Lastman (2016) s01e02 Episode Script
Tu dis ça parce que j'ai une grenade
1
I'm sorry
but I've got to turn down the role.
Of course it's a major role!
No, it's because of my mother.
Yes, she's sick.
Yes
I hope we'll have get to work together
eventually.
We agreed
you'd never work with that sleazebag.
You'd have to be naked.
It's a musical in a beach setting.
It's a real job!
That asshole wanted to screw you!
How do I know it hasn't happened yet?
How did you even get that role?
Don't worry:
I'll find out if you cheat on me
and I'll kill you,
I'll kill your lover,
and then I'll kill myself too
And then I'll
Wellington boarding school!
There are machine gun-wielding crazies!
Send someone, goddammit!
Are you out of your mind?
You don't know my boyfriend,
he'll kill you!
He'll have to stand in line then,
there's a waiting list
I'm gonna kill you, motherfucker!
LASTMAN
THE STRANGER
You're saying this
because I have a grenade
10 minutes earlier.
Siri
Your father I mean Dave
Damn.
I don't know how to tell you this
They're here! They're coming!
Siri?
Where are you? Tell me!
Tell me where you are!
Wellington boarding school
Shit! Shit! Shit!
Paxtown police department.
What's your emergency?
I'm gonna kill him
Bring me the girl.
So that's your lover, right?
I knew it!
I swear I don't know that guy, Bernard!
How could you do this to me?
Why did I hook up with an artist?
Shut up! My best bud just got iced,
his kid's in danger
You shut up!
Blah blah blah Nobody gives
a shit about your problems!
You fucked my girl, asshole!
I'm gonna kill you! And then
Stop it!
Let me go, son of a bitch,
or I'll blow us all up!
So who's the boss now, huh?
LASTMAN
THE STRANGER
Richard
Richard's busy, darling.
What's your name?
Let me talk to her!
I told you about her!
See, he wasn't lying.
Stop it now, Bernard!
You just shut up and dig!
And you shut up too!
I can't hear myself think.
Yeah! I got bad news for you.
Your man's been sleeping
with my girl for years.
Come again?
Who's this?
Hold on, sweetie!
Back up or I'll blow us all up!
Bernard, please stop!
I'll stop being an actress
if it makes you so jealous.
You're saying this
because I have a grenade.
Shut up!
Shut your mouth! Shut your mouth!
Shut Your Mouth!
Asshole!
You're the asshole!
If you let go of me now,
we both blow up!
So who's the asshole now
Hold on No!
Hello again. Yes, it's Tomie Katana.
Is the role still available?
I'll borrow your ride.
My mother?
She's better
I mean she died. I mean
Yes, it's sad
So is the role still available?
LASTMAN
THE STRANGER
Nothing yet?
Not yet.
She can't have gone too far.
We have one No, two problems
Hold on We can use them.
Here! Help me!
Someone help me!
Now.
Help!
What do you want?
What did you do to my father?
I killed him.
Why?
I ask the questions.
What's your name?
Siri
You're not the one I'm talking to.
Let me give you a little nudge.
Tell me your name!
We have a new guest.
Tell me your name!
What the fuck!
"Earth, sky, her breath nourishes"
What did you do to my father?
"Breathing life into her bosom
Beyond it lies the cold, cold night"
"From the abysmal fires
From which no one comes back.
"Devoured by the souls
Blooming in the flesh"
Break Queen Iguana's egg
and reveal yourself!
Reveal yourself!
What's this?
No!
No!
Are you still there?
Is daddy dead?
I'll take you to your mother, OK?
Where does she live, sweetie?
You have a mom, don't you?
OK.
We'll manage.
We'll manage
To be continued
I'm sorry
but I've got to turn down the role.
Of course it's a major role!
No, it's because of my mother.
Yes, she's sick.
Yes
I hope we'll have get to work together
eventually.
We agreed
you'd never work with that sleazebag.
You'd have to be naked.
It's a musical in a beach setting.
It's a real job!
That asshole wanted to screw you!
How do I know it hasn't happened yet?
How did you even get that role?
Don't worry:
I'll find out if you cheat on me
and I'll kill you,
I'll kill your lover,
and then I'll kill myself too
And then I'll
Wellington boarding school!
There are machine gun-wielding crazies!
Send someone, goddammit!
Are you out of your mind?
You don't know my boyfriend,
he'll kill you!
He'll have to stand in line then,
there's a waiting list
I'm gonna kill you, motherfucker!
LASTMAN
THE STRANGER
You're saying this
because I have a grenade
10 minutes earlier.
Siri
Your father I mean Dave
Damn.
I don't know how to tell you this
They're here! They're coming!
Siri?
Where are you? Tell me!
Tell me where you are!
Wellington boarding school
Shit! Shit! Shit!
Paxtown police department.
What's your emergency?
I'm gonna kill him
Bring me the girl.
So that's your lover, right?
I knew it!
I swear I don't know that guy, Bernard!
How could you do this to me?
Why did I hook up with an artist?
Shut up! My best bud just got iced,
his kid's in danger
You shut up!
Blah blah blah Nobody gives
a shit about your problems!
You fucked my girl, asshole!
I'm gonna kill you! And then
Stop it!
Let me go, son of a bitch,
or I'll blow us all up!
So who's the boss now, huh?
LASTMAN
THE STRANGER
Richard
Richard's busy, darling.
What's your name?
Let me talk to her!
I told you about her!
See, he wasn't lying.
Stop it now, Bernard!
You just shut up and dig!
And you shut up too!
I can't hear myself think.
Yeah! I got bad news for you.
Your man's been sleeping
with my girl for years.
Come again?
Who's this?
Hold on, sweetie!
Back up or I'll blow us all up!
Bernard, please stop!
I'll stop being an actress
if it makes you so jealous.
You're saying this
because I have a grenade.
Shut up!
Shut your mouth! Shut your mouth!
Shut Your Mouth!
Asshole!
You're the asshole!
If you let go of me now,
we both blow up!
So who's the asshole now
Hold on No!
Hello again. Yes, it's Tomie Katana.
Is the role still available?
I'll borrow your ride.
My mother?
She's better
I mean she died. I mean
Yes, it's sad
So is the role still available?
LASTMAN
THE STRANGER
Nothing yet?
Not yet.
She can't have gone too far.
We have one No, two problems
Hold on We can use them.
Here! Help me!
Someone help me!
Now.
Help!
What do you want?
What did you do to my father?
I killed him.
Why?
I ask the questions.
What's your name?
Siri
You're not the one I'm talking to.
Let me give you a little nudge.
Tell me your name!
We have a new guest.
Tell me your name!
What the fuck!
"Earth, sky, her breath nourishes"
What did you do to my father?
"Breathing life into her bosom
Beyond it lies the cold, cold night"
"From the abysmal fires
From which no one comes back.
"Devoured by the souls
Blooming in the flesh"
Break Queen Iguana's egg
and reveal yourself!
Reveal yourself!
What's this?
No!
No!
Are you still there?
Is daddy dead?
I'll take you to your mother, OK?
Where does she live, sweetie?
You have a mom, don't you?
OK.
We'll manage.
We'll manage
To be continued