Life and Dirt (2024) s01e02 Episode Script

1
Your sister is a killer!
Fuck!
She killed my kids!
Yes! Fuck you! Bastard!
Pussy! Fuck you!
Idiot!
You big dickhead!
Bastard!
Talk now, talk!
Bastard! Fuck you, man!
Pussy! Pussy! Fucking bastard!
Fuck you!
So, is it true?
Is what true?
The way you ask,
it's like I was six months pregnant
-and went and had an abortion.
-I don't care if you're on contraception.
My question is why?
Why, Nkem?
You can't understand.
So help me understand, please.
I don't love him.
So why are you still with him?
Why would you make him think
you have fertility issues?
I didn't make him think that!
I mean, Dennis and I had our issues but
But what?
I don't know. I got confused.
I'm seeing someone else.
Mad o!
I didn't want to deal with all that drama.
So what are you going to do?
I don't know.
You know, I actually feel like
some kind of call girl.
Like a runsbabe.
But I'm not paying you.
Isn't that the point of runs?
But you're patronising my business.
That's another form of payment.
If you say so.
If I say so?
You're nasty.
I know.
But seriously, I think we should
get to know each other better.
We already know each other.
Your name is Yo.
You manage a design company.
But you're from the trenches.
But you have amazing design ideas.
What else?
And your name is IJ.
Daughter of a billionaire.
You manage most of his properties.
And you have turned several of them
into short-let apartments like this one.
Your sister is a politician.
And her husband recently beat the shit
out of her because she aborted their baby.
Finish. Nothing more.
I'm a billionaire by proxy
and my family has issues.
By proxy, you mean:
what's your Dads, is yours.
But can you imagine, the last time
I saw him he was telling me
that he's not going to give anything to us
until we have children.
Like he wants to will everything
to his grandchildren.
So, let's make a baby.
I'm not laughing because what you said
was funny though.
You actually looked serious just now.
That whole marriage, babies, whatever
is not my calling. Trust me.
So, no. We're not having any babies.
Are you serious?
Dead ass serious. I'm never having kids.
Never.
Well, people change their minds.
True.
True.
But even if I did, I definitely
wouldn't be carrying it.
I wouldn't ruin my body for a baby.
Someone else can do that.
I'm serious though.
Just in case.
Then maybe we should stop
whatever we're doing.
Cos obviously you're taking it
a bit more serious than I am.
This is just for knacks.
It's nothing nothing deep.
Are you breaking up with me?
Were we ever in a relationship?
Well
I got something for you.
The symbol of what I thought we shared
So sweet. I already have
so many of these.
But I mean the more the merrier.
Thanks.
I'm telling you.
She literally just threw it in the air!
You guys can close.
Look, you have to get used
to these things, Yo. Okay?
Look, she has conquered this by virtue
of the family that she was born into.
And this is what I want for you.
-Okay?
-See eh
I don't see the use of that exercise.
This girl made it clear that we're just
bonking each other
I almost didn't give it to her.
So, why did you give it to her?
I think I like her.
Aha. That is value.
You see
You invested in something that you want.
Well, this has turned out to be
a bad investment,
because there will be no returns.
Come on! You have to keep investing.
This is not a one off.
Look, like everything in life, you have
to keep watering it and nurturing it.
And watering it and nurturing it.
Don't worry. I'll take you
to my fellowship.
Fellowship? You go to church now?
Come on, fellowship doesn't mean church.
This is some exclusive club.
Quiet, but very influential.
I'll take you there.
If they accept you,
then in a matter of weeks
you'll have all the influence
that you'll ever need.
And I'm not talking just Lagos,
I'm talking about global influence.
Sounds like a secret cult.
No, not secret. Discreet.
So what goes on there?
Connections. Finish.
It's the least I can do for you.
You know, I took a friend of mine
there once
and in a matter of weeks, months,
he had made his first few billions.
Billions!
Billions.
In months!
Com on, let's go.
Let's go there now.
I'm ready.
I need that kind of connections.
I swear.
I'll take you there.
Man! Mad o!
So your friend that you took there,
is he still grateful? Is he loyal?
Well he passed, sadly.
Damn!
I'm sorry.
Me too.
Are you here for the old man's cheque?
Isn't that obvious?
I don't know why he
can't just do transfers.
His money, his rules. You know how he is.
-Is that what's bothering you?
-Of course not.
We're here for another session
on procreation.
As long as I get my money,
I don't care if I have to listen
to the devil preach about salvation.
We're like two homeless women
living on welfare cheques.
Luxury welfare cheques darling.
There's a whole lot of money in this
Motherfucker.
That guy is a joker, he's not serious.
Is that a lawyer?
You're very smart.
Come in and sit down.
I'm good, thanks.
Mummy, please. What's going on?
What is going on
is that my lawyer here
has made a video
to back up what I have signed.
In a nutshell, my grandchildren
will inherit my wealth.
And if after two years of my death,
I don't have a grandchild or grandchildren
from one or both of you,
all my properties all over the world
will be donated to charity.
-Play the cassette.
-No. Please, don't.
Well. It's with the lawyer.
Whichever way you choose.
Daddy, what about your wife?
Don't worry about her.
She is sorted already.
Daddy, you're not dying anytime soon.
Tufia!
Who knows tomorrow?
Who knows tomorrow?
I want to enjoy my life.
I want to enjoy my life.
Not to worry about the unexpected.
I don't want to die and be in heaven.
But I know I'm going to heaven.
I don't want to hear that my family
is fighting over my property.
God forbid!
That's why I've settled everybody.
But the benefactors
of the huge chunk of my wealth
are in your wombs.
-What your father is trying to say is
-All right, shut the fuck up!
Ijeoma!
What your father is trying to say
Please.
Please, don't be offended.
You better get pregnant fast
from that side piece again.
I want a proper family!
Then divorce Dennis and marry
somebody else and have kids fast!
You know this applies to you too, right?
What's your plan?
Well, when the old man passes on,
I'll just adopt.
My child is still my child, right?
IJ, Daddy is smarter than that.
True.
Are you okay?
I'm an ambitious woman.
I have my whole political career
ahead of me.
You know I'm going to have children, IJ,
but I want them
to have a responsible and loving father.
Don't worry. You'll be fine.
You'll be fine.
Smile for me.
Smile.
What's wrong with you?
Mrs. Wemina, if you had to choose:
Politics or real estate?
Well, that's a very tricky question.
You know I honestly believe
that I was born to serve.
And as you very well know,
politics is a call to service.
But for me, real estate is also service
because my ultimate goal
is to build homes
so that every homeless person
has a roof over their heads.
I ultimately just want to serve.
What's the meaning of this? I want
to see my wife, you said I can't go!
I want to go and see my wife, you're
telling me I can't go! Are you crazy!
Let me go see my wife! Are you mad?
Mrs. Wemina, that's a good one.
A good one.
Allow me to go further.
If your father wasn't
into the real estate business
I want to go and see my wife!
What's the meaning of this now!
Leave my front!
IJ, what's going on?
What's the meaning of this?
What sort of embarrassment is this?
Can I go to see Nkem?
Why are you looking at me like that?
IJ! IJ, I need to see Nkem!
Throw him out.
What's wrong with you, guy!
If you are not careful,
I'll have a problem with you!
Your security insisted I wait outside.
If they were new, I would understand.
I've been here before.
I don't
Come on, man!
They're just doing their jobs, Yo.
-Yeah, but
-Come on!
Let's go.
Look, I think I forgot
to take care of something.
So let me just dash out, take care of it.
I'd be right back.
Cool. Okay. So talk to your security.
Let me wait for you inside.
No, no. No need.
Just wait here. Okay?
Two minutes. Okay?
I'd be right back.
Motherfucker!
Can you leave me alone, please!
Dennis, wait!
What am I waiting for, exactly?
Please
Nkem, what are you what are you doing?
Dennis, please
He wants to leave.
Dennis, please don't leave.
Can you tell your sister
to leave me the fuck alone!
Calm down.
And save her crocodile tears
for someone else she can manipulate!
Do you know your sister is evil?
Like, she's completely evil.
Nkem, what's going on?
He wants to leave me, IJ.
Point of correction, I left already.
I left a long time ago.
You just sealed it.
Do you know that your sister
sent armed men
to come and force me
to delete my social media pages?
Calm down. That wasn't her.
It was me.
Nkem, stand up. What's this?
Stand up. If he wants to go, let him go!
What sort of family raised you guys?
It was you that sent armed men after me?
It was me! So?
What sort of family raised you people?
Look, I am not going to spend
any more time with a manipulative woman!
Calm down with all the name calling!
Rest.
You know what they say about the truth.
It is bitter.
That's why you don't want to hear it.
See who is talking about truth!
Can you handle the truth?
No, do you have the balls big enough
to handle your fucking truth?
Or should I remind you
about how you came into this marriage
Like the day you were born: naked.
Or should I remind you
how we fed you and your family,
paid for both of your weddings
and you have been able to keep the gifts,
every single naira.
That's 27 million naira,
80 thousand dollars cash.
And within a month
you were already broke.
Can you handle that truth? Tell me!
Or are you forgetting how you sit in this
house all day long playing Call of Duty
while your wife is on duty taking care
of her father's empire on a mega salary.
Can you handle that fucking truth?
Can you handle the truth that you moved
from your poor father's house
to your wife's father's house because
you're too broke to afford your own?
Can you handle those truths or should I
Should I go on? Tell me.
Do you need some more
or you'll make do with those ones?
Talk if you're sure of yourself. Talk!
You know what they say about the cannibal?
When a cannibal cannot find prey to eat,
it will start to eat its own.
Very soon, she is going to start
eating you too.
Sorry, Peter Edochie!
Why don't you carry your shoulder high
and raise your neck to high heavens?
Nkem, stand up! Why are you crying
over this dead fish?
There are plenty fishes in the sea.
This one is dry fish, expired fish,
smelling fish! You can't do jack shit!
- I can't do jack shit?
- You cannot.
- I can't do jack shit!
- You can't!
- I can't do shit!
- You can't do shit!
I told you. You're going to compensate me.
And if not, I'm going to the press!
And if you try to kill my truth,
I will come for you!
Rest! You can't do shit!
- I can't do shit?
- You cannot do shit!
And let me tell you. If you ever try and
pull up on her like that again in public,
I promise I'll get someone to
shoot you.
- I can't do shit?
- You can't do shit.
I dare you!
Stand up.
I thought you would have gone.
You asked me to wait.
So sorry, man.
It's been a long day.
Why don't we do this tomorrow?
What? You have something to say?
Ok, say it.
No, I just feel you knew all along
that we were not going today.
Because if the person or the people who
asked you to bring me were really waiting,
I'm not sure you would have put it off.
You really want this, uh?
Of course, I want it!
Why would I be here waiting
if I didn't want it?
I spent the whole day here. I canceled
everything I had to do because of this.
I needed to be sure.
I needed to be sure that once we start
this process, there'd be no going back.
I needed to be sure
that you were doing this
totally of your own free will
Friday! I'll take you there on Friday.
It's two minutes to Friday.
Okay! Go get some sleep.
I'll text you the rest of the info.
Come on, go.
Ijeoma Obi.
What are you doing tonight?
I'm busy this evening.
I didn't say this evening. I said tonight.
That depends on
when I finish this evening.
Well, me and my sister and
a couple of friends are going to Piper.
You should come.
You want me at Piper
or you want me for after Piper?
Don't get ahead of yourself.
There's a load of fine boys in Lagos.
It's just my way of adjusting so you
don't feel like a runs boy. You know?
11 pm, reservations in my name.
I will call you to let you know
before ten if I'll make it or not.
Okay, baby. See ya.
What's on your mind?
It looks like you're thinking.
I honestly don't know
what to think at all.
And I still don't understand
why we had to walk to this place.
Why?
I'm taking you to the place
where our helper started.
You know! Humble beginnings.
You have to approach the process
with humility.
Who is this woman? What's her name?
What does she do for a living?
What does she stand for?
Her name is Nene.
She's like our mother. You know?
She blesses us, the chosen.
Her sons, her children.
You'll understand.
And in turn, we take care of her.
- No strings attached?
- No strings attached.
It sounds too good to be true, bro.
It's good, man.
I'm telling you.
Nothing to worry about.
Don't say anything.
Just take it all in.
You know I brought you here so that you
can realise that everyone is the same.
The only people who make it are those
who take a decision to make it.
And even at that, not everyone who makes
it gets the opportunity that you have.
So, take it in.
Mr. Yoshua.
You come highly recommended.
There are so many questions in your eyes.
Mr. Ajazi said you insisted
we walked to where you lived before.
And that you also insisted
that I came to your home alone.
My home. Oh, you think this is my home?
It isn't. You know how sometimes
we see things
and think that they are real,
But then they're not.
Whatever it is that you desire,
I can make it happen.
But you have to walk through fire.
I lived in that room as a slave
for so many years.
But I wouldn't bore you with the details.
Anything that you desire, Mr. Yoshua,
I will give you.
But you have to go through fire.
How do they say it?
Nothing in life that's good comes easy.
Are you ready?
-Yes, Ma'am.
-Ah, call me Nene.
Yes, Nene.
Good!
Drink up.
Good. You will go out there
and survive the next three days.
If you do
You will see me again.
And then, I will bless you.
All the questions in your eyes
They just traveled to your mouth.
I'll let Mr. Ajazi answer those.
I have to go now, Mr. Yoshua.
I'll see you, if you make it.
You're good?
No.
No! No! No!
I'm not good.
You said it wasn't a cult!
But it's not.
Then,what is it?
What? Are you throwing tantrums?
I have questions! I need answers!
Calm down.
Calm down, man!
Look, I'll answer every one
of your questions. Okay?
Let's go. Ask.
Is this a cult?
I already answered that.
It is not.
Then, if it is not a cult, what is it?
Okay. Let's put it this way.
There are many religions in the world.
If you search deeply, all of these
are basically preaching the same thing.
Love, growth, prosperity, togetherness.
And in one way or the other,
they are all fighting some kind of evil.
Okay? So, this is a small religion.
And Nene, she's a god.
I don't get it.
If you say she has these powers,
why do I have to go through these three
days of excruciating pain and tribulation?
And why do I have to go through it alone?
Come on, Yo. Come on!
Even Jesus had to go through tribulations
before he could rise from the dead
and become a legend.
He was in the grave for three days.
And he did it alone.
I'm not understanding.
How does this woman help?
I am not going to bow to any object!
I am not going to cut my body!
No marks!
Stop it, man! What's wrong?
What's wrong with you?
Didn't you see how pristine
that environment is?
Look, what the hell d'you take me for, Yo?
I'm just trying to help you!
If you don't want my help,
get out of my car!
No, get out of my car!
What were your three days of tribulation
like?
I was in an accident.
You know, In a coma for two days.
Secondly, I was paralysed
from my waist down.
They wheeled me into the surgery,
they gave me a fifty-fifty chance.
But I kept believing.
I stayed positive.
And in the end, look at me!
It was a success.
I don't want to be in an accident.
I honestly don't want to be
in an accident.
Look Yo
You and I want the same thing.
But it doesn't mean our journey
will be the same.
So, can I like, stay at home
for those three days of tribulation?
No way!
No way!
You've got to carry on
with your plans as usual.
You know, carry on
with your regular routine.
Do everything you planned to
do before you met her.
If you try to avoid stuff,
stuff will find you,
and stuff the life out of you.
Relax man. Okay?
Relax.
Just because we're not fucking doesn't
mean you should disrespect me!
What?
What you're doing, stop it!
You think I don't see you?
-Stop what the fuck you're doing!
-What are you talking about?
What you're doing with that babe. Don't
think I'm stupid! I see you. Delete it.
-I didn't do anything
-Delete it!
Stop. IJ!
-Delete it!
-IJ, stop!
What's wrong with you?
We're in public
I don't give a fuck!
What the fuck are you doing?
-Stop it!
-Fuck you!
-Fuck you!
-No fuck you!
-Fuck you!
-Fuck you!
Fuck you, black ass, broke ass,
cheap ass, trenches gutter rat.
Look at you! Fuck your father,
fuck your mother, fuck everybody!
Fuck you! Fuck your life!
Fuck everything about you!
-Fuck you!
-Fuck you!
Fuck you more!
Bastard!
Fuck you! Fuck this club.
Fuck everybody!
Fuck you!
Fuck you!
Hey, hey!
What's up with you and my homeboy?
Listen! You should teach your homeboy
to respect girls like me,
because I can be bad.
Bro, you need to leave the club right now.
-Why?
-For fighting the lady.
-I didn't fight
-He's my boyfriend, relax.
-You need to leave, you need to leave.
-No! We've settled.
What's wrong with this guy?
He's my boyfriend. Calm down.
-You need to leave, please!
-Calm down. We've settled.
Guy what's your problem now?
Stop!
IJ!