.]
You've said it.
No, I've never said that.
I've never said that.
This motherfucker be He goddamn stunting on the mother [laughs.]
- You've said it! We've heard you say it.
- I would never say that.
My kids love both of their parents equally, as they should.
[Na'im.]
Okay, listen.
[all laughing.]
[man.]
First of all First of all, I got five children and four mothers.
- I had high-school sweetheart child - Hm-mm.
I had married child that we planned, root to stem.
And the best one? I had Well, I had one-night-stand child [laughs.]
- and I had rebound relationship child.
- Right.
[Kevin.]
Hey, that's an amazing breakdown.
I sure hope these kids don't figure out which one they are.
- [all laughing.]
- God damn! - [Wayne.]
What the fuck? - It's in sequential order.
"Hey, Rebound.
Come here!" [Na'im.]
My dad left when I was three, and he actually moved out of state and all that shit.
- So, my father - Like my father did.
- [Na'im.]
Ah, Joey.
- [Kevin.]
Joey! - [Spank.]
You don't know your father, Joey! - [Kevin.]
Let it go.
Yes, he do.
He at college.
[all laughing.]
[Harry.]
"He live in another city.
He gonna come pick me up this Friday.
Well, maybe not this Friday.
" "I can show you a picture of my daddy right now.
" "Nigga, that's Frederick Douglass, buddy.
" - [Kevin.]
"No, it ain't.
" - "That's Chadwick Boseman.
" - "My daddy the Black Panther.
" - [both laughing.]
"Wakanda forever.
" [laughing.]
Hey! Oh, God! [laughs.]
[Na'im.]
No, no.
I know my daddy.
[all laughing.]
I know.
[Kevin.]
Was my dad on drugs? Yes.
It was crack, it was heroine, marijuana.
I had no idea.
Everybody else knew.
I don't know the exact date of when they separated.
You know, they were never married.
I mean, they broke up four to five, or was it five to six or seven? That's when my momma kicked my dad out, so on the younger side of my life, he was in and out.
You know, my dad was going through issues with himself, so He was there, but just not You know, there wasn't a There wasn't a consistency to it.
And when she kicked him out, of course, I'm a boy.
I just wanna be around my dad all the time.
So you miss your dad, and you're given the opportunity to go out with your dad, hang with your dad.
But that night when I first got to my dad's, the space that my dad lived Bunch of people sitting there.
"Who are all these people?" "That's your cousin.
That's your other cousin.
That's your niece.
That's your nephew.
That's your uncle.
That's" "Who the fuck are these people? Where am I supposed to sleep?" "You're gonna sleep down there with Boom Boom, Bug Bug, and Jack Jack.
" "Who the fuck is Boom Boom, Bug Bug, and Jack Jack?" So my dad had a lot of kids, had a lot of families.
I mean, some of the kids, I think, were the same age as me.
I'm not aware of all of them.
"Y'all eat? Y'all do anything?" "Did we eat? Ain't y'all suppose to feed us? What'd you mean 'Did we eat?'" There was no structure.
There was nothing! "What the fuck is going on here, man?" My dad almost killed me one time.
When I was younger, I couldn't swim.
I'm playing, having a good time.
My dad said, "You'd better stop playing.
Get in that water and swim.
" I said, "I don't know how to swim.
" He said, "You know how to fuckin' swim.
Get in that water and swim.
" I said, "No, I'm serious.
Nobody ever taught me.
" My dad picked me up, grabbed me and threw me in seven feet.
As soon as I hit the water, I started to die immediately.
- [laughter.]
- Oh! [screams.]
[screams.]
This is why my dad's an asshole.
This is what he said "Hey! You'd better not fucking drown.
" I said, "What?" What my dad had a habit of doing was taking you, throwing you in a situation, and expecting you to be okay without you having any knowledge of what to do.
Throwing you off the cliff in a lake.
"I can't swim.
" "Figure it out.
" Taking you in a position where you're in the pool hall late at night with him and "I'll be right back.
Stay here, Kev.
I'm going to talk to him real fast.
" And you're just sitting there at a table and there's nobody else around that you know.
Letting you drive a boat.
Letting you drive a van.
He didn't care.
[Larry King.]
You have thrown your son in a pool in which he almost dies.
You steal a police dog.
You ruin your son's - spelling bee competition.
- Yeah.
Yeah.
[Larry.]
All those true? Yeah.
Every one of them, yeah.
Were you stoned at the time? Um Let's see.
When I threw him in the pool, I was higher than a Georgia pine.
[laughs.]
Uh When I stole the dog, yeah, I was high.
This nigga had the dog with him.
[imitates dog barking.]
"Dad, the dog is on drugs too.
Dad, please.
" So my dad wasn't around as much I would've want him to when I was growing up.
The streets got the best of him.
Drugs got the best of him.
Life in general got the best of him.
I'm honest.
I'm transparent, so I can talk about my dad's mistakes.
It doesn't affect me.
It doesn't make me feel a way.
I'm not emotional and damaged because of it.
Thank God.
It's something that you should be able to grow from.
And for me, the best way to do that was to verbalize that shit through what I do best, through humor.
Finding pain within the jokes that ultimately would heal wounds.
See, my dad was mad at me 'cause I wasn't an athlete.
I didn't play sports.
I was into weird shit like spelling bees, debates.
Now, here's the thing.
My dad would show up at my events and treat them as if they were athletic events.
First of all, you can't cheer for no kid at a spelling bee.
It's a spelling bee.
It's quiet! I'm focused! I'm in the middle of spelling a very difficult word, my dad shows up late, busts through the back door high as hell making cokehead noises.
"Yeah! My son's spelling the shit outta these motherfucking words.
In your face, bitch.
In your face! - All right, all right, all right.
" - [laughter.]
I never witnessed the happy years between my mom and my dad.
I only saw the downward spiral.
[Kevin.]
It's a great deal, champ.
[Eniko.]
Eat the whole thing.
[Kevin.]
When you've seen the road of bad you now know what a road of good can look like.
It's tough.
When you talk marriage, when you talk family, that's something that you have to work to keep together.
- Let me see the splinter.
- [girl.]
No, you're gonna pull it out.
[Kevin.]
I'm not! Let me see it.
[Kevin.]
What day you wanna pick to get your hair done? Might as well get the same thing.
[Kevin.]
Where is it? Look at your feet! [girl.]
I'm sorry! Okay? - Let me see your foot! - [girl.]
Please! [girl.]
Why are you grabbing his thigh like that? - Because he's my husband and I can! - But why there? Yo, why don't you back off? [chuckles.]
- [Eniko.]
I can't grab him right here? - That looks weird! - [Eniko.]
Why is it weird? - Because! It's just weird.
- [Zo cries.]
- Stop upsetting your brother.
[all laugh.]
[Kevin.]
My first wife's name was Torrei.
First marriage ended because, you know, you get married young.
You don't know the true definition of marriage.
You don't really know what you're stepping into.
I can honestly say I'm still figuring it out.
The benefit from our time together is two amazing kids.
No matter what, I will always have love for Torrei for that.
I'm serious.
Let me pull it out because you've got dirt all over - No! I can get it.
I swear, I can get it.
- What is that white stuff around it? - That's What's it called? - [Eniko.]
Baking soda.
[girl.]
It's baking soda.
I didn't do that part yet, and I will take it out, I promise.
Just not right now.
Dad, I promise I'm gonna take it out.
- Let me get the tweezers and pull it out.
- No! I will do that.
Pinkie promise, I'm gonna take it out today.
- [boy.]
Just let her foot get infected.
- No.
If it gets infected, I'm not taking you to the hospital, and I hope your foot come off, okay? - [girl.]
Fine! I'll figure this out now.
- [woman.]
We're rolling.
- Okay.
- They don't wanna see you.
This is my wife, Eniko Hart.
- I think they've had enough of you.
- Take 27.
All right? You're gonna get it this time.
Take 27.
- Goodbye.
- You got it.
Have fun.
See you.
[Eniko.]
So I met Kev in D.
C.
We were in a club.
He literally went to the DJ booth and he serenaded me.
I'm just laughing.
I don't even know why, but it's funny as hell.
I'm normally, like, attracted to sense of humor.
You can look however.
You can make me laugh, and it's a win for me.
[laughs.]
One thing kind of led to another, and it just happened.
We couldn't resist each other.
It was nonstop.
[Kevin.]
The biggest misconception, you know, Eniko was the home-wrecker.
This woman came in and destroyed this man's family.
Reality is, I was done with my first marriage.
We were done.
We were in separate homes.
I can't do it with a married man.
That's just not me.
I respect the sanctity of marriage.
I think I've just learned to just ignore it, you know? 'Cause I know who I am.
I know who he is.
No one really knew him like they know him now, and we would just move differently.
Like, we didn't have security.
We didn't have paparazzi.
I kind of miss that moment when, you know, he wasn't as big as he is now.
[Kevin.]
I brought her around, held her own.
The guys loved her.
She laughed.
She joked.
Like, she one of us.
Like, she be on the road.
We out.
I was like, "Look, you just make me so happy.
So then I made the decision to say, "I want you to meet my kids.
" 'Cause I never brought another woman around my kids.
There's a woman I'm really gonna take serious.
[Eniko.]
I celebrate the man you are today and believe in the man I know you will become.
[sniffs.]
I unconditionally acknowledge and accept all your faults and strengths, as you do mine.
[Kevin.]
I'm a better man because of you.
[Kevin.]
Not only do you make me better, but you make me wanna continue to be better.
To see my kids love another woman and understand where that woman stands in their father's life.
[man.]
It is an honor and a pleasure for me to introduce to you, Mr.
and Mrs.
Kevin and Eniko Hart.
[cheering and applause.]
[Kevin.]
I love it.
I love the idea of this big family shit.
- That big fucking household of family? - Hm-mm.
I don't know what that shit is like.
- [Harry.]
A close-knit family.
- Yeah, close-knit where we Every Thanksgiving, - every Christmas, every blah, blah, blah.
- Yeah, yeah.
Dad come home.
Dad cut the turkey.
Save the turkey leg for - You getting a lot out of that.
- That shit is all fictional.
- Think about it.
It's all fictional.
- Yeah.
That wasn't real to us.
Initially, when I started writing with Kev on his stand-up, I kind of mentored him a little bit.
I think we're bonded by comedy, and through comedy a great friendship has grown.
- Hm-mm.
- [Kevin.]
I'm now turning that shit into reality, and I love it.
As parents, we only know if we did a good job - when our children become adults.
- [Kevin.]
Hm-mm.
And they have this moment where they reflect back and have these epiphanies about why they are the way they are.
- And that's what I was faced with.
- Really? My oldest was like, "Dad, you wasn't around, and it affected me.
" And I go, "You're absolutely right.
" It was humbling.
It's like, you've gotta swallow those pills, like, hey Well, I can say - with my dad - Hm-mm.
I've had the feeling of - absent father.
- Hm.
I know what that is.
- I know what it feels like.
- Hm-mm.
Because of that I've I'm Nigga, I bust my ass getting back to see my kids.
And I'll be honest with you I didn't see that in you when we were first friends.
I saw it once you got the divorce.
When we got divorced, it was, "Uh, wait a minute.
Are you gonna take this moment and run with it - and become your father now?" - Right.
Right.
- "Because you're not in the household" - It gives you an excuse.
- "I got an excuse.
" - Yeah, yeah.
"I ain't with your mother.
How you expect me to see you?" You got that excuse.
Are you gonna do that, or are you gonna go the other direction? Look at the conversation we're having.
Look at where we are.
Yeah.
- Fatherhood.
- Yeah.
We're sitting here drinking and talking about the goddamn [together.]
Kids! - [Kevin.]
Brother, this is it.
- That's all we got.
It's over.
Do you hear me? This is our life.
That's it.
This Look at the little creeper up there.
All she do is sneak and watch me.
Don't matter what I'm doing.
She's a little fucking creeper.
Look at her.
- What's your problem, bro? - [Kevin.]
She's a creep.
Look at her.
Now she gonna do something weird.
[laughs.]
[Kevin.]
My dad, we knew he was on drugs.
We would say, "Let's give him something to do.
Let's get him a job.
" That's when my brother got a barbershop.
He said, "I'm getting Dad to paint it, do the electrical work.
Do everything there.
" And what my dad ended up doing was stealing the stuff out of the barbershop.
And we found him.
He had my brother's car, and there was like this other woman in there who was obviously on drugs too.
And we pull up to where he can't open the door.
And he rolls down the window, and his line was, "I ran out of gas.
" That was the moment where me and my brother knew we had to get him help.
- My man.
Come here, girl.
- [girl.]
Hey, pop-pop.
Hey, baby.
Do me like your daddy.
Huh? [Kevin.]
Of course my dad's changed.
He's sober.
We got a guy that was on drugs, so When you can kick an addiction, that's evolving, that's change.
That's always embraced.
- [Henry.]
Hey, baby! - [Eniko.]
Hi, Pops! - [Henry.]
What's up? - [Eniko.]
How are you? - [Henry.]
How you been? - [Eniko.]
Good! - You know T.
You've met my daughter? - Hi, T! How are you? [woman.]
Good.
[Eniko.]
It smells like poop, sorry.
I just changed his diaper.
- [Henry.]
Hey, man.
- [Eniko.]
Come here.
Give me that phone.
- [Henry.]
What's up? - [Kevin.]
Zo, move your head.
- [Kevin.]
Move your head.
- [Henry.]
Man! Come here, man.
Come here.
[Henry laughs.]
Man, I'm out of breath.
- [girl.]
He can barely walk.
- [Kevin.]
Where's that going? [Henry.]
Come here.
[Henry.]
Hey, man.
Wait a minute.
Look.
Do you want me? I'm the man.
[Eniko.]
He see daddy over there.
- [Eniko.]
He is silent.
- I'm just excited.
[Eniko laughs.]
[Eniko.]
He wanted to see his grandbaby - for the first time.
- Zo, come here! [Kevin.]
Sit down and sit up on the couch with your old ass.
We're trying to do it all in two seconds.
[chuckles.]
[Kevin.]
My dad had lung cancer, beat that, and I think now he has what they call COPD.
It affects his breathing.
[wheezing.]
[Kevin.]
He needs air.
[Kevin.]
Aw, you see Grandpop? Better look at him now while he can breathe.
[Henry chuckles.]
[Kevin.]
You can't fake a a bond that's not a bond.
There's love.
There's father-son love.
But that doesn't mean that there's a bond.
That doesn't mean there's an inseparable bond.
And that's not given.
That's earned.
From anybody.
It's earned.
[Eniko.]
You wanna look at this? [Kevin.]
Just do the cheesesteak rolls for him.
Dad, you wanna do a burger or something that you can gnaw on? Or you want some soup? Fuck you! Excuse my mouth.
Excuse me.
[Kevin.]
You can't chew like that.
No, I'm good.
Hamburger.
- [Kevin.]
Watch out for a second.
- [Eniko.]
All right.
[girl.]
Why did he curse at you? [Kevin.]
He's crazy.
[Eniko.]
Pops, do you want cheese, or no? [Henry.]
I love my boy.
He loves his family.
Not just his immediate family, he love all his family.
I'm proud of what he's become.
I'm glad God granted me the time to stay here to see this much.
I'm kinda low-keyed about it, but you say the wrong thing about my son, I'll try to punch you dead in your face.
[Kevin.]
You gotta understand, you're a product of your environment.
You're a product of your environment.
So I don't know who my dad's dad was.
I couldn't point him out in a picture if you lined it up and put it with a bunch of different pictures of grandpops.
I never met him.
But I can tell you by the way that my dad was raising us that the way he was raised wasn't correct.
I can tell you that he is the way he is for a reason.
It's passed down.
[Henry.]
I want me and you to sit and talk for, like, two or three minutes.
I wanna get this portable machine.
Did you see what I got? I got a tank with stuff.
It's a portable machine I wanna get.
There's no conversation.
All you have to do is say, "Kev, I need this so I can" [Henry.]
I need this.
[Kevin.]
Whatever it is.
[Henry.]
I need $7,000.
I'll just give you twenty.
- That's more than enough.
- [Kevin.]
There you go.
- Okay.
- Do you see how easy these things are that you try to make these big, difficult things? [Kevin.]
Take two punches, brother.
Two punches.
That's it.
Good night.
Two.
I'm gonna hit you one here.
That's gonna take you out.
And I'm following up with an upper cut, and that's gonna put you down.
It's got two punches.
Unless you want your grandkids to see it, better back up.
You'd better back up.
[laughs.]
Bless you.
Look at you.
See? Look, look, look.
[laughing.]
- Look.
- We be gettin' real, man.
[Kevin.]
Whatever you need is okay.
If these are your last years, I'm trying to help make them the best possible years.
I have no grudge.
I have no hate.
I have no resentment.
Never have.
How long you ride the bike? Ten minutes.
- [Kevin.]
You ain't riding for ten minutes.
- [Henry.]
Kev, I'm telling you He's like, "He ain't riding a bike for ten minutes.
" [Kevin.]
Nothing you can tell me.
Tell you something else I do.
I jump on the floor when I know they ain't around, and I'll do 25, 30 push-ups.
- Now, after I do them - [Robert.]
Dad [laughing.]
Dad! Dad! Come on, stop.
[Kevin.]
No.
No, Dad! Wait until you get the mask.
[Henry.]
One.
Count! Count! - [Kevin.]
Oh, shit! - [Henry.]
Count, boy.
[Kevin.]
Four, five, six - [Kevin.]
Oh, I told you he got it.
- [Robert.]
But he ain't got no 25.
Come on! I'm gonna do ten now.
Y'all ain't bettin'.
If you didn't have them keys on, I think you could have gotten 25.
[laughs.]
[Robert laughing.]
It's the keys weighs you down! If you didn't have them keys on, you could have got it! [Robert.]
Whatcha gonna do? Gonna go over there? - [Zo crying.]
- [Robert.]
Let's see what's happening.
Let's see what's happening over here.
[Eniko.]
Come on, come on, come on.
I'm about to feed you.
- [crying.]
- [Eniko.]
Sh, sh, sh.
[Henry.]
You're rolling? I got to roll.
I got to roll, man.
Hit it.
Bam! [girl.]
Here.
[Henry.]
I'm gone.
Man, I love that.
You tell Grandpop bye.
- Bye, Pop-pop.
- Come here, boy.
[Eniko.]
Whoa! Why you grab him like that? [Henry.]
Shut up! [Eniko laughing.]
Stop! [Henry.]
You see, he stopped, didn't he? I used to do to his daddy.
"Shut up!" Bam! [woman.]
So, judging from your memoir, your father had a very macho and very aggressive idea of what it meant to be a man.
Telling you that he was disappointed in you because you weren't as deep into sports as he wanted you to be.
Do you think he was ever afraid that you weren't gonna be, like, manly? [Kevin.]
I don't think that there was a fear.
I think that my dad's vision and goal was for me to be a replica of him.
I think that, you know, any man, when you have a child, your first will and want is for your child to be a version of you.
Forty seconds left.
At 30 more seconds, we'll speed up, okay? [Kevin.]
Good job.
[Kevin.]
All right.
Let's go a little faster.
[Kevin.]
Good job.
[Kevin.]
Put the car seat in that one.
- You're not taking that one? - I want to put the car seat in this one.
- [Harry.]
That's where I'm gonna go.
- We can jump in that one.
[Harry.]
What's up, boy? I said it.
I said it to you.
[Kevin.]
Such a good baby.
There's east coast in his blood.
[Kevin.]
How you doing, sir? [Kevin.]
Oh, shit! - [Kevin.]
Oh, shoot! - [girl.]
Oh, I didn't even [girl.]
I thought these were just random people.
[Kevin.]
Holy shit! [girl.]
Is that uncle? [Kevin.]
No, that's me! [laughing.]
- [Eniko.]
I'm glad you love it, my love.
- [Kevin.]
I do as it tells a story.
[Kevin.]
Look at this right here! - [Kevin.]
That's Grandpop.
That's me.
- [girl.]
He looks like Lionel Richie.
[Kevin.]
Look, that's me, and then that's uncle.
Look at Mom.
[Kevin.]
Oh, my God! [Kevin.]
My wife did an amazing thing.
She knows that I'm a freak for pictures.
Babe, this dope as hell.
[Eniko.]
We're gonna go out and see Daddy when he go out, okay? [woman.]
Your dad's on the road a lot.
How is that for you, like, when he's not around? I do miss him when he's not around.
When he's not around, I'm also with my mom.
It's I don't know.
I guess I'm used to it? [Kevin.]
I mean, my dad wasn't around that much as I was growing up.
You know, you naturally get accustomed to a departure, and you embrace when there's a presence, and when there's not, you're fine.
[man over PA.]
Ladies and gentlemen, if you're ready for Kevin Hart.
I gotta go now.
[over PA.]
Please put your hands together.
[cheering.]
[Kevin.]
I really credit my wife for making me understand the importance of just being there, you know? I already knew, but just reiterating.
You know, in life, I think the one thing that you realize as you grow, as you get older is that you need you need a partner.
You know, you need a team.
You can't do it by yourself.
As much as you think you can, you can't.
And I can say that I have a great team.
[Kevin.]
He nervous.
[Kevin.]
You nervous.
[Kevin.]
You back here nervous like a bitch.
[Kevin.]
How long it take to do all this shit? - Well, I don't know how to tie no bow tie.
- [Kevin.]
So what? [Harry.]
What up, killer? Boy, you look cool.
No, you look good, man.
Top to bottom.
Let me see you, brother.
Let me look at you.
Hold on, now.
No, let me see you, brother.
[Kevin.]
Got the double.
[Kevin.]
You got the double with the goddamn shebang-bang.
[Kevin.]
Your buttons lined up.
Looking executive, but looking like you ready to make a big decision with your life.
- Again.
- Again.
- But this time, the happy way.
- This one's gonna work.
They say the first is the worst, the second is the best.
- Third is - [talking at once.]
[both laugh.]
[Kevin.]
I've had a lot of families in my life.
I had the family I was born into, my mom, my dad, my brother.
But because my life took me in a different direction, I got a second chance.
I had the family I married and fathered.
Then I have the family I work with, my fellow road warriors.
[Harry.]
A few of us have family situations where our dads weren't present.
My dad passed away when I was really young.
Joey's dad walked out on him.
Kev's dad, you know, absent because of, you know, drugs and street life.
We kind of created a bond because it's something that's relatable, and we try to make each other better, um in the absence of fathers.
[Kevin.]
Like you, nigga.
Your day is your day but, more importantly, your fucking moment.
It's a moment, brother.
Don't not take this shit the way you're supposed to.
It's a fucking huge-ass day.
Yeah, Rodney.
[man.]
Yo, we gotta go! [men chatting indistinctly.]
[Harry.]
This shit's hard to take off, man.
I'm gonna mess that.
I can't [Harry.]
All right.
I'll get somebody.
Don't worry about it.
I got it.
Say Say your prayer before you go down there.
It's fucking huge.
We good.
[Harry.]
I love you, bro.
[man.]
All right.
Let's go, guys.
[man.]
Mr.
and Mrs.
Harry and Kai Ratchford.
- Give it up! Let them know you love 'em.
- [cheering.]
- [man 1.]
Yeah! - [man 2.]
Yeah! [Kevin.]
Get in there, boy! [Kevin.]
Ah, yeah! [Kevin.]
Yeah! Chapped lips for everybody.
[Harry.]
I would just like to say thank you, guys, for coming out.
We really feel the love with the people here with us.
And I would just like to toast my very beautiful bride [cheering.]
Wow! Wow! But thank you so much, and cheers.
- [Kevin.]
Yes! Cheers.
- [crowd.]
Cheers! - To the Ratchfords! - [cheering.]
Ratchfords! [Harry.]
Oh! That'll put lead in your pencil.
[Harry.]
Put lead in your pencil.
Yeah, you'd better take two, then.
[Kevin.]
I'll tell you something.
You go through so many different levels in life, man.
I love the man that I'm fucking becoming.
I love it.
Right now I'm at a new stage.
Me and my wife just had a baby a year ago.
My son just turned one this fucking week, man.
Kenzo Kash Hart.
[cheering and applause.]
Father of three now.
[Eniko.]
In the beginning, he did not want more kids.
He was like, "No, I'm done.
I got a girl.
I have a boy.
What else do I need?" And I was like, "Well, if this thing does work out with us, we got to think about a kid.
Like, I want my own, you know?" And it happened.
It was seven months after our wedding.
When I found out, we were in Philadelphia.
He was filming.
I called him.
I'm like, "It's happening.
Like, we're having a baby.
" He starts screaming.
He's going crazy.
Turn to the side.
Let me see it.
Turn to the Come on, come on.
Trick everybody.
[laughing.]
That was amazing.
[Harry.]
A couple of months later, me and Kev was driving to Asheville, North Carolina.
Um We seldom drive anymore, so it was kind of a nostalgic feel, like the old days when we used to drive around and do shows, um, listening to music, having a good time.
And Kev got a call from his wife.
Um, I knew it was something serious when I heard her curse.
And I was like, that was aggressive.
He was quiet the whole time.
Then he pulled up this video.
He was like, "Shit!" And he showed me, and I was like, "Shit!" [Kevin on video.]
Marriage number two.
That means this has to work.
It has to work.
If this marriage doesn't work, I gotta start looking at myself like I may be the problem.
And this [laughs.]
It may be me.
Like, all this time, it may have been fucking me.
[Harry.]
Once we got to Asheville, we all gathered in his room, and he kind of told us, uh, that there was this girl, and somehow there was a tape of them together.
And we all saw the tape.
Everybody was completely blindsided, and he just kind of wanted to get everybody's opinion on how we as a group and as a company should deal with what's about to happen.
I'm at a place in my life where I feel like I have a target on my back, and because of that, I should make smart decisions.
And recently, I didn't.
Um You know, I'm not perfect.
I'm not gonna sit up here and say that I am or claim to be in any way, shape or form.
And I made a bad error in judgment and put myself in an environment where only bad things can happen, and they did.
And in doing that, I know that I'm gonna hurt the people closest to me, being my wife and my kids.
Um And I just You know, it's a shitty moment.
It's a shitty moment when you know you're wrong, and there's no excuses for your wrong behavior.
[Harry.]
I'm like, "Oh, shit! The shit's gonna hit the fan.
"
- [laughter.]
- Stupidest thing my dad ever did when he was on drugs when I was a kid I remember my dad came to parent-teacher conference.
My dad shows up with sweatpants on with no drawers.
[laughter.]
His nigga dick was all over the place, okay? Listen.
I cannot make this up.
Let me show you how my dad walked into my school.
This is all I saw.
"Hey! Kevin! [laughter.]
Hey! Hey! Hey!" [laughs.]
Every time he stops, his dick kept moving.
"Excuse me!" Does he give you advice? Does your dad give you advice? The one piece of advice that my dad has given me is not to be a bitch.
- True story.
- That's what he tells you? That's it.
"Hey, don't be a bitch.
" [laughter.]
What do you "What does that mean? You wanna dive into that a little bit, Dad?" "You're being a bitch right now by asking me to dive into it.
" [laughter and applause.]
[Kevin.]
I get so much good from my mom, and I get some bad from my dad.
My mom was very strict, so one day, I was bitching up a storm.
"I'm tired of the way you treat me like a little kid.
I didn't do nothing for you to be this strict.
I can't do nothing.
" She was like, "You know what? You wanna leave? You wanna go? Fine.
Go.
" Dad came and picked me up.
"Come on! I got you.
" That was the happiest day ever.
And life is gonna be great.
Well, I got to my dad's The grass was not greener on the other side.
[man.]
This is his father, right here.
Spoon.
[man 2.]
That's amazing.
Word! [indistinct chatter.]
[laughing.]
[man.]
Check one, two, one, two.
It's your boy Harry, and I do what it do.
Yeah? What up, everybody.
Welcome to an all-new episode of Straight from the Hart right here on Laugh Out Loud Radio, SiriusXM channel 96.
- I don't do this show by myself.
- [man.]
No, you don't.
I'm always with my boys, my friends, my brothers.
Today's topic, man, I think really is gonna spark up a great conversation.
How do you deal with the exes and the kids? That's a good topic just to springboard off.
of [man.]
Here's the thing.
Kev has built an amazing relationship with his kids.
So you know that Matter of fact, you think they like you better than their mom.
- No, I would never say that.
- [Na'im.]
You've said it.
No, I've never said that.
I've never said that.
This motherfucker be He goddamn stunting on the mother [laughs.]
- You've said it! We've heard you say it.
- I would never say that.
My kids love both of their parents equally, as they should.
[Na'im.]
Okay, listen.
[all laughing.]
[man.]
First of all First of all, I got five children and four mothers.
- I had high-school sweetheart child - Hm-mm.
I had married child that we planned, root to stem.
And the best one? I had Well, I had one-night-stand child [laughs.]
- and I had rebound relationship child.
- Right.
[Kevin.]
Hey, that's an amazing breakdown.
I sure hope these kids don't figure out which one they are.
- [all laughing.]
- God damn! - [Wayne.]
What the fuck? - It's in sequential order.
"Hey, Rebound.
Come here!" [Na'im.]
My dad left when I was three, and he actually moved out of state and all that shit.
- So, my father - Like my father did.
- [Na'im.]
Ah, Joey.
- [Kevin.]
Joey! - [Spank.]
You don't know your father, Joey! - [Kevin.]
Let it go.
Yes, he do.
He at college.
[all laughing.]
[Harry.]
"He live in another city.
He gonna come pick me up this Friday.
Well, maybe not this Friday.
" "I can show you a picture of my daddy right now.
" "Nigga, that's Frederick Douglass, buddy.
" - [Kevin.]
"No, it ain't.
" - "That's Chadwick Boseman.
" - "My daddy the Black Panther.
" - [both laughing.]
"Wakanda forever.
" [laughing.]
Hey! Oh, God! [laughs.]
[Na'im.]
No, no.
I know my daddy.
[all laughing.]
I know.
[Kevin.]
Was my dad on drugs? Yes.
It was crack, it was heroine, marijuana.
I had no idea.
Everybody else knew.
I don't know the exact date of when they separated.
You know, they were never married.
I mean, they broke up four to five, or was it five to six or seven? That's when my momma kicked my dad out, so on the younger side of my life, he was in and out.
You know, my dad was going through issues with himself, so He was there, but just not You know, there wasn't a There wasn't a consistency to it.
And when she kicked him out, of course, I'm a boy.
I just wanna be around my dad all the time.
So you miss your dad, and you're given the opportunity to go out with your dad, hang with your dad.
But that night when I first got to my dad's, the space that my dad lived Bunch of people sitting there.
"Who are all these people?" "That's your cousin.
That's your other cousin.
That's your niece.
That's your nephew.
That's your uncle.
That's" "Who the fuck are these people? Where am I supposed to sleep?" "You're gonna sleep down there with Boom Boom, Bug Bug, and Jack Jack.
" "Who the fuck is Boom Boom, Bug Bug, and Jack Jack?" So my dad had a lot of kids, had a lot of families.
I mean, some of the kids, I think, were the same age as me.
I'm not aware of all of them.
"Y'all eat? Y'all do anything?" "Did we eat? Ain't y'all suppose to feed us? What'd you mean 'Did we eat?'" There was no structure.
There was nothing! "What the fuck is going on here, man?" My dad almost killed me one time.
When I was younger, I couldn't swim.
I'm playing, having a good time.
My dad said, "You'd better stop playing.
Get in that water and swim.
" I said, "I don't know how to swim.
" He said, "You know how to fuckin' swim.
Get in that water and swim.
" I said, "No, I'm serious.
Nobody ever taught me.
" My dad picked me up, grabbed me and threw me in seven feet.
As soon as I hit the water, I started to die immediately.
- [laughter.]
- Oh! [screams.]
[screams.]
This is why my dad's an asshole.
This is what he said "Hey! You'd better not fucking drown.
" I said, "What?" What my dad had a habit of doing was taking you, throwing you in a situation, and expecting you to be okay without you having any knowledge of what to do.
Throwing you off the cliff in a lake.
"I can't swim.
" "Figure it out.
" Taking you in a position where you're in the pool hall late at night with him and "I'll be right back.
Stay here, Kev.
I'm going to talk to him real fast.
" And you're just sitting there at a table and there's nobody else around that you know.
Letting you drive a boat.
Letting you drive a van.
He didn't care.
[Larry King.]
You have thrown your son in a pool in which he almost dies.
You steal a police dog.
You ruin your son's - spelling bee competition.
- Yeah.
Yeah.
[Larry.]
All those true? Yeah.
Every one of them, yeah.
Were you stoned at the time? Um Let's see.
When I threw him in the pool, I was higher than a Georgia pine.
[laughs.]
Uh When I stole the dog, yeah, I was high.
This nigga had the dog with him.
[imitates dog barking.]
"Dad, the dog is on drugs too.
Dad, please.
" So my dad wasn't around as much I would've want him to when I was growing up.
The streets got the best of him.
Drugs got the best of him.
Life in general got the best of him.
I'm honest.
I'm transparent, so I can talk about my dad's mistakes.
It doesn't affect me.
It doesn't make me feel a way.
I'm not emotional and damaged because of it.
Thank God.
It's something that you should be able to grow from.
And for me, the best way to do that was to verbalize that shit through what I do best, through humor.
Finding pain within the jokes that ultimately would heal wounds.
See, my dad was mad at me 'cause I wasn't an athlete.
I didn't play sports.
I was into weird shit like spelling bees, debates.
Now, here's the thing.
My dad would show up at my events and treat them as if they were athletic events.
First of all, you can't cheer for no kid at a spelling bee.
It's a spelling bee.
It's quiet! I'm focused! I'm in the middle of spelling a very difficult word, my dad shows up late, busts through the back door high as hell making cokehead noises.
"Yeah! My son's spelling the shit outta these motherfucking words.
In your face, bitch.
In your face! - All right, all right, all right.
" - [laughter.]
I never witnessed the happy years between my mom and my dad.
I only saw the downward spiral.
[Kevin.]
It's a great deal, champ.
[Eniko.]
Eat the whole thing.
[Kevin.]
When you've seen the road of bad you now know what a road of good can look like.
It's tough.
When you talk marriage, when you talk family, that's something that you have to work to keep together.
- Let me see the splinter.
- [girl.]
No, you're gonna pull it out.
[Kevin.]
I'm not! Let me see it.
[Kevin.]
What day you wanna pick to get your hair done? Might as well get the same thing.
[Kevin.]
Where is it? Look at your feet! [girl.]
I'm sorry! Okay? - Let me see your foot! - [girl.]
Please! [girl.]
Why are you grabbing his thigh like that? - Because he's my husband and I can! - But why there? Yo, why don't you back off? [chuckles.]
- [Eniko.]
I can't grab him right here? - That looks weird! - [Eniko.]
Why is it weird? - Because! It's just weird.
- [Zo cries.]
- Stop upsetting your brother.
[all laugh.]
[Kevin.]
My first wife's name was Torrei.
First marriage ended because, you know, you get married young.
You don't know the true definition of marriage.
You don't really know what you're stepping into.
I can honestly say I'm still figuring it out.
The benefit from our time together is two amazing kids.
No matter what, I will always have love for Torrei for that.
I'm serious.
Let me pull it out because you've got dirt all over - No! I can get it.
I swear, I can get it.
- What is that white stuff around it? - That's What's it called? - [Eniko.]
Baking soda.
[girl.]
It's baking soda.
I didn't do that part yet, and I will take it out, I promise.
Just not right now.
Dad, I promise I'm gonna take it out.
- Let me get the tweezers and pull it out.
- No! I will do that.
Pinkie promise, I'm gonna take it out today.
- [boy.]
Just let her foot get infected.
- No.
If it gets infected, I'm not taking you to the hospital, and I hope your foot come off, okay? - [girl.]
Fine! I'll figure this out now.
- [woman.]
We're rolling.
- Okay.
- They don't wanna see you.
This is my wife, Eniko Hart.
- I think they've had enough of you.
- Take 27.
All right? You're gonna get it this time.
Take 27.
- Goodbye.
- You got it.
Have fun.
See you.
[Eniko.]
So I met Kev in D.
C.
We were in a club.
He literally went to the DJ booth and he serenaded me.
I'm just laughing.
I don't even know why, but it's funny as hell.
I'm normally, like, attracted to sense of humor.
You can look however.
You can make me laugh, and it's a win for me.
[laughs.]
One thing kind of led to another, and it just happened.
We couldn't resist each other.
It was nonstop.
[Kevin.]
The biggest misconception, you know, Eniko was the home-wrecker.
This woman came in and destroyed this man's family.
Reality is, I was done with my first marriage.
We were done.
We were in separate homes.
I can't do it with a married man.
That's just not me.
I respect the sanctity of marriage.
I think I've just learned to just ignore it, you know? 'Cause I know who I am.
I know who he is.
No one really knew him like they know him now, and we would just move differently.
Like, we didn't have security.
We didn't have paparazzi.
I kind of miss that moment when, you know, he wasn't as big as he is now.
[Kevin.]
I brought her around, held her own.
The guys loved her.
She laughed.
She joked.
Like, she one of us.
Like, she be on the road.
We out.
I was like, "Look, you just make me so happy.
So then I made the decision to say, "I want you to meet my kids.
" 'Cause I never brought another woman around my kids.
There's a woman I'm really gonna take serious.
[Eniko.]
I celebrate the man you are today and believe in the man I know you will become.
[sniffs.]
I unconditionally acknowledge and accept all your faults and strengths, as you do mine.
[Kevin.]
I'm a better man because of you.
[Kevin.]
Not only do you make me better, but you make me wanna continue to be better.
To see my kids love another woman and understand where that woman stands in their father's life.
[man.]
It is an honor and a pleasure for me to introduce to you, Mr.
and Mrs.
Kevin and Eniko Hart.
[cheering and applause.]
[Kevin.]
I love it.
I love the idea of this big family shit.
- That big fucking household of family? - Hm-mm.
I don't know what that shit is like.
- [Harry.]
A close-knit family.
- Yeah, close-knit where we Every Thanksgiving, - every Christmas, every blah, blah, blah.
- Yeah, yeah.
Dad come home.
Dad cut the turkey.
Save the turkey leg for - You getting a lot out of that.
- That shit is all fictional.
- Think about it.
It's all fictional.
- Yeah.
That wasn't real to us.
Initially, when I started writing with Kev on his stand-up, I kind of mentored him a little bit.
I think we're bonded by comedy, and through comedy a great friendship has grown.
- Hm-mm.
- [Kevin.]
I'm now turning that shit into reality, and I love it.
As parents, we only know if we did a good job - when our children become adults.
- [Kevin.]
Hm-mm.
And they have this moment where they reflect back and have these epiphanies about why they are the way they are.
- And that's what I was faced with.
- Really? My oldest was like, "Dad, you wasn't around, and it affected me.
" And I go, "You're absolutely right.
" It was humbling.
It's like, you've gotta swallow those pills, like, hey Well, I can say - with my dad - Hm-mm.
I've had the feeling of - absent father.
- Hm.
I know what that is.
- I know what it feels like.
- Hm-mm.
Because of that I've I'm Nigga, I bust my ass getting back to see my kids.
And I'll be honest with you I didn't see that in you when we were first friends.
I saw it once you got the divorce.
When we got divorced, it was, "Uh, wait a minute.
Are you gonna take this moment and run with it - and become your father now?" - Right.
Right.
- "Because you're not in the household" - It gives you an excuse.
- "I got an excuse.
" - Yeah, yeah.
"I ain't with your mother.
How you expect me to see you?" You got that excuse.
Are you gonna do that, or are you gonna go the other direction? Look at the conversation we're having.
Look at where we are.
Yeah.
- Fatherhood.
- Yeah.
We're sitting here drinking and talking about the goddamn [together.]
Kids! - [Kevin.]
Brother, this is it.
- That's all we got.
It's over.
Do you hear me? This is our life.
That's it.
This Look at the little creeper up there.
All she do is sneak and watch me.
Don't matter what I'm doing.
She's a little fucking creeper.
Look at her.
- What's your problem, bro? - [Kevin.]
She's a creep.
Look at her.
Now she gonna do something weird.
[laughs.]
[Kevin.]
My dad, we knew he was on drugs.
We would say, "Let's give him something to do.
Let's get him a job.
" That's when my brother got a barbershop.
He said, "I'm getting Dad to paint it, do the electrical work.
Do everything there.
" And what my dad ended up doing was stealing the stuff out of the barbershop.
And we found him.
He had my brother's car, and there was like this other woman in there who was obviously on drugs too.
And we pull up to where he can't open the door.
And he rolls down the window, and his line was, "I ran out of gas.
" That was the moment where me and my brother knew we had to get him help.
- My man.
Come here, girl.
- [girl.]
Hey, pop-pop.
Hey, baby.
Do me like your daddy.
Huh? [Kevin.]
Of course my dad's changed.
He's sober.
We got a guy that was on drugs, so When you can kick an addiction, that's evolving, that's change.
That's always embraced.
- [Henry.]
Hey, baby! - [Eniko.]
Hi, Pops! - [Henry.]
What's up? - [Eniko.]
How are you? - [Henry.]
How you been? - [Eniko.]
Good! - You know T.
You've met my daughter? - Hi, T! How are you? [woman.]
Good.
[Eniko.]
It smells like poop, sorry.
I just changed his diaper.
- [Henry.]
Hey, man.
- [Eniko.]
Come here.
Give me that phone.
- [Henry.]
What's up? - [Kevin.]
Zo, move your head.
- [Kevin.]
Move your head.
- [Henry.]
Man! Come here, man.
Come here.
[Henry laughs.]
Man, I'm out of breath.
- [girl.]
He can barely walk.
- [Kevin.]
Where's that going? [Henry.]
Come here.
[Henry.]
Hey, man.
Wait a minute.
Look.
Do you want me? I'm the man.
[Eniko.]
He see daddy over there.
- [Eniko.]
He is silent.
- I'm just excited.
[Eniko laughs.]
[Eniko.]
He wanted to see his grandbaby - for the first time.
- Zo, come here! [Kevin.]
Sit down and sit up on the couch with your old ass.
We're trying to do it all in two seconds.
[chuckles.]
[Kevin.]
My dad had lung cancer, beat that, and I think now he has what they call COPD.
It affects his breathing.
[wheezing.]
[Kevin.]
He needs air.
[Kevin.]
Aw, you see Grandpop? Better look at him now while he can breathe.
[Henry chuckles.]
[Kevin.]
You can't fake a a bond that's not a bond.
There's love.
There's father-son love.
But that doesn't mean that there's a bond.
That doesn't mean there's an inseparable bond.
And that's not given.
That's earned.
From anybody.
It's earned.
[Eniko.]
You wanna look at this? [Kevin.]
Just do the cheesesteak rolls for him.
Dad, you wanna do a burger or something that you can gnaw on? Or you want some soup? Fuck you! Excuse my mouth.
Excuse me.
[Kevin.]
You can't chew like that.
No, I'm good.
Hamburger.
- [Kevin.]
Watch out for a second.
- [Eniko.]
All right.
[girl.]
Why did he curse at you? [Kevin.]
He's crazy.
[Eniko.]
Pops, do you want cheese, or no? [Henry.]
I love my boy.
He loves his family.
Not just his immediate family, he love all his family.
I'm proud of what he's become.
I'm glad God granted me the time to stay here to see this much.
I'm kinda low-keyed about it, but you say the wrong thing about my son, I'll try to punch you dead in your face.
[Kevin.]
You gotta understand, you're a product of your environment.
You're a product of your environment.
So I don't know who my dad's dad was.
I couldn't point him out in a picture if you lined it up and put it with a bunch of different pictures of grandpops.
I never met him.
But I can tell you by the way that my dad was raising us that the way he was raised wasn't correct.
I can tell you that he is the way he is for a reason.
It's passed down.
[Henry.]
I want me and you to sit and talk for, like, two or three minutes.
I wanna get this portable machine.
Did you see what I got? I got a tank with stuff.
It's a portable machine I wanna get.
There's no conversation.
All you have to do is say, "Kev, I need this so I can" [Henry.]
I need this.
[Kevin.]
Whatever it is.
[Henry.]
I need $7,000.
I'll just give you twenty.
- That's more than enough.
- [Kevin.]
There you go.
- Okay.
- Do you see how easy these things are that you try to make these big, difficult things? [Kevin.]
Take two punches, brother.
Two punches.
That's it.
Good night.
Two.
I'm gonna hit you one here.
That's gonna take you out.
And I'm following up with an upper cut, and that's gonna put you down.
It's got two punches.
Unless you want your grandkids to see it, better back up.
You'd better back up.
[laughs.]
Bless you.
Look at you.
See? Look, look, look.
[laughing.]
- Look.
- We be gettin' real, man.
[Kevin.]
Whatever you need is okay.
If these are your last years, I'm trying to help make them the best possible years.
I have no grudge.
I have no hate.
I have no resentment.
Never have.
How long you ride the bike? Ten minutes.
- [Kevin.]
You ain't riding for ten minutes.
- [Henry.]
Kev, I'm telling you He's like, "He ain't riding a bike for ten minutes.
" [Kevin.]
Nothing you can tell me.
Tell you something else I do.
I jump on the floor when I know they ain't around, and I'll do 25, 30 push-ups.
- Now, after I do them - [Robert.]
Dad [laughing.]
Dad! Dad! Come on, stop.
[Kevin.]
No.
No, Dad! Wait until you get the mask.
[Henry.]
One.
Count! Count! - [Kevin.]
Oh, shit! - [Henry.]
Count, boy.
[Kevin.]
Four, five, six - [Kevin.]
Oh, I told you he got it.
- [Robert.]
But he ain't got no 25.
Come on! I'm gonna do ten now.
Y'all ain't bettin'.
If you didn't have them keys on, I think you could have gotten 25.
[laughs.]
[Robert laughing.]
It's the keys weighs you down! If you didn't have them keys on, you could have got it! [Robert.]
Whatcha gonna do? Gonna go over there? - [Zo crying.]
- [Robert.]
Let's see what's happening.
Let's see what's happening over here.
[Eniko.]
Come on, come on, come on.
I'm about to feed you.
- [crying.]
- [Eniko.]
Sh, sh, sh.
[Henry.]
You're rolling? I got to roll.
I got to roll, man.
Hit it.
Bam! [girl.]
Here.
[Henry.]
I'm gone.
Man, I love that.
You tell Grandpop bye.
- Bye, Pop-pop.
- Come here, boy.
[Eniko.]
Whoa! Why you grab him like that? [Henry.]
Shut up! [Eniko laughing.]
Stop! [Henry.]
You see, he stopped, didn't he? I used to do to his daddy.
"Shut up!" Bam! [woman.]
So, judging from your memoir, your father had a very macho and very aggressive idea of what it meant to be a man.
Telling you that he was disappointed in you because you weren't as deep into sports as he wanted you to be.
Do you think he was ever afraid that you weren't gonna be, like, manly? [Kevin.]
I don't think that there was a fear.
I think that my dad's vision and goal was for me to be a replica of him.
I think that, you know, any man, when you have a child, your first will and want is for your child to be a version of you.
Forty seconds left.
At 30 more seconds, we'll speed up, okay? [Kevin.]
Good job.
[Kevin.]
All right.
Let's go a little faster.
[Kevin.]
Good job.
[Kevin.]
Put the car seat in that one.
- You're not taking that one? - I want to put the car seat in this one.
- [Harry.]
That's where I'm gonna go.
- We can jump in that one.
[Harry.]
What's up, boy? I said it.
I said it to you.
[Kevin.]
Such a good baby.
There's east coast in his blood.
[Kevin.]
How you doing, sir? [Kevin.]
Oh, shit! - [Kevin.]
Oh, shoot! - [girl.]
Oh, I didn't even [girl.]
I thought these were just random people.
[Kevin.]
Holy shit! [girl.]
Is that uncle? [Kevin.]
No, that's me! [laughing.]
- [Eniko.]
I'm glad you love it, my love.
- [Kevin.]
I do as it tells a story.
[Kevin.]
Look at this right here! - [Kevin.]
That's Grandpop.
That's me.
- [girl.]
He looks like Lionel Richie.
[Kevin.]
Look, that's me, and then that's uncle.
Look at Mom.
[Kevin.]
Oh, my God! [Kevin.]
My wife did an amazing thing.
She knows that I'm a freak for pictures.
Babe, this dope as hell.
[Eniko.]
We're gonna go out and see Daddy when he go out, okay? [woman.]
Your dad's on the road a lot.
How is that for you, like, when he's not around? I do miss him when he's not around.
When he's not around, I'm also with my mom.
It's I don't know.
I guess I'm used to it? [Kevin.]
I mean, my dad wasn't around that much as I was growing up.
You know, you naturally get accustomed to a departure, and you embrace when there's a presence, and when there's not, you're fine.
[man over PA.]
Ladies and gentlemen, if you're ready for Kevin Hart.
I gotta go now.
[over PA.]
Please put your hands together.
[cheering.]
[Kevin.]
I really credit my wife for making me understand the importance of just being there, you know? I already knew, but just reiterating.
You know, in life, I think the one thing that you realize as you grow, as you get older is that you need you need a partner.
You know, you need a team.
You can't do it by yourself.
As much as you think you can, you can't.
And I can say that I have a great team.
[Kevin.]
He nervous.
[Kevin.]
You nervous.
[Kevin.]
You back here nervous like a bitch.
[Kevin.]
How long it take to do all this shit? - Well, I don't know how to tie no bow tie.
- [Kevin.]
So what? [Harry.]
What up, killer? Boy, you look cool.
No, you look good, man.
Top to bottom.
Let me see you, brother.
Let me look at you.
Hold on, now.
No, let me see you, brother.
[Kevin.]
Got the double.
[Kevin.]
You got the double with the goddamn shebang-bang.
[Kevin.]
Your buttons lined up.
Looking executive, but looking like you ready to make a big decision with your life.
- Again.
- Again.
- But this time, the happy way.
- This one's gonna work.
They say the first is the worst, the second is the best.
- Third is - [talking at once.]
[both laugh.]
[Kevin.]
I've had a lot of families in my life.
I had the family I was born into, my mom, my dad, my brother.
But because my life took me in a different direction, I got a second chance.
I had the family I married and fathered.
Then I have the family I work with, my fellow road warriors.
[Harry.]
A few of us have family situations where our dads weren't present.
My dad passed away when I was really young.
Joey's dad walked out on him.
Kev's dad, you know, absent because of, you know, drugs and street life.
We kind of created a bond because it's something that's relatable, and we try to make each other better, um in the absence of fathers.
[Kevin.]
Like you, nigga.
Your day is your day but, more importantly, your fucking moment.
It's a moment, brother.
Don't not take this shit the way you're supposed to.
It's a fucking huge-ass day.
Yeah, Rodney.
[man.]
Yo, we gotta go! [men chatting indistinctly.]
[Harry.]
This shit's hard to take off, man.
I'm gonna mess that.
I can't [Harry.]
All right.
I'll get somebody.
Don't worry about it.
I got it.
Say Say your prayer before you go down there.
It's fucking huge.
We good.
[Harry.]
I love you, bro.
[man.]
All right.
Let's go, guys.
[man.]
Mr.
and Mrs.
Harry and Kai Ratchford.
- Give it up! Let them know you love 'em.
- [cheering.]
- [man 1.]
Yeah! - [man 2.]
Yeah! [Kevin.]
Get in there, boy! [Kevin.]
Ah, yeah! [Kevin.]
Yeah! Chapped lips for everybody.
[Harry.]
I would just like to say thank you, guys, for coming out.
We really feel the love with the people here with us.
And I would just like to toast my very beautiful bride [cheering.]
Wow! Wow! But thank you so much, and cheers.
- [Kevin.]
Yes! Cheers.
- [crowd.]
Cheers! - To the Ratchfords! - [cheering.]
Ratchfords! [Harry.]
Oh! That'll put lead in your pencil.
[Harry.]
Put lead in your pencil.
Yeah, you'd better take two, then.
[Kevin.]
I'll tell you something.
You go through so many different levels in life, man.
I love the man that I'm fucking becoming.
I love it.
Right now I'm at a new stage.
Me and my wife just had a baby a year ago.
My son just turned one this fucking week, man.
Kenzo Kash Hart.
[cheering and applause.]
Father of three now.
[Eniko.]
In the beginning, he did not want more kids.
He was like, "No, I'm done.
I got a girl.
I have a boy.
What else do I need?" And I was like, "Well, if this thing does work out with us, we got to think about a kid.
Like, I want my own, you know?" And it happened.
It was seven months after our wedding.
When I found out, we were in Philadelphia.
He was filming.
I called him.
I'm like, "It's happening.
Like, we're having a baby.
" He starts screaming.
He's going crazy.
Turn to the side.
Let me see it.
Turn to the Come on, come on.
Trick everybody.
[laughing.]
That was amazing.
[Harry.]
A couple of months later, me and Kev was driving to Asheville, North Carolina.
Um We seldom drive anymore, so it was kind of a nostalgic feel, like the old days when we used to drive around and do shows, um, listening to music, having a good time.
And Kev got a call from his wife.
Um, I knew it was something serious when I heard her curse.
And I was like, that was aggressive.
He was quiet the whole time.
Then he pulled up this video.
He was like, "Shit!" And he showed me, and I was like, "Shit!" [Kevin on video.]
Marriage number two.
That means this has to work.
It has to work.
If this marriage doesn't work, I gotta start looking at myself like I may be the problem.
And this [laughs.]
It may be me.
Like, all this time, it may have been fucking me.
[Harry.]
Once we got to Asheville, we all gathered in his room, and he kind of told us, uh, that there was this girl, and somehow there was a tape of them together.
And we all saw the tape.
Everybody was completely blindsided, and he just kind of wanted to get everybody's opinion on how we as a group and as a company should deal with what's about to happen.
I'm at a place in my life where I feel like I have a target on my back, and because of that, I should make smart decisions.
And recently, I didn't.
Um You know, I'm not perfect.
I'm not gonna sit up here and say that I am or claim to be in any way, shape or form.
And I made a bad error in judgment and put myself in an environment where only bad things can happen, and they did.
And in doing that, I know that I'm gonna hurt the people closest to me, being my wife and my kids.
Um And I just You know, it's a shitty moment.
It's a shitty moment when you know you're wrong, and there's no excuses for your wrong behavior.
[Harry.]
I'm like, "Oh, shit! The shit's gonna hit the fan.
"