Knight Squad (2018) s01e02 Episode Script

1 Hey, hey hey - Are we there yet? - Yep! Just take two more step Oh, guess it was just one step.
Welcome to the Phoenix Squad rec room.
Whoa.
And ow! Each squad gets their own hangout in the castle.
But only ours has this.
Prudence from downtown! [deep voice.]
Yes! [rumbling.]
Sorry, I get a little excited.
Want to read a book by the crystal fireplace? Just call out a title.
Bookshelf, "Diary of a Whimpy Knight.
" - [whack.]
- [groans.]
I always said reading was dangerous.
And if you want to chill out, try one of our magical jelly beanbag chairs.
[tinkling.]
My butt's gonna love that! Just don't eat the jelly beans.
You'll explode.
[horn.]
That's the horn for knight school.
We better go.
Ciarra, wait.
I-I need you to Yes, Arc.
I promise I'll keep your secret that you lied your way into knight school.
No, I-I need help out of this candy trap.
[tinkling.]
[shrieks.]
You touched my ring! I know! Your princess is showing! [tinkling.]
Next time, remind me to use my other hand so no one else finds out my secret.
It's okay.
They left.
Trust me, Warwick always forgets something.
Forgot my shield.
Oh, and my sword.
Ahh, oh, ahh I may only be a quarter giant, but I'm 100% hungry.
[eats loudly.]
Good job, Prudy! You didn't eat the bone this time! - [thud.]
- BOY: Ouch! I know that ouch.
Fizz, what are you doing here? I want to see my hero in action.
Thanks, kid.
But, uh, I put my battle pants on one leg at a time, just like you.
Heh, heh.
Not you, Hair Gel.
He means Warwick.
This is his little brother, Fizzwick.
Oh, you can't keep sneaking into knight school.
But you're always telling me how you're the best knight in this school since Dad.
I need to soak in my brother's awesomeness.
What you need to do is go soak in a shower, Garbage Boy! Yes! Warwick gave me a nickname! Squads, gather around! Kraken Squad, Unicorn Squad, Phoenix Squad.
As you know, only the best squad in knight school will become knights.
And to help decide, I'm proud to announce the annual Roxbury Cup.
SQUADS: Yeah! The competition is named for Sir Roxbury, who saved Astoria from the great ocean hag infestation which really wasn't all that-that great, by the way.
It wasn't.
You have until tomorrow to inform me who from your squad will compete to win the cup.
[clank.]
Jeez, how will we ever decide? - I'm doin' it! - Are you sure? 'Cause Ciarra beats you all the time, and I have to cheer you up with my happy dance.
[giggles.]
I was the best in knight school before Ciarra showed up.
Maybe if I beat her in front of the whole castle, then everyone will remember how great I am.
Then I can do my happy dance too.
- Ah, yeah! - [giggles.]
That looks the same as your mean dance.
[giggles.]
Hey, since I'm the new guy, I'd love a chance to compete for us.
Arc, that's so nice of you.
No.
Why do you get to decide? Because I want to win like I always do.
Well, I want to win that big fancy cup.
You can hold mine after I win.
- I'm gonna win.
- No, I'm gonna win.
- ARC: No, I'm gonna win! - CIARRA: No, I'm gonna win! Should we take away their swords? [clanking.]
That's a yes.
Whoa, oh, oh, hey Whoa, oh, oh Whoa, oh, oh, oh Ah Whoa, oh, oh, hey Whoa, oh, oh Oh, we will be here We are the Knight Squad Hey - CIARRA: No, I'm gonna win! - ARC: No, I'm gonna win! - CIARRA: No, I'm gonna win! - No, I'm gonna win! - No, I'm gonna win! - Guys! You've been shouting at each other for hours.
You have to settle this.
- I want to settle this.
- No, I want to settle this.
What about a coin flip? Good idea.
Coin, get over here.
You called for me? Arc, this is Coin.
He's a flipping elf.
I call tails.
I'm assuming that's his butt.
Arc's the butt.
That checks out.
Hit it, Coin.
Flippity-flip-flip! Whoa! Tails.
Arc wins.
Yeah! Oh, come on! That elf is bottom heavy.
Too late.
The elf's big booty has spoken.
I'm in the Roxbury Cup.
[tinkling.]
Fizz, I told you you're not allowed to hang out at knight school.
I work here now.
You're looking at knight school's new dean of bookcases.
He means knight school's janitor.
Now, go spit clean the weapons.
I get to spit on stuff? This job keeps getting better! This is bad.
I've been keeping Fizz away from knight school so he wouldn't realize You're not as amazing as you told him you are.
No one is that amazing.
No one.
Relax.
You're getting better every day.
You know what? You're right.
I'm gonna be a legendary knight just like my dad.
- [whoosh.]
- [clank.]
It was their fault for standing there.
Attention, students! It's time to find out who will compete in the Roxbury Cup.
First up, Kraken Squad.
[woosh.]
SIR GARETH: Kraken's choice is Sage.
Welcome to the age of Sage.
Yeah, she's done embarrassing herself.
[giggles.]
And next, Phoenix Squad.
[uplifting music.]
What is that? It's my intro music.
It's my first knight school contest.
I have to make a splash.
What? You're sitting this out? I need to take you down.
Not some chump doing the Funky Griffin.
Sage, mind your own business.
Oh.
I get what's going on.
You're letting Arc compete because you know I'm finally gonna beat you.
Loser! Oh, you want a loser? You got a loser! That came out wrong! The Phoenix Squad's choice is [whoosh.]
SIR GARETH: Ciarra.
What? Yeah, next time, pick a shorter intro song.
Just tighten it.
Look, I am so sorry, Arc.
Sage said things and I kinda just lost my mind.
You get that, right? I get that you stole my spot.
You know, I really wanted this.
Why do you always have to win? I don't.
I just always have to not lose.
- Isn't that the same thing? - You're the same thing! Well, it's about time someone taught you that winning isn't everything, and that someone is me.
Cue my outro music! [uplifting music.]
Hey, hey, hey That's it.
I'm taking you down to Fizz Tower.
Fizz, what are you doing? That kid said Warwick isn't in the Roxbury Cup because he stinks.
Whaaaat? Yeah, whaaaat? I know, right? But seriously, bro, why aren't you competing? I didn't want to tell you this, but Sir Gareth gave me a special assignment during the match.
I have to Protect the castle.
- Yeah.
- Yup! What's going to attack? A monster? A scary monster that's part fish, part Sasquatch.
A Basquatch! Of course.
They're in season.
Which is why the top student in knight school has to save the castle.
While the top student's brother cheers him on.
That's right! Wait, what, no.
That's very wrong.
[growls in frustration.]
Prudy, if a Basquatch doesn't attack, Fizz will know I'm a phony.
Then we'll just have to make sure a Basquatch shows up.
To be clear, you're gonna dress up like a Basquatch, right? I have a fur bodysuit in my closet.
Why? Because sometimes I like to feel pretty.
Hey Na, na, nana Na, na, nana, na, na It is a beautiful day for a royal speed walk in my new exercise crown.
[slurps.]
My King? May I bother you for a sec? I'm here on behalf of the students of knight school to invite the princess to attend our Roxbury Cup tomorrow.
Uh, that is very nice of you, but I already have plans.
What plans? I'm, uh, practicing my princess wave.
See? It's like a wet noodle.
Nonsense! I command you to attend the Roxbury Cup.
And we're walking! Do you have any idea of what you just did? Well, I made it so Ciarra will have to quit the competition and I'll take her place.
Ciarra can't quit.
Quitters get kicked out of knight school.
- They do? - Yes.
And thanks to you, I also have to be there as the princess.
Well, how are you gonna be in two places at oh, I see it now.
Hey, hey, hey Oh, hey Oh, hey Oh, what a day.
Ooh, jelly beans! Uh oh.
[spits.]
[tinkling.]
Whoa, you have another secret passage? Well, let's talk about that, forget everything else that happened today.
You ruined my knight school dreams.
You started this when you ruined my Roxbury Cup dreams.
You mean the dream you've had since yesterday? Look, I'm the new guy.
All right? I'm not gonna feel like a real member of the Phoenix Squad unless I prove I make us stronger.
I didn't know you felt that way.
You wouldn't, 'cause all you care about is winning.
That's because this whole kingdom thinks of me as just a princess.
I want to become a knight to show them I'm more than that.
And the only way I can do that is if I keep winning.
You make it really hard to stay mad at you when you say stuff like that.
Now I have to figure out how the princess and Ciarra can be at the Roxbury Cup at the same time.
We need to figure it out.
We made a promise to protect each other's secrets, and that's what we're gonna do.
That means a lot.
Now that we're cool, can I use your secret passageway? We're not that cool.
Ah Oh, na, na Nana, na, na, na Okay, when the Basquatch comes, I'll sneak up on him as he gets distracted by his favorite food, shrimp calzones.
[roaring.]
It's coming! [roaring.]
[snorting.]
Basquatch, meet my foot.
[growls.]
Oh no! Great costume, Prudy! Let's make this quick so we can go watch Ciarra win.
Okay, here come the slaps.
[roars.]
- Aah! - [thud.]
BASQUATCH: [growls.]
Prudy, what gives? Oh, you're not Prudy! Let me guess, here comes the slaps? [growls.]
Hey Hey, hey, hey Okay, I told Sir Gareth the princess was sick and contagious.
So you say hello, then watch from inside this hut.
Then I'll transform into Ciarra and win that cup.
Then we go home through your secret passageway.
It's still not gonna happen.
[trumpet fanfare.]
Welcome to the Roxbury Cup! [cheers and applause.]
Our princess must watch from that hut because she has a revolting case of bubble gut.
You could've just said I had a cold.
Yeah, I could've.
Princess, so you have any words for the students? I do, Sir Gareth.
Be brave! And stay out of my hut.
For Astoria! CROWD: For Astoria! [tinkling.]
To begin, let's welcome Sage from Kraken Squad.
[cheers and applause.]
I knew you'd win, Sage! Happy dance! Haven't started yet, Buttercup.
Okay.
Nigel from Unicorn Squad.
[cheers and applause.]
And for Phoenix Squad, Ciarra! [cheers and applause.]
- I'm here! - Oh, sorry.
I didn't see you.
You were on my patch side.
There you are.
For this year's competition, we will playing Capture the Hag.
[cackles.]
FYI, I'm the hag.
[cackles.]
This is a full contact battle.
The first student to capture the hag in their net wins the cup.
[tense music.]
[cackles.]
Oh, you'll never catch me, land lovers! [cackling continues.]
That hag's more slippery than the baby mermaid that ate off my toe.
[tinkling.]
You [growls.]
Prudy, looking great, girl.
Aww! Thanks.
[growls.]
- Aah! - [thud.]
I'm gonna go tell Warwick how great he's doing.
BASQUATCH: [roars.]
That's a real Basquatch, Prudy.
I know you're scared.
[growls.]
But you've got two choices.
You can run and hide.
Done.
Where was I? Or you can stay here and fight this thing.
If you do that, you may just become the brave knight you've been telling your brother about.
BASQUATCH: [growls.]
Yeah, you're right.
I can do this.
I'm the mighty Warwick, the [roars.]
[rippling sound.]
[roars.]
[tree branches breaking.]
Whoa, oh, oh, oh! Bro! He fell right into your tree trap! Yeah, I call that one the Branch Lanch.
I'm gonna go tell everyone you don't stink.
We did it, Prudy.
Only I have to pretend to be brave for four more years.
Let's go watch Ciarra win the cup.
You forgot your sword.
Oh, I forgot my sword again.
HAG: [cackles.]
[cackles.]
Yo, Hag! Get your ugly butt in my net! Sea talk won't work on me! [cackles.]
[yelps.]
[cackles.]
Princess, are you enjoying the contest? Uh oh! Princess, are you okay? [imitates the princess.]
Oh, oh, yes, Sir Gareth.
It's me, the princess.
And I'm enjoying the match.
It's-it's-it's fun, with a splash of weird.
Even sick, you have the voice of an angel.
Of course, that-that baby mermaid also ate my eardrum.
[cackles.]
[yelps.]
Ooh, tough break.
Broken net.
Nigel's out.
It's down to Sage and Ciarra.
HAG: [cackles.]
I thought this would be complicated, but it's actually going really well.
I demand to see my daughter.
Spoke too soon.
Hey Na, na, nana KING: Step aside.
I heard my baby girl has bubble gut, and I must see her.
Oh, uh, my King, you don't want to see that.
She's been ripping major belches in there.
Open the bubble gut hut! Oops, I just triple knotted it.
You said "oops," but you clearly did that on purpose.
Guards, arrest him! [grunting.]
Wazow! HAG: [cackles.]
[crash.]
[cackles.]
You missed again! Did I? I got your magic shell.
[gasps.]
Oh, oh, poop deck.
Without her magic shell, the hag is powerless.
Ciarra's about to win! Go, bestie! Snag that hag! [cackles.]
Wazow, ow, ow! You're going to the dungeon.
The dungeon? Whoopsie! I better go get that.
She really Warwicked that.
Hey! [shrieks.]
Ow! Oh, you've captured the hag.
[cheers and applause.]
Sage wins the Roxbury Cup! Buttercup, we actually beat Ciarra! BOTH: Happy dance! [tinkling.]
Take him away.
Wait! I asked him to guard my hut.
Dad, tell your guards to free, uh what-what's your name? Fart? It's Arc.
[no audible speech.]
Honey, are you still feeling sick? Uh, nope.
I was cured by thinking about how lucky I am to have you as a dad.
Aww, honey! Bring me the I'm not crying, you're crying crown.
Nobody look at me! [tinkling.]
Wait, Arc, you talked to the princess? Yeah, I put in a good word for you, buddy.
Which word? Pants? Oh, hey, I'm sorry you lost, Ciarra.
It's okay.
I'm fine.
Arc helped me realize winning isn't everything.
Wow, no one in this squad has ever been able to do that before.
- Good job, new guy.
- Yeah.
Thanks to Arc, our team's never been stronger.
[weepily.]
That's all I wanted to hear.
Squad hug! Eew, who smells like dolphin barf? [gasps.]
That would be me.
[inhales deeply.]
Well, what the heck? [giggles.]
Hey