Lexx s01e02 Episode Script

I am the Lexx I am the most powerful weapon of destruction in the two universes.
I was grown on the Cluster, which is ruled by His Shadow The food was good there.
My captain is Stanley Tweedle I blow up planets for him Stanley used to be a security guard class 4 on the Cluster, until he became a fugitive This fugitive wanted, for immediate termination.
He is my captain now because he got my key from heretics who wanted to steal me Take us away from here, ake us out past the frontier, take us someplace better!! But he was the one who took me away Stan was helped by Zev of B3K She was made into a love slave as punishment for failing to perform her wifely duties but things went wrong Now she is part Cluster lizard so sometimes she is not a nice lady See ya, lover boy!.
A robot head, 790, got part of the love slave transformation that was meant for her I will love you forever! He is in my crew too Because she is a love slave, Zev likes men Hi except for Stanley Tweedle The only other man on board is Kai, last of the Brunnen G, but he is dead so he can't make Zev happy and all of his people were killed.
They kept Kai's body and used him as an assassin Who would you like me to kill? but he got his memory back from a Divine Predecessor, and then he became part of my crew The Time Prophet said that Kai would destroy His Shadow's order They will be destroyed at the hands of the Brunnen G.
But that will be hard because his protoblood is running out and he must stay inside a very cold box Be certain of your need before you choose to reanimate me My crew are afraid of His Shadow, the ruler of the Light Universe My priority must now be to end this prophecy His Shadow wants me back, and he wants his Divine Predecessors back too But he especially wants Kai destroyed because he is afraid of the prophecy.
Zev, Kai and Stan don't want that They took me beyond His Shadow's reach through a fractal core into the Dark Zone, the universe of evil and chaos Kai! And now we are looking for a new home LEXX 2.
0: SUPERNOVA All morn by the Zev Zev All morn by the Zev I lay I found her lips pressed to my mouth screen And welcomed a brand new day My name is Karfo Mashet.
The children of my planet are dying.
My people, the Vorm, have launched me into the unknown vastness of space in order that I might contact intelligent life, who can help us learn how to fight the devastating Macomarian plague which threatens our entire race with extinction.
My body, frozen in this suspended form, will drift through the cosmos in desperate search for a cure.
Please, kind strangers, help the children of Vorm.
Alert, alert, approaching object detected.
organic, possibly intelligent.
Revivification sequence activated.
Ouch! I felt her legs wrapped round my tubing Squeezing my troubles away.
All eve by the Zev Zev All eve by the Zev I lay I found her fist inside my neck stump And pleaded for it to stay You're dead - and I'm dying All week by the Zev Zev All week by the Zev I lay I felt her breasts against my eye sockets Causing my circuits to fray All year by the Zev Zev All year by the Zev I lay I found her smile bathing my being Oh, it should always be this way Zev! I was just thinking of you Again? Don't touch me! It lives Welcome back to consciousness, abscess on the pimple of life You know you're pretty yappy for a, a rusty head, thing who who The simple protein sack cannot even compose a proper insult Yeah, well this protein sack is captain of the ship.
Was that supposed to be a threat? How biological of you Have you found anything yet? How's it going? I have found 7,400,963 standard planets orbiting dying stars.
Any one of them could turn out to be Brunnis.
but it will take over 75,000 years to analyse them all Well then - the sooner we get started the better Excuse me - did you hear what the appliance said? - Yes, I heard We are talking about thousands and thousands of years here If you think captain Stanley H Tweedle is going to spend the rest of his days wandering around the universe looking for some, some lifeless rock - you're wrong Stanley.
Brunnis is the original planet of the Brunnen G If we can find it we might be able to find a way to bring Kai back to life Kai? - oh, you mean dear departed dead Kai - He's not completely dead Oh right, I forgot - he's an animated corpse with enough artificial blood to keep him going for ten days After that, he's dead - as in not coming back to life He saved our lives What lives? The ones we're spending lost in the Dark Zone, looking for an abandoned planet? Forget it! The Lexx doesn't go anywhere until captain Stan puts his magic hand on the template Thank you for your help Did you want something Stan? Well - yes ah, yes Zev I do, er, well, it's like this you see, I well - look Zev, this is ridiculous.
I mean, we're the only two people in this whole universe, right? - Except for Kai - All right, the only two living people in this whole universe and I just think that we need to try and get along better You want me, don't you Stan? Oh, yeah well, I mean you were transformed into a love slave The transformation was not completed.
They did not get to my mind But, ah, you did admit that your, you know, your sexual needs were somewhat increased My sexual needs were not somewhat increased, Stanley Tweedle they are now beyond measurement In fact, they have become almost uncontrollable.
I am a white hot volcano of desire I now have a nearly unquenchable desire for sexual fulfilment This body needs to be touched, stroked, pleasured I'm a volcano too Oh? Then there is only one thing for you to do, Stanley Tweedle Yes, yes, yes Go somewhere private, and erupt by yourself Giggerota dines again! Your most foolish and unimportant desire planet Brunnis is my joy to the infinite power of ecstasy to fulfil However, galaxy of sweetness and light, I have scanned three systems so far but have found nothing I believe it is a futile exercise, your loveliness You are right Stan? - what are you doing there? I believe he is attempting to put an end to his pathetic life - but he seems to be taking all day! Don't try to stop me, Zev Oh - I wasn't planning to I'm going to jump, then you'll be all alone - drifting in a spacecraft you can't control, through an empty universe What do you think about that? I think you should get on with it Makes sense to me Realistically Stan, there is just not much to like about you.
- You're old.
Unattractive - Define unattractive Where to begin? Self-centred.
Vain.
Weak willed.
Treacherous But if you just give me a chance, one little chance maybe you'd learn to love me No.
Well - one more thing before I go A dying man's last request Could I - could I have a kiss? Well - thunder? Lightning? Electricity? A spark? Uh uh You're in love with the dead guy He's not completely dead This is incredible The last available woman in the entire universe, and she's passing me over for a corpse Please, don't let go! I thought you wanted to jump He does, he does! Please Zev, please! You're really heavy Stan I don't know if I can hold you Yes you can, you can No, no you can't! Oh, don't let me fall I'm trying Stan, I'm trying Maybe - Maybe what? Maybe if you help me get to Brunnis I might find some strength Blackmail! Don't do it Tweedle be a man.
Fall, fall! Well? Yes, I agree, I agree we'll go to Brunnis How about another kiss? We have a deal Stanley Let's go get Kai Hello, sleeping meat Giggerota the Wicked! Mmm - fresh meat tastes better than frozen You - you're a waste of skin but you, girlfriend, Giggerota will eat first Dinner is cancelled She was gonna eat my liver! Leave her on the first inhabitable planet you find Where are you going? I will return to cryostasis The crisis is over Protoblood limits my time out of the cryotube We want to go to Brunnis The planet of my ancestors Why? Maybe on Brunnis we can find a way for you to live on, out of cryostasis Why? I thought you might want that I was not aware that the Brunnen G unlocked the secrets of life and I do not want I want Well - that'll hold her Guess we should get back to the bridge, start hunting for Brunnis What do you mean, hunting? Useless piece of robot junk in there doesn't know the right co-ordinates I do This mark symbolises the journey of my people into the Light Universe I learned the exact co-ordinates of Brunnis in school You mean we're really going? Yes Oh The energy pulses from these satellites appear to have a stabilising influence upon Brunnis' decaying sun Welcome home Kai Not my home It is the place of my ancestors Here we go Deceleration, er As you request Stan The man is an idiot! As you request Stan The man is a moron! Do something! I'm concentrating, I'm concentrating! We'll impact the planet's surface in 41 seconds Decrease, er Stan! - Lexx! - Stan? - 22 I instruct you to, er - 15 - land! As you request, Stan Perfect landing - yeah The man is a moron! It must have been beautiful, once As a child I studied my ancestral planet I never thought I'd see it with my own eyes Looks like we missed the party They supply power to the stabilisers Thousands of years ago my ancestors built the stabilisers to prevent their sun from going supernova Supernova? Excuse me, but if those floating gizmos is all that's keeping this whole system from exploding, I vote that we cut this trip short They seem to be perfectly functional Oh yeah? Then where is everybody? They left when the Brunnis sun could no longer support life on the planet.
Hm Is something wrong? In my studies, I learned the Brunnis sky That star I did not learn about that star What is that? The memory chamber Everything they knew was kept in there That's one big head Just how exactly do you plan to get us through those doors? Greetings, travellers I bid you welcome Here on Brunnis, within these walls, you will find the combined knowledge of countless generations of Noia! Blah blah blah! Dullness.
Ethereal, ephemeral, allegorical dullness The blunted boredom rises from the gorge of her insufferable lips and floats like the tedious feather of a long dead bird until it lands, naked with tired memory next to your fleshy feet - ha! Oh, but she's gone now Away, away, like all the others, away, away Only I, Poet Man, have chosen to stay Well, OK, if the truth be told it wasn't exactly a choice but, be that as it may I welcome you, travellers to the Memory Catacombs of the Brunnen G! Who's he? Poet Man I take it we're going in? Of course Of course Er - who's Poetman? A poet, perhaps Days filled with whispers and murmurs and moans Nights filled with longings, and leavings alone You know, it was my fault, after all I knew we were leaving Brunnis the sun was dying But we had this farewell party, and I did a few kaboo flowers and well, you know those kaboo, ha ha! Boo! One too many, and woo! You wake up four days later and the whole planet's empty And then, like the singing of a sad silent song You awaken from slumber and everyone's gone Let's go Stay on the Lexx, watch the Lexx mind the Lexx huh, if I had a body, I'd - Metal head! Leather ass! Where is the waste of skin? You refer of course to the recently suicidal Stanley Tweedle Skinman flies the big bug Skinman takes Giggerota to new food I'm afraid that's impossible, oh large and stinking one Stanley Tweedle is not here Where is the waste of skin? I don't know Metal head will tell Giggerota, or Giggerota will eat canned food Don't waste your energy attempting to force my co-operation I have no sense of self-preservation, and can always be reassembled Then Metal head takes a trip What's that? Nothing Just the wind Metal head does not tell Giggerota the truth Leather ass makes me want to spew I remember pictures of this place It is a type of library Welcome, friends, to the Index Chamber In this place you may experience for yourself the many wonders of life's rich bounty here on Brunnis Oh, enough of her Look, come on in.
Pick a door Maybe we can find something here that will help you I do not seek help What do all these symbols mean? History the dust that shall be remembered Dust! Who wants to be remembered by their dust?! Nature rich bounty of life Nature! oh, please.
Pound nails in my head, but don't ask me to frolic in the wilderness kissing a duck! So which one? That one The bird is the Brunnen G symbol for life Life the sweetest mystery Mystery - ha! Life is the sweetest misery How does it work? I'm going to bring you back to life Kai That's all I've got left here Zev.
that symbol is not just life I still can't believe they could have forgotten about me Did not even one person care? We are talking about a superior understanding of contemplative art not that they ever recognised the beauty of the work but do they, can they realise the value of their loss? Is this a test? I mean, they did not have the right to leave without me and they will pay for their loss.
That's why I'm talking to you I am the man Brunnis is my planet now Kai! Ah! Zev! I remember.
That symbol - it means burst of life What's the difference? I do not know We should follow her We? Don't look at me, pal - she likes you Life the sweetest mystery Mystery - ha! Life is the sweetest misery Hey, wait a sec! What am I supposed to do? Giggerota! we call you! Giggerota! we seek you ! come, come, come! Giggerota! we want you! Giggerota! Well, well Welcome, great Giggerota, Giggerota the Wicked Thinking meat Giggerota wants the taste of skin, not meat in bowls Yes, yes, we understand.
You're looking for Stanley Tweedle.
Giggerota needs skin waste to fly the big bug Is that all you want? Yes Come now - surely there must be something else you desire besides the big bug machine?.
Yes Giggerota likes - to eat! Ah! No good! Too salty! We are all salty, Mouldy! Giggerota will try another! Don't eat us, you need us.
Giggerota only needs the waste of skin to fly the big bug wherever Giggerota wants Giggerota! we are the predecessors of His Divine Shadow.
He will not rest until he has us and his ship back.
No matter where you take the Lexx, His Shadow will find you.
Your tortures will be legendary, and death would be a sweet release.
Do you understand? Yes Giggerota will try - another! Wait does Giggerota really want to eat two thousand year old brains or would Giggerota prefer this? Dexter 9.
The secret planet of the milk fed boys.
Sweet, tender flesh.
Delicious skin.
And bone marrow you can suck on for days.
Giggerota wants Giggerota can have and more.
but you must help us first.
We possess the memories of the many thousands we killed, including some who lived on Brunnis.
We will guide you through its secrets.
If you follow our instructions, and rid us of a great problem we will fulfil your plumpest dreams.
What is the matter with you, Tweedle? why don't you follow them? Why don't you just walk into that door and go right on through? 'Cause you're a coward, that's why.
Hey there I've got a question for you What burns inside? I'll tell you loneliness And realising that this is the way it's always going to be The empty echoes of the heart.
That's one of my lines oh, the irony of it all You know what you want That warm embrace That effervescent bubbling tingle, that feeling, that thing called Love Lurrve - ha! There's no love here but through there lies the great possibility the unknown, the mysterious Now, how badly do you want it? do you want it? If you're really able to go the distance say "I want love" Say it "I want love I want love!" I want love Oh! Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah baby! - you gonna git it Welcome, friend You have chosen a glorious path.
Our experiences become our memories The remembered events of our lives remain potent, influencing us far beyond their actual time We relive them always It's not that we don't love you Zev, really it isn't.
It's just that sometimes children don't turn out the way you expect.
That's all.
- They don't meet the standard - It's nothing personal.
They'll look after you just fine in the holo-care home.
They're professionals.
Where am I? Love.
A dove in the sky Pretty bird, can you not see me waving? The sound of the spheres echoes my heart As I lay me down beside a buxom dart You wouldn't believe the amount of ass I got with that one.
Ah.
Male, Male, Male, Male Female, Female Female, Female, Female Yes! A female! I will live again A what?! You are the fertile female I've been waiting for What do you mean? Your machine must be busted or something, buddy I'm not fertile I'm not even female I'm Stanley Tweedle, I'm all man! Have I got a surprise for you Lemmee go! Right this way, oh fertile object of abandoned desire And now Zev, repeat after me.
- "Are you comfortable, darling?" - "Are you comfortable, darling?" Very good Zev.
Your reading was an 8.
3% deviation from standard.
At this rate you will be eligible for the wife bank in less than six years.
Doesn't that make you happy? - Happy happy matron - Good.
Those memories are your history, and as such cannot be changed but you have chosen your own future Here, in this chamber, your suffering ends and your burst of life begins Zev? Zev! Kai! you're - Alive! Alive And I want you I'm alive - You're alive So alive and now I, forever And ever Will love you Will love you Forever And ever And ever Will love you Will love you Kai? Look I don't know what's going on here, but you're making a big mistake Now, where were we? Oh yes - the act of creation The procreation of the creative The creation of a new "creator" And I have to confess I was getting worried there for a while.
I was afraid I was going to be the last of my line a catastrophic disaster for the universe, if you ask me But my voice will not be silenced so easily.
The truly creative can always create in unorthodox ways.
Now, I'm sorry if it is a little rough on you, but you know something? I like a little bruising It adds a certain - hue After all - you don't pour this kind of creativity down the drain My line will live again Kai - what is this? I believe it is the burst of life Burst - was the key word there Life - burst.
Bubble - burst Bladder - burst.
See the meaning is for sale, friend and you just bought it Citizen, you have chosen death, and through it the gift of eternal life Being dead will not stop me What is it, the body? Just a shell A shallow, shaky shell And the soul may not be eternal but the seed will always grow Now my seed has a vessel You gotta be kidding me Your death will not be quick.
It will be played out to allow your thoughts, your knowledge your memory to spill out at a rate that can be properly absorbed, but you will feel no pain embraced as you are in the burst of life So - you're on the slab, and you've chosen to be sliced in two Congratulations I thought about taking the razor ride but no They don't deserve my memories in their library of little minds Kai! Woman.
Softness.
Breasts Touch I imagine you.
I think of you I possess you I'm not a woman! I think you'll agree this calls for a poem You're nuts! Floating along the whispering surf searching for a home I spy a beach - thou, like a fecund dream And enter your - Thank you.
Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you Who is it? Zev? Kai? Guess again, skinman What are you doing here? Ah, how about a thank you? Just get me outta here, will ya? Giggerota and skinman will be a team now, OK? What? Giggerota is on skinman's side now cross Giggerota's stomachs.
Giggerota and skinman will work together Where are Zev and Kai? Girlfriend and boyfriend are back on the big bug Now - does Giggerota and skinman have a deal? Hmm Eternal life? Not exactly That's a sales job It's just blades and bone and blood, friend.
You're going to be nothing but data on a disc, that no-one will ever care about No! Kai! Kai! Are you sure this is the right way? I don't remember this stuff Trust Giggerota Giggerota knows the way Where are you going? Skinman stay here I'll just wait here, then? OK? Hello? Two together To share the burst of life with another is the greatest gift and so it shall be So - you're on the slab, and you've chosen to be sliced in two Congratulations Main power cells are now being diverted to deactivation of stabiliser controls Notice - you have begun destabilisation procedure Deactivation of stabiliser control will result in total decay of the Brunnis sun and full supernova Supernova?! The resulting supernova explosion will consume this planet and the surrounding solar system in exactly 47 minutes and 11 seconds What are you doing? You're gonna kill us all! Not all.
Only girlfriend and boyfriend Giggerota and skinman will fly away on the big bug You said they were already on the Lexx Even Giggerota lies sometimes.
Giggerota made deal with brains.
Power is returned to all regular systems.
Thank you.
Stabilisers reactivated Skinny? Giggerota's sorry Giggerota just wanted to be alone with skinman Really? Giggerota thinks skinman is soft Giggerota thinks skinman is beautiful.
Ma dai Leave girlfriend and boyfriend behind Giggerota and skinman make Lexx their very own private love ship Love ship? What exactly do you mean by love ship? Giggerota has big appetites and not just for food Giggerota wants to make love forever.
Does skinman wanna make love to Giggerota? I won't leave Zev and Kai.
I won't leave my friends OK Main power is now being diverted from regular systems to deactivation of stabilisers Stabilisers reactivated.
Power is being returned to all regular systems Giggerota is tired of skin games Waste of skin Giggerota does not need waste of skin to fly big bug Giggerota just needs waste of skin's hand Main power is now being diverted from regular systems to deactivation of stabilisers And it is with great pride that I confer upon you, Krato, the medal of ultimate honour for defeating the insects at the battle of Wirin All Brunnen G, all human race are forever in your debt Days pass quickly now and our sun continues to die I fear that one day, Brunnis will do the same and we will have to leave, go to - Stanley Tweedle! Stanley Tweedle? Time Prophet, my name is not Stanley Tweedle.
- My name is, er - - It matters not! By seeing into the future past I know that 5000 years after your death, Stanley Tweedle will visit the Brunnen G memory catacombs.
He will touch your memory Ah, but my question was about the mineral deposits on Aureliun 4 Forget about the mineral deposits! This is important.
Stanley, you are the only one who can save Kai and Zev.
You must go to section 83, row 249, plot 35! There you will find a stone cover.
Lift it.
- But - Go now! Section 83, row 249 plot - 30? All right Deactivation of stabilisers is now entering stage 2 Giggerota! where is the perfect arrangement of carbon molecules, my beloved Zev? Girlmeat decided to stay on Brunnis Girlmeat and boymeat decided to live happily ever after.
What have you done with her? Lexx! set course radius 4497 inverse axis 027 Leather ass I insist that you tell me what you have done with the magnificent Zev! Lexx! Lexx, set course radius 4497 inverse axis 027! Poor beautiful Zev something terrible has happened, I calculate it Bug! Giggerota has the hand.
Let's get moving! Section 83 row 246 plot 35 Who is it? Who's there? Zev? Stan? Are you all right? Please - just get me out of here OK - er - how? Supernova will occur in 24 minutes and 38 seconds Brains lied! Brains betrayed Giggerota! - No! Giggerota! listen to us You were supposed to bring back Stanley Tweedle not just his hand.
The Lexx knows his voice.
It only responds to him.
Yes! get Stanley Tweedle and bring him here.
The stabilisers are almost fully retracted.
You must hurry, or we will all be destroyed.
! Go, go, go! Giggerota will bring back waste of skin but this is not over Stan, come on! Wait, hold on, I think I can find a way down to you there must be stairs or something Destabilisation procedure complete.
Supernova will commence in 18 minutes and 6 seconds - Stan! - Zev! Stan! Stan Zev! I'm feeling altogether better Thank you It was that star Excuse me Help! Shut up, flying meat Lexx! Lexx.
this is Stanley Tweedle.
this is Stanley Tweedle! What happened to your hand? Giggerota took it - Giggerota? Just before she turned off the stabilisers Then the sun will supernova Lexx, I am your captain.
Depart this planet immediately! Lexx, do you hear me? Depart this planet immediately.
This is Stanley Tweedle, Lexx! do you hear me? Depart this planet immediately! As you instruct, Stan What? No, you lying thinkmeat.
Giggerota will eat you all! Oh great, that's just great I knew we should have dumped her in space She made a deal with the brains First she turns off the stabilisers and gets rid of us, and now she's stealing the Lexx.
A sensible deal, perhaps What? I am the last of the Brunnen G The end of me means the end of the prophecy I cannot be the one who destroys their order when I no longer exist Stan! That's no deal.
we've got to turn the stabilisers back on, now Supernova will commence in 11 minutes 6 seconds All right Stan, you watched her, you know how to do this All right, all right Look, I'm not very good under pressure.
OK I was standing here and I reached out my hand like this and I - it was this one Notice -you have selected incorrect access to the stabilisation control system This is a violation of the Stabiliser Control Act, code 1, subsection 1, paragraph 1 If your next selection is incorrect, you will be destroyed She bit my hand off! I'm having a little trouble thinking here, all right? You have ten heartbeats to make your selection Please try again OK Stan, think OK, OK er, er, this one Maybe? You must be certain OK, I know, I know which one it was, er, Stan! I know it was this one! Thank you.
Stabilisers reactivated Power is being returned to all regular systems What? Stan, you did it Stabilisation of the Brunnis sun will occur in 12 minutes 15 seconds.
Once again, Manly Stanley saves the day.
I think not Supernova will commence in 10 minutes 43 seconds Well, what's that mean? It means that the prophecy is false The last of the Brunnen G will expire while His Shadow still lives No! There must be something we can do Can't we make them go up faster? It's not fair, it's just not fair There is nothing more we can do Too late Look at my face - it's the last one you're ever going to see Would you care to join me in watching the supernova? It is a once in a lifetime experience No! No! Come back here, flying meat Giggerota commands you.
Come back! It's beautiful Oh universe of heartbreak Boom! Lexx! We must leave this system immediately! Why are you disobeying Stanley Tweedle? I do as you request Then why are you not leaving this system at once? I am being controlled by something far more powerful than me.
Who are you? I am Brunnis Sun.
I am Blue Star.
We are together, Kai, last of the Brunnen G.
You know my name? Yes.
We knew long before you were born that you, Kai, would be enslaved by His Shadow, that you would escape to the Dark Zone, and that you would come to Brunnis.
But I was the one who suggested coming here Yes.
that you did, Zev of B3Ki> Er, excuse me, but if you know so much, er - could you tell us our future? No.
We will tell you that today is not your day to enjoy death.
Today is our day - to supernova, together i> We will see you again, in the next cycle of time, as we saw you in the last.
Kai? I have only a little artificial life left.
The planet of my ancestors is as good a place as any Goodbye Zev No! You were brought back for a reason Come with us Kai.
Come with me Lexx! take us out of this system as fast as you can As you request, Stan Yes, yes! Put on a show for Giggerota the Wicked! Put on a show, ha ha ha! Thank you All night of the Zev Zev All night of the Zev I did dream dream - Ohh! That stings Oh, buck up, whiner I remind you I'm only fixing you because Zev asked me to Yikes There - you're finished Hey, bolt brain - I've got two left hands! Looks fine to me.
We are going to bring you life, I promise And if not the rest of my protoblood will be spent with you Kai It's what I want I wish Leather ass had bitten off your head Stan! - take us out of here OK Lexx! - let's see if we can find us a new home As you wish, Stan.