LOL: Last One Laughing Australia (2020) s01e02 Episode Script
A Sticky Situation
1
♪♪
[beeping]
♪♪
[grumbles]
Okay. Oh, no.
[alarm blares]
Wow.
Joker's been played.
It looks like it's paid off.
[laughing] Who was it?
Who was it?
[alarm continues]
-They might have got me.
-It might have been me.
I think it might have been me.
-All right.
-[cheering]
-Sam, I like that jacket.
-Thank you.
But it was a dick move
for someone in the group.
-[laughing]
-That's a bit.
We can laugh at that.
As the penises were
continually being pulled,
somebody did crack a smile.
Who?
Professional Replay Screen,
feel free to replay.
Oh, come off it. Come on.
That's fucking hilarious.
[overlapping cheers]
-Oh, she channeled it well.
-No, it was
He said, "I'm maggited."
It was Nick.
Oh, I'm so happy.
Where's the camera?
Hey! To my beautiful wife, Luc,
you hate the word maggit,
and now, look.
Maggit's worth its weight!
[laughing]
So just a reminder.
There's three people on yellow.
Also, you're one hour in.
-Yay!
-One hour!
[beeps]
Right, another
yellow card given.
Let the game resume.
♪["Charge" plays]
Come, on.
Come on, people.
-Hold on.
-The ring
Who are you gonna
Frank!
-Catch!
-Ooh!
-Oh, Frank.
-Frank, what the hell?
I caught that much.
[chuckles]
-Frank, can you catch?
-Yep!
-But not its inside bits.
-Very good.
I'm 50%.
How much of an egg is that?
-Catch again!
-[laughing]
You're an "eggselent"
catcher, sir.
-"Eggselent."
-"Eggselent."
[laughing]
-So all of the king's horses
-Yeah.
-and all the kings men
-They couldn't.
Why the fuck were
the horses involved?
For the men, sure. But keep
the fucking horses out of there.
-It's a joke.
-It's gonna create havoc.
It's just ridiculous.
I get why watchmakers or people
who are involved in decoupage.
-Yeah.
-You know what I mean?
The horses, they haven't even
got prehensile thumbs.
That's ridiculous.
I've got a crush on this one.
It's got a good personality
as well.
The Penis Jacket is
the gift that keeps on giving.
It's the sort of dick you can
picture yourself
settling down with.
-Yeah.
-What about this one, with the
No, that one's
a party dick.
People say it's cheap
comedy dick humor.
But it's not
It's like farts, right?
-This dick loves women.
-Eh?
This dick loves women.
At the point you go
into a job interview,
in that dick jacket,
and you do a fart,
and nobody even notices,
then dick jacket jokes
are done.
And if the life vest
doesn't auto-inflate,
you use these toggles.
There's a whistle and a light
for attracting attention.
The exits are that way.
Are you not wearing pants?
And that way.
I've officially lost
the will to live.
JOEL: It's a weird space,
like some eccentric
millionaire's share house.
And there's camera's
everywhere.
So it's kind of like
I'm on the set of a porno
with nine people I would
not want to be involved
in a porno with.
You can have a little
noodle nipple tassel,
there you go.
SAM: How come there's
no penis jacket?
You gotta admit,
it was a good jacket,
It was a good jacket,
but, IRL, I'd be laughin'.
But I can't, mate.
There's a game going on.
Okay, so Anne's
up to something. Look.
She's just been yellow-carded.
Maybe she's like, "Yep, I've
gotta get in the game now."
♪♪
REBEL:
Oh, the banjo's come out.
I wonder what happens to you
in your life that makes you
pick up a banjo
and learn how to play it.
♪♪
Sam, Sam Simmons ♪
Who would forgive him? ♪
He's the biggest idiot
in here ♪
Oh, yeah,
Anne going after Sam.
Look out here,
he's a dickhead ♪
Sam's the biggest
dickhead in here ♪
-Dance, Sam! Dance!
-Whoo!
♪[vocalizing]
♪[singing, indistinct]
[chuckles]
I find the banjo stuff funny.
Sing about me,
sing about me ♪
I wanna be seen,
I want you to sing about me ♪
Becky Lucas, look at her go ♪
She's only been
around for a few years ♪
But she's very full
of herself ♪
She's widely
considered to be ♪
One of Australia's
comedians ♪
And that's only
a little exaggeration ♪
-Oh!
-[alarm blasts]
-Oh, fuck!
-Oh!
-It's me.
-ANNE: Is it?
-All right, guys.
-Who?
We hear and see everything.
Let's have a look
at the replay first.
She's widely
considered to be one of
Australia's comedians ♪
So, Sam, it's a warning.
Yellow card.
-Time to restart.
-["Charge" plays]
-[blows whistles]
-MAN: What is that?
Whenever someone does
something that's not funny,
I'm gonna blow this whistle.
Becky is a little, um,
piece of work, isn't she?
[chuckles]
-What is that you're holding?
-Do you wanna play with it?
-If I play with that
-Yeah
Straightaway.
One of Becky's great tricks
is looking sweet and cute.
So you just look at her
and go, "Oh, she seems nice."
And then about five minutes
later, "Oh, my God."
-Wow, that was
-Look how good I am at this.
so close to
breaking it just then.
Really?
She is a risk factor for me
in making me laugh.
♪[banjo]
Becky Lucas, Becky Lucas ♪
What a pretty girl,
but what a bitch ♪
I'm attacking Becky,
and I can tell,
it's gonna make her laugh,
'cause she would suck in there.
That was the tell-tale
sign for me that she
was on the brink.
She's sick ♪
Becky Lucas, Becky Lucas ♪
What a pretty girl
but what a bitch ♪
Mmm. Good song for me,
and I'm right.
She knows it.
Everyone knows it.
Little bitch.
I've got a beard.
I honestly spend every day
plucking my own chin.
-It's fucked up.
-I've always rocked a mustache.
And I don't regret it.
Susie's like a smart assassin.
Every time I looked over at her,
she had a different wig on,
or a different mustache.
-I cannot look at Susie
-Susie all night.
Gotta get away from Susie.
She looked like my sister
in November.
Does anyone need a drink?
[beeps]
Ed has revealed a disastrous
secret to me in there.
-What did he say?
-Don't.
-What did he say?
-He has not one,
but two anuses.
You greedy, greedy bastard.
Comedians ganging up on Ed
because he's got two arseholes.
He's been in here the whole time
with two anuses, Frank.
Is it possible
that he's a woman,
and he's mistaken
his vagina as an anus?
The two types of comedians
I'm worried about
are the polar opposites
of each other.
-I actually have
really good legs.
-Who told you that?
I have been able
to assess it myself.
I suppose beauty is in
the eye of the beholder.
Deadpan, scathing, cutting,
which I find very funny,
and then the loud over-the-top
crazy will get me.
Bubbles! Bubbles! Bubbles!
Bubbles! Bubbles!
You've got Anne Edmonds
and Sam Simmons.
to of the most
over the top people.
[sighs]
So, I think I'm in
a little bit of trouble.
-Joel.
-What?
We've got a show for you.
Joel, can you come over here?
We've got a song.
-We belong together ♪
-Wow.
Is that a "Home
and Away" outfit?
You look like you're straight
out of "Home and Away."
Is this Sam dressed
as Sally Fletcher
from "Home and Away"?
Getting out
your paddle back ♪
Dilruk, Dilruk ♪
REBEL: Classic show,
"Home and Away."
Very popular in Australia.
Sit down, Sam,
and tell us about school.
I was fingered
in the caravan park.
Flathead Fisher violated me.
He made me reach for a book
that was way too high
in the library,
using the Dewey
Decimal System.
And his bloody one of his
digits slipped up my farter.
Oh. Oh, Gosh, Nick was close.
Nick was close.
I was reaching up,
and my skirt rode up.
And then Flathead Fisher stuck
a digit up the farter.
-SAM: And he didn't stop.
-[Rebel chuckles]
Sam's working it.
He's working it.
The next thing I know,
I'm pregnant to my principal.
That is actually
impossible.
-What do you mean?
-It's a finger.
[laughing]
Sam does crack me up
in that outfit.
I wanna cast Sam
in a movie after this.
Sam's around a lot.
Hey, guys,
check out my growler.
-Mmm, yeah.
-[whistle blows]
Not funny, not funny.
Access all areas.
I'm like a furnace down here.
Come on in.
Feel the fire.
I need to cause
a real disruption here,
and the way forward
is sudden movements.
-You've all lost
your minds in here.
-Whoa, whoa.
Yeah, come on, Anne.
Let's start attacking.
You've lost your moral compass.
I totally agree
with Anne.
Anne, you're the only one
who's speaking any sense
right now.
FRANK: Hi, guys.
I've just found 'em here.
We're all out
of moral compasses.
They're in here.
Frank, you dog!
You lowdown dog!
She's going for it.
Is this Anne's audition
for "Home and Away"?
I was the one that
brought up moral compasses.
Yeah, get down there.
Every time that Anne would
start yelling, I would just
hold my breath
and hope to pass out
before I laughed.
-Beef?
-Maybe.
Susie, are you sure
you want beef?
I do want beef.
Think about it, please.
Don't just have beef
just because everyone's
telling you to have beef.
-Edo, calm down.
What's happening? What?
-No!
-Play your banjo and calm down.
-Snap the fuck out of it, Anne.
I can't!
She thinks she
has to have beef,
-and there's other
options, Frank!
-Joel!
-Get out!
-There's other options, Becky!
Obviously there's
other options, but she
doesn't know them!
But she doesn't know
there's other options!
Look at her!
She thinks she
has to have beef!
Sam, tell her!
Guys! Guys! Stop it!
Everyone needs to just
stop it and relax right now.
Anne, I won't have them!
Good! Fine!
Don't have them!
Can I have them?
-Hey, guys?
-Hello, Frank.
Guys? I just wanted
to mention
that I was just in the toilet.
Yep.
And something came
out of my, um, my bottom
that was brown,
and it stank like shit.
-Oh, God.
-So I just wanna
warn everybody
[alarm blares]
-Jesus Christ!
-Whoo!
-What happened?
-Someone laughed.
I think someone's
just been eliminated.
-[alarm blaring]
-Whoo!
Might be me. Who knows?
[alarm stops]
-Okay.
-Whoo!
-Interesting smell in here.
-It's regret.
You've been in here two hours.
But unfortunately,
the time has come
for one person
-to leave the game.
-No!
Oh, no.
It's our first red card
of "Last One Laughing."
It's me. It's me.
It'll be me.
Let's have a look
at the replay screen.
Who was it?
And something came
out of my bottom
that was brown,
and it stank like shit.
[snickers]
-REBEL: Joel.
-Yes! I'm out!
-I'm out! Thank you so much!
-Congratulations, Joel!
Thank you so much.
Let's go. Let's go.
You are the first loser
of the game.
-Yes!
-Don't leave us!
-Thank you, Joel.
-This is the best moment
of my life.
-Bye, Joel.
-Bye, Joel!
It sucks not to laugh.
I love to laugh.
-All right, Joel.
-We need you, Joel!
-JOEL: Laughing's awesome.
-Aww!
Mr. Joel Creasey,
I am such a fan of his.
He is such a funny guy.
But for the nine remaining,
it's time to restart the game.
♪["Charge" plays]
♪[hums "Charge"]
[beeps]
-Hey!
-This is the fun part!
-This is the fun part!
-Come and join me on the couch!
-Thank God.
-How are you?
-I stepped on your toe.
-That's all right, yeah.
Welcome to the nerve center.
I wanna ask you,
how difficult was it?
It's impossible.
-And you feel so rude
not laughing at a mate.
-Yeah.
-Imagine you cracked
a joke to me
-I've been Yeah.
-I just wanna watch
-Yeah, I know. This is good.
We can put our feet up.
Don't touch the buttons, though.
-I won't.
-'Cause that's
They legit start
and stop the game.
Still gonna scull.
Guys, Dil just sculled
half a can of
no-sugar lemonade.
I'll scull more.
My biggest fear would be
that I might do something
in desperation
to try and make
someone else laugh
but then realize how stupid
I am for doing it.
Let's hem my coat.
-I think I'm just
gonna go full vom.
-[blows whistle]
And then laughing
at myself for going,
"You fucking idiot,
why did you think
that was funny?"
Sam. Sam.
Yeah, I've got stuff
to do, buddy.
-Simmons.
-Look what Dil's doing.
Oh, look! Dil's doing
that regurgitating routine.
See that? See there?
SAM: You know that guy,
that Regurgitating Jonathan?
Don't do it!
Dil, don't do it!
-The smell's gonna be fucked.
-I don't wanna smell it.
Pull the Joker card,
so we all have to watch!
Pull the Joker card!
I wanna watch you spew!
[overlapping chatter]
-What's going on?
-Dil's gonna regurgitate.
Can't believe this is what
my career has come to.
Really?
Because this is an upgrade.
Yeah, you used to be
an accountant.
You shouldn't even be here.
[laughing]
Oh, it's good to laugh.
Oh, yeah, 'cause now
you can laugh.
-No, but please don't do it.
-But you have to look.
I really don't want
-DILRUK: It's part of the rules.
-Spew!
-BECKY: This is disgusting.
-ANNE: Oh, I really don't
wanna watch this.
-Oh, my God.
-Oh
SUSIE: No, no, no!
Don't do it!
You're funnier than this.
I actually don't think
it's gonna work.
Give him attention.
He's working like
a madman over here.
-No, please don't.
-Spew!
SAM: A six-foot-tall
Sri Lankan man
vomiting in a glass vase.
I mean, that does
sound funny on paper,
but not funny when you see it.
I actually can't do it.
It's fucked.
-You want us to clap you in?
-Yeah, we'll clap you in.
Do it? Just a big
chunder into this?
For international viewers,
chunder means spew.
SUSIE: Stop, Dil.
What are you doing?
-That thing gonna be big enough?
-Vomit! Vomit!
-Ah, God. I'm gonna vomit.
-I think I'm out.
That's all I've got.
-Come on, Dil.
-Didn't work.
Come on, Dilruk.
You can't give up that easily.
Come on, mate.
-Was that your Joker card?
-That's my Joker card.
It had a melancholy beauty
to it, didn't you think?
Dilruk wasted his Joker card.
He had a prime opportunity
to spew in a cup
and that'd be shown
around the world.
Wasted opportunity.
Hey! I've got a little offering
which may not help at all.
But I think it might just
It might break a little bit
of the weird
kind of cycle thing
It's only weird 'cause
you're making it weird.
There's just a bunch
of shit jokes in here.
And I thought maybe we could
just do them quick fire.
[belches]
So basically, take a joke, and
we might
just to, sort of,
break up the
REBEL: Frank's got
the attention of the room.
Managed to do it without
playing his Joker card.
"I love the beach.
I particularly love
body surfing.
-Don't ask me where
I get the bodies."
-Oh, yeah.
Okay, you know,
it's something.
There's a little bit
of something.
"As far as being
a Messiah goes,
Jesus nailed it."
Oh, yeah, 'cause he got
nailed on the cross.
[laughing]
Hey! What's this?
What's this?
-Yeah, no, what's this?
-What's that?
It's Jesus
chewing his nails.
That's very good.
"I like to dance like
no one's watching,
"which may explain why
I was recently arrested
for masturbating
on the dance floor."
See, there's
a little twist there.
Yeah, 'cause he doesn't think
the people are watching.
Hold on, I'm not finished.
"And now I'll tell my joke."
-Did you write
these jokes, Frank?
-Yeah, I wrote these.
It's just a little bit of a
-DILRUK: Oh, you wrote them?
-Yeah.
Oh, that's why they're
sort of outdated.
Becky wrote this
and handed it to me.
"Where's Lano?"
-I don't know what
that means, but
-Yeah.
Very good.
That's very, very good.
Well, here's one.
"Hannah Gadsby speaks
for an important group
"that I believe should be
listened to,
specifically
I mean white people."
BECKY: So that's actually
really good.
-That's funny.
-That's actually quite good.
That's a funny tweet, man.
I would retweet that.
Didn't get any laughs for us,
but hopefully out there
there was a little something
that we contributed to the mix.
You hope, but you don't know.
They're very broken people
that are watching this show.
I think so.
All nine of them.
[beeping]
Who wants to get picked up?
I reckon I can pick
everyone up here.
-No.
-As in physically, or
I could physically pick you up.
I'd give you more of a chance
there than actually talking me
into hooking up with you.
I could get you
to hook up with me.
-Absolutely not.
-Dude!
Oh, yeah. I could do it.
-That's, like, incest.
-[chuckle]
-Oh, no.
-[alarm blares]
-Ah!
-Oh!
[overlapping chatter]
All right,
this is an interesting one.
Now, I have to be fair,
and any violation
for any contestant,
I have to point it out.
We're gonna go to the replay.
I could get you
to hook up with me.
-Absolutely not.
-I could do it.
-That's, like, incest.
-[chuckle]
-[chuckling]
-Very clear. Very clear
yellow card violation.
-BECKY: How'd you get me?
-NAZEEM: That was
the incest thing.
[laughing]
REBEL: But there's been
another violation.
Let's go to the replay screen
and see who might have
fallen victim.
"Hannah Gadsby speaks
for an important group
"that I believe should be
listened to,
specifically
I mean white people."
REBEL:
Susie, you tried to hide it
with the moustache,
but the eyes are telling us
there was a laugh.
So Susie, this is
a yellow card violation.
-Thank you. I'll take it.
-REBEL: Okay.
The game will resume.
I was probably
just being polite.
You were trying to
pick up Nick Cody.
Okay, Joel, we're back on.
Do you want to press
the green button?
-Am I allowed to?
-Yeah, yeah. Have a go.
Have a go. Start it up.
-♪["Charge" plays]
-Wow, it really does work.
-Yeah.
-So often, these
things are props.
I know, but, no, look.
There's cables.
[beeping]
I'm gonna go for it.
-What's he doing in there?
-He's changing again.
He's changing
yet again.
Oh, there is a zip.
Have you guys met Walter
or not?
Walter's got a PhD.
In what?
Being a fucking suck-up?
-No.
-It's sad. I know, it's sad.
-He's in love with you.
-I know he's in love with me.
Yes, and I'm in love with him.
That's the truth, okay?
We're gonna be together.
-Now?
-Yes, now!
Nazeem, are you
gonna accept Walter
in my life or not?
It's a blowup dinosaur.
It's not real.
It's-it's Walter.
He's been here the whole time.
I don't want to be the one
to break it to her.
She's clearly
She's lost it.
-No, this is Walter.
-It is Walter.
Why can't you accept it?
Just accept it, Nazeem.
I can't go through this again.
-I'll accept it
-It's like my parents all
over again. This is Walter.
Okay. Hi, Walter. Hi.
But you're doing it
sarcastically.
Hi, Walter.
I accept you.
Ugh!
Can you just make
a sincere apology to Anne?
-I'm so sorry.
-No. Try decency.
Can you look him
in the eye?
Which one? 'Cause I can't look
in both at the same time.
This one.
-Which one?
-[laughing]
Hey, I'm really sorry
I hope you didn't
take that seriously.
And to Anne as well,
because you keep denying
her friend's existence.
It's not my friend,
it's my lover. Okay?
-You That's-that's
-[overlapping chatter]
-It's not even real, mate.
-It is real!
-It's not real. Look at this.
-It is real.
You're real.
NAZEEM:
She's an idiot. She's lost it.
It's real.
REBEL: Anne's playing
a bit of a split-personality.
JOEL: Have you noticed,
I've avoided her
the whole time?
-Yeah.
-She's so funny.
REBEL:
She is very funny.
-ANNE: Don't. Don't.
-NAZEEM: I'm sorry.
[screaming]
-Oh, my God! Nazeem!
-Did you actually do that?
Why?
[sobbing]
[crying out]
That is Out of anyone
to cut a head off on camera,
I would not have picked you.
And I assume you wanna make
the same joke, Dil.
All jokes aside, guys,
we've gotta do this now.
-No!
-Don't wear him!
Stop wearing him!
Edo, don't look.
Thought it'd be fun
to wear him.
-You thought it'd be fun?
-That's what he would've wanted!
He would have wanted me
to wear him!
-Look at Becky.
Look at Becky. Becky, Becky.
-Oh, Becky's in trouble.
[gasps]
What the fuck?
The look on her face
when she came in.
-What's he doing? He's like
-Who knows?
I'm in mourning!
I'm mourning right now.
-He was my best mate!
-I know that!
REBEL: Oh, this
-[laughing]
-What is happening?
REBEL:
Sam's come out.
JOEL:
Sam's getting his kit off.
He got a loofah,
and it looks like Fanta?
Oh, God, what are we
to witness here?
♪[Gregorian chant plays]
-Oh, my God.
-Oh, my God!
-[screeching]
-Sam's loofah time!
Get a whiskey.
NAZEEM:
I think Sam definitely
set himself up to fail.
He had all these massive dicks
on his jacket this big.
And then, when he showed us
his actual penis, it was
[chuckles]
Properly nude?
Full nude.
Yeah, he's nude.
Oh, my God.
Bathe the Simmons.
Come, everyone,
bathe the Simmons.
Me and Sam went to the zoo
once together.
So I have a sort of a strange
Like an affection
I have an affection
for Sam, actually.
♪♪
All praise him!
All praise him!
♪♪
He is the first man.
He is the last man.
My first thought was to do
some sort of little
spiritual ritual
that would involve me
approaching his penis,
and then just doing
some sort of, like
♪[chanting]
REBEL: Oh, he's giving us
a back view.
I'm heterosexual.
-I am now heterosexual.
-Oh, my God.
Spritz his asshole.
Spritz his asshole.
Spritz his asshole.
See how he bucks
at the spritz.
How is Sam not laughing at that?
[chanting in foreign language]
REBEL: Look at that!
Did Anne laugh?
Wait! Wait, wait, wait!
JOEL: Oh, she's trying
not to laugh.
Sam Simmons.
Full frontal nudity
normally gets a laugh.
-Especially when
your dick's that small.
-[chuckles]
REBEL: Next time
Oh, my God!
Ooh! Ooh!
it's a house of cards.
-[vocalizing]
-Bullshit!
-Waah!
-That's revolting.
As three more comedians
Look at that!
REBEL:
are eliminated.
-Red carded.
-[hoots]
Oh, my God!
Seriously, I've got to get
these fuckers out of here.
Come on in, boys!
REBEL: Who will be
the last one laughing?
[humming]
I have lost my mind!
♪♪
[beeping]
♪♪
[grumbles]
Okay. Oh, no.
[alarm blares]
Wow.
Joker's been played.
It looks like it's paid off.
[laughing] Who was it?
Who was it?
[alarm continues]
-They might have got me.
-It might have been me.
I think it might have been me.
-All right.
-[cheering]
-Sam, I like that jacket.
-Thank you.
But it was a dick move
for someone in the group.
-[laughing]
-That's a bit.
We can laugh at that.
As the penises were
continually being pulled,
somebody did crack a smile.
Who?
Professional Replay Screen,
feel free to replay.
Oh, come off it. Come on.
That's fucking hilarious.
[overlapping cheers]
-Oh, she channeled it well.
-No, it was
He said, "I'm maggited."
It was Nick.
Oh, I'm so happy.
Where's the camera?
Hey! To my beautiful wife, Luc,
you hate the word maggit,
and now, look.
Maggit's worth its weight!
[laughing]
So just a reminder.
There's three people on yellow.
Also, you're one hour in.
-Yay!
-One hour!
[beeps]
Right, another
yellow card given.
Let the game resume.
♪["Charge" plays]
Come, on.
Come on, people.
-Hold on.
-The ring
Who are you gonna
Frank!
-Catch!
-Ooh!
-Oh, Frank.
-Frank, what the hell?
I caught that much.
[chuckles]
-Frank, can you catch?
-Yep!
-But not its inside bits.
-Very good.
I'm 50%.
How much of an egg is that?
-Catch again!
-[laughing]
You're an "eggselent"
catcher, sir.
-"Eggselent."
-"Eggselent."
[laughing]
-So all of the king's horses
-Yeah.
-and all the kings men
-They couldn't.
Why the fuck were
the horses involved?
For the men, sure. But keep
the fucking horses out of there.
-It's a joke.
-It's gonna create havoc.
It's just ridiculous.
I get why watchmakers or people
who are involved in decoupage.
-Yeah.
-You know what I mean?
The horses, they haven't even
got prehensile thumbs.
That's ridiculous.
I've got a crush on this one.
It's got a good personality
as well.
The Penis Jacket is
the gift that keeps on giving.
It's the sort of dick you can
picture yourself
settling down with.
-Yeah.
-What about this one, with the
No, that one's
a party dick.
People say it's cheap
comedy dick humor.
But it's not
It's like farts, right?
-This dick loves women.
-Eh?
This dick loves women.
At the point you go
into a job interview,
in that dick jacket,
and you do a fart,
and nobody even notices,
then dick jacket jokes
are done.
And if the life vest
doesn't auto-inflate,
you use these toggles.
There's a whistle and a light
for attracting attention.
The exits are that way.
Are you not wearing pants?
And that way.
I've officially lost
the will to live.
JOEL: It's a weird space,
like some eccentric
millionaire's share house.
And there's camera's
everywhere.
So it's kind of like
I'm on the set of a porno
with nine people I would
not want to be involved
in a porno with.
You can have a little
noodle nipple tassel,
there you go.
SAM: How come there's
no penis jacket?
You gotta admit,
it was a good jacket,
It was a good jacket,
but, IRL, I'd be laughin'.
But I can't, mate.
There's a game going on.
Okay, so Anne's
up to something. Look.
She's just been yellow-carded.
Maybe she's like, "Yep, I've
gotta get in the game now."
♪♪
REBEL:
Oh, the banjo's come out.
I wonder what happens to you
in your life that makes you
pick up a banjo
and learn how to play it.
♪♪
Sam, Sam Simmons ♪
Who would forgive him? ♪
He's the biggest idiot
in here ♪
Oh, yeah,
Anne going after Sam.
Look out here,
he's a dickhead ♪
Sam's the biggest
dickhead in here ♪
-Dance, Sam! Dance!
-Whoo!
♪[vocalizing]
♪[singing, indistinct]
[chuckles]
I find the banjo stuff funny.
Sing about me,
sing about me ♪
I wanna be seen,
I want you to sing about me ♪
Becky Lucas, look at her go ♪
She's only been
around for a few years ♪
But she's very full
of herself ♪
She's widely
considered to be ♪
One of Australia's
comedians ♪
And that's only
a little exaggeration ♪
-Oh!
-[alarm blasts]
-Oh, fuck!
-Oh!
-It's me.
-ANNE: Is it?
-All right, guys.
-Who?
We hear and see everything.
Let's have a look
at the replay first.
She's widely
considered to be one of
Australia's comedians ♪
So, Sam, it's a warning.
Yellow card.
-Time to restart.
-["Charge" plays]
-[blows whistles]
-MAN: What is that?
Whenever someone does
something that's not funny,
I'm gonna blow this whistle.
Becky is a little, um,
piece of work, isn't she?
[chuckles]
-What is that you're holding?
-Do you wanna play with it?
-If I play with that
-Yeah
Straightaway.
One of Becky's great tricks
is looking sweet and cute.
So you just look at her
and go, "Oh, she seems nice."
And then about five minutes
later, "Oh, my God."
-Wow, that was
-Look how good I am at this.
so close to
breaking it just then.
Really?
She is a risk factor for me
in making me laugh.
♪[banjo]
Becky Lucas, Becky Lucas ♪
What a pretty girl,
but what a bitch ♪
I'm attacking Becky,
and I can tell,
it's gonna make her laugh,
'cause she would suck in there.
That was the tell-tale
sign for me that she
was on the brink.
She's sick ♪
Becky Lucas, Becky Lucas ♪
What a pretty girl
but what a bitch ♪
Mmm. Good song for me,
and I'm right.
She knows it.
Everyone knows it.
Little bitch.
I've got a beard.
I honestly spend every day
plucking my own chin.
-It's fucked up.
-I've always rocked a mustache.
And I don't regret it.
Susie's like a smart assassin.
Every time I looked over at her,
she had a different wig on,
or a different mustache.
-I cannot look at Susie
-Susie all night.
Gotta get away from Susie.
She looked like my sister
in November.
Does anyone need a drink?
[beeps]
Ed has revealed a disastrous
secret to me in there.
-What did he say?
-Don't.
-What did he say?
-He has not one,
but two anuses.
You greedy, greedy bastard.
Comedians ganging up on Ed
because he's got two arseholes.
He's been in here the whole time
with two anuses, Frank.
Is it possible
that he's a woman,
and he's mistaken
his vagina as an anus?
The two types of comedians
I'm worried about
are the polar opposites
of each other.
-I actually have
really good legs.
-Who told you that?
I have been able
to assess it myself.
I suppose beauty is in
the eye of the beholder.
Deadpan, scathing, cutting,
which I find very funny,
and then the loud over-the-top
crazy will get me.
Bubbles! Bubbles! Bubbles!
Bubbles! Bubbles!
You've got Anne Edmonds
and Sam Simmons.
to of the most
over the top people.
[sighs]
So, I think I'm in
a little bit of trouble.
-Joel.
-What?
We've got a show for you.
Joel, can you come over here?
We've got a song.
-We belong together ♪
-Wow.
Is that a "Home
and Away" outfit?
You look like you're straight
out of "Home and Away."
Is this Sam dressed
as Sally Fletcher
from "Home and Away"?
Getting out
your paddle back ♪
Dilruk, Dilruk ♪
REBEL: Classic show,
"Home and Away."
Very popular in Australia.
Sit down, Sam,
and tell us about school.
I was fingered
in the caravan park.
Flathead Fisher violated me.
He made me reach for a book
that was way too high
in the library,
using the Dewey
Decimal System.
And his bloody one of his
digits slipped up my farter.
Oh. Oh, Gosh, Nick was close.
Nick was close.
I was reaching up,
and my skirt rode up.
And then Flathead Fisher stuck
a digit up the farter.
-SAM: And he didn't stop.
-[Rebel chuckles]
Sam's working it.
He's working it.
The next thing I know,
I'm pregnant to my principal.
That is actually
impossible.
-What do you mean?
-It's a finger.
[laughing]
Sam does crack me up
in that outfit.
I wanna cast Sam
in a movie after this.
Sam's around a lot.
Hey, guys,
check out my growler.
-Mmm, yeah.
-[whistle blows]
Not funny, not funny.
Access all areas.
I'm like a furnace down here.
Come on in.
Feel the fire.
I need to cause
a real disruption here,
and the way forward
is sudden movements.
-You've all lost
your minds in here.
-Whoa, whoa.
Yeah, come on, Anne.
Let's start attacking.
You've lost your moral compass.
I totally agree
with Anne.
Anne, you're the only one
who's speaking any sense
right now.
FRANK: Hi, guys.
I've just found 'em here.
We're all out
of moral compasses.
They're in here.
Frank, you dog!
You lowdown dog!
She's going for it.
Is this Anne's audition
for "Home and Away"?
I was the one that
brought up moral compasses.
Yeah, get down there.
Every time that Anne would
start yelling, I would just
hold my breath
and hope to pass out
before I laughed.
-Beef?
-Maybe.
Susie, are you sure
you want beef?
I do want beef.
Think about it, please.
Don't just have beef
just because everyone's
telling you to have beef.
-Edo, calm down.
What's happening? What?
-No!
-Play your banjo and calm down.
-Snap the fuck out of it, Anne.
I can't!
She thinks she
has to have beef,
-and there's other
options, Frank!
-Joel!
-Get out!
-There's other options, Becky!
Obviously there's
other options, but she
doesn't know them!
But she doesn't know
there's other options!
Look at her!
She thinks she
has to have beef!
Sam, tell her!
Guys! Guys! Stop it!
Everyone needs to just
stop it and relax right now.
Anne, I won't have them!
Good! Fine!
Don't have them!
Can I have them?
-Hey, guys?
-Hello, Frank.
Guys? I just wanted
to mention
that I was just in the toilet.
Yep.
And something came
out of my, um, my bottom
that was brown,
and it stank like shit.
-Oh, God.
-So I just wanna
warn everybody
[alarm blares]
-Jesus Christ!
-Whoo!
-What happened?
-Someone laughed.
I think someone's
just been eliminated.
-[alarm blaring]
-Whoo!
Might be me. Who knows?
[alarm stops]
-Okay.
-Whoo!
-Interesting smell in here.
-It's regret.
You've been in here two hours.
But unfortunately,
the time has come
for one person
-to leave the game.
-No!
Oh, no.
It's our first red card
of "Last One Laughing."
It's me. It's me.
It'll be me.
Let's have a look
at the replay screen.
Who was it?
And something came
out of my bottom
that was brown,
and it stank like shit.
[snickers]
-REBEL: Joel.
-Yes! I'm out!
-I'm out! Thank you so much!
-Congratulations, Joel!
Thank you so much.
Let's go. Let's go.
You are the first loser
of the game.
-Yes!
-Don't leave us!
-Thank you, Joel.
-This is the best moment
of my life.
-Bye, Joel.
-Bye, Joel!
It sucks not to laugh.
I love to laugh.
-All right, Joel.
-We need you, Joel!
-JOEL: Laughing's awesome.
-Aww!
Mr. Joel Creasey,
I am such a fan of his.
He is such a funny guy.
But for the nine remaining,
it's time to restart the game.
♪["Charge" plays]
♪[hums "Charge"]
[beeps]
-Hey!
-This is the fun part!
-This is the fun part!
-Come and join me on the couch!
-Thank God.
-How are you?
-I stepped on your toe.
-That's all right, yeah.
Welcome to the nerve center.
I wanna ask you,
how difficult was it?
It's impossible.
-And you feel so rude
not laughing at a mate.
-Yeah.
-Imagine you cracked
a joke to me
-I've been Yeah.
-I just wanna watch
-Yeah, I know. This is good.
We can put our feet up.
Don't touch the buttons, though.
-I won't.
-'Cause that's
They legit start
and stop the game.
Still gonna scull.
Guys, Dil just sculled
half a can of
no-sugar lemonade.
I'll scull more.
My biggest fear would be
that I might do something
in desperation
to try and make
someone else laugh
but then realize how stupid
I am for doing it.
Let's hem my coat.
-I think I'm just
gonna go full vom.
-[blows whistle]
And then laughing
at myself for going,
"You fucking idiot,
why did you think
that was funny?"
Sam. Sam.
Yeah, I've got stuff
to do, buddy.
-Simmons.
-Look what Dil's doing.
Oh, look! Dil's doing
that regurgitating routine.
See that? See there?
SAM: You know that guy,
that Regurgitating Jonathan?
Don't do it!
Dil, don't do it!
-The smell's gonna be fucked.
-I don't wanna smell it.
Pull the Joker card,
so we all have to watch!
Pull the Joker card!
I wanna watch you spew!
[overlapping chatter]
-What's going on?
-Dil's gonna regurgitate.
Can't believe this is what
my career has come to.
Really?
Because this is an upgrade.
Yeah, you used to be
an accountant.
You shouldn't even be here.
[laughing]
Oh, it's good to laugh.
Oh, yeah, 'cause now
you can laugh.
-No, but please don't do it.
-But you have to look.
I really don't want
-DILRUK: It's part of the rules.
-Spew!
-BECKY: This is disgusting.
-ANNE: Oh, I really don't
wanna watch this.
-Oh, my God.
-Oh
SUSIE: No, no, no!
Don't do it!
You're funnier than this.
I actually don't think
it's gonna work.
Give him attention.
He's working like
a madman over here.
-No, please don't.
-Spew!
SAM: A six-foot-tall
Sri Lankan man
vomiting in a glass vase.
I mean, that does
sound funny on paper,
but not funny when you see it.
I actually can't do it.
It's fucked.
-You want us to clap you in?
-Yeah, we'll clap you in.
Do it? Just a big
chunder into this?
For international viewers,
chunder means spew.
SUSIE: Stop, Dil.
What are you doing?
-That thing gonna be big enough?
-Vomit! Vomit!
-Ah, God. I'm gonna vomit.
-I think I'm out.
That's all I've got.
-Come on, Dil.
-Didn't work.
Come on, Dilruk.
You can't give up that easily.
Come on, mate.
-Was that your Joker card?
-That's my Joker card.
It had a melancholy beauty
to it, didn't you think?
Dilruk wasted his Joker card.
He had a prime opportunity
to spew in a cup
and that'd be shown
around the world.
Wasted opportunity.
Hey! I've got a little offering
which may not help at all.
But I think it might just
It might break a little bit
of the weird
kind of cycle thing
It's only weird 'cause
you're making it weird.
There's just a bunch
of shit jokes in here.
And I thought maybe we could
just do them quick fire.
[belches]
So basically, take a joke, and
we might
just to, sort of,
break up the
REBEL: Frank's got
the attention of the room.
Managed to do it without
playing his Joker card.
"I love the beach.
I particularly love
body surfing.
-Don't ask me where
I get the bodies."
-Oh, yeah.
Okay, you know,
it's something.
There's a little bit
of something.
"As far as being
a Messiah goes,
Jesus nailed it."
Oh, yeah, 'cause he got
nailed on the cross.
[laughing]
Hey! What's this?
What's this?
-Yeah, no, what's this?
-What's that?
It's Jesus
chewing his nails.
That's very good.
"I like to dance like
no one's watching,
"which may explain why
I was recently arrested
for masturbating
on the dance floor."
See, there's
a little twist there.
Yeah, 'cause he doesn't think
the people are watching.
Hold on, I'm not finished.
"And now I'll tell my joke."
-Did you write
these jokes, Frank?
-Yeah, I wrote these.
It's just a little bit of a
-DILRUK: Oh, you wrote them?
-Yeah.
Oh, that's why they're
sort of outdated.
Becky wrote this
and handed it to me.
"Where's Lano?"
-I don't know what
that means, but
-Yeah.
Very good.
That's very, very good.
Well, here's one.
"Hannah Gadsby speaks
for an important group
"that I believe should be
listened to,
specifically
I mean white people."
BECKY: So that's actually
really good.
-That's funny.
-That's actually quite good.
That's a funny tweet, man.
I would retweet that.
Didn't get any laughs for us,
but hopefully out there
there was a little something
that we contributed to the mix.
You hope, but you don't know.
They're very broken people
that are watching this show.
I think so.
All nine of them.
[beeping]
Who wants to get picked up?
I reckon I can pick
everyone up here.
-No.
-As in physically, or
I could physically pick you up.
I'd give you more of a chance
there than actually talking me
into hooking up with you.
I could get you
to hook up with me.
-Absolutely not.
-Dude!
Oh, yeah. I could do it.
-That's, like, incest.
-[chuckle]
-Oh, no.
-[alarm blares]
-Ah!
-Oh!
[overlapping chatter]
All right,
this is an interesting one.
Now, I have to be fair,
and any violation
for any contestant,
I have to point it out.
We're gonna go to the replay.
I could get you
to hook up with me.
-Absolutely not.
-I could do it.
-That's, like, incest.
-[chuckle]
-[chuckling]
-Very clear. Very clear
yellow card violation.
-BECKY: How'd you get me?
-NAZEEM: That was
the incest thing.
[laughing]
REBEL: But there's been
another violation.
Let's go to the replay screen
and see who might have
fallen victim.
"Hannah Gadsby speaks
for an important group
"that I believe should be
listened to,
specifically
I mean white people."
REBEL:
Susie, you tried to hide it
with the moustache,
but the eyes are telling us
there was a laugh.
So Susie, this is
a yellow card violation.
-Thank you. I'll take it.
-REBEL: Okay.
The game will resume.
I was probably
just being polite.
You were trying to
pick up Nick Cody.
Okay, Joel, we're back on.
Do you want to press
the green button?
-Am I allowed to?
-Yeah, yeah. Have a go.
Have a go. Start it up.
-♪["Charge" plays]
-Wow, it really does work.
-Yeah.
-So often, these
things are props.
I know, but, no, look.
There's cables.
[beeping]
I'm gonna go for it.
-What's he doing in there?
-He's changing again.
He's changing
yet again.
Oh, there is a zip.
Have you guys met Walter
or not?
Walter's got a PhD.
In what?
Being a fucking suck-up?
-No.
-It's sad. I know, it's sad.
-He's in love with you.
-I know he's in love with me.
Yes, and I'm in love with him.
That's the truth, okay?
We're gonna be together.
-Now?
-Yes, now!
Nazeem, are you
gonna accept Walter
in my life or not?
It's a blowup dinosaur.
It's not real.
It's-it's Walter.
He's been here the whole time.
I don't want to be the one
to break it to her.
She's clearly
She's lost it.
-No, this is Walter.
-It is Walter.
Why can't you accept it?
Just accept it, Nazeem.
I can't go through this again.
-I'll accept it
-It's like my parents all
over again. This is Walter.
Okay. Hi, Walter. Hi.
But you're doing it
sarcastically.
Hi, Walter.
I accept you.
Ugh!
Can you just make
a sincere apology to Anne?
-I'm so sorry.
-No. Try decency.
Can you look him
in the eye?
Which one? 'Cause I can't look
in both at the same time.
This one.
-Which one?
-[laughing]
Hey, I'm really sorry
I hope you didn't
take that seriously.
And to Anne as well,
because you keep denying
her friend's existence.
It's not my friend,
it's my lover. Okay?
-You That's-that's
-[overlapping chatter]
-It's not even real, mate.
-It is real!
-It's not real. Look at this.
-It is real.
You're real.
NAZEEM:
She's an idiot. She's lost it.
It's real.
REBEL: Anne's playing
a bit of a split-personality.
JOEL: Have you noticed,
I've avoided her
the whole time?
-Yeah.
-She's so funny.
REBEL:
She is very funny.
-ANNE: Don't. Don't.
-NAZEEM: I'm sorry.
[screaming]
-Oh, my God! Nazeem!
-Did you actually do that?
Why?
[sobbing]
[crying out]
That is Out of anyone
to cut a head off on camera,
I would not have picked you.
And I assume you wanna make
the same joke, Dil.
All jokes aside, guys,
we've gotta do this now.
-No!
-Don't wear him!
Stop wearing him!
Edo, don't look.
Thought it'd be fun
to wear him.
-You thought it'd be fun?
-That's what he would've wanted!
He would have wanted me
to wear him!
-Look at Becky.
Look at Becky. Becky, Becky.
-Oh, Becky's in trouble.
[gasps]
What the fuck?
The look on her face
when she came in.
-What's he doing? He's like
-Who knows?
I'm in mourning!
I'm mourning right now.
-He was my best mate!
-I know that!
REBEL: Oh, this
-[laughing]
-What is happening?
REBEL:
Sam's come out.
JOEL:
Sam's getting his kit off.
He got a loofah,
and it looks like Fanta?
Oh, God, what are we
to witness here?
♪[Gregorian chant plays]
-Oh, my God.
-Oh, my God!
-[screeching]
-Sam's loofah time!
Get a whiskey.
NAZEEM:
I think Sam definitely
set himself up to fail.
He had all these massive dicks
on his jacket this big.
And then, when he showed us
his actual penis, it was
[chuckles]
Properly nude?
Full nude.
Yeah, he's nude.
Oh, my God.
Bathe the Simmons.
Come, everyone,
bathe the Simmons.
Me and Sam went to the zoo
once together.
So I have a sort of a strange
Like an affection
I have an affection
for Sam, actually.
♪♪
All praise him!
All praise him!
♪♪
He is the first man.
He is the last man.
My first thought was to do
some sort of little
spiritual ritual
that would involve me
approaching his penis,
and then just doing
some sort of, like
♪[chanting]
REBEL: Oh, he's giving us
a back view.
I'm heterosexual.
-I am now heterosexual.
-Oh, my God.
Spritz his asshole.
Spritz his asshole.
Spritz his asshole.
See how he bucks
at the spritz.
How is Sam not laughing at that?
[chanting in foreign language]
REBEL: Look at that!
Did Anne laugh?
Wait! Wait, wait, wait!
JOEL: Oh, she's trying
not to laugh.
Sam Simmons.
Full frontal nudity
normally gets a laugh.
-Especially when
your dick's that small.
-[chuckles]
REBEL: Next time
Oh, my God!
Ooh! Ooh!
it's a house of cards.
-[vocalizing]
-Bullshit!
-Waah!
-That's revolting.
As three more comedians
Look at that!
REBEL:
are eliminated.
-Red carded.
-[hoots]
Oh, my God!
Seriously, I've got to get
these fuckers out of here.
Come on in, boys!
REBEL: Who will be
the last one laughing?
[humming]
I have lost my mind!