Li'l Quinquin (2014) s01e02 Episode Script

1
Capt'n?
I'd like to try driving on 2 wheels.
Go ahead.
- You don't mind?
- No, go for it!
It's a passion.
It's a passion.
Good for you.
I'll admit I'm more confident
on 4 wheels.
But 2 wheels is pretty thrilling.
But the hard part's
staying on 2 wheels.
Well, where is it?
Over here.
Capt'n, it's identical.
Down to the last detail.
This whole thing
is really starting to bug me.
Well, Capt'n, here we go again.
Open that cow's ass,
and show me what's inside.
Open it?
When?
Now. I'm taking the initiative.
You're taking responsibility?
I'm in charge. Done!
Let's do it. Open her up.
Capt'n!
Capt'n, you were right!
There is a human body.
No need for intimacy, Carpentier.
Telephone.
It's a text message.
What does it say?
Crime Lab.
The animal will be hard to ID
because the evidence got
the animal's full of seawater, so
But anyway
Luckily they did find hoofprints
on the beach
so the cow got there by itself.
And they found cow dung
along the way.
You don't say!
We know it's Mr. Lebleu's
because we found the ear tag
it was wearing.
- So we know
- Tag? You mean its number?
Yeah, its number
So we know.
Hey!
Speak of the Devil, look!
Look!
The bunker where we found
the first cow!
See the bunker?
Oh, yes. See, Carpentier?
Our whole case
revolves around this place.
It does seem that way.
It's starting to revolve.
Right in this area here
You think this is the spot?
- Yes. Everything
- Revolves
Around this area, Carpentier.
Gotcha.
Let's roll!
Whatcha doing, Li'l Quinquin!
Hey, pappy.
- You OK?
- Don't throw your bike!
Where'd nanny go?
Dunno.
You don't know?
She left. I dunno where
She went that way. I dunno.
Getting some sun?
Getting some sun.
Personally
- Not worried about sunburn?
- You bet.
Not worried about sunburn?
No.
- Fine otherwise?
- Fine.
- Feeling good?
- Feeling good.
Have you ever seen
a dead cow on the beach?
A cow?
Yeah, dead on the beach.
No, I ain't never seen
a cow on the beach.
Do you think a cow
could get into a bunker?
Well, no.
Can a person fit inside a cow's ass?
Can a person fit inside a cow's ass?
Cows go inside barns.
Want me to bring you inside?
Yeah.
C'mon, I'll bring you inside.
Come on.
Tell them I ain't eating here.
And this guy
he chainsawed its ass!
I dunno, it was
They were on the beach,
and I was up on the cliffs
at Chicken Pass.
I don't want anymore.
What are they doing with our women?
Hey, the track's closed!
What's it to you?
The track doesn't belong to you.
Did I ask you, Elodie?
You mix with this trash?
Our friends are our business.
You shouldn't hang with foreigners.
- Mind your business!
- Shut up, Patricia!
Off the track. We're open.
Run for it, guys!
Quinquin,
next time I'll have your head!
It's those bastards!
Their ass is grass!
We'll fuck them up.
That's where the bastards live.
My husband!
I don't know what happened!
Look, the cops.
Maybe the ones from earlier.
What the heck's going on?
- Wanna go see?
- Why me?
Because the fatso already knows me.
He's seen me before.
And we need to know what's up.
Go on!
Get going!
Go!
But there are cops!
Go around the other way!
Go around, dumbbell.
What do I do?
Fuck.
Were you snooping?
- No, sir!
- County Sheriff!
I've seen you before.
Nu-uh.
We'll get him out of there!
What the hell's going on!
County Sheriff!
Time to stop screwing around!
I'm fed up with those little snots.
I'd bet my life, Capt'n
On what?
That lady's husband
Mr. Bhiri.
Maybe he's connected to the body
we found in the beached cow.
Maybe he is, maybe he isn't
Until I see the lab work,
I won't say.
Lab work is lab work.
Lab work is sacred.
Just because he's missing,
doesn't mean it's related.
It's just a hunch.
In any case
His wife sure is upset.
Broken heart.
Her kids too. Right?
She's crying cats and dogs.
Let's roll.
Those brats are seriously
starting to piss me off!
Hey, I'm stuck!
- Hey, mister!
- In your face!
So, Sexton?
Sexton, I'm gonna fuck you up!
You're dead!
C'mon, Sexton baby!
Full speed ahead!
Well, gramps?
You fag!
Try standing at the altar now!
Fag!
Next time learn to drive!
What a fag!
The Sexton sucks!
He sucks ass!
He sucks, he sucks, he sucks ass!
Do you understand me?
Do you understand?
Mind speaking French please?
We're in France here.
You do you understand me?
Understand me?
Look, this won't take long.
Let me say why I'm here.
A certain Mrs. Bhiri
You know Mr. Bhiri?
Not one week, no.
One week?
What, one week?
- One week.
- Not see Mr. Bhiri
He's been out one week?
One week no Mr. Bhiri
That's weird.
Well?
Carpentier? What is this?
- We're not getting anywhere.
- Right.
Right, so Mr. Bhiri's
been out all week.
So Mr. Bhiri, you've never see him?
Ask the boss we not boss.
Are you jerking us around?
Hey, I'm talking to you!
A construction site,
and no one speaks French?
Find me someone!
Yes, hello?
Wow, an Arab who speaks French!
He works here, Mr. Bhiri, but
he hasn't come in all week,
but he hasn't been
to his other job either.
We didn't know that he
has a second job.
At the slaughterhouse.
- That too?
- Yes.
He misses work,
maybe he's in love?
It's "Dallas" here, Carpentier.
To the slaughterhouse!
Mr. Colonel?
I forgot to
to say even more things
The woman who was
chopped into bits
was his lady friend.
Damn, Carpentier, that's for us!
Onward! Onward!
Are you sure of what you said?
I'm sure. What I said is truth.
Because it's serious.
Yes, I'm sure.
OK!
Let's roll, Carpentier.
Haven't I suffered enough
without all your questions?
Mr. Lebleu, you didn't know
your wife had a lover?
No?
Because everyone else did.
If you know the answer,
why do you ask?
Yeah, but
Maybe you're a suspect too, no?
Maybe you had a motive no?
It's a little odd,
you being in the dark,
when everyone else knows.
If every cuckold cut up his wife,
you wouldn't find many left whole.
You catch that?
No, Capt'n.
If every unfaithful wife
got chopped up into pieces
We're leaving, but
we'll be back.
Hard to know
what he's got on his conscience.
Maybe he didn't know
his wife had a lover.
A black man, Capt'n!
Slow down. He's just missing.
This black man screws his wife,
and he chops them up.
It's as simple as pie.
You heard him:
If every missing woman
was found chopped up,
there wouldn't be many left whole.
What does that even mean?
Maybe it means he's innocent, too.
Because maybe he's innocent.
Kill your own wife,
chop her into pieces,
and stuff her in your
in your own cow, that's
a lot for one man.
You think he had help?
Are you thick or what, Carpentier?
For one man, that's a lot of no?
Chop up your cow!
Yes, maybe you're right.
That is a lot for one man.
Hey, sir!
Sir, County Sheriff!
Where's this herd from?
Next to the blockhouse.
You mean the bunker down there?
The one where we found Mrs. Lebleu,
inside the cow?
Poor animal.
Any missing today?
Yes, one got loose.
Is it you who milks them?
No, it's Mr. Lebleu,
since his wife died.
So he milks them now?
Alright, then.
The cow she was found in,
did you know it?
The cow that died? Yes, I did.
Did Mrs. Lebleu milk it?
It was Mrs. Lebleu.
And the night before
we found her in the cow,
did she milk the animal here?
She milked it here.
Who turned it out?
Mr. Lebleu turns them out.
Same as every day?
Same as every day.
You're free to go.
Thank you.
Still here?
You can help with the milking.
Yes? OK.
I'll pass on the message.
OK.
That was the medical examiner.
Just as I thought.
It was the body of a black man
that was found inside the cow
on the beach.
But you know what
the worst part is?
There was a piece of
Mrs. Lebleu inside.
What the hell?
Which piece?
A finger.
So there are pieces
just floating around?
Let's go get Mrs
take her to the morgue
to identify the body.
- The pieces?
- Yeah.
In any case, Carpentier,
this is a crime of passion.
You think so?
Yes, this changes everything.
Let's roll, Carpentier.
Onward, Carpentier.
Do you love me?
- Do I satisfy you?
- Yes.
My uncle Dany's back.
Hi Dany. Back already?
He was at the clinic in Boulogne.
Because he's crazy?
I don't care, he's my uncle.
He makes me laugh.
Let's split.
Li'l Quinquin?
There's lots of tunnels.
You can't see shit.
It's messed-up.
Check this out.
There's tons of them.
Look, it's a grenade.
Isn't it amazing?
It's my 60th.
I'll come back here because
there's lots of them.
Shit, I'm all gross.
I have to go wash off in the sea.
And I gotta pee.
I'm all gross.
Damn, I really had to pee!
The water's fucking freezing.
There are kids on our bunker.
Let's go see.
They're coming.
Fuck, where's my grenade?
My grenade is gone.
Gimme back my grenade!
Fucking give it back!
I said give it back, it's simple.
Fucking give it back!
I didn't want to
hit them in front of you
because they might've
you might've been in danger
and I didn't want that.
But with the gang,
they would've taken a beating.
I'll kick their asses
first chance I get.
You coming to my sister's
singing competition?
I guess so.
Dany! Where are you?
Oh there you are!
Whatcha doing?
Watching the concert?
Li'l Quinquin's there.
He went to the Terrier girl's
singing competition.
Let's go inside.
That was our second-to-last
contestant, Thomas Delmaie.
He sang us "Remember."
Ladies and gentlemen,
we'll now ask the Clap-o-Meter
to be the judge.
At the count of 3,
give it up for Thomas!
1, 2, 3!
Our singers are competing
for a spot on national TV.
So encourage them
if you want to see them again.
Now for the final contestant
of our talent show.
Put your hands together
for our very own Aur駘ie Terrier!
How are you?
Fine, thanks.
What'll you be singing?
- "'Cause I Knew."
- Nervous?
Not really.
Give it up for Aur駘ie Terrier!
That was Aur駘ie Terrier!
How'd it feel, Aur駘ie?
Same as with the others,
the audience will now
clap to score you.
For Aur駘ie 1, 2, 3!
Hey, look! It's that nigger.
We're gonna fuck
those ragheads up!
Sons of bitches! You're dead!
Dirty ragheads!
That could be them.
Can it, Kevin!
Quiet the fuck down!
Fuck, Mohamed, your phone!
They're over there, those bastards!
You raghead cocksuckers!
Dirty bastards!
Later, assholes!
- Sons of bitches!
- Fuck you!
It's not worth chasing them.
We already kicked their asses.
You're right, Quinquin.
Come on.
The trucks pull up here,
we unload the animals,
and bring them to the stalls inside.
Did you know Mr. Bhiri?
Yes, I do, and I was sorry
to hear that he was found dead
in a cow on the beach.
We worked together.
He was a ritual slaughterer like me.
When the animals arrive
we keep them here,
in these holding pens.
Where's the veterinarian?
On the other side.
We'll go see him.
That's Mr. Delaye.
What a massacre!
I'm switching to fish.
Mr. Delaye!
You asked to see me?
Lieutenant.
So what do the tests say?
They say that
I did tests on the cows
from the beach and bunker.
OK. What did you find?
They had mad cow disease.
- A mad cow?
- Two mad cows?
Guess we can breathe easy.
Is that it?
No, I found something else.
They weren't inserted into the ass
but into the mouth.
Into the mouth?
So the bodies weren't
introduced anally, but orally?
Correct.
Well, Capt'n,
we were on the wrong track.
So someone chopped up a human body,
and left it in the field
for the cows to eat.
That's it.
That's it!
By the way, Doctor
Cows aren't carnivores, right?
Well?
But mad cows are.
So a mad cow
could eat a human body?
Well, Capt'n, we've entered
a "realm of reason."
What's a mad cow capable of?
Eating a human being.
What's next?
Anything to add?
Not right now.
You know where to find us.
We'll leave you now.
Give us a call.
Number one,
Mrs. Lebleu and Mr. Bhiri
were lovers.
Two, we find them murdered.
Three, chopped to bits.
Four, inside cows.
2 mad cows.
Technically, yes
One in a bunker,
we don't know how.
The other on the beach.
We don't know why.
It's the Devil Incarnate,
Carpentier.
Let's roll.
Hey, Li'l Quinquin!
Hickman!
Who are you?
Whatcha doing here?
Hickman!
Who's Hickman?
Watch out for my walls!
Aren't you Eve's cousin?
Hickman!
Guy, what the fuck!
Your mom's waiting
to go mussel hunting.
Shake a leg!
Move it!
Your cousin
He totally nailed it.
It's totally believable
his Hickman.
It's totally believable.
Why did you leave last night
before the results?
It's because
we saw those two bastards again.
So we hunted them down,
and they got an ass-whooping
you wouldn't believe.
- Did your sister win?
- Yes.
She's a star. She'll be on TV.
Hello! Pardon me!
Passing through! For my walk!
Go take your walk.
Hickman!
You're gonna make me fall down!
I ain't scared!
What the hell are you doing, Guy?
He's gonna fall!
Cut the Hickman crap!
Fuck!
You OK, Dany?
Fuck you, asshole!
I'll get you!
Fucking asshole!
What'd you do to Uncle Dany?
It wasn't me!
- Then who was it?
- Hickman.
- Who's he?
- Hickman.
- Where'd he come from?
- I dunno.
You play with strangers?
This morning
he just showed up uninvited
Enough!
Soon as I deal with your uncle,
you'll get yours.
Got it?
I've got my eye on you.
Why'd he say that?
Dunno.
That fatso's starting to bug me.
- Gimme a lift to the parade?
- OK.
I'll go get my trumpet.
I'll get my bike.
I'm watching you, kid!
Now we know where you live!
Oh, here you are!
Hop on.
Ready?
And we're off!
Not too stressed?
No, I'm OK.